Chapter IV: Part 4

Lying on soft Beds is undoubtedly wrong; the _French_ have a good Custom of putting a Matrass above the Feather-bed, which prevents their sinking into a Softness very prejudicial to Health. Soft Beds absorb too much of our Juices, cause a greater Waste than we can spare, enfeeble our whole Frame, and have a remarkable Tendency to give a Pain of Weakness in the Small of the Back, by heating the Reins.

Mr. _Locke_, amidst great good Sense, has some Notions a little rigorous, which probably are never followed, nor do they seem altogether needful. He proposes that a Child’s Bed be designedly ill made; that is, sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes rough, sometimes smooth; for my part, I am desirous to banish every ill-judged Tenderness, every false Fondness; but as I write for the Use of both Sexes, and all Conditions, I cannot confine my Ideas to a Tent or a Cabin. Let Children by all Means lie on Matrasses instead of Beds, for the Reasons already given; let them lie with a Bolster only, and no Pillow, for it is not good for them to have the Head high; let them lie either on one Side or the other, and not on the Back; and let them lie pretty straight in the Bed, yet not fully stretched out, for that would impede the due Action of the animal Functions, and render Sleep less profitable to them. With regard to the Form of their Beds, I think, Decency requires that they be orderly and regular; nor is there any Fear that a Change of Bed will affect them, for most young People sleep sound wherever they are laid.

It has been generally said, that we should keep our Heads cool; and many on that Principle, even tho’ their Heads are shaved, lie without a Night-cap. I will not take upon me to determine the Matter, but observe, that the Night-air seems to require some Guard; and many are of Opinion, that lying with the Head warm is most healthful; and particularly good for the Hair, the Eyes, and the Teeth.

Another Observation I shall here make, is, the Error of sleeping in small Rooms, and by Choice in the lower Part of a House; it is certainly right that we should have Space for a due Circulation of Air that it may not become thick and foul, which is very common in close Bed-chambers; nor should we lie surrounded with Curtains, for that is confining ourselves to the Air within the small Compass of our Beds. Parents would do well to let Children lie with the Curtains undrawn; and even where they have tender Constitutions, drawn only at the Sides of the Bed; but never all round, unless really sick: for this Practice, however common, is highly erroneous.

Notwithstanding the general Rules laid down concerning Exercise, I must here observe, that as Children advance in Life, that is, when they approach to Men and Women, great Regard should be had to the Exercise suitable to their Circumstances and Constitution; but these are too many to admit of enlarging upon here. I will in brief observe, that those who are hale receive the greatest Advantage from walking; the tender, especially the Hectical, and those who have weak Nerves, cannot bear this Exercise to any Degree, but gain Strength and Vigor from riding on Horseback; and indeed it often happens, where walking cannot be borne without great Fatigue, and waste of Strength and Spirits, riding, on the contrary, not only gives Pleasure, but increases both. Where Infirmity is so great, which doubtless will sometimes happen, that neither of these Exercises can be pursued, then a Coach, or some ether Vehicle, should supply their Place; for it is of great Consequence not totally to disuse Exercise: but Parents must remember this is too indolent in a State of Health; and is not by any Means to be encouraged by Choice. Besides these, there are many others under the Name of Sports and Pastimes, which if well regulated, and Care be taken that those engaged in them do not injudiciously drink cold Liquors, or otherwise expose themselves to inclement Seasons, are very salutary; such as Fencing, Dancing, Bowling, Digging, Gardening, and many others; all in their Nature good, and at times not to be shunned, especially by those whose Life would otherwise be inactive, those particularly who are devoted to Study.

There are yet some farther things relative to Health, which Parents must not disregard. Constitutions are so variously formed, that the same Employment which suits one Child, will not another. If one is closely confined to Study it will impair his Health, and either shorten his Days, or make him miserable: if another is engaged in a laborious Business, his tender Frame, perhaps, sinks under it: if a third is indulged in an easy Occupation, where Action would have suited his Frame, he becomes indolent, insipid, and infirm, a Burden to himself and others. Lastly, there are Occupations in Life whose Fumes are known to affect us; and some Regard should be had even to these, since the Health of our Children is concerned: not that I here recommend the Observance of each Nicety, or would have Children afraid of every Vapour that rises around them, or of every Employment that is accompanied with Labour: no; that would be making Life too painful, and fix in our Children an unmanly Timorousness, which would make them puny, frivolous or hurtful; and would be swerving from the Opinion of the greatest Men that have studied and wrote on these Subjects: For _Hippocrates_, _Celsus_, and all those who were best acquainted with what Physicians call the Non-naturals, maintain, that, besides Temperance and Air, Exercise, and that too of the most laborious Kind, particularly Husbandry, is indispensably necessary for Health. What then in general I here advise, is, that Parents, in settling their Children, have an Eye to their Health, at the same time that they study their Interest and Prosperity.

