Chapter III (1)

If Bacchus the victory gain,
On the ground tho' I'm motionless laid;
All agree it, _a truth very plain_,
'Tis better be _drunk_ than be _dead_.

And very probably the Greek philosopher had wine in view, when he caused an inscription to be made over his door in these words, in capitals, "Here are remedies for all sorts of afflictions: here are cures for all distempers of the soul."

The philosopher so often quoted by Seneca, desired no more than bread and cheese, to rival Jupiter in happiness. For my part, though I am no less a philosopher, yet I desire nothing to effect this but good wine. For when I take a hearty glass, I find myself so much transported with joy, that I could almost cry out with that little fool in the Latin comedy[10], "Now could I pardon any one that would kill me, so much afraid am I lest some accident may trouble the purity of my happiness, and mingle some ungrateful bitter with the exquisite sweets I now enjoy." And, indeed, it is amongst bottles and glasses that one may truly say,

-------- "Mediis videat discumbere in astris,
Cum Jove, et Iliacâ porrectum sumere dextrâ
Immortale merum[11]."

Far from the earth remov'd in realms above,
I seem amongst the stars to sit with Jove:
Lolling in ease celestial, lie supine,
And taste from Ganymede immortal wine.

And without doubt Asclepiades had all this in his head, when he maintained that the gods produced nothing that equalled wine in goodness. Philostratus is much of the same sentiment, who after having taken notice of the edict of the Emperor Domitian, who forbad men to be castrated, and vines to be planted, he adds, that this admirable emperor did not reflect that he made the earth in some sort an eunuch, at the same time that he spared men.

Varro sounded the praise of drunkenness in terms no less pathetic.

"Vino nil quicquam jucundius eluet,
Hoc continet coagulum convivii;
Hoc hilaritatis dulce seminarium
Hoc ægritudinem ad medendam invenerunt."[11a]

Than wine no orient jewels finer play,
And dart more pleasantly their glittering ray.
This vital juice, the cream of all the feast,
Strong cement, close uniting every breast,
The sweet prolific seed of gay desires,
Bright mirth, and gen'rous amity inspires.
This was found out a certain remedy
To set mankind from all distempers free.

Monsieur La Motte, whom I must ever admire for his inimitable Court Fables, before mentioned, will furnish us with a beautiful ode to close this chapter[12].

"Bacchus contre moi tout conspire,
Viens me consoler de mes maux:
Je vois au mépris de la lire
Couronner d'indignes rivaux.

Tout me rend la vie importune
Une volage me trahit,
J'eus peu de bien de la fortune,
L'injustice me le ravit.

Mon plus cher ami m'abandonne,
En vain j'implore son secours,
Et la calomnie empoisonne.
Le reste de mes tristes jours.

Bacchus viens me verser a boire
Encore----bon----je suis soulagé,
Chaque coup m'ôte la memoire
Des maux qui m'avoient affligé.

Verse encore----je vois l'allegresse
Nager sur le jus precieux.
Donne, redouble----O douce yvresse!
Je suis plus heureux que les dieux."

Help, Bacchus, or I'm quite undone,
All things against my peace conspire;
Unworthy rivals many a one,
I find, despising song and lyre.

My life's entirely irksome grown,
By an inconstant I'm betray'd,
On that small fortune, once my own,
Injustice has severely prey'd.

Forsaken by my dearest friend,
In vain his succour I implore;
And calumnies rank poisons send,
And what is left of life devour.

Bacchus, some wine; fill higher yet
Again----so----I some comfort find;
Each smiling glass makes me forget
Those evils that have rack'd my mind.

Some more----I see gay images
On the rich surface sprightly move,
Fill double----O sweet drunkenness!
I'm happier than the gods above.

[Footnote 1: Virgil. Æneid. lib. vi. v. 713.]

[Footnote 2: Lib. 3. Etymol.]

[Footnote 3: Rec. Poes.]

[Footnote 4: Miscel. vol. i.]

[Footnote 5: Rec. de Poes.]

[Footnote 6: Jul. Capit. Hist. Aug. Script. fol. p. 359.]

[Footnote 7: Nicol. Rec. de Vers. p. 44.]

[Footnote 8: Seneca de Tranquil.]

[Footnote 9: Lib. i. ode 18.]

[[Footnote 9a: Horace, _Odes_ I.vii.17-19.]]

[[Footnote 9b: Horace, _Epistulae_ I.v.16-20.]]

[[Footnote 9c: Ovid, _Ars Amatoria_ I.237-242.]]

[Footnote 10: Nunc est profecto cum me patior interfici, ne hoc
gaudium aliquâ contaminetur ægritudine. --_Eunuch._]

[Footnote 11: Statii Sil. 2. lib. iv.]

[[Footnote 11a: Varro, Menippean Satires, fragment from _Est
modus matulae_.]]

[Footnote 12: Ode ix. Anacr.]

CHAP. III.

THAT IT IS GOOD FOR ONE'S HEALTH TO GET DRUNK SOMETIMES.

Although mirth and joy be absolutely necessary to health, yet it must be allowed that there are a great many pleasures very injurious and prejudicial to it; and we should act with precaution in using those we make choice of[1]. But this precaution is not necessary in those we seek in the sweet juice of the grape. So far is drunkenness from prejudicing our health, that, on the contrary, it highly preserves it. This is the sentiment of the most able physicians. These worthy gentlemen are arbiters of life and death. They have over us, _jus vitæ et necis_. We must therefore believe them. _Ergo_, let us heartily carouse. Every one knows that Hippocrates, the prince of physicians, prescribes getting drunk once a month, as a thing very necessary to the conservation of health; for, according to him, in the words of a certain French lady [2],

"Une utile et douce chaleur
Fait qu'on pense au sortir de table
Avoir pris de cet or potable,
Qui triomphe des ans, qui chasse la douleur,
Qui fait tout, et qui par malheur
N'a jamais été qu'une fable."

When from the bottle, flush'd with wine, we rise,
The brisk effluvia brighten in our eyes;
This sweet and useful warmth still makes us think,
That cups of potable rich gold we drink,
Which baffles time, and triumphs over years,
Drives away grief, and sad perplexing cares;
Does all, and yet in fables sweet disguise,
O dire mishap! its only essence lies.

