Chapter III: Part 3

Let no person venture to purchase without the advice of a Coachmaker. It is easy enough to make an old worn-out Carriage appear fresh and fair by the help of Paint and Putty, while at the same time, it may be more fit to be broken up than to be made use of.

To promote the Sale of a Carriage, it is not seldom pretended, that it belongs to _Sir Richard Whimmy_, or to some other Gentleman of fashion, (who only parts with it merely because he happens to have it,) or that the Proprietor is gone abroad; to which is generally added, it has been only lately built, and has hardly worn the Nails of its First Wheels!!! &c.

First observe the Fashion of the Body, keeping in mind the time when such a shape was in vogue; examine the materials, especially the timbers of the Carriage; for however cunningly a clever Coach-Cobbler may have puttied and painted them, yet, in some parts, the infirmities and chinks which time has made, will be visible enough to Eyes accustomed to examine them.

If Old, the _Futchells_[12] in the chaps at the Pole Bolt hole, and at the top where the Gib is placed, are rough and patched with Leather; the Pole[13] if the original one, on the sides and top which go into the Futchells, is likewise worn, and patched with a tin covering. Look to _the Transom Plates_, if they are flat, thick, and clean, and that if by pushing against the Coach Box, or Springs, the Upper Carriage does not rock on them;--see that the _Fore Axle-tree Bed_, and transom at the middle where the Perch Bolt is placed, are sound, and that about the Perch Bolt hole there is not much patching with Leather--that the ends of the Transom where the Springs and Coach Box is placed look clean and sound;--_the Splinter Bar_, if much worn, has the moulding towards the end nearly effaced;--_the Sway Bar_[14] and that part of the bottom plate of the perch against which it wears, after much use is gulled, and the defect is made up with Leather patched on it;--the ends of the hind Axle-tree Bed where the Spring stays rest, if much indented, is old:--the hind Foot board-ledge being worn hollow, is another proof of the Carriage having been much used.

As to _the Body_ part, examine principally the Bottom sides, at the end where the loops are placed; and in the corners of the rabbits under the Door bottoms where the standing Pillars are framed, if very old they will be rotten and appear rough; the mortices of the Door Locks, if gulled, and the Bolts of the Lock if loose in the Spindles, are proofs of their being old; and so it is if the Leather which covers the Roof of the Quarters and Boot, appear to have been mended at the welts, or if it has drawn from the sewings or nailing.

_The Braces_[15] should be supple and clean, free from patches and cracks at the bearings;--the _Steps_, if ricketty at the Joints, and when down, if the tread drops under, and the leather with which they are trimmed is dingy and torn at the joint knuckles; this shews them to have been much used: the leather also which covers the bottom sides at the entrance of the Doors, if Old, is rough, and has the grain worn or torn on the outside.

The Mahogany or Venetian Blind Frames, when old, have their colour discharged by the weather, and look of a dingy brown;--the Glass frames, particularly the front ones, are, when old, loose at the corners, the sides of the grooves loosened, and held together only by the Cloth which covers them.

Nothing is a better proof than the mouldings of the framings, and the Scroll ends or finishings of the timber; for if much filled with Paint, or defaced, it is a certain Proof of the Carriage having been often painted, and of course old; the paint will, with a slight knock, if not newly done, fly off in scales, particularly from the Iron work.

Examine well those places in the Body round the edges, if the framing where the wet has been likely to lodge has not been rotten, and the surface is not made up with Putty, or has been cased on the outside with new pieces of Wood moulding.

Examine _the Cloth of the Lining_, observe the sides and back against which the Shoulders rub, that the cloth is not threadbare, and that it is free from Moth-holes in every part.

The Hand Holders and pasting Lace, particularly the small Lace which is round the Lights or Windows.

If the Carriage has a Coach Box, examine the condition of the Seat under the Hammercloth at the ends and corners on the inside; if it has been much used, it will be ragged and worn through in many places.

In examining the _Wheels_, look not only to the outside edge of the Iron which covers them, but also to the Spokes at the Nave, that they are not started, and that the Wheels are firm on the Axle-trees.--These are the General Rules to be observed when examining a Second-Hand Carriage.

_Never buy without advice from some skilful and disinterested person._

HARNESS.

From decayed Harness, almost as much danger is to be dreaded as from a faulty Carriage. However skilful the Coachman, if your Harness fails, how can he manage his Horses?

That Harness may not be used so long as to become expensive and troublesome in the repair, we will endeavour to give some guide as to _how long it may be expected to last_: this, however, depends much on the Quality of the Leather and the Goodness of the Workmanship, the Weather it is exposed to, and the care that is taken of it.

Harness perishes with hanging by; and however moderately it may be used, after five or six years is seldom fit for further service, unless very extraordinary care has been taken to preserve it. It may be said to wear in proportion to the Work done with it: this is ascertained by the number of Wheels worn out, and we calculate that it will last in London, at least, as long as Four Sets of Wheels.

Harness for common work should not be encumbered with superfluous Ornaments, &c.: the plainer it is the better. The less the Horse is burdened with trappings, the more easily he can do his Work;--the less Time is required to keep it clean;--and the less Money it costs.

Those who are nice about the look of their Harness, must keep a set of Old Harness for Wet Weather and Night Work; which is a plan to be recommended to all Persons who make much use of their Carriage.

A Handsome set of Chariot Harness, of the very best Workmanship, with patent Leather Waterdecks, according to Estimate (No. 9), costs from about £30. to £36.

SECOND-HAND HARNESS.

