Chapter VIII (1)

JOURNAL AND LETTERS--LADIES' SCHOOL
FOR POOR CHILDREN.

"NOVEMBER 22, 1801.

"ISABELLA SMITH," a grandchild, "is very ill; she appears to be in a stupor. Two physicians are attending, but my eyes are to the Lord. She is his own, given to him by faith, as a covenant God in Christ for her in particular, for ourselves and our children. I desire not to draw back, but, the Lord strengthening me, to give up at his call. If it be his will to spare her, she is still his own, to be done by, with, and for, as his infinite wisdom may see fit, for his own glory and her eternal interest. If he is about to remove her out of the world, she is his own; out of the mouth of this babe will he perfect praise; with that company of whom is the kingdom of heaven, she shall join in the song of Moses and the Lamb, 'to Him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, to him be glory, honor, dominion, and power.'

"O Lord, one petition I prefer--if it be thy will to take her out of the world, take her in thine arms and carry her through the dark valley; grant to her a gentle and easy passage, and an abundant entrance into thy kingdom; and tune our hearts to sing, 'The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.' Amen."

"NOVEMBER 23.

"This day the dear Isabella joined the church triumphant, and took her place among that company which Christ has pronounced blessed. I yesterday asked of the Lord that he would take her in his arms and carry her through the dark valley, that he would give her a gentle and easy passage, and an abundant entrance into his kingdom. He heard my prayer; it was indeed soft and gentle; not a struggle, not a groan; and the affliction which brought down the frame was moderate throughout. I was enabled to resign the Lord's own into his own hand, in the faith that he did receive, and would keep that which I committed to him.

"My soul is satisfied--more than satisfied; I rejoice, and congratulate the lovely babe on her early escape from a world of sin and sorrow, to the arms of her dear Redeemer, and to perfect blessedness with him."

"NOVEMBER 24.

"It is done--finished--the soul with God, the body in the tomb. It is all well; yes, our covenant God, thou doest all things well. I firmly believe thy mercy is over all thy works. Goodness, mercy, yea, loving-kindness has marked thy every step. I believe it now. I shall see it soon.

"Now, our God, follow this bereavement with thy purifying, sanctifying grace. Enable us all to search and try our ways. Lead our souls into a knowledge of the secret corruptions of our hearts, that we may confess and mourn over them, wash in the blood of Christ, be pardoned, restored, and get a great victory. Enable us through life to abide in Christ; to keep close to thee, transacting all our affairs with thee, before they come into the view of the world. Let thy wisdom and thy Spirit, in connection with thy providences, be our counsellors. O keep us in a dependent frame of mind, humble and watchful. Strip us of all self-confidence. May we at the same time be strong in the Lord and in the power of thy might; rejoicing in thee, the God of our salvation, the strength of our heart, and our portion for ever. Glory, glory, glory, to Father, Son, and blessed Spirit. Amen, and Amen."

"DECEMBER, 1801.

"It is my earnest desire to 'grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,' It is my desire to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength, and with all my mind; and to love my neighbor as myself, so as to do to Mm whatever I could expect from Christian principles in him, on an exchange of circumstances.

"It is my desire to give all diligence to add to my faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge temperance, to temperance patience, to patience godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness charity, that these things being in me and abounding, I may be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

"I desire to grow in grace day by day, to profit by every ordinance of God's appointing, and by every providence; and I pray, Lord, I pray that thou wouldst grant me my desire, so as that I may become more spiritual, more discerning in the Scriptures, more fruitful in good works: that thou mayest increase also my humility. Open to my view more of the extent and spirituality of thy divine law; the majesty, purity, holiness, of thy nature; the exceeding sinfulness of sin; the hidden corruptions of my own heart, and my inability to search them out, and to crucify them: give me also more just views of my past life, that I may ever be convinced that I am, what I really am, the very chief of sinners, and the least of all saints; and that it is entirely of grace that I am what I am. O make out this promise to me; I will record it in thine own words: 'I will establish my covenant with thee: and thou shalt know that I am the Lord,' Ezekiel 16:62. I confess myself the character described in the two foregoing chapters; and though thou hast chastened me ten thousand times less than my iniquities deserve, even by the constitution of the new covenant, thou hast chastened me. Now, O Lord, most merciful and gracious, who 'pardonest iniquity, transgression, and sin,' for thy name's sake, do to and for me as thou hast said: 'I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord. That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame, when I am pacified towards thee for all that thou hast done, saith the Lord God.' Amen."

To Mr. and Mrs. B----, in Britain.

"DECEMBER 7, 1801.

