Chapter VIII (2)

"A new thing is on the wheel in the city of New York. A society of ladies, organized for the purpose of relieving widows with small children, was new in this country. It is now, by the blessing of God, apparently established. It was entered upon with prayer; it has been conducted thus far with prayer. The blessing of God has rested upon it, and much good has been done by it. Some of us have looked long, and requested of God to open a way by which the children of these widows might be instructed and taught to read his word, and by his blessing on it, come to the knowledge of the way of salvation. One means has been attempted of an ordinary kind: twelve children were last week placed at school with Mrs. L----, to be taught to read, and some more are to be placed with another of our widows, for the same purpose. But this indeed is new. A society of young ladies, the first in rank in the city, in the very bloom of life, and full of its prospects, engaged in those pleasures and amusements which tend to engross the mind and shut out every idea unconnected with them, coming forward and offering--not to contribute towards a school, but their own personal attendance to instruct the ignorant, O Lord, prosper their work. If this be of thee, it shall prosper, and be productive of much good; but if thou bless not, it will come to nothing but shame. No good can be done but by thee, for there is none good but One;' and what are all thy creatures, but instruments in thy hand, by which thou bringest to pass the purposes of thy will? _Christians_, redeemed, enlightened, sanctified, are no more; thou workest all their works in them; they themselves are thy workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which thou hast prepared, that they should walk in them. Worldlings also are thy instruments: by them thou workest and bringest to pass the counsels of thy will; thou puttest into their heart the good thing which thou workest, and girdest them for the purpose: though not the children of thy covenant, they are the instruments of thy providence.

"O Lord, take up this matter; gird these young women to this very purpose, and prosper them in the art of teaching these orphans of thy providence. And Oh, Lord, hear my more important petition. I am not worthy to be heard. O Lord, I am not worthy to be named in connection with any good done by thee. I am the chief of sinners, the chief of backsliders; every thing in me, of me, or by me, is vile as far as it is mine. All that is otherwise, all good implanted in me, or done by me, is thine own; it is grace, free grace, the purchase of thine own Anointed, my dear Redeemer, my dying, risen, ascended Saviour, and the fruit of the Holy Ghost, the sent of the Father and of the Son, to set up a kingdom of righteousness in the hearts of the redeemed. Let me, as a sinner saved by grace, to whom thou hast been pleased to give the exceeding great and precious promises--let me, under the sprinkling of the blood of the covenant, and in entire dependence on my surety-righteousness--let me draw near and present my petition, in the name and for the sake of Him whom thou hearest always. O Lord God Almighty, by this very thing, build up thy Zion. Lay hold of these young creatures, and while they are in the way of thy providence, bring them to the house of our master's brethren. O thou great Teacher, teach thou teacher and taught. Be found of them who seek thee not, and say with power, 'Behold me, behold me,' to a people not yet called by thy name, and out of this small thing in thy providence, bring revenues of praise to thy name as the God of grace. Amen.

"And now, O Lord, for myself, I pray for deep humility; I ask, for His sake who was meek and lowly, to be kept where my place really is, at the feet of all thy servants; and if it be thy pleasure to make me a useful instrument, in proportion make me a humble soul. Let me ever remember my ways and be ashamed, and never open my mouth any more because of my shame, when thou art pacified towards me for all that I have done. O keep me in this contrite frame of mind. In all that to which thou callest me, give me a willing heart, and furnish me with every necessary for thy glory. And now prepare me to speak to these young women good and acceptable words. Save me from sacrificing truth, or departing, in any respect, from Christian duty; give me such wisdom as maybe suited to the occasion: in all things mine eyes are to the Lord; from thee let my fruit be found."

"FEBRUARY 17, 1804.

"Saturday, the 11th, twenty-nine young ladies met with Mrs. Hoffman and myself, at Mr. O. Hoffman's, Wall-street, on purpose to receive instructions respecting the school; and having paired themselves according to their mind, I delivered what I had prepared for them: they all seemed hearty in their engagement; and on Monday, the 13th inst., Miss L----t and Miss L----n attended at the school-room and commenced teaching thirteen children; four have been added since.