Observe the condition of the Leather; if it is soft and pliable, it is good:--if dry and stiff, it is bad. This is also the case if the Grain is cracked, or if the Sewings are gummed up with grease, and the veined marks on the edges are effaced. See that all the Leathers at the buckling and looped parts are whole and perfect;--the trace ends, the collars, the cruppers, the belly bands, and billets, shew best at the buckling parts how much the Harness has been used.

The Furniture (except the Ornaments) usually remains longer perfect than the Leather does, but look to the corners of the Buckles and Rings of the Territs through which the Reins pass, and to the Ornaments; likewise the inside Winker-pieces and the head chains; these are the likeliest parts to look to for a proof of the Furniture, but the Leather is the best guide, for if the pipes and ley of the Collars, traces at the points, and the breeching at the straps, are perfect, the Harness is likely to be a good one, though _a Second-Hand Harness seldom proves_ (after the expense of alterations and changing the Ornaments, which necessarily must be done before it can be used) _to be so Cheap, in the long run, as a New one_.

TRAVELLING CARRIAGES

Should not be hung higher than Three feet from the ground, should have strong well-seasoned Springs, which should be corded, and every part of it should be much stronger than a Town Carriage. Bolts inside should be attached to the Doors, to prevent their being opened on the outside.

The Dickey Box should have _Pistol Holsters_ on each side, covered with black fur tops.

A front Budget attached to the Body, or fixed on the beds of Carriage.

_A hind Rumble_ for two servants, with knee boot attached to the Body.

_Cap Case_ to front of Body.

_Trunks for Travelling_ must be very strong, and strengthened at the corners with Iron Plates, and should have Inside Straps and Laths; these are conveniences to confine what the trunk contains from shifting about; they are made with four or five laths covered with cloth or paper, which are nailed, at a small distance from each other, to three pieces of girth web, and lie at the top of the parcels within the trunk; on the bottom of the trunks straps are nailed, which buckle round the laths and keep all tight.

TRUNK COVERS

are made to fit the outside of the trunks, to cover and preserve them from the weather; they are usually made of thick painted cloth, with holes at the sides, for the handles of the trunk to be got at.

IMPERIALS,

are large flat cases made to the form of the whole or part of the Roof or Body; they are conveniences to carry light articles safe, mostly designed for wearing Apparel; they are made of thin boards, covered with Leather, and lined with tow and baize: to prevent its rubbing the roof, if intended to cover the whole of the roof, they are most convenient to remove, if divided into, two parts; and as the half is often sufficient for use, it saves unnecessary luggage. They are fixed on the Roof by means of straps and staples.

DRAG CHAIN, SHOE, AND STAFF,

are necessary to every Travelling Carriage: the Chain is to lock the Wheels, and to prevent the going too fast downhill; the Staff is to stop the Carriage, and give rest to the Horses, when ascending a hill; the chain is fixed to a hook about the middle of the perch or crane, with a hook or shoe at the end for the Wheels. The Hook is most handy for use, but the shoe is preferable, as it preserves the Iron of the Wheel from Injury when dragging on hard stony ground. The Chain being covered with Leather prevents it from rattling.

OIL-SKIN COVERS TO THE BODY

preserve the Paint from the injury of the Road dirt, or Boughs, while Travelling: these covers are frequently used, and are so made that the Doors may be opened and shut with them on. Every part of the Body except the Windows and bottom is covered; it is looped on to the Body by small buttons, and is put on and off with the utmost facility: they are made of common oiled linen, lined with soft baize.

SPRING CORDING.

Springs are corded to prevent danger and delay, if by accident a plate should break, and also to strengthen them, especially when Carriages are loaded with heavy Imperials and much Luggage: it is done by placing a thin piece of ash or a length of cord along the back, and afterwards twisting a small but strong cord round, and fastening it well at the top.

SAFETY BRACES

are fixed by strong Braces attached to the C springs, passing directly under the bottom of the Body, (and prevent any stopping on the road by the springs breaking or body-loops giving way), the expense of which, with the fixing and check-loops, is 5 Guineas; the length varying from nine to twelve feet, according to the length of the Carriage.

England is celebrated for the construction of Carriages of peculiar Elegance and convenience; but the completest machine we have seen was

BUONAPARTE’S

TRAVELLING CHARIOT,

of which the following description may furnish hints to those who wish to have a convenient Carriage.

The very curious and convenient Chariot of the late Emperor of France, which I examined when it was exhibited at the London Museum, Piccadilly, in 1816, was built by Symons of Brussels, for the Russian Campaign, and was adapted to the various purposes of a _Pantry_ and of a _Kitchen_; for it had places for holding and preparing refreshments, which, by the aid of a Lamp, could be heated in the Carriage; it served also for _a Bed Room_, _a Dressing Room_, _an Office_, &c.;--there was a separation rising about six inches, dividing the Seat. The exterior of this ingenious vehicle was of the form and dimensions of our large Modern English Travelling Chariot--only that it had a projection in front of about two feet, the right-hand half of which was open to the inside to receive the feet, and thus formed a Bed--the left-hand contained a store of various useful things.

Beyond the projection in front, and nearer to the Horses, was the seat for the Coachman, ingeniously contrived so as to prevent the Driver from viewing the interior of the Carriage, and yet so placed as to afford those within a clear sight of the Horses and of the surrounding Country:--beneath this seat was a receptacle for a Box, about 2½ feet in length and 4 inches square, which contained a Bedstead of polished Steel, which could be fitted up in a couple of minutes.

Over the Front Windows was a _Roller Blind_ of strong painted Canvass, which, when pulled out, _excluded Rain, while it admitted Air_: we wonder this is not an universal appendage to every Chariot in this Country.

