Chapter II: Part 2

However, if you have no particular desire to be disappointed, summon to your assistance the aid of those powerful refreshers of a perfunctory Memory, the _Goose_, the _Calf_, and the _Bee_;[9] _i. e._ take _Mr. Jervis’s_ advice, and bind the Builder in a written contract, made by your Attorney, and duly Stamped, Signed, Sealed, and Witnessed, &c., to deliver the Carriage, Harness, &c. completely finished on a certain day--or that he shall forfeit, and that day shall pay to You, One Hundred Pounds, and keep his Carriage himself.

Be careful that your Contract contains a full and very particular description of every part; for

MEM.--If you order the least Alteration or Addition afterwards, it will be charged _Extra_, unless you discreetly insert a sweeping clause, that the Whole shall be completed to your entire satisfaction, for the Money, and at the Time agreed upon.

_An Honest Man_ will have no more objection to sign a written Agreement than to make a Verbal Promise, and _a Prudent Man_ will never take the latter when he can get the former:--the Expense of a written Agreement is Money expended in preventing Anxiety, which is like sacrificing a Pebble to preserve a Diamond:--those who wish to avoid disappointments and litigation, will not stir one step without _a Written Agreement_--’tis a pretty bit of Paper, that makes men Honest, and keeps them so.

After you have settled what is to be the price of the New Carriage--then, before you sign the Agreement respecting it, make your Bargain as to what Sum the Builder shall allow you for your Old One, provided you do not previously otherwise dispose of it.

_The Money allowed for an Old Carriage_, is less than a Novice will expect. I sold one Chariot, which I had in use only Five years, for only £15., nor could I get more for it, although I kept it for several Weeks.

I sold another Chariot, which had been in wear about the same time, for £30.,--and it is not often that a Builder will allow much more for a Carriage that has been in use for five or six Years:--by that time, the shape of the Body is out of Fashion, the Lining is shabby, and before it can be sold again to a particular person, it must be thoroughly repaired, which will cost a considerable Sum.

The following is an Estimate which was given to the Gentleman who bought my last Chariot.

AN ESTIMATE OF REPAIRING A CHARIOT

£. _s._ _d._

And putting in all New wood work, neatly
carved--fresh fitting, filing, and fixing the
old Iron Work with new bolts--taking the
Springs to pieces--fresh fitting the plates,
and re-fixing Springs with new rivets and
bolts--altering the Iron work of the Barouche
seat--putting a New Foot-board and fresh
hanging it and the Body 26 0 0

Handsome new Patent Lamps 2 8 0

Repairing braces, pole-pieces, &c., new covering
roller, bolts, and pole with New Leather 1 14 0

Altering and re-fixing the frame of Dash Iron,
and covering it with New Leather 4 12 0

Covering the whole of the inside with new
cotton false lining 5 10 0

New Carpets to the Bottom and the Steps 1 8 0

New Plating the Commode Handles and rivetting
the Door Handles 1 6 0

New pair of Web Holders 0 14 0

New Painting the Body of a Chariot 14 0 0

New Wheels 15 0 0

New Lining 35 0 0

Fresh Stringing and Painting Blinds 1 15 0

New covering Glass Frames 1 15 0

New Silk to Green Curtains 1 5 0

Under-Springs 25 0 0
-------------
137 7 0
-------------

Now, if the Body had not been a beautiful piece of Work, it would not have been worth while to have bestowed this large sum in renewing the Carriage part: but the whole of the exterior of the Old Body, although it had been built some Years, was more sound and unwarped, than most new Bodies are on the first day they are turned out; it was elegantly formed, and the Interior so admirably constructed for Comfort, that from it I learned the dimensions, &c. which I have given in the following description of what I think a Chariot ought to be.

Coachmakers sometimes shew _Drawings of Carriages_ for their Customers to choose from,--it _is more satisfactory, not only to see, but to take a ride in a pattern Carriage_; this your Coachmaker can take you to see, or, if you see a Carriage which pleases your Eye, your Coachman can easily learn where it is put up; go with your Coachmaker and see it, and have _a written Particular_ of all its peculiarities, _an exact Measurement_ of its dimensions, and _an Estimate_ in Writing of the cost thereof, similar to the one given in CHAP. I. Estimate No. 9.

OF THE

CONSTRUCTION OF A CHARIOT.

The Novice in these things may think that the following description is unnecessarily minute, and that he need only go to a Coachmaker and order “_a Chariot_,” and that Word will procure him all he wishes.

The form of Carriages is as absurdly at the mercy of Fashion, as the Cut of a Coat is;--however, if the Reader is willing to let the Builder please himself with the form of the Exterior, he will perhaps not be quite so polite as to submit the construction of the Interior entirely to the caprice of his Coachmaker.--If “as easy as an old Coat” be a true Aphorism, “as easy as an Old Carriage” is equally so:--by riding three or four Years in one, you become so used to it, that any change is extremely unpleasant--and if the Elbows or the Seat are too high, or too low, or too narrow, or too wide, &c. when the Body is built, it is always difficult, and often impossible, to alter it; therefore, if you like your Old Body, measure it, and order your New one accordingly.

_If you build a Body_, pay a visit to your Coachmaker while it is in progress, especially just before it is put into the hands of the Painter.

All Coachmakers, do not, always, go to the expense of covering the Roof, Back, and Sides with one piece of Leather, as they ought to do;--the common practice is to cover the Roof only with Leather, and leave the Upper sides and back of pannel board, with a groove run in the Roof where the Leather is nailed in covering the nails and filling up the groove with Putty, which the Summer’s Sun and Winter’s Rain will soon crack, and the Water entering will soil the Lining, and the Inside of the Body will become damp:--the whole of the upper part of a Body should be enveloped in one large hide of strong Leather, and neatly worked in, so that it is one solid surface of Leather to paint on, which neither Heat nor Wet can affect for many Years.

