Chapter XIII: Part 13

This learned way of talking, though, for the most part, it is done merely out of ostentation: yet, sometimes (which makes not the case much better), it is done in compliment and civility to the all-wise Patron, or all-understanding Justice of the Peace in the parish; who, by the common farmers of the town, must be thought to understand the most intricate notions, and the most difficult languages.

Now, what an admirable thing this is! Suppose there should be one or so, in the whole church, that understands somewhat besides English: shall I not think that he understands that better? Must I (out of courtship to his Worship and Understanding; and because, perhaps, I am to dine with him) prate abundance of such stuff, which, I must needs know, nobody understands, or that will be the better for it but himself, and perhaps scarcely he?

This, I say, because I certainly know several of that disposition: who, if they chance to have a man of any learning or understanding more than the rest in the parish, preach wholly at him! and level most of their discourses at his supposed capacity; and the rest of the good people shall have only a handsome gaze or view of the parson! As if plain words, useful and intelligible instructions were not as good for an Esquire, or one that is in Commission from the King, as for him that holds the plough or mends hedges.

Certainly he that considers the design of his Office, and has a conscience answerable to that holy undertaking, must needs conceive himself engaged, not only to mind this or that accomplished or well-dressed person, but must have a universal care and regard of all his parish. And as he must think himself bound, not only to visit down beds and silken curtains, but also flocks and straw [_mattresses_], if there be need: so ought his care to be as large to instruct the poor, the weak, and despicable part of his parish, as those that sit in the best pews. He that does otherwise, thinks not at all of a man's soul: but only accommodates himself to fine clothes, an abundance of ribbons, and the highest seat in the church; not thinking that it will be as much to his reward in the next worlds by sober advice, care, and instruction, to have saved one that takes collection [_alms_] as him that is able to relieve half the town. It is very plain that neither our Saviour, when he was upon earth and taught the World, made any such distinction in his discourses. What is more intelligible to all mankind than his _Sermon upon the Mount_! Neither did the Apostles think of any such way. I wonder, whom they take for a pattern!

I will suppose once again, that the design of these persons is to gain glory: and I shall ask them, Can there be any greater in the world, than doing general good? To omit future reward, Was it not always esteemed of old, that correcting evil practices, reducing people that lived amiss, was much better than making a high rant about a shuttlecock, and talking _tara-tantara_ about a feather? Or if they would be only admired, then would I gladly have them consider, What a thin and delicate kind of admiration is likely to be produced, by that which is not at all understood? Certainly, that man has a design of building up to himself real fame in good earnest, by things well laid and spoken: his way to effect it is not by talking staringly, and casting a mist before the people's eyes; but by offering such things by which he may be esteemed, with knowledge and understanding.

Thus far concerning Hard Words, High Notions, and Unprofitable Quotations out of learned languages.

I shall now consider such things _as are ridiculous_, that serve for chimney and market talk, after the sermon be done; and that do cause, more immediately, the preacher to be scorned and undervalued.

I have no reason, Sir, to go about to determine what style or method is best for the improvement and advantage of _all_ people. For, I question not but there have been as many several sorts of Preachers as Orators; and though very different, yet useful and commendable in their kind. TULLY takes very deservedly with many, SENECA with others, and CATO, no question! said things wisely and well. So, doubtless, the same place of Scripture may by several, be variously considered: and although their method and style be altogether different, yet they may all speak things very convenient for the people to know and be advised of. But yet, certainly, what is most undoubtedly useless and empty, or what is judged absolutely ridiculous, not by this or that curious or squeamish auditor, but by every man in the Corporation that understands but plain English and common sense, ought to be avoided. For all people are naturally born with such a judgement of true and allowable Rhetoric, that is, of what is decorous and convenient to be spoken, that whatever is grossly otherwise is usually ungrateful, not only to the wise and skilful part of the congregation, but shall seem also ridiculous to the very unlearned tradesmen [_mechanics_] and their young apprentices. Amongst which, may be chiefly reckoned these following, _harsh Metaphors, childish Similitudes_, and _ill-applied Tales_.

The first main thing, I say, that makes many sermons so ridicuous, and the preachers of them so much disparaged and undervalued, is _an inconsiderate use of frightful Metaphors_: which making such a remarkable impression upon the ears, and leaving such a jarring twang behind them, are oftentimes remembered to the discredit of the Minister as long as he continues in the parish.

I have heard the very children in the streets, and the little boys close about the fire, refresh themselves strangely but with the repetition of a few of such far-fetched and odd sounding expressions. TULLY, therefore, and CAESAR, the two greatest masters of Roman eloquence, were very wary and sparing of that sort of Rhetoric. We may read many a page in their works before we meet with any of those bears; and if you do light upon one or so, it shall not make your hair stand right up! or put you into a fit of convulsions! but it shall be so soft, significant, and familiar, as if it were made for the very purpose.

But as for the common sort of people that are addicted to this sort of expression in their discourses; away presently to both the Indies! rake heaven and earth! down to the bottom of the sea! then tumble over all Arts and Sciences! ransack all shops and warehouses! spare neither camp nor city, but that they will have them! So fond are such deceived ones of these same gay words, that they count all discourses empty, dull, and cloudy; unless bespangled with these glitterings. Nay, so injudicious and impudent together will they sometimes be, that the Almighty Himself is often in danger of being dishonoured by these indiscreet and horrid Metaphor-mongers. And when they thus blaspheme the God of Heaven by such unhallowed expressions; to make amends, they will put you in an "As it were" forsooth! or "As I may so say," that is, they will make bold to speak what they please concerning GOD Himself, rather than omit what they judge, though never so falsely, to be witty. And then they come in hobbling with their lame submission, and with their "reverence be it spoken": as if it were not much better to leave out what they foresee is likely to be interpreted for blasphemy, or at least great extravagancy; than to utter that, for which their own reason and conscience tell them, they are bound to lay in beforehand an excuse.