Having thus with real Pains, and an unfeigned Desire to promote the Welfare of Mankind, pointed out the general Means of preserving Health, and, I hope, set in a true Light those Errors which usually tend to impair or destroy it; if Parents seriously adhere to the one, and avoid the other, their Children will receive many and great Advantages therefrom. It may be urged, that the Treatment which suits one Child will not another; and that general Rules are always subject to particular Exceptions: I grant it. Still this does not justify those Parents who submit to no Rules at all. I have said before, that all Laws give Parents the sole Power of governing their Children; I may also maintain that the same Laws oblige them to do every thing to promote their Welfare. Those who are unacquainted with the Duty of a Parent, must learn; those who know, must practice. Let this Admonition then rouse the Attention of Parents; and let these Precepts serve as the Foundation, whereon to build the solid Health of their Children. The Constitution is like the Countenance, somewhat different in every one; where therefore any Deviations from Rule are the Effect of Judgment, I sincerely applaud them; and where any Principle here laid down proves erroneous, I chearfully submit to the Removal of it.

Many of my Readers will still perhaps expect, that something should be said concerning the manner of treating Children in Sickness; but they must remember, that I set out with no farther View than the preserving Health, by avoiding every Irregularity and Excess: and when Diseases happen, which cannot be obviated, nor even foreseen, it is not the reading a single Volume that will qualify Parents to undertake the Cure of them: no; they must apply to those who make it their Study and their Profession; to those whose Judgment, whose Integrity, and whose Diligence they can confide in. To this End I will here endeavour to point out to Parents the most rational Way of proceeding.

One would imagine, that nothing was easier to determine than this Matter; for what can be more natural in Sickness, than sending for a Physician? He who from his Youth has laboured to acquire Knowledge, who has devoted his Life to Study, who has searched into Nature, and discovered the most hidden Causes; who has sacrificed many even of the innocent Pleasures of Life, that he might become useful to Mankind; and who, to accomplish this, has spent perhaps a good younger Son’s Portion. Can any thing, I say, be more natural or more rational than this Proceeding? And yet, who is there that has any Knowledge of the World, that is acquainted with _London_ particularly, that does not daily see a very different Practice? Who is there that does not know, that the Apothecary, the Nurse, the Quack, and many others, oftentimes baffle the Physician, or keep him out of Play.

Every Nation is distinguished for some Peculiarities of it’s own. In _France_ the Physicians have but little Dignity, and their Fees are low; yet nobody in Sickness presumes to act without them; they are always call’d first: in _England_, the Reputation of Physicians is deservedly great; but their Fees are high, and they are usually call’d in last. As Sickness is in it’s Nature every Way expensive, as the Doctor’s Fee is always Gold, we cannot but be sensible, that there are many People in the Nation, who either from a Desire to contract the Expence, or from a Want of Ability to give the customary Fees, do not, at least ’till Danger threatens, send for a Physician. And it is for these, and other Reasons, that some Medium between the Patient and the Physician seems necessary: which Medium is no where to be found, but in the Apothecary.

Let us now enquire a little into the Nature of the Apothecary’s Business, and see of what Use he is to Mankind. Pharmacy, the Apothecary’s Art, is branch’d out of Physic; for as now the Apothecary sometimes prescribes, so originally the Physician was Apothecary too. An Apothecary’s Education is not so deep, nor his Application to Study usually so close, as the Physician’s: yet as Genius is not confined to the Physician, but is by Nature as capable of residing in the Apothecary; some Degree of Learning, an Acquaintance with proper Books, which are equally open to both, and constant Observation on Diseases, will certainly furnish him with a considerable Stock of useful Knowledge. Experience is the Mother of Wisdom. While the Physician is labouring at Theories, the Apothecary is perhaps deeply immers’d in Practice: and as all allow that nice Observation is of vast Use in Physic, while the one is searching into Causes, the other, if he improves as he ought the Opportunities he is furnished with, gains a Knowledge of Effects. Hence it appears, that an Apothecary is capable of being, not merely an useful, but a valuable Man to Society; and perhaps equally so, both to Patient and Physician. Physicians could not keep up their Dignity, nor act with Safety without this Medium. Who is it they confide in that the Drugs are good, and the Letter of the Prescription faithfully adhered to, but the Apothecary? Who is it that gives the Patient that close Attendance he frequently wants, but the Apothecary? Who is it that has the Trouble of applying Leeches, of applying and dressing Blisters, of administering Vomits, _&c._ of watching the various Changes that arise, and of running in Pursuit of the Doctor to check some threatening Symptom, but the Apothecary? And who is it, in fine, that on every Emergency, in every real or fancied Danger, is called out of his Bed to administer some speedy Relief, or appease some groundless Fears of the Patient, or their Friends, but the Apothecary? Still all this, tho’ literally true, tho’ it proves the Apothecary (where a good one) to have some real Importance, yet it does not put him upon a Level with the Physician, much less justify the shutting him out from Practice. Those who deny that Apothecaries can sometimes cure Diseases, flatly contradict what every Day’s Experience proves; and those, who, to magnify them, depreciate the Physicians, are guilty of an Injustice, which can have no other Source than Ignorance, or an evil Mind: for, to put Things upon a fair Footing, the Apothecary should be considered as an Auxiliary; or, as I have before expressed it, a necessary Medium between Physician and Patient.