_The Breadth of a Body_, to contain three persons comfortably, should not be less than 4 feet 3 inches.

_From Back to Front_, 4 feet are enough.

_The Height of the Seat_ from the bottom, about 1 foot.

_From the Seat to the Roof_, not less than 3 feet 6 inches; the Cushions, which are commonly about three inches in thickness, not included.

A few Inches in Width and Breadth add but a few Pounds to the Weight, but contribute greatly to the Convenience of a Carriage, especially to well-grown and full-fed persons.

The little thoroughly-ugly humpty-dumpty Chariot, which looked something like a Champion Potatoe set on wheels, but which was the grand rage with Children of the Largest Growth about 30 Years ago, would not admit a small person to sit with his hat on, nor a tall one with his Hat off:--these foolish little wee Vehicles weighed only a few pounds less than the large commodious Chariots, in which the Lords and Ladies of the Creation transport themselves in at the present day.

_The Elbows_ should not be more than 6 inches above the Cushion, and should be so entirely in recess, that you may lean comfortably against the side of the Carriage:--in some ill-contrived modern bodies, they are placed too high, and project out, and as often as you loll towards them, remind you that you should not, and force you back into your perpendicular, by giving you a Punch in your Side.

In a Chariot Body of the size just described, there should be a _Front Seat_ about 10 inches in width, which will occasionally carry Two persons:--this addition is especially desirable in a Travelling Chariot, as by sitting in one corner of the Carriage, you may put your Legs upon it, and take a Nap very comfortably. This Front Seat is doubly better than the old fashioned _Bodkin Seat_ which drew out from the centre; and when you have Two fellow Travellers, in order to induce one of them to sit upon this accommodation seat, you may tell them that they will sit three times as comfortably there as on the front seat; for if they sit on that, they will be crowded themselves, and crowd two other persons also; but if one sits on the other seat, all may ride comfortably enough:--it should be fixed on with Slip-Hinges, so that it may be taken off at pleasure.

_The Door Lights or Windows_ are sometimes contracted on the Seat side about 4 inches; however, some people like them as large as possible, and besides, have the back of the Carriage stuffed eight or ten inches deep, which is exceedingly convenient for those who are anxious to exhibit themselves like Articles for sale in a Shew Glass.

Take care that _the Glasses_ are of the best Quality, well Polished, White, and as free as possible from Specs and Veins.

These Glasses are commonly bound with Cloth of the same Colour that the Carriage is lined with, or with Black Velvet, which wears better, and works in the grooves more pleasantly than any binding:--the most elegant binding is Lace like that of the Glass-holders, or in which the Crest or Arms are woven.

_The present fashion of Stuffing_ is preposterous; it reduces a Large Body to the size of a small One: however, if you like to ride about for the benefit of public inspection, as your friends, my _Lady Look-about_,--the _Widow Will-be-seen_,--and _Sir Simon Stare_, do, pray study Geoffrey Gambado on the Art of sitting politely in Carriages with the most becoming attitudes, &c. and choose wide Door Lights and full Squabbing;--if you wish to go about peaceably and quietly, like _Sir Solomon Snug_, and are contented with seeing without being seen, adopt the contracted Lights and common Stuffing, which, among others, have this great advantage, that when you sit back, you may have the side Windows down, and a thorough Air passing through the Carriage, without its blowing in directly upon you: this, to Invalids who easily catch Cold, is very important.

_The Back Light_ must not be more than 27 inches from the surface of the Cushions, or it will be too high for a person to look through it without rising up--it is convenient to have this made to Open, as it affords an easy opportunity of giving directions to the person behind the Carriage, and is a desirable aperture for admitting Air in very hot weather:--tell the Builder to give you a fine clear plate for this purpose, and not to glaze it with a semidiaphanous “_Old Accident_,”--a technical term for those “Odds and Ends” of broken Coach Glasses which are sometimes used for this purpose, and which having been continually cleaned every day for thirty or forty years, have become so scratched, that you can hardly see through them.

I recommend _the Lining to be Green_, with Lace to correspond, and the Green _silk Sun shades_ of the same Colour--Green is pleasant to the Eye, and Superfine _Cloth_ or Tabinet, is, during nine months out of the twelve, much more comfortable in this Cold climate, than the chilling _Leather_ which has lately been the fashion: in Summer this may be covered with what is commonly called a _False Lining_, which is generally made of Gingham, and is equally useful to preserve a New or hide an Old Trimming:--it should only be applied to the back and those parts of the sides that are leaned against; the Front, Roof, and Doors, should be left uncovered.

The Elegance of the Interior of a Carriage depends much upon the pattern and breadth of _the Lace_ with which the Lining is bordered, of which there are a great variety.--Lace-making is a distinct branch of Manufactory; and as “every Eye makes its own Beauty,” the person who builds a Carriage should desire his Coachmaker to furnish him with some patterns to choose from:--there are several Coach Lace-makers in Long Acre.

Some Carriages are fitted up with Squabs, _i. e._ Cushions stuffed with Wool and covered on one side with Cloth, and on the other with Silk, Linen, or Leather; the former side for Winter, the latter for Summer use.

_The Seat Cushions_ should be covered on one side with Leather, and on the other with Cloth.

Let _the Stuffing at the Back_ be no thicker than necessary to make it easy, _i. e._ about 2½ inches in thickness.