"Avicenna and Rasis, most excellent physicians of Arabia, say[3], that it is a thing very salutary and wholesome to get drunk sometimes."

Monsieur Hofman confirms what has been just now said in relation to Avicenna, and adds thereto the testimony of another physician. "Avicenna," says he[4], "absolutely approves getting drunk once or twice every month, and alleges for it physical reasons." --Dioscorides says, "That drunkenness is not always hurtful, but that very often it is necessary for the conservation of health." --Homer says, "That Nestor, who lived so long, tossed off huge bocals of wine[5]."

Monsieur Hofman believes also, that wine is an excellent preservative against distempers, and of an admirable use in their cure. In like manner, several divines believe, that there is no manner of harm in getting drunk, when it is done for health's sake and not for pleasure. In this class one may reckon Pere Taverne, a Jesuit[6]. These are his words: "Drunkenness," says he, "is a mortal sin, if one falls into it for pleasure only; but if one gets drunk for any honest end, as for example, by direction of one's physician in order to recover health, there is no manner of harm in it at all."

But, however, not to digress too much from our subject, to preserve their health the Africans drink a great deal of wine; and this they do to help the digestion of the vast quantity of fruits they eat.

Montaigne[7] tells us, that he heard Silvius, an excellent physician of Paris, say, "That to keep up the powers of the stomach, that they faint not, it would be very proper to rouze them up once a month by this wholesome excess. And if we believe Regnier, a young physician does not see so far as an old drunkard[8].

We also say with the French poet[9],

"Si Bourdaloue[10] un peu severe
Nous dit: craignez la volupté
Escobar[10], lui dit on mon pere
Nous la permet pour la santé!"

If Bourdaloue, somewhat severe,
Warns us to dread voluptuous sweets,
Good honest father Escobar,
To fuddle for one's health permits.

And, by the bye, if the number of physicians, who used to get drunk, proves any thing, I could insert a good round catalogue, amongst whom I do not find any English doctors, for they are the most abstemious persons in the world; however, being unwilling to trouble my gentle reader with so long a bead-roll, I shall instance only two very illustrious topers of the faculty. The first is no less a man than the great Paracelsus, who used to get drunk very often; and the other is the famous master Dr. Francis Rabelais, who took a singular pleasure to moisten his clay; or to make use of one of his own expressions, _Humer le piot_.

I could, after these, mention Patin[11], who tells us, That when he gave his public entertainment for his _decanat_, or deanship, at which thirty-six of his colleagues assisted, he never saw in all his life so much toping. From all which, however, one may very reasonably infer, that so many able persons would never have drunk so much, had they not thought it was no ways prejudicial to their health.

To conclude, let any one allege this verse as a maxim, that

Pocula non lædunt paucula, multa nocent.

It does no harm to take a glass or two,
But in great numbers mighty ills accrue.

And I shall do myself the honour to answer him with another verse, that sometimes

Una salus sanis multam potare salutem[12].

The only health to people hale and sound,
Is to have many a tippling health go round.

And that this is true, witness the great Hippocrates, who says,

That what to health conduceth best,
Is fuddling once a month at least[13].

[Footnote 1: _Voluptates ut mel summo digito degustandæ non plerâ
manu sumendæ._ Dionys. Sophron. apud Philostr.]

[Footnote 2: Mad. Deshoul. t. ii. ep. p. 104.]

[Footnote 3: Div. Lec. de P. Messie, part ii. ch. 15.]

[Footnote 4: Hofman, t. ii. 9 dissert. ch. 6.]

[Footnote 5: Bocal, an Italian word, and signifies a pot or jug
holding about three pints.]

[Footnote 6: Synopses Theolog. Pract.]

[Footnote 7: Essays, lib. ii. cap. 2.]

[Footnote 8: Satir.]

[Footnote 9: Boileau.]

[Footnote 10: The names of two jesuits, the former a famous
preacher, and the other as famous a casuist.]

[Footnote 11: Esprit de Pat. p. 51.]

[Footnote 12: Owen, Ep.]
[[John Owen (1564-1622): _possibly_ I.ii.42.]]

[Footnote 13:
Qu'il faut a chaque mois.
Du moin s'enyvrer une fois.
Fureteriana.]

CHAP. IV.

THAT OLD PEOPLE OUGHT TO GET DRUNK SOMETIMES.

Wine taken with some excess is excellent for old people.

---- Ubi jam validis quassatum est viribus ævi
Corpus et obtusis ceciderunt viribus artus[1].

When shaken by the powerful force of age
The body languid grows, and ev'ry joint
Its proper juice exhal'd, all feeble droops.

And is not the reason plain? because it moistens their dry temperament, and nourishes their radical moisture. Hence came the proverb, which says, "That wine is the milk of old men[2]." Tirellus, in his history, declares the same thing, when he says, "That wine is the nutriment of natural heat[3]." Conformably to this truth that old man acted, of whom Seneca makes mention, who being pressed to drink wine cooled in snow, said, "That his age made him cold enough, and that he did not desire to be more cold than he was[4]." Than which, certainly no answer could be more just and true.

Besides, the infirmities of an advanced age require some consolation and diversion. Let us see what Montaigne says, who was not much given to tippling; for he plainly says, that his gout and complexion were greater enemies to drunkenness than his discourse. His words are these, "The inconveniencies attending old age, which stand in need of some support and refreshment, might with reason produce in me a desire of this faculty, since it is as it were the last pleasure that the course of years steals from us. The natural heat, say the boon companions, begins first at the feet; this is the case of infancy; thence it ascends to the middle region, where it continues a long while, and there produces in my mind the only true pleasures of the corporal life; at last exhaling itself like a vapour, it moves upwards, till it comes to the throat, and there it makes its last little stay[5]."

Athenæus, after Theophrastus, says, That wine drives away those irksome inquietudes to which old people are unhappily subject[6]. And to conclude, the divine Plato assures us, that, "Wine is a medicine as well for the body as the mind, the dryness of old people have great occasion for this kind of moistening, and their severe genius of the brisk gaiety inspired by wine, without which they would not be able to perform their part in the concert, and consequently would be no longer useful members in the commonwealth, which is no other ways supported and preserved than by harmony."

