Chapter VII: Part 7

"I reckon yo' all doan' know Philadelphy ve'y well, sah, aw yo'd know dat's Lau'el Hill Cemete'y!" said the son of Ham.

"Well, what of that?" asked Field.

"Dat wattah doan' hu't us Philaydelphians none, sah," replied the native son. "W'y, mos' all of de folkses bu'ied theah aw f'om ouah ve'y best fam'lies!"--_Success._

MR. CRAWFORD'S ENDEAVOR.

"W.B. Yeats, the English poet, got off a good thing when he was at the Franklin Inn for lunch the other day," said the Literary Man. "Of course he's all for art for art's sake, but he told of a woman who once said to Marion Crawford, the novelist:

"'Have you ever written anything that will live after you have gone?'

"'Madam,' Crawford replied, 'what I am trying to do is to write something that will enable me to live while I am here.'"--_Philadelphia Press._

THE HOT WATER CURE.

Dr. William Osler is always exceedingly precise in his directions to patients. He relates an experience which a brother practitioner once had which illustrates the dangers of lack of precision.

A young man one day visited this doctor and described a common malady that had befallen him.

"The thing for you to do," the physician said, "is to drink hot water an hour before breakfast every morning."

The patient took his leave, and in a week returned.

"Well, how are you feeling?" the physician asked.

"Worse, doctor; worse, if anything," was the reply.

"Ah! Did you follow my advice and drink hot water an hour before breakfast?"

"I did my best, sir," said the young man, "but I couldn't keep it up more'n ten minutes at a stretch."--_Woman's Home Companion._

THE UGLIEST FAMILY IN ENGLAND.

It is not unusual in life to see an awkward fellow making a false step. He attempts to recover himself and makes another; the second is followed by a third, and down he comes. Here is an illustration of what we mean:

A gentleman once said to Lord North, "Pray, my lord, who is that extremely ugly woman sitting over there?"

"That's my youngest sister," said his lordship.

"Good gracious!" said the gentleman, "I don't mean her, I mean the next."

"That is my eldest sister," replied the nobleman.

"I protest," cried the unhappy gentleman, "I don't mean her, but the third."

"That is my wife," said Lord North.

"The devil!" ejaculated the poor fellow.

"You may well say that," said Lord North, "for she is as ugly as one. But console yourself, my dear sir, we are the ugliest family in England."--_Golden Penny._

THE MAN WHO STRUCK THE KING.

The Earl of Wemyss, who, though an octogenarian, is one of the most fiery members of the Upper House, may boast of being the only man who has ever struck the King in public. It occurred when his majesty was Prince of Wales, and in the House of Lords during a debate.

The prince, as Duke of Cornwall, attended, and sat immediately before Lord Wemyss. The noble lord made a speech, during which he, as usual, became heated, and, in the course of a gesture, brought his fist down bang on His Royal Highness's hat.

The prince, appreciating the force of the earl's argument, retired to a place farther from him. Lord Wemyss was well known, before succeeding to the earldom, as Lord Elcho, an enthusiast of volunteering and rifle-shooting.--_Pearson's Weekly._

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.

A TYPICAL AMERICAN CITIZEN.

Bicentenary of the Famous Man Whom Joseph H. Choate Has
Styled "The Greatest of American Diplomats"--Contrasts of a
Successful Career--Franklin's Own Practical Rules of
Conduct, and the Epitaph He Wrote for Himself.

_An original article written for_ THE SCRAP BOOK.

It is two hundred years since Benjamin Franklin was born. The anniversary, important though it is, has led to reflections concerning the man rather than enthusiasm over him. We are struck by the great variety of his activities and accomplishments, and by the sanity of his conduct.

Benjamin Franklin is not named as the greatest American. Washington and Lincoln always will be ranked before him, because in certain achievements they stand altogether alone. The deeds which made Washington and Lincoln great required special gifts in mind and character--endowments found in such full measure only in few men and at rare intervals.

Mr. Choate's Eloquent Tribute.

Joseph H. Choate, recently ambassador to Great Britain, in his inaugural address as president of the Birmingham and Midland Institute, in 1903, paid eloquent tribute to Franklin:

His whole career has been summed up by a great French
statesman, who was one of his personal friends and
correspondents, in six words, Latin words of course:
"_Eripuit caelo fulmen sceptrumque tyrannis_," which,
unfortunately for our language, cannot be translated into
English in less than twelve: "He snatched the lightning from
the skies, and the scepter from tyrants."

Surely the briefest and most brilliant biography ever
written. He enlarged the boundaries of human knowledge by
discovering laws and facts of Nature unknown before, and
applying them to the use and service of man; and that
entitles him to lasting fame.

But his other service to mankind differed from this only in
kind, and was quite equal in degree. For he stands second
only to Washington in the list of heroic patriots who on
both sides of the Atlantic stood for those fundamental
principles of English liberty which culminated in the
independence of the United States, and have ever since been
shared by the English-speaking race the world over.

In view of his fifteen years' service in England and ten in
France, of the immense obstacles and difficulties which he
had to overcome, of the art and wisdom which he displayed,
and the incalculable value to the country of the treaties
which he negotiated, he still stands as by far the greatest
of American diplomats.

