Chapter VII: Part 7

What a fright the news of dear Leopold’s dangerous attack has given
us! Mr. Sahl’s letter to Becker arrived yesterday afternoon
containing the bad news, and he spoke of so _little_ hope, that I
was so upset and so dreadfully distressed for the dear darling, for
you, poor Mama, and for us all, that I am quite unwell still
to-day.

When your telegram came to-day, and Louise’s letter, I was so
relieved and only pray and hope that the improvement may continue.
May God spare that young bright and gifted life, to be a comfort
and support to you for many a year to come!

Had I only had a telegram! for, the letter being two days old,
until your telegram came I passed six such agonizing hours! Away
from home, every news of illness or sorrow there is so difficult to
bear--when one can share all the anxiety and trouble only _in
thought_.

The day passes so slowly without news, and I am always looking
toward the door to see if a telegram is coming. Please let me hear
regularly till he is quite safe; I do love the dear boy, as I do
all my brothers and sisters, so tenderly!

How I wish you had been spared this new anxiety! Those two days
must have been dreadful!

Darling Mama, how I wish I were with you! God grant that in future
you may send us only good news.

Louis and my parents-in-law send their respectful love and the
expression of their warmest sympathy, in which the other members of
the family join.

February 2d.

How glad and truly thankful I am, that the Almighty has saved our
darling Leopold and spared him to you and to us all! For the second
or even third time that life has been given again, when all feared
that it must leave us! A mother’s heart must feel this so much more
than any other one’s, and dear Leopold, through having caused you
all his life so much anxiety, must be inexpressibly dear to you,
and such an object to watch over and take care of. Indeed from the
depth of my heart I thank God with you for having so mercifully
spared dear Leo, and watched over him when death seemed so near!

You will feel deeply now the great joy of seeing a convalescence
after the great danger, and I know, through a thousand little
things, how your loving and considerate heart will find pleasure
and consolation in cheering your patient.

That for the future you must ever be so anxious is a dreadful
trial, but it is to be hoped that Leo will yet outgrow this strange
illness. I am sure good Archie[85] takes great care of him, and by
this time he will have gathered plenty of experience to be a good
nurse.

Baby is better, but her poor head and face are perfectly covered
with spots, and she was in despair with the smarting and itching,
and of course rubbed herself quite sore. Ella has it slightly since
this morning.

DARMSTADT, February 13th.

* * * First let me wish you joy for the birth of this new
grandson,[86] born on your dear wedding-day. I thought of you on
the morning of the 10th, and meant to telegraph, but those dreadful
neuralgic pains came on before I had time to look about me, and
really laid me prostrate for the whole day, as they lasted so very
long. I have never felt so unwell, or suffered so much in my life,
and this moment, sitting up in Louis’ room, I feel more weak than I
have ever felt on first getting up after my confinements. Quinine
has kept me free from pain to-day, and I hope will do so to-morrow.
I have been in bed a week and touched absolutely nothing all the
time. Yesterday evening, as throughout the day, I had had (but much
more slightly) a return of these agonizing attacks, which seized my
left eye, ear, and the whole left side of my head and nose. I got
up and sat in Louis’ room; I could only bear it for two hours, and
all but fainted before I reached my bed. If I can get strength, and
have no return of pain, I hope to go out after to-morrow. I could
not see the children or any one during this week, and always had my
eyes closed, first from pain, and then from exhaustion when the
pain left me. I really thought I should go out of my mind, and you
know I can stand a tolerable amount of pain.

February 17th.

* * * I am so distressed that you remained so long without news. I
was really for a whole week quite incapable of _any idea_ about any
thing, and had mostly my eyes shut, and was constantly alone, as I
could not bear any one in the room.

General Plonsky, the Corps Commandant from Cassel, came here
unexpectedly, and Louis, being under his command, was so taken up
during those days, besides an immense deal of military business,
that I never saw him more than a few minutes in the morning; and
during his free time in the afternoon he sat, like the best nurse
in the world, near my bed in the dark room, putting wet rags on my
head and trying by every possible means to alleviate my pains. He
was touching in the great care he took of me. Louis and Harriet did
all for me, and I could bear no one else about me. You see, poor
Louis had no time to write, and he always thought that I should be
well the next day and write myself.

DARMSTADT, February 24th.

To my and, I fear, dear Vicky’s great disappointment, Dr. Weber
won’t let me go to Berlin, and wants me to go to Wiesbaden for a
cold-water cure instead. The latter will be intensely dull, as I
shall be there for four weeks all alone; but I believe it will be
very beneficial, as with every year I seem to get more rheumatic,
which at my age is of course not good.

We shall hope to be able to come to Windsor, middle of June, as you
desire. The exact time you will kindly let us know later.

DARMSTADT, March 9th.

* * * Louis left yesterday morning for Munich. It is a twelve
hours’ journey. There is a procession on foot at the funeral, going
to the church through the town, which will last about two hours,
and then a very long ceremony in the large, cold Basilica.[87]

DARMSTADT, March 14th.

