Chapter VII: Part 7

Lastly, The worst consequence is behind. If we raise the duty on wine to a considerable height, we lose the only hold we have of keeping among us the few gentlemen of any tolerable estates. I am confident there is hardly a gentleman of eight hundred pounds a year and upwards, in this kingdom, who would balance half an hour to consider whether he should live here or in England, if a family could be as cheaply maintained in the one as the other. As to eatables, they are as cheap in many fine counties of England, as in some very indifferent ones here; or, if there be any difference, that vein of thrift and prudence in economy, which passes there without reproach, (and chiefly in London itself,) would amply make up the difference. But the article of French wine is hardly tolerable, in any degree of plenty, to a middling fortune; and this is it, which, by growing habitual, wholly turns the scale with those few landed men, disengaged from employments, who content themselves to live hospitably with plenty of good wine in their own country, rather than in penury and obscurity in another, with bad, or with none at all.

Having, therefore, as far as in me lies, abolished this additional duty upon wine; for I am not under the least concern about paying the interest of the national debt, but leave it, as in loyalty bound, wholly to the wisdom of the honourable House of Commons; I come now to consider by what methods we may be able to put off and delay our utter undoing as long as it is possible.

I never have discoursed with any reasonable man upon this subject, who did not allow that there was no remedy left us, but to lessen the importation of all unnecessary commodities as much as it was possible; and likewise either to persuade our absentees to spend their money at home, which is impossible; or tax them at five shillings in the pound during their absence, with such allowances, upon necessary occasions, as it shall be thought convenient: or, by permitting us a free trade, which is denied to no other nation upon earth. The three last methods are treated by Mr. Prior, in his most useful treatise, added to his list of absentees.[128]

It is to gratify the vanity, and pride, and luxury of the women, and of the young fops who admire them, that we owe this insupportable grievance, of bringing in the instruments of our ruin. There is annually brought over to this kingdom near ninety thousand pounds worth of silk, whereof the greater part is manufactured. Thirty thousand pounds more is expended in muslin, holland, cambric, and calico. What the price of lace amounts to, is not easy to be collected from the custom-house book, being a kind of goods that takes up little room, and is easily run; but, considering the prodigious price of a woman's head-dress, at ten, twelve, twenty pounds a yard, must be very great. The tea, rated at seven shillings per pound, comes to near twelve thousand pounds; but, considering it as the common luxury of every chambermaid, sempstress, and tradesman's wife, both in town and country, however they come by it, must needs cost the kingdom double that sum. Coffee is somewhere above seven thousand pounds. I have seen no account of the chocolate, and some other Indian or American goods. The drapery imported is about four-and-twenty thousand pounds. The whole amounts (with one or two other particulars) to one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. The lavishing of all which money is just as prudent and necessary, as to see a man in an embroidered coat, begging out of Newgate in an old shoe.

I allow that the thrown and raw silk is less pernicious, because we have some share in the manufacture: but we are not now in circumstances to trifle. It costs us above forty thousand pounds a-year; and if the ladies, till better times, will not be content to go in their own country shifts, I wish they may go in rags.

Let them vie with each other in the fineness of their native linen: their beauty and gentleness will as well appear, as if they were covered over with diamonds and brocade.

I believe no man is so weak, as to hope or expect that such a reformation can be brought about by a law. But a thorough hearty, unanimous vote, in both houses of Parliament, might perhaps answer as well: every senator, noble or plebeian, giving his honour, that neither himself, nor any of his family, would, in their dress, or furniture of their houses, make use of anything except what was of the growth and manufacture of this kingdom; and that they would use the utmost of their power, influence, and credit, to prevail on their tenants, dependants, and friends, to follow their example.

A

MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE

FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR PARENTS

OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL

TO THE PUBLIC.

NOTE.

