Chapter XIV: Act III: Scene I

_A narrow passage in the castle._

_Enter_ ALONZO _and_ DE FLORES. (_In the act-time_[436]
DE FLORES _hides a naked rapier behind a door_.

DE F. Yes, here are all the keys; I was afraid, my
lord,
I'd wanted for the postern, this is it:
I've all, I've all, my lord: this for the sconce.
ALON. ’Tis a most spacious and impregnable fort.
DE F. You will tell me more, my lord: this descent
Is somewhat narrow, we shall never pass
Well with our weapons, they’ll but trouble us.
ALON. Thou sayest true.
DE F. Pray, let me help your lordship.
ALON. ’Tis done: thanks, kind De Flores.
DE F. Here are hooks, my lord,
To hang such things on purpose.
[_Hanging up his own sword and that of_ ALONZO.
ALON. Lead, I'll follow thee. [_Exeunt._

SCENE II.

_A vault._[437]

_Enter_ ALONZO _and_ DE FLORES.

DE F. All this is nothing; you shall see anon
A place you little dream on.
ALON. I am glad
I have this leisure; all your master’s house
Imagine I ha' taken a gondola.
DE F. All but myself, sir,—which makes up my safety.
[_Aside._
My lord, I'll place you at a casement here
Will shew you the full strength of all the castle.
Look, spend your eye a while upon that object.
ALON. Here’s rich variety, De Flores.
DE F. Yes, sir.
ALON. Goodly munition.
DE F. Ay, there’s ordnance, sir,
No bastard metal, will ring you a peal like bells
At great men’s funerals: keep your eye straight, my
lord;
Take special notice of that sconce before you,
There you may dwell awhile.
[_Takes the rapier which he had hid behind the door._
ALON. I am upon’t.
DE F. And so am I. [_Stabs him._
ALON. De Flores! O De Flores!
Whose malice hast thou put on?
DE F. Do you question
A work of secrecy? I must silence you. [_Stabs him._
ALON. O, O, O!
DE F. I must silence you. [_Stabs him._
So, here’s an undertaking well accomplish’d:
This vault serves to good use now: ha, what’s that
Threw sparkles in my eye? O, ’tis a diamond
He wears upon his finger; ’twas well found,
This will approve[438] the work. What, so fast on?
Not part in death? I'll take a speedy course then,
Finger and all shall off. [_Cuts off the finger._] So,
now I'll clear
The passages from all suspect or fear.
[_Exit with the body._

SCENE III.

_An apartment in the house of_ ALIBIUS.

_Enter_ ISABELLA _and_ LOLLIO.