On the Ceiling of the Carriage was a Net work for carrying small travelling requisites: in a recess there was a Sécrétaire 10 inches square by 18 inches in length, which contained nearly an hundred articles presented to Napoleon by Maria Louisa, under whose care it was fitted up with every luxury and convenience that could be imagined, and contained, besides the usual requisites for a Dressing-Box, most of which were of solid Gold,--a magnificent Breakfast service, with Plates--Candlesticks--Knives--Forks--Spoons--a spirit Lamp, for making Breakfast in the Carriage--Gold Case for Napoleons--Gold Wash-hand Basin--variety of Essence Bottles, Perfumes--and an almost infinite variety of minute articles, down to Pins, Needles, Thread, and Silk. Each of these were fitted into recesses, most ingeniously contrived, and made in the solid Wood, in which they packed close together, and many within each other, in so small a compass, that, on seeing them arranged, it appeared impossible for them ever to be put in so small a compass:--at the bottom of this Toilette Box, in divided recesses, were found Two Thousand Gold Napoleons;--on the Top, Writing Materials, Looking Glass, Combs, &c.--a Liqueur Case which had Two Bottles, one with Malaga Wine, the other Rum,--a silver Sandwich Box, containing a Plate, Knives, Spoons, Pepper and Salt Boxes, Mustard Pot, Decanter, Glasses, &c.--a Wardrobe, Writing-Desk, Maps, Telescopes, Arms, &c.--a large silver Chronometer, by which the Watches of the Army were regulated, two Merino Mattresses, a Green Velvet Travelling Cap--also a diamond Headdress (tiara), Hat, Sword, Uniform, and an Imperial Mantle, &c. &c. &c.

DUTIES

PAYABLE ON MALE SERVANTS.

Per Servant. Total per Year.
No. 1. £1 4 0 £1 4 0
2. 1 11 0 3 2 0
3. 1 18 0 5 14 0
4. 2 3 6 8 14 0

DUTIES ON HORSES.

Per Horse. Total per Year.
No. 1. £1 8 0 £1 8 0
2. 2 7 3 4 14 6
3. 2 12 3 7 16 9
4. 2 15 0 11 0 0

DUTY ON CARRIAGES.

With Two Wheels £3 5 0
With Four Ditto 6 0 0

The Duties on Servants, Carriages, and Horses, are collected by the same Officers that collect the House and Window Taxes; and are reckoned from one fifth of April to another; and if you keep a Horse or Carriage for a Single week, you must pay the Tax thereon for a whole Year.

THE ART

OF

MANAGING COACHMEN.

The Christian precept of

“_Do as you would be done by_,”

is in few instances more difficult to observe, than it is towards a Coachman, who is, in fact, paid to endure those Inconveniences from which the Carriage protects his Employer. However, the Good Master will “_do as he would be done by_,” and make his Servant as Comfortable as the peculiar nature of his place permits.

_Merciful Masters_, who use their Carriage in Wet Weather[16], provide their Coachman _Two Box Coats_:--a Second-hand Coat may be bought for about £2. 10_s._--a slight increase to their Expense, a great addition to his Comfort: for when _a Box Coat gets thoroughly Wet, it will take forty-eight hours before it becomes thoroughly Dry_; for it must not be dried otherwise than gradually and in the Air. _Mr. Jarvis_ says, that “the best way of drying a Box Coat on these occasions, is to put it round a Truss of Straw.”

The Hardy habits of Coachmen enable them to brave the inclemencies of the Sky, and to set the Cold and Rain at defiance, when encompassed in their seven-fold Cape, and a comfortable _Dry Coat_;--but, my fair-weather friend, can you imagine a more awfully dangerous envelope than _a Wet Blanket_?

Whatever Olympic Wits or Whips might think, there are few modern Jockies who will agree with Pindarus, that Water is the best thing, at least for the lining of the _Inner_ or the _Outer Coat_ of the Stomach.

_Damp Clothes_ are the cause of Coachmen being so often and so severely afflicted with Rheumatism; therefore we insert the following, which has frequently proved an efficacious remedy in old and inveterate attacks of this complaint.

_Anti-Rheumatic Embrocation._

Sal Volatile, an ounce and a half;

Laudanum, half an ounce;

Mix--rub the part afflicted Night and Morning, and in the
Middle of the Day.

The Reader may have observed, that the Coach Box of the Carriages of many Medical Men is furnished with a _Knee Boot_, _i. e._ an Apron like that of a Gig:--this is a comfortable, and, indeed, a needful defence to the Legs and Feet. The Author advises the general adoption thereof to those who use their Carriage much in Cold Wet Weather, and especially recommends it to those Genteel[17] people, who courageously keep their Servants and Horses in waiting half the Night, in bitter cold weather, while they are indulging themselves in the opposite extreme of temperature in Crowded Assemblies.

No _Entertainments_ (as those _Midnight Inflictions_ are by courtesy termed), afford so little satisfaction as

EVENING PARTIES.

All who know you, that _are not_ invited, will take umbrage, and half of those who _are_, receive the intended Compliment only as their due, and not seldom return it by ridiculing their Host, who, if he is prudent, they will censure for his Parsimony; if he be generous, will rate as a Prodigal.

These (foolish, if they are poor, but if Rich, wicked,) “_Fly-by-Nights_,”

“Who Sleep till Noon, and hardly live till Night,”

who are unhappy except when in a Crowd, and fancy that they are entitled to pass for folks of exquisite Fashion, in proportion to the degree of fondness that they pretend to exhibit for being Stewed in foul Air[18].