Have _the Lid of the Sword Case_ to fall down with the back attached, instead of lifting up, being much easier to put in a parcel without troubling the passengers to rise.

_The Seats_, which are usually boarded, I would recommend to be, on one side, Caned or Girt-webbed, for ease in Sitting--the other half may be fitted up with a Case for containing Grog and Prog, &c. for a Rusticating Party:--they _should be about 22 inches deep_--not more, or Short people cannot sit upon them comfortably:--they will be much easier if made on a bevil, and about an inch lower behind than they are before: if not originally so constructed, the stuffing of the Cushions may be easily adjusted so as to produce that effect.

_The Green Silk Spring Sun Shades_ should be fixed upon the Doors; this saves the trouble of putting them up every time you open the Door, which must be done when they are fixed to the Body;--if the Blinds are fixed on the Door, take care to shut it when you get out of the Carriage in Wet Weather, or they will be spoiled:--_when the Silk becomes faded_, if it is turned upside down, the part most in sight will look almost as well as new.

If the Ground Colour of the Body is good, _New Varnishing_ will sometimes do almost as well as New Painting.

I am told that the best Colour for Wear is _Midgley’s Chrome Yellow_. In consequence of the vivid brilliancy of this pigment, in all the variety of its shades, from the pale Lemon colour to the full Orange, it has of late come into general use. When properly prepared, it possesses all the desiderata of perfect Colours, Smoothness, Body, Extensibility, and ready Mixture with Oil or Water, and dries well and blends well.

_Venetian Blinds_ are delightful shades in warm Weather, as they admit the Air while they exclude the Sun; and when closed, serve as a shutter to prevent dust from soiling the Carriage while it is standing by. They should be painted on the Inside, of a Verdigrise Green, and on the Outside of the same Colour as the Carriage.

If these are not made of _extremely well-seasoned Wood_, they rattle very much in Dry, and swell in Damp weather.

These Blinds should have _Bolts_ affixed to them, which, when fastened within, if you have _Locks_ on the Carriage Doors, enable you to fasten up the interior of your Carriage completely.

There is a great deal of Rain falls during the warmest months in this Country, and our Chariots very much want _an Exterior Blind_ (a Hood as it were) in the front, which would exclude Rain, while it would admit Air:--many of our Wet days are so warm, that our Carriages are a shower Bath if the Windows are open, and a Vapour Bath if they are Shut!

_The Handle of the Door Latch_ should be double--that is, it should have an additional Handle within side, the position of which will afford you the satisfaction of seeing that the Door is properly fastened, and also the power of easily opening it in case of an Accident, &c.

It is a very great convenience to have _the power of opening the Door from the inside_. This Handle should be made to turn towards the Door, so as to be within the Door when the Door is opened, it will then be out of the way of being struck against the Body in shutting; which, if it turns to the Right, will sometimes happen when the Door is shut by perfunctorious persons.

The spindles of these Handles during the first Year, till time has worn them a little, will occasionally move too stiffly: the remedy for this is a drop of Oil.

Never permit officious Strangers to shut your Carriage Door; in order to save their own time and trouble, and to accomplish this at once, some idle and ignorant people will bang it so furiously, one almost fancies that they are trying to upset the Carriage, the pannels of which are frequently injured by such rude violence; therefore, desire your Coachman to be on the watch, and the moment he sees any one prepare to touch your Door, to say loudly and imperatively “_Don’t meddle with the Door!_”

Have _Locks_ to the Doors--they are very necessary when travelling, or when your Carriage is waiting for you at Night: _a Latch_ inside that will fasten the Door so that it cannot be opened on the outside, is also desirable, especially in Travelling Chariots.

In Landaulets the door opening without the window frame, particular directions to the Footman are necessary that he observe the Glass is entirely down before he attempts to open the Door, or the pane will be infallibly broken. When the glass is quite up there is no danger, for in rising it releases a Spring which fastens the Door; the blind does the same; so that if the Servant keep the blinds up while the Carriage is waiting, a lock may be dispensed with. I would recommend the addition of this contrivance to Coaches and Chariots.

_A Town Carriage_ should not be more than three feet from the Ground, so as to require only _One Step_; to which should be fixed _a Strap_, by which any person within the Carriage may very easily pull it up, and with the help of the _Inside Handle_, may, with equal facility, finish the Footman’s Work, and fasten the Door.

The above is an invaluable contrivance, and well deserves to be called “_a Dumb Footman_;” it entirely prevents the necessity of the Coachman’s leaving his Box; from which rash act, many lives have been lost, and many Carriages destroyed by the Horses running away[10]:--All will adopt it, excepting those persons who are so unfortunate, as to be more Proud than Prudent. _Mr. Jervis_ was extremely earnest in recommending these excellent appendages; and to impress the importance of them upon the imagination of the Editor as strongly as possible, he closed his arguments by averring, that for a Coachman to leave his Reins would be as desperate an act of rashness as for a Cook to leave her Kitchen while her Spit was going round, and equally likely to produce the most tremendous and irreparable Evils!

If such a plan be adopted, the Body must not be hung further than twenty-two inches from the Dickey, _i. e._ near enough to the Coach Box to allow the Coachman to put his hand on the top of the Door when it is opened, and hold it so while the Passengers get in and out. Till the Hinges are worn a little, they will occasionally get rusty and move too stiffly, and require a little Oil.

The present fashionable _Door Handle_ is too big by half, and is also extremely inconvenient on account of the Hinge in it, which requires an additional action, which in the course of a little wear becomes ricketty and rattles, and you can hardly tell to a certainty whether it fastens the Door completely or not.