Though greatest in no one thing, Franklin was great in many things. He was, in his time and place, a great statesman, a great diplomat. He was a great scientist, a great philosopher, a great inventor, a great man of letters, a great business man.

The Variety of His Talents.

All his qualities were made valuable by his practical sense. He was interested in nothing unless he saw in it some use. The result was that he found use in almost everything. It is no wonder that he is called "the many-sided Franklin."

This practical nature makes Franklin a typical American. Most of the larger figures of the eighteenth century, when we look back to them now, seem a little remote in their way of thinking and acting. They carry the peculiar flavor of their period. But Franklin, as we know him, might be a man of the present day--of any day in American history.

In the course of his life he worked his way up through every social stratum. A self-made man, he was virtually unassisted in his efforts to advance himself. He was the fifteenth child of a poor tallow-chandler and soap-maker. All his public-school education was received before his eleventh year.

A Manager of Men.

Yet we see him in his later life the idol of the French court, pitted against the shrewdest diplomats of the Old World to plead for the struggling American colonies, and gaining his ends almost as much through social tact and charm as by the power of a well-trained mind. He did not lead men--he managed them.

The contrasts in his career can be seen in this condensed biography:

1706--Born in Boston, January 17.

1716--Taken from school and put to work
in his father's tallow-chandler's shop.

1718--Apprenticed to his brother in the
printing trade.

1723--Ran away to Philadelphia, where he
worked as a printer.

1725--Stranded in London and forced to
work at his trade.

1729--Began publication of the _Pennsylvania
Gazette._

1732--First appearance of "Poor Richard's
Almanac." Founded a Philadelphia
library, first circulating library in
America.

1737--Appointed postmaster of Philadelphia.
Organized first fire company in America.

1742--Invented the first stove used in this
country.

1743--Founded the American Philosophical Society
and the University of Pennsylvania.

1748--Retired from active business with an
estimated fortune of $75,000.

1752--The kite demonstration to prove that
lightning is electricity.

1755--Led in the defense of Pennsylvania
against the Indians.

1757--Sent to London as agent of the
Colonial Assembly of Pennsylvania.

1763--Traveled sixteen hundred miles, extending
and improving postal system.

1766--Gave testimony on the Stamp Act and spoke
for the colonies before the House of Commons.

1775--After eleven years in England returned to
America to take part in the contest for
independence, and was elected to the second
Continental Congress.

1776--On Committee of Five to frame the
Declaration of Independence. Appointed
commissioner to solicit aid from France.

1778--Secured a treaty of alliance with
France.

1781--Member of the commission to negotiate
a treaty of peace with Great Britain.

1785--President of the Commonwealth of
Pennsylvania.

1787--Assisted in framing the Constitution
of the United States.

1790--Died at his home in Philadelphia,
eighty-four years of age.

"Stranded in London in 1725;" in 1748 retiring from business "with an estimated fortune of seventy-five thousand dollars"--a real fortune in those days--besides an assured income of five thousand dollars a year from his publishing business. Here is advancement!

Franklin the Scientist.

If Franklin had remained in retirement he would be remembered as a successful colonial gentleman who contributed many maxims and proverbs to the literature of common sense.

But about this time men who had the leisure were everywhere playing with electricity. Experiments in natural science happened to be a fad, much as in recent years have been experiments in table-lifting, automatic writing, and other phenomena of what is called the "subliminal self."

Franklin studied electricity with the rest, but with the difference that he made his electrical work amount to something. The results of his experiments were published, arousing a great deal of interest in Europe.

The suggestion that thunder and lightning are electrical phenomena similar to those produced artificially was made by Franklin in 1749. The idea was not altogether new. He, however, emphasized it, and proposed an experiment by which the identity of the two manifestations of the electric fluid might be proved.

His scheme involved the erection of an iron rod on a church steeple or high tower to draw electricity from passing clouds. The experiment was first actually carried out by a Frenchman, D'Alibard.

When Franklin made his famous experiment with the kite in 1752 the theory he was seeking to prove had already been established. Yet the credit of the discovery belongs to him by right of prior suggestion.

Franklin offered, instead of the two-fluid theory of electricity, the then revolutionary one-fluid theory; discovered the poisonous nature of air breathed out from the lungs; made important meteorological discoveries, including the fact that the Gulf Stream is warmer than the surrounding ocean; proved, by experiment with colored cloths on snow, that different colors absorb the heat of the sun in different quantities.

These are among his scientific achievements. From each he drew some practical inference. He invented the lightning-rod; devised systems of ventilation for buildings, and suggested that white, since it absorbs the least heat, is the best color to wear in summer.

IN LITERATURE AND PUBLIC LIFE.

His reputation as a man of letters rests upon his journalistic work, essays, and correspondence, and his unique autobiography. He founded the first literary newspaper in America, thus becoming the first editor as distinguished from the mere news-gatherer. He founded the first literary club in America--the famous Junto. He was the first to illustrate a newspaper, and to point out the advantages of illustrated advertisements.

