Chapter XIII

One family who had been guests at the summer home of my husband’s family lived in New York. They were all fond of me and I liked them well. A young daughter, who was one of my admirers but for whom I had none other than a friendly feeling, was at this time in very poor health. Her family were much worried and, in their perplexity, they talked with me about her. She had no appetite and was growing thin.

One time I was asked to stay for the night, as they were to have some kind of a party that evening. I did so and occupied a room with the daughter.

Much to my surprise she began to make love to me violently, a thing that was never even hinted at before. I have spoken of my attitude towards one who assumed the role of the “wooer” and I felt a great repulsion towards this attack.

In her excitement she went into ecstasies about the sensations she was able to experience by herself. This was something new to me, so I became an interested listener, as I thought I might perhaps find out something about her indisposition, which was so worrying her parents. Soon she had confided in me completely. I was worried and said all I could to dissuade her from going on with the practices to which she had confessed as her health would entirely give way, and tried to make her see that she was worrying her parents nearly to death. She was an only child and had been “Oh! so carefully brought up.” Of course this was a subject they never could with propriety discuss with a child!

After my visit ended, I decided to see the doctor of that family, and have a frank talk with him. He was a very old friend of the family and I had met him socially at their home.

I went to him and told him what I had discovered and begged to try to stop it, thinking of course he would be only too thankful to me for discovering the trouble which had seemed to baffle even him in his conduct of the case.

Much to my amazement he arose in mighty indignation that I should even suggest such a thing. He was furthermore insulting in his insinuations, that I was either inventing the occurrence or that I was responsible for the enlightenment of the girl. He ordered me out of his office, and said he would go to the parents and thus stop any further danger for the girl. What he said to them I never knew, but I was informed by those good people that it was their desire, for reasons which they chose to keep to themselves, that my friendship with their daughter should cease.

My school had grown to such proportions that I had now taken a large studio apartment on Washington Square.

This girl came to me one day in despair, and told me that she had been forbidden my friendship. She was in a state of rebellion, as she had no idea of what was back of it all. She said it was so unfair that she would not obey them, and she would come to me, as she was so fond of me she could not give our friendship up.

I calmed her down, and of course did not reveal the reason for this act on the part of her parents. I talked long and seriously with her, and finally got her to see that she was wrong in so indulging herself. She made me a promise that she would try her best to overcome the habit. I had known that masturbation was a habit indulged in by boys, but this was my first knowledge that it was and is a very common habit with girls as well. I was determined that she should not come to see me, and she obeyed my command. Years afterwards I ran across her in New York, happily married, but with no children. No reference was made to our former experience. Our meeting was quite natural, and we enjoyed a friendly visit.

I understood better the attitude of that doctor, while at the time I was so furious I could hardly contain myself. I have discovered for myself, and doctors have told me, that no parent will ever believe that their own precious offspring would or could ever indulge in any unnatural practices. Of others they could readily believe it but not of theirs!

Doctors have also told me that they would be promptly dismissed if they were to attempt to disclose to parents the real trouble with their child.

No children will ever acknowledge that they are doing such a thing, either to their parents or to anyone else, unless they are caught in the act.

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One thing I am trying to show is the pity of planting in the mind of the small child the deadly poison of fear and what it leads to.

A young girl will never dare to tell her parents the truth about herself for fear of punishment. She will not dare to tell a doctor the truth, as she would be ashamed to. If she should dare tell the doctor, he in turn would not dare tell the parents, for fear of offending and thereby losing his patients.

Doctors grope about in the dark many times to find causes. They may have theories, but unless they get the information straight from the only one who knows, how are they to do other than resort to the fatal sentence, as an example, of “She must never again try to have another child”?

No one but the woman who really wants to have children, as I did, knows the heartbreak those words cause. At the time it was told me, I had to believe it.

If only it may be possible for parents to look at the most vital problem in life in a sane manner, and go fully into questions of sex with their children with no feeling of shame, and obtain real co-operation from scientific minds by placing all the cards on the table, great good would be accomplished.

Older people will have to relegate to the trash heap such fallacies as, “My daughter tells me everything” or “I know my child has no idea regarding questions of sex.”

Just believe that they do know more than one realizes, and also know just how they have found out these things, and at what cost. From the minute when the average mother slaps a baby hand and says, “No! no! don’t put your hands there, naughty! naughty!” that baby is wondering why its hands are slapped and soon, on the sly, he is going to see what will happen if he goes on doing the same thing, if he is not discovered.

There is some good reason why a baby’s hand goes to its little sensitive private parts. That baby is not doing it at first because it is naughty, as he is told so early. If mothers would only do the reasonable thing and, without punishing, investigate the cause of some little irritation which might come from not properly washing those parts or from wrapping them up too closely with all the clothes deemed necessary, and then take the necessary steps to correct the conditions, they would probably find no further immediate cause for the youngster to endeavor to alleviate the uncomfortable sensation himself.

All sorts of wonderful instruction is being given to young mothers, as to the best methods of feeding and the general care of children. This also is necessary. But I have yet to learn of training as to how to overcome the tendency of a child to handle its genital organs, except by punishment of some kind.

These ideas, based as they are upon my own personal experiences, have given me such an understanding of many of these problems that I cannot but pass them on to the public.