ISA. Why, sirrah, whence have you commission
To fetter the doors against me? if you
Keep me in a cage, pray, whistle to me,
Let me be doing something.
LOL. You shall be doing, if it please you; I'll whistle
to you, if you’ll pipe after.
ISA. Is it your master’s pleasure, or your own,
To keep me in this pinfold?
LOL. ’Tis for my master’s pleasure, lest being taken in
another man’s corn, you might be pounded in another
place.
ISA. ’Tis very well, and he’ll prove very wise.
LOL. He says you have company enough in the house, if
you please to be sociable, of all sorts of people.
ISA. Of all sorts? why, here’s none but fools and
madmen.
LOL. Very well: and where will you find any other, if
you should go abroad? there’s my master, and I to boot
too.
ISA. Of either sort one, a madman and a fool.
LOL. I would even participate of both then if I were as
you; I know you’re half mad already, be half foolish
too.
ISA. You’re a brave saucy rascal! come on, sir,
Afford me then the pleasure of your bedlam;
You were commending once to-day to me
Your last-come lunatic; what a proper[439]
Body there was without brains to guide it,
And what a pitiful delight appear’d
In that defect, as if your wisdom had found
A mirth in madness; pray, sir, let me partake,
If there be such a pleasure.
LOL. If I do not shew you the handsomest, discreetest
madman, one that I may call the understanding madman,
then say I am a fool.
ISA. Well, a match, I will say so.
LOL. When you have [had] a taste of the madman, you
shall, if you please, see Fools' College, o' th' [other]
side; I seldom lock there; ’tis but shooting a bolt or
two, and you are amongst ’em. [_Exit, and brings in_
FRANCISCUS.]—Come on, sir; let me see how handsomely
you’ll behave yourself now.
FRAN. How sweetly she looks! O, but there’s a wrinkle in
her brow as deep as philosophy. Anacreon, drink to my
mistress' health, I'll pledge it; stay, stay, there’s a
spider in the cup! no, ’tis but a grape-stone; swallow
it, fear nothing, poet; so, so, lift higher.
ISA. Alack, alack, it is too full of pity
To be laugh’d at! how fell he mad? canst thou tell?
LOL. For love, mistress: he was a pretty poet too, and
that set him forwards first: the Muses then forsook him;
he ran mad for a chambermaid, yet she was but a dwarf
neither.
FRAN. Hail, bright Titania!
Why stand’st thou idle on these flowery banks?
Oberon is dancing with his Dryades;
I'll gather daisies, primrose, violets,
And bind them in a verse of poesy.
LOL. [_holding up a whip_] Not too near! you see your
danger.
FRAN. O, hold thy hand, great Diomede!
Thou feed’st thy horses well, they shall obey thee:
Get up, Bucephalus kneels. [_Kneels._
LOL. You see how I awe my flock; a shepherd has not his
dog at more obedience.
ISA. His conscience is unquiet; sure that was
The cause of this: a proper[440] gentleman!
FRAN. Come hither, Æsculapius; hide the poison.
LOL. Well, ’tis hid. [_Hides the whip._
FRAN. Didst thou ne’er hear of one Tiresias,
A famous prophet?[441]
LOL. Yes, that kept tame wild geese.
FRAN. That’s he; I am the man.
LOL. No?
FRAN. Yes; but make no words on’t; I was a man
Seven years ago.
LOL. A stripling, I think, you might.
FRAN. Now I'm a woman, all feminine.
LOL. I would I might see that!
FRAN. Juno struck me blind.
LOL. I'll ne’er believe that; for a woman, they say, has
an eye more than a man.
FRAN. I say she struck me blind.
LOL. And Luna made you mad; you have two trades to beg
with.
FRAN. Luna is now big-bellied, and there’s room
For both of us to ride with Hecate;
I'll drag thee up into her silver sphere,
And there we’ll beat the bush, and kick the dog[442]
That barks against the witches of the night;
The swift lycanthropi[443] that walk[444] the round,
We’ll tear their wolvish skins, and save the sheep.
[_Attempts to seize_ LOLLIO.
LOL. Is’t come to this? nay, then, my poison comes forth
again [_shewing the whip_]: mad slave, indeed, abuse
your keeper!
ISA. I prithee, hence with him, now he grows
dangerous.
FRAN. [_sings_]
_Sweet love, pity me,
Give me leave to lie with thee._
LOL. No, I'll see you wiser first: to your own kennel!
FRAN. No noise, she sleeps; draw all the curtains
round,
Let no soft sound molest the pretty soul,
But love, and love creeps in at a mouse-hole.
LOL. I would you would get into your hole! [_Exit_
FRANCISCUS.]—Now, mistress, I will bring you another
sort; you shall be fooled another while. [_Exit, and
brings in_ ANTONIO.]—Tony, come hither, Tony: look who’s
yonder, Tony.
ANT. Cousin, is it not my aunt?
LOL. Yes, ’tis one of ’em,[445] Tony.
ANT. He, he! how do you, uncle?
LOL. Fear him not, mistress, ’tis a gentle nigget;[446]
you may play with him, as safely with him as with his
bauble.[447]
ISA. How long hast thou been a fool?
ANT. Ever since I came hither, cousin.
ISA. Cousin? I'm none of thy cousins, fool.
LOL. O, mistress, fools have always so much wit as to
claim their kindred.