"Again, O Lord, let me request thy blessing on this institution; put thy seal upon it, and mark it for thine own. Gird the teachers for their work, and open the minds of the scholars to instruction. And O, Lord, in thine own time, and by means of thine own devising, provide spiritual instruction for teachers and taught. Is it thy pleasure, Lord, that I attend the children on a day appointed for the purpose? Wilt thou accept of me as an instrument by which thou wilt do good to the souls of these children; and wilt thou keep me humble and contrite in my own soul? Bless also Mrs. L----'s school; there too let thy work appear; deal with her soul as 'thou dealest with thy chosen;' teach her the way of salvation, and make her a teacher by thine own Spirit. If it be my dear Master's pleasure to use me, I would also attend that school as his instrument. 'Search me, O Lord, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.'"

Mrs. Graham's address to the young ladies, above alluded to, is given as a specimen of the appropriateness of her addresses on similar occasions, and as an incentive to kindred exertions in every condition of life.

"MY DEAR YOUNG LADIES--Every thing new becomes matter of
speculation and variety of opinion.

"An association of ladies for the relief of destitute widows and orphans, was a new thing in this country. It was feeble in its origin, the jest of most, the ridicule of many, and it met the opposition of not a few. The men could not allow our sex the steadiness and perseverance necessary to establish such an undertaking. But God put _his_ seal upon it; and under his fostering care it has prospered beyond the most sanguine expectations of its propagators. Its fame is spread over the United States, and celebrated in foreign countries. It has been a precedent to many cities, who have followed the laudable example. This fame is not more brilliant than just. The hungry are fed, the naked are clothed, shelter is provided for the outcasts, medicine and cordials for the sick, and the soothing voice of sympathy cheers the disconsolate. Who are the authors of all these blessings? Your mothers, ladies, the benevolent members of this so justly famed Society. But who are these children that idly ramble through the streets, a prey to growing depravity and vicious example? hark, they _quarrel_, they _swear_, and such no doubt will _lie_ and _steal_. And that group of dear little creatures, running about in the most imminent danger, apparently without protection, are they under the care of this so justly famed society? They are; they are fed, they are clothed, their mother's fireside is made warm for them; but no culture is provided for their minds, nor protection from baneful example. These will in time follow that of the older ones, and grow up the slaves of idleness and vice, the certain road to ruin.

"Alas, alas, and is there no help--no preventive? Yes, there is. Behold the angelic band; hail, ye virtuous daughters; worthy of your virtuous mothers, come forward and tread in their steps. Snatch these little ones from the whirling vortex; bring them to a place of safety; teach them to know their Father, God: tell them of their Saviour's love; lead them through the history of his life; mark to them the example he set, the precepts he recorded for their observance, and the promises for their comfort. And by teaching them to read, enable them to retrace all your instructions when their eyes see you no more.

"My dear young ladies, the sacrifice you have made shall most assuredly meet its reward: but like your mothers, you will experience much painful banter, you will be styled school-madams. Let it pass; suffer it quietly; when your scheme begins to ripen and the fruits appear, who shall be able to withhold their praise? Only be steadfast, draw not back and justify the prophecies of many.

"A great general, in ancient times, in search of glory, landed his troops on the hostile coast, and then burnt all his ships: they must conquer, or die. You have, ladies, already embarked in this design; there is no remaining neuter now; your name and undertaking are in every mouth; you must press forward and justify your cause: and justified it shall be, if you persevere; it cannot be otherwise. The benevolence you contemplate is as superior to that already in operation, as the interest of the soul is to that of the body; and it is your own--the very scheme originated in a young mind in this company. The society were contemplating mercenary agents, schools for pay, and one is already established.