The simple Handle without a Hinge, which was in vogue some years ago, is infinitely more convenient and safe, because its single action is more certain.

_The Crest or Arms_ in the Centre, is an elegant ornament for the Head of the Handle.

_A Boot or Budget_ fixed on the fore Carriage between the front Springs is useful to carry Horse Cloths, Luggage, &c.

_Hind Standards_ are very useful for town work, to keep the Horses and Pole of other Carriages from injuring your Hind Pannels; but as they are a heavy weight, they should be made to take off for the country.

A _Dickey Coach Box_ is the most convenient; it is less impediment to the view of those who are inside the Carriage, and more comfortable to the Coachman. They should be fixed on the Boot, and entirely detached from the Body. Let it be large enough to contain Two persons. It is not quite so easy as the Body; but for those who love Air and Exercise, and a view of the Country, it is in Summer the pleasantest place.

_The Seat_ thereof to hold Two persons, should be thirty Inches wide and twenty Inches deep, inside measurement. _The Cushion_ should be of equal thickness, and not higher on the Driving side, as it is in a Gig, because when only the Coachman is on the Box, he should sit in the middle of it. There should be a Pocket on each side in the lining, for putting Tickets in.

This kind of Coach Box may be so made as to take off, and fix on behind the Carriage. Under the Seat, for the Coachman, should drop in a Box to serve as a Tool Budget, and contain a few spare Bolts, Nuts, Linch-Pins, Nails, a Wrench, a Winch that will fit your axle, Hammer, Chisel, a Pair of Pincers, &c.; by help of which, a trifling accident on the Road may be remedied without delay.

_Take care that your Coach Box is strongly and properly fixed on_, and frequently examine the state of the Bolts and Nuts, &c. For want of sufficient strength, or of the efficient state of the supports to it, many dreadful accidents have happened; one of which we relate as a warning:--

“On Tuesday morning last, while the Coachman and the Footman, in the service of F. P. Ripley, Esq., 12, Woburn Place, Russell Square, were driving their Master’s carriage along Tavistock Place, Tavistock Square, the box on which they were sitting broke down, and precipitated them to the ground. The carriage wheels passed over the right leg of the Coachman and the left breast of the Footman. They were conveyed to their master’s with the greatest alacrity, where they received such treatment as their situations required. The coachman’s leg is bruised and lacerated extremely. The footman, on being raised from the ground, was excessively convulsed. We are sorry to add there are no hopes of his recovery.”--_Times_, June 2, 1826.

_Spikes to fix on the Hind Standards._

These spikes may be so contrived as to be put on and off very easily, with Three Nuts, in as few minutes;--the Footman’s Step should be fixed on in the same manner.

_Do not permit Strangers to place themselves behind your Carriage_ at any time, or under any pretence whatever. There are innumerable instances of Carriages having been disabled from proceeding, and Travellers robbed and finished, by allowing such accommodation. The Collectors of Check Braces, and Footmen’s Holders, assume all kind of Characters, and are so expert, that they will take these articles off in half the time that your Coachman can put them on; and will rob you of what you cannot replace for a Pound, though they cannot sell them for a Shilling.

Therefore, Spikes are indispensable when you have not a Footman; otherwise, you will be perpetually loaded with idle people, _i. e._ unless you think that two or three outside passengers are ornamental or convenient, or you like to have your Carriage continually surrounded by Crowds of Children, incessantly screaming, “Cut! Cut behind!” Why do not _the Street Keepers_ prevent this Nuisance? These officers should be stationed in Sentry Boxes, as they are in the Parish of Bloomsbury, _i. e._ the same as the Watchmen are at Night; where, when not going their Rounds, they should remain.

The multitude of _Strayed Dogs_ which are perpetually prowling and howling, and barking and biting at Horses’ heels, and making them start, and those which _are carried about in Carts_, also frequently frighten Horses and occasion Accidents, and are barbarous and dangerous _Public Nuisances_, which “_the Street Keepers_” should suppress.

Let it be enacted--that all Dogs, Fowls, and any other Beasts and Birds, found in the Streets, _not having a Collar_ on, on which is engraven the Name and place of abode of the Owner thereof, shall henceforth be seizeable by any Constable, or Street Keeper, or Watchman, or any person who finds them; which they shall have power to dispose of as their own property; and those _with a Collar_ also, unless their owners immediately pay a fine of five shillings; one moiety of which shall be to the person finding them, the other to the Poor of the Parish. For want of such salutary Regulations, some of the Streets of London are like a Dog Kennel or a Poultry Yard.

These Beasts and Birds are seldom kept except by petty Housekeepers, who are perpetually applying to be excused paying Taxes. Surely such persons should not be permitted to annoy their neighbours, who by duly paying Parish rates, in fact, contribute to their maintenance.

_Dogs out of Doors_ are horribly noisy, especially on Moon-light Nights, when they will turn up their Noses, and

“Bay the Moon with hideous howl,”

for an hour together. They seldom give Tongue when inside of a House, except when shut in by themselves in an Empty house. There are certain Manufacturers who having more cunning than conscience, to evade paying the Taxes upon their Warehouse, instead of letting somebody sleep in it, which would subject them to the Taxes, turn in a Dog as a Watchman, who barks and howls incessantly all night long. Surely such shirking Gentry are not entitled to the privilege of annoying a score or two of quiet Neighbours, who honestly pay the Taxes imposed by their Country! They and their Cur-Watchman should be indicted and amerced _sans cérémonie_.