MADMAN [_within_]. Bounce, bounce! he falls, he falls!
ISA. Hark you, your scholars in the upper room
Are out of order.
LOL. Must I come amongst you there?—Keep you the fool,
mistress; I'll go up and play left-handed Orlando
amongst the madmen. [_Exit._
ISA. Well, sir.
ANT. ’Tis opportuneful now, sweet lady! nay,
Cast no amazing eye upon this change.
ISA. Ha!
ANT. This shape of folly shrouds your dearest love,
The truest servant to your powerful beauties,
Whose magic had this force thus to transform me.
ISA. You’re a fine fool indeed!
ANT. O, ’tis not strange!
Love has an intellect that runs through all
The scrutinous sciences, and, like a cunning poet,
Catches a quantity of every knowledge,
Yet brings all home into one mystery,
Into one secret, that he proceeds in.
ISA. You’re a parlous[448] fool.
ANT. No danger in me; I bring nought but love
And his soft-wounding shafts to strike you with:
Try but one arrow; if it hurt you, I
Will stand you twenty back in recompense.
ISA. A forward fool too!
ANT. This was love’s teaching:
A thousand ways he[449] fashion’d out my way,
And this I found the safest and [the] nearest,
To tread the galaxia to my star.
ISA. Profound withal! certain you dream’d of this,
Love never taught it waking.
ANT. Take no acquaintance
Of these outward follies, there’s within
A gentleman that loves you.
ISA. When I see him,
I'll speak with him; so, in the meantime, keep
Your habit, it becomes you well enough:
As you’re a gentleman, I'll not discover you;
That’s all the favour that you must expect:
When you are weary, you may leave the school,
For all this while you have but play’d the fool.

_Re-enter_ LOLLIO.

ANT. And must again.—He, he! I thank you, cousin;
I'll be your valentine to-morrow morning.
LOL. How do you like the fool, mistress?
ISA. Passing well, sir.
LOL. Is he not witty, pretty well, for a fool?
ISA. If he hold on as he begins, he’s like
To come to something.
LOL. Ay, thank a good tutor: you may put him to’t; he
begins to answer pretty hard questions.—Tony, how many
is five times six?
ANT. Five times six is six times five.
LOL. What arithmetician could have answered better? How
many is one hundred and seven?
ANT. One hundred and seven is seven hundred and one,
cousin.
LOL. This is no wit to speak on!—Will you be rid of the
fool now?
ISA. By no means; let him stay a little.

MADMAN [_within_]. Catch there, catch the last couple in
hell![450]
LOL. Again! must I come amongst you? Would my master
were come home! I am not able to govern both these wards
together. [_Exit._
ANT. Why should a minute of love’s hour be lost?
ISA. Fie, out again! I had rather you kept
Your other posture; you become not your tongue
When you speak from your clothes.
ANT. How can he freeze
Lives near so sweet a warmth? shall I alone
Walk through the orchard of th' Hesperides,
And, cowardly, not dare to pull an apple?

_Enter_ LOLLIO _above_.

This with the red cheeks I must venture for.
[_Attempts to kiss her._
ISA. Take heed, there’s giants keep ’em.
LOL. How now, fool, are you good at that? have
you read Lipsius?[451] he’s past _Ars Amandi_; I believe
I must put harder questions to him, I perceive
that. [_Aside._
ISA. You’re bold without fear too.
ANT. What should I fear,
Having all joys about me? Do you smile,
And love shall play the wanton on your lip,
Meet and retire, retire and meet again;
Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes
I shall behold mine own deformity,
And dress myself up fairer: I know this shape
Becomes me not, but in those bright mirrors
I shall array me handsomely.
[_Cries of madmen are heard within, like those
of birds and beasts._
LOL. Cuckoo, cuckoo! [_Exit above._
ANT. What are these?
ISA. Of fear enough to part us;
Yet are they but our schools of lunatics,
That act their fantasies in any shapes
Suiting their present thoughts: if sad, they cry;
If mirth be their conceit, they laugh again:
Sometimes they imitate the beasts and birds,
Singing or howling, braying, barking; all
As their wild fancies prompt ’em.
ANT. These are no fears.
ISA. But here’s a large one, my man.

_Re-enter_ LOLLIO.