Health is a nice Affair; and Life precious to every Individual. The best Advice then I can give to Parents is, that they do not, where these are at Stake, hazard either one or the other by Indolence, or an ill-tim’d Frugality. Those who are rich, let them at once send for the Physician, especially if it be a Matter of Moment; and surely Prudence points out this to us: so those who cannot reach the best, let them take the next best; that is, where calling in a Physician would too sensibly affect their Circumstances, Prudence demands, that they employ a good Apothecary. And even these, tho’ they consult their Apothecary first, should strain a Point where Danger threatens; and neither attach themselves too closely to the Man who is fond of his own Judgment, nor condemn another’s Tenderness in proposing farther Advice. But I may on this Point say farther, that it is sometimes the greatest Proof of Wisdom in an Apothecary to desire the Advice of a Physician; for tho’ Diligence, Integrity, and many other Qualifications are highly necessary in this Profession, yet none is equal to that Penetration, which gives him the Power of seeing Danger before it is too late to apply a Remedy.

As for the Calumnies, the Sneers, and the Misrepresentations of ignorant or designing People, such as Apothecaries and Physicians being in league together, and playing into one another’s Hands; the Eleven-pence in the Shilling; the cramming People with Physic they do not want; and much more of the like Nature; these are things that scarcely deserve any Notice. I have now been above thirty Years in the Business; have seen and done far from an inconsiderable Share; have attended with Physicians of every Rank, from those who first enter’d into Practice up to those who have reach’d the Summit; yet cannot charge either any single Physician, or myself, with even an Attempt to enter into an Association to the Prejudice of Mankind. On the contrary, I have seen some who have laboured with disinterested Zeal for their Benefit; not merely because they could not have their Fees, but because they would not take them. Here I cannot help observing how much the World is misled by Appearances; because People see an Apothecary with a good Suit of Cloaths on, they conclude he is above Want; and because they see another in a Chariot, they pronounce him rich: so too because a very few Physicians make Fortunes, they conclude, that all of the Profession are Wealthy. But how fallacious is all this! There is no Profession, no Trade in the Kingdom which we call genteel, that has so few rich Men in it as the different Branches of Physic. Many a Man in it, sensible that the World would have no Opinion of his Skill, if he appeared to Disadvantage, keeps up a Port with aching Heart; many a Chariot is in daily Danger of breaking down; and many owe their Stability more to their own Patrimony, to their Wives Portion, or some other fortunate Event, than to the Produce of their Business.

Two Things with respect to Sickness Parents are to guard against; one is, the Neglect of calling for Help in time; the other, that amazing Attachment to Nurses, and what they call good old Women. I esteem it a Misfortune in a Family, where a Physician or an Apothecary appears as regularly as the Baker; and to prove that I do so, I have said before, that our Food may often be made our Physic; and have pointed out many Ways to prevent Diseases: still it is a Fact, that all Errors are best rectified at the Beginning; and the sooner a Distemper is attacked, the sooner, in all Probability, will it be conquered. Good Women are extremely apt to treat physical People with Contempt; and this chiefly to magnify their own Skill. If they have any Knowledge, as some of them doubtless have, to whom principally do they owe it? Is it not from conversing with physical People, and seeing how they proceed? most certainly. And yet these same good Women shall wonder that any body sends for a Doctor or an Apothecary to a sick Child! What, they cry, do these People know about Children? A good old Woman is better than all of them. She must be a very good old Woman indeed, that knows more than Men who have made the Knowledge of Diseases the whole Study of their Lives. But supposing that Reason and Resolution get the better of this Weakness; Parents have still more to do; it is not enough that Medicines are prescribed, they must be sure that they are taken. For besides the Repugnance in the Child, there is a Difficulty perhaps in the Nurse; and if she thinks it wrong, it will be hard to set her right; and harder still, to prevail on her to give them to the Patient. Parents, in this Case, must either resolve not to ask Advice, or resolve to see the Medicines taken.

Nurses have a Province of their own, in which they are very valuable, that is, a diligent attentive Care; for in vain do Parents seek Advice, in vain do Physicians prescribe, if Nurses are negligent, unwatchful, or careless. But while I do them the Justice they deserve, while I acknowledge the Merit of their Station, and recommend that it be rewarded, I cannot help repeating to Parents, not to suffer them to baffle superior Knowledge. If any Change happens to the Patient, or a Difficulty arises unforeseen, let them suspend for a Time the Execution of the Orders given them; but let them not frustrate the Physician’s Intention, by throwing Medicines away, giving them by Halves, or giving something of their own added to it, or in it’s stead; and then concealing what they have done: all these things are grievously wrong, and every way unjustifiable, as they frequently disappoint the Patient, or disgrace the Physician. If a Nurse has made any useful Observation on the Patient (which all good Nurses sometimes will) there is not a Doctor in the Kingdom, if a Man of Sense, but will hear her, and turn it to Advantage; but if her Conceit leads her to set aside or overturn what is proposed, however merry it may make herself, every thinking Person in the World must condemn so capital an Error.