To which may be further subjoined, that Metaphors, though very apt and allowable, are intelligible but to some sorts of men, of this or that kind of life, of this or that profession.

For example, perhaps one Gentleman's metaphorical knack of preaching comes of the sea; and then we shall hear of nothing but "starboard" and "larboard," of "stems," "sterns," and "forecastles," and such salt-water language: so that one had need take a voyage to Smyrna or Aleppo, and very warily attend to all the sailors' terms, before I shall in the least understand my teacher. Now, though such a sermon may possibly do some good in a coast town; yet upward into the country, in an inland parish, it will do no more than Syriac or Arabic.

Another, he falls a fighting with his text, and makes a pitched battle of it, dividing it into the Right Wing and Left Wing; then he _rears_ it! _flanks_ it! _intrenches_ it! _storms_ it! and then he _musters_ all again! to see what word was lost or lamed in the skirmish: and so falling on again, with fresh valour, he fights backward and forward! charges through and through! routs! kills! takes! and then, "Gentlemen! as you were!" Now to such of his parish as have been in the late wars, this is not very formidable; for they do but suppose themselves at Edgehill or Naseby, and they are not much scared at his doctrine: but as for others, who have not had such fighting opportunities, it is very lamentable to consider how shivering they sit without understanding, till the battle be over!

Like instance might be easily given of many more discourses, the metaphorical phrasing whereof, depending upon peculiar arts, customs, trades, and professions, makes them useful and intelligible only to such, who have been very well busied in such like employments.

Another thing, Sir, that brings great disrespect and mischief upon the Clergy, and that differs not much from what went immediately before, is their _packing their sermons so full of Similitudes_; which, all the World knows, carry with them but very small force of argument, unless there be _an exact agreement with that which is compared_, of which there is very seldom any sufficient care taken.

Besides, those that are addicted to this slender way of discourse, for the most part, do so weaken and enfeeble their judgement, by contenting themselves to understand by colours, features, and glimpses; that they perfectly omit all the more profitable searching into the nature and causes of things themselves. By which means, it necessarily comes to pass, that what they undertake to prove and clear out to the Congregation, must needs be so faintly done, and with such little force of argument, that the conviction or persuasion will last no longer in the parishioners' minds, than the warmth of those similitudes shall glow in their fancy. So that he that has either been instructed in some part of his duty, or excited to the performance of the same, not by any judicious dependence of things, and lasting reason; but by such faint and toyish evidence: his understanding, upon all occasions, will be as apt to be misled as ever, and his affections as troublesome and ungovernable.

But they are not so Unserviceable, as, usually, they are Ridiculous. For people of the weakest parts are most commonly overborn with these fooleries; which, together with the great difficulty of their being prudently managed, must needs occasion them, for the most part, to be very trifling and childish.

Especially, if we consider the choiceness of the authors out of which they are furnished. There is the never-to-be-commended-enough LYCOSTHENES. There is also the admirable piece [by FRANCIS MERES] called the _Second Part of Wits Commonwealth_ [1598]: I pray mind it! it is the _Second Part_, and not the _First_! And there is, besides, a book wholly consisting of Similitudes [? JOHN SPENCER's _Things New and Old, or a Storehouse of Similies, Sentences, Allegories, &c._, 1658] applied and ready fitted to most preaching subjects, for the help of young beginners, who sometimes will not make them hit handsomely.

It is very well known that such as are possessed with an admiration of such eloquence, think that they are very much encouraged in their way by the Scripture itself. "For," say they, "did not our blessed Saviour himself use many metaphors and many parables? and did not his disciples, following his so excellent an example, do the like? And is not this, not only warrant enough, but near upon a command to us so to do?"

If you please, therefore, we will see what our Saviour does in this case. In _St. Matthew_ he tells his disciples, that "they are the salt of the earth," that "they are the light of the world," that "they are a city set on a hill." Furthermore, he tells his Apostles, that "he sends them forth as sheep in the midst of wolves;" and bids them therefore "be as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." Now, are not all these things plain and familiar, even almost to children themselves, that can but taste and see; and to men of the lowest education and meanest capacities!

I shall not here insist upon those special and admirable reasons for which our Saviour made use of so many parables. Only thus much is needful to be said, namely, that they are very much mistaken, that, from hence, think themselves tolerated to turn all the world into frivolous and abominable similitudes.

As for our Saviour, when he spoke a parable, he was pleased to go no further than the fields, the seashore, a garden, a vineyard, or the like; which are things, without the knowledge whereof, scarcely any man can be supposed to live in this world.

But as for our Metaphorical- and Similitude-Men of the Pulpit, these things to them, are too still and languid! they do not rattle and rumble! These lie too near home, and within vulgar ken! There is little on this side the moon that will content them! Up, presently, to the _Primum Mobile_, and the Trepidation of the Firmament! Dive into the bowels and hid treasures of the earth! Despatch forthwith, for Peru and Jamaica! A town bred or country bred similitude is worth nothing!