"But this labor of love; who could have hoped for it? A society of _young ladies,_ in rank the first in the city, in the very bloom of life, and full of its prospects, engaged in those pleasures and amusements which generally engross the mind, and shut out every idea unconnected with self, coming forward and offering--what? not their purses, that were _trash;_ but their own personal services to instruct the ignorant, and become the saviors of many of their sex. It is indeed a new thing, and more strange in this age of dissipation than that institution from which it sprung. May this too become the darling of Providence. May God put his seal upon this also. May he bless and prosper you in this undertaking, bless you, and make you a blessing."

We next have her wrestling supplications for the revival of God's
work in the church with which she was connected.

"FEBRUARY 21, 1804.

"O Thou, who art Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, who holdest the seven stars in thy right hand, and walkest in the midst of the seven golden candle-sticks, who livest and was dead, and art alive for evermore. Amen. And hast the keys of hell and of death. Out of thy mouth goeth a sharp twoedged sword, by which thou reachest the hearts of the most hardened. O write with power, speak with power, in the heart of the angel of this church. Hast thou not in former days had thy dwelling among them? in days of trouble didst thou not work in them the fruits of labor and patience, so that for thy name's sake they labored and fainted not? Thou blessedst them and gave them peace, and they rejoiced in the light of thy countenance; thou multipliedst them also, so that from a handful they became _two bands_. Alas, Lord, we have, Jeshurun-like, 'waxed fat and kicked;' we have left our first love; we have not watched and prayed, as thou gavest commandment, and thou hast left us to enter into temptation; we have forsaken the counsel of our old men, and given heed to flatterers; we have forgotten our dependence on thee, and said, 'Ashur shall save us, we will ride upon horses.' We have set up our idols in our hearts, and put the stumbling-block of our iniquity before our eyes; we have taken counsel, but not of thee, and covered ourselves with a covering, but not of thy Spirit; we have gloried in our own wisdom, and strengthened ourselves in our own strength.

"We are poor, and blind, and miserable, and naked; rich in our fancied wisdom, seeing by our own light, and compassing ourselves about with our own sparks; we feed on ashes: a deceived heart has turned us aside.

"'O Lord, the hope of Israel, and the Saviour thereof.' It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed. To us belong shame and confusion of face--O cover us with it--but to thee belongs mercy. Humble us, O Lord, and we shall be humbled; 'turn us, and we shall be turned.'

"It is in our nature to backslide for ever; thou, and thou only, knowest the deceitfulness of the heart; thou, and thou only, canst search it. O search us, and try us, and show us what wicked ways there are in us, and lead us in the way everlasting. Deal not with us according to our sins, but according to the multitude of thine own mercies. We have no other plea; our sins call for judgment, and until thou, thine own blessed self, turn us, we are in no situation to receive mercy. Work with us for thy name's sake, establish with us thine own covenant of free, unmerited, undeserved mercy. Then shall we know that thou art the Lord.

"Make us thine by thine own covenant, established in Christ, thine own anointed; the blessed surety, by thine own appointment; our substitute, on whom it hath pleased thee to lay the iniquities of us all; in whose sacred person thou tookest vengeance for all our sins; by whom thy law is fulfilled, magnified, and made honorable; whose doing and suffering in our stead is accepted by Jehovah. 'The Lord is well pleased for his righteousness' sake.' No covenant short of one fulfilled in every jot and tittle could benefit us.

"Thy covenant is well-ordered in all things, and it is sure.

"Here, O Lord, I take my stand; here I lay my foundation, and on this thy covenant I build; or rather, here thou thyself hast laid my foundation, and on this rock hast thou set my soul and built my hopes, thou subduing my enmity. I acquiesce. I will now 'remember the years of thy hand,' look back to thy dealings with thine own nation, whom thou didst choose and set apart from all other nations, though of the same blood with all those that dwell on the face of the whole earth.