[Footnote 1: Lucret. lib. iii.]

[Footnote 2: Vinum lac senum.]

[Footnote 3: Vina calidi innati pabula.]

[Footnote 4: Ætas meo frigore contenta est.]

[Footnote 5: Essays, lib. ii. cap. 2.]

[Footnote 6: Lib. xi. cap. 7.]

CHAP. V.

THAT WINE CREATES WIT.

As wine increases the quantity of animal spirits, by the fumes which it sends to the brain, it is easy to comprehend that it cannot but be of great advantage to dull and heavy wits; so that one may particularly apply to them the common proverb, "Wine sets an edge to wit[1]." And the emblem of Adr. Junius, in which he represents Bacchus as a youth with wings on, and with this inscription, "Wine kindles wit[2]," agrees admirably well with these people. But the application of both proverb and emblem is no less just in relation to all the world; for it is most certain, that the god Bacchus, by warming the thoughts, renders them more acute, and inspires a greater plenty of witty sallies. For "Bacchus had not the name of Lysian, or Opener, if I may use the term, bestowed upon him for nothing but purely because he opens the mind, by putting it into an agreeable humour, and renders it more subtile and judicious[3]." For this reason it is grown into a proverb, That water-drinkers are not near so knowing as those who drink wine[4].

Plutarch assures us, That wine collects and increases the powers of the mind. He observes also, That it produces excellent effects on the minds of persons, who, though naturally timid, want no penetration. Plato maintains, as I have observed in the foregoing chapter, That wine warms as well the mind as the body. Monsieur Hofman says a great deal more, viz. That experience proves, that those climates which produce good wine, produce also people that "have infinitely more wit than those of the north, who drink nothing but beer. Gryllus believes, That the Greeks were called fathers of wisdom, on account of the excellency of their wine; and, that they lost their ancient lustre by reason of the Turks rooting out their vines. The Heathens placed Pallas and Bacchus in the same temple, to shew, that wine increased their wisdom, and that the Gods were represented wiser than men, only because they drank nectar and ambrosia."

In respect of poets the world was always so sensible of the necessity they lay under, of having their imagination roused by wine, that nobody ever had any good opinion of the productions of a poet that drank water, that _Non est Dythyrambus si aquam bibat_; and wine was called the poets great horse. "There never were any excellent poets," says Mr. Bayle, "that could versify, till after drinking pretty plentifully[5]."

And if we believe Plato, "He could never open the gates of poesy till he was a little beyond himself. The soul can speak nothing grand, or above the common, if it be not somewhat agitated[6]."

Horace[7], who knew by experience this truth, goes yet farther.

Nulla placere diu, nec vivere carmina possint,
Quæ scribuntur aquæ potoribus.

Poor water-drinkers sing an irksome tune,
Short-liv'd their numbers, and their airs jejune.

Ovid bewailed himself very bitterly for want of wine in his exile.

"Impetus ille sacer, qui vatum pectora nutrit
Qui prius in nobis esse solebat, abest."[7a]

That sacred rage that feeds a poet's breast,
Common to me, is now no more possest.

La Motte[8], my beloved Frenchman, has something not unlike it.

"Loin une raison trop timide
Les froids poetes qu'elle guide
Languissent et tombent souvent.
Venez yvresse temeraire,
Transports ignorez du vulgaire
Tels que vous m'agitiez vivant."

Away, too fearful reason, haste, be gone,
Those frozen poets, whom thy phantoms guide,
Languish, and often feebly slide,
Down to the lowest ebb of wretchless song,
Insipid notes, and lifeless numbers sing.
O come, sweet drunkenness, thou heady thing,
With transports to the vulgar herd unknown,
Which agitates my soul, and gives it wing.
With kind enthusiasms then ecstatic grown,
It takes unusual flights, sublimely soars,
Spurns the dull globe below, and endless worlds explores.

One may very well apply to Bacchus, what the same gentleman says of the graces in this ode[9].

"Tout fleurit par vous au Parnasse,
Apollon languit, et nous glace,
Sitot que vous l'avez quitté,
Mieux que les traits les plus sublimes
Vous allez verser sur mes rimes
Le don de l'immortalité.

The sprightly influence you shed,
Bright constellation! makes Parnassus gay.
Apollo droops and hangs his head,
His frozen fingers know not how to play;
And we his sons the sad distemper find,
Which chills the fancy, and benumbs the mind,
When cruel you withdraw your magic ray.
You finely paint on ev'ry rhyme
Features most noble and sublime,
Resplendent all the images,
In rich immortal draperies.
You give me colours that can never die,
But baffle time, and live through all eternity.

It is to wine we owe the productions of Eschylus and Anacreon, whose muses were very chilly, till Bacchus warmed them. Aurelius, the sophist, composed his best declamations in his cups. Herodes, called Saginatus Orator, the fattened Orator, never talked better, than after drinking pretty plentifully. And according to Horace, this was the case with Ennius.

"Ennius ipse pater nunquam nisi potus ad arma
Prosiluit dicenda ------------ [10]."

Ennius himself ne'er sung of arms,
Martial exploits and wars alarms,
Till the good father's face did shine,
Enrich'd with ruby beams of wine.

Alcæus, the famous poet, never sat down to compose tragedy till he was tipsy. The disciples of the great Paracelsus took the opportunity, when he was fuddled, to make him dictate. The venerable Messire Francis Rabelais composed over the bottle the acts and jests of Gargantua, and his son Pantagruel, a work which gained him such great reputation. "Pontius de Thiard, bishop of Chalons sur Saone, had greater obligations to Bacchus than Apollo for his good verses; who, not reckoning what wine he drank all day long, never slept without drinking a pretty large bottle[11]." So true is it, that

"A la fontaine ou s'enyvre Boileau
Le grand Corneille et le sacré troupeau
De ces auteurs que l'on ne trouve guere
Un bon rimeur doit boire a pleine éguyere,
S'il veut donner un bon tour au rondeau[12]."

At that rich fountain where the great Boileau,
Corneille, Racine, to whom so much we owe,
Th' immortal Dryden, and the sacred band
Of those bright authors, whom we cannot find,
Whose names, (so does oblivion's power command,)
Alas! we no where know,
Supp'd largely to inebriate their mind.
Here a good versifier, fond of rhime,
Should swill, to make his jingling couplets chime.