Fowls, Parrots, Dogs, or any other of those Beasts or Birds, which (because they make most Noise) are vulgarly called _Dumb Animals_, bleating, barking, bellowing, in the Front Area or back Garden of a House, &c. are an offence against the Public Peace--are an Indictable Nuisance; and on the complaint of a Neighbouring Housekeeper, are as cognizable by Constables, Street Keepers, Watchmen, &c. surely as justly as the Owners of such Animals would be, were they to hoot and bellow there,--for which they would, in the first instance, be taken to a Watchhouse, and in the second Indicted and fined or sent to the Tread Mill.

QY. What difference does it make whether the Peace is broken, and Sleep destroyed, by an “_Animal plumis, vel implumis et bipes_,” _i. e._ whether it wears ready-made Clothes, or employs a Tailor? Surely it will not be allowed in this Age of Refinement, that the former is entitled to more consideration than the latter.

They manage these things better in France. All Dogs, Fowls, &c. found in the Streets of _Paris_, are finished forthwith by the _Gens d’Armes_.

It cannot be too generally known, that by _The Metropolis Street Act_ of the _57_th Geo. III. cap. 24. in § 67. “The Commissioners of the Parochial Paving Boards are empowered to order the removal of _any matter or thing which they consider a Nuisance, on the complaint of any Inhabitant_.”

Such controlling power is but too needful--there is no lack of people who love their _dear_ “_Dumb Animals_,” as they call their Dogs and Parrots, &c. not a little better than they do their Neighbours,--aye, who love them as well as _Simon Suck-eggs_ does his Fowls! who would not willingly sacrifice the penny profit he makes by the oviparous faculty of his Poultry, however much, or however many people may be annoyed by it.

If Persons who are offended by any of the above nuisances, apply to the Clerk of the Commissioners of the Paving, and beg him to lay their complaint before the Board, they will issue a mandate ordering their immediate abatement as _a Public Nuisance_: and thus, the evil is removed, without any of that unpleasant feeling which might arise from one Neighbour complaining of another.

The Author is now framing “_a Sleep Act_,” which will shew the importance of Sleep to Health, the causes which so often and so cruelly disturb “_the Business of the Night_,” on the due performance of which, depends our power of performing “_the Business of the Day_,” and the remedies which the Legislature may easily apply for its preservation. One of their most beneficial acts would be to abolish a

_Vulgar and Barbarous Custom_ which prevails among common Workmen, when they first come to work in the Morning, to make as much Noise as they possibly can; thus, if you live near any Manufactory, &c., or if a house is building or repairing near you--from Six in the Morning till half-past, they will raise such a horrible din of Hammering, &c. that all within Ear shot of them are presently awoke; and indeed they seem to do it for that sole purpose, for the following hours they are often quiet enough.

Those who are so outrageously active so early in the day are technically termed _Powters_, _i. e._ such extraordinary industry being very often a mere manœuvre to deceive their Neighbours, which they artfully affect to gain Credit, and which, like setting up a shewy Shop Front, _is one of the usual tokens of approaching Bankruptcy_.

Let it be enacted, that all Manufacturers do perform the Noisy part of their processes during the middle of the Day:--this might be easily managed in most trades without any interruption of their business! What can be easier, than for the work which makes such a Noise during _the first half hour_ in the Morning to be done in _the last half hour_ in the Evening?

Let the DOG TAX be levied without exception, (but as far as regards only those which lead Blind Men,) and let due Rewards be given to those who inform against persons who evade it, of whom there are not a few, the only way of preventing which is to LET ALL DOGS WEAR A COLLAR, on which is engraved the Name and the place of Abode of the Owner;--He who by Fraud avoids a Tax, which by the Laws of his Country he is commanded to pay, is a Traitor, who commits a greater Crime, and deserves as great a Punishment, as he who, by Force, breaks into the Treasury, and takes so much Money out!!!

It is notorious, that the majority of these useless and offensive Animals are maintained by paupers who have hardly the means of maintaining Themselves!--these are the Dogs which, from spare and bad food, are most frequently mischievous--most apt to run Mad--and are most annoying and disturbing to the Public. “_As many Beggars, as many Dogs_,” is one of our true Old Sayings, and of an Old Song, to which in the next page we have had engraved as it was performed by “_Betsy, Billy, and Bow Wow_.”

When the Author first learned the Song between this and the next page, which is now nearly half a Century ago, he was a good deal surprised at the last line of it, and thought that it savoured more of Rhyme than of Reason, notwithstanding his Grandma’ told him that “Time the Teacher” would soon shew him, that Opulence and Independence, and Wit and Wisdom, are not always inseparable;--that he would frequently find Integrity dwelling with Poverty, “_in Tags and Rags_;”--as often meet with Nobleness of Mind among the Humble in Fortune, as with those who are by courtesy called Noble, and who are Poor enough in principle, who wear a VELVET GOWN.

The fact is, that the Poor are, very naturally, as fond of flattery as the Rich:--now nothing in nature Flatters more fascinatingly than the Eye of a Dog! If his master speak to him in any tone lower than that of Anger, his Eye is ever ready to ogle obsequious Approbation:--and if he scold him, the rudest expression it ever offers is seeming to say, with the most subtle submission, “As you are _Great_! be Merciful!”

[Music]

as performed by

BETSY, BILLY, and BOW WOW,

Engraved on Copper, by Sid^y. Hall, Bury Str^t. Bloomsb^y.

Hark, BOUGH, WOUGH,

Hark, how the Dogs bark! how the Dogs bark! WOUGH WOUGH WOUGH

How the Dogs bark!

Then the Beggars are coming, the Beggars are coming, the Beggars are coming to Town,

There’s some in Tags, some in Rags, some in Rags, some in Tags, And there’s some in a VELVET Gown aye! aye! aye, aye, aye, aye! some in VELVET! in VELVET? in VELVET aye, aye, some in VELVET, some in VELVET, some in a VELVET Gown.]