Though his claim to eminence as a man of letters is not to be gainsaid, he was not, in the finer distinction, a literary man. He represented no literary tradition, nor did he establish one. His practical genius confined the elements of his literary manner to lucidity, simplicity, and directness. There was no really idealistic touch in his writing. But his frankness and his genial humor kept him from ever becoming dull. His autobiography is one of the most interesting personal narratives ever written.

But Franklin's greatest work was his work as a statesman and diplomat. Between 1757 and 1775 he represented in England first his own colony of Pennsylvania and later the group of colonies. His zeal got him into trouble, for he made public, though by permission, some letters written by Governor Hutchison, of Massachusetts, in which the English government was advised to use harsh measures with the colony.

Attacked in the Privy Council for his "bad faith," Franklin stood silent until the vituperation ended, and then quietly withdrew. His demeanor inspired Horace Walpole's famous epigram:

The calm philosopher, without reply,
Withdrew, and gave his country liberty.

On that fateful day Franklin was dressed in "a new suit of spotted Manchester velvet." The man's sense of humor appears in the fact that he deliberately laid that suit aside and did not put it on again until the day when he signed the treaty of alliance between France and the American colonies.

His labors in France during the period of the American Revolution are part of the history of the time. As the French historian Lacretelle says:

His virtues and renown negotiated for him; and before the
second year of his mission had expired no one conceived it
possible to refuse fleets and armies to the countrymen of
Franklin.

A PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE.

How did Franklin make himself so effective a man? How did he succeed where others failed? The secret lies in his practical philosophy of life. Fortunately he bequeathed that secret to us in the maxims which he composed for his own guidance during his voyage back to America from England when he was twenty-two years of age. The pithy phrases are full of vitality to-day.

Eat not to dulness; drink not to elevation.

Speak naught but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid
trifling conversation.

Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut
off all unnecessary actions.

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if
you speak, speak accordingly.

Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or
unavoidable.

Drive thy business; let not thy business drive thee.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy,
and wise.

One to-day is worth two to-morrows.

Buy what thou hast no need of and ere long thou shalt sell
thy necessaries.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut
afterward.

They that won't be counseled can't be helped.

A man may, if he knows not how to save as he gets, keep his
nose all his life to the grindstone, and die not worth a
groat at last.

Worldly wise, these maxims; but sound rules of conduct. Franklin was no doddering _Polonius_, looking for advantage where others could have none. He was worldly wise, but he employed his worldly wisdom to serve not only himself but his friends, his neighbors, and finally his country.

FRANKLIN AS A RELIGIOUS MAN.

The venerable Edward Everett Hale, whose span of years reaches far back to almost touching distance with the great and good ones of the nation's infancy, sheds new light upon Benjamin Franklin's religious life in a recent article in the _Independent:_

Franklin had an indifference, almost amusing, to the
sectarian divisions of the Christian Church. Because of this
ever-amusing indifference to sect, there has grown up a
doubt in extreme circles whether Franklin was what is called
a religious man. But it is quite certain, nothing is more
certain, that he recognized the Divine Providence, the being
and love of God, the work and gospel of Jesus Christ, and
immortality of man, and that he was eager to take part as a
Christian man in the best work of the Christian Church.

Dr. Hale admits that Franklin "did not know the difference between an Episcopalian and a Roman Catholic," but thinks that he was nevertheless "one of the men who, as the English Prayer Book says in its grand way, 'profess and call themselves Christians.'"

After Franklin's death, an epitaph, written by himself when twenty-three years of age, was found among his papers. Though it was not chiseled upon his tomb, we may quote it here:

=The body of
B. FRANKLIN,
Printer,
Like the cover of an old book,
its contents torn out,
and stripped of its lettering and gilding,
lies here, food for worms.
But the work shall not be wholly lost;
for it will, as he believed, appear once more,
in a new and more perfect edition,
corrected and amended
by the Author.
He was born January 17, 1706.
Died 17. B.F.=

THE OSTRICH PUNCHING OF ARROYO AL.

I was broke in Arizony, and was gloomy as a tomb
When I got a chance at punchin' for an outfit called Star-Plume;
I didn't ask no wherefores, but jest lit out with my tarp,
As happy as an angel with the newest make o' harp.

When I struck out from the bunkhouse, for my first day on the range,
I thought the tracks we follered was peculiar like and strange,
And when I asked about it, the roundup foreman sez:
"You ain't a punchin' cattle, but are herdin' ostriches."

Well, we chased a bunch o' critters on the hot and sandy plain,
Though 'twas like a purp a-racin' with a U.S.A. mail train;
But at last we got 'em herded in a wire fence corral,
And the foreman sez, offhand like: "Jest go in and rope one, Al."
Well, the first one that I tackled was an Eiffel Tower bird,
But the noose ain't pinched his thorax 'fore several things occurred:
He spread his millinery jest as if he meant to fly,
And then he reached out with a stilt and kicked me in the eye.

They pulled me out from under that millin' mass o' legs,
And they fed me on hot whisky and the yelks of ostrich eggs;
And, as soon as I was able, I pulled freight fer Cattle Land,
And the ostrich punchin' bizness never gits my O.K. brand.

_Denver Republican._

A Horoscope of the Months.

BY MARION Y. BUNNER.