I send you a few lines to-day for the 16th, the anniversary of the
first great sorrow which broke in upon your happy life. How well do
I recollect how I accompanied you and dear Papa down to Frogmore
that night, our dinner in the flower room, the dreadful watching in
the corridor, and then the so painful end! Darling Papa looked so
pale, so deeply distressed, and was so full of tender sympathy for
you. He told me to go to you and comfort you, and was so full of
love and commiseration as I have never seen any man before or
after. Dear, sweet Papa! that in that same year we should live
together through such another heart-rending scene again, and he not
there to comfort or support you, poor Mama!

It sometimes, even at this distance of time, seems nearly
impossible that we should have lived through such times, and yet be
alive and resigned.

God’s mercy is indeed great; for He sends a balm to soothe and heal
the bruised and faithful heart, and to teach one to accommodate
one’s self to one’s sorrow, so as to know how to bear it!

DARMSTADT, April 2d.

* * * Louis is in a most unpleasant crisis with the Ministry and
the Grand Duke. I don’t know how it will end.

DARMSTADT, April 5th.

Only two words to-day, as my heart is so full of love and
gratitude to you who took such care of me this day five years ago,
who heard Victoria’s first cry, and were such a comfort and help to
us both. All these recollections make Victoria doubly dear to us,
and, as in this world one never knows what will happen, I hope that
you will always watch over our dear child, and let her be as dear
to you as though she had been one of us.

We have spent the day very sadly and quietly together. Louis’
affairs have taken such a turn that he has been obliged to tender
the Grand Duke his resignation, as he does not consider it
compatible with his honor to remain, under existing circumstances.
He has made a great sacrifice to his duty and honor, but doing
one’s duty brings the reward with it of a clear conscience.

April 3d.

* * * The King of Prussia has sent General von Bonin here to speak
seriously with the Grand Duke, and prove to him through papers,
etc., that he has not kept his word, and that he has been very
badly advised, and that Louis was quite in the right. The result
has been that the poor Grand Duke is scandalized at the state of
affairs, and that he really seems to have been more in the dark
than was supposed. He gives Louis the command again, sends away the
whole _Kriegsministerium_ [War Department], to be reorganized more
simply, and with other people, according to Louis’ proposals; and
so all _military_ affairs will be in order, and Louis have much
greater power to carry out all that has to be done.

We are so pleased at all having turned out thus far well, and know
that you will share our feelings. Louis gets more work and a great
responsibility; but he has proved himself so capable in every
respect, so active and hard-working, that I think and trust he will
overcome all difficulties.

I go alone to Gotha, and Louis will follow as soon as he can, so as
to spend my birthday there.

I am so distressed at dear, good Sir James [Clark’s] illness. I
hope and trust that this precious old friend will still be spared
for a few years at least.

GOTHA, April 25th.

* * * It is now eleven years since I spent my birthday with dear
Vicky, and she has been so dear and kind, and dear Aunt and Uncle
likewise. We spend the day quite quietly together, and the bad
weather prevents any expeditions.

After to-morrow we go home.

DARMSTADT, May 4th.

Accept my best thanks for your last letter written on dear Arthur’s
birthday. The playing of the band I am sure gave him pleasure; but
it would be too painful for _all_ ever to have it again on the
terrace as formerly. There are certain tunes which that Marine Band
used to play, which, when I have chanced to hear them elsewhere,
have quite upset me, so powerful does the recollection of those so
very happy birthdays at Osborne remain upon me! Those happy, happy
days touch me even to tears when I think of them. What a joyous
childhood we had, and how greatly it was enhanced by dear, sweet
Papa, and by all your great kindness to us!

I try to copy as much as lies in my power all these things for our
children, that they may have an idea, when I speak to them of it,
of what a happy home ours was.

I do feel so much for dear Beatrice and the other younger ones,
who had so much less of it than we had!

DARMSTADT, May 11th.

For your sake I am sorry that my condition should cause you
anxiety, for you have enough of that, God knows. But I am so well
this time that I hope and trust all may go well, though one is
never sure. It is this conviction which I always have, and which
makes me serious and thoughtful, as who can know whether with the
termination of this time my life may not also terminate?

This is also one of the reasons why I long so very much to see you,
my own precious Mama, this summer, for I cling to you with a love
and gratitude, the depth of which I know I can never find words or
means to express. After a year’s absence I wish so intensely to
behold your dear, sweet, loving face again, and to press my lips on
your dear hands. The older I grow the more I value and appreciate
that mother’s love which is unique in the world; and having, since
darling Papa’s death, only you, the love to my parents and to
adored Papa’s memory is all centred in _you_.

Louis has leave from the 11th of June to the 11th of August.

Uncle Ernest is coming here to-day for the day, from Frankfort,
where he has been to a cattle-show. Uncle Adalbert is here, so much
pleased with having seen you again, singing the praise of both
Lenchen and Louise, which of course I joined in, as it is such a
pleasure to hear others admire and appreciate my dear sisters.

DARMSTADT, May 14th.