"They, like us, destroyed themselves, but in thee was their help. They also sinned, committed iniquity, and did wickedly; they remembered not thy mercy, but provoked thee at the Red sea, after the great deliverance thou hadst wrought for them, and the wonders thou madest to pass before them in the land of Egypt. Nevertheless thou savedst them for thy name's sake, that thou mightest make thy mighty power known; thou didst repeat thy wonders, and didst dry up the sea before them. He fed them with corn from heaven; they did eat angel's food. He clave the rock in the wilderness, and caused waters to run down like a river. After all, they forsook the God of their mercies; they believed not his promises, nor trusted in his salvation; they lusted, and they murmured, and desired to turn back to Egypt. Thou didst chasten them sore for their sin, and didst bring down their heart with grief.

"When thou didst slay them, they sought thee, and remembered that God was their rock, and the most high God their Redeemer. Nevertheless they did flatter with their mouth and lied unto thee with their tongue, for their heart was not right with thee, neither were they steadfast in thy covenant. But thou being full of compassion, forgavest their iniquity and destroyedst them not; yea, many a time turnedst thou away thine anger, and didst not stir up all thy wrath.

"O how many times did they turn back, tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel. Yet did he fulfil all his promises, and by wonders in the sea, wonders in the desert, wonders in Zoan's field, and in the camps of their enemies, he led them safely to the border of his sanctuary, to the mountain which his right hand had purchased. He cast out the heathen before them, and gave them rest in the land of promise. Even there they provoked the Most High, provoked him to jealousy with their graven images.

"Again thou didst chasten them sore, let loose the corruptions of men upon them, and suffer them to fall before their enemies. Thou deliveredst thy strength into captivity, and thy glory into the hands of their enemies.

"Yet, O Lord, again didst thou deliver them, and sentest provision for them by thine own covenant. Thou didst choose David thy servant, and take him from the sheep-folds. Thou broughtest him to feed Jacob thy people, and Israel thine inheritance. So he fed them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them by the skilfulness of his hands.

"Such are the people with whom thou hast still to do. Such, O God of infinite mercy, such the God with whom we sinners have to do, even 'the Lord God, merciful and gracious, keeping mercy for thou sands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin; and that will by no means clear the guilty.' O what could man or angel have done with this last character of thy name? Thy covenant makes provision. In Christ Jesus, our blessed substitute, all is reconciled. Thy name is one; the just God, and the justifier of the ungodly who believe in Jesus; This God is our God; we will make mention of his righteousness, and his only. By his own covenant, in his own time, and by means of his own providing, he will revive us. Amen."

"APRIL, 1804

"All my desire is before thee, and it is all contained in thy well-ordered covenant. Many years of vanity, of idolatry, of backsliding, wandering, and folly have passed over my head since I first took hold of thy covenant. How fickle, false, and deceitful have I proved; yet thou knowest, thine own Spirit through all my wanderings testified in my heart, that out of the channel of this covenant there could be neither safety nor comfort; and never, so far as I can remember, have I deliberately chosen to be dealt with by any other. Its corrections and chastisements have reached the deepest sensibilities of my heart. Thine arrows stuck fast in me, thy hand pressed me sore; there was no soundness in my flesh, neither rest in my bones, because of my sin; mine iniquities went over my head, were a burden too heavy to bear. I was feeble and sore broken, and roared by reason of the disquiet of my heart. My lovers and friends stood aloof from my sore, and my kinsmen stood afar off. I was ready to halt, and my sorrow was continually before me; yet even in my darkest, deepest afflictions, when deep called to deep, and thy waves and billows were passing over me; when my soul seemed sinking in the mire where there was no standing, I groped in the dark; my heart panted, my strength failed, and the light of mine eyes seemed gone out. I was weak with my groaning; in the night I made my bed to swim with my tears; yet even then, by that same covenant by which I was suffering, light sprang out of darkness, glimmering hope in the midst of despair. I remembered the years of thy right hand; in the multitude of my thoughts within me--the provision made in this covenant--thy comforts delighted my soul.

