Chapter XXXVIII: Letter XXXIX: Valley of Achor, April 12, 1819

Mr. EDMUNDS.

MY DEAR FRIEND,

It is many months ago since I saw you, but I hope you are still in the ways of God, looking unto Jesus. You and I have been taught to see there is nothing but misery and destruction out of Christ, nor any hope but in his word and work. The Lord has opened to us the spirituality of his law, and often reflected an humbling sense of his displeasure on the mind. Sin has been felt, and guilt has laid us low—fear, dread, and darkness has been on the soul, and bondage, enmity, rebellion, and distance, has been most sensibly experienced. These things have frequently beset me since I have been here, and although they have been painful feelings, I esteem them after they are over, as to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. But the Father not only chastens us, but he draws us to Christ. He first teaches us our lost state. I do not say the Lord communicates this bondage, this darkness and misery, but we are quickened to feel our sinfulness, and all these unpleasant sensations come on, of course; but being thus chastened, we are taught the value of Christ, by seeing our need of a Mediator, a surety, a better righteousness, and an intercessor in the light of the word; and by the spirit we see the exact suitableness of Christ, and are quickened to long for a sense of his mercy, the pardon of sin, and peace with God, in God’s own way. This we desire above all things else; and the adorable Father draws us out in holy, humble desires, fervent breathings, and earnest entreaties for the joys of pardoning love, and a gracious visit from Christ. The Father kindly guides our eyes to the promises, the invitations, the precious declarations, and kind words of the Saviour in the Gospel. These draw the heart; and as faith gathers sweet views, so hope springs up, and the fears of death and hell, with a sense of God’s anger, gradually abate. The Holy Spirit testifies of Jesus in the word, and in our hearts; gives us blessed views of his person and love, his infinite condescension, and his most blessed work in putting away sin, and fulfilling the law; conquering death and subduing hell; and as living a life of mediation in heaven for us. These things become precious, as the mind is opened to receive these truths; and as power is felt, so the fruits appear. His love is seen, and this sight under the spirit’s power melts us into nothing, produces godly sorrow, sweet repentance and humility, self loathing, and glowing love to God. _This_, _this_ my dear friend is my past, and often is my present experience, and my conscience can witness to it; and as to the bad opinion which good men have of me, it once distressed me; but since I have found the good opinion of crowds has been a snare to my soul, has puffed me up with pride, and set me down in carnal ease, I am best without it. Applause does not agree with my spiritual constitution, I grow best in the valley. Can the flag or the rush grow without the mire? I wish I had never courted the applause of man, but had been a little more anxious for the approbation of God and my conscience. A good name was an idol, and the Devil has run away with mine; no doubt in many cases I have justly deserved it, and now it is my duty, privilege and mercy, to learn what God means by this trial. Hence the command, Hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it; and the men of wisdom shall see thy name. I have taken the highest seat in God’s house, but the dung hill and the lowest form in the school suits me now. I have been building my nest in the tree of creature friendship, but this storm has blown it down, and now I am glad to embrace the rock I wet with the showers from the mountains of trouble; but I find shelter, hope, and solid rest in Jesus and his finished work. I shall be more fit to preach when I return, than I was before; but I will never preach again, till the Lord evidently calls me out. I ran once, but I ran too fast, and fell into trouble. When God lifts me up again, I shall stand more surely and safely, because I hope to stand in the Son, to abide in the vine, to continue in the truth, to keep in the love of God, and all that these expressions imply.

I trust you and your’s are growing in grace, that you still find the Saviour precious, your helper and deliverer. The Lord is with me, and I know it, and the good of it will be seen after many days. Kind respects to those who still secretly esteem me for my master’s sake.

Your’s,
_Ruhamah_.