I know you will be grieved to hear that we all have had the grief
of losing good, excellent Jäger.[88] He was, on the whole, better
and was out daily, and he went to bed as usual, when in the middle
of the night he called one of the men, and before they could come
to his assistance he expired, having broken a blood-vessel. Poor
Katrinchen’s despair and grief were quite heart-rending, when we
went together to see our true and valued servant for the last time.
I was so upset by the whole, that it was some days before I got
over it. We made wreaths to put on his coffin, which was covered
with flowers sent from all sides, and we both were at the door with
our servants when he was carried out, and tried to console the
poor, unfortunate _Braut_ [bride], who remained at home.

He was the best servant one could find; never, since he has been in
our service, had he been found fault with by any one. He was good,
pious, and gentle, and very intelligent. The death of a good man,
who has fulfilled his allotted duty in this world as a good
Christian ought, touches one deeply, and we have really mourned for
him as for a friend, for he was one in the true sense of the word.
Jäger rests alongside my poor Willem, in the pretty little cemetery
here; a bit of my heart went with them.

Fritz, on his way back from Italy, spent a few hours with us, and
told us much of his journey. He heard the strangest rumors of
France intending to break out in sudden hostilities with Germany,
and asked me what you thought of a probability of a war for this
summer. I hope to God, that nothing horrid of that sort will
happen! Do you think it likely, dear Mama?

DARMSTADT, May 19th.

My own darling and most precious Mama, the warmest and tenderest
wishes that grateful children can form for a beloved parent we both
form for you, and these lines but weakly express all I would like
to say. May God bless and watch over a life so precious and so dear
to many! It is now six years since I spent that dear day near you,
but I hope that some time or other we shall be allowed to do so.
Our joint present is a medal for you with our heads. We had it made
large in oxidized silver on purpose for you. I myself have braided
and embroidered, with Christa’s help (who begged to be allowed to
do something for you), a trimming for a dress, which I hope you
will like and wear. It took a deal of my time, and my thoughts were
so much with you while I was doing it, that I quite regretted its
completion.

We are having a bracelet with our miniatures and the three
children’s in it made for you, but unfortunately it is not
finished, so we shall bring it and give it to you ourselves.

DARMSTADT, May 29th.

* * * The intense heat remains the same, and becomes daily less
endurable here in town--the result on my unfortunate person being a
very painful rash which itches beyond all description. I hope it
won’t increase.

How I envy you at Balmoral! the very thought of that air makes me
better.

OSBORNE, August 6th.

I was just sitting down to write to you when Ernest came in with
your dear letter. Thousand thanks for it! These parting lines will
be such a clear companion to me on our journey. I can’t tell you
how much I felt taking leave of you this time, dear Mama; it
always is such a wrench to tear myself away from you and my home
again. Where I have so, oh, so much to be thankful and grateful to
you for, I always fear that I can never express my thanks as warmly
as I feel them, which I do indeed from the bottom of my heart. God
bless you, darling Mama, for all your love and kindness; and from
the depth of my heart do I pray that nothing may cause you such
anxiety and sorrow again as you have had to bear of late. * * *

When I left you at the pier the return to the empty house was so
sad! It felt quite strange, and by no means pleasant, to be here
without you and all the others. We lunched alone with Victoria, and
dined in the hot dining-room with the ladies and gentlemen, sitting
on the terrace afterward.

It has rained all the morning, and is most oppressive. As it is so
foggy, we have to leave at two; but there is no wind, and I hope
the sea will be quite smooth. I am sure you must feel lonely and
depressed on this journey, poor Mama; but the change of scene and
beautiful nature enjoyed in rest and quiet must surely do you good.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 10th.

* * * We left Osborne at two on Thursday in rain and wind. The
children and I were dreadfully sick an hour after starting, but the
passage got smoother later; and, though I was very wretched in
every way, I was not sick again. The same sort of weather on the
_Alberta_ next morning, but it cleared up later. The Rhine steamer
was very comfortable, and Doctor Minter accompanied us to
Dordrecht. The last afternoon and night on board I suffered
dreadfully. Since I arrived here, I am better, but not right yet.
Had it not been for your great kindness in giving us the ship, I
am sure I should not have got home right. This awful heat adds to
my feelings of fatigue and discomfort.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 11th.

I have just received your letter, from Lucerne, and hasten to thank
you for it.

How glad I am that you admire the beautiful scenery, and that I
know it, and can share your admiration and enjoyment of it in
thought with you! It is most lovely. The splendid forms, and the
color of the lake, are two things that we don’t know in dear
Scotland, and which are so peculiar to Swiss scenery.

Louis is in town from eight till our two o’clock dinner, and has a
great deal to do.

For your sake as for my own I long for a respite from this
unbearable heat, which is so weakening and trying.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 16th.

* * * How satisfactory the accounts of dear good Arthur are! From
the depth of my heart do I congratulate you on all that Colonel
Elphinstone says about his character, for with a real moral
foundation, and a strict sense of duty and of what is right and
wrong, he will have a power to combat the temptations of the world
and those within himself. I am sure that he will grow up to be a
pride and pleasure to you, and an honor to his country.

Brown must have been glad to be allowed to continue wearing his
kilt, and, as it is a national dress, it is far more natural that
he should give it up nowhere. I am sure that he and Annie[89] must
admire the place.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 26th.