"I have received my dear J----'s three letters from Dingwall: fresh matter of praise to our covenant God. You have had your season of affliction; and now you have a season of refreshing, a resting-time. The cup of the Christian is always more or less mixed. Your afflictions have ever been mixed with much mercy, and now your season of rest is also mixed. I well know that no temporal comfort can compensate the absence of your justly beloved D----. He, however, who is the God of both, who goes with him, and stays with you, can not only support, but comfort. The omniscient, the omnipresent, the omnipotent God is our God, and the God of our house; all that he is is ours, to bless us. Behold, God is become our salvation. Every endearing name known among men he takes to himself, to inspire us with pleasing, confiding love--every name that connects the idea of protection, to keep our minds in quiet peace, in the assurance of safety: Father, Husband, Brother, Friend, Prophet, Priest, King, Physician, Help, Health, Light, Life, Counsellor, Guide, Sanctuary, Anchor--but I should fill my sheet. I said it all at first: God is ours, and ours with the knowledge of all our backslidings, which he heals; our wanderings, from which he restores us; and our sins, which he forgives: one of his names is the God of pardons. He delights in mercy. Are we not his witnesses? What has our whole life been, but sin, backslidings, and wanderings? What have his dealings with us been, but pardons, healings, restorations? Therefore we remain, as at this day, with our desires towards him, and our faces Zion-wards. What he hath begun he will perfect, and in a little while our eyes shall behold him, our hearts shall enjoy him, we shall be like him, and see him as he is."

To the same.

"DECEMBER 26, 1801.

"I rejoice over my dear children, and bless our gracious God that he has led them a sweet and most delightful sojourning among his churches, animating their spirits by their mutual communion; blessing them, and, I hope, making them blessings. I pray the Lord may make our dear D---- an instrument among others of spreading his gospel, building up his church, and pulling down the strong-holds of Satan; and that you may be in your place a help-meet for him, in this as in every thing else. May the Lord choose his path and direct his steps, and yours with him. Women were helpers of the apostles and others in Paul's days: at the same time care must ever be taken not to obtrude in any respect. I pray that you may be kept spiritual and humble: eminence in God's service is truly desirable, if the heart be kept humble. If the Lord open the eyes to behold more of the extent and spirituality of his law, the holiness and purity of his nature, the evil of sin, and its contrariety to all that is in God; and if he turn the eyes inward to the hidden corruptions of the heart, when it is evident to the soul that all is of grace, then may eminent services be safe.

"'I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes,' was the exercise of Job; and justly so. Job, who was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame, a father to the poor, and the cause which he knew not he searched it out: when the ear heard him, it blessed him; when the eye saw him, it gave witness to him; who withheld not the poor from his desire, nor caused the eye of the widow to fail; the stranger did not lodge in the street, but he opened his door unto the traveller: all this was true as far as the external act, and as he then thought, with a proper temper of heart, Job could justify himself before his fellow-sinners, Blind like himself; but when God comes to deal with him, how different his views. Then it was, 'Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay my hand on my mouth:' even with the very best there is cause for this exercise, could we see in the same light.

"How deceitful is the human heart; how unfaithful the conscience; how little do we know of the sins of our daily walk. We are called to watch and pray, that we enter not into temptation; to walk with God in close, intimate communion: whether we eat or drink, to do all to his glory: to consult him in all the affairs of life, narrowly observing his providence in connection with our circumstances; weighing all in his presence, requesting him to determine our wills and direct our steps. We ought not to say, 'We will go into such a city,' and do this or that; but, 'If the Lord will.' How inconsistent our conduct with these rules. How often do rashness, precipitation, and self-will accompany our determinations and movements. And how often do His goodness and wisdom over rule our folly, save us from our own pits, and prevent the evil that might be expected. At no time does he deal with us as we sin, though sometimes he stands by and allows us a taste of our folly: then we are in trouble, we dig our pits and fall into them, but we cannot deliver ourselves. O what a God! who, even at such a time, says to us, 'Call on me in the time of trouble; I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify my name; thou hast destroyed thyself, but in me is Blessed help; mercy to pardon, goodness to wisdom to guide, faithfulness to carry through and perfect what concerns us, overruling our very follies, and causing them to teach us to profit. This is God's way, according to many declarations of himself in his word, and the experience of all his redeemed.

"Blessed then is the man that trusteth in the Lord; they truly
are a blessed people whose God Jehovah is."

"FEBRUARY, 1802.

"MY DEAR, MY BELOVED CHILDREN--I trust the Lord is your support; I know you are in trouble; it cannot be that opportunities have been wanting all this time, nor can it be that my children have been negligent: no, no, I cannot suppose it. My children are in trouble; they could not write that they were otherwise, and therefore remain silent until they can write the issue. It is proper, and sure the Lord feeds me with comfort. O the comfort of knowing that the Almighty God is their own reconciled Father by an everlasting covenant; Christ, the Mediator and Surety, their Advocate, Brother, and Friend; the Holy Ghost their Teacher, Guide, and Comforter. It cannot be ill with my dear children, who are also God's dear children. My Father, I know it, thou chastenest for their profit. I know not where they are, nor how they fare. I know not what to ask for them; but thou art everywhere present, thine eye is upon them, thou knowest all their wants, all their burdens, all their bereavements, or whatever tries them. O let thy sensible presence be with them; open wide the leaves of that new testament in Christ's blood, and let them read their rich legacy, their unsearchable riches in Christ; give them confidence in thy wisdom and goodness, and sweet acquiescence in all thy dealings with them. Thou hast spared in mercy, perhaps now thou hast taken in mercy: yes, thy tender mercies are over all thy works, and a large ingredient in every cup thou puttest into the hand of thy children. It is well, it is well.