"It is reported of a tree growing upon the bank of Euphrates, the
great river Euphrates! that it brings forth an Apple, to the eye
very fair and tempting; but inwardly it is filled with nothing
but useless and deceiving dust. Even so, dust we are; and to dust
we must all go!"

Now, what a lucky discovery was this, that a man's Body should be so exactly like an Apple! And, I will assure you that this was not thought on, till within these few years!

And I am afraid, too, he had a kind of a hint of this, from another who had formerly found out that a man's

Soul was like an Oyster. For, says he in his prayer, "Our souls
are constantly gaping after thee, O LORD! yea, verily, our souls
do gape, even as an oyster gapeth!"

It seems pretty hard, at first sight, to bring into a sermon all the Circles of the Globe and all the frightful terms of Astronomy; but I will assure you, Sir, it is to be done! because it has been. But not by every bungler and ordinary text-divider; but by a man of great cunning and experience.

There is a place in the prophet _Malachi_, where it will do very
nicely, and that is chapter iv. ver. 2, "But unto you, that fear
my Name, shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in his
wings." From which words, in the first place, it plainly appears
that our Saviour passed through all the twelve signs of the
Zodiac; and more than that too, all proved by very apt and
familiar places of Scripture.

First, then, our Saviour was in _Aries_. Or else, what means that
of the Psalmist, "The mountains skipped like rams, and the little
hills like lambs!"? And again, that in Second of the _Kings_,
chap. iii. ver. 4, "And MESHA, King of Moab, was a sheep master,
and rendered unto the King of Israel an hundred thousand lambs,"
and what follows, "and an hundred thousand rams, with the wool!"
Mind it! it was the King of Israel!

In like manner, was he in _Taurus. Psalm_ xxii. 12. "Many bulls
have compassed me! Strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round!"
They were not ordinary bulls. They were _compassing_ bulls! they
were _besetting_ bulls! they were _strong Bashan_ bulls!

What need I speak of _Gemini_? Surely you cannot but remember
ESAU and JACOB! _Genesis_ xxv. 24. "And when her days to be
delivered were fulfilled, behold there were Twins in her womb!"

Or of _Cancer_? when, as the Psalmist says so plainly, "What
ailed thee, O thou sea, that thou fleddest? thou Jordan! that
thou wast driven back?" Nothing more plain!

It were as easy to shew the like in all the rest of the Signs.

But instead of that, I shall rather choose to make this one
practical Observation. That the mercy of GOD to mankind in
sending His Son into the world, was a very _signal_ mercy. It was
a _zodiacal_ mercy! I say it was truly zodiacal; for CHRIST keeps
within the Tropics! He goes not out of the Pale of the Church;
but yet he is not always at the same distance from a believer.
Sometimes he withdraws himself into the _apogaeum_ of doubt,
sorrow, and despair; but then he comes again into the _perigaeum_
of joy, content, and assurance; but as for heathens and
unbelievers, they are all arctic and antarctic reprobates!

Now when such stuff as this, as sometimes it is, is vented in a poor parish, where people can scarce tell, what day of the month it is by the Almanack? how seasonable and savoury it is likely to be!

It seems also not very easy for a man in his sermon to learn [_teach_] his parishioners how to dissolve gold, of what, and how the stuff is made. Now, to ring the bells and call the people on purpose together, would be but a blunt business; but to do it neatly, and when nobody looked for it, that is the rarity and art of it!

Suppose, then, that he takes for his text that of _St. Matthew_,

"Repent ye, for the Kingdom of GOD is at hand." Now, tell me,
Sir, do you not perceive the gold to be in a dismal fear! to curl
and quiver at the first reading of these words! It must come in
thus, "The blots and blurs of our sins must be taken out by the
_aqua-fortis_ of our tears; to which _aqua-fortis_, if you put a
fifth part of _sal-ammoniac_, and set them in a gentle heat, it
makes _aqua-regia_ which dissolves gold."

And now it is out! Wonderful are the things that are to be done by the help of metaphors and similitudes! And I will undertake that, with a little more pains and considerations, out of the very same words, he could have taught the people how to make custards, or marmalade, or to stew prunes!

But, pray, why "the _aqua-fortis_ of tears?" For if it so falls out that there should chance to be neither Apothecary, nor Druggist at church, there is an excellent jest wholly lost!

Now had he been so considerate as to have laid his wit in some more common and intelligible material; for example, had he said the "blots of sin" will be easily taken out "by the soap of sorrow, and the fullers-earth of contrition," then possibly the Parson and the parish might all have admired one another. For there be many a good-wife that understands very well all the intrigues of pepper, salt, and vinegar, who knows not anything of the all-powerfulness of _aqua-fortis_, how that it is such a spot-removing liquor!

I cannot but consider with what understanding the people sighed and cried, when the Minister made for them this metaphysical confession:

"Omnipotent All! Thou art only! Because Thou art all, and because
Thou only art! As for us, we are not; but we seem to be! and only
seem to be, because we are not! for we be but Mites of Entity,
and Crumbs of Something!" and so on.

As if a company of country people were bound to understand SUAREZ, and all the School Divines!

And as some are very high and learned in their attempts; so others there be, who are of somewhat too mean and dirty imagination.

Such was he, who goes by the name of Parson SLIPSTOCKING. Who preaching about the grace and assistance of GOD, and that of ourselves we are able to do nothing, advised his "beloved" to take him this plain similitude.

