Chapter M

is so ancient that no one really knows where it came from. However, because of the fragment of the jar shown here (see cut), found just outside the Garden of Eden and representing two outsiders bargaining, the origin of this letter has been credited to the Hebrews, and is interesting in showing the politeness of these early people. Money, Moses, and Mercantile all strengthen this theory.

Girls of this letter will be Modest and will have Merry and Magnetic dispositions, and will be most happy when married to Masterful, Manly men of Means.

The one thing to mar this letter is its connection with the word _Mitten_.

MARRIAGE. The conventional ending of a love affair. A lonesome
state.

MEMORY. A thing to forget with.

MIRROR (her mirror). Cupid’s cook stove.

MISERY. Lover of Company.

MODESTY. Conscious purity.

MOLE. The exception that proves the rule.

MONEY. See Uncle.

MONOGAMY. Sometimes spelling _monotony_.

MOON. A planetary old maid who busies herself about other
people’s love affairs and the recipient of love confidences.

MRS. The O. K. of respectability.

MUSTACHE. As Kipling says: “Kissing a man without a mustache is
like eating an egg without salt.” (?) The question was recently
put before the Ten Million subscribers of _The Perfectlady’s
Home Journal_, every one of whom, without a single exception,
replied that she did not know—never having eaten an egg without
salt.

A MASCULINE NOTE:—If SHE is an M girl you will be lucky if HER
name is Malinda or Miriam or Mabel or Miranda or Melicent or
Maud or Mehetabel or Magdalene or Maria or Minerva or Marion or
Minna or Margaret or Matilda or Marcia or Marianne or Melissa
or Martha or Mary.

N

is the sign of the negative, and is found first in the form of an eel on an ancient Egyptian tablet from a lady refusing her hand in marriage and slipping out of it in a nice and graceful manner. Evidently the symbol of polite refusal.

N girls, like Nora and Nancy and Nell will be Nice and Naïve and sometimes Naughty. It is not a popular letter with men because of its association with Nervous, No, Never, and Numb.

NATURE. Dame Nature. The mistress of the House of Life, in
which Love is ever the favored guest.

NEGLECT. A breakfast food of Love.

NEVER! A feminine sign of yielding.

NO. Feminine for _Yes_.

NOTHING. The boundaries of the Universe and of Love.

NUMBER. (Cupid’s Lucky Number) 2.

O

has its origin in the Wedding Ring and is the symbol of Eternity. It seems to have been used by all the peoples of the Earth, as we find it in the Babylonian, Archaic, Old Aramæan, Cypriote, and practically in all writings of all times.

From its very shape it means happiness and content.

O girls will be Orderly, and in olden times were fond of Osculation. The men are often Odd, Ostentatious, and Overbearing.

OCEANS. A minute measure of Love.

OH! An exclamation meaning “this is so sudden.”

ONIONS. Should never be eaten alone.

OPPORTUNITY. An invitation of Fate.

OSCULATION. A game of chance.

OWN. To possess. From _onus_, a burden.

P

in its primitive form was the symbol of pairing, being, as the cut shows, a combination of U and I. The sort of thing a bashful lover would carve on a tree or stone or scratch in the sand when taking a walk with his adored one.

It seems natural that it should stand for Perfume, Poetry, Pastime, Pleasure, Passion, Panacea, Paradise, and Peace.

In Cupid’s Alphabet, to prevent the slightest breath of scandal, it is always placed after the symbol of the wedding ring.

The girls who come within the pale of this letter (see Phyllis, Prudence, Pearl, Penelope, Pauline, Philippa, Phœbe, or Priscilla), will be Petite and Pretty and will have perfect Poise. While the men will be Polite and Polished, great Posers and Poker Players, but Pliable in the hands of woman.

PASSION. The father of Tenderness.

PURITY. The mother of Tenderness. Unconscious modesty. (See
Modesty.)

PAST. Something to be forgotten.

PATIENCE. The tip Time gives to the waiter.

PITY. Love’s half brother.

PLEASURE. True Love’s shadow.

PRUDENCE. “Said Love: ‘How strange we never met before;
But now we’ve met, I hope we’ll meet no more!’”

Q

, as shown by this ancient bit of sculpture, in its original hieroglyphical form represented a lover’s quarrel, and, from the cast of features, presumably an Amorite. This proves it of very ancient origin, as in the early times the Amorites were the dominant race of Syria and Canaan, which are named on the oldest Babylonian monuments “the land of the Amorites.” (See map of Amouria.) There are plenty of Amourites in the world to-day, but they show not the slightest desire to congregate, but, quite to the contrary, can be found wandering off in pairs at the slightest pretext.

Such words as Quibble, Quirk, Quiz, Quip, and Querulous seem to strengthen the unpleasant features of this letter.

Fortunately there are no Q girls; they would be very Queer if there were.

QUESTION. Woman.

R

This form we find first used as the symbol on the seal of Rabsaris, chief of the eunuchs, in the reign of Sennacherib, King of Assyria. The symbol evidently represents Rabsaris at his daily task of watching the ladies of the Royal Harem to see that they did not indulge too freely in sweetmeats. Some wit of the day twisted _Rabsaris_ into _Rabari_, in Assyrian, to stretch, to Rubber, and so a new symbol in the writing of the times was born and _we_ have the letter R.

Not the most cheerful letter in Cupid’s Alphabet, bringing with it as it does, Refusal, Regret, Remorse, Revenge, “Please Remit,” and that great hindrance to Lovers, Reason.