I have just received your dear letter, and am so pleased to hear
that you enjoyed your excursion, and that you have now seen the
sort of wild scenery high up in the mountains, which I think so
beautiful and grand in Switzerland. For all admirers of that style
of scenery there is nothing to be compared to Switzerland.

Since it became cool again I have had neuralgia in my head, and I
have had a dreadful sty, which had to be cut open, and made me
quite faint and sick for the whole day. In spite of it I went to
the station here, with a thick veil on, to see the Russian
relations pass two days ago. The Emperor looks even more altered
and worn since last year, and is suddenly grown so old.

KRANICHSTEIN, September 4th.

* * * How too delightful your expeditions must have been! I do
rejoice that, through the change of weather, you should have been
able to see and enjoy all that glorious scenery. Without your good
ponies and Brown, etc., you would have felt how difficult such
ascents are for common mortals, particularly when the horses slip,
and finally sit down. I am sure all this will have done you good;
seeing such totally new beautiful scenery does refresh so
immensely, and the air and exertion--both of which you seem to bear
so well now--will do your health good.

Yesterday we both were two hours at Jugenheim. To-day the two
little cousins are coming to see my children.

Louis’ business is increasing daily, and until the 19th, manœuvres,
inspections, etc., won’t be over. He will even have to be away on
his birthday, which is a great bore. There is a great review for
the Emperor on Saturday.

September 15th.

* * * Like a foolish frightened creature as I am, I have worried
myself so much about this sudden talk of war and threatening in all
the French papers, saying that October, November, or thereabouts
would be a good time to begin. Do tell me, if you think there is
the least reasonable apprehension for any thing of that sort this
year. I have such confidence in your opinion, and you can imagine
how in my present condition I must tremble before a recurrence of
all I went through in 1866!

I am so grieved that you should be so unwell on the journey home.
Dear beautiful Scotland will do you good. I envy your going there,
and wish I could be with you, for I am so fond of it. Remember me
to all the good people.

DARMSTADT, October 28th.

* * * The Queen of Prussia is coming to lunch with us on Saturday
on her way to Coblenz.

I have a cold these last days, and Victoria is still confined to
the house with her swelled neck. She had quite lost her appetite,
and I tried some porridge for her, which she enjoys, and I hope it
will fatten her up a little, for she is so thin and pale. Would you
please order a small barrel of oatmeal to be sent to me? Dr. Weber
thinks it would be very good for Victoria, and one cannot get it
here.

DARMSTADT, November 20th.

It is with the greatest interest that I read about the
Mausoleum,[90] as I was very anxious to know whether all would be
finished. Having been present before at all the important steps in
the progress of this undertaking, I feel very sorry to be absent at
the last, and I shall be very impatient to see it all again.

Winter has quite set in now here, and when there is no wind the
cold is very pleasant.

DARMSTADT, December 4th.

Thousand thanks for all your dear kind wishes, for your first
letter to me, for the one to Louis, and finally for the eatables! I
can’t tell you how touched, how pleased we both are at the kind
interest all at home have shown us on this occasion. It has really
enhanced our pleasure at the birth of our little son, to receive so
many marks of sympathy and attachment from those in my dear native
home, and in my present one. My heart is indeed overflowing with
gratitude for all God’s blessings.

The time itself was very severe, but my recovery is up to now the
best I have ever made, and I feel comparatively strong and well.

The girls are delighted with their brother, though Victoria was
sorry it was not a sister. Darling Louis was too overcome and taken
up with me at first to be half pleased enough. Baby is to be called
by Louis’ Uncle Louis’ wish, _Ernst Ludwig_, after a former
Landgrave;[91] then we would like you to give the name _Albert_;
_Charles_, after my father-in-law; and _William_, after the King of
Prussia, whom we mean to ask to be godfather. The christening is
most likely to be on the 28th, or thereabout.

I am on my sofa in my sitting-room with all your dear photos, etc.,
around me, and your pretty quilt over me.

December 12th.

* * * Every new event in my life renews the grief for dear Papa’s
loss, and the deep regret that he was not here to know of all, to
ask advice from, to share joy and grief with, for he was such a
tender father, and would have been such a loving grandfather.

You, darling Mama, fill his place with your own, and may God’s
support never leave you, and ever enable you to continue fulfilling
the many duties toward State and family! The love of your children
and people encircles you.

DARMSTADT, December 18th.

* * * The presents you intend giving baby will delight us, and in
later years I can tell him all about his Grandpapa, and how I wish
and pray he may turn out in any way like him, and try and aim to
become so.

I think it would be best, perhaps, if you asked my mother-in-law to
represent you and hold baby. I think it would pain her, should any
one else do it, and I will ask her in your name, if you will kindly
telegraph me your approval.

I am sorry Arthur cannot come, it would have given us such pleasure
had it been possible.

The greater part of baby’s monthly gowns have been put away, as
from the beginning they were too small. He is so very big.

Christmas Day.

* * * Louis thanks you thousand times, as we do, for the charming
presents for the children. They showed them to every one, shouting:
“This is from my dear English Grandmama”; and Ella, who is always
sentimental, added: “She is so very good, my Grandmama.” Irene
could not be parted from the doll you gave her, nor Victoria from
hers. Baby was brought down, and was wide awake the whole time,
looking about with his little bright eyes like a much older child.