"Since writing the above, I have received my dear D----'s letter, second copy, by the way of London. The Lord is your God. and the God of your seed. John the Baptist leaped in the womb when the salutation of Mary sounded in his mother's ears; he was then a living soul, and an heir of salvation at that moment. If your babe was conceived in sin by the first covenant, he is an heir of grace by the second. Think it not hard; no, you do not think it hard that you have conceived him in sickness, carried him in sickness, and suffered the pangs of birth without the succeeding joy to make you forget your anguish. All this shall be for the glory of God, and that is what you seek; believe it now, you shall see it soon. I do sympathize; my fond heart had embraced a sweet babe added to the family for one taken. The Lord has taken this also; it is his due: I shall soon leave the mortal and join the immortal; five have joined the head, six remain; and one I know nothing of, more than that I cast him on the Lord, and look for mercy. I thank my God that he gave you the grace of resignation, and supported you in the solitary confinement. Alas, my child, did you listen for the voice of your babe? O, what a suspense; but let me stop--he had reached maturity ere that time; without the fight, obtained the victory; he is of the travail of the Redeemer's soul; children are God's heritage, the fruit of the womb his reward. Rest then in the Lord; this is to his glory, both without and within your soul."

"MAY 20, 1802.

"MY DEAR CHILDREN--Here am I in my little room, surrounded with every comfort, and as the provision of my God, I value all; but there lies the chief, _my Bible_, the testament of my dying, risen, ascended, reigning Saviour, bequeathing to me eternal life, executed in full, and made as sure as the promise and oath of God. The influences of the Holy Ghost on my mind, taking of the things of Christ, and showing them unto me; opening wide the leaves of that new testament, in which I read unsearchable riches, and my title to them sure: yes, sure, even to me, a base idolatrous gentile, a rebel against the eternal King, my Creator, Preserver, Provider; a backslider in heart and in life. What has such a one to do with a holy God? He hath said only return; and he himself hath turned to me, chastened, convinced, restored, comforted. His ways are not as our ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts; but as the heavens are above the earth, so are his ways above our ways, and his thoughts high above our thoughts, and his plans above our conception. For although it is for ever true, that he is of purer eyes than to behold evil, and cannot look on iniquity; that his law has denounced a curse upon the transgressor who keepeth it not in every jot and tittle; it is for ever true, that this God is unchangeable in his nature and purposes. What he hath said, that will he do. It is for ever true, that I am all I have said, and worse, a sinner in heart, tongue, and practice; yet am I a beloved child, a justified one, an heir of God.

"Here is the testament, here is my charter with the seal of God upon it--JESUS, thou art the Secret of the Lord; thou art the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root and offspring of David. Thou hast prevailed to open this book of secrets, to loose the seven seals, and lay open its mysteries. Thou Lamb of God, the appointed and anointed to the great work; in our room, and in our nature, thou hast sustained the curse. Thou hast obeyed the law; thou hast drunk the last drop of the last vial of that wrath which would have sunk my soul in the endless depths of misery; and I never could have expended one drop, but sunk deeper and deeper under it. O not unto me, not unto ministers, not unto any creature be the praise. As for me, I am, in a word, all that is vile in myself; ministers, providences, afflictions are just what God makes them; without his blessing they will not only pass without profiting, but Satan and corruption will make them ministers to themselves. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, for he has redeemed me with his blood. Worthy is the Lamb to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing--to him, to him alone, be the praise; who, of an heir of hell, hath made an heir of heaven, by a substitutional righteousness wrought out in his own person: mine by free gift, in which I am completely justified. To this work let nothing be added, with this work let nothing be mixed.

"There is another work going on by the same Spirit of truth; also his purchase and gift--sanctification. In this I am called to occupy, watch, strive, fight. Life is given; means of support and growth provided; weapons of warfare--all things necessary to life and godliness: these are promised to the diligent use of means; and poverty, stagnation, discomfort threatened to the indolent. O how sovereign and gracious has my God been in his dealings with me in this respect also. For a sluggard have I been in the days of youth and the prime of life; yet to me hath he given the comforts promised only to the diligent. Here I sit on the verge of threescore; my heart in some good measure loosened from the world, although in full possession of it. Health, ease, plenty, elegance, friendship, respectability; old age welcome, death unstung become a familiar friend, the messenger of my Father to fetch me home to those mansions which my Redeemer has taken possession of in my name. My hope is strong for my offspring. Stately have been his steps of mercy towards them already, and he saved them from their mother's snares; he heard and answered my prayers, for his name's sake, and overruled my practices; he is my God, and the God of my children; the God of my children's children to the latest generation; my cup is full of comfort, temporal and spiritual. O praise him, praise him, for he is your God, and the God of your offspring also."