Perhaps in no literature is there to be found a piece of writing in
any sense comparable to this "Modest Proposal." Written,
apparently, in a light and comic vein, it might deceive the casual
reader into the belief that Swift had achieved a joke. It has the
air of a smiling and indifferent _raconteur_ amusing an
after-dinner table. In truth, however, this piece of writing is a
terrible indictment made by an advocate speaking against the result
of a tyranny of power which, through wicked stupidity or complacent
indifference, had afflicted a people almost to extinction. The
restraint of the writer evinced in this tract, is the more
remarkable, when we remember that he was Ireland's foremost
patriot, that he had been her champion for liberty and
independence, and that an indignation filled him at all times,
lacerating his heart, against the cruelty and oppression and
wretchedness of humanity generally. Here, he sits down and writes
as calmly as if composing an ordinary sermon, and proposes, in cold
blood, to alleviate the poverty of the Irish people by the sale of
their children as table food for the rich. He even goes into
calculations as to cost of breeding, and shows how a mother might
earn eight shillings a year on each child, by disposing of its
carcass for ten shillings. Of the million and a half people who
inhabit the country, he assumes that there are 200,000 who beget
children; of these about 30,000 are able to provide for their
offspring, but the balance of 170,000 must inevitably become a
burden. What is to become of them? Many schemes have been proposed
to meet their case, but not one of them has answered. Trade and
agriculture gave them no opportunity, since the trade of the
country was almost at a standstill, and land was now either too
dear to keep or too poor to cultivate. At the time of Swift's
writing Ireland had passed through three frightful years of famine.
Corn had become so dear that riots occurred at the ports where what
corn remained was being exported. The land, as Swift wrote to Pope
(August 11th, 1729) was in every place strewn with beggars. The
poor labourer, had work been found for him, was too weak in body to
undertake it. Thousands had already died of starvation and the
diseases consequent on hunger. Those that managed to exist did so
in filth, and dying every day, as Swift wrote on another occasion,
"and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth and vermin."

No, there was only one way out of the difficulty, and that was to
have these poor people breed children, which they could profitably
dispose of for food. Let them fatten their offspring as best they
could and sell them dead or alive for cooking. The irony of the
proposition may sound appalling to us in this century, but Swift
was not exaggerating the distress of his day. Even Primate Boulter,
who was certainly the last man to overstate an Irish case, sent
such reports as gave the English Government anxiety. To Swift it
was no time for polite speeches and calm proposals. He had already
given them in abundance. Now was the time for something merry and
with laughter:

"I may storm and rage in vain;
It but stupifies your brain.
But with raillery to nettle,
Set your thoughts upon their mettle."

It was in this spirit that the "Modest Proposal" was written. Swift
concludes with a final touch by telling us that he has nothing to
gain personally by his suggestion, since his "youngest child is
nine and his wife past child-bearing."

* * * * *

The text of the present edition is that of the original issue
collated with that given by Faulkner.

[T. S.]

A MODEST

PROPOSAL

For preventing the

CHILDREN

OF

POOR PEOPLE

From ~being a Burthen~ to

Their Parents or Country,

AND

For making them Beneficial to the

PUBLICK.

* * * * *

By Dr. Swift.

* * * * *

_Dublin_, Printed by _S. Harding_:

_London_, Reprinted; and sold by _J. Roberts_ in _Warwick-lane_, and the Pamphlet-Shops.

M.DCC.XXIX.

A MODEST PROPOSAL

FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE FROM BEING A BURTHEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC.

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin-doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, _all in rags_, and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling, to beg sustenance for their helpless infants, who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear Native Country to fight for the Pretender in Spain,[129] or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children, in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound useful members of the commonwealth would deserve so well of the public, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars, it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts, for many years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true a child, just dropped from its dam, may be supported by her milk for a solar year with little other nourishment, at most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging, and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them, in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding and partly to the clothing of many thousands.