As _Sir Exquisite Irritable_ says, “Nothing can be less Nice than the Re-respiration of _Respired Air_, every whif of which has just popped out of the Mouth of another! To Drink out of the same Cup, is comparatively an act of delectable Refinement!!!”

What is to be said FOR the Absurdity of not going out to an _Evening_ Party, until You ought to be going into Your Bed? Every Body has enough to say AGAINST it! But, nevertheless, the very persons who exclaim loudest against this foolish Fashion, are frequently found among the foremost of those who follow it.--How comes this? why, this is quite inconceivable!--No, indeed,--No!--pray pardon me--with the utmost submission, it is among the strange things which are very easily accounted for--_it is Fashionable! it is extremely Genteel!!_

However, these _Midnight Meetings_, under the inviting appellation of GENTEEL _Evening Parties_, are, in fact, a _Barbarous Invention of the Idle and Imbecile_, to undermine the Constitution, and annihilate the Independence of the Industrious and the Healthful.

“Though bold these Truths, my Book with Truths like these
Will none offend, whom ’tis a praise to please.”

_Dr. Young._

The noisy announcement of the arrival of the Visitors at these Nocturnal Assemblies, by the absurd custom of a Thundering Rapping at the Door, which is already open, is one of the most ridiculous customs of modern times, and should be entirely abolished.--If a parcel of silly people are permitted to meet together at Midnight, they ought not to be permitted to murder the Sleep of their surrounding neighbours, from Ten at Night till Three in the Morning! It is as disorderly an offence against the public peace as can be mentioned; and if it happened at the house of a poor person, it would be immediately indicted as Disorderly.

Good Nature may find some Excuse for the Poor and Dependent, who (perhaps very unwillingly) are obliged to follow a Foolish Fashion; but what apology can Good Sense invent for the Opulent and the Independent, who are the Makers of Manners, and who set a Foolish Example[19].

_Tom Thrifty’s_ maxim for Evening Parties, was

“COME _before Seven_,
GO _before Eleven_.”

Have you in your Visiting Book the name of one Good Mother, whom you have not heard heartily lament the Late Hours of the Fashionable World as the principal cause of the predominance of the Lily in the complexion of her Children?

“Late sitting up has turn’d their Roses white:
Why went they not to Bed?--because ’twas Night.”

Is it not astonishing, then, that Somebody will not be Wise enough, and Kind enough, to invite us to return to Reasonable Hours?--But, as the saying is,

“_What is Every Body’s Business, is Nobody’s Business_,”

and

“_Plain Dealing is Dead, and Died without Issue_.”

“Doubly distrest, what author shall we find,
Discreetly daring, and severely kind,
The courtly Roman’s shining path to tread,
And sharply smile prevailing Folly dead.”

_Dr. Young._

The Writer does not presume further, than humbly to advise those who wish to enjoy any of their faculties in perfection, not willingly to refrain from wearing their NIGHT CAP, _Later than Eleven o’Clock at Night_.

“ONE _Hour’s Sleep before Twelve o’Clock is worth_ TWO _after_.”

Do you recollect, Gentle Reader, to have ever learned any thing worth remembering

AFTER ELEVEN O’CLOCK AT NIGHT?

I don’t:--nor, indeed, _for a full Hour before that time_,--those persons whose bodies or minds have been industriously employed during the day, are arrived at that degree of exhaustion, that their faculties are become obtuse;--if you ask them any thing, “they don’t know;”--and if you tell them any thing, “they don’t care.”

_Midnight Conversation_ cannot be any thing more than a mere “_caput mortuum_,” and the vapid draining of Brains collapsed by the continued cogitations of the 14 or 15 preceding Hours!--or the unwholesome effervescence of the “hot and rebellious liquors” which have been taken to revive the flagging spirits.

_The Machinery of Man_, like the wheels of a Watch, after a certain time wants winding up, or it will go down--when this time comes, till your Gentleman is wound up by Food and Rest, he cannot talk, any better than that can tick, till that is wound up again.

To the person who is intrusted with so important a concern as the management of your Carriage and Horses you will do wisely to give proper encouragement: on his Honesty and Judgment greatly depend the safety of the Rider and the Expense of the Equipage--therefore, it is as much your Interest to be kind, as it is his Duty to be Careful.

It will be well, therefore, to put your Coachman beyond any petty temptations from Hackneymen, Horsedealers, Farriers, Coachmakers, _et id genus omne_, and pay him cheerfully all such reasonable Perquisites as will make it His Interest to take care of Yours.

People are often biassed by their Coachman in what is to be done in the Repair or alteration of their Carriage and Horses, and from interested motives, or capricious whims, the Knights of the Whip, it is said, sometimes have gone to extravagant lengths, and the Carriage has become rather the Property of the Coachman and Coachmaker, than of the Proprietor.

A careful Coachman is a valuable Servant. “A Coachman,” says the _Sieur Soleysell_, “should be skilful, Nimble, Hardy, and Honest, should love Horses, and have a desire to perform all his work well:--when a Master findeth a Lad with these qualities, he should not easily part with him; for this Merchandise, although Clownish, is hard enough to be found.”--See his _Complete Horseman_, folio, p. 145, 1717.

To the above Qualifications, must be added, that of Reading and Writing; and if you reside in London, that of “knowing Town well,” _i. e._ be well acquainted with the situation, the distance, and the best Roads, (as they may now be called) to the various parts of that amazing Labyrinth of Lanes called London.

_Before you permit him to mount the Box_--ask him how far it is to half a dozen different places in opposite directions, and which Way he would go, and how Long he would be in driving you thither.

The best Age for a Coachman is between 30 and 40--before the former, they are perfunctory, and soon after the latter, they lack Activity.