=What it Means to be Born Under the Sign "Pisces," Which Represents the
Period Between February 19 and March 20.=

_Compiled and edited for_ THE SCRAP BOOK.

From time immemorial man has striven to read the mystery of the stars and to discover what influence the constellations may have upon his life. The ancient Egyptians, Assyrians, Chaldeans, and Greeks have handed down to us their knowledge and their fancies, and others have augmented and embellished their work, until astrology has become a veritable treasure-house of picturesque legends. Even to-day, in this most literal and materialistic of the world's ages, when some of our most cherished myths and fairy tales have been relegated to a limbo of contempt, there are many who place a certain credence in the magic lore of the stars.

The present series of articles will set before the readers of THE SCRAP BOOK the most interesting and notable of the old astrological traditions, treating the signs and portents of the successive months in their proper places, and giving their application, real or fancied, to the lives of their "subjects."

PISCES: THE FISHES.

FEBRUARY 19 to MARCH 20.

CUSP: FEBRUARY 19 to FEBRUARY 25.

The twelve signs of the zodiac represent the physical framework of man--head, neck, shoulders, heart, loins, hands, feet, etc. The four elements, fire, earth, air, and water, are the four Triplicities which govern these signs, and there are three signs in each Triplicity. Seven planets in turn control these latter: Jupiter and Venus, which are favorable; Mars and Saturn, which are unfavorable; Mercury, which is most undecided and variable; and the Sun and Moon, which modify the favorable or unfavorable influences of the others.

The sun passes through each of the zodiacal signs successively in the course of a year; and the duration of each sign is about thirty days. But the change begins about the twentieth of each month, so that a sign extends over only two-thirds of its own month, and holds about ten days of the month preceding.

When the sun is passing from one sign to another, the period is known as a cusp. Those born during the cusps will partake of the characteristics of both the old sign which the sun is leaving and the new one which it is entering. This may be an advantage or a disadvantage, according to whether or not the two signs are in harmony. The sun must have resided in the new sign for six days; any time less than this endows one with some of the characteristics of the preceding sign.

There is a strong and lasting sympathy among persons belonging to signs of the same group, or Triplicity. They will always be congenial, either as friends or in the business world.

The constellation Pisces, the twelfth sign of the zodiac, is a phlegmatic, nocturnal, effeminate, watery sign, governing the feet. It is the last sign of the Water Triplicity, its companion being Cancer and Scorpio. Its higher attributes are emotion and silence.

Those born under this sign are thoughtful, industrious, sensible, and persevering. They are ambitious to gain knowledge on every subject, especially on scientific and mechanical matters, and have great mechanical ability. They are logical and positive in their opinions; and while affable and apparently submissive, are in reality very determined in the accomplishment of their plans, which are always the result of long and careful deliberation.

In the fulfilment of a duty or promise, they are equally determined and faithful. They exact a reason for everything, and can always give reasons for their own actions in any matter. They are skeptical, and thoroughly materialistic.

They have strong ideas of justice, and are conscientious, anxious to earn what they possess, and dread to be dependent upon others.

These people are fond of responsibility, and can usually be relied on to fill acceptably places of trust. They have generous and self-sacrificing impulses, and are active in works of charity. They do not willingly submit to a master.

They, love beautiful things in nature and in art, and among them are to be found artists and writers. There is an innate modesty in both old and young who are born under this sign.

Pisces people are usually full-faced, with placid, sleepy eyes. They are apt to be round-shouldered. The physical temperament will be lymphatic-bilious in southern climates, and lymphatic-nervous in northern latitudes.

They will find their most congenial friends among Virgo and Capricorn people. When a Pisces and either a Virgo or a Capricorn subject are united in marriage, the offspring are bright and intellectual. Domestic comfort and satisfaction will be found the general results of such marriages.

Many precocious little ones are born under this sign. Every possible care should be given to the development of the willpower of these children. They sometimes show a peculiar obstinacy, which should be broken. They should be led to act and to decide for themselves, by means of principles, which they will be exceedingly quick to understand.

A few of the famous people who have been born under this sign are Victor Hugo, Charles Darwin, Rachel, and Philip H. Sheridan. These are good examples of the persistency and conscientiousness typical of Pisces subjects.

March, the third month of our modern year, contains thirty-one days. There is an old saying, common to England and Scotland, that the last three of the thirty-one were borrowed by March from April; and they are still sometimes called the "borrowed days." In the Roman calendar, March--or, in Latin, Martius, the month of Mars--was the first month of the year. The Saxons called it Hlyd, the loud or stormy month. In England, it is often a month of excessive rains; hence the old proverb which says that "a bushel of March dust is worth an earl's ransom."

In astrology, Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio are termed the "fruitful signs," because of their watery character. This coincides with the ancient allegory of Creation, and the belief that all living things "rose out of the waters."

The fortunate day of the week for a Pisces subject is Thursday. May and June are the months in which he should start any business enterprise which he wishes to be successful.

The governing planets of March are Jupiter and Neptune. The gems of the month are chrysolite and bloodstone. The astral colors are white, pink, emerald green, and black. The flower is the daffodil.

The following are the zodiacal signs in their regular order, with proper dates, and the four triplicities.