Girls under this sign combine the sweetness of the Rose with the fire and depth of the Ruby, and will be most attracted to those in the opposite sex of Reckless and Roving disposition.

RELIGION. “In the religion of Love the courtesan is a heretic;
but the nun is an atheist.”—_Richard Garnett._

RIBBON. A rope in disguise.

RICE. The confetti of matrimony.

RING. Symbol of slavery.

ROMANCE. _Once_ upon a time. Seldom twice.

ROSE. The hardest working flower in Love’s Garden.

RUFFLE. A frill on the outskirts of good form.

RULE, Golden Rule. “Do unto others,” etc. Canonical extenuation
of Osculation.

S

The story of S is Sadness.

_Monday_ in the Garden and a lovely day. Just enough air stirring to rustle the leaves soothingly.

_Tuesday_, another such day.

_Wednesday_, if anything better.

_Thursday_, a wonderful day, languorous with the perfume of flowers. The birds never sang so sweetly, the butterflies never seemed so brilliant. The little silver brook fell into the lake with so soothing a sound and the drowsy hum of the bee was like a lullaby. Such a dreamy contentment seemed to pervade the whole Garden. Like the breath of a rose a caressing zephyr sighed overhead and creaked ever so little the old signboard nestled among the leaves. The old signboard with this inscription in quaint characters, “_Quamdiu se bene gesserit_.” Adam looked up from where he lolled in the soft grass and smiled as at an old friend. He stretched and drew a deep breath of content. The day seemed the most wonderful he had known.

_Friday_, Black Friday they called it afterward, broke clear and bright, but on the horizon great piles of black cloud and far off the ominous muttering of thunder. All nature seemed nervous and a-tremble. The breeze was fitful and petulant and the hush of some impending evil hung over the Garden. The old signboard creaked sharply. Poor Adam! (Poor Us!!!) There confronting him was this word in fresh bright paint,

“SKYDDU”

(See Note)

That night it rained. Oh, how it rained!

Because this symbol (see cut), pronounced _es_ like the hiss of a serpent, can be traced back to the day the Adams moved, and which stood for Sin, Scandal, Shame, Sorrow, Scorn, Satire, Suspicion, Scowl, and Selfishness, people have been willing to accept Adam’s story, and the poor old serpent has been made the scapegoat in the whole affair.

We have gone very carefully into this matter, and we find that Adam was a lazy poet and dreamer and was put out of Eden for not paying his rent.

The girls under S will be Stylish, Sentimental, Sincere, and Simple in their tastes, while the men will be Silver-tongued and Smooth.

NOTE:—This quaint form of Dispossess Notice we find used all through the Stone and Iron Ages.

SECRET. A feminine invention for the rapid dissemination of
news.

SENSE. The safest fuel for the flame on Love’s Altar.

SENSITIVENESS. A symptom.

SENTIMENT. Baedeker to the Land of Love. Tells you what to
admire.

SIGH. The rustle of a caged cupid’s wings.

SILENCE. If silence gives consent, how is it women marry?

SIN. A matter of opinion. What other people do and we talk
about.

SOFA. A receptacle for spoons.

SPOON. An arrangement for supplying nourishment to the lovesick.

SUSPICION. A hair of the wrong color.

SYMPATHY. Love’s sister.

T

In Adam’s Autobiography we find, toward the end of the sojourn in the Garden, this symbol (see cut on this page) often used and always in this sense, “And being an-hungered we went to the and ate.” Poetic translators of these lines have been pleased to call this symbol “The Tree of Life,” and weave a pretty story around it which fits in with Adam’s folderol about the snake.

We find, however, much used in the Phœnician hieroglyphics, the most ancient of all languages, this symbol, the sign of the usurer or pawn-shop. This unquestionably establishes our version of this garden story. (_See S._) The variation in Adam’s way of writing the symbol is due either to that extreme sense of delicacy which would naturally make him wish to disguise the unpleasant, or to sheer laziness. He was such a poet.

Girls fortunate enough to come under this letter will be Tender and True, and will be most attracted by Tall, Talented, Temperate men.

TELEPHONE. Love’s Telephone Number:—Two Won, O Heaven!!

TEMPTATION. Woman. Anything forbidden. A challenge. An
invitation to don’t.

TENDERNESS. Moonlight.

THREE. A crowd. Love’s unlucky number.

TIME. Woman’s worst enemy. A cure-all.

TRUE LOVE. An old-fashioned sentiment.

TRUST. A love-preserver on the Ship of Joy.

TRUTH. A very painful irritant.

TWO. Company.

U

The old Assyrians, needing men for their many wars, did not believe in Race Suicide. The law therefore was that all men arriving at the age of twenty-three and not married must wear a yoke of wood about the neck until such time as they should wed. (Old bachelors were rare in Assyria.)

It is natural then that the yoke should have become the symbol of bachelorhood. The cut herewith shows this symbol from a tablet from the Epic of Nimrod. U takes its form from this yoke and its sound from the Assyrian _UN_, implying negation, as shown in such words as Unit, Until, Unsafe, Unacceptable, Un-amiable, Unblemished, Unbroken, Uncalled, Undutiful, Unburied, Unfashionable, Unfeeling, Unfruitful, Unpoetic, Unmarried, and Unwise.

U girls are usually Unsophisticated and Unaffected, and the men for them to marry should be Useful, Upright, and Urbane.

UN. A cantankerous prefix which contradicts every adjective it
meets.

UNION. A combination of at least two unmarried states.

US. The plural of U.