The following maxim, which I gave for hiring a Cook, applies as aptly to engaging Coachmen.

Before the age of THIRTY, however comfortable you may endeavour to make them, their want of experience, and the Hope of something still _better_, prevents their being content with their present state.

After they have had the benefit of Experience, if they are tolerably comfortable, they will endeavour to deserve the approbation of even a moderately kind Master, for _Fear_ they may change for the _worse_.

“The Good that they wish for, mayn’t match what they’ve got;
And therefore they’d best be content with their lot.”

Life is divided into the Seasons of HOPE, and FEAR. In YOUTH _we hope that every thing may be right_;--In AGE, _we fear that every thing will be wrong_.

Whether you have your own Horses, or Hire of a Hackneyman:--_Mr. Jarvis_ begs you to be very careful in choosing a Coachman, or you may get for a Charioteer, an ignorant, careless creature, who hardly knows

“_Come may thur wut_”

from

“_Come may thur woo-ee._”

_The best Person to apply to, to recommend a Coachman_, is the Hackneyman of whom you Hire your Horses; it is his own Interest to recommend a Servant who is capable and careful: or by looking in the Daily papers, you will find many who are in want of places:--The shortest way, is to advertise for one--this will bring plenty of applicants presently--direct them to call on your Hackneyman, or to some person on whom you can depend, and let him select and send to you only such as he thinks likely to suit: this will save you much time and trouble: moreover, it is desirable that a Coachman should be in some degree dependant upon the person of whom you hire Horses, that he may be accountable to him for the proper treatment of them, and you will thus be better served.

Accept of no _Written Character_ when any other can be obtained; and it is the most satisfactory plan for all Parties, to _Give, and Receive the Character of a Servant in the presence of such Servant._

The common custom, is for the Coachman to come for

ORDERS

at a certain hour. Very well,--tell him “to stay at Home, and be ready to attend to your Business,” adding, however, (if you expect him to do so) that “whenever you wish for a Half, or a whole Holiday for your own Business,”--for every one has Business and Desires, such as they are,--“ask me for it, and I will not Dissappoint you, even though your Absence may be Inconvenient--Mark!--Mind my Business, and I promise you, that I will never prevent your having every reasonable opportunity of minding Your own:”--make an agreement with him, that he shall have certain Hours in certain Days for such business as the Horses, Carriage, &c. require.

“_Leave is Light;_”

and warn him that if you find him out without leave, at any other time--you will immediately give him leave of Absence from your service for ever after, and that it will become your Duty, to state the reason why you do so, to any person who may apply for his Character.

Desire him, _Five minutes before he brings the Carriage round_, to open the Windows and ventilate it: even in Winter, _Cold_ Air is not so offensive as _Confined_ Air--desire him to bring the Carriage with the Glasses and Blinds, &c. in the position in which you generally use them; and when you tell him at what Time to come, _tell him which Way to bring his Horses’ heads to the Door_, _i.e._ East or West, so that he may start at once, without the disagreeable trouble of turning about--give him similar directions when you stop any where, and apprise him, that when you get in again, if you don’t immediately direct him otherwise, he is always to take you towards Home.

_Finally_, let his General Business be given to him in Writing; _i. e._ at what Hours you most usually want the Carriage--how Long at a time you are generally out--what Pace you wish to go--and what Roads to particular places, &c.

Give _him a Map of London_, on which, mark with Red Ink the way you wish to be taken to those places to which you are most frequently going--and tell him, if you order him to take you to any place, the way to which he is not well acquainted with, always to say so plainly, and you will direct him.

Some Good Masters never (unless in a case of necessity) take their Carriage out on a _Sunday_.

In well-governed Families, every Servant has the liberty every _Sunday_ of going once to Church; which if they neglect, and fail in their duty to their Maker, they may well be suspected of failing in their duty to their master:--_A Person who goes regularly to Church_, will be WELL spoken of, though he may have no other merit to recommend him: He who neglects that Duty is ILL spoken of, if he has no other Fault, and has every other Virtue.

Whenever you find it necessary to give any Directions, or to reprove him for Neglect, &c., never send any Message to him by another Servant,--mention it yourself; You may do this with much more effect than you can by any deputy, who, through Mistake or Ill-nature, may likely enough either say more or less than you told him.

Never reprove Servants unless you are quite in a Good Temper; the best way to ensure which, is,--_Never to Lecture them, till at least ONE DAY AFTER they have offended you._

Never forget to Commend them when they are Right; nothing can cherish the desire of pleasing in Them so effectually, as to shew them that you are pleased:--it is a much pleasanter, and a more effectual mode of proceeding, to _Praise_ them into good conduct, than to _Scold_ them out of bad.

There is a Perversity in poor human nature which sets itself against Correction, and is restive to reproof, but is pliant and yielding to the least expression of Kindness. _Pride_ is like the Rust that seizes and stiffens the Spring of an Engine, and checks its motion, so that no force can set it to work; but _Kindness_ is like Oil, which smooths the machinery in such a manner that the parts move almost of themselves. This Gentle method of dealing with our fellow-creatures is GOD’S own method of dealing with mankind, who “delighteth not in the Death of a Sinner, but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and Live;” and chooses rather to lead us to Repentance by his Goodness, than to drive us to it by his Wrath.

PUNCTUALITY

In a Coachman is indispensable,--if he has 15 or 20 Minutes’ notice that he will be wanted, there is no excuse for his not being ready by that time; for a regular Coachman gets his Harness and Carriage clean and ready to put to, early in the day.

In establishments where it is not known at what hour a Carriage will be wanted, but when it is, is wanted at a minute’s notice, the Horses are kept ready Harnessed.