There as likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas, too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expense, than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half,[130] of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders, from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples, who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many under the present distresses of the kingdom, but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident, or disease within the year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born: The question therefore is, how this number shall be reared, and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed, for we can neither employ them in handicraft, or agriculture; we neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although, I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked upon only as _probationers_, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the County of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve years old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the Exchange, which cannot turn to account either to the parents or the kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London,[131] that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled, and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males, which is more than we allow to sheep, black-cattle, or swine, and my reason is that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may at a year old be offered in sale to the persons of quality, and fortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year if tolerably nursed increaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Infants' flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after, for we are told by a grave author an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent, than at any other season; therefore reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage by lessening the number of Papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings _per annum_, rags included, and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus the Squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting, although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on this matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve, so great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve, for want of work and service: and these to be disposed of by their parents if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend, and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think with humble submission, be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves: And besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty, which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar,[132] a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality, as a prime dainty, and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his Imperial Majesty's Prime Minister of State, and other great Mandarins of the Court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who, without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at the playhouse, and assemblies in foreign fineries, which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every day dying, and rotting, by cold, and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the younger labourers they are now in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree, that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of Papists, with whom we are yearly over-run, being the principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay at home, and pay tithes against their conscience, to an Episcopal curate.[133]

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress, and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and _money a thing unknown_.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a piece _per annum_, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds _per annum_, besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in taste, and the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of eight shillings sterling _per annum_, by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life, to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public to their annual profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market, men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sows when they are ready to farrow, nor offer to beat or kick them (as it is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated: For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrelled beef; the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables, which are no way comparable in taste, or magnificence to a well-grown, fat yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other public entertainment. But this, and many others I omit being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infants' flesh, besides others who might have it at merry-meetings, particularly weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and was indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy _for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon earth_. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: _Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither clothes, nor household furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our Country, wherein we differ even from_ LAPLANDERS, _and the inhabitants of_ TOPINAMBOO:[134] _Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing:[135] Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy toward their tenants. Lastly of putting a spirit of honesty, industry and skill into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it_.[136]

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, till he hath at least some glimpse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice.

But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in _disobliging_ ENGLAND. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation,[137] the flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, _although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it_.

After all I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author, or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure, throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling adding those, who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, cottagers and labourers with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect. I desire those politicians, who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like, or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.

I profess in the sincerity of my heart that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the _public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich_. I have no children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.

ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN.

NOTE.

This "Answer" forms an excellent continuation of the "Modest
Proposal." It is in an entirely different vein, but is, in its own
way, an admirable example of Swift's strength in handling a public
question. The English government had been offering every facility
to French officers for recruiting their army from Ireland. The
"Craftsman" made some strong remarks on this, and Primate Boulter,
in his letter to the Duke of Newcastle, under date October 14th,
1730, told his Grace, "that after consulting with the Lords
Justices on the subject he found that they apprehend there will be
greater difficulties in this affair than at first offered." He
enters into the difficulties to be overcome in order to act in
consonance with the wishes of his Majesty, and promises that
"effectual care shall be taken that none of the officers who are
come hither, suffer on this account" (Letter, pp. 26-27, vol. ii.,
Dublin, edit. 1770). Swift uses the matter for his own purposes and
ironically welcomes this chance for the depopulation of Ireland.
"When our island is a desert, we will send all our raw material to
England, and receive from her all our manufactured articles. A
leather coinage will be all we want, separated, as we shall then
be, from all human kind. We shall have lost all; but we may be left
in peace, and we shall have no more to tempt the plunderer." Scott
styles this "Answer" a masterpiece.

* * * * *

The text of this edition is based on that given by Faulkner in the
ninth volume of his edition of Swift issued in 1772.

[T. S.]

ANSWER TO THE CRAFTSMAN.[138]

SIR,

I detest reading your papers, because I am not of your principles, and because I cannot endure to be convinced. Yet I was prevailed on to peruse your Craftsman of December the 12th, wherein I discover you to be as great an enemy of this country, as you are of your own. You are pleased to reflect on a project I proposed, of making the children of Irish parents to be useful to the public instead of being burdensome;[139] and you venture to assert, that your own scheme is more charitable, of not permitting our Popish natives to be listed in the service of any foreign prince.

Perhaps, sir, you may not have heard of any kingdom so unhappy as this, both in their imports and exports. We import a sort of goods, of no intrinsic value, which costeth us above forty thousand pounds a year to dress, and scour, and polish them, which altogether do not yield one penny advantage;[140] and we annually export above seven hundred thousand pounds a year in another kind of goods, for which we receive not one single farthing in return; even the money paid for the letters sent in transacting this commerce being all returned to England. But now, when there is a most lucky opportunity offered to begin a trade, whereby this nation will save many thousand pounds a year, and England be a prodigious gainer, you are pleased, without a call, officiously and maliciously to interpose with very frivolous arguments.

