Chapter XXII: Act IV: , Scene 1

_Enter_ MADAM FRICASE, MADAM CAVEARE, MADAM JULIPPE, MADAM
JOCULETTE, MADAM MEDLAR, MADAM TINDER.

FRI. How tedious morns these be in our expectance Of what we tender most?

CAV. Credit me, madam, My marriage-day from th' rising sun to night Seem'd not so long, though it was long enough-- As the slow-running course of this morn's visit.

JUL. Desires cannot endure protractive hours; The poet has confirm'd our thoughts in this, Placing our action far below our wish: "Sooner quenched is love's fire With fruition than desire."

JOC. That poet surely was neither Mantuan, Lucian, nor Claudian.

MED. No, sister; nor Alcæus, Eubæus, nor Apuleius; but some cold cucumber-spirit--Xenocrates, who never actually knew how to hug his mistress.

TIN. This is the hour and place.

FRI. It is so; and no doubt but our feathered favourites have overflown us.

SCENE II.

_Enter_ VINTRESS _and_ DRAWERS.

VIN. What do you lack, my princely beauties?

CAV. What your sex cannot furnish us with, my dainty Dabrides. Did you entertain no gallants lately?

VIN. Not any, madam; but gallants are men of their words; they will stand to their tacking upon occasion: will you be pleased, noble ladies, in their absence to bestow yourselves in a room; or, to procreate yourselves, take a turn in the garden?

MED. 'Slid, does she hold us for Andalusian studs,[163] that can breed by the air, or procreate of ourselves?

FRI. Well, her meaning is good; we will accept her offer, and take a walk or a cheerful repose at our pleasure: and in it let each of us, for want of more real objects, entertain an imaginary apprehension of their absent lover.

[_Knocking within._

DRAW. Anon, anon, sir; quick, quick as Erebus, good Jeremy! Uds so, what a chattering they make? I verily think our old Tityre Tu's and Bugle Blews are come to town, they keep such a damnable quarter.

2D DRAW. They knock as they were madmen in the percullis. Quick, quick; more attendants in the _Unicorn_. There goes none to the _Antwerp_. The _Lion_ and the _Roebuck_[164] have not one drawer to attend them. Who goes into the Ladies' Garden?[165]

1ST DRAW. We shall have a brave term, if we stir not our stumps better.

[_Exeunt._

_The Ladies' Garden._--JULLIPPE, &c.

JUL. Th' Elysian groves so richly beautified, Deck'd with the tufted verdure: watered With crystal rills, and cloth'd above conceit In native diap'ry: may emblems be Of this delicious platform, where each sense May sate its quest with sweet satiety.

JOC. And th' edifying sense with melody.

[_Voices of nightingales._

Hark, how that ev'ning quire of nightingales

[Sidenote: _Dum Philomela canit, spinum sub pectore figit: Crimen ut incestus se meminisse dolet._]

Warble with shrillest notes, pricks at their breasts, Tereus' incestuous crime; as if't had been A fact inexpiable: wherein we doubt, What we should do, if [we] were put unto't. This is a garden, sure, of great frequent.

CAV. Lucullus nor the Roman Argentine Had ne'er the like: nor with completer beauties More gracefully embellish'd: it might be Styl'd the Spring Garden for variety Of all delights: balls, treats, and choice invites, Address'd for amorous parliance; and indeed To make the bargain up--you know my meaning.

FRI. Thou art a dang'rous beagle. What say you, ladies? In this perpetual spring-like sweet retire, To gratify her court'sy and conduct, Who tender'd these respects: let's have a frolic-- A jovial frolic, till the Platonics come. Whom we must chide, and with some discontent Tax for their slowness.

ALL. The motion's wondrous good; We all assent to't.

JOC. But in this assent Scatter such freedom as it may appear Our fortunes be our own: and that no eye Of jealousy or parsimonious thrift Can bound our humour. Let's call up the drawer.

[_They ring the bell._

_Enter_ DRAWER.

DRAW. Your pleasures, madams?

ALL. What hast within, boy?