In future, instead of the trite Old Adage, “As Faithful,” it might more properly be said, “As Flattering as a Dog:”--like other Flatterers, “_they are Faithless as they are Flattering_.”

Every one knows that when Men go Mad, they always hate most those that they loved best when they were in their Senses: and it is a frightful Truth, that

“_A Mad Dog is always apt to bite his Master first._”

There have been many arguments _pro and con_, concerning the dreadful Disease their bite produces;--it is enough to know, that Multitudes of Men, Women, and Children, have died in consequence of being bitten by Dogs.--What does it matter whether they were the Victims of Bodily Disease or Mental Irritation? The Life of the most humble Human Being is of more value than all the Dogs in the World--dare the most brutal Cynic say otherwise?

Semi-drowning in the Sea, and all the pretended Specifics, are mere delusions, and there is no real remedy but cutting the part out immediately. If the bite be near a large Blood vessel, that cannot always be done, nor when done, nor however soon done, or however well done, will it always prevent the miserable Victim from dying the most dreadful of Deaths!!!

Well might ST. PAUL desire us to

“_Beware of Dogs._”

First Epistle to Phillipians, chap. iii. verse 2.

THE AXLE-TREES

Are formed of wrought Iron, and are the chief support of

_The Carriage[11]._

Four Wheeled Carriages are divided into two parts, the _Upper_ and _Under Carriage_.

_The Upper_ is the main one, on which the Body is hung.

_The Under Carriage_ is the conductor, and is turned by means of the Pole which acts on a centre-pin, called the _Perch Bolt_, which goes through the fore Axle-tree bed and fore transom, and secures the fore or under Carriage to the Upper one.

The Hind Wheels are placed on the _Upper_, the Fore Wheels on the _Under Carriage_.

The utmost care should be taken to have every part made of good _Town made Iron Work well wrought, and sound Wood well seasoned_, and of sufficient strength, rather going to the extreme in thickness, than risking the lives of the Passengers by the oversetting of the Carriage, which often happens when an Axle-tree or a Perch, &c. breaks.

_The Common Axle-tree_ is that which is in general use, it being much the cheapest, a pair of the best case hardened costing only £9. 9_s._

_Collinge’s Axles_ have many advantages, which more than compensate the higher first charge for them, which is £28. 7_s._, but they wear so much longer, and the silent and steady motion they preserve to the Wheels, and the convenience of retaining Oil enough to travel a Journey of 30 Miles a day for 9 Months, that is, above 7,500 Miles, (_i. e._ if the Carriage does travel every day) without replenishing with Oil: the Common Axle will hardly travel 100 Miles without requiring the Wheels to be taken off and greased.

In the ordinary Town Work--say, on an average, about 10 Miles a day, Oiling twice a Year is enough: MR. COLLINGE sends a person to do this, and charges 2_s._ for each Wheel; if a new Leather Washer is wanted, 1_s._ 6_d._ is charged for each: these are rarely required oftener than once in nine months.

Moreover, the Wheels are much better secured, and the draught of the Carriage is very much lessened.

Keep the _Winch_ which fastens on the axle-cap in your own possession, or some curious or clumsy person may unscrew it, and let out the Oil.

“COLLINGE’S AXLES are much more safe and secure, for they have Two Collars and Two Nuts, which screw different ways, and a linch-Pin, and a Cap which screws on over all.”--A. E.

A person who was formerly employed in Mr. Collinge’s Manufactory, told me, that with all the evident advantages of these Axle-trees, they were not such general favourites with some Coachmen as might be expected, which, for a long time, he could not any how account for--till the unaccountable cause was accidentally discovered in the two following instances.

A Coachman to a Gentleman who had Collinge’s Axles, was continually abusing them, and at length got himself discharged:--the workman met him some time after, and said, “Well, my Friend, I cannot imagine why you were such a determined enemy to our Axles, which save you a vast deal of Trouble, for they don’t need Oiling more than twice a Year; and I cannot conceive why you preferred your Common Axles, which required taking to pieces and greasing, &c. once or twice in a Week! Now, as you have left your place, and it cannot injure You, and may very greatly serve Me, pray be so good as to tell me, why you so furiously opposed our Axles?” “Why, sir,” replied Mr. Coachman, “the fact is, that what you have stated as so great an advantage in your Axles, was a great Dis-advantage to me: you know that my late Master, _Mr. Rusticate_, used every week to go to his Country House, which is 30 miles from Town: this gave me an opportunity of charging him 1_s._ 6_d._ for extra Grease, which did not cost me 2_d._; therefore, your Axles were a dead loss of £4. a year to me!!!”

He informed me that another unconquerable opponent was the servant of a Gentleman who had a new Carriage every five years, and who gave the Old one to his Coachman:--now, as Collinge’s Axles will wear out three or four Carriages, they were taken away from the Old Carriage and put to the New one,--which made it a less valuable perquisite to the Coachman in the direct ratio of the worth of a set of Common Axles.

“_When you Build a Carriage, have Collinge’s Axles_;”--but remember, it is not sufficient that you order the Builder to put in _Patent Axles_, for some of the imitations of Collinge’s Axles are called Patent Axles; and as they are got up cheap, some Coachmakers, unless you positively desire them to go to _Collinge’s Manufactory_, (near the Marsh-gate Turnpike, in the Westminster Bridge Road), will, to put a pound in their own pocket, recommend the _Sham Patents_.