The last Caution I shall give to Parents relative to Health, is, the Danger of Nostrums and Quack-Medicines. I believe there is not a Physician nor an Apothecary in the Kingdom but what has seen the Lives of People, particularly of Children, sacrificed to this Practice. What is it that constitutes the Physician, that proves the Man of Judgment, but the varying his Prescriptions, not only according to different Diseases, but according to the different Circumstances of the same Disease? And yet these Nostrum-Mongers, with unparalell’d Boldness, often attempt to conquer all Diseases with one Arcanum, one pretended Remedy. Who that hears these Boasters, or that reads their printed Accounts, but must discover many Absurdities on the very Face of them. The Man that promises what is repugnant to common Sense, argues himself either a Knave or a Fool; and yet People are often so little attentive, or so regardless of Health, that they do not discover their Error, ’till it is sometimes too late to remedy it. That I may do strict Justice to every one, I am ready to grant, that many Discoveries have been made in Medicine by mere Accident; and that some of the Nostrums in Vogue are in themselves good; nay some of them were the Discoveries of able Physicians; Discoveries since seiz’d on by designing People, and pirated into a kind of Property. But what does all this avail in the Hands of ignorant People? What is a Man the wiser for being placed in a Repository of the finest Drugs, if he knows not how to apply them? Or wherein does he differ from one set in a Library of the choicest Books, without being able to read? Yet are People every Day vending Things, which they know not the Nature nor Use of; and so far impose on the weak and credulous, as often to make a Fortune at others Cost.

Opium, Mercury, and all the powerful Drugs, are every Day scattered about the Kingdom, and indiscriminately offered to all, whether they want them or not, whether they are good for them or not; and the specious Terms they are recommended in are apt to mislead, not merely innocent, but very sensible People. Since then Things are so, Parents must be very wary how they touch such dangerous Weapons. ’Tis great Odds but they mistake their Child’s Disorder; ’tis great Odds that the random Medicine they give is not suited to it; and how will they reconcile it to themselves if any fatal Consequence ensues? Upon the Whole, as a Friend to Mankind, independent of any private Interest, as one who aims at the Benefit of Society, and wishes to preserve the rising Generation, I cannot but advise Parents to be tender, circumspect, and judicious, in so important a Matter as their Children’s Health. When they are well, let them use every prudent Means to keep them so; if they are ill, let them ask good Advice; by which Means they will often save their Children’s Lives: and even where a Miscarriage happens, their Prudence and Justice will be attended with this Consolation, that they have done their best.

MANNERS.

Manners comes next under my Consideration: it implies such a Government of our Children as tends to regulate their Conduct, by making their Actions what they ought to be. And though Health has been treated first, from it’s being generally thought the most immediately necessary, yet if this Regulation, this due Government does not accompany every Endeavour to preserve their Children’s Health, Parents will often be disappointed, and find their Labour fruitless.

The Basis of Government is Authority: without that, in vain do we expect any Order in our Children, any Happiness to ourselves. Cities, Armies, Kingdoms, all are sustain’d by it: and so too must private Families be. By Authority I do not mean that stern Brow, that trembling awful Distance, nor that Bashaw-like Behaviour, which favours more of the Tyrant than of the Parent; no: I mean a rational, yet absolute Exercise of a Degree of Power, necessary for the regulating the Actions and Dispositions of Children, ’till they become wise enough to govern themselves. But because some Children attain this necessary Knowledge sooner than others, and one Child will be better able to conduct itself at fifteen, than another at twenty, or even thirty; there is but one general way of ascertaining the length of Time our Authority should be exercised in it’s full Force; which is that settled by the Laws of our Kingdom; viz. ’till the Age of twenty-one. And if we can once seriously resolve to employ this Term so critical to Children, solely to their Advantage, Authority will thenceforward become useless: it’s Terrors will vanish, and be wholly absorbed in the united Considerations of the Parent, the Friend, and the Companion: in a Word, our Children well conducted to this Age will afterwards take as much Pains to make us happy, as we have done to make them wise. But to proceed.

As soon as a Child discovers the first Dispositions to Perversity and Self-will (which as sure as it is born it will too soon begin to do) I advise most earnestly that it be attended to; for much depends upon it. Here I must caution my Fair Readers in particular, not to suspect me of Cruelty; since the Pains I am taking is intended to prevent the Necessity of using any Severity during our whole Lives. But what! you’ll say, should a Child be corrected before it can speak? I answer, that the first Principle in human Nature is Self-love; Reason, the second Principle, opens only by degrees. Now as soon as the Passions of Children shew themselves, they should certainly be checked: and as the Fear of Chastisement is included in Self-love, it is easy to turn this to their Advantage, ’till Reason shall have gained so much Strength as to render it unnecessary: no one can absolutely fix the Time, but within the Year most Parents will find a Necessity to begin; and before half the first Septenary is past much may be done.

In the Government of Children Parents should be obstinately good; that is, set out upon right Principles, and then pursue them with Spirit and Resolution: otherwise their Children will soon grow too cunning for them, and take the Advantage of their Weakness.

Severe and frequent Whipping is I think a very bad Practice; it inflames the Skin, it puts the Blood into a Ferment, and there is besides, a Meanness, a degree of Ignominy attending it, which makes it very unbecoming: still there may be Occasions which will render it necessary; but I earnestly advise that all the milder Methods be first try’d. A coarse clamorous manner of enforcing Obedience is also to be avoided; it is vulgar, and nothing vulgar should be seen in the Behaviour of Parents to their Children, because through the Eyes and Ears it taints their tender Minds: still, let Parents make their Children both see and feel the Power they have over them.