ANT. Ha, he! that’s fine sport indeed, cousin.
LOL. I would my master were come home! ’tis too much for
one shepherd to govern two of these flocks; nor can I
believe that one churchman can instruct two benefices at
once; there will be some incurable mad of the one side,
and very fools on the other.—Come, Tony.
ANT. Prithee, cousin, let me stay here still.
LOL. No, you must to your book now; you have played
sufficiently.
ISA. Your fool is grown wondrous witty.
LOL. Well, I'll say nothing; but I do not think but he
will put you down one of these days.
[_Exit with_ ANTONIO.
ISA. Here the restrainèd current might make breach,
Spite of the watchful bankers: would a woman stray,
She need not gad abroad to seek her sin,
It would be brought home one way[452] or other:
The needle’s point will to the fixèd north;
Such drawing arctics women’s beauties are.

_Re-enter_ LOLLIO.

LOL. How dost thou, sweet rogue?
ISA. How now?
LOL. Come, there are degrees; one fool may be better
than another.
ISA. What’s the matter?
LOL. Nay, if thou givest thy mind to fool’s flesh, have
at thee!
ISA. You bold slave, you!
LOL. I could follow now as t’other fool did:
_What should I fear,
Having all joys about me? Do you but smile,
And love shall play the wanton on your lip,
Meet and retire, retire and meet again;
Look you but cheerfully, and in your eyes
I shall behold my own deformity,
And dress myself up fairer: I know this shape
Becomes me not_—
and so as it follows: but is not this the more foolish
way? Come, sweet rogue; kiss me, my little Lacedæmonian;
let me feel how thy pulses beat; thou hast a thing about
thee would do a man pleasure, I'll lay my hand on’t.
ISA. Sirrah, no more! I see you have discover’d
This love’s knight errant, who hath made adventure
For purchase of my love; be silent, mute,
Mute as a statue,[453] or his injunction
For me enjoying, shall be to cut thy throat;
I'll do it, though for no other purpose; and
Be sure he’ll not refuse it.
LOL. My share, that’s all;
I'll have my fool’s part with you.
ISA. No more! your master.

_Enter_ ALIBIUS.

ALIB. Sweet, how dost thou?
ISA. Your bounden servant, sir.
ALIB. Fie, fie, sweetheart,
No more of that.
ISA. You were best lock me up.
ALIB. In my arms and bosom, my sweet Isabella,
I'll lock thee up most nearly.—Lollio,
We have employment, we have task in hand:
At noble Vermandero’s, our castle['s] captain,
There is a nuptial to be solemniz’d—
Beatrice-Joanna, his fair daughter, bride—
For which the gentleman hath bespoke our pains,
A mixture of our madmen and our fools,
To finish, as it were, and make the fag
Of all the revels, the third night from the first;
Only an unexpected passage over,
To make a frightful pleasure, that is all,
But not the all I aim at; could we so act it,
To teach it in a wild distracted measure,
Though out of form and figure, breaking time’s head,
It were no matter, ’twould be heal’d again
In one age or other, if not in this:
This, this, Lollio, there’s a good reward begun,
And will beget a bounty, be it known.
LOL. This is easy, sir, I'll warrant you: you have about
you fools and madmen that can dance very well; and ’tis
no wonder, your best dancers are not the wisest men; the
reason is, with often jumping they jolt their brains
down into their feet, that their wits lie more in their
heels than in their heads.
ALIB. Honest Lollio, thou giv’st me a good reason,
And a comfort in it.
ISA. You’ve a fine trade on’t;
Madmen and fools are a staple commodity.
ALIB. O wife, we must eat, wear clothes, and live:
Just at the lawyer’s haven we arrive,
By madmen and by fools we both do thrive. [_Exeunt._

SCENE IV.

_An apartment in the castle._

_Enter_ VERMANDERO, BEATRICE, ALSEMERO, _and_ JASPERINO.