From hence, good natur'd B----d, arose your flame,
Hence your inimitable numbers came,
When you so prais'd his house and Buckingham.

And certainly Cicero was much in the wrong, when he said, that "what people do when they are drunk, is not done with the same approbation as if they were sober; they hesitate, and often recall themselves, and frame a weaker judgment of what they see[13]." But had he consulted experience, he would have found that drunkenness, far from making people fearful, inspires them with boldness and temerity.

[Footnote 1: Vinum acuit ingenium.]

[Footnote 2: Vinum ingenii fomes.]

[Footnote 3: Hist. des. vii. sag. p. 123.]

[Footnote 4: Non idem sapere possunt qui aquam et qui vinum
bibunt.]

[Footnote 5: Resp. aux Quest. d'un Prov. t. i. ch. 12.]

[Footnote 6: Sive Platoni credimus, frustra poetices fores compos
sui pepulit. Non potest grande aliquid et supra cæteros loqui nisi
mota mens.]

[Footnote 7: 1 Ep. xix. 3.]

[[Footnote 7a: Ovid, _Ex Ponto_ IV.ii.25-26.]]

[Footnote 8: La Motte, Ode Pind. 1.]

[Footnote 9: Ode 2. Pindar.]

[Footnote 10: Ep. xix. 7.]

[Footnote 11: Menagiana, t. i. p. 384.]

[Footnote 12: ---- p. 189.]

[Footnote 13: Ne vinolenti quidem quæ faciunt qua' sobrii,
hesitant, revocant se interdum, usque quæ videntur, imbecillius
assentiuntur. Acad. Quest. lib. 4.]

CHAP. VI.

THAT WINE MAKES ONE ELOQUENT.

What wretch so dull, but eloquent must grow,
When the full goblets with persuasive wine,
Inebriate with bright eloquence divine?

Fæcundi calices quem non fecere disertum?[a]

Let us make a few commentaries on this verse of Horace.

We read, that "the sages of Portugal having undertaken to convert those of Melinda, gained as much upon them by wine as by reason, which, in the end, facilitated the conquest of the whole country[1]."

To draw a consequence from this, we say, That one must reasonably believe, that wine gave those sages an eloquence necessary to convert the people of Melinda, and them a necessary penetration to discover the truth through the thick veils of their ignorance.

Books of travels farther inform us, that "the priests of the kingdom of Tibet, whom they call Lamas, drink a good quantity of wine on their days of fasting and devotion, that they may have, to use their own words, the tongue prompt and ready to say their orisons[2]."

According to this doctrine, Palingenius was much in the wrong to say, that wine makes churchmen uncapable to perform the duties of their function.

Nec bene tractabit vinosus sacra sacerdos[3].

No priest, who tipples wine that's good,
Will do his duty as he should.

Surely our author never conversed much with the religious. The friers would have told him, they never perform their office without taking a choir cup. Experto crede Roberto, as the saying is. There is no false Latin in this, says a good monk to me once upon a time, drawing from under his cassock a double flask. You are much in the right on't, brother Peter, said I, I believe as the church believes, and so--my service to you, and here's to the pious memory of St. Boniface. And indeed the vehicle proved capaciously orthodox.

In relation to what hath been said I shall add a remark of the famous M. Bayle. "It cannot be denied," says he, "that the christians of Europe are subject to two great vices, drunkenness and lewdness. The first of these reigns in cold countries, the other in hot. Bacchus and Venus share these two climates between them. We find that the reformation having divided this portion of christianity, that part which was subject to Venus continues as it was, but the greatest part of what was subject to Bacchus has renounced popery[4]."

But you will say, what coherence has this remark with the matter in question? Have a little patience, and you shall presently see the application. I say then, that a thorough true blue hearty Protestant would conclude from this quotation, that wine bestowed so much eloquence and penetration to these northern people, as to put them into that happy state, to discover the truth, and conquer all prejudices against it whatsoever. But of this enough.

Pon, pon; pata pon: tara rara, pon pon[5].

[[Footnote a: Horace, _Epistulae_ I.v.19. (_Same passage as note
2:9b._)]]

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur Rabel. t. i. lib. 1. cap. 5.]

[Footnote 2: Divers. cur.]

[Footnote 3: Lib. iii. p. m. 43.]

[Footnote 4: Bayle Dict. t. ii. p. 1163.]

[Footnote 5: Racine.]

CHAP. VII.

THAT WINE ACQUIRES FRIENDS, AND RECONCILES ENEMIES.

Friendship is a good so precious and valuable, and at the same time so very rare, that one cannot take too much care in order to procure it. The most efficacious means to do this is feasting. It is by eating and drinking together that conversation becomes more easy and familiar; and, to use the words of Monsieur de la Mothe le vayer, "We hold, that table communion unites people's very souls, and causes the strictest friendships." Unde Philotetius Crater[1]. And, in reality, can any thing be more agreeable and engaging, than to take a friendly bottle in pleasant and delightful company?

And therefore Cleomedes had great reason to say, "Take away the pleasures of the table, where we open ourselves so agreeably to each other, and you rob us of the sweetest cordial of human life[2]." This was also the sentiment of Cicero, in his Book of old Age; of Aristotle, in his Ethics; and Plutarch, in his Questions. Let who will, then, look on trencher friends to be false, and say with those of whom Ovid makes mention,

Dum fueris felix multos numerabis amicos,
Tempora si fuerint nubila, solus eris.[2a]

In happy times, while riches round you flow,
A thousand friends their obligations own,
But when loud adverse winds begin to blow,
And darksome clouds appear, you're left alone.

Daily experience teaches us, that one of the best means to push one's fortune, is often to regale with those who are in credit; for, to one that may have ruined himself by so doing, ten have made their fortunes. We may therefore say of entertainments, that,

Hæc res et jungit, et junctos servat amicos.[2b]

These unite friends, and strictly keep them so.