_Mr. Jervis_ says, that he has actually seen them put down in the Bill under the Appellation of, and charged at the Price of, “_Collinge’s Patent Axles_.”

THE WHEELS.

The Work of a Carriage is proved by the wear of the Wheels;--if it runs upon an average 10 miles per day in Town, and 15 in the Country, Well-made Hoop-rimmed Wheels, the Tire of which should not be less than five-eighths of an inch in thickness, and for a Travelling Carriage three-fourths of an inch, will not be worn out in less than 12 Months, _i. e._ they will run at least 3,650 Miles in Town, and it is reckoned that they will last twice or thrice as long on a smooth Road, as they will on rough Pavement.

It is said that _the Macadamising_ of the Streets, if kept in _perfect_ Repair, would make the Wheels last a deal longer than they did on the Pavement:--this operation is performed at present in a very clumsy manner; instead of stopping up half the Street with a Wooden Hoard, and breaking the Stones on the Spot, _the materials should be brought there ready broken; One Twentieth part of the Time now taken would then be more than enough entirely to finish a Road._

_The Flag Foot Pavement_ should also be brought ready chipped and fitted;--by working the Stones in the Streets, the Eyes of the Passengers are in no small danger.

By the Metropolis Street Act of the _57_th Geo. III. cap. xxix. sec. lxiii. Every Occupier of any House, Warehouse, &c. during the continuance of Frost, or after or during the Fall of Snow, shall once in every day, before 10 of the clock in the forenoon, cause the Footway, all along the Front, Side, or Back walls of such House, &c. to be swept and cleansed;--for each neglect of doing so, to forfeit 10_s._

This order for keeping the Footway swept should be extended to all Times and Seasons;--there is sometimes an accumulation of greasy dirt on the pavement, which is as slippery as if it was soaped, and is as dangerous as Ice itself:--might not this cleansing be done by poor from the Workhouse?

In Walking the Streets of a Slippery Morning, you may guess where the good-natured people live, by Sand or Ashes being thrown on the Ice before their Doors.

How far the change of the permanent and easily kept clean Granite Pavement, for the Mud and Dust of the present Roads, may be considered an improvement by _the Eyes_, _the Legs_, _and the Lungs_ of our good Londoners, the Editor has not studied the subject sufficiently to venture a conjecture: the Quiet with which Carriages pass along is certainly extremely desirable to the Ears of the Inhabitants of the Houses which border the Streets so altered.

Our Granite Pavement has shared the fate of every thing in this World, where nothing remains long at rest: as soon as it had arrived at as high a degree of perfection as it appeared capable of, it was pulled up, and hammered into pieces:--so much for the Constancy and permanency of Human Ways!

Some persons use their Carriage so little, and go so gently, that a set of Strong Wheels will last them three or four Years: Others will be whirled along at such a furious rate, that they wear them out in ten or twelve Months.

When New Wheels are put on to Old Carriages, and _the Old Wheels_ are taken in exchange, the usual allowance for them is about two Guineas per Set: but they are the perquisite of the Coachman if he has been in your Service as long as the Wheels have.

From the beginning to the end, it will take not less than five Weeks to finish a set of Wheels properly;--they should be made a fortnight before they are painted, and they should not be put on for use till a fortnight after they have been painted; therefore, order a set of Wheels a couple of Months before they will be wanted.

The _Price of Four New Chariot Wheels_ with prime Ash felleys, and patent hoop tires, all of the very best workmanship, including every charge of Painting and Boxing, &c. is about £15.

A set of Wheels may be purchased for £12. 12_s._: in the early part of my Apprenticeship to Carriage-Keeping, I paid as high as £16. 16_s._

_Watch the Tires._--When the Irons are getting thin, have them taken off, before they become too weak to protect the Wood-work:--the best plan is, _when the Irons are half worn out_, and before the joints in the Wood-work get loose, as they wear most on the outer edge, to have them taken off and turned;--if the Wood-work is sound, they will run then half as long as they did at first; then, if the Wood-work continues sound, have new Irons put on;--_the Ringing_ is about one-third the price of New Wheels, say £6. 6_s._, and if the Spokes and Naves are good, they will then run nearly as long as New Wheels.

THE

ORNAMENTS OF CARRIAGES,

If for common use, cannot be too simple and plain: Expense is saved in the purchase, and Time in the cleaning;--it is not so much the Quantity of furniture about the Carriage and Harness that makes it appear to advantage, as the having what there is, kept nicely Clean and Bright.

I would not advise any Brass or Plated Beading on the Body of a Carriage, as in the rubbing it bright, you are very apt to rub off the Varnish and Paint contiguous to the moulding--which, for this reason, had better be painted black, or of the same colour as the Body.

_The Key-hole of the Lock_ on the Carriage Door is sometimes of Brass, or Plated, and covered with a Plate; but it is much neater to have it Black;--as we have already observed, of all Ornaments attached to the Body, as often as they are cleaned, some of the Varnish and Paint is carried away, and in the same proportion that those Metallic additions are kept bright, the Body becomes blemished. For this reason, we recommend _the Accommodation Handles_, if any are fixed, (the Body looks infinitely more elegant without), to be Black.

Those _Buckles_, &c. are best formed for wear that have fewest sharp edges;--Round moulded furniture is also the cheapest.

Nothing varies in quality more than _the Plated Furniture_ for Horses and Carriages--the inferior kind of Plating is cheaper than Brass, but at first looks as well as the best strong plating, which costs twice as much, although it will not wear half so long.

The making of _Lamps for Carriages_ is a distinct branch of business--and those who are desirous of choosing for themselves, should ask their Coachmaker to attend them to his Lamp Maker, where they may see the various patterns which are in vogue.