It is well known, that about sixty years ago the exportation of live cattle from hence to England was a great benefit to both kingdoms, until that branch of traffic was stopped by an act of Parliament on your side, whereof you have had sufficient reason to repent.[141] Upon which account, when another act passed your Parliament, forbidding the exportation of live men to any foreign country, you were so wise to put in a clause, allowing it to be done by his Majesty's permission, under his sign manual,[142] for which, among other great benefits granted to Ireland, we are infinitely obliged to the British legislature. Yet this very grace and favour you, Mr. D'Anvers, whom we never disobliged, are endeavouring to prevent; which, I will take upon me to say, is a manifest mark of your disaffection to his Majesty, a want of duty to the ministry, and a wicked design of oppressing this kingdom, and a traitorous attempt to lessen the trade and manufacture of England.

Our truest and best ally, the Most Christian King,[143] hath obtained his Majesty's licence, pursuant to law, to export from hence some thousand bodies of healthy, young, living men, to supply his Irish regiments. The King of Spain, as you assert yourself, hath desired the same civility, and seemeth to have at least as good a claim. Supposing then that these two potentates will only desire leave to carry off six thousand men between them to France and Spain; then, by computing the maintenance of a tall, hungry Irishman, in food and clothes, to be only at five pounds a head, here will be thirty thousand pounds per annum saved clear to the nation; for they can find no other employment at home, beside begging, robbing, or stealing. But, if thirty, forty, or fifty thousand (which we could gladly spare) were sent on the same errand, what an immense benefit must it be to us! And if the two princes, in whose service they were, should happen to be at war with each other, how soon would those recruits be destroyed! Then what a number of friends would the Pretender lose, and what a number of Popish enemies all true Protestants get rid of! Add to this, that then, by such a practice, the lands of Ireland, that want hands for tillage, must be employed in grazing, which would sink the price of wool, raw hides, butter, and tallow, so that the English might have them at their own rates, and in return send us wheat to make our bread, barley to brew our drink, and oats for our houses, without any labour of our own.

Upon this occasion, I desire humbly to offer a scheme, which, in my opinion, would best answer the true interests of both kingdoms: For although I bear a most tender filial affection to England, my dear native country, yet I cannot deny but this noble island hath a great share in my love and esteem; nor can I express how much I desire to see it flourish in trade and opulence, even beyond its present happy condition.

The profitable land of this kingdom is, I think, usually computed at seventeen millions of acres, all which I propose to be wholly turned to grazing. Now, it is found by experience, that one grazier and his family can manage two thousand acres. Thus sixteen millions eight hundred thousand acres may be managed by eight thousand four hundred families; and the fraction of two hundred thousand acres will be more than sufficient for cabins, out-houses, and potatoe-gardens; because it is to be understood that corn of all sorts must be sent to us from England.

These eight thousand four hundred families may be divided among the four provinces, according to the number of houses in each province; and making the equal allowance of eight to a family, the number of inhabitants will amount to sixty-seven thousand two hundred souls. To these we are to add a standing army of twenty thousand English; which, together with their trulls, their bastards, and their horse-boys, will, by a gross computation, very near double the count, and be very sufficient for the defence and grazing of the kingdom, as well as to enrich our neighbours, expel popery, and keep out the Pretender. And, lest the army should be at a loss for business, I think it would be very prudent to employ them in collecting the public taxes for paying themselves and the civil list.

I advise, that all the owners of these lands should live constantly in England, in order to learn politeness, and qualify themselves for employments; but, for fear of increasing the natives in this island, that an annual draught, according to the number born every year, be exported to whatever prince will bear the carriage, or transplanted to the English dominions on the American continent, as a screen between his Majesty's English subjects and the savage Indians.