Desire him always to be at your Door, _Five Minutes before_ the time he is ordered, especially _when ordered at an unusual hour_;--when you are going out “on actual Service,” his being ready at the desired moment, is infinitely more important than when you are going out at the usual hour merely for Amusement. One Minute of Your Time, is often worth an Hour of His.

Tell your Coachman, that “THE ORACLE _has declared_ that--He who sometimes comes _Before_ the time he is ordered, manifests respect for his Employers and a laudable Anxiety to obey Orders.

“He who never comes till _the Last Moment_, presents presumptive evidence that he is disposed to do no more work than he is obliged to do.

“He who comes _After_ the Time, would not come then, unless Fear flogged him:

“Encourage the First,

“Endure the Second,

“Do as you like with the Last.”

One Friend informed me that he cured an excellent Coachman of his neglect of being punctual (which was the only fault he had)--by hiring a Hackney Coach, whenever his own Carriage was not at the Door to a minute, and deducting the charge thereof from his Wages. Another makes it part of the Agreement, in hiring a Coachman, that he shall forfeit a Shilling for every Minute he comes after the time he is ordered.

Remember _Tom Thrifty’s_ account of that excellent Disciplinarian, old Admiral EVERREADY.

“The first time I received Orders to attend his Honour on a Cruise,--‘_Tom Thrifty_,’ (said the gallant Veteran,) ‘be sure, have Every Thing ready for Action to-Morrow Morning before Eight o’Clock. _Getting out well is half the Battle._’ ‘I will take care, your Honour, not to be later than Eight.’

“‘Not _later_, Sir!--Pipe all hands a _Quarter Before_, if you please, Sir!!--a Quarter _Before_, Sir!!!--to that Quarter of an Hour I owe all my success in Life!!!--Do you think that Old EVERREADY would have won every Battle he has fought, if he had not always had a Broadside ready to pour into the Enemy, _Before_ it was expected that any Engagement could possibly take place!--_Oh! that precious Quarter of an Hour!_--it has been, as a body may say, the Guardian Spirit which has gained me all my Laurels. Now, my Boy, let me heave a bit of advice to You; if you wish to keep clear of the shoals of _Disappointment_, take _Preparation_ for your Purser, and _Punctuality_ for your Pilot--they will put you into the track of _Preferment_; and if you mind that your vessel is well ballasted with _Integrity_, you may carry almost what Sail you will with safety, and soon hope to cast anchor for Life in the Bay of Independence.’”

_When you order your Coachman to call for you_, tell him to send you notice of his arrival as soon as he comes, and that within Two minutes after you hear of it, you will either come or send to him--if you do not, to conclude that you have not been told, and desire him peremptorily to order that you may be informed of it, for some people are Rude enough to desire their Servants not to tell their Guests that their Carriage is come, until just such time as they wish them gone.

The surest plan of protecting yourself from the tricks of such folks, and of knowing when your Carriage is come, is to give your Coachman a LETTER directed to you, on which is written “_An Immediate Answer is desired_.” Direct him to deliver this wherever you are, with a special request that it may be _given to you directly, as it requires an Immediate Answer_: this may also serve the purpose of furnishing you with an excellent excuse to get away as early as you please.

Do not order your Carriage till you actually want it; and enter it the moment it comes to the Door, especially in Cold and Wet Weather.

Have a _Good going Clock_ placed where it may be easily seen by all the Members of your Household; by which let them set their Watches. Desire your Coachman, when he comes for Orders, to set his by this Clock; and then, if he is a steady fellow, by referring to your own, you will see when he comes for you. Let his Watch be so regulated, that it may rather gain than lose. If it be not a very good one, if it is set every morning by a good clock, it will answer almost all the purposes of a _Good_ one. Keep it _five minutes too Fast_, and tell him to keep all appointments by its Dial, as if it shewed the True time.

Before you start from home, give your Coachman distinct directions when to come for you; and do this yourself: if you do it by deputy, or when you get out of your Carriage, and probably in a hurry, a mistake is easily enough made. When he is to call for you at any place with which you are not quite certain that he is acquainted, let the plainest possible Direction thereto be given him in Writing.

An experienced Driver can always calculate how long he will be in going; and when you tell him to come for you, you may be certain that he need never be more than five minutes after the time you order him: thus, you will be independent of any information from the Servants at the House where you visit.

“_Punctual Masters make Punctual Servants._”

_If you go out to Dinner in London_, a distance exceeding Three Miles, it is more advisable to put up your Horses, than to send them Home, as the wear of the Carriage in doing the double work of going home and coming again for you, will cost as much as you will be charged for Hay at a Livery Stable, which will not be more than Two Shillings (including 6_d._ to the Hostler). Moreover, it is convenient to have the power of returning home sooner or later, as you like, without danger of your Servants and Horses catching Cold in waiting for you.

It is customary to allow the Coachman some refreshment when your Horses are put up, while you are at Dinner. Whatever you choose to give, give in Money.

_If you go out to Dinner in the Country_, your Nags will like to Dine too, and have half a peck of Corn and some Hay also. Different Inns vary in their charges from 2_s._ 6_d._ (including 6_d._ to the Hostler) to 3_s._ 6_d._

_When you go out to Dinner in the Environs of Town_, where you have not been before, and are unacquainted with the Topography of the Country, start at least a quarter of an hour earlier than you may think is absolutely necessary, that you may have time to find the House, which is not always very easy, especially if your friend has only lately resided there.