"JUNE 4, 1802.

"Making allowances for the difference of time, and supposing my dear children in health, all about them is in a racket. This is his majesty's birthday; and you are at this moment, perhaps, set in some social company, by invitation, to honor the anniversary, to repeat the wish of long life, health, and comfort to the lawful sovereign of Britain.

"Here sit I in my dear little room, with a lovely landscape in view; B. M----'s park in velvet verdure; the full-grown trees scattered thin to display the carpet, and in full foliage; the clump of willows weeping to the very ground, with a gentle wave agitated by the zephyr; while the other trees keep their firm, majestic posture; the Hudson river covered with vessels crowded with sail to catch the scanty breeze; some sweet little chirpers regaling the ear with their share of pleasure. I think I never heard any little warbler in this land sing so sweet as those which now salute my ear.

"These are thy glorious works, Parent of good.'

"Can all the philosophic ingenuity of London, this evening, produce such a scene? The gardens no doubt will be glorious, but the groundwork is also God's; but why say I that in particular? All is his; the very notes that warble through so many guilty throats are his creation; all the art of man cannot add to their number. Sweet bird, thy notes are innocent, O how sweet. Lovely trees--ye who stand erect, and ye who weep and wave; I wish no brighter scene. The shadows lengthen fast, so do yours and mine, my sovereign;* a few, a very few anniversaries, and we must change the scene--change to where no courtiers flatter, no false meteors blaze--where shadows flee away, realities appear, and nothing but realities will stand in any stead.

*Mrs. Graham received a pension as a British officer's widow until her death.

"O may we meet; for me, I nothing have, I nothing am. But One there is, who was and is all that the mind of saint or angel can conceive of glory and of happiness; and he is mine, and I am most blessed. Lengthen on, ye shadows, until all is shadow on these orbs of flesh. Then, O then,

"'My captive soul set free
From cloggish earth which oft has made me sigh,
Ascends the eternal hills, as seen to see,
As known to know, and grasp the Deity.'"

"1802.

"Our friend B---- has now proved how far it is safe to leave the fate of eternity unsettled. He is gone to the state of the dead: with whom his soul is gathered, He only knows whose mercy none ought to limit; he is gone to his own place; if without a Surety-righteousness, which he sought not after in health, we know where that place is; but after reading of a thief on the cross, nothing with God is impossible. My mind is much impressed; that sentence rings in my ears, so often repeated, 'I am determined to do all the good I can, and leave the rest to God. I have no time to search.' Oh, oh, one thing is needful.

"'Life's a folly, age a dream
Borne along the common stream,
Earth's a bubble light as air,
If my rest be centered there.
How can that be solid joy
Which a moment may destroy?'

"Mr. B---- was seized with the fever in its most malignant form; for him every genius was exerted, and the medical store ransacked for the healing balsam, but in vain. The Judge calls for the soul, and the body must, at his command, dislodge its tenant; how awful, if no surety was at hand, if he must stand naked--we know the rest: did I say we know? O no. What can we know of that wrath which in the garden of Gethsemane, when no murderous hand was near, no high-priest, no council, or cross, wrung the blood through every pore of the pure, the innocent Lamb of God, supported by Godhead. If such things were done in the green tree, what shall be done in the dry?"

Another of her grandchildren was shortly after removed by death;
his illness is noticed in the following meditation:

"AUGUST, 1802.

"'And that which cometh into your mind shall not be at all, that ye say, We will be as the heathen, as the families of the countries, to serve wood and stone.' 'And I will bring you into the wilderness, and there will I plead with you face to face: like as I pleaded with your fathers in the wilderness of the land of Egypt, so will I plead with you, saith the Lord God; and I will cause you to pass under the rod, and I will bring you into the bond of the covenant.' 'And ye shall remember your ways, and all your doings, wherein ye have been defiled; and ye shall loathe yourselves in your own sight, for all your evils that ye have committed: and ye shall know that I am the Lord, when I have wrought with you for my name's sake, not according to your wicked ways, nor according to your corrupt doings, O ye house of Israel, saith the Lord God.' Ezek. 20:32, 35, 36, 43, 44.