The same with regard to _the Door Handles_.

There are several Shops for both these Articles in Long Acre.

The present fashion for Lamps is preposterous--many are made so large and so heavy, that they are evidently too great a Load on the Front Pillar of the Carriage. Have _Square Lamps_, about six inches square:--these are sufficiently large to hold air enough to feed the Lamp or Candle, and the less they are, the lighter they are, and the less injury they do to the Carriage Pillars:--Two sides of this Lamp are to be of Glass, and the others furnished with Reflectors, which will increase the light on the Road, and exclude it from the interior of the Carriage.

_Circular Lamps_ are the most elegant; but if your Carriage is much used in Travelling, we must recommend _the Square sort_; because if a Square Glass is broken, it can be replaced easily, and costs not one-half so much as a Circular one, which it is also difficult to find, except at the place where the Lamp was bought; moreover, they seldom fit so nicely and so closely as the Square ones, and the Air rushing in, your Candles are quickly consumed, without any additional light being given.

Lamps are generally lighted by _Wax Candles_, which weigh each a quarter of a Pound, and cost about 1_s._ each: if the Lamp is well made and well glazed, and no air gets in except where the air-holes are, they will burn about five hours: such Candles will burn about 7½ Hours when still in a Room; but the motion of the Carriage, and the current of Air in the Lamp, so greatly accelerates their consumption, that they will sometimes flare away in three or four hours.

_Lamps with two Flat Wicks_ will burn for the same time as a quarter of a pound Wax Candle, at one-fourth part the expense.

However, _Candles_ are most commonly used, because they remain ready for immediate use for half a year together, without being injured in quality, but will burn as brightly as if only put in the day before:--_Oil_ soon loses its spirit by remaining in Lamps; and in a little time it will hardly burn at all, therefore can only be recommended to those who use their Lamps and trim them carefully every day.

_The Best Lamps_ are those which give plenty of light around the Carriage, but do not throw any into it,--unless the Passengers think there is an absolute necessity for letting those without see who are within.

Now the Streets are so well lighted, _Lamps are useful in London only in Foggy Weather_: the lighting them in London at any other time--is an act of Puerile Pomposity.

SPRINGS should be made of the best Steel--the longer they are, _ceteris paribus_, the easier they are.

Improvements in the mechanism of Modern Carriages, by which they are made to convey a person from place to place almost without giving him a sense of motion, may be one of the circumstances that have contributed to the increased prevalence of Nervous and Bilious Complaints, which originate in a great degree from an indulgence in Lassitude and Languor. The notion of taking _Exercise_ upon Springs of such construction, is scarcely less absurd, than that of taking an _Airing_ with all the windows closed!

Valetudinarians who wish to derive all the good effects from the Exercise of riding in a Carriage, must not be super-curious about having it suspended on extremely elastic Springs. The Jolting of strong Springs is a salutary concussion, which is extremely convenient to Nervous, Indolent, and Infirm persons who do not take other Exercise, and must be classed among the most agreeable of Anti-bilious remedies.

The Coachmaker’s usual phrase of commendation--that such a Carriage “is as easy as a Boat,” should be a prohibition to Invalids against purchasing it; who should prefer a Carriage with Strong Springs, that will give them as good a shaking as Equestrian Agitation.

TO DETERMINE THE RELATIVE ADVANTAGES OF LONG AND SHORT CARRIAGES,

“A weight of _twenty-eight pounds_ was placed in the middle of a _Perch one foot six inches long_, and it was drawn at the rate of five miles and a half an hour by twelve pounds.

“When the same load was placed upon a perch three feet long, that is to say, _twice as long as the former perch_, it required _precisely the same weight of twelve pounds to draw it_.

“This experiment was repeated a number of times with the same result, so that it may be relied upon. This is contrary to the opinion of drivers of all descriptions, from the waggoner in his smock-frock, to the high-bred Coachman: consequently, there must be some reason for this universal prejudice. The reason that seems to have given rise to this opinion, is, that carriages whose fore and hind wheels are near each other, extricate themselves more readily from ruts, change quarter more easily, turn in a shorter compass, and thus make their way in crowded Streets with more facility than longer Carriages.”--_R. L. Edgeworth on Roads and Carriages_, 8vo. p. 120. 1817.

However, _Short Carriages_ are considered as of easiest draught; and, to use the language of the Stable, almost every Coachman and Coachmaker insists upon it, that they _follow better_, and that a Long Carriage will tire a pair of Horses more in _Three_, than a Short one will in Five hours’ Travelling.

That if the Body is hung higher behind than it is before, so that it leans forward, it will push on the fore Wheels, is a foolish Vulgar Error. You often see Hackney Chariots so hung:--such a position is uneasy to the Passengers, and of no advantage to the Horses.

In a Chariot, it adds to the elegance of its appearance, and the ease of the passengers, if the Body is hung rather lower behind than it is before; but not in a Coach, because what is gained on the front is lost on the back Seat.

CAUTIONS

AGAINST PURCHASING OF

CHEAP SECOND-HAND CARRIAGES.

“_Caveat Emptor._”

“_Beware of Putty and Paint_,”

Mr. JERVIS told me must be the Motto for this Chapter, and that

“_He who Buys,
Had need have an Hundred Eyes._”
_Old Proverb._

Those who purchase Second-Hand Carriages ought to be extremely circumspect indeed. Inexperienced People are apt to imagine, that if the Price charged for a Carriage is only one-half of what a respectable Coachmaker has told them that he must charge them for a New One, that it must be a Cheap Bargain; when it is most likely not actually worth one quarter of that sum.

“_Experto Crede._”