We spent a very happy Christmas eve, surrounded by the dear
children and our kind relations.

DARMSTADT, December 29th.

* * * Prince Hohenzollern with three gentlemen were sent by the
King, and the former dined with us after the ceremony. All went off
so well, and baby, who is in every way like a child of two months,
looked about him quite wisely, and was much admired by all who saw
him.

I am so sorry that you have never seen my babies since Victoria,
for I know you would admire them, they look so mottled and healthy.
Weather permitting, baby is to be photographed to-morrow.

1869.

The winter passed quickly and quietly amidst many occupations.

In May the Prince and Princess, with their children, went on a visit to the Crown Prince and Princess of Prussia at Potsdam, where they spent four happy weeks. Whilst they were there, the Viceroy of Egypt paid a visit to Berlin. Later in the summer they went to Silesia, and spent some time at Fischbach, a property belonging to Princess Charles of Hesse, whose sister, the Queen of Bavaria, and brother, Prince Adalbert of Prussia, joined them there. During their stay, the Prince and Princess made excursions into the neighboring mountains, and ascended the Schneekoppe; and the Prince and his brothers visited the battlefield of Königsgrätz. On the way back to Darmstadt they visited Dresden, to see the King and Queen of Saxony at their country seat, Pillnitz, an hour’s drive from Dresden.

In August, the King of Prussia for the first time personally inspected the Hessian troops. The Prince commanded the troops at the manœuvres in Upper Hesse, at the conclusion of which they paraded before the King of Prussia at Bergen.

Some weeks later, the Prince and Princess of Wales and their family paid Prince and Princess Louis a visit at Kranichstein. The opening of the Idiot Asylum built by the Princess took place on the 15th of October in her presence and that of the Prince. It had been arranged that Prince Louis should accompany the Crown Prince of Prussia on his journey to the East, on the occasion of the opening of the Suez Canal. He started on the 9th of October for Venice. The two Princes visited Corfu, Athens, and Constantinople, and were received with every possible honor in the capitals of Greece and Turkey. They went on to Jaffa, and thence to Jerusalem, Hebron, Damascus, and Baalbec, and finally, on the 15th of November, they arrived at Port Said, where they met a large number of other Princes. A journey up the Nile as far as the first and second cataracts brought their travels to an end. They returned home by way of Naples, and through Italy.

During the absence of the two Princes, the Crown Princess of Prussia and Princess Alice, with her little son, went to Cannes. Whilst there, the Princess devoted herself entirely to the care of her child. Being together with her sister, and in that sunny country, made up somewhat for the long separation from her husband. The Princes joined the two Princesses at Cannes shortly before Christmas. The new year saw them all at home again.

DARMSTADT, January 8th.

* * * Dear charming Lady Frances [Baillie] is on a visit with us,
and I enjoy having her so much. We talk of old times at Frogmore,
and so many pleasant recollections.

I am glad that you like baby’s photograph, though it does not do
him justice. He is a pretty baby on the whole, and has a beautiful
skin, very large eyes, and pretty mouth and chin; but his nose is
not very pretty, as it is so short at present. He is a dear good
child, and, though immensely lively, does not give much trouble. He
is a great source of happiness to us, and I trust will continue so.

DARMSTADT, January 13th.

* * * Is not the death of Leopold’s son shocking?[92] Such
suffering, such a struggle for months between life and death; and
for the poor parents to have in the end to relinquish their child,
their only son! I think it heart-rending. May the Almighty continue
to support them even now, as he did these many months! I cannot say
how much and truly I feel for them both. This world is full of
trials, and some seem to be called upon to suffer and give up so
much. Faith and resignation alone can save those hearts from
breaking, when the burden must be so heavy.

A few days ago at two o’clock we had another shock [of earthquake],
and it seemed as if the house rocked; at the same time the
unearthly noise. I think it uncommonly unpleasant, particularly
this repetition.

January 30th.

Our thoughts and prayers are so much with you and dear Leopold on
this day [his Confirmation]. May the Almighty bless and protect
that precious boy, and give him health and strength to continue a
life so well begun and so full of promise!

It seems to me quite incredible, the eighth of us should already be
old enough to take this step in life, and to have his childhood in
fact behind him. Dear Papa’s blessing surely rests on him, and his
spirit is near you as you stand there alone by the side of his
child, about whom he always was so anxious.

February 5th.

* * * Beloved Papa’s cast arrived a few days ago, and stands in my
bedroom. I think it very beautiful, and thank you so warmly for
having sent it me.

Poor Orchard, whose leg is very painful and swelled, is to go to
bed for a week for entire rest of the limb. You can imagine how
inconvenient this is, as we have only Emma and Kathrinchen for the
others and baby. You will be amused when I tell you that old
Amelung is coming to sleep with baby, and take charge of him; but
she is too old and out of practice to be able to wash and dress him
morning and evening besides, so I do that, and it is of course a
great assistance to all, my being able to do it, and I don’t mind
the trouble. Of a morning, as Louis is usually out riding or at his
office, I take Victoria and Ella out, who are very good little
girls and very amusing.