"A father calls his child to him, saying, 'Child, pull off this
stocking!' The child, mightily joyful that it should pull off
father's stocking, takes hold of the stocking, and tugs! and
pulls! and sweats! but to no purpose: for stocking stirs not, for
it is but a child that pulls! Then the father bids the child to
rest a little, and try again. So then the child sets on again,
tugs again; but no stocking comes: for child is but a child! Then
the father taking pity upon his child, puts his hand behind and
slips down the stocking; and off comes the stocking! Then how
does the child rejoice! for child hath pulled off father's
stocking, Alas, poor child! it was not child's strength, it was
not child's sweating that got off the stocking; but yet it was
the father's hand that slipped down the stocking. Even so--"

Not much unlike to this, was he that, preaching about the Sacrament and Faith, makes CHRIST a shopkeeper; telling you that "CHRIST is a Treasury of all wares and commodities," and thereupon, opening his wide throat, cries aloud,

"Good people! what do you lack? What do you buy? Will you buy any
balm of Gilead? any eye salve? any myrrh, aloes, or cassia? Shall
I fit you with a robe of Righteousness, or with a white garment?
See here! What is it you want? Here is a choice armoury! Shall I
shew you a helmet of Salvation, a shield, or breastplate of
Faith? or will you please to walk in and see some precious
stones? a jasper, a sapphire, a chalcedony? Speak, what do you
buy?"

Now, for my part, I must needs say (and I much fancy I speak the mind of thousands) that it had been much better for such an imprudent and ridiculous bawler as this, to have been condemned to have cried oysters or brooms, than to discredit, after this unsanctified rate, his Profession and our Religion.

It would be an endless thing, Sir, to count up to you all the follies, for a hundred years last past, that have been preached and printed of this kind. But yet I cannot omit that of the famous Divine in his time, who, advising the people in days of danger to run unto the LORD, tells them that "they cannot go to the LORD, much less run, without feet;" that "there be therefore two feet to run to the LORD, Faith and Prayer."

"It is plain that Faith is a foot, for, 'by Faith we stand,' 2
_Cor_. i. 24; therefore by Faith, we must run to the LORD who is
faithful.

"The second is Prayer, a spiritual Leg to bear us thither. Now
that Prayer is a spiritual Leg appears from several places in
Scripture, as from that of JONAH speaking of _coming_, chap. ii.
ver. 7, 'And my prayer _came_ unto thy holy temple.' And likewise
from that of the Apostle who says, _Heb_. iv. 16, 'Let us
therefore _go_ unto the throne of grace.' Both intimating that
Prayer is a spiritual Leg: there being no _coming_ or _going_ to
the LORD without the Leg of Prayer."

He further adds, "Now that these feet may be able to bear us
thither, we must put on the Hose [_stockings_] of Faith; for the
Apostle says, 'Our feet must be shod with the preparation of the
Gospel of Peace.'"

The truth of it is, the Author is somewhat obscure: for, at first, Faith was a Foot, and by-and-by it is a Hose, and at last it proves a Shoe! If he had pleased, he could have made it anything!

Neither can I let pass that of a later Author; who telling us, "It is Goodness by which we must ascend to heaven," and that "Goodness is the Milky Way to JUPITER's Palace"; could not rest there, but must tell us further, that "to strengthen us in our journey, we must not take morning milk, but some morning meditations:" fearing, I suppose, lest some people should mistake, and think to go to heaven by eating now and then a mess of morning milk, because the way was "milky."

Neither ought that to be omitted, not long since printed upon those words of St. JOHN, "These things write I unto you, that ye sin not."

The Observation is that "it is the purpose of Scripture to drive
men from sin. These Scriptures contain Doctrines, Precepts,
Promises, Threatenings, and Histories. Now," says he, "take these
five smooth stones, and put them into the Scrip of the heart, and
throw them with the Sling of faith, by the Hand of a strong
resolution, against the Forehead of sin: and we shall see it,
like GOLIATH, fall before us."

But I shall not trouble you any further upon this subject: but, if you have a mind to hear any more of this stuff, I shall refer you to the learned and judicious Author of the _Friendly Debates_ [_i.e._, SIMON PATRICK, afterwards Bishop of ELY, who wrote _A Friendly Debate between a Conformist and a Nonconformist_, in two parts, 1669]: who, particularly, has at large discovered the intolerable fooleries of this way of talking.

I shall only add thus much, that such as go about to fetch blood into their pale and lean discourses, by the help of their brisk and sparkling similitudes, ought well to consider, Whether their similitudes be true?

I am confident, Sir, you have heard it, many and many a time, or, if need be, I can shew you it in a book, that when the preacher happens to talk how that the things here below will not satisfy the mind of man; then comes in, "the round world which cannot fill the triangular heart of man!" whereas every butcher knows that the heart is no more triangular than an ordinary pear, or a child's top. But because _triangular_ is a hard word, and perhaps a jest! therefore people have stolen it one from another, these two or three hundred years; and, for aught I know, much longer! for I cannot direct to the first inventor of the fancy.

In like manner, they are to consider, What things, either in the heavens or belonging to the earth, have been found out, by experience, to contradict what has been formerly allowed of?