DRAW. Cakes, creams, stewed prunes, olivets, tongues, tarts, and----

CAV. What else, you Jack-of-all-trades! Doth your mistress take
us, you nitty-napry rascal, for her bordella's blouses?[166]
Bring us here pistachio nuts,
Strengthening oringo roots.
Quince, peach, and preserv'd apricock,
With the stones pendant to't.[167]
With such incentive and salacious cates,
As quicken hours, and sharpen appetite.

DRAW. You shall, you shall, madam;--on my life, these be the ladies of the New Dress; they'll never be satisfied.

[_Aside._

[_Exit._

CAV. Let us imagine ourselves now to be planted in the Sparagus Garden, where if we want anything, it is our own fault. A fair alimony needs no pawn; it will discharge a tavern-bill at any time.

SCENE III.

_Enter again the_ VINTRESS _and_ DRAWER _with wine and fruit_.

VIN. How is it, noble ladies? Your honours shall want no rarities that our storehouse may afford you.

CAV. A glass of muscadella for me. Here, Madam Fricase, to Monsieur Florello!

[_Drinks._

FRI. This court'sy, madam, must not beget in you a forgetfulness of Caranto.

CAV. So nearly he's unbosomed, you need not fear it.

JUL. Nectarella for me. Here, princely Joculette, to your Salibrand!

[_Drinks._

JOC. Meantime, remember loyal Palisado.

JUL. No individual can be well forgot.

MED. Medea shall be mine. This, Madam Tinder, to your Tillyvally!

[_Drinks._

TIN. First to your own Morisco! So, this health's gone round.

FRI. Now when our throats are clear, let's join together In some choice musical air.

ALL. Agreed, agreed, What shall we have?

FRI. What may enliven love, And feather fancy with Icarian wings.

ALL. We must be mounting then. Your subject, madam?

FRI. _Le Drollere Amaranto._

ALL. Dainty airs, And lines to suit them: we shall follow you.

SONG, _in various Airs_.

_What shall we poor ladies do,
Match'd to shallops without brains,
Whose demains_[168] _are in grains,
And their wits in madding veins,
Stor'd with Neapolitan mains?
Give us sprightly sprigs of manhood,
None of these swads nor airy squibs,
Who would fain do, but cannot._

[_They alter the air upon the close of every stanza._

_Poor ladies, how we dwindle?
Who can spin without a spindle?
Valour never learn'd to tremble,
But in Cupid's dalliance nimble.
Little good does that stud with a stallion,
Fancies alien, weakly jointed,
Meanly mann'd, worse appointed,
Who would do, if he knew how,
But, alas! he would, but cannot._

_Penelope, though she were chaste,
Yet she bade her spouse make haste,
Lest by his sojourning long
She might chance to change her song,
And do her Ulysses wrong;
What then may we, who matched be
With these haggards madly manned,
Who would gladly do, but cannot?_

_Shall our youthful hopes decline;
Fade and perish in their prime:
And like forc'd Andromeda
Estrang'd from fancy's law!
Shall we wives and widows be,
Bound unto a barren tree?_

_Ushers come and apple-squires
To complete our free desires:
Platonics there be store
Fitly fram'd and train'd to man it.
Bavin once set afire
Will not so soon expire;
Let's never stay with such as they,
Who gladly would, but cannot._

_Shall we love, live, and feel no heat
While our active pulses beat?
Shall we hug none of our own,
But such as drop from th' frigid zone?
Let's rather suit old love adieu,
And i' th' requests suit for some new
Who have the heart to man it.
Tell us not this nor tell us that;
A kid is better than a cat,
And though he show, we know not what,
He cannot._

FRI. As I'm a virgin, ladies, bravely performed! Once more Frontiniac, and then a walk.

[_She drinks._

This wine wants flavour, sapour, odour, vigour; Taste it, dear madam, 'tis as pall and flat As a sear fly-flap.

DRAW. Our last year's vintage, madam, was but small.

CAV. It seems so by your measure: this would never Quicken the spirit nor inflame the blood.

[_One of the Ladies, looking out, discovers their deserted
Knights attired like their favourites, with their cloaks
over their faces._

LADY. They come, they come, they come!