"It is good, yes, Lord, it is all good; too often have we said, 'we will be as the heathen, to serve wood and stone.' Often hast thou chastened, often have we confessed, often resolved that we would walk more softly, more tenderly, more circumspectly before thee. But, alas, when thy hand is removed, when thou healest us, and restorest to us health, comfort, and our pleasant things, we wax fat and kick, nestle in our comfort, abuse thy gifts, and lose sight of the giver. Alas, Lord, thus it must ever be with us, when we keep not near to thee; we cannot walk one step alone without stumbling. Thou knowest these naturally wicked hearts, that they are deceitful above all things; they betray us before we are aware. Blessed, ever blessed be our God for his well-ordered covenant. Blessed for the discipline of it. O Lord, we are again in the wilderness, and under thy chastising rod: for weeks past, we have 'eaten no pleasant bread;' thy rod is still suspended over our pleasant, our dear child; the streams of life ebb, he sickens, he dies, if thou interfere not. But the issues of death are in thy hand, and our eyes are towards thee. In vain are all means, all medicines, if thou impart not the healing virtue. Thy weeping servants seek the healing virtue from thy waters, thy seas, thy pure air. All nature is in thy hand and ministers thy pleasure; to some conveying health, to some disease. An herb to be boiled in simple milk, as the figs for Hezekiah's boils, has been proposed, O let this prove the appointed means, or direct and point out that which thou wilt bless, and let our hearts and tongues give the glory to thee.

"We deserve this bereavement; but, Lord, what do we not deserve? Even according to the constitution of the covenant of grace, and consistent with thy pardoning, saving mercy, and all thy long-suffering, wert thou to take vengeance on our inventions, by exercising all thy threatened chastisements, should we ever be out of the furnace? But even in this view, thou never hast dealt with us as our iniquities deserved. 'He will not always chide, neither will he keep his anger for ever.' Thou hast, in thousands of instances, 'cast our sins behind thy back, into the midst of the sea; blotted them out, to remember them no more for ever. Thy ways are not as our ways, nor thy thoughts as our thoughts,' We may plead, 'Deal not with us as we sin; but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out our transgressions. Pardon our iniquity, for it is great.' Affliction is appointed, but it is 'in measure, when it shooteth forth.' O debate with it, and according to thy promise, 'stay thy rough wind in the day of thine east wind.' Lord, say it is enough, give the blessing, and by this measure shall iniquity be purged, and the fruit be to take away sin. All means are alike in thy hand, and any measure. In holy sovereignty and consummate wisdom thou afflictest, and in thy hand afflictions yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness: the hearts of thy people are melted, and they sing of mercy and of judgment, and glorify thy name. But, O Lord, a look, such as thou gavest to Peter, will melt our hearts and restore our backsliding souls. The announcing of our pardon by the same power, will make them overflow with love. If thou but call us by name, as thou didst her who sought thee at thy sepulchre, with the same power we shall recognize our Saviour and worship him.

"O Lord our God, ever faithful to thy promises, thou hast said, 'Whatsoever ye ask in my name, believing that ye receive, I will do it.' O Lord, I ask not the life of this child on this ground. I have through life asked one thing of thee, and that will I seek to obtain while life and breath remain, and reason and grace; I will seek it, seek it with importunity, holding fast by thy promise to do it, and believing that it shall be according to my petition. Make good to me this thy promise, in a spiritual and eternal sense. Be my God, and the God of my children, and of my children's children, to the latest generation. Let my children according to the flesh, be thine by regeneration of the Holy Ghost: it is a great boon; but hast thou not said, 'Open thy mouth wide, I will fill it?' Father, do as thou hast said: this is my one petition, and I cannot be said nay. I ask for myself, my children, and my children's children, to the latest generation, the life which Christ died to purchase, and lives to bestow, that we may be made one with him, and our life hid with him in God. Amen, and Amen.

"But, O my Father, thou hast said, 'Be careful for nothing; but in every thing, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.' I ask, with submission to thy holy will, if consistent with thy glory, his good, and the good of the parents, the life of this child; that thou mayest spare him for our comfort, but first for thine own glory; that thou mayest give the different branches of this family a joyful meeting, a full feast of grateful thanks to thee for all thy mercies; and our hearts may rejoice before thee for the abundance of comfort. Shouldst thou, in thy adorable wisdom, otherwise determine, thy blessed and thy holy will be done. Wash the soul of this child in the blood of Jesus, clothe him with thy righteousness, sanctify him by thy Spirit, and fit him in every respect for thy kingdom. And O, my divine Redeemer, I renew my petition which thou didst so evidently grant in the case of our dear Isabella: take him in thine arms of mercy; soften and shorten the parting pangs, and carry him gently through the dark valley, and give him an abundant entrance into thy heavenly kingdom, to join the hosannas of thy little children, of whom thy kingdom is partly made up: and O, sanctify the affliction to all concerned; direct our discipline according as thine all-seeing, heart-searching eye sees we need; that it may bring forth the peaceable fruits of righteousness, and 'the fruit of affliction be to take away sin,' and the glory of all redound to thee, Father, Son, and blessed Spirit. Amen, and Amen."

"SEPTEMBER, 1802.

"'What manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy
conversation?'