VER. Valencia speaks so nobly of you, sir,
I wish I had a daughter now for you.
ALS. The fellow of this creature were a partner
For a king’s love.
VER. I had her fellow once, sir,
But heaven has married her to joys eternal;
'Twere sin to wish her in this vale again.
Come, sir, your friend and you shall see the pleasures
Which my health chiefly joys in.
ALS. I hear
The beauty of this seat largely [commended].
VER. It falls much short of that.
[_Exit with_ ALSEMERO _and_ JASPERINO.
BEAT. So, here’s one step
Into my father’s favour; time will fix him;
I've got him now the liberty of the house;
So wisdom, by degrees, works out her freedom:
And if that eye be darken’d that offends me,—
I wait but that eclipse,—this gentleman
Shall soon shine glorious in my father’s liking,
Through the refulgent virtue of my love.

_Enter_ DE FLORES.

DE F. My thoughts are at a banquet; for the deed,
I feel no weight in’t; ’tis but light and cheap
For the sweet recompense that I set down for’t.
[_Aside._
BEAT. De Flores!
DE F. Lady?
BEAT. Thy looks promise cheerfully.
DE F. All things are answerable, time, circumstance,
Your wishes, and my service.
BEAT. Is it done, then?
DE F. Piracquo is no more.
BEAT. My joys start at mine eyes; our sweet’st
delights
Are evermore born weeping.
DE F. I've a token for you.
BEAT. For me?
DE F. But it was sent somewhat unwillingly;
I could not get the ring without the finger.
[_Producing the ring._[454]
BEAT. Bless me, what hast thou done?
DE F. Why, is that more
Than killing the whole man? I cut his heart-strings:
A greedy hand thrust in a dish at court,
In a mistake hath had as much as this.
BEAT. ’Tis the first token my father made me send him.
DE F. And I [have] made him send it back again
For his last token; I was loath to leave it,
And I'm sure dead men have no use of jewels;
He was as loath to part with’t, for it stuck
As if the flesh and it were both one substance.
BEAT. At the stag’s fall, the keeper has his fees;
’Tis soon applied, all dead men’s fees are yours, sir:
I pray, bury the finger, but the stone
You may make use on shortly; the true value,
Take’t of my truth, is near three hundred ducats.
DE F. ’Twill hardly buy a capcase for one’s conscience
though,
To keep it from the worm, as fine as ’tis:
Well, being my fees, I'll take it;
Great men have taught me that, or else my merit
Would scorn the way on’t.
BEAT. It might justly, sir;
Why, thou mistak’st, De Flores, ’tis not given
In state of recompense.
DE F. No, I hope so, lady;
You should soon witness my contempt to’t then.
BEAT. Prithee—thou look’st as if thou wert offended.
DE F. That were strange, lady; ’tis not possible
My service should draw such a cause from you:
Offended! could you think so? that were much
For one of my performance, and so warm
Yet in my service.
BEAT. ’Twere misery in me to give you cause, sir.
DE F. I know so much, it were so; misery
In her most sharp condition.
BEAT. ’Tis resolv’d then;
Look you, sir, here’s three thousand golden
florens;[455]
I have not meanly thought upon thy merit.
DE F. What! salary? now you move me.
BEAT. How, De Flores?
DE F. Do you place me in the rank of verminous
fellows,
To destroy things for wages? offer gold
[For] the life-blood of man? is any thing
Valued too precious for my recompense?
BEAT. I understand thee not.
DE F. I could ha' hir’d
A journeyman in murder at this rate,
And mine own conscience might have [slept at ease],[456]
And have had the work brought home.
BEAT. I'm in a labyrinth;
What will content him? I'd fain be rid of him.
[_Aside._
I'll double the sum, sir.
DE F. You take a course
To double my vexation, that’s the good you do.
BEAT. Bless me, I'm now in worse plight than I was;
I know not what will please him. [_Aside._]—For my
fear’s sake,
I prithee, make away with all speed possible;
And if thou be’st so modest not to name
The sum that will content thee, paper blushes not,
Send thy demand in writing, it shall follow thee;
But, prithee, take thy flight.
DE F. You must fly too then.
BEAT. I?
DE F. I'll not stir a foot else.
BEAT. What’s your meaning?
DE F. Why, are not you as guilty? in, I'm sure,