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| THE ZODIACAL SIGNS. |
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| 1. Aries The Ram. Reigns from March 21 to April 19. |
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| 2. Taurus The Bull. Reigns from April 20 to May 19. |
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| 3. Gemini The Twins. Reigns from May 20 to June 18. |
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| 4. Cancer The Crab. Reigns from June 19 to July 23. |
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| 5. Leo The Lion. Reigns from July 24 to August 23. |
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| 6. Virgo The Virgin. Reigns from August 24 to September 21. |
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| 7. Libra The Scales. Reigns from September 22 to October 21. |
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| 8. Scorpio The Scorpion. Reigns from October 22 to November 20. |
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| 9. Sagittarius The Archer. Reigns from November 21 to December 20. |
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| 10. Capricornus The Sea-Goat. Reigns from December 21 to January 19. |
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| 11. Aquarius The Water Bearer. Reigns from January 20 to February 18. |
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| 12. Pisces The Fishes. Reigns from February 19 to March 20. |
|----------------------------------------------------------------------------|

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| THE FOUR TRIPLICITIES. |
|---------------------------------------------------------------|
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| DOMAINS. HEAD. MIDDLE. NEGATIVE. |
| |
| Fire Aries Leo Sagittarius. |
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| Earth Taurus Virgo Capricornus. |
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| Air Gemini Libra Aquarius. |
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| Water Cancer Scorpio Pisces. |
|---------------------------------------------------------------|

FATE.

BY SUSAN MARR SPALDING.

Two shall be born the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues, and have no thought
Each of the other's being, and no heed:
And these o'er unknown seas, to unknown lands,
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act
And bend each wandering step to this one end--
That one day out of darkness they shall meet
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes.

* * * * *

And two shall walk some narrow way of life,
So nearly side by side that should one turn
Ever so little space to left or right,
They needs must stand acknowledged face to face;
And yet with wistful eyes that never meet,
With groping hands that never clasp, and lips
Calling in vain to ears that never hear,
They seek each other all their weary days,
And die unsatisfied. And this is Fate.

* * * * *

Susan Marr Spalding was born in Maine, and though she has
written comparatively little for the public, she has
thousands of admirers among lovers of true poetry. Her
beautiful poem "Fate," which is reprinted above, was first
published in the New York _Graphic_ thirty years ago. Had it
not been for the keepers of scrap books it doubtless would
have disappeared a few years after it was written. Instead,
however, it has found a place in recently published
collections of verse, and is regarded as one of the most
beautiful and expressive utterances in English.

FROM THE LIPS OF ANANIAS.

A Collection of Gems that Would Have Made the Late Baron Munchausen Get
Up and Leave the Room in Despair.

A LION'S GRATITUDE.

John Burroughs, the naturalist, was laughing about the story, widely published not long since, of a wild duck that got a salt-water mussel caught on its tongue and had intelligence enough to fly from the salt to the fresh water, where it dipped the mussel, sickening it through osmosis, and thus causing it to loosen its firm grip.

"I believe that story of the duck that understood the theory of osmosis," said Mr. Burroughs. "I believe it as implicitly as I believe the story of the crippled lion and the young lieutenant.

"A young lieutenant, during an African campaign, came one day upon a badly crippled lion. The great brute limped over the tawny sand on three paws, holding its fourth paw in the air. And every now and then, with a kind of groan, it would pause and lick the injured paw piteously.

"When the lion saw the young lieutenant it came slowly toward him. He stood his ground, rifle in hand. But the beast meant no harm. It drew close to him; it rubbed against him with soft feline purrs; it extended its hurt paw.

"The lieutenant examined the paw and found that there was a large thorn in it. He extracted the thorn, the lion roaring with pain, and he bound up the wound with his handkerchief. Then, with every manifestation of relief and gratitude, the animal withdrew.

"But it remembered its benefactor. It was grateful. And in a practical way it rewarded the young man.

"This lion ran over the regiment's list of officers, and ate all who were the lieutenant's superiors in rank. Thus, in a few weeks the young man, thanks to the astute animal, became a colonel."--_Chicago Inter-Ocean._

THE KANSAS BRAND.

News comes from southern Kansas that a boy climbed a cornstalk to see how the sky and clouds looked and that now the stalk is growing faster than the boy can climb down.

The boy is clear out of sight.

Three men have taken a contract for cutting down the stalk with axes to save the boy a horrible death by starving, but the stalk grows so rapidly that they can't hit twice in the same place. The boy is living on green corn alone and has already thrown down over four bushels of cobs.

Even if the corn holds out there is still danger that the boy will reach a height where he will be frozen to death. There is some talk of attempting his rescue with a balloon.--_Topeka Capital._

A REMINISCENCE.

"It has been so wet for the last three or four years," remarked Truthful James, "that a good many people have forgot how dry it used to be.

"I remember one year when the Missouri River was dusty all the way down from Kansas City to the Mississippi. Of course the river was running all the while, but the water in it got so dry that it turned to dust and blew away. I took a boat down the river at that time, but it was so dusty on the boat that you couldn't see the hind end of it when you was standing on the front end. It was a little the worst I ever see. My mouth got so much grit and dust in it that I could strike a match on the roof of it any time.