DARMSTADT, March 8th.

* * * We shall go to Potsdam the first week in May, and from there
go for a week or ten days to Fischbach. My mother-in-law, Tante
Mariechen, and Uncle Adalbert, are all going to spend my
mother-in-law’s birthday there.

The Moriers are going to England in the first days of April, and I
hope that you will see them. We see a good deal of them, and like
them both much. He is wonderfully clever and learned, and takes
interest in every thing; and she is very agreeable, and a most
satisfied, amiable disposition--always contented and amused.

March 19th

I thought of you so much on the 16th. From that day dated the
commencement of so much grief and sorrow; yet in those days you had
_one_, darling Mama, whose first thought and deepest was to comfort
and help you, and I saw and understood only then _how_ he watched
over you, and how and everywhere he sought to ward off all that was
painful and strange from you, and took all that pain alone for
himself for your sake! I see his dear face--so pale, and so full of
tears, when he led me to you early that morning after all was over
and said, “Comfort Mama,” as if those words were a _Vorbedeutung_
[presage] of what was to come. In those days I think he knew how
deep my love was for you, and that as long as I was left in my
home, my first and only thought should be you and you alone! This
I held as my holiest and dearest duty, until I had to leave you, my
beloved Mother, to form a home and family for myself, and new ties
which were to take up much of my heart and strength.

But that bond of love, though I can no more be near you, is as
strong as ever.

DARMSTADT, March 23d.

* * * Yesterday it was very warm, and to-day it snows; the weather
continues so changeable and many people are ill. Ella has again had
one of her bad attacks in her throat, but, thank God, it passed
away very soon. Two nights ago she could not speak--barely
breathe--and was so uncomfortable, poor child. It makes one so
anxious each time; but I hope she will outgrow it, when she is six
or seven years old.

Victoria is already now composing a letter for your birthday. I
won’t have her helped, because I should like you to see her own
ideas and style--it is much more amusing.

March 26th.

* * * We had such an unexpected pleasure the other day in the visit
of good General Seymour, and I was so pleased to see some one who
had seen you lately, and who could give me news of my home. He had
not been here since he came with us after our marriage, and was of
course interested in seeing every thing.

April 2d.

* * * The constant anxiety about the children is dreadful; and it
is not physical ill one dreads for them, it is moral: the
responsibility for these little lent souls is great, and, indeed,
none can take it lightly who feel how great and important a
parent’s duty is.

DARMSTADT, April 5th.

* * * Thousand thanks for your dear letter, and for all the tender
wishes for our dear child’s birthday! The child born under your
roof and your care is of course your particular one, and later, if
you wish to keep her at any time when we have been paying you a
visit, we shall gladly leave her.

Victoria is so delighted with what you sent her, and sends her very
warmest thanks and her tenderest love. She is in great beauty just
at present, as she is grown stouter; and I look with pleasure on
those two girls when they go out together. They possess, indeed,
all we could wish, and are full of promise. May the Almighty
protect them and give them a long life, to be of use and a joy to
their fellow-creatures!

April 16th.

* * * Rain and wind have at length cooled the air, for this heat
without any shade was too unpleasant. Louis left at five this
morning to inspect the garrison at Friedberg and Giessen, and then
to go to Alsfeld to shoot _Auerhähne_ [capercailzies]. He will
return on the 21st or 22d probably.

We shall indeed be so pleased, if later you wish to have any of the
granddaughters with you, to comply with any such wish, for I often
think so sadly for your dear sake, how lonely it must be when one
child after another grows up and leaves home; and even if they
remain, to have no children in the house is most dreary. Surely you
can never lack to have some from amongst the many grandchildren;
and there are none of us, who would not gladly have our children
live under the same roof where we passed such a happy childhood,
with such a loving Grandmama to take care of them.

April 25th.

* * * May I only know the way to give my children as much pleasure
and happiness as you have ever known to give me!

The dinner of family and suite is here in the house to-day--or
rather I should call it a luncheon, as it is at two o’clock.

The Irish Church question, I quite feel with you, will neither be
solved nor settled in this way; and instead of doing something
which would bring the Catholics more under the authority of the
State, they will, I fear, be the more powerful. It seems to me that
one injustice (with regard to the Protestants) is to be put in the
place of a former one, instead of doing justice to both, which
would not have been an impossibility through some well-considered
settlement and giving in on both sides. Such a _changement_
requires so much thought and wisdom, and, above all, impartiality.

May 3d.

* * * My children are, on the whole, very well behaved and
obedient, and, save by fits and starts, which don’t last long, very
manageable. I try to be very just and consistent in all things
toward them, but it is sometimes a great trial of patience, I own.
They are so forward, clever, and spirited, that the least spoiling
would do them great harm.

How glad I am that the dear Countess [Blücher] is with you again;
she is the pleasantest companion possible, and so dear and loving,
and she is devoted to you and dear Papa’s memory as never any one
was.

POTSDAM, May 25th.