But what is more, wine does the office of a mediator between enemies. Of which truth I shall instance two illustrious examples, M. Crassus reconciled himself to Cicero at a feast; Asdrubal and Scipio did the same on the like occasion. And one may see, in a description which a very learned person[3] has given of Switzerland, that when the inhabitants of that country quarrel with one another, and come to blows, they are immediately reconciled, by returning to their cups, and no harm ensues, but sitting up all night, and amicably getting drunk together. The Latin has more force in it, which I shall therefore here transcribe. _Quin et si quando vehementius in se insurgunt, depositis in medium armis, pugnis rem manibusque decernunt, sed eodem momento conveniunt, iisdemque epulis, iisdemque poculis à quibus surrexere conciliantibus; et nullo alio ex contentionibus damno, nisi quod innovata pocula in noctem ducantur._

Tacitus had said the same thing long before of the Germans.

But to come nearer. The bishop of Bitonto, one of the fathers of the Council of Trent, and a famous preacher, frequently in his sermons, exhorting the Germans to unity, and to return to the church, made use of this topic of friendly drinking, conjuring them thereto as undoubtedly, by the strongest, and most efficacious argument he could make use of, by remembering how merry and sociable heretofore they had been in their cups.

[Footnote 1: Dial. 2. d'Or, Tuber. p. m. 118.]

[Footnote 2: Hist. 7 Sap.]

[[Footnote 2a: Ovid, _Tristia_ I.ix.5-6.
_First line is more often read as_
Donec eris sospes (_or_ felix) ...]]

[[Footnote 2b: Horace, _Satire_ I.iii.54.]]

[Footnote 3: Dan. Eremit. Descript. p. 416.]

CHAP. VIII.

THAT THE CUSTOM OF GETTING DRUNK IS MOST ANCIENT.

After having displayed the good qualities of wine and drunkenness, I come now to shew, that it is generally received by all the world. To do this effectually I shall enter into some particular detail, and after having remarked, _en passant_, how the custom of fuddling is very ancient, I shall then shew, that the primitive christians used to get drunk: I shall speak something of the tippling of churchmen in general, afterwards I shall take a cursory review of popes, saints, and bishops, then I shall come to kings and emperors, and give a small catalogue of these illustrious topers; I shall not forget the philosophers, and much less the poets, who loved drinking. Freemasons, and other learned men, who after having wearied themselves with important studies have taken this diversion, shall also appear upon the stage. After this I shall enumerate the several nations that have been, and those which yet are subject to get fuddled; whether they make use of wine for that purpose, or such liquors as produce the same effect with wine. And from this enumeration I shall draw some consequences in favour of drunkenness.

But before I enter into this detail, I hope I shall be permitted a general remark, which is, that my readers must not expect I should set down a complete list of all the several sorts of topers I just now mentioned; such an exactitude would take up too much time. Much sooner may one reckon up what numbers die away every spring by the doctor; and how many dispose of their maidenheads before marriage.

In every different class you will find no other jolly drinkers, but such as I have met with in my great reading, and as shall occur to my remembrance. Neither shall I be very scrupulous in placing them according to the strict rules of chronology, but put them down as they present themselves to my imagination.

If the antiquity of a custom makes it always good and laudable, certainly drunkenness can never deserve sufficient recommendation. Every one knows, that Noah got drunk after he had planted the vine. There are some who pretend to excuse him, that he was not acquainted with the strength of wine. But to this it may very well be answered, that it is not very probable so wise a man as Noah should plant a vine without knowing its nature and property. Besides, it is one thing to know, whether he got drunk at all: and another, whether he had an intention to do so.

But if we give any credit to several learned persons, Noah was not the first man that got fuddled. Father Frassen maintains, "That people fed on flesh before the flood, and drank wine. There is no likelihood, according to him, that men contented themselves with drinking water for fifteen or sixteen hundred years together. It is much more credible, that they prepared a drink more nourishing and palatable. These first men of the world were endued with no less share of wit than their posterity, and, consequently, wanted no industry to invent every thing that might contribute to make them pass their lives agreeably. Jesus Christ says, that in the days of Noah, before the Flood, men married, and gave their children in marriage. These people, Father Frassen observes, regaled each other, and made solemn entertainments. Now who can imagine, that they drank at those festivals nothing but water, and fed only on fruits and herbs! Noah, therefore, was not the inventor of that use which we make of the grape; the most that he did, was only to plant new vines[1]."

This good father was not singular in his opinion; another very learned person also believed, that from the passage of Scripture above cited, one might draw a very probable argument, that men before the flood drank wine, and that too even to be drunk[2].

As for Procopius of Gaza[3], one of the most ancient interpreters of Scripture, he thinks it no less true, that the vine was known in the world before Noah's time, but he does not allow that the use of wine was known before that patriarch, whom he believes to be the inventor of it.

[Footnote 1: Disq. Biblic. Journ. des Sçavans.]

[Footnote 2: Jo. Chr. Becman. Annal. Hist.]

[Footnote 3: Torner de Ebriet. lib. i. c. 3.]

CHAP. IX.

THAT THE PRIMITIVE CHRISTIANS GOT DRUNK.

There is no one that has ever so little dipped into ecclesiastical history, but knows very well, that in the primitive church it was a custom to appoint solemn feasts on the festivals of martyrs. This appears by the harangue of Constantine, and from the works of St. Gregory Nazianzen, and St. Chrysostom. People generally got drunk at these feasts; and this excess was looked upon as a thing that might be permitted. This evidently appears by the pathetic complaints of St. Augustin and St. Cyprian: the former of these holy fathers expresses himself after this manner:---- "Drunken debauches pass as permitted amongst us, so that people turn them into solemn feasts, to honour the memory of the martyrs; and that not only on those days which are particularly consecrated to them, (which would be a deplorable abuse to those, who look at these things with other eyes than those of the flesh,) but on every day of the year[1]."

St. Cyprian, in a treatise attributed to him, says much the same thing. "Drunkenness, says he, is so common with us in Africa, that it scarce passes for a crime. And do we not see Christians forcing one another to get drunk, to celebrate the memory of the martyrs[2]!"

But it was not only at these repasts that the Christians got drunk, they did the same on several other occasions; and it was on this account that St. Augustin wrote to his dear Alipius in these terms: "However the corruption of manners, and the unhappiness of the times, have induced us to wish, I do not say that people should not get drunk in particular houses, but that they should not get drunk any where else[3]."