Thus, because some ancient astronomers had observed that both the distances as well as the revolutions of the planets were in some proportion or harmony one to another: therefore people that abounded with more imagination than skill, presently fancied the Moon, Mercury, and Venus to be a kind of violins or trebles to Jupiter or Saturn; that the Sun and Mars supplied the room of tenors, and the _Primum Mobile_ running Division all the tune. So that one could scarce hear a sermon, but they must give you a touch of "the Harmony of the Spheres."

Thus, Sir, you shall have them take that of St. PAUL, about "faith, hope, and charity." And instead of a sober instructing of the people in those eminent and excellent graces, they shall only ring you over a few changes upon the three words; crying, "Faith! Hope! and Charity!" "Hope! Faith! and Charity!" and so on: and when they have done their peal, they shall tell you that "this is much better than the Harmony of the Spheres!"

At other times, I have heard a long chiming only between two words; as suppose Divinity and Philosophy, or Revelation and Reason. Setting forth with Revelation first. "Revelation is a Lady; Reason, an Handmaid! Revelation is the Esquire; Reason, the Page! Revelation is the Sun; Reason, but the Moon! Revelation is Manna; Reason is but an acorn! Revelation, a wedge of gold; Reason, a small piece of silver!"

Then, by and by, Reason gets it, and leads it away, "Reason indeed is very good, but Revelation is much better! Reason is a Councillor, but Revelation is the Lawgiver! Reason is a candle, but Revelation is the snuffer!"

Certainly, those people are possessed with a very great degree of dulness, who living under the means of such enlightening preaching, should not be mightily settled in the right notion and true bounds of Faith and Reason.

No less ably, methought, was the difference between the Old Covenant and the New, lately determined. "The Old Covenant was of Works; the New Covenant, of Faith. The Old Covenant was by MOSES; The New, by CHRIST. The Old was heretofore; the New, afterwards. The Old was first; the New was second. Old things are passed away: behold, all things are become new." And so the business was very fundamentally done.

I shall say no more upon this subject, but this one thing, which relates to what was said a little before. He that has got a set of similitudes calculated according to the old philosophy, and PTOLEMY's system of the world, must burn his commonplace book, and go a-gleaning for new ones; it being, nowadays, much more gentle and warrantable to take a similitude from the Man in the Moon than from _solid_ orbs: for though few people do absolutely believe that there is any such Eminent Person there; yet the thing is possible, whereas the other is not.

I have now done, Sir, with that imprudent way of speaking by Metaphor and Simile. There are many other things commonly spoken out of the pulpit, that are much to the disadvantage and discredit of the Clergy; that ought also to be briefly hinted. And that I may the better light upon them, I shall observe their _common method of Preaching_.

[1.] Before the text be divided, a _Preface_ is to be made.

And it is a great chance if, first of all, the Minister does not make his text to be _like something or other_.

For example. One, he tells you, "And now, methinks, my Text, like an ingenious [_clever_] Picture, looks upon all here present: in which, both nobles and people, may behold their sin and danger represented." This was a text out of _Hosea_. Now, had it been out of any other place of the _Bible_; the gentleman was sufficiently resolved to make it like "an ingenious Picture."

Another taking, perhaps, the very same words, says, "I might compare my Text to the mountains of Bether, where the LORD disports Himself like a young hart or a pleasant roe among the spices."

Another man's Text is "like the rod of MOSES, to divide the waves of sorrow"; or "like the mantle of ELIJAH, to restrain the swelling floods of grief."

Another gets to his Text thus, "As SOLOMON went up six steps to come to the great Throne of Ivory, so must I ascend six degrees to come to the high top-meaning of my Text."

Another thus, "As DEBORAH arose, and went with BARAK to Kadesh; so, if you will go with him, and call in the third verse of the chapters he will shew you the meaning of his Text."

Another, he fancies his Text to be extraordinarily like to "an orchard of pomegranates;" or like "St. MATTHEW sitting at the receipt of custom;" or like "the dove that NOAH sent out of the Ark."

I believe there are above forty places of Scripture, that have been "like RACHEL and LEAH": and there is one in _Genesis_, as I well remember, that is "like a pair of compasses stradling." And, if I be not much mistaken, there is one, somewhere else, that is "like a man going to Jericho."

Now, Sir, having thus made the way to the Text as smooth and plain as anything, with a _Preface_, perhaps from ADAM, though his business lie at the other end of the _Bible_: in the next place; [2] he comes to _divide the Text_.

_Hic labor, hoc opus
Per varios casus, per tot discrimina rerum,
Silvestrem tenui_.

Now, come off the gloves! and the hands being well chafed [_rubbed together_]; he shrinks up his shoulders, and stretches forth himself as if he were going to cleave a bullock's head, or rive the body of an oak!

But we must observe, that there is a great difference of Texts. For all Texts come not asunder alike! For sometimes the words naturally _fall_ asunder! sometimes they _drop_ asunder! sometimes they _melt_! sometimes they _untwist_! and there be some words so willing to be parted that they _divide themselves_! to the great ease and rejoicing of the Minister.

But if they will not easily come to pieces, then he falls to hacking and hewing! as if he would make all fly into shivers! The truth of it is, I have known, now and then, some knotty Texts, that have been divided seven or eight times over! before they could make them _split_ handsomely, according to their mind.

But then comes the Joy of Joys! when the Parts jingle! or begin with the same Letter! and especially if in Latin.