_Those who dwell in Suburban Villas_, have (or ought to have) engraved on the back of their Cards, _a Map of the Road from the Stones’ end to their House_. This would save their Visitors a vast deal of trouble, and they would not have their Dinner spoiled quite so often, by their Guests not arriving in time, from not knowing the way.

_Persons dwelling four or five Miles from Town, and those who invite Friends from the Country to dine with them_, should Dine, and have all such Parties at least an Hour or two earlier than the fashionable town time, so that their Guests may get home at their usual hour of retiring to Rest.

For people who live half a Dozen Miles from the Standard in Cornhill, to invite you, or you to invite them, to a _Dinner Party_ later than Four o’clock, or an _Evening Party_ later than Seven, is one of the most ridiculous affectations imaginable! Courteous Reader, summon resolution enough to _set a Good_ Example:--surely this cannot require more Courage than it does to _follow a Bad_ Example.

“And leave the folly of Night Dinners
To Fools, and Dandies, and old Sinners.”

Desire your Coachman to give you notice a day or two before the Horses will want

SHOEING,

that you may appoint a convenient time for that purpose. See _Obs. on Shoeing, in the Chapter on Horses_.

_If you think that you may want your Carriage earlier than your usual time of going out in the Morning_, give your Coachman notice over Night; or when you send in the Morning, expect (and don’t be uselessly angry if you get) for an answer, “John is gone to the Blacksmith’s,” or “to the Coachmaker’s,” or “to the Hay Market,” or to any other Market that the person who serves Fudge for him, happens to think of first. If any such Answer be given, desire that as soon as he returns, he will come for Orders; you will then know how long he has been absent.

LENDING YOUR CARRIAGE.

As soon as you set up a Carriage, lots of Idle and Impertinent People, and all the various branches of “the _Skin Flint’s_,” and “the _Save All’s_,” are up early on the alert, setting all kinds of Traps to ride at your cost.

Caution those Friends to whom you may give such accommodation, not to mention it: if they trot about, telling every one that they and you know, that “_Mr. Benevolus_ was so good as to lend us his Carriage, and we had such a nice ride all round here and there, and &c.”

If any of the numerous members of the “_Free and Easy_,” or “the _Save All_” families, who happen to have the slightest acquaintance with you, hear that you have given this accommodation to some very old and excellent Friend, who may have honestly earned every attention that you can possibly offer:--I should not wonder, if they were to Whisper to one another, “Oh, oh! is it so?--well,--I have really a vast respect for Mr. B.--hav’nt you? And if he is so exceedingly fond of Lending his Leathern convenience, don’t you think that we ought to do him the favour to Borrow it?--it will be so exceedingly convenient when we go to our Uncle _Makefeasts_--for we can’t hire a Glass Coach to take us Ten Miles and back under _Thirty_ Shillings, you know!”

_If you have any regard for Punctuality_, take care who you carry with you, especially _when going out to Dinner_!

If you undertake to carry people to one place, some unreasonable selfish beings are, not seldom, so pleased at an opportunity of shewing off “_en carrosse_,” that they will plague you with perpetual solicitations to stop at almost every Door they pass;--Aye, and act as if they fancied that they were jumping in “_an Errand Cart_.” Tell such Free and Easy folks very plainly, that _you must be at a certain Place at a certain Time_, and have not a moment to spare.

If you have any Mercy for your Horses, lend them not to others, unless you limit the _Time_ they are to be out, and the _Distance and Pace_ they are to go; say not exceeding ten Miles. Consider, you may be called upon to go a long Journey to-morrow, and if your Horses are over-worked to-day, how are you to get on? This caution to your Coachman is quite necessary, my good Reader; for those who borrow Horses and Carriages have been found willing enough to work them hard enough! If those who borrow it ask the Coachman to do any more work than you have directed him, tell him if he does it, it is at the peril of losing his place, and desire him to say plainly, “Such are my Master’s orders; if I disobey them he will discharge me the moment I return home.”

Forbid your Coachman receiving any present from those he carries. _Give him yourself, before he goes_, the same perquisite that you would give another person’s Servant who had driven you as far as he is going to drive your Friends, who will be Shabby companions indeed, if they do not offer him something, and who will tell you if he refuses to take it.--If they are not furiously anxious to acquaint you with your Servant’s _Integrity_, they, most likely, may have _Self-Love_ enough to wish to prove to you their own liberal intentions.--On such occasions, tell your Servants to say gently and respectfully, “I am much obliged to you, Sir--I am equally obliged to you, but my Master has already paid me extra for attending upon you.”

“_Edmund Burke_ brought with him and retained the hospitable customs of his Country. I knew an old School-fellow of his, who used almost annually to go to London from Ireland, frequently with some of his Family: they used to lodge at his house. Mr. Burke sent his Servants and Carriage with them to a considerable distance from Town, when the Guests, on parting with the Footman, expressed their obligations for the attention shewn them, and put a piece of Gold into the Coachman’s hand. ‘I cannot receive this, Sir: it would displease Mr. Burke exceedingly.’ ‘But I don’t intend ever to let him know any thing about it.’ ‘Sir, I should use my Master extremely ill were I to consent: for he gives me extra Wages, on the express condition of my not receiving any thing from those who visit him.’ ‘Thou art right, and I will report thy Integrity to thy Master.’”--_Dr. Walker’s Fragments_, 8vo. p. 118. 1802.

“Many are the tricks of Coachmen,” says the sagacious DEAN SWIFT.

“If they are not in the humour to Drive, they will tell their Master that the Horses have caught Cold--are off their Feed--want Shoeing--the Harness is out of order--Wet Weather roughens their Coats: and if any body takes a liking to one of your Nags, and they can get a Guinea by selling it, will persuade you to part with it, by telling you that he is beginning to be touched in his Wind, or Foundered, or is so Vicious that it has become dangerous to drive him.”