If a Child is passionate and wilful, a Look, or a little Tap on the Hand, will, without hurting it, sometimes suffice to convince it that it is doing wrong; and will often cure the Fault, or at least keep it under. A Child, in a perverse Mood, throws down it’s Play-things; if they are taken up fifty times successively, they are still thrown down as long as the Spirit of Contradiction lasts: now the Remedy here should be to take them away; or by a serious Countenance shew you are displeased; and the Child will very probably not only soon be quiet, but be less prone to do the like another Time. I have seen Children that could not speak, distinguish perfectly those who were disposed to spoil them, from those who were not; scratch Faces, break China, and play the tyrant over all who humour’d them, and yet not offer to lift a Finger against those who did not. By all means let Children be play’d with, and have every Amusement; but great care must be taken to distinguish Play from Mischief; innocent Freedom, from a growing Perversity.

The Humours even of Infants are innumerably various. One Child will not sleep but on a Lap; another there is no Peace with unless rock’d in a Cradle; a third will cry when a Candle is taken away; and to shew us why it cry’d, it is quiet the Moment it is brought back again; a fourth will swill Tea or some other improper Liquor out of measure and out of time; and a fifth will eat Trash ’till it can eat nothing else, nor that itself. In these Cases I advise Parents to consider if their Children are acting for themselves, or they for their Children: one Grain of Judgment will set them right; one Minute’s Reflection will shew them their Error; but, when they once see it they must resolve to avoid it for the future. I call’d some time ago on a Friend, and took a Family Dinner; when to my great Astonishment I saw little Master, not yet a Year old, drinking Porter. What, said I, do you give the Child strong Drink? Oh! Sir, reply’d Mamma, he’ll drink nothing else. Now is not the Fault of such Proceeding obvious? and is not the Remedy as obvious? Parents surely cannot be so blind as not to see their Children’s Health impair’d, and their Humours strengthen’d, by this misplac’d Indulgence; and all for want of a little Resolution, a gentle Correction, or a seasonable Reprimand; nay perhaps only a Look; which given with an authoritative Air, would often have the desired Effect. Constant Experience proves how wrong, nay how ineffectual, the opposite Practice to this is; those who give a Child every thing it cries or asks for, strengthen indeed its Wilfulness, but are far from making it happy. How many improper Things are there which Parents give a Child because they cannot quiet it? Who has not seen a Picture, a Book, a Watch, and other valuable things exposed to be destroyed by it through this mistaken Management? But surely it is right that even among the Baubles contrived on purpose, the Parents, not the Child, should have the Command of them; that is, they should be given or taken away at Discretion; and this without Passion or Ill-nature on one Side, and without Clamour or Fretfulness on the other. Parents should every Day more and more convince their Children of their Power over them, by restraining their little Irregularities, and by weakening their Passions; now this they cannot do without an early Attention to their various Dispositions and Tempers; that they may thence learn what Propensity is strongest, what Foible is most predominant.

Nature, ’tis true, is not alike bountiful to all; nor does she give the same Propensity, the same Temper to all. One Child is born with sweet and mild Dispositions; another more sanguine, and full of Fire; a third has a Redundance of Acrimony; and so on: yet different Tempers are sometimes a kindness bestow’d on us by Nature, on purpose for us to act some certain Part on the great Stage of Life. It is therefore the Parents Business to watch the Temper of their Children; to check any evil Tendency, any ill Dispositions, and prevent every Excess from growing into a Habit; nay more, to change the bad Humour into a good one; as Physicians administer Medicines to alter the Blood and Juices. That famous Reply of _Socrates_ to the Phisiognomist was excellent: “Nature (says he) intended me a Monster; but Reason has made me what I am.” Cardinal _Richlieu_ (speaking of external Graces) says, “Every thing to a Gentleman should be natural.” Now it cannot be supposed that he means, we should know how to speak, or move, or dance gracefully, without being taught; no, but these Things by Acquisition should so far enter into us as to seem interwoven in our Nature. Thus did Philosophy change the Vices of _Socrates_ into Virtues; and thus should Parents correct and alter the irregular Dispositions of their Children: they must temper and moderate the Fire of one, lest it grow too impetuous; they must animate the Mildness of another with a Degree of Warmth, lest it become sluggish; and they must blunt and sweeten the Acrimony of a third, lest it degenerate into Rancour; which last Frame of Mind, as it is of all others the most detestable in itself, and the most dangerous to Society, so of all others it requires the nicest Care to manage; in short Parents, as I have already observed, are to let their Children see and feel their Affection for them, and their Power over them; and then regulate their Actions as they find necessary.

I have still my Eye on Children in the first Septenary, and with Concern view the Majority of them humour’d, and therefore humoursome; Boys audacious and impudent under the Name of courageous; and Girls pert and vain under the name of witty. It is my Opinion the Parents need not trouble themselves much to reason with their Children in this Stage; first let them consider what is proper for them to do, or avoid; then enforce their Compliance in soft and winning Terms; or, if not with a smiling Countenance, at least with a smooth Brow and without harshness: but whenever they attempt to disobey, let them shew by a Word or a Look that they are absolute: which Method I think should be seriously adhered to. Though I have already observed that Children have Knowledge much earlier than is commonly imagined, they have yet no Judgment to guide their Actions. What they chiefly discover to us at this Age is Cunning; therefore if Parents neglect Reproof when necessary, they will soon get the better of them. For Example, a Child cries because it is to go to School; shall Parents fondly to quiet it keep it at Home? by no means. A Dose of Physic is to be taken; shall they, because it is unpleasant, humour the Child, and throw it away? no surely. There is no other Method here but being serious; you must go, you must take it; when Children thus see their Parents in earnest, Obedience very soon becomes familiar and easy.