ALL. Let's entertain them with a joint neglect.

SCENE IV.

_As their husbands pass along, they take occasion of
discourse one with another._

KNIGHTS. Let us pass by them with regardless scorn.

SIR REU. Pox on these overacting prostitutes! They sate mine appetite.

[_They interchange these expresses as they pass by their
Ladies' room._

SIR TRIS. Fancy so fed Begets a surfeit, ere it gets to bed.

SIR GRE. Ere I Platonic turn or Confidant, Or an officious servant to a puss, Whose honour lies at stake, let me become A scorn to my relations.

SIR ART. Or when I Engage my person, like a profess'd bolt, To vindicate a mistress, who for sale Would set her soul at hazard, may my grave Be in the kennel, and the scavenger The penman of my epitaph!

SIR JAS. Or I Embrace a monkey for a mass of treasure.

SIR AMA. May never down seize on this downless chin, When I become an usher to her sin.

SIR REU. So, let them chaw of this. Our scene is done, We'll leave the rest to their digestion: We must return those Adamites their clothes To make their visits in, or they're lost men; But it were strange, should they recruit again.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE V.

FRI. How is it, ladies?

CAV. Sure, we're in a dream. Whence comes this strangeness?

JUL. From the too much freedom Of our affection: had we kept them still, At a discreeter distance, we had play'd The wiser falc'ners, and caus'd them stoop Unto our lure with eager appetite. Fruits offer'd are least valu'd: got by stealth Or by surprise, they're precious.

JOC. Shall we sleep With this affront?

MED. Our spirits were remiss, Should we not pay them home in their own coin.

TIN. Let Tinder lose her name, her family, And alimony (which she values most), If Tilly suffer not for this disgrace.

ALL. We vow the like: revenge may be excus'd, For love resolves to hate when 'tis abus'd.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE VI.

_The Favourites appear to their half-bodies in their shirts,
in rooms above._

FLO. Why, you whoreson rogue! where's my suit? As I hope for mercy, I am half-persuaded that this slip-halter has pawned my clothes.

CAR. Nay, as our rooms be near, our fates are all alike. If my visit be admitted, I must present it naked.

JOC. When she sees her Salibrand so unmodiously accoutred, she will jeer him out of his periwig, and render him an Adamite cap-a-pie.

PAL. Never were servants without a dress less suitable to ladies of the New Dress.

SAL. We shall be held for salemen, or Knights of the White Livery, if we encounter them thus habited.

MOR. Nay, rather for Knights o' th' Post, who had forfeited their broked suits for want of swearing.

TIL. Nay, for tumblers, truckers, or scullermen: Plato, in all his Commonweal, had never such naked followers.

[_Their pages bring their clothes._

FLO. Now, you hemp-strings, had you no time to nim us, but when we were upon our visits?

PAGES. Your suits, sir, were not without employment. They were seam-rent, and stood in need of stitching.

ALL. Go to, rogues, you will never hang well together till you be stitched in a halter.

[_They attire themselves._

PAGES. Well, we got more clear gains by this shift than you will by your visit.

[_Aside._

CAR. We trench too much upon these ladies' patience: Better too late than never; let us haste To crown their longing hopes with our attendance: Delays in visits quicken our desires, And in their objects kindle secret fires.

[_They come down buttoning themselves._

[Sidenote: _Fastus in Antidotum frigoris, processit et urget Insolitos motus, lepidæque Cupidinis æstus, Vestibus amictus laceratis, alget et ardet._--Solin.]

FLO. 'Tis high meridian! we've lost the time Of our appointed treatment.[169]

CAR. Let's contrive Some neat evasion covertly disguis'd To bear the face of truth.

SAL. It would do well, Let's mould it as we go unto the garden.[170]

MOR. 'Twere vain to call; they're long ere this dismiss'd.[171]

PAL. And with incens'd spirits; which t' allay Were a receipt worth purchase.

TIL. Th' wound's so green, It must admit a cure. Our confidence Prepares us best admittance; go along.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE VII.

_Enter the_ ALIMONY LADIES _at the other door_.

FLO. How opportunely doth this season meet To give us freedom in our intercourse!