"'O give thanks unto God, for he is good; his mercy endureth
for ever.'

"'How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God; how great is
the sum of them.'

"'If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand.
When I awake I am still with thee.'

"'The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger, and
of great mercy.'

"'The Lord is good to all, and his tender mercies are over all
his works.'

"'All thy works shall praise thee, O Lord, and thy saints shall
bless thee.'

"'He hath not dealt with us after our sins, nor rewarded us
according to our iniquities.'

"'Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage. He retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.'

"'He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us, he will subdue our iniquities, and thou wilt cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.'

"'Let Israel hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is mercy,
and with him is plenteous redemption.'

"'And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.'

"'The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.' The Lord hath turned our captivity, filled our mouth with laughter and our tongue with singing.

"Thomas," her grandchild, "is restored to perfect health. Thou
hast heard our petitions, and continuest to us all our pleasant things.

"It is a time of prosperity; thou givest us the 'upper and the nether springs;' thou blessest my children 'in their basket and in their store;' and while the riches of many are making to themselves wings and flying away--while many are sinking from affluence to poverty, falling on the right hand and on the left, by thy most manifest providence thou hast preserved them from the wreck. O teach them to acknowledge thy hand in all this, and to say and feel, 'Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but to thy name be the glory.' It is God that giveth power to get riches. O, enable them to honor thee with their substance, and with the first-fruits of all their increase.

"In the day of prosperity let them rejoice, but let this joy be in the Lord. O let thy gifts ever, ever lead them to the giver, and fill their hearts with gratitude, their mouths with praise; and let their very actions be worship, while they acknowledge thee in all their ways, and thou directest their steps. May they be as 'a city set on a hill, which cannot be hid,' and their light so shine before men, that they seeing their good works, may glorify their Father in heaven.

"And now, O Lord, we wait for thy blessing in the restoration of our dear D---- and I. B---- and J----. 'Thou hast shown them great and sore adversities,' and thou hast manifested thy power to save. When they passed through the waters thou wast with them, and through the rivers they did not overflow them. When they walked through the fire they were not burnt, neither did the flames kindle upon them. For thou art the Lord their God, the Holy One of Israel, their Saviour.

"Thou didst stay thy rough wind in the day of thine east wind, and in the multitude of their thoughts within them did thy comforts delight their soul. Thou humbledst them under thy mighty hand, and thou hast in the multitude of thy mercy exalted them in due time.

"In all their sojourning thou hast been with them; and in fellowship with thy church greatly hast thou comforted them. Thou hast given them favor in the hearts of thy people, and made 'the stones of the field to be at peace with them.' And now, O Lord, restore them to their friends and Christian society, and to their place which thou hast in thy goodness given and preserved to them. Here may they be thy witnesses, that 'thou art the Lord, and besides thee there is no Saviour.'"

"SEPTEMBER, 1802.

"This day has the Lord our God answered our prayers, and enriched us beyond the ordinary lot of humanity. D---- and I. B---- and J---- are restored to their preserved places, and to the bosom of their family. We are as men who dream; our mouths are filled with laughter, our tongues with singing; the Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad. Thou hast turned our captivity as the streams in the south. We sowed in tears, we have reaped in joy. Bless the Lord, O our souls; ever true and faithful is his word: 'He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.'

"'O Lord, from thee is our fruit found;' may our sheaves be many and weighty, thou working all our works in us, to thine own glory and our blessedness. Amen."

"1802.

"Dear brother Pero,* happy brother Pero, thy Jesus, in whom thou trustedst, has loosed thy bonds, has brought thee to that rest which remains for the people of God; thou drinkest of the pure river that maketh glad the city of our God; of that blessed fountain from which issue all the streams which refresh and revive us weary pilgrims. But a little while ago, and thou wast weary, dark, and solitary; thy flesh fettering and clogging thy spirit; thy God trying thy faith, hope, and patience, which he had previously implanted, watered, and made vigorous, to stand that trial more precious than gold that perisheth, though it be tried by fire, and was made manifest to the glory of that Saviour who leaves not his people in any case. If need be, they are in heaviness, through manifold temptations; but he knows how to deliver them, having himself been tempted.

*Pero was an elderly man of color whom Mr. Andrew Smith had purchased, and made free. Pero had previously been a freed man of Christ. He had been for some time in ill health; Mrs. Graham kindly attended on him, and read the Scriptures to him: he died by the bursting of a bloodvessel, at an hour when none of the family were with him. Mrs. Graham, in humility of spirit, reproaches herself in this exercise, for having been absent from him, without inquiring into his situation for one hour.

