Chapter I

The letter I spells by itself the most popular word in our language, though, under Cupid’s spell, the word “U” is more thought of, “You and I” being often the most happy of Cupid’s combinations. I is the most Attenuated letter of the Alphabet.

By some the letter I is supposed to have possessed originally a well-rounded and ornate figure, having been worn to its present thread-like shape by constant use in speech and writing.

When not acting in its popular capacity of First Personal Pronoun, I is anything but popular as a letter, standing as it does for Indifference, Irksomeness, Insignificance, Industry, and other uncongenial things.

I has a leaning to the cold and classic in its choice of females, some of its favorites being, Iphigenia, Irene, Imogen, Ivias, and Iolanthe. To these ladies the most appealing masculine qualities will be Irony, Idleness, Independence, and Impecuniosity.

I. The most popular letter in the alphabet.

IF. The drawbridge to the Castle of Hope.

ILLUSION. Love’s tailor and Art’s servant.

INK. The stuff that Bills, Books, and Billet-doux are made of.

INNOCENCE. A moral vacuum.

J

, we are confident, takes its shape from one of Venus’s doves. We don’t know which one, but we think it is the Dove of Peace or possibly the Turtle Dove; we are quite sure it is not from the Ring Dove. To strengthen our theory we present herewith a cut of a fragment of a loving cup presented to Cupid at a dinner given in his honor by the Ancient and Honorable Society of Psychic Research, just when we cannot tell, for unfortunately the date is only left in part, but it must have been long, long ago when Love was very young.

There has been much controversy over this fragment, some claiming it to represent a Jay Bird, others a Duck, some an Owl because of the moon in its eye, but _we_ are sure it’s a _love of a Dove_! Why? Because a Jay Bird is blue, a Duck has webbed feet, and an Owl a hooked bill.

It is a jolly letter and has been the beginning of much Joy and foolish Jealousy. The worst thing it ever did was when it started the word Jilt.

The men most attractive to such Jolly girls as Jane, Julia, Josephine, Jemima, Juliet, and Juliana are those of Just but Jovial disposition.

JEALOUSY. Cupid’s shadow.

JEST. See life.

“Life is a jest
And all things show it;
I thought so once—
But now I know it.”

—_Gay’s Epitaph._

JILT. An angel unawares. Originally _Jolt_, _i. e._, a jolt on
the path of True Love which never runs smooth. Schopenhauer in
his great work on Dutch Treats spells it _chilt_, and gives it
as an obsolete past tense of the verb _to chill_.

JOY. The Libretto of Laughter.

JUNE. The time to make hay.

K

The form of the letter K we trace to the Assyrian Cherubis Figure of Karubi, “the mighty,” who stood at the Gateway of Earthly Happiness and guarded the Pathway of True Love. It is strange that these composite boy-bird figures were also known as Shedi. The nearest word we have to which is the Hebrew _shedim_ (devils). Unquestionably it is from the word Karubi that we get our word Kubid or Cupid.

The girls under this sign are usually named Katherine (meaning Pure) or one of its diminutives—Kitty or Kate. They are always Kind and extremely Kissable, while the men are apt to be Keen, Knowledge-seeking, and Knightly.

KHEF. (Pronounced _keff_.) Arabic slang, to loaf happily, to
invite one’s soul. The action of doing nothing.

KINDNESS. The larger half of the other boy’s apple.

KING. The card that takes the Queen.

KISMATE. A young lady one is on kissing terms with.

KISMET. Originally _kiss met_, meaning Good Luck.

KISS. A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual
stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

KISSING. See under mustache. A pastime of the unmarried.

KNEE. An adjustable, animated settee designed for the use of
ladies.

KNOWLEDGE. Dame Nature’s lover.

KNOT. An entanglement.

HALF HITCH OR ENGAGEMENT KNOT

MARRIAGE OR SLIP NOT]