Nor is an unreasonable Compliance with the Humours of Children what Parents take it for; they falsely think it Tenderness and Love; but far from it; it is Love degenerated into Weakness and Folly. But it is easy to soften this seeming Rigour in the Behaviour of Parents, by their addressing the Understandings of Children at other Intervals, supposing it to be open. What more natural and reasonable than to say to a Child, You know, my Dear, all good Children do as they are bid; all Children to become wise must go to School; you would not surely be rank’d among bad Children by being disobedient? You would not, I hope, be a Blockhead? yet if you do not apply to your Learning you must be one. Thus too with Regard to Medicines: You know, my Love, Physic is to make you well; I am sorry you have occasion to take it; I am sorry it is unpleasant; but since it is necessary for you, prove yourself a good Child, and take it at once. Here I must beg leave to expostulate with Parents on the Errors usually run into in this last Particular. How comes it that there is such an universal Difficulty in getting Medicines down a sick Child’s Throat? How comes it that the most sprightly talkative Child cannot be prevailed on to shew its Tongue to the Doctor, yet the Moment his Back is turn’d he will loll it out twenty times? The Reason is plain; Parents do not teach their Children to obey. Instead of Compulsion or Reason, they use Flattery, Bribes and Deceit: but I am practically convinced that all this, however common, is wrong: and indeed where Obedience is not insisted on, and made a first Rule of Action, few things can be right. As Medicines are generally nauseous, a Repugnance to take them is as natural as shrinking at Pain; notwithstanding this, where they are really necessary, and unless they are so, nobody ought to be troubled with them, a Child at any Age, from the very Day it is born, till it is a Man or Woman, may, and ought to be made to take them. But to do this Parents must set out right; they must have the Child under Command. That every Parent is actuated by a Principle of preserving the Life of their Child, I will take for granted; but this is not enough: they must go on to the Execution of the Means. The Infant of a Day shews its Repugnance to swallow a few Grains of Rhubarb; the Child of a Year will twist it’s Head about every Way it can, that the Spoon or Cup which contains the Dose may not reach it’s Mouth; and by the time it is three or four Years old, it will probably dash the Cup out of the Hand of those who offer the Potion, or tell them in plain Terms it won’t take it. Now, without mentioning the Consequence this may be of to it’s Health or Life, there is another of great Importance; namely, that a Child thus used to get the better of all about it, and convinced it can conquer it’s Parents, is seldom disposed to conquer itself; so that where Self-will is very strong, Reason will doubtless be weak; and only serve to aggravate the Fault by fixing an Error, perhaps for Life. Yet great as all these Difficulties appear, they vanish at the Entrance of Reflection and Resolution. If Parents consider that they are bound by every Tye to make their Children obey, and then resolve to fulfil this Obligation, the Business is done: therefore with regard to Medicines, what have they more to do? Nothing but the Execution, which may be effected with Ease. For Example, take a Child from it’s Birth to the Age of twenty-one, and divide this Time into three, not equal parts, but States; call the first the unresisting State; the second the State of Cunning; and the third the State of Reason. The first is extremely short, we cannot count it by Years, and scarcely by Months; nor is there any Trouble here with Medicines, but putting a Spoon or Cup to it’s Mouth, and holding the Head back ’till the Dose is swallowed. The second State lasts long; and tho’ soft and winning Words are always to be preferred, yet they seldom succeed here; a serious Countenance and a resolute Air are the surest Means to conquer; and these maintained, there is nothing to fear. The Difficulties of the third State, that of Reason, are greatly lessened by the Success of the preceding; for a Child habituated to obey, looks back with Pleasure on it’s Compliance with every reasonable Command; and tho’ it before obey’d and took Medicines, because it must, it now takes them because it ought.

I cannot but be of Opinion, that every Method in the Management of sick Children contrary to this is erroneous; I think I have seen all tried that is in the Power of human Invention; and many who read this cannot but be convinced that their own Endeavours have often been fruitless. The first Rule Parents are to lay down to themselves is, never to deceive their Children; for surely those who are to teach them never to be deceitful, cannot but be very unfit Persons to deceive them themselves: nor does this square with the Practice of quibbling down a Dose of Physic, under a thousand Shifts and Turns, and even manifest Falshoods. The next Rule is, to avoid the Practice of Bribes. Children should be taught to know, that their greatest Happiness is their Parents Love; therefore the Custom of giving them Sugar-Plumbs, Cakes, Toys, or Money for every thing they take, is grievously wrong: it gives them a Fondness for improper things; it gives them a restless Desire for every new Bauble; and above all, it gives them an early Mean-spiritedness; an odious Selfishness; a Desire of being paid for every thing they do.