I advise likewise, that no commodity whatsoever, of this nation's growth, should be sent to any other country except England, under the penalty of high treason; and that all the said commodities shall be sent in their natural state; the hides raw, the wool uncombed, the flax in the stub; excepting only fish, butter, tallow, and whatever else will be spoiled in the carriage. On the contrary, that no goods whatsoever shall be exported hither, except from England, under the same penalty: that England should be forced, at their own rates, to send us over clothes ready made, as well as shirts and smocks to the soldiers and their trulls; all iron, wooden, and earthen ware, and whatever furniture may be necessary for the cabins of graziers; with a sufficient quantity of gin, and other spirits, for those who, can afford to be drunk on holidays.

As to the civil and ecclesiastical administration, which I have not yet fully considered, I can say little; only, with regard to the latter, it is plain, that the article of paying tithe for supporting speculative opinions in religion, which is so insupportable a burden to all true Protestants, and to most churchmen, will be very much lessened by this expedient; because dry cattle pay nothing to the spiritual hireling, any more than imported corn; so that the industrious shepherd and cowherd may sit every man under his own blackberry-bush, and on his own potato-bed, whereby this happy island will become a new Arcadia.

I do likewise propose, that no money shall be used in Ireland except what is made of leather, which likewise shall be coined in England, and imported; and that the taxes shall be levied out of the commodities we export to England, and there turned into money for his Majesty's use; and the rents to landlords discharged in the same manner. This will be no manner of grievance, for we already see it very practicable to live without money, and shall be more convinced of it every day. But whether paper shall still continue to supply that defect, or whether we shall hang up all those who profess the trade of bankers, (which latter I am rather inclined to,) must be left to the consideration of wiser politicians.

That which maketh me more zealously bent upon this scheme, is my desire of living in amity with our neighbouring brethren; for we have already tried all other means without effect, to that blessed end: and, by the course of measures taken for some years past, it should seem that we are all agreed in the point.

This expedient will be of great advantage to both kingdoms, upon several accounts: for, as to England, they have a just claim to the balance of trade on their side with the whole world: and therefore our ancestors and we, who conquered this kingdom for them, ought, in duty and gratitude, to let them have the whole benefit of that conquest to themselves; especially when the conquest was amicably made without bloodshed, by a stipulation between the Irish princes and Henry II.; by which they paid him, indeed, not equal homage with what the electors of Germany do to the emperor, but very near the same that he did to the King of France for his French dominions.

In consequence of this claim from England, that kingdom may very reasonably demand the benefit of all our commodities in their natural growth, to be manufactured by their people, and a sufficient quantity of them for our use to be returned hither fully manufactured.

This, on the other side, will be of great benefit to our inhabitants the graziers; when time and labour will be too much taken up in manuring their ground, feeding their cattle, shearing their sheep, and sending over their oxen fit for slaughter; to which employments they are turned by nature, as descended from the Scythians, whose diet they are still so fond of. So Virgil describeth it:--

Et lac concretum cum sanguine bibit equino;

Which, in English, is bonnyclabber[144] mingled with the blood of horses, as they formerly did, until about the beginning of the last century luxury, under the form of politeness, began to creep in, they changed the blood of horses for that of their black cattle, and, by consequence, became less warlike than their ancestors.

Although I proposed that the army should be collectors of the public revenues, yet I did not thereby intend that those taxes should be paid in gold or silver; but in kind, as all other rent: For, the custom of tenants making their payments in money, is a new thing in the world, little known in former ages, nor generally practised in any nation at present, except this island and the southern parts of Britain. But, to my great satisfaction, I foresee better times; the ancient manner beginneth to be now practised in many parts of Connaught, as well as in the county of Cork; where the squires turn tenants to themselves, divide so many cattle to their slaves, who are to provide such a quantity of butter, hides, or tallow, still keeping up their number of cattle; and carry the goods to Cork, or other port towns, and then sell them to the merchants. By which invention there is no such thing as a ruined farmer to be seen; but the people live with comfort on potatoes and bonnyclabber, neither of which are vendible commodities abroad.

A

VINDICATION

OF

HIS EXCELLENCY JOHN, LORD CARTERET.

NOTE.