O how it tickled the Divider! when he got his Text into those two excellent branches, _Accusatio vera: Comminatio severa_: "A Charge full of Verity: A Discharge of Severity." And, I will warrant you! that did not please a little, viz., "there are in the words, _duplex miraculum; Miraculum in modo_ and _Miraculum in nodo_."

But the luckiest I have met withal, both for Wit and Keeping of the Letter, is upon these words of _St. Matthew_ xii. 43, 44, 45: "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest and finding none. Then he saith I will return," &c.

In which words, all these strange things were found out. First, there was a _Captain_ and a _Castle_. (Do you see. Sir, the same letter!) Then, there was an _ingress_, an _egress_; and a _regress_ or _reingress_. Then, there was _unroosting_ and _unresting_. Then, there were _number_ and _name, manner_ and _measure, trouble_ and _trial, resolution_ and _revolution, assaults_ and _assassination, voidness_ and _vacuity_. This was done at the same time, by the same man! But, to confess the truth of it! it was a good long Text; and so, he had the greater advantage.

But for a short Text, that, certainly, was the greatest _break_ that ever was! which was occasioned from those words of _St. Luke_ xxiii. 28, "Weep not for me, weep for yourselves!" or as some read it, "but weep for yourselves!"

It is a plain case, Sir! Here are but eight words; and the business was cunningly ordered, that there sprang out eight Parts. "Here are," says the Doctor, "eight Words, and eight Parts!

"1. Weep not! 2. But weep! 3. Weep not, but weep! 4. Weep for me! 5. For yourselves! 6. For me, for yourselves! 7. Weep not for me! 8. But weep for yourselves!

"That is to say, North, North-and-by-East, North-North-East, North-East and by North, North-East, North-East and by East, East-North-East, East and by North, East."

Now, it seems not very easy to determine, who has obliged the world most; he that found out the Compass, or he that divided the fore-mentioned Text? But I suppose the cracks [_claps_] will go generally upon the Doctor's side! by reason what he did, was done by undoubted Art and absolute industry: but as for the other, the common report is that it was found out by mere foolish fortune. Well, let it go how it will! questionless, they will be both famous in their way, and honourably mentioned to posterity.

Neither ought he to be altogether slighted, who taking that of _Genesis_ xlviii. 2 for his text; viz., "And one told JACOB, and said, 'Behold, thy son JOSEPH cometh unto thee!'" presently perceived, and made it out to his people, that his Text was "a spiritual Dial."

"For," says he, "here be in my Text, twelve words, which do
plainly represent the twelve hours. _And one told JACOB, and
said, 'Thy son JOSEPH cometh unto thee!'_ And here is, besides,
_Behold_, which is the Hand of the Dial, that turns and points at
every word of the Text. _And one told JACOB, and said, 'Behold,
thy son JOSEPH cometh unto thee!'_ For it is not said, _Behold
JACOB!_ or _Behold JOSEPH!_ but it is, _And one told JACOB, and
said, Behold, thy son JOSEPH cometh unto thee_. That it is say,
Behold _And_, Behold _one_, Behold _told_, Behold _JACOB_. Again
Behold _and_, Behold _said_, and also Behold _Behold_, &c. Which
is the reason that this word _Behold_ is placed in the middle of
the other twelve words, indifferently pointing to each word.

"Now, as it needs must be One of the Clock before it can be Two
or Three; so I shall handle this word _And_, the first word of
the Text, before I meddle with the following.

"And _one told JACOB_. The word _And_ is but a particle, and a
small one: but small things are not to be despised. _St. Matthew_
xviii. 10, _Take heed that you despise not one of these little
ones_. For this _And_ is as the tacks and loops amongst the
curtains of the Tabernacle. The tacks put into the loops did
couple the curtains of the Tent and sew the Tent together: so
this particle _And_ being put into the loops of the words
immediately before the Text, does couple the Text to the
foregoing verse, and sews them close together."

I shall not trouble you, Sir, with the rest: being much after this witty rate, and to as much purpose.

But we will go on, if you please, Sir! to [3] the cunning _Observations, Doctrines, and Inferences_ that are commonly made and raised from places of Scripture.

One takes that for his Text, _Psalm_ lxviii. 3, _But let the righteous be glad_. From whence, he raises this doctrine, that "there is a Spirit of Singularity in the Saints of GOD: but let the righteous--" a doctrine, I will warrant him! of his own raising; it being not very easy for anybody to prevent him!

Another, he takes that of _Isaiah_ xli. 14, 15, _Fear not, thou worm JACOB_! &c.... _thou shalt thresh the mountains._ Whence he observes that "the worm JACOB was a threshing worm!"

Another, that of _Genesis_ xliv. 1. _And he commanded the Steward of the house, saying, Fill the men's sacks with food, as much as they can carry_: and makes this note from the words.

That "great sacks and many sacks will hold more than few sacks
and little ones. For look," says he, "how they came prepared with
sacks and beasts, so they were sent back with corn! The greater,
and the more sacks they had prepared, the more corn they carry
away! if they had prepared but small sacks, and a few; they had
carried away the less!"

Verily, and indeed extraordinarily true!

Another, he falls upon that of _Isaiah_ lviii. 5, _Is it such a fast that I have chosen? A day for a man to afflict his soul? Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush?_ The Observation is that "Repentance for an hour, or a day, is not worth a bulrush!" And, there, I think, he hit the business!