"Thou hadst a taste of his cup: like him thou didst endure the contradiction of sinners; like him thou didst experience the desertion of friends, even thine old mistress, whom thou lately didst esteem as a sister in Christ, and to whom thou didst look for fresh communication from and through that written word, which she could read and thou couldst not. Oh, how did she prove as a broken reed unto thee; how did she neglect thy necessity, and her own opportunity of bringing forth fruit in its season. Thou hast been no loser. The Lord passed by the slothful servant, the unfaithful steward, who neglected to give thee thy meat in due season, and himself took her place; took thee from that household which was not worthy of thee, and led thee to those mansions of bliss which himself purchased and prepared; set thee at that table which shall never be drawn, where thou shalt feast on all the fulness of God, and drink of those pleasures which are at his right hand for evermore. No need of old mistress now; no need of any earthly vessel now, nor of that written word which thou didst so highly prize. The Word made flesh has removed the veil that shaded the glory of the God-man from thine eyes; flesh and blood could not behold it; of this he has unclothed thee--left it with us to look upon and mourn our sin. Thee he has introduced into the full vision of eternal day, where thou knowest as thou art known, and seest as thou art seen. O that full communion enjoyed between a holy soul and the perfection of holiness! O that light of life, that ocean of love, that inconceivable blessedness. How hast thou outrun us, brother Pero; how distanced us in a moment. Oh, could I not watch with thee one hour? Oh that I had received thy last blessing, instead of which, conscious offence, deserved rebuke, painful compunction wring my heart; and perhaps the rod of correction may be suspended, and now ready to fall on my guilty head.

"Father, O my Father, am I not still thy child--still thy adopted? Have not I an Advocate with thee, Jesus Christ the righteous, whom thou hearest always? does not the blood of Christ cleanse from all sin? yes, O yes. This is my universal remedy; thousands and ten thousands of times have I experienced its efficacy. Father, I again apply; blessed Spirit, do thine office. Wash me, and I shall be clean; purge me, and I shall be whiter than snow. I confess my sin, I acknowledge mine iniquity. Thou didst bring to me an old disciple, near and dear to his and my Saviour; thou didst require me to minister unto him all that he needed; the honor was great, the opportunity valuable. Thou didst empty thy servant for a time, thou didst hide his comfort, that I might, through thy written word, draw living waters for him, and give him to drink. O the honor; O the negligence. Thou didst send the call for thy disciple to come up to thee; in thy providence thou didst make it first known to me, that I might be instrumental in conveying to him, through the same channel, oil and trimming for his lamp. Great was the honor; dignified the service; but lost to me for ever. I passed by on the other side. Blessed, blessed Jesus; thou good Samaritan, who pouredst the oil and wine into his wounds, and tookest him, not to an inn, but to those mansions in the skies which thou, with thine own blood, purchasedst for him; sanctify, O sanctify to me this thy providence; pardon my neglect. Saviour, wash me in thy blood, and sanctify and bring good out of even my transgression. By thy grace, let it be a means of stirring me up to more watchfulness, that I may meet the opportunities afforded me in thy providence, to occupy till thou come."

"DECEMBER, 1802.

"The lovely plant which the Lord had blasted, which brought down our hearts with grief, which he had restored and clothed with smiling health and comfort, again sickened, declined, wasted; every means proved ineffectual; the Lord refused the healing virtue. He was brought to town to be near the physicians, but the Physician of Israel aided them not. Disease increased; with pain, sickness, convulsion, much he suffered, and long; he had a taste of the bitterness of sin, but no part of the curse: _that_ the Redeemer drank and expended; and having by his atoning blood purged this little one from his sins, and perfected all his redeeming work in his soul, he received him into his own heavenly abodes. It is well, all well. Amen."

Mrs. Graham lived alternately with her children Mrs. Bethune and Mrs. Smith until 1803, when Mrs. Smith removed from New York. After that time she made her home with Mr. and Mrs. Bethune until her departure to her heavenly home. They loved her not only from natural affection, but for her superior worth. They believed that her prayers brought a blessing on the family, as the ark of God did to the house of Obed-Edom.

"MARCH, 1803.

"I read this day the 36th chapter of Ezekiel, and pleaded God's promises from the 22d verse to the end, for myself, for my children, and for my children's children; for the church of God throughout the world, in particular for this country, for Britain and Ireland, France and Germany, where his name was once known, and his gospel flourished. That the Lord would 'build the waste places and repair the breaches;' that he would 'purify the sons of Levi,' fill all pulpits with able, faithful ministers of the new testament, who shall 'declare the whole counsel of God;' and that wherever his name is recorded, the Holy Ghost might fill the place, and convince the hearts of preachers and hearers, of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment; might take of the things of Christ and show unto them; and that the great Head of the church might regulate and overrule all these breaches, differences, and shakings in his churches.