"One day the boat got stuck in fifteen feet of Missouri River water. It was so dry and dusty that the wheel couldn't turn. What did we do? Well, sir, we went out and hired a farmer to haul fresh well water for fifteen miles to mix with the river water until it was thin enough to run the boat through."--_Kansas City Journal._

TO "FOOL" HIS COWS.

Frank Leidgen, who lives northeast of town, came in one day this week in search of green eye-glasses for his cattle. Of course our men who deal in glasses were forced to give it up as a hard proposition. When asked why he wanted his cattle to wear them, Leidgen replied:

"When in the pasture the green glasses will make the grass look green and the cattle will think it is spring and the pasture green."

It is true that it had not rained in this part of Oklahoma for some time, and the grass is very dry. We have patents on everything we can think of but patent eye-glasses for cows.

Can't some one accommodate the gentleman?--_Frederick (Oklahoma) Free Press._

SQUIRREL BECAME WOOD.

The following story is given us by a gentleman whose veracity we would not doubt:

About six years ago in the fall a hunter shot a squirrel, which lodged between two small twigs, the size of a lead pencil. This being near the man's house, he watched the squirrel each week.

The first spring the twigs grew, and the squirrel remained in the position it lodged.

The second year the twigs, which had grown to be the size of a man's fingers, died; so did the limb die.

The third year no change, but during the fourth year the tail of the squirrel dropped off, and the man noticed no change the fifth, but the sixth year he secured the limb and squirrel and found, to his surprise, that the squirrel had become a white oak bump.

Under the microscope could be seen the hairs in the wood. The places for the eyes and ears were perfect, and where the chin and forelegs had touched the twig it grew to them. The legs were intact, but the feet had disappeared. The body of the squirrel had grown to be about four inches in diameter.

What puzzled the gentleman who gave us this is, through what process could the dead animal become wood? As proof of the story, we can furnish the name of the man who has the "freak of nature" in his possession, and who watched it from the time it first lodged.--_Smith's Grove (Kentucky) Times._

THE REAL WASHINGTON.

By Max Adeler.

"You say," I remarked to the old negro who drove the hack, "that you were General Washington's body-servant?"

"Dat's so! Dat's jes so, mossa. I done waited on Washington sence he was so high--no bigger 'n a small chile."

"You know the story then about the cherry-tree and the hatchet?"

"Know it? Why, I was dar on de spot. I seen Mossa Gawge climbe de tree atter de cherries, and I seen him fling de hatchet at de boys who was a stonin' him. I done chase dem boys off de place meself."

"Do you remember his appearance as a man? What he looked like?"

"Yes, indeedy. He was a kinder short, chunky man; sorter fat and hearty-lookin'. He had chin whiskers and mustache and spectacles. Mos' generally he wore a high hat; but I'se seed him in a fur cap wid ear-warmers!"

"You were not with him, of course, when he crossed the Delaware--when he went across the Delaware River?"

"Wid him? Yes, sah; I was right dar. I was not more'n two feet off'n him as he druv across de bridge in his buggy! Dat's a fac'. I walked 'longside de off hind wheel ob dat buggy all de way."

"You saw him then when he fought the British at Trenton?"

"Sho's you're born I did! I held Mossa Gawge's coat an' hat while he fought the British at dat werry place. Mossa Gawge clinched him and den dey rassled and rassled, and at first he frew Mossa Gawge, and den Mossa Gawge flung him, and set on him and done hammered him till he cried 'nuff! Mossa Gawge won dat fight. I seed him wid me own eyes! An' I come home wid him in de kyars!"

"You weren't with him, though, when he shot the apple off the boy's head?"

"Who wa'n't wid him? I wa'n't? I was de only pusson dar 'ceptin' one white man. I loaded Mossa Gawge's revolver and han'ed it to him, and picked up de apple an' et it soon as he'd knocked it off. Nobody can't tell dish yer old niggah nuffin' 'bout dat circumstance."

"You knew all of the general's relations, too, I suppose? Martin Luther, and Peter the Hermit, and the rest?"

"Knowed um all. Many and many's de time I done waited on de table when Mossa Gawge had um to dinner. I remember dem two gemmen jes' 's well 's if I'd a seen um yesterday. Yes, sah; an' I druv 'em out often!"

"I've frequently seen pictures of Washington in which he is represented sitting upon a white horse. Did he really ride a white horse, or don't you recall the color of his horse?"

"Why, bress your soul; 'call de color ob de hoss--'call de color ob it? Do you see dish yer nigh hoss dat I'm a drivin' now, right yer? Well, dat's de werry hoss Mossa Gawge used to ride. He lef it to me in his will!"

Just then we reached the station, and I dismounted from the hack and paid Washington's body-servant for his service. No doubt a longer conversation with him would have revealed other new and startling facts relating to the Father of His Country.

LITTLE GEMS FROM WEBSTER.

