Chapter XIV: Part 14

Claudius conceived a wish to have a naval battle in a certain lake[13]; so, after building a wooden wall around it and setting up benches, he gathered an enormous multitude. Claudius and Nero were arrayed in military costume. Agrippina wore a beautiful chlamys woven with gold, and the rest of the people whatever pleased their fancy. Those who were to take part in this sea-fight were condemned criminals, and each side had fifty ships, one party being called Rhodians and the other Sicilians. First they drew close together and after uniting at one spot they addressed Claudius in this fashion: "Salve, imperator, morituri salutamus."[14] Since this afforded them no salvation and they were still ordered to fight, they used simple smashing tactics and took very good care not to harm each other. This went on until they were cut down by outside force. [Somewhat later the Fucinian Lake caved in and Narcissus was severely criticised for it. He presided over the undertaking, and it was thought that after spending a great deal less than he had received[15] he had then purposely contrived the collapse, in order that his villainy might go undetected.]

[A.D. 52-53]

About Narcissus there is a story of how openly, he used to make sport of Claudius. One day when the latter was holding court the Bithynians raised a great outcry against Junius Cilo, their governor, because, as they asserted, he had taken very considerable bribes. Claudius not understanding on account of their noise asked the bystanders what they were saying. Thereupon, instead of telling him the truth, Narcissus said: "They are expressing their gratitude to Junius." Claudius, believing him, rejoined: "Why, he shall have charge of them two years more!"

Agrippina often attended her husband in public, when he was transacting ordinary business, or when he was hearing ambassadors; she sat upon a separate platform. This was surely one of the most remarkable sights of the time.

On one occasion when a certain orator, Julius Gallicus, was pleading a case, Claudius grew vexed and ordered that he be cast into the Tiber, near the banks of which he chanced to be holding court. Domitius Afer, who as an advocate had the greatest ability of his contemporaries, made a very neat joke on this. A man whom Gallicus had disappointed came to Domitius for assistance, whereupon the latter said to him: "And who told you I could swim better than he can?"

Later Claudius fell sick, and Nero entered the senate to promise a
horse-race in case Claudius should regain his health. Agrippina was
leaving no stone unturned to make him popular with the masses and to
cause him to be regarded as the only natural successor to the imperial
throne. Hence it was that she selected the equestrian contest, on which
they doted especially, for Nero to promise in the event of Claudius's
recovery (an outcome against which she sincerely prayed).--Again, after
instigating a riot over the sale of bread she persuaded Claudius to make
known to the populace by public bulletin and to write to the senate
that, if he should die, Nero was fully capable of administering public
interests. In consequence of this he became a power and his name was on
everybody's lips, whereas in regard to Britannicus numbers did not know
of his existence and all others regarded him as idiotic and epileptic;
for this was the declaration that Agrippina gave out.--Well, Claudius
became convalescent and Nero conducted the horse-race in a sumptuous
manner; now, too, he married Octavia, a new circumstance to cause him a
feeling of manly dignity.

[A.D. 53-54]

Nothing seemed to satisfy Agrippina, though all rights
which Livia had possessed were bestowed upon her also and a number of
additional honors had been decreed. She, wielding equal power with
Claudius, desired to have his title outright; and once, when a blaze had
spread over the city to a considerable distance, she accompanied him in
the work of rescue.

[A.D. 54 (a. u. 807)]

[-34-] Claudius was irritated by Agrippina's actions, of which he now began to become aware, and sought to find his son Britannicus. The boy, however, was purposely kept out of his sight by the empress most of the time, for she was doing everything conceivable to secure the right of succession for Nero, since he was her own son by her former husband Domitius. Claudius, who displayed his affection whenever he met Britannicus, was not disposed to endure her behavior and made preparations to put an end to her power, to register his son among the iuvenes, and appoint him as heir to the empire.

This news alarmed Agrippina, who decided to anticipate the emperor's project by poisoning him. Since, however, by reason of the great quantity of wine he was forever drinking and his general habits of life, which all emperors adopt for their protection, he could not easily be harmed, she sent for a drug-woman named Lucusta, a recent captive renowned for the desired skill, and obtaining from her a poison whose effect was sure she put it in one of the vegetables called[16] mushrooms. Then she herself ate of the others in the dish but made her husband eat the one which had the poison; for it was the largest and finest of them. The victim of this plot was carried out of the banquet apparently quite overcome by strong drink, but that had happened many times before. During the night the poison took effect and he passed away, without having been able to say or hear a word. It was the thirteenth of October, and he had lived sixty-three years, two months, and thirteen days, having been emperor thirteen years, eight months and twenty days. Agrippina's rapid vengeance had been aided by the fact that before her attempt she had despatched Narcissus to Campania, feigning that he needed to take the waters there for his gout. Had he been present, she would never have done the deed, such extreme care did he take of his master. His death followed hard upon that of Claudius, and he left behind him a reputation for power unequaled by any man of that age. His property amounted to more than ten thousand myriads, and cities and kings were dependent upon him. Even when he was on the point of being slain, he managed to execute a brilliant coup. He had charge of the correspondence of Claudius and had in his possession letters containing secret information against Agrippina and others: all of these he burned before his death.

And he was slain beside the tomb of Messalina,--a coincidence
manifestly intended by chance, to satisfy her vengeance.

[-35-] In such fashion did Claudius meet his end. It seemed that indications of this event were given in advance by the comet star, which was seen over a wide expanse of territory, by the shower of blood, by the bolt that descended upon the standards of the Pretorians, by the opening of its own accord of the temple of Jupiter Victor, by the swarming of bees in the camp, and by the fact that one representative of each political office died. The emperor received the state burial and all the other honors obtained by Augustus. Agrippina and Nero feigned sorrow for the man whom they had killed, and elevated to heaven him whom they had carried out in a state of collapse from the banquet. On this point Lucius Junius Gallic, brother of Seneca, was the author of a most witty saying. Seneca himself had composed a work that he called Gourdification,--a word made on the analogy of "deification"; and his brother is credited with expressing a great deal in one short sentence. For whereas the public executioners were accustomed to drag the bodies of those killed in prison to the Forum with large hooks, and thence hauled them to the river, he said that Claudius must have been raised to heaven with a hook. Nero has also left us a remark not unworthy of record. He declared mushrooms to be the food of the gods, because Claudius by means of a mushroom had become a god.

[Footnote:1 A reference to Book Forty-four, chapter 26 (the Return of the "Party of the Peiræus").]

[Footnote 2: Adopting Canter's emendation. [Greek: eithismenou] for the unintelligible [Greek: ois men oute] of the MSS.]

[Footnote 3: The drinking of warm water ranked among the ancients as a luxurious practice. (Compare the end of chapter 14, Book Fifty-seven, and the end of chapter 11, Book Fifty-nine.)]

[Footnote 4: An emendation by Leunclavius, based on Suetonius, Life of Claudius, chapter 24 (fin.).]

[Footnote 5: A small gap in the MS. is here filled according to Oddey.]

[Footnote 6: A line of Homer's occurring in the Iliad once (XXIV, 369) and in the Odyssey twice (XVI, 72, and XXI, 133).]

[Footnote 7: Because monopolies of selling them had been conceded for huge sums to avaricious tradesmen.]

[Footnote 8: This is an error. Mithridates of Bosporus is the person actually meant.]

[Footnotes 9: These two quotations are to be found in Kock (_Fragmenta Comicorum Græcorum_) Vol. III, p. 499. They are Nos. 487 and 488 of the [Greek: Adespota Opoteras]. Kock sees no reason for assigning them specifically to the New Comedy (as Meineke has done).]

[Footnote 10: For a further discussion of this isolated statement (from Suidas) see Mommsen, _Staatsrecht_, III, p. 912, note 1.]

[Footnote 11: From an examination of Suetonius, Life of Claudius, chapter 25, it seems likely that Dio wrote "cities" (plural), referring to all the Italian towns.]

[Footnote 12: "Of charioteers" is undoubtedly the sense.]

[Footnote 13: The same _locus Fucinus_ that is presently mentioned again.]

[Footnote 14: "Hail, emperor, we about to die salute thee."]

[Footnote 15: This verb is a mere conjecture by one of the editors. The MS. reading, "he had hoped," is, of course, corrupt.]

[Footnote 16: Dio probably says "called" here because the Greek word he uses for "mushrooms" has many other meanings, such as snuff of a wick, scab, knob, etc.]