At the same time that I recommend to Parents never to call things by wrong Names, never to attempt imposing on a Child’s Senses or Understanding, or to force down Medicines with Bribes; so I also recommend, that they avoid Harshness and Violence, unless pressed to it by great Necessity; but this Caution is almost needless after what has been said: for with the Method proposed, it requires no more than to approach the sick Bed with, Come, my Dear, take your Dose; if the Child says, it is nauseous, grant it: but at the same time say, We do not take Medicines for Pleasure, but to make us well: if it declines it, urge how wrong it is to dwell on what would be gone in a Minute; and if any Difficulty still remains, inform it, that it is not for your Sake you urge it, but it’s own; and that while you are doing all you can to restore it to Health, you must, and will be obeyed. At intermediate times, let Parents, by a fond, engaging Behaviour, convince their Children how tenderly they love them; let them frequently mingle with them in their little Plays and Sports; and let them sometimes overlook Trifles, that they may have more Influence in Matters of Moment.

Lord _Hallifax_ observes, that the first Impressions Children receive are in the Nursery; whence he infers, that Mothers have not only the earliest, but the most lasting Influence over them.

That the first Care of Children, and many of the most tender Offices they require, are the Mother’s Province, is an undoubted Truth; but when the forming their Manners is under Consideration, the Influence of both Father and Mother should, if possible, be equal; at least it is necessary that Parents go hand in hand, and not counteract one another in the Government of them.

Parents should make it a Rule to themselves, never to shew to their Children, both at once, the Marks of extreme Anger, or excessive Fondness; but when a Child has done such a Fault as demands of the Father to affect great Severity, let the Mother put on an equal Share of Lenity and Compassion mixed with Grief: and so on the reverse. Thus too on other Occasions, when the Mother prudently exposes all the motherly Fondness of her Heart, let the Father as prudently conceal a Part of his, and, with an Air of Steadiness, insinuate, that the Conduct which is approved is no more than Duty. But Parents will never be able to act with due Moderation in the Government of their Children, without first resolving to govern, with the utmost Prudence, their own Passions and Tempers. And how will they be able to do this, unless they look inwardly, and study to find them out? If the Man be of a choleric or morose Disposition, and the Woman of a phlegmatic, mild, and affable Temper, the Contrast may prove sovereignly beneficial to their Children, if the Parties, conscious of it in themselves, resolve mutually to apply it under the Direction of Prudence; and found the Government of their young Family’s Passions on that of their own. Whereas, if ignorant of their respective Foibles, or heedless to turn them to Advantage, they give a full Loose to them, and agree in nothing but an unbridled Exertion of them as Occasion or Accident offers, the Contrast will probably prove fatal both to themselves and their Children: they will for the most part be pleased and displeased alike out of Time and out of Measure; their Severities and Lenities will often jar, and rob each other of their due Effect; their Punishments and Rewards, by being never, or but seldom, and that by mere Chance, proportioned to the Failings they mean to correct, or the Merit they Wish to encourage, will prove fruitless, if not destructive: and what is still worse, they will seldom fail, in the midst of Correction, to strengthen the Misconduct they aim at reforming, by the Example they give of it in their own Persons; and as seldom miss, in the Extravagance of their false Fondnesses, of perverting the Minds of their Children from the noble Love of Virtue, to the reptil Hankerings after Rewards, Praises, and Caresses. If a Child is to be reformed of any peevish or passionate Behaviour, what Effect can Correction have on him, if given by a Parent delivered over by his own Passions to all the Fierceness of a Brute? It may make him hate the Correction, but can never make him hate Faults, the opposite Virtues to which he sees not the least Example of in his Corrector. If another is to be encouraged in some commendable Action, what Benefit will he receive from an Excess of Fondness, while the being humour’d in other Actions, perhaps highly discommendable, only teaches him to exchange Vice for Vice, or one Folly for another? Or finally, what Advantage can be produced to Children from Reprehension or Approbation, from Punishments or Rewards, however well proportioned, timed or placed, if there appear to them in the Parents a Dissention in the bestowing them; and that they are the Overflowings of Passion or Partiality, rather than the Result of Reason and Equity? Parents then should seriously acquaint themselves with their own Tempers, and mutually consent and agree on the Methods of regulating their Children; never to reward or punish, seem angry or pleas’d, but by Concert; and above all, never to correct while in a Passion, nor reward till the fond Fit be over.

There are many things in the Management of Children rather to be wished than obtained; not so easily practised as desired; among these, one Expedient, I think, might often prove successful towards attaining this happy Medium I have been speaking of. Where a Father is of a choleric, hasty, and severe Disposition, and the Mother the reverse, which is most generally the Case, it were greatly to be wished, that, by mutual Consent, they sometimes exchanged Offices in the Government of their Children. Would the Father resolve to make it his Study so to conquer his Temper, as seldom or never, but in extreme Necessity, to interfere in reprimanding and correcting his Children, but rather to take upon him the Office of Commendations and Rewards; and of treating them with all the Affability he is Master of: and would the Mother take an equal Resolution to conquer the Softness of her Nature, to reprimand and punish them on proper Occasions with all the Sternness she can summon; remitting them for the Applause or Gratifications they may deserve to their Father: would Parents, I say, with these Dispositions, resolve on the Practice, I cannot but think it would produce excellent Effects in the Government of Children: considering the very little Danger there would be of the choleric, or naturally severe Father spoiling his Child by Excess of Fondness; or the naturally tender Mother ruining it by extreme Severity.