Venerable men! You have come down to us from a former generation. Heaven has bounteously lengthened out your lives, that you might behold this joyous day. You are now where you stood fifty years ago this very hour, with your brothers and your neighbors, shoulder to shoulder, in the strife of your country. Behold, how altered! The same heavens are indeed over your heads; the same ocean rolls at your feet; but all else, how changed! You hear now no roar of hostile cannon, you see no mixed volumes of smoke and flame rising from burning Charlestown. The ground strewn with the dead and the dying; the impetuous charge; the steady and successful repulse; the loud call to repeated assault; the summoning of all that is manly to repeated resistance a thousand bosoms freely and fearlessly bared in an instant to whatever of terror there may be in war and death--all these you have witnessed, but you witness them no more.... All is peace; and God has granted you this sight of your country's happiness, ere you slumber forever in the grave. He has allowed you to behold and to partake the reward of your patriotic toils; and He has allowed us, your sons and countrymen, to meet you here, and in the name of the present generation, in the name of your country, in the name of liberty, to thank you!--From "_Oration on Laying the Corner-Stone of Bunker Hill Monument,_" _June 17, 1825._

* * * * *

If anything be found in the national Constitution, either by original provision or subsequent interpretation, which ought not to be in it, the people know how to get rid of it. If any construction be established unacceptable to them, so as to become practically a part of the Constitution, they will amend it at their own sovereign pleasure. But while the people choose to maintain it as it is, while they are satisfied with it and refuse to change it, who has given or who can give to the State legislatures a right to alter it, either by interference, construction, or otherwise?--_From a Speech delivered in the United States Senate_, _January 26, 1830._

* * * * *

America has furnished to the world the character of Washington. And if our American institutions had done nothing else, that alone would have entitled them to the respect of mankind.--_From Speech on the Completion of Bunker Hill Monument_, _June 17, 1843._

* * * * *

He smote the rock of the national resources, and abundant streams of revenue gushed forth. He touched the dead corpse of Public Credit, and it sprung upon its feet.--_Speech on Hamilton_, _March 10, 1831._

* * * * *

When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers therefore are the founders of human civilization.--From "_Remarks on Agriculture,_" _January 13, 1840._

* * * * *

Labor in this country is independent and proud. It has not to ask the patronage of capital, but capital solicits the aid of labor.--_Speech_, _April 1824._

* * * * *

There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession.--_From Argument on the Murder of Captain White_, _April 6, 1830._

* * * * *

Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my hand and my heart to this vote.--_Eulogy on Adams and Jefferson_, _August 2, 1826._

* * * * *

God grants liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready to guard and defend it.--_Speech_, _June 3, 1834._

* * * * *

Whatever makes men good Christians, makes them good citizens.--_From a Speech at Plymouth_, _December 22, 1820._

* * * * *

One country, one constitution, one destiny.--_Speech_, _March 15, 1837._

VAGARIES OF MATHEMATICS.

"As dull as arithmetic" is a phrase that is familiar to almost every schoolboy, and is a figure of comparison that is frequently evoked by those sages who hold down empty cracker-boxes in rural general stores. The fact is, however, that arithmetic is not always half so dull as it looks. Like some of those persons who earn a livelihood by teaching it to the young, it has a dry humor and a few vagaries of its own.

One of these vagaries has to do with the figure 9, and it is thus described by William Walsh in his "Handy Book of Literary Curiosities":

It is a most romantic number, and a most persistent,
self-willed, and obstinate one. You cannot multiply it away
or get rid of it anyhow. Whatever you do, it is sure to turn
up again, as did the body of Eugene Aram's victim.

A mathematician named Green, who died in 1794, is said to
have first called attention to the fact that all through the
multiplication table the product of nine comes to nine.
Multiply by any figure you like, and the sum of the
resultant digits will invariably add up as nine. Thus, twice
9 is 18; add the digits together, and 1 and 8 make 9. Three
times 9 is 27; and 2 and 7 is 9. So it goes on up to 11
times 9, which gives 99. Very good. Add the digits together;
9 and 9 is 18, and 8 and 1 is 9.

Go on to any extent, and you will find it impossible to get
away from the figure 9. Take an example at random: 9 times
339 is 3,051; add the digits together, and they make 9. Or
again, 9 times 2,127 is 19,143; add the digits together,
they make 18, and 8 and 1 is 9. Or still again, 9 times
5,071 is 45,639; the sum of these digits is 27, and 2 and 7
is 9.

This seems startling enough. Yet there are other queer
examples of the same form of persistence. It was M. de
Maivan who discovered that if you take any row of figures,
and, reversing their order, make a subtraction sum of
obverse and reverse, the final result of adding up the
digits of the answer will always be 9 As, for example:

2941
Reverse, 1492
----
1449

Now. 1 + 4 + 4 + 9 = 18; and 1 + 8 = 9.

The same result is obtained if you raise the numbers so
changed to their squares or cubes. Start anew, for example,
with 62; reversing it, you get 26. Now, 62 - 26 = 36, and 3
+ 6 = 9. The squares of 26 and 62 are, respectively, 676 and
3844. Subtract one from the other, and you get 3168 = 18,
and 1 + 8 = 9.

So with the cubes of 26 and 62, which are 17,576 and
238,328. Subtracting, the result is 220,752 = 18, and 1 + 8
= 9.

Again, you are confronted with the same puzzling peculiarity in another form. Write down any number, as, for example, 7,549,132, subtract therefrom the sum of its digits, and, no matter what figures you start with, the digits of the product will always come to 9.