FIFTEEN THINGS

WHICH

(MR. JARVIS SAYS)

A GOOD COACHMAN WON’T DO.

1. He _will not_ gratify a greedy Innkeeper, Hackneyman, Hay Farmer, Coachmaker, Sadler, or other Tradesman, at the expense of his Employer; but, in laying out his Master’s Money, will be as careful as if it was his own.

2. _He will not_ leave his Master to the care of the Waiter and his Horses to the Hostler, and think only of Himself; but take care and attend to both, and be particularly careful that his Horses are well dressed, well fed[20], and well littered, and that their Shoes, Saddles, &c. are in proper condition to continue their Journey.

3. _He will not_, in disagreeable weather, urge the Hostler to say the Roads are bad, in order to detain him till the weather is better, or to go round a particular way.

4. _He will not_ recommend Strong Beer to his Horses, or Brandy to their Heels, in order to gratify a thirsty palate, at the expense of his own Head, and his Master’s Pocket.

5. _He will not_ contrive to have a Horse’s Shoe loose, or drive in a Stone to make him halt, in order to shorten or delay a day’s Journey; or advise his Master to stop under pretence of the Horses being faint and weak.

6. _He will not_ recommend particular Inns out of favour to the Landlord or the Hostler, or with a view of getting an extraordinary Dram for such recommendation.

7. _He will not_, if he is employed to purchase Hay or Straw, &c., trot up and down the Market till he has found _the Cheapest_, and then charge it to his Master as _the Dearest_.

8. _He will not_, when leading his Master’s Horse from one part of the country to another, suffer it to be hard ridden, either to oblige an old acquaintance, or to put half-a-crown into his own Pocket.

9. _He will not_, when sent alone to any distance, go round or out of his way to see an old friend, and then, to fetch up the time, gallop his Horse till he can scarce stand upon his Legs.

10. _He will not_, when Airing his Horses, play tricks with them, gallop them against other Horses for a Pint and a Pipe, or leap them over places that may stake them or spoil them.

11. _He will not_, to save his attendance in the Stable, fill the rack to the top with Hay, and the Manger to the brim with Oats, so as to occasion either being wasted; nor, to save his trouble, let the dirty litter stand under a Horse the whole day.

12. _He will not_, when he is to carry his Master’s Great Coat in a strap behind him, wrap his own Coat up in it, or leave his Master’s Coat outwards to get Wet, in case it should Rain.

13. _He will not_, when he comes to an Inn, after a hard day’s Journey, in cold and dirty weather, leave his Horses to a Stable Boy, to splash them up to their bellies, in Water, in order to wash them; suffer them to drink their fill, and then gallop them full speed a mile to warm them, whilst he is indulging himself with Purl and Hot Pot by the Kitchen Fire, although “Some Grooms are quite as curious in providing good Cheer for Themselves as they are for their Horses,” says the _Sieur Sollysell_, in his _Compleat Horseman_, fol. p. 110. 1717.

14. _He will not_, if his Horse drops a Shoe, gallop him as hard as he can to the next Smith, to the danger of his feet, but will travel on gently.

15. _He will not_, if he wants to spend an hour at an Ale-house, go out with an old Girth or Stirrup Leather in his hands, under pretence of getting it mended.

* * * * *

Coachmen have generally some spare hours, and would do wisely to learn a business at which they could work during such leisure;--such provident diligence would, in a few years, enable them to ride Inside instead of Outside of a Coach:--perhaps the most useful Trade they could take to would be that of a Sadler, a Shoemaker, or a Carpenter.

COACHMAN’S TOOLS.

Our friend _Mr. Jarvis_ assures us, that an experienced Coachman, who understands the care of a Carriage, can do many little Jobs, just as well as a Coachmaker, and can soon save his Employer not only the cost of the following things, but rectify several trifling derangements, which, if adjusted immediately, will prevent many heavy Repairs.--The shaking of the Carriage frequently loosens Bolts, Nuts, &c., which, if not immediately attended to, the Wood and Iron work soon suffers great injury; therefore, desire your Coachman to tell you the moment that he discovers any Repair to be wanting, or there appears any probability that any part is likely soon to break.

REQUISITE IMPLEMENTS.

A Setter Prop £1 0 0
Ditto, for an Underspring Carriage 2 0 0
Screw Wrench 0 7 0
Pair of Pincers 0 2 6
Hammer 0 2 6
Water Brush 0 3 0
Spoke Brush 0 2 6
Lining Brush 0 3 0
Horse Brush 0 3 0
Rag Mop 0 1 9
Yard of Stout Leather for Washing and
for stopping Rattling, &c. 0 3 0
-------
£4 8 3
-------

_To ensure Punctuality in your Visits_, which, Civility says, ought to be returned with as much Celerity as Convenience will permit, give your Coachman a List of the Places he is to take you to, and the Time you are to be there: the various branches of the _Gad-abouts_, who delight in the laborious Idleness of paying Morning Visits, and wish to pay as many as possible, in as little time as possible, and spend their time in being Driven to Doors, where they anxiously desire--not to be admitted, will find the above hint very valuable.

_When you go about paying Visits_, (especially in Cold Weather), desire your Coachman not to drive faster than Five miles an Hour:--_Nothing destroys more Coach Horses_, than the practice, so common in London, of driving them fast till they are Hot, and then keeping them standing still in the Cold.

Buildings have now spread themselves over such an immense extent of _Terra Nova et Incognita_, that a modern

MAP OF LONDON