"O Lord, I am ignorant; I know not the mind of the Spirit of promise as thou knowest it. The promise of the fruit of the tree, and the increase of the earth, of the corn, the wine, and the oil is thine, as are all others. I am ignorant how far this refers to spiritual prosperity, how far to temporal. I ask, O Lord, covenant provision, the fruit of the seed sown in the hearts of men by thine own Spirit; and that thou mayest build the ruined cities of thy churches, and fill them 'with men like a flock, as the flock of Jerusalem in her solemn feasts; so shall the waste cities be filled with flocks of men, and they shall know that thou art the Lord.' Thy fair, thy rich, thy beautiful creation is also the fruit of grace. The wicked possess it, but they enjoy it not. Thy people are the heirs, but thou, as a wise and merciful Father, givest them to possess according as thy wisdom sees safe and good for them. When with the things of this world they imbibe the spirit of the men of the world; when they nestle in thy gifts and forget the Giver; when they enjoy with a carnal spirit, and not with thankfulness and a due sense of their dependence on thee as the God of providence as well as of grace; thou, in mercy as in sovereignty, blastest their pleasant things, mixest their cup of prosperity with wormwood and gall, or sweepest all away with a turn of thy hand, that thou mayest teach them that man doth not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God; that thou mayest withdraw them from sinful purposes, and hide pride from them; that thou mayest open their ears to instruction, and seal it on their hearts: thou dashest to pieces their broken cisterns, that thou mayest lead them back to the fountain of living waters.

"It is good, O Lord, all good; I lay hold upon it: be thou the provider of me and mine; feed us with food convenient for us. Thine own word testifies that 'every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it be received with thanksgiving, for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.' I and the children for whom I pray, possess many, yea, and abundance of temporal good things. O Lord, give suitable grace, grace for grace. Spirit of grace, keep us thankful, humble, dependent, spiritual; enable us to receive all through a covenant channel, as the provision of our Father by the way, through this wilderness. O may all be sanctified by thy word and prayer, and we be enabled 'to eat and drink to thy glory.' Amen.

"Read the 138th Psalm: 'Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly; though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me; thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever; forsake not the works of thine own hands.'

"Redeeming work is thy work; regenerating work is thy work;
sanctifying work is also thine.

"The first is finished, the second begun, to be perfected in the third. O Lord, I hang on thy promises, which with Christ are all mine, though I have not at all times the savor of them; this is mine infirmity, and often my sin. O keep me looking unto Jesus."

"MARCH 25, 1803.

"Communion Sabbath, Dr. M---- preached from Romans 6:17: 'But God be thanked that ye were'--were in the past time, not now--'the servants of sin; but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.'

"O Lord, I believe the doctrines of thy gospel; I know that I am delivered from sin as a master; it hath not dominion over my will, nor entire dominion over my affections; I would be thine, thy servant, thy child, thine in all obedience. I feel this new principle in the desires of my soul. I would do all things to thee, in act and in principle. But O, Lord, the old man is still here, harassing and hindering my new will, which I have received from thee, from acting with freedom and energy. Unhallowed motives steal in, by-ends present themselves; and when outward duty is attained to, there is more of sin than of righteousness. Though entered upon with some measure of purity, yet before it is finished I am at a loss to discern the true principle by which I am actuated. Lord, help me; hast thou not promised to work in me both 'to will and to do of thy good pleasure?' Is it not the grand end of thy death, that thou mightest purify to thyself a glorious church, 'not having spot nor wrinkle, nor any such thing;' and shall not I be a partaker? Art thou not made of God unto thy people, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption?

"O Lord, my heart pants for redemption from indwelling sin. This depravity of my nature, this opposition, this evil that is ever present with me when I would do good, this indolence, this listlessness, this want of zeal, or else self-will, keenness of temper, impatience, haste: O Lord, there is a host of enemies; gird me, arm me, shield me, lead me forth under thy banner; be my victorious King. 'I will go in thy name, trusting in thy promised strength and grace to help in every time of need.' Glory be to God, Father, Son, and blessed Spirit, for the grace in which I stand. But for grace I had been a willing slave to sin to this hour. By that same grace I shall one day attain to victory. I cast my burden on the Lord, he will sustain until he deliver; I will go up through the wilderness, trusting in the promises, and continue fighting in his strength. 'My soul waits for thy salvation.' Lord, enable me to keep 'looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of faith.' O give faith in every part of his mediatorial character. May I feed upon him and be strong for this sore fight. Give courage, O Lord; press me forward: may I resolve, and keep the resolution, to resist unto blood, striving against sin.

"I have been a slothful servant in thy family, an idle laborer in thy vineyard, 'an unfruitful branch,' a poor dwarfish member in thy body. Grant, O grant a little fruit on the topmost bough. O, at the 'eleventh hour' may I begin to work, to bear some fruit, to the glory of that grace by which my soul is saved from the wages of sin, death, and hell, and made heir, by free gift, of the wages of righteousness, eternal life, and glory. I wait for thy salvation."

There being no public, free, or Sabbath-schools in the city, Mrs. Graham used her endeavors to promote such as would at least furnish education to the children of the widows under her care; and several young ladies offered their services, which she thus notices:

"FEBRUARY, 1804.