But of these, Sir, I can shew you a whole book full, in a treatise called _Flames and Discoveries_, consisting of very notable and extraordinary things which the inquisitive Author had privately observed and discovered, upon reading the Evangelists; as for example:

Upon reading that of _St. John_, chapter ii. verse 15, _And when
he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of
the Temple_; this prying Divine makes these discoveries, "I
discover," says he, "in the first place, that in the Church or
Temple, a scourge may be made, _And when he had made a scourge_.
Secondly, that it may be made use of, _he drove them all out of
the Temple_." And it was a great chance that he had not
discovered a third thing; and that is, that the scourge was made,
before it was made use of.

Upon _Matthew_ iv. 25, _And there followed him great multitudes
of people from Galilee_, "I discover," says he, "when JESUS
prevails with us, we shall soon leave our Galilees! I discover
also," says he, "a great miracle, viz.: that the way after JESUS
being straight, that such a multitude should follow him."

_Matthew_ v. 1. _And seeing the multitude, he went up into a
mountain_. Upon this, he discovers several very remarkable things.
First, he discovers that "CHRIST went _from the multitude_."
Secondly, that "it is safe to take warning at our eyes, for _seeing
the multitude, he went up_." Thirdly, "it is not fit to be always
upon the plains and flats with the multitude: but, _if we be risen
with CHRIST, to seek those things that are above_."

He discovers also very strange things, from the latter part of
the fore-mentioned verse. _And when he was set, his disciples
came unto him_. 1. CHRIST is not always in motion, _And when he
was set_. 2. He walks not on the mountain, but sits, _And when he
was set_. From whence also, in the third place, he advises
people, that "when they are teaching they should not move too
much, for that is to be _carried to and fro with every wind of
doctrine_." Now, certainly, never was this place of Scripture
more seasonably brought in.

Now, Sir, if you be for a very short and witty discovery, let it
be upon that of _St. Matthew_ vi. 27. _Which of you, by taking
thought, can add one cubit unto his stature?_ The discovery is
this, that "whilst the disciples were taking thought for a cubit;
CHRIST takes them down a cubit lower!"

Notable also are two discoveries made upon _St. Matthew_ viii. 1.
1. That "CHRIST went down, as well as went up. _When he came down
from the mountain_." 2. That "the multitude did not go 'hail
fellow well met!' with him, nor before him; _for great multitudes
followed him_."

I love, with all my heart, when people can prove what they say. For there be many that will talk of their Discoveries and spiritual Observations; and when all comes to all, they are nothing but pitiful guesses and slender conjectures.

In like manner, that was no contemptible discovery that was made
upon _St. Matthew_ viii. 19. _And a certain Scribe came and, said,
"Master, I will follow thee wheresoever thou goest."_ "A _thou_
shall be followed more than a _that_. _I will follow_ thee
_wheresoever thou goest_."

And, in my opinion, that was not altogether amiss, upon _St.
Matthew_ xi. 2. _Now when JOHN had heard in prison the works of
CHRIST, he sent two of his disciples_. The discovery is this. That
"it is not good sending single to CHRIST, _he sent two of his
disciples_."

Some also, possibly may not dislike that upon _St. Luke_ xii, 35.
_Let your loins be girded_. "I discover," says he, "there must be
a holy girding and trussing up for heaven."

But I shall end all, with that very politic one that he makes upon
_St. Matthew_ xii. 47. _Then said one unto him "Behold thy mother
and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee." But
he answered and said, "Who is my mother? and who are my
brethren?"_ "I discover now," says he, "that JESUS is upon
business."

Doubtless, this was one of the greatest Discoverers of Hidden Mysteries, and one of the most Pryers into Spiritual Secrets that ever the world was owner of. It was very well that he happened upon the godly calling, and no secular employment: or else, in good truth! down had they all gone! Turk! Pope! and Emperor! for he would have discovered them, one way or another, every man!

Not much unlike to these wonderful Discoverers, are they who, choosing to preach on some Point in Divinity, shall purposely avoid all such plain Texts as might give them very just occasion to discourse upon their intended subject, and shall pitch upon some other places of Scripture, which no creature in the world but themselves, did ever imagine that which they offer to be therein designed. My meaning, Sir, is this.

Suppose you have a mind to make a sermon concerning Episcopacy, as in the late times [_the Commonwealth_] there were several occasions for it, you must, by no means, take any place of Scripture that proves or favours that kind of Ecclesiastical Government! for then the plot will be discovered; and the people will say to themselves, "We know where to find you! You intend to preach about Episcopacy!" But you must take _Acts_, chapter xvi. verse 30, _Sirs, what must I do to be saved?_ An absolute place for Episcopacy! that all former Divines had idly overlooked! For _Sirs_ being in the Greek [Greek: Kurioi], which is to say, in true and strict translation, _Lords_, what is more plain than, that of old, Episcopacy was not only the acknowledged Government; but that Bishops were formerly Peers of the Realm, and so ought to sit in the House of Lords!

Or, suppose that you have a mind to commend to your people, Kingly Government: you must not take any place that is plainly to the purpose! but' that of the Evangelist, _Seek first the Kingdom of GOD_! From which words, the doctrine will plainly be, that Monarchy or Kingly Government is most according to the mind of GOD. For it is not said, "seek the _Parliament_ of GOD!" "the _Army_ of GOD!" or "the _Committee of Safety_ of GOD!" but it is "seek the _Kingdom_ of GOD!" And who could expect less? Immediately after this [_i.e., this argument_], the King came in, and the Bishops were restored [1660 A.D.].