7549132, sum of digits = 31.
31
-------

7549101, sum of digits = 27, and 2 + 7 = 9.

Again, set the figure 9 down in multiplication, thus:

1 x 9 = 9
2 x 9 = 18
3 x 9 = 27
4 x 9 = 36
5 x 9 = 45
6 x 9 = 54
7 x 9 = 63
8 x 9 = 72
9 x 9 = 81
10 x 9 = 90

Now, you will see that the tens column reads down 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and the units column up 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

Here is a different property of the same number. If you arrange in a row the cardinal numbers from 1 to 9, with the single omission of 8, and multiply the sum so represented by any one of the figures multiplied by 9, the result will present a succession of figures identical with that which was multiplied by 9. Thus, if you wish a series of fives, you take 5 x 9 = 45 for a multiplier, with this result:

12345679
45
--------

61728395
49382716
--------

555555555

A very curious number is 142,857, which, multiplied by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6, gives the same figures in the same order, beginning at a different point, but if multiplied by 7 gives all nines. Multiplied by 1, it equals 142,857; multiplied by 2, equals 285,714; multiplied by 3, equals 428,571; multiplied by 4, equals 571,428; multiplied by 5, equals 714,285; multiplied by 6, equals 857,142; multiplied by 7, equals 999,999.

Multiply 142,857 by 8, and you have 1,142,856. Then add the first figure to the last, and you have 142,857, the original number, the figures exactly the same as at the start.

The number 37 has this strange peculiarity: multiplied by 3, or by any multiple of 3 up to 27, it gives three figures all alike. Thus, three times 37 will be 111. Twice three times (6 times) 37 will be 222; three times three times (9 times) 37 gives three threes; four times three times (12 times) 37, three fours, and so on.

The wonderfully procreative power of figures, or, rather, their accumulative growth, has been exemplified in that familiar story of the farmer, who, undertaking to pay his farrier one grain of wheat for the first nail, two for the second, four for the third, and so on, found that he had bargained to give the farrier more wheat than was grown in all England.

My beloved young friends who love to frequent the roulette-table, do you know that if you begin with a dime, and were allowed to leave all your winnings on the table, five consecutive lucky guesses would give you almost a million and a half of dollars, or, to be exact, $1,450,625.52?

Yet that would be the result of winning thirty-five for one five times hand-running.

Here is another example. Take the number 15, let us say. Multiply that by itself, and you get 225. Now multiply 225 by itself, and so on until fifteen products have been multiplied by themselves in turn.

You don't think that is a difficult problem? Well, you may be a clever mathematician, but it would take you about a quarter of a century to work out this simple little sum.

The final product called for contains 38,589 figures, the first of which are 1,442. Allowing three figures to an inch, the answer would be more than a thousand feet long. To perform the operation would require about 500,000,000 figures. If they can be made at the rate of one a minute, a person working ten hours a day for three hundred days in each year would be twenty-eight years about it.

NUMBERS THAT EQUIVOCATED.

The _Woman's Home Companion_ repeats a good story that is told of a quick-witted Irishman with a natural aptitude for mental arithmetic who was working in a field with a Dutchman, when they unearthed a box of silver coins. The covetous Dutchman at once laid claim to the whole booty, because he was the first to break it open and discover its valuable contents.

"Go softly," said the Irishman, "for the whole business is mine. It's a bit of money that was left me by an uncle, and I buried it here for safe-keeping. There was a thousand dollars."

"All right with that," replied the Dutchman, as he caught on to the bait. "If you tell me how much money there is, it's with you; if you miss, she's mine."

"That's fair, and you have the sentiments of a gentleman," replied Pat, as he made a quick mental calculation from the weight of the box that there must be somewhere between fifty and three hundred and fifty dollars. "I sent six hundred and forty-two dollars and fifty-three cents to my mother in the old country, so add that amount to what there is in the box."

"That is done so quick," said the Dutchman.

"Then deduct that amount from the sum of one thousand dollars, which was left me," said Pat.

"Done again," said the Dutchman.

"Now deduct those figures from three hundred and fifty-seven dollars and forty-seven cents, which I had to pay the lawyers, and it leaves the exact amount to one cent that you will find in the box."

"That's the right money to a penny," said the Dutchman, after he had counted it carefully, "and it proves that you are an honest man."

It is not every one who can see through the mathematics of this puzzle so as to know that Pat's problem would work out all right if the box contained any sum up to three hundred and fifty dollars.

FREAK COMBINATIONS.

A well-known professor has drawn attention to the following series of numbers, which are here given without remark:

1 x 9 + 2= 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
123456789 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

Eulogy on the Dog.

BY GEORGE G. VEST.

Gentlemen of the Jury:--The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog.

Gentlemen of the jury, a man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.

One of the most famous speeches ever made by the late
Senator Vest, of Missouri, was made in the course of the
trial of a man who had wantonly shot a dog belonging to a
neighbor. Vest represented the plaintiff, who demanded two
hundred dollars' damages. When Vest finished speaking, the
jury, after two minutes' deliberation, awarded the plaintiff
five hundred dollars. The full text of the speech is printed
above.

Abou Ben Adhem.

BY LEIGH HUNT.