Cardinal du Perron tells us, "That the Manichæans said, that the Catholicks were people much given to wine, but that they never drank any[4]."

Against this charge St. Augustin no otherwise defends them, than by recrimination. He answers, "That it was true, but that they (the Manichæans) drank the juice of apples, which was more delicious than all the wines and liquors in the world. And so does Tertullian, which liquor pressed from apples, he says, was most strong and vinous." His words are, _Succum ex pomis vinosissimum_[5].

Here one may observe also, that the use of cider was very primitive and antient, but as strong and delicious as it was, the Catholicks stuck close to the juice of the grape, as what was entirely orthodox and no wise conversant with the heretics of those days.

But to return to these feasts just now mentioned, it is certain, that it was not only customary for the Christians of Africa to get drunk. They had this custom in common with the Christians of Italy, where these kinds of repasts were forbidden by the Council of Laodicea, which was held in the fourth century. Paulinus, however, (and I do not wonder at it, being a poet,) has endeavoured to excuse the Christians, on pretence that they only got drunk out of a good intention, which, say the casuists, judges all human actions[6]. His words are,

---- "Ignoscenda tamen puto talia parvis
Gaudia quæ ducunt epulis, quia mentibus error.
Irrepit rudibus, nec tantæ conscia culpæ
Simplicitas pietate cadit, male credula sanctos
Perfusis halante mero gaudere sepulchris.[6a]

But yet that mirth in little feasts enjoy'd,
I think should ready absolution find;
Slight peccadillo of an erring mind,
Artless and rude, of all disguises void,
Their simple hearts too easy to believe
(Conscious of nothing ill) that saints in tombs
Enshrin'd should any happiness perceive
From quaffing cups, and wines ascending fumes,
Must be excus'd, since what they did they meant,
With piety ill plac'd, yet good intent.

[Footnote 1: Ep. 22.]

[Footnote 2: Pamel. p. 416.]

[Footnote 3: Ep. 29.]

[Footnote 4: Perron, p. 64.]

[Footnote 5: Ibid.]

[Footnote 6: Quicquid agunt homines intentio judicat omne.]

[[Footnote 6a: St. Paulinus of Nola (Paulinus Nolensis),
_possibly_ Carmen IX. in St. Felicem.]]

CHAP. X.

OF CHURCHMEN.

If one formed a judgment of the manner of Churchmen's lives by their discourses, certainly one would take them for models of sobriety. But there is a great deal of difference between preaching and practising. This distinction is very solid, and daily experience confirms it. And if those gentlemen would do themselves justice, how many amongst them might say in particular,

Alas! how can I ever dare pretend,
From man this ancient error to remove,
Which they, ev'n to distraction, fondly love:
If I, who blame it, with such pain defend
Myself from this contagious malady,
This epidemic poison of the mind.
Weak reason, feeble thing, of which mankind
So boasts, this we can only build on thee,
Unjust continuing still, and false and vain,
In our discourses loudly we complain
Against the passions, weakness, vice, and yet
Those things we still cry down, we still commit.

One cannot, therefore, without indignation, hear Churchmen declaim against drunkenness, while they themselves are such ruddy examples of it.

_Quis tulerit Gracchos de seditione quærentes._[1]

With patience who can hear west-country cudden
Rail against roasted beef and good plum pudden?

If the law of prescription take place, one cannot dispute with them that of fuddling with any colour of reason, for in St. Jerom's time, the priests were very much given to wine. This we learn from an epistle of that father, in which he very severely reprehends them. They have been no changelings since. We read in the adages of Erasmus, that it was a proverb amongst the Germans, that the lives of the monks consisted in nothing but eating, drinking, and----Monachorum nunc nihil aliud est quam facere, esse, bibere. Besides, a vast number of councils, who made most severe canons against priests that should get drunk, evidently shew, that they used frequently to do so. Such were the Councils of Carthage, Agathon, the first of Tours, that of Worms, Treves, &c. To make this more clear, we shall copy a little of what H. Stephens says on this subject, in his apology for Herodotus:-- "But to return, says he, to these proverbs, theologal wine, and the abbots, or prelates table. I say, that without these, one could never rightly understand this beautiful passage of Horace, viz.

"Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero
Pulsanda tellus: Nunc saliaribus
Ornare pulvinar Deorum
Tempus erit dapibus sodales."[1a]

"Come, boys, lets put the flowing goblet round,
Drink hard, and with brisk measures beat the ground.
The tables of the gods now bright shall shine
With cheer luxurious, fit for mouths of priests,
When holy epicures become your guests,
And venerably quaff large cups of wine."

Nor this other,

"Absumet hæres cæcuba dignior
Servata centum clavibus: & mero
Tinget pavimentum superbo
Pontificum potiore cænis."[1b]

"A worthy heir shall then with joy unbind
Cæcubian, by a hundred locks confin'd,
And tinge with better wines the ground,
Than e'er at feasts pontifical are found."

"You see how necessary these proverbs are, to let us into the true understanding of these two passages of this poet. Here follows, word for word, what a certain gloss says of the last of them, _Mero dicit potiore (meliore) cænis pontificum, quam quo pontifices in cænis suis, quæ semper sumtuosissimæ fuerunt, unde nunc theologicum dicunt vinum, usi sunt_. That is, with better wine than that which the chief priests used at their suppers, which were always most sumptuous and expensive, and which sort of wine we call now theological.

"By this you plainly see how much attached to divines and prelates those gentlemen are who make profession of being expositors of the poets. But in relation to this same theologal, or theological, I know very well that it is a great question if it should be called _vinum theologale_, or _vinum theologalis per appositionem_; for the wicked laity, some of them will have it, that when these good men get tipsy they agree no otherwise than dogs and cats. But I shall leave this dispute to be decided by the readers. And as to these two proverbs, they put me in mind of another, and that is, an abbot's face, which proverb being very ancient, makes me believe that formerly the abbots had their faces illuminated. --But without going any farther for witnesses, I shall content myself with presenting my readers with the following piece of antiquity, viz.

"Sanctus Dominicus sit nobis semper amicus,
Cui canimus rostro jugiter preconia nostro
De cordis venis siccatis ante lagenis.
Ergo tuas laudes si tu nos pangere gaudes
Tempore paschali, fac ne potu puteali
Conveniat uti, quod si fit undique muti
Semper erunt fratres qui non curant nisi ventres."