Again, Sir (because I would willingly be understood), suppose you design to preach about Election and Reprobation. As for the eighth chapter to the _Romans_, that is too well known! but there is a little private place in the _Psalms_ that will do the business as well! Psalm xc. 19, _In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul_.

The doctrine, which naturally flows from the words, will be that amongst _the multitude of thoughts_, there is a great thought of Election and Reprobation; and then, away with the Point! according as the preacher is inclined.

Or suppose, lastly, that you were not fully satisfied that Pluralities were lawful or convenient. May I be so bold, Sir? I pray, what Text would you choose to preach up against non-residents? Certainly, nothing ever was better picked than that of _St. Matthew_ i. 2. _ABRAHAM begat ISAAC_. A clear place against non-residents! for "had ABRAHAM not resided, but had discontinued from SARAH his wife, he could never have begotten ISAAC!"

But it is high time, Sir, to make an end of their preaching, lest you be as much tired with the repetition of it, as the people were little benefited when they heard it.

I shall only mind you, Sir, of one thing more; and that is [4] the ridiculous, senseless, and unintended use which many of them make of _Concordances_.

I shall give you but one instance of it, although I could furnish you with a hundred printed ones.

The Text, Sir, is this, _Galatians_ vi. 15, _For in CHRIST JESUS neither Circumcision nor Uncircumcision avail anything; but a new creature_. Now, all the world knows the meaning of this to be, that, let a man be of what nation he will, Jew or Gentile, if he amends his life, and walks according to the Gospel, he shall be accepted with GOD.

But this is not the way that pleases them! They must bring into the sermon, to no purpose at all! a vast heap of places of Scripture, which the _Concordance_ will furnish them with, where the word _new_ is mentioned.

And the Observation must be that "GOD is for _new_ things. GOD is
for _a_ new _creature. St. John_ xix, 41, _Now in the place when
he was crucified, there was a garden; and in the garden a new
sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid. There they laid JESUS_.
And again _St. Mark_ xvi. 17. CHRIST tells his disciples that they
that are true believers, shall cast out devils, and speak _with_
new _tongues_. And likewise, the prophet teaches us, _Isaiah_
xlii. 10, _Sing unto the LORD a new song, and his praise to the
end of the earth_.

"Whence it is plain that CHRIST is not for _old_ things. He is not
for an _old sepulchre_. He is not for _old tongues_. He is not for
an _old song_. He is not for an _old creature_. CHRIST is for a
_new creature! Circumcision and Uncircumcision availeth nothing,
but a new creature_. And what do we read concerning SAMSON?
_Judges_ xv, 15. Is it not that he slew a thousand of the
Philistines with one _new_ jawbone? An _old_ one might have killed
its tens, its twenties, its hundreds! but it must be a _new_
jawbone that is able to kill a thousand! GOD is for the _new
creature_!

"But may not some say, 'Is GOD altogether for new things?' How
comes it about then, that the prophet says, _Isaiah_ i. 13, 14,
_Bring no more vain oblations! &c. Your new Moons, and your
appointed Feasts, my soul hateth!_ And again, what means that,
_Deuteronomy_ xxxii. 17, 19, _They sacrificed unto devils, and to
new gods, whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up....
And when the LORD saw it, He abhorred them!_ To which I answer,
that GOD indeed is not for _new moons_, nor for _new gods_; but,
excepting _moons_ and _gods_, He is for the _new creature_."

It is possible, Sir, that somebody besides yourself, may be so vain as to read this _Letter_: and they may perhaps tell you, that there be no such silly and useless people as I have described. And if there be, there be not above two or three in a country [_county_]. Or should there be, it is no such complaining matter: seeing that the same happens in other professions, in Law and Physic: in both [of] which, there be many a contemptible creature.

Such therefore as these, may be pleased to know that, if there had been need, I could have told them, either the book (and very page almost) of all that has been spoken about Preaching, or else the When and Where, and the Person that preached it.

As to the second, viz.: that the Clergy are all mightily furnished with Learning and Prudence; except ten, twenty, or so; I shall not say anything myself, because a very great Scholar of our nation shall speak for me: who tells us that "such Preaching as is usual, is a hindrance of Salvation rather than the means to it." And what he intends by "usual," I shall not here go about to explain.

And as to the last, I shall also, in short, answer, That if the Advancement of true Religion and the eternal Salvation of a Man were no more considerable than the health of his body and the security of his estate; we need not be more solicitous about the Learning and Prudence of the Clergy, than of the Lawyers and Physicians. But we believing it to be otherwise, surely, we ought to be more concerned for the reputation and success of the one than of the other.

I come now, Sir, to the Second Part that was designed, viz.: _the Poverty of some of the Clergy_. By whose mean condition, their Sacred Profession is much disparaged, and their Doctrine undervalued. What large provisions, of old, GOD was pleased to make for the Priesthood, and upon what reasons, is easily seen to any one that but looks into the _Bible_. The Levites, it is true, were left out, in the Division of the Inheritance; not to their loss, but to their great temporal advantage. For whereas, had they been common sharers with the rest, a Twelfth part only would have been their just allowance; GOD was pleased to settle upon them, a Tenth, and that without any trouble or charge of tillage: which made their portion much more considerable than the rest.

And as this provision was very bountiful, so the reasons, no question! were very Divine and substantial: which seem chiefly to be these two.