MOR. There is a secret influence, no doubt, Design'd to second us in our desires.

[_They go towards their Ladies._

FLO. Madam!

FRI. We were mad dames indeed, should we give freedom to such injurious favourites.

CAR. This is stormy language; I ever thought our late neglect would nettle them.

[_Aside._

FRI. You can affront us, sir, and with your wit Take a deep draught of Lethe and forget!

FLO. Forget! 'Slid, I did ne'er affront you.

FRI. No? Nor with a screw'd contemptuous look pass by us When we were at our treat? and with a scorn Not only slight us, but impeach our fame?

FLO. I call the heavens to witness, never I!

FRI. Perfidious wretch! this did I hear and see, And such records cannot deluded be. Your words, sir, are regist'red.

FLO. Pray, let's hear them.

FRI. You begun first with what your ulcerous flesh, If I be not deceiv'd, infected is.

[_The Favourites, as they appeared to their half-bodies in
the preceding scene: so the deserted Knights become
spectators of those public affronts done them by their
Ladies: only presenting themselves, and so withdrawing._

HUS. Hah, hah, hah! how neatly be these widgeons catcht in their own springes!

TRILLO _from the gallery_.

Bravely continued, Timon, as I live; Each subtle strain deserves a laurel sprig.

FRI. "Pox on these overacting prostitutes They sate mine appetite."

CAR. What might I say, That should disrelish Madam Caveare?

CAV. You rant it bravely, sir. "Fancy so fed Begets a surfeit ere it gets to bed."

JUL. You, Palisado, stand more resolute; "Ere I Platonic turn or Confidant, Or an officious servant to a puss Whose honour lies at stake, let me become A scorn to my relations."

JOC. "Or when I" (Thus I deblazon you, base Salibrand) "Engage my person, like a profess'd bolt To vindicate a mistress, who for sale Would set her soul at hazard, may my grave Be in the kennel, and the scavenger The penman of my epitaph."

MED. "Or I" (Thus you renounce your Medlar, Don Morisco) "Embrace a monkey for a mass of treasure."

TIN. Nor would Sir Tilly be one hair behind In scornful dereliction of our sex. "May never down seize on his downless chin, When he becomes an usher to our sin."

FLO. The devil's a witch, and has impostur'd them.

ALL PLA. Do you believe all this!

LADIES. As we do you, Stains to true love and all society! Henceforth observe your distance, as you tender Fame, freedom, life: else we do vow revenge Shall dog you at the heels.

FLO. So, we are lost; We must go cast about for some new aërie: For these be fledg'd and flown.

CAR. By this prevention I'll hate a mistress of such rare invention.

PAL. It seems their spleens for picking quarrels sought, In pressing what we neither spake nor thought.

[_Exeunt._

SCENE VIII.

_Enter Two Seville Merchants._

1ST MER. Our Duke Eugenio is safe return'd, Laden with trophies, spoils, and victories.

2D MER. Those Hectors, too, who launched forth for Tunis, Have shown their valour, and enrich'd their fortunes, Which languish'd in despair before this voyage, Above expectance; rich rixdollars are Sown like Pactolus' sand: their pockets cramm'd With Indian ore.

1ST MER. What will not prowess do, Where hope of honour, promise of reward, Or country's fame--th' attractiv'st lure of all-- Give spirit to men's actions?

2D MER. This appears Instanc'd in them to life:[172] for by their hazard, Successfully completed, foreign sails Ne'er came so richly fraughted.

1ST MER. It were well The rest of our stout myrmidons, whose courage Stands for the wall, or in a tavern quarrel Or an highway's surprise, to raise a stock To feed their debauch'd visits, were so employ'd It would secure our commerce.

2D MER. This good duke Will regulate, no doubt, his state-affairs With that composure, as no fruitless weed Shall promise to itself long nourishment Within the coast of Seville. What means this?

[_A noise of clarions, surdons, fifes, plausulets, within._

MESSENGER. The Duke's approaching in triumphant state.

HERALD. Make clear the way; room for his excellence! Never did Seville show more like herself Nor beautifi'd with a more graceful presence Since her foundation.