"I was furnished with a plea which would condemn, by every covenant but thine: Pardon my iniquities, for they are great. Thou, even thou, art he who blottest out transgressions as a cloud, and iniquity as a thick cloud. Verily thou art a God that pardoneth, though thou takest vengeance on the inventions of thy rebellious children. 'Vengeance!' not the vengeance of the curse; no, that, O thou blessed Covenant, thou blessed Surety, that fell on thy devoted head. Thou by this covenant wast 'made a curse for us.' Thou didst tread the wine-press alone, and of the people there was none to help thee. Thou didst expend the last drop of that cup of vengeance. Every cup put into our hand, though a cup of trembling, is a cup of blessing. I this day take a fresh hold of thy covenant, for myself, for my children, and for my children's children, to the latest generation. For my brother and sister, for their children, and children's children; for the near concerns of our dear D. B----; and for all whom I carry on my mind to thy throne of grace. This is the sum and substance of my prayers. Bring them into the bond of this covenant, and deal with them according to the order of it, and the provision made for them in it, in all possible circumstances. Amen.

"O God, in the multitude of thy mercies hear me, in the truth of thy salvation. Truth of thy salvation! thou only knowest the truth of thy salvation. How little do we know of thy work. Many of those providences which appear to us dark and dismal, are wheels turning round 'the truth of thy salvation;' opening our blinded eyes to the issues of sin, and also delivering from the snares of the devil. Deal not, O Lord, with me, and mine, as our iniquities deserve; this has never been thy way with us; but according to thy former loving-kindness, and to all the long-suffering, patience, and pardoning mercy which thy aged servant has experienced through her sinful guilty pilgrimage. Thou hast forgiven me all the way from Egypt. Leave me not now, when I am old and grey-headed; but when strength and heart fail, be thou the strength of my heart and portion for ever. Amen."

The winter of 1804-5 was unusually severe: the river Hudson was shut by frost as early as November; fuel was consequently scarce and dear, and the poor suffered greatly. Mrs. Graham visited those parts of the city where the poorer class of sufferers dwelt;* in upwards of two hundred families she either found a Bible their property, or gave them one; praying with them in their affliction. She requested a friend to write, first one religious tract and then another, suited to the peculiar situation of those afflicted people. One was called, "A Donation to Poor Widows with Small Children;" the other, "A Second Visit to Poor Widows with Small Children." And lest it might be said it was cheap to give advice, she usually gave a small sum of money along with the tracts she distributed. There was at this time neither a Bible nor Tract Society in New York. Mrs. Hoffman accompanied her in many of her excursions. In the course of their visits, they discovered a French family from St. Domingo in such extremity of distress as made them judge it necessary to report their case to the Honorable Dewitt Clinton, then mayor of the city. The situation of this family being made public, three hundred dollars were voluntarily contributed for their relief. Roused by this incident, a public meeting was called at the Tontine Coffee-house, and committees from the different wards were appointed to aid the corporation in ascertaining and supplying the immediate wants of the suffering poor. The zeal of Mrs. Graham and Mrs. Hoffman paved the way for this public-spirited exertion, which probably was the means of saving the lives of some of the destitute and friendless.

*The following notice of these scenes appeared in one of the periodical publications of the day:

"When sorrow shrunk before the piercing wind,
And famine, shelterless, in suffering pined;
When sickness drooped in solitary pain,
Mid varying misery's relentless reign;
Oh, then tumultuous rose the plaints of grief,
And loud and strong the clamors for relief!
Then active charity, with boundless care,
From gloomy faces chased the fiend Despair,
Dispelled the horrors of the wintry day,
And none that asked went unrelieved away.
"Yet there are some who sorrow's vigils keep,
Unknown that languish, undistinguished weep;
Behold yon ruined building's shattered walls,
Where drifting snow through many a crevice falls;
Whose smokeless vent no blazing fuel knows,
But drear and cold the widow's mansion shows;
Her fragile form, by sickness deeply riven,
Too weak to face the driving blasts of heaven,
Her voice too faint to reach some pitying ear,
Her shivering babes command her anguished tear:
Their feeble cries in vain assistance crave,
And expectation 'points but to the grave.'
"But lo, with hasty step a female form
Glides through the wind and braves the chilling storm,
With eager hand now shakes the tottering door,
Now rushes breathless o'er the snow-clad floor.
Her tongue soft comfort to the mourner speaks,
Her silver voice with soft emotion breaks;
Round the drear hovel roves her moistened eye,
Her graceful bosom heaves the lengthened sigh.
"I know thee now--I know that angel frame--
O that the muse might dare to breathe thy name:
Nor thine alone, but all that sister-band
Who scatter gladness o'er a weeping land;
Who comfort to the infant sufferer bring,
And 'teach with joy the widow's heart to sing.'
"For this, no noisy honors fame shall give,
In your own breasts your gentle virtues live;
No sounding numbers shall your names reveal,
But your own hearts the rich reward shall feel.
"ALBERT."

In the month of August, 1805, Mrs. Graham paid another visit to her friends in Boston, of whom she spoke with much affection and esteem. She used to mention, with peculiar approbation, a society of pious ladies there, who met once in every week for prayer and mutual edification.

On returning to New York, she again wrote to her friend Mrs. C----, renewing her endeavors for her consolation and establishment in the faith of Christ; and soon after informed her of the dangerous illness of two of her grandchildren, one of whom, in the righteous dispensations of an unerring Providence, was taken, and the other left.

To Mrs. C----, Boston.

"GREENWICH, N.Y., Sept. 26, 1805.

"MY DEAR FRIEND--I arrived here on Monday. I found my children in health, but much affected with the death of the amiable youth M----, and the melancholy situation of his bereaved parents.

"The epidemic spreads over the city in every direction among the few remaining in it. All the public offices are here; crowds of the citizens, and houses and stores spring up in a day; all is bustle and confusion, and all seem mad on business.

"Parting with my dear friend was most painful, so painful that nothing could alleviate it but the presence of my own children, who, could there have been room from deeper sorrows, would have shared it with me. O that I could put my God in my place in your heart. What are earthly friends? How few are steady against all change of circumstances; of these, fewer still have it in their power to supply every link of friendship's chain; a thousand unforeseen incidents disappoint their wishes and frustrate their hopes, rendering abortive their greatest exertions. But there is a Friend, everywhere present, thoroughly acquainted with every circumstance of the heart and of the life; all-powerful to relieve; whose love is invariable, and ever the most tender when every other friend stands aloof; a friend in adversity, 'a friend who sticketh closer than a brother,' whose love surpasseth the love of women. This Friend receiveth sinners--casts out none who come to him. He was never known to disappoint the hopes of any poor sinner. He receives them into his heart; he takes all their burdens and cares on himself, pays all their debts, answers all demands against them, and is every way surety for them; they become his own, no one has any thing to say to them but himself. He knows them--how apt to err, to wander, yea, to forget him, and prove ungrateful; all this he knows, but he has made provision for all. He has a rod, and he will subdue their iniquities. He will heal their backslidings, he will bring back and restore his wanderers. He will in due time perfect what concerns them, and present them to his Father purified, without spot or wrinkle.

"In the meantime he requires them to confide in him; to go up through this wilderness leaning upon him; to tell him all their complaints and griefs, and to comfort themselves: and he will impress the comfort by means of his great and precious promises, scattered like so many pearls through his sacred Bible, tabled there on purpose for us to ground our prayers upon, and delight ourselves in. This is your friend's Friend, and of ten thousand besides. This was the wicked Magdalene's Friend; this, the persecuting Paul's Friend, wicked Manasseh's Friend; the adulterous, murdering David's Friend. And he is your Friend, though your eyes are holden that you see him not. He is leading you by a way that you know not. This is one of his characters, 'I will bring the blind by a way that they know not.'