JOHN CARTERET, EARL GRANVILLE, succeeded to the Carteret
barony at the early age of five years. He was the son of George,
the first Baron Carteret, and was born in 1690. He was educated at
Westminster School and Christ Church, Oxford, from which latter
place, as Swift puts it, "he carried away more Greek, Latin, and
philosophy than properly became a person of his rank." In the House
of Lords Carteret was known as a strong adherent of the Protestant
succession, and joined the Sunderland party on the split of the
Whigs in 1717. As ambassador extraordinary to the Court of Sweden
he was eminently successful, being the instrument by which, in
1720, peace was established between Sweden, Prussia, and Hanover.
Later, he served in a similar capacity with Earl Stanhope and Sir
Robert Sutton at the Congress of Cambray.

In 1721 he was appointed Secretary of State of the southern
province, but although a member of the Walpole administration, he
intrigued with the King against Walpole, and attempted to form a
party in opposition to that minister. He ingratiated himself in the
King's favour by means of his knowledge of the German language (for
George knew no English), and obtained the support of Carleton,
Roxburghe, Cadogan, and the Countess of Darlington. Walpole,
however, was too strong for him. He managed to get Carteret to
Ireland as Lord Lieutenant, and the Duke of Newcastle took up the
office held by him in England. The condition of Ireland at this
time was such as to cause grave anxiety to the English government.
Carteret was sent ostensibly to a post of great importance, though,
in reality, to be out of Walpole's way. For an account of
Carteret's government during the agitation against Wood's
halfpence, the reader is referred to the sixth volume of the
present edition.

During the King's absence from England in 1723, Carteret had been
one of the lords justices of the country, and in 1725, when George
was again away, he was again appointed to this office. George,
however, died on his way to Hanover; but, on the accession of
George II., Carteret continued to hold high office. He was
re-appointed to the Irish Lord Lieutenancy in 1727, and it was
during this second term that he was criticised for the conduct
Swift vindicates in the following tract.

The Dean had a great admiration both for the scholarship and temper
of Carteret. The admiration was mutual, for Carteret often
consulted with Swift on important matters, and, though he dared not
appoint the Drapier to any position of importance, he took occasion
to assist the Drapier's friends. At the time of the proclamation
against the Drapier's fourth letter, the Dean, writes Scott,
"visited the Castle, and having waited for some time without seeing
the Lord Lieutenant, wrote upon one of the windows of the chamber
of audience these lines:

'My very good lord, 'tis a very hard task,
For a man to wait here, who has nothing to ask.'

Under which Carteret wrote the following happy reply:

'My very good Dean, there are few who come here,
But have something to ask, or something to fear.'"

To Carteret's politic government of Ireland was mainly due the
peaceful condition which prevailed amidst all the agitation roused
by bad management and wretchedness. In a letter to Swift, written
many years later (March, 1737), Carteret writes: "The people ask me
how I governed Ireland, I say that I pleased Dr. Swift." And Swift
confessed (in a letter to Gay, November 19th, 1730) that Carteret
"had a genteeler manner of binding the chains of the kingdom than
most of his predecessors." It was to Carteret that Swift made his
well-known remark, on an occasion of a visit, "What, in God's name,
do you do here? Get back to your own country, and send us our
boobies again."

Swift was well aware that Carteret had not the power to make the
changes in Ireland necessary for its well-being. Such changes could
come only from the government in England, and as this was
implacable, Carteret was but an instrument in its hands. Swift was
therefore compelled to rest content with obtaining what favours he
could for those friends of his who he knew deserved advancement,
and he allowed no occasion to slip by without soliciting in their
behalf.

Richard Tighe (who had managed to injure Sheridan in his
chaplaincy), with a number of the more violent members of the Whigs
in Ireland, took up Carteret's conduct, attempted, by means of
their interpretation of the Lord Lieutenant's promotions, to injure
him with the government, and accused him of advancing individuals
who were enemies of the government. Swift took up the charge in his
usual ironical manner, and wrote the Vindication which follows.

Carteret, it may be added here, was dismissed from his office in
1730, and joined Pulteney in a bitter struggle against Walpole,
which culminated in his famous resolution, presented to the House
of Lords, desiring that the King should remove Walpole from his
presence and counsels for ever. Carteret failed, but Walpole was
compelled to resign in 1742. The rest of Carteret's career bears no
relation to Irish affairs.