I will here suppose, what is most agreeable to good Sense, that Parents in general have such good Dispositions as to intend the real Benefit of their Children; but either that they have not thought on what was necessary to be done, or thought on it but confusedly: I will suppose too that both Father and Mother agree in this general Intention. Still, as all have their several Ways of judging, the most sensible People will be liable to have different Notions of different Things, and even different Ways of doing the same Thing; which, so far from being wrong, if well attended to, may contribute to the great Emolument of both. Yet Parents must be extremely cautious never to differ about the Government of Children in their Hearing; it does incredible Mischief; but particularly, it alienates them from their Duty; and weakens the Authority of the Parents on one Side at least, if not on both.

If a Child is to be in the Hands of a Nursery-maid, (which is general among People of Condition) great Care should be taken in the Choice of her. I am an Advocate for Knowledge and Good-breeding, but they are not so much wanted here. The Requisites are, Cleanliness, Good-temper, Docility, and Innocence. Every one allows, and is sensible of the Benefit of Cleanliness; and genuine Good-temper is no less advantageous; but if with these Parents find a tractable docile Mind, joined with a native Innocence, they have found a Treasure; and ought to prize it accordingly. The Parents are to be their Children’s Guides, and the sole Judges what ought to be done for them; therefore I cannot but account it a singular Happiness, when they find a Servant who will treat their Children in the Manner they require. But farther; a Servant with this Turn of Temper, will every Day improve in the Knowledge and Behaviour necessary to her Station: and from seeing the Reasonableness of the Parents Injunctions, take pains to enforce them on the Child.

But as a Variety of Circumstances in Life may alter our Views; so we are often obliged to vary our Mode of proceeding, tho’ directed to the same Point. Thus it sometimes happens, that a very young Couple become Parents, who are totally unacquainted with what ought to be done; in that Case, it is undoubtedly necessary that they seek a Person already skilled in this important Business; possessed too of all the Requisites I have just pointed out: and such an one with Care and Pains may be found. As Misfortunes are but too common, so there are Women who are not only well born, but whose Education and Manner of Life is truly virtuous; whose only Fault perhaps is, that they inconsiderately married too young; and whose Misfortune is, that Death by depriving them of their Husbands, has deprived them of Support: whence they are glad to accept of a Service, which unexperienced Parents ought as gladly to engage them in, and reward them for.

It is not enough that Children have wise and discreet Parents, who employ too a faithful Deputy; no, they must also be guarded from the Interposition of Friends and Relations. They are dangerous Sharers in our Government, and dangerous Rivals in our Children’s Affections. No body surely can mistake me so far as to think I would exclude Relations from the Respect and Duty due to them; by no means: they may assist with their Counsel in the Absence of the Children, or they may encourage filial Duty in the Absence of the Parents; but in general they should not be allow’d to interfere in the Management, nor on any Account thwart the Parents Injunctions, or discover opposite Sentiments in the Children’s hearing. What more common than for a Lady to have a Maiden Sister live with her, who is pretty sure to spoil the Children by a mistaken Fondness. A Child grows ungovernable, and the Parents correct it; now as Children are cunning before they are wise, immediately it flies to it’s Aunt; who, with eager Embraces, and pathetic Nonsense, seldom fails to pervert the Parents Correction with ill timed, and worse judg’d Consolations. Is it not easy to see that Children by this Party Management will be misled; and that if it does not misguide their Affection, it will at least weaken their Duty?

That Children have Knowledge very early is plain to us a thousand different Ways, but in none more evidently than their close Attachment, their visible Fondness, for some one Person, whether Father, Mother, Aunt, or Nurse; though commonly it is the Mother or Nurse, or whoever is most with them, or most humours them. This Fondness is perfectly natural, and we are not to be surprised at it; but my Readers must remember it is the Parents Business to regulate their Children’s Desires; and this they cannot do, if they indulge and cherish a blind Fondness in them, though it should be even to themselves. Filial Affection in it’s full Extent is undoubtedly an exalted Virtue; still to be rational, it must be just: and as there are many things which Parents cannot lawfully command their Children to do, so there are many things which Children ought not to comply with, even though commanded by a Parent. For Instance: if a Man dislikes his Wife, or a Woman her Husband (and melancholy Experience shews us these things do happen, and that there is sometimes a fix’d Aversion on one side or both) is it therefore lawful for a Man to teach his Children to hate their Mother; or the reverse? by no means: nor can a Child comply with so impious a Command. People who know but little of Life, may think such an Injunction impossible; but it is far from it. Many Incidents approaching very near to this are too frequently to be met with; and I have myself the Pleasure of being acquainted with a Gentleman, whose whole Deportment is such as renders him amiable in the Eyes of all who know him; yet this Gentleman, when a Student, was almost totally abandon’d by his Father, for no other Reason than that of writing some Letters of Duty and Affection to his Mother. But to return to this first Fondness we discover in Children. The Cause of it is mostly owing to their being too much confined to the Arms of one Person, or too much indulg’d by another: yet whatever it is owing to, the Effects are very disagreeable, very inconvenient, and sometimes very fatal.