As deep as I; and we should stick together:
Come, your fears counsel you but ill; my absence
Would draw suspect upon you instantly,
There were no rescue for you.
BEAT. He speaks home! [_Aside._
DE F. Nor is it fit we two, engag’d so jointly,
Should part and live asunder.
BEAT. How now, sir?
This shews not well.
DE F. What makes your lip so strange?
This must not be betwixt us.
BEAT. The man talks wildly!
DE F. Come, kiss me with a zeal now.
BEAT. Heaven, I doubt him! [_Aside._
DE F. I will not stand so long to beg ’em shortly.
BEAT. Take heed, De Flores, of forgetfulness,
'Twill soon betray us.
DE F. Take you heed first;
Faith, you’re grown much forgetful, you’re to blame
in’t.
BEAT. He’s bold, and I am blam’d for’t. [_Aside._
DE F. I have eas’d you
Of your trouble, think on it; I am in pain,
And must be eas’d of you; ’tis a charity,
Justice invites your blood to understand me.
BEAT. I dare not.
DE F. Quickly!
BEAT. O, I never shall!
Speak it yet further off, that I may lose
What has been spoken, and no sound remain on’t;
I would not hear so much offence again
For such another deed.
DE F. Soft, lady, soft!
The last is not yet paid for: O, this act
Has put me into spirit; I was as greedy on’t
As the parch’d earth of moisture, when the clouds weep:
Did you not mark, I wrought myself into ’t,
Nay, sued and kneel’d for’t? why was all that pains
took?
You see I've thrown contempt upon your gold;
Not that I want it [not], for I do piteously,
In order I'll come unto ’t, and make use on’t,
But ’twas not held so precious to begin with,
For I place wealth after the heels of pleasure;
And were I not resolv’d in my belief
That thy virginity were perfect in thee,
I should but take my recompense with grudging,
As if I had but half my hopes I agreed for.
BEAT. Why, ’tis impossible thou canst be so wicked,
Or shelter such a cunning cruelty,
To make his death the murderer of my honour!
Thy language is so bold and vicious,
I cannot see which way I can forgive it
With any modesty.
DE F. Push![457] you forget yourself;
A woman dipp’d in blood, and talk of modesty!
BEAT. O misery of sin! would I'd been bound
Perpetually unto my living hate
In that Piracquo, than to hear these words!
Think but upon the distance that creation
Set ’twixt thy blood and mine, and keep thee there.
DE F. Look but into your conscience, read me there,
’Tis a true book, you’ll find me there your equal:
Push![457] fly not to your birth, but settle you
In what the act has made you, you’re no more now;
You must forget your parentage to me;
You are the deed’s creature; by that name
You lost your first condition, and I challenge you,
As peace and innocency have[458] turn’d you out,
And made you one with me.
BEAT. With thee, foul villain!
DE F. Yes, my fair murderess; do you urge me?
Though thou writ’st maid, thou whore in thy affection!
’Twas chang’d from thy first love, and that’s a kind
Of whoredom in the[459] heart; and he’s chang’d now
To bring thy second on, thy Alsemero,
Whom, by all sweets that ever darkness tasted,
If I enjoy thee not, thou ne’er enjoyest!
I'll blast the hopes and joys of marriage,
I'll confess all; my life I rate at nothing.
BEAT. De Flores!
DE F. I shall rest from all love’s[460] plagues then;
I live in pain now; that shooting eye
Will burn my heart to cinders.
BEAT. O sir, hear me!
DE F. She that in life and love refuses me,
In death and shame my partner she shall be.
BEAT. [_kneeling_] Stay, hear me once for all; I make
thee master
Of all the wealth I have in gold and jewels;
Let me go poor unto my bed with honour,
And I am rich in all things!
DE F. Let this silence thee;
The wealth of all Valencia shall not buy
My pleasure from me;
Can you weep Fate from its determin’d purpose?
So soon may [you] weep me.
BEAT. Vengeance begins;
Murder, I see, is follow’d by more sins:
Was my creation in the womb so curst,
It must engender with a viper first?
DE F. [_raising her_] Come, rise and shroud your
blushes in my bosom;
Silence is one of pleasure’s best receipts:
Thy peace is wrought for ever in this yielding.
'Las, how the turtle pants! thou’lt love anon
What thou so fear’st and faint’st to venture on.
[_Exeunt._