How much we thought of you yesterday, I can’t say! Lord Augustus
Loftus lunched with us three and the elder children; and we drank
your health, the band playing “God Save the Queen!” All our girls
had wreaths of natural flowers in honor of the day.

POTSDAM, June 1st.

* * * To-day is regular March weather, and the palace is cold and
draughty.

We were in Berlin yesterday, to visit the Gewerbe-Museum
[Industrial Museum]; then luncheon at Lord Augustus Loftus’, and
from thence to the Victoria bazaar and Victoria Stift, and then
home.

It is always so tiring to see things at Berlin; an hour’s rail
there and the same back takes so much time. Before returning, we
paid a short visit to Baron Stockmar and his wife, who is very
pleasing, and seems to suit him perfectly. They look as if they had
always belonged to each other.

POTSDAM, June 13th.

Our time here is soon drawing to a close, much to my regret; for
the life with dear Vicky--so quiet and pleasant--reminds me in many
things of our life in England in former happy days, and so much
that we had Vicky has copied for her children. Yet we both always
say to each other, no children were so happy, and so spoiled with
all the enjoyments and comforts children can wish for, as we were;
and that we can never (of course, still less I) give our children
all that we had. I am sure dear Papa and you, if you could ever
hear how often, how tenderly, Vicky and I talk of our most beloved
parents, and how grateful we are for what they did for us, would in
some measure feel repaid for all the trouble we gave, and all the
anxiety we caused. I ever look back to my childhood and girlhood as
the happiest time of my life. The responsibilities, and often the
want of many a thing, in married life can never give unalloyed
happiness.

We are looking for a governess for the two elder girls for next
year, and a lady with the necessary knowledge and character, and
yet of a certain rank, is so difficult to find.

POTSDAM, June 19th.

Louis went two days ago to Fischbach for his mother’s birthday, and
returns to-morrow morning. Vicky was very low yesterday; she has
been so for the last week, and she told me much of what an awful
time she went through in 1866, when dear Siggie [Sigismund] died.
The little chapel is very peaceful and cheerful, and full of
flowers. We go there _en passant_ nearly daily, and it seems to
give dear Vicky pleasure to go there.

Vicky goes on the 7th of July to Norderney.

FISCHBACH SCHLESIEN, July 2d.

We arrived here in this exquisitely-lovely country two days ago,
and were received by our parents-in-law and Aunt Mariechen, whose
guests we are in the pretty old Castle of Fischbach, surrounded by
fine old trees, with a view on the beautiful Riesengebirge, which
reminds me a little of Scotland, and also of Switzerland. The
valleys are most lovely and the numberless wooded hills, before one
reaches the high mountains, are quite beautiful. The trees are
splendid and the country looks very rich and green.

All the people of the village and the neighborhood came out to see
us and our children, and old servants of Louis’ grandparents, who
were so delighted and pleased that I and my children should be
here, and that they should have lived to see the younger
generation.

We are out seeing the beautiful spots nearly all day long. The
weather is fine and not very warm, so that one can go about
comfortably. Yesterday we went over for tea to Erdmannsdorf. If
only dear Vicky and Fritz were there now! We must hope for another
year to be there together. The parting from them, who had made our
_séjour_ under their hospitable roof such a very happy one, was
very sad, and the pouring rain was in accordance with our feelings.
We left them and dear lovely Potsdam and the pleasant life there
with much regret, and many a blessing do I send back in thought to
its dear inmates.

Yesterday afternoon we were at Schmiedeberg. We went to see a very
interesting carpet-manufactory, worked by hand, and all by girls,
and a very simple process, much like making fringe, which you used
to do and then make footstools of after Beatrice’s birth.

Yesterday our wedding-day--already seven years ago--made me think
so much of Osborne, and of you, darling Mama, and of all that
passed during that time. It was a quiet wedding in a time of much
sorrow, and I often think how trying it must have been for you.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 21st.

Yesterday after eighteen hours’ very hot railway journey, we
arrived here all well. Many thanks for your letter, which I
received at Dresden. It was impossible to write, as I had to pay
visits and to see things during those two days.

The Crown Prince and Princess received us at the station; the
following day we paid our visits. I found Marie[93] in bed looking
very well, and her baby, tied up in a cushion, seemed a nice child.
Her other children are very pretty; the eldest girl is like George,
and the little one has a quantity of fair curls, like Louis of
Portugal’s boy. In the afternoon of that day the King and Queen
came to see us, and were very kind. She is very like the Queen
Dowager of Prussia, her twin sister, and her other sister, Queen
Marie, is very like her twin sister, Archduchess Sophie. As they
are first cousins, and very fond ones, of my father-in-law, they
consider themselves of course as our aunts.

I went to see the picture-gallery, which has some exquisite
pictures, though the Sistine Madonna surpasses all others, and the
famous Holbein, of which the Dresden gallery has been for long so
proud, is now recognized as a copy, and the one that belongs to my
mother-in-law as the original. We visited the _Grüne Gewöbel_ [the
Green Vaults], where the magnificent jewels and other treasures are
preserved, and the King was kind enough to lead us over the rest of
the castle himself, including his own rooms, in one of which the
life-size pictures of his last four daughters (all dead) stand, of
whom he cannot speak without tears. How dreadfully he and the poor
Queen must have suffered these last years!