"I was happy to find your niece was to return with Mr. C----; but, my dear, a painful dread has assaulted my peace, lest Satan get the advantage by means of a stranger in the family, and undo what has been begun. The world may have peace without God; but you shall not. You have, however feebly, taken hold of his covenant, and he will keep you to your choice. 'If his children forsake his laws and go astray,' etc. Psalm 79:30."

"NOVEMBER, 1805.

"MY DEAR FRIEND--This is not our rest; through much tribulation all Christ's disciples must follow him. There is a rest prepared for the people of God: as far as tasted in this world--and in this world it is tasted--it consists in a mind resigned to the will of God in proportion as it can say, 'Thy will be done on earth, as it is done in heaven.' Christ himself was made perfect through suffering, and all his followers shall be so in their appointed measure. What is our cup to his? O my dear friend, we are ransomed, we are redeemed, and we are fitting and preparing for the purchased inheritance, that perfect rest prepared for the people of God when their warfare is finished. Let him do all his pleasure with us here; let him subdue our iniquities in his own way; let him glorify his name by our sufferings--his glory is ever connected with his people's best interests. We shall one day acknowledge that he has done all things well, and that not one word of all that he has promised has failed.

"It has pleased the Lord to take from us our dear sweet Rebecca; young as she was, through much tribulation she entered in: I have scarcely seen severer suffering, nor a harder dismission. It is well; the Lord will answer his own ends by it for the good of all concerned, as well as for his own glory. Our dear G---- was ill at the same time, and all hope was lost as to him also; for a whole week we looked upon him as dying, A bold measure was taken with him, which succeeded; the Lord had commanded life; it was not thought of for her. God had appointed to her entrance into life eternal. It is all well. Blessed, blessed be his name; for her he has taken and him he has restored, both equally. I.G. S---- was confined at the same time with a broken arm; N. B---- with the fever and pleurisy. Deep have been the wounds in this aged heart, not yet weaned from earth, but tremblingly alive to every thing that concerns my children. Yet I do give up. I have asked but one thing with importunity, and by that I abide. I did not ask for temporal life, but the life which Christ died to purchase, and lives to bestow; let him answer my petition by means of his own appointing: by health or by sickness, by riches or by poverty, by long life or early deaths--only let all mine by the ties of nature, be his by regeneration of his Spirit."

Having felt the trials and the responsibilities of widowhood, she
wrote to her brother's widow, Mrs. Marshall, in 1805:

"You are now, my dear sister, the only head of your family. Will you take Joshua's determination? 'As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.' Take hold of God's covenant for your orphan children as for yourself, and consider them as his, to be brought up for him. Be a priestess in your own house, and keep up the worship of God daily in your family, and confess your Lord and Master before angels, men, and devils. Those who thus honor God, he will honor.

"You are indeed, my dear, arrived at an important stage of your journey through this great wilderness. You are now the head of the family, and are to God immediately answerable. No earthly consideration must make you give up the government of it, nor the prerogative which he hath given you, to counsel, and even beseech your household to serve the Lord. You cannot give grace; you cannot give life; and where there is no life there can be no spiritual exercise: but you may use means, although there is much prudence to be observed to avoid disgust.

"Be faithful, then, my dear sister, to your important trust. See that your household remember the Sabbath-day to keep it holy; your children, of course, will accompany you to the house of God, but let not your servants absent themselves from his ordinances, and endeavor, on your return home, to explain and bring home the word that may have been spoken to their consciences. Above all, let it be your constant aim to set before them a godly, consistent example, and be much engaged in prayer for them--I mean for your servants as well as for your children, and God will, in all probability, make you a mother in Israel, the mother of many spiritual children, and turn your captivity into rejoicing, and fill your mouth with songs of praise; or should you not have this comfort, should the night of adversity last to the very valley of the shadow of death, the morning of eternal rest shall then beam forth upon your own soul, and your prayers may be answered for others, when the eyes that wept and the breast that heaved are at rest in the dust. O, then, my sister, possess your soul in patience, and seek to make daily advances in holiness."