"O good Saint Dominic, be ay propitious,
Whose praise we daily chirp in notes delicious
From all the veins of all our hearts,
Having toss'd up some double quarts.
Therefore, if't be thy true desire,
We chaunt thy lauds at Easter quire.
Let not thy saintship think it meet
We drink from well tho' ne'er so sweet,
Liquor unworthy priest or parson,
If so, your friers will hang an arse on,
Who nothing mind, I need not tell ye,
Most holy patron, but their belly.
So used, they'll ev'ry soul be dumb,
No _dixit dominus_, but -------- mum."

Not unlike this is what follows:--

"O monachi, vestri stomachi sunt amphora Bacchi,
Vos estis, Deus est testis, teterrima pestis!"

"O monks, ye reverend drones, your guts
Of wine are but so many buts;
You are, God knows (who can abide ye?)
Of plagues the rankest, _bona fide_!"

[Footnote 1: Juvenal.] [[_Satire_ II. 24.]]

[[Footnote 1a: Horace, _Odes_ I.xxxvii.1-4.]]

[[Footnote 1b: Horace, _Odes_ II.xiv.25-28.]]

CHAP. XI.

OF POPES, SAINTS, AND BISHOPS, THAT USED TO GET DRUNK.

After having spoken of the drunkenness of churchmen in general, it will not, perhaps, be a thing altogether needless, to put the whole in the clearest light, to confirm what has been said, by the example of Popes, Saints, and Bishops, who have practised that laudable custom of getting drunk.

A little song, mentioned by H. Stephens, in his apology for Herodotus, affords matter of speculation in relation to the sobriety of sovereign pontiffs.

"Le Pape qui est a Rome,
Boit du vin comme un autre homme
Et de l'Hypocras aussi."

The Pope at Rome, his holiness,
Of wine drinks many a hearty glass,
And pleasant Hypocras also,
As any other man I trow.

If one reads over the popes lives, we shall be fully convinced that these holy fathers were no enemies to wine. Alexander the Fifth was a great drinker, and that too of strong wines, says his own historian, Theoderic de Neim. If one may give any credit to the letters of the king of Spain's ambassador to his master, Sixtus Quintus was a terrible drunkard[1].

And Pope Boniface instituted indulgencies for those who should drink a cup after grace (called since St. Boniface's cup). A plain argument that his sanctity did not hate wine.

This puts me in my mind of what I have formerly read, though the author's name is now slipped out of my memory, that when cardinal Pignatelli, afterwards Innocent the Twelfth, was advanced to the papacy, his name signifying little pots or mugs, three of which he bore for his arms; and whose mother was of the house of Caraffa, which signifies a jug, a Frenchman made these lines:--

"Nous devons tous boire en repos
Sous le regne de ce saint pere
Son nom ses armes sont des pots
Une Caraffe etoit sa mere.
Celebrons donc avec eclat
Cet auguste Pontificat."

Under this holy father's reign
Hang sorrow, let us ne'er complain;
I think all of us should turn sots,
And fuddle with one another,
His name, and so his arms, are pots,
And a gallon pot was his mother;
Then let us brightly celebrate
This most august Pontificate.

In the main, this is nothing but a little punning or playing with words, but it is one of those agreeable trifles that may now and then be worth our thinking on.

One may add to the number of such popes as loved fuddling, all those who sat at Avignon; for if we believe Petrarch[2], the long residence that the court of Rome made at Avignon, was only to taste the good French wines; and that it was merely on that account they stayed so long in Provence, and removed with so much reluctance.

Let us now pass on to Saints and Bishops. I shall only instance one of each, because I hate prolixity. The first Saint that presents himself to me, is the renowned St. Augustin, who himself owns, that he used to get drunk sometimes. _Crapula autem nonnunquam surrepit servo tuo misereberis ut longe fiat à me._ Thy servant has been sometimes crop-sick through excess of wine, have mercy on me, that it may be ever far from me. It is true, [3]M. Cousin maintains against my author, M. Petit, the Journal des Sçavans, of the year 1689, 27th June, that St. Augustin, however, never got drunk. The arguments on both sides you may find in Bayle's Dictionary, under the article Augustin. But yet there are somewhere in St. Augustin these words, viz. My soul certainly being a spirit cannot dwell in a dry place. _Anima mea certè quia spiritus est, in sicco habitare non potest._

I shall make no comment upon these words, only insert one already made, which I take from M. Duchat in his Remarks on Rabelais[4]. On these words of Saint Augustin, says he, mentioned in the second part of the Decretals, caus. 32, q. 2, c. 9, the commentator says, "And this is an argument for the Normans, English, and Poles, that they may drink largely, that the soul may not live in the dry. _Et est argumentum pro Normannis, Anglicis, et Polonis, ut possint fortiter bibere, ne anima habitet in sicco._ To which Peter Chatelain, a Flemish physician, made this pleasant addition, It is very probable, that the commentator was an entire stranger to the nature of the Flemings. _Verisimile est glossatorem ignorasse naturam Belgarum._"

And, perhaps, this argument from St. Augustine's words, is as just as one of a merry fellow I knew, who would prove, from St. Paul's going to the Three Taverns[5], That he loved a hearty bottle.

Amongst the Bishops, I cannot instance a more illustrious example of a great drinker than that of Pontus de Thiard. We are told[6], "That this gentleman, after having repented of the sins of his youth, came to be bishop of Chalons sur Soane; but, however, he did not renounce the power of drinking heartily, which seemed then inseparable from the quality of a good poet. He had a stomach big enough to empty the largest cellar; and the best wines of Burgundy were too gross for the subtility of the fire which devoured him. Every night, at going to bed, besides the ordinary doses of the day, in which he would not suffer the least drop of water, he used to drink a bottle before he slept. He enjoyed a strong, robust, and vigorous health; to the age of fourscore.

[Footnote 1: Thuan. p. 447.]

[Footnote 2: Perron, p. 387.]

[Footnote 3: Petit Nepænth, p. 137.]

[Footnote 4: Liv. i. ch. 5.]

[Footnote 5: Acts, cap. xxviii. v. 15.]

