Chapter III (3)

Their high mightinesses the States of Holland, have eternal obligations to drunkenness, since to this they owe, in some sort, the establishment of their republic, which was after this manner, according to Strada:-- [2]The same day that Brederode, accompanied by above two hundred gentlemen, had presented that famous petition to Margaret of Parma, who then governed the Netherlands, he gave a magnificent entertainment in the house of the Count of Culenbourg, there was no want of drinking; and as they saw the Count of Hoocstrate, who by chance passed that way, they began, with a great deal of joy, to give one another the name of Gueux[3]; upon which taking each of them all together great glasses in their hands, they made vows and oaths to each other by the name of Gueux, and cried out with one voice and general applause, Long live the Gueux! After which they promised mutual fidelity; and the Prince of Orange and the Counts of Egmont and Horn coming to them, they began to drink again, and with great acclamation renewed vows and wishes with these new comers, as they had already done, for the Gueux. At last, in the heat of wine, they took those vigorous resolutions, the effects of which were afterwards seen, which was the liberty of the United Provinces.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xvi. sur la Crit. du Calvin.]

[Footnote 2: Strada de Bello Belgico, part i. lib. 5.]

[Footnote 3: The French word for beggars.]

CHAP. XXI.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT THE MIRTH WHICH WINE INSPIRES IS CHIMERICAL.

It will be objected, without doubt, that the mirth which wine inspires is imaginary, and without any foundation, and that, as Boileau has it,

"Rien n'est beau que le vrai. Le vrai seul est aimable."

Nothing so beautiful as what is true,
That it is only lovely is its due.

I very willingly own, that this joy and mirth is nothing else than the effect of our imagination.

Full well I'm satisfied 'tis nothing all
But a deceitful hope, less solid far,
A thousand times, than is the moving sand;
But are not all things so with wretched man?
All things soon pass away like rapid streams
Which hasten to the sea, where lost for ever
In th' ocean's vast abyss unknown they lie.
Our wisest wishes and desires are vain,
Abstracted vanities, gay painted