Uncle Louis is at Friedberg and intends remaining there all next
month, till the manœuvres are over. Alice Morier will accompany me.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 25th.

Thousand thanks for your kind letter which I received yesterday, at
the same time that the beautiful christening present for Ernest
arrived! Thousand thanks for this most beautiful and precious gift
for our boy, from Louis and from myself! We are so pleased with it!
It is to be exhibited here, and it will interest and delight all
who see it, I am sure.

I have just received a letter from Bertie, announcing his arrival
here for the 28th. We shall be greatly pleased to see them all; but
we have so little room, and our house in town is all shut up and
under repair, so that we shall have some trouble to make them
comfortable and shall be quite unable to do it as we should wish.
But I trust they will be lenient and put up with what we can offer.

The heat is very great, though this place is comparatively cool.

KRANICHSTEIN, July 29th.

Dear Bertie and Alix with their children arrived at Darmstadt after
ten, and we brought them here by eleven o’clock last night. They
are all looking well, but Bertie has shaved off his beard, which
does not suit him. Dear Alix is unchanged, and certainly no fatter.

The children are very dear and pretty, but my boy is as tall as
little Louise, and of course much bigger. I am so delighted to see
them all again; it is such a great pleasure, as you can well
imagine.

The pony you kindly sent us has just arrived, and to the great
delight of all the children, who send their best thanks. We are all
lodged very close together: Bertie and Alix, our bedroom and my
dressing-room; we both, my sitting-room, and the passage-room; then
come the different children. No gentlemen or ladies are in the
house, as it was utterly impossible.

KRANICHSTEIN, August 11th.

* * * Victoria has often ridden on Dred, and also the other girls,
on a Spanish saddle, and he goes very well. They delight in him.
Baby rolls about the room anywhere now, and tries to crawl
properly. He calls Papa, and tries no end of things; he is very
forward, and is now cutting his fifth tooth, which is all but
through.

FRIEDBERG, August 26th.

On this dear day I must send you a few words. The weather is so
beautiful, and the sun so bright, as it used to be at Osborne in
former years. I don’t care for the sun to shine on this day now, as
it can’t shine on Him whose day it was. It makes one too
_wehmüthig_ to think of darling Papa on those happy birthdays, and
it must be more so for you than for any of us, poor Mama.

Yesterday was Ludwigstag; all the town decorated with flags,
illuminations, etc., and English flags and arms with the Hessian
everywhere.

We started on horseback along the high road at half-past seven this
morning, and did not get off till one. A lovely country and very
interesting to see. To-morrow we shall have a very long march, and
the night Alice Morier, I and William (Louis is undecided) will
spend at Prince Ysenburg’s at Büdingen. The next morning we have to
ride off at half-past five, and a long day back here.

KRANICHSTEIN, September 11th.

* * * What charming expeditions you must have made in that lovely
country?[94] What I saw of it some years ago I admired so
intensely. You can well be proud of all the beauties of the
Highlands, which have so entirely their own stamp, that no Alpine
scenery, however grand, can lessen one’s appreciation for that of
Scotland.

The day before yesterday we went to Mayence to see a
“_Gewerbe-Ausstellung_” [Industrial Exhibition] of the town, which
was very good and tastefully arranged. From there we went to
Frankfort to our palace, for a rendezvous with Aunt Cambridge,
Uncle George, Augusta and Fritz Strelitz. I showed them the
children, and afterwards, when our relations left, we took our
children to the Zoölogical Garden, which delighted them.

Many thanks for the grouse, which has just arrived, the first since
two years ago!

DARMSTADT, October 3d.

* * * I am very glad that you also approve of Louis’ journey, which
I know will be so useful and interesting for him, though it was not
possible to attain this without parting from each other, which is,
of course, no small trial for us, who are so unaccustomed to being
separated. But we never thought of that when we considered the plan
of Louis joining Fritz, which was my idea, as travelling in new
countries is so good for a man, and Louis may never find so good a
chance again. I am looking forward very much to seeing
Geneva--where we spend a day--and the south of France, and above
all, seeing the sea again. Fritz passes through here to-morrow.
Louis starts Saturday morning, _viâ_ Munich, for Venice, where he
will join Fritz next Sunday afternoon, and spend the following
Monday there before they go to Brindisi. Vicky comes here with her
children on the 12th or 13th, and a suite of twenty-five people.
She goes on with the big boys to Baden, and I follow with the other
children on the following day. I don’t like separating Victoria
and Ella, who like being together; the three girls will be so well
taken care of at their grandparents’. I have written down rules for
meals, going out, to bed, to lessons, etc.; and my mother-in-law,
who never interferes, will see that all is carried out as I wish. I
shall miss them so much, but having one child at least is a
comfort; and baby is beginning to talk, and is so funny and dear,
and so fond of me that he will be company to me when I am alone. I
take no one but Orchard, Eliza, Beck, and my _Haushofmeister_
[Steward], who used to be with Lord Granville.

DARMSTADT, October 11th.