* * * * *

The present text is founded on that of the original London edition
printed in 1730, collated with the Dublin edition of the same date.
They differ in many minor details from that given by Scott in 1824.

[T. S.]

A

VINDICATION

OF HIS

EXCELLENCY

THE

Lord _C----T_,

FROM THE

CHARGE

Of favouring none but

TORIES, HIGH-CHURCHMEN and

JACOBITES.

* * * * *

By the Reverend Dr, _S----T_.

* * * * *

LONDON:

Printed for T. WARNER at the _Black-Boy_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_. MDCCXXX.

(Price _6d._)

A VINDICATION OF HIS EXCELLENCY JOHN, LORD CARTERET.

In order to treat this important subject with the greatest fairness and impartiality, perhaps it may be convenient to give some account of his Excellency in whose life and character there are certain particulars, which might give a very just suspicion of some truth in the accusation he lies under.

He is descended from two noble, ancient, and most loyal families, the Carterets and the Granvilles. Too much distinguish'd, I confess, for what they acted, and what they suffer'd in defending the former Constitution in Church and State, under King Charles the Martyr; I mean that very Prince, on account of whose martyrdom "a Form of Prayer, with Fasting," was enjoined, by Act of Parliament, "to be used on the 30th day of January every year, to implore the mercies of God, that the guilt of that sacred and innocent blood, might not be visited on us or our posterity," as we may read at large in our Common Prayer Books. Which day hath been solemnly kept, even within the memory of many men now alive.

His Excellency, the present Lord, was educated in the University of Oxford,[145] from whence, with a singularity scarce to be justified, he carried away more Greek, Latin, and philosophy, than properly became a person of his rank, indeed much more of each than most of those who are forced to live by their learning, will be at the unnecessary pains to load their heads with.

This was the rock he split on, upon his first appearance in the world, and just got clear of his guardians. For, as soon as he came to town, some bishops, and clergymen, and other persons most eminent for learning and parts, got him among them, from whom though he were fortunately dragged by a lady and the Court, yet he could never wipe off the stain, nor wash out the tincture of his University acquirements and dispositions.

To this another misfortune was added; that it pleased God to endow him with great natural talents, memory, judgment, comprehension, eloquence, and wit. And, to finish the work, all these were fortified even in his youth, with the advantages received by such employments as are best fitted both to exercise and polish the gifts of nature and education; having been Ambassador in several Courts when his age would hardly allow him to take a degree, and made principal Secretary of State, at a period when, according to custom, he ought to have been busied in losing his money at a chocolate-house, or in other amusements equally laudable and epidemic among persons of honour.

I cannot omit another weak side in his Excellency, for it is known, and can be proved upon him, that Greek and Latin books might be found every day in his dressing-room, if it were carefully searched; and there is reason to suspect, that some of the said books have been privately conveyed to him by Tory hands. I am likewise assured, that he hath been taken in the very fact of reading the said books, even in the midst of a session, to the great neglect of public affairs.[146]

I own there may be some grounds for this charge, because I have it from good hands, that when his Excellency is at dinner with one or two scholars at his elbows, he grows a most unsupportable, and unintelligible companion to all the fine gentlemen round the table.

I cannot deny that his Excellency lies under another great disadvantage. For, with all the accomplishments above-mentioned, adding that of a most comely and graceful person, and during the prime of youth, spirits, and vigor, he hath in a most unexemplary manner led a regular domestic life, discovers a great esteem, and friendship, and love for his lady, as well as a true affection for his children; and when he is disposed to admit an entertaining evening companion, he doth not always enough reflect whether the person may possibly in former days have lain under the imputation of a Tory; nor at such times do the natural or affected fears of Popery and the Pretender make any part of the conversation; I presume, because neither Homer, Plato, Aristotle, nor Cicero have made any mention of them.

These I freely acknowledge to be his Excellency's failings: Yet I think it is agreed by philosophers and divines, that some allowance ought to be given to human infirmity, and the prejudices of a wrong education.