[Footnote 6: Rep. des Lett. Febr. 1687, art. 7.]

CHAP. XII.

A CATALOGUE OF SOME ILLUSTRIOUS TOPERS.

Since, according to Horace's observation, every one conforms himself to the example of the prince.

"Regis ad exemplum totus componitur orbis."[a]

And that, according to Seneca's maxim, one must regulate one's conduct by illustrious models.

"Vita est instituenda illustribus exemplis."

It must not be wondered at that people so generally get drunk, since in this they follow the examples of great kings, amongst whom are very few that this verse of Ovid, which Guy Patin applied to Naudæus and Gassendi, agrees with[1].

"Vina fugit gaudetque meris abstemius undis."[1a]

Flies wine abstemious, but the limpid stream,
Pure and unmixed, his thirsty heat subdues.

And, perhaps, this is the reason, why in comedies they bestow crowns to those that are drunk.

---------- Quid ego video
PS. Cum coronâ ebrium pseudolum meum[2].

And in Amphytrion, Mercury says,

Ibo inter et capiam ornatum qui potius decet.[2a]

"I'll go in and take the ornament which better becomes me." For he had said a little before,

Capiam coronam in caput, assimulabo me esse ebrium.[2a]

I'll put a crown upon my head, and feign myself drunk.

Lipsius[3] furnished me with these examples.

But I should never have done, if I endeavoured to give a list of all the kings that got drunk.

-------- "Quorum si nomina quæras
Promptius expediam quot amaverat Hippia mæchos,
Quot themison ægros autumno occiderat uno[4]."

-------- Whose names, if you require,
With greater expedition could I tell,
To Hippia's lust how many prostrate fell;
How many only in one autumn died,
By doctors, and their slip-slops ill applied.

I shall content myself, therefore, to instance some of the most illustrious, as they come into my mind, without observing any certain order.

Alexander the Great first offers himself to my imagination. It will be sufficient to mention his name, without saying any more. _Nomen non amplius addam._

Cæsar, to make use of Balzac's words, was not always the sober destroyer of the commonwealth, and he did not at all times hate the pleasure of drinking.

Cambyses was also very much given to wine, as may be judged by what I am going to say. This prince, having been told by one of his courtiers, That the people took notice he got drunk too often, taking, some time after, his bow and arrow, shot the son of that courtier through the heart, saying no more than this to the father, Is this the act of a drunkard?

Darius, the first king of Persia, had these words put upon his tomb:--

Vinum multum bibere potui idque perferre.

I could drink much wine and bear it well.

King Antigonus may come in here. Ælian reports of this prince, That one day when he was much in drink, meeting Zeno the philosopher, whom he had a great kindness for, he kissed him, and promised to give him whatever he would desire. Zeno only answered very mildly, Go and ease your stomach by vomiting, that's all I ask of you at present.

Philip, king of Macedon, got drunk sometimes; witness what a woman, whom he had not done justice to, said to him, viz. I appeal from Philip drunk, to Philip when sober.

Dionysius[5] the younger, tyrant of Sicily, was sometimes drunk for nine days successively; he drank himself almost blind, and the lords of his court, to flatter him, pretended they themselves could scarce see, so that they neither eat nor drank but what he reached to them.

Tiberius was called Biberius, because of his excessive attachment to drinking; and, in derision, they changed his surname of Nero into Mero.

Bonosus was a terrible drinker, if one may give any credit to his own historian, Flavius Vopiscus. He used to make ambassadors, that came to him from foreign powers, drunk, in order, by that means, to discover their secret instructions.

Maximin[6], the father, drank very often a pot containing two gallons. One might very well, therefore, have given him this epitaph:--

Hic jacet amphora vini.

Trajan and Nerva, those excellent princes, took sometimes a pleasure in getting drunk.

Galerius Maximinus, who, according to Aurelius Victor, was a prince of sweet temper, and loved men of probity and letters, had a very great passion for wine, and frequently got drunk. Having once given orders when he was in this condition, which he repented of when sober, he solemnly forbad any one to obey such orders that he should give when he should get drunk for the future.

[[Footnote a: Claudian, _De Quarto Consulatu Honorii Augusti_
(VIII) 300.]]

[Footnote 1: Esprit de Pat. p. 22.]

[[Footnote 1a: Ovid, _Metamosphoses_ XV.323.]]

[Footnote 2: Plautus.] [[_Pseudolus_ 1286-87.]]

[[Footnote 2a: Plautus, _Amphitryon_ 1007; _Amphitryon_ 999.]]

[Footnote 3: Ant. Lect. lib. iii.]

[Footnote 4: Juvenal, satire x. v. 220.] [[i.e. 219-221.]]

[Footnote 5: Ælian, chap. 6.]

[Footnote 6: J. Capitolin.]

CHAP. XIII.

OF PHILOSOPHERS THAT USED TO GET DRUNK.

Though the example and authority of Philosophers prove nothing, yet one must not imagine with Boileau,

"---------------- Que sans Aristote,
La raison ne voit goute, et le bon sens redote."

That reason, void of Aristotle's rule,
Insipid grows, good sense a doating fool.

It is, however, very true, that we shall find ourselves wonderfully disposed to get fuddled, when we consider that those of antiquity, for whom we have most respect and veneration, have made no manner of difficulty to get drunk sometimes, and have praised drunkenness not only by their actions but discourse. This I am going plainly to make appear. I begin with the Seven Sages of Greece, who were acknowledged as such by all antiquity. These philosophers did not look upon drunkenness as a thing incompatible with virtue, of which they made strict profession. History tells us, that they drank largely at the entertainment Periander the Tyrant, or king of Corinth, gave them.

Solon, that famous, yet so rigid, legislator of the Athenians, composed a song in the praise of wine, in which he introduced Venus and the Muses. Seneca is of opinion, that he was suspected to be as much given to wine as Arcesilaus. And M. Chevreau[1] observes very well, that "The wisdom of Solon was not of such an austerity as to frighten people, when he said, That the ladies, wine, and the Muses, were the pleasures of human life."

Zeno, whose philosophy was so severe, got, notwithstanding, drunk sometimes. Being one day at an entertainment, he was asked how he came to be so joyful, he answered, that he was like lupins, which were bitter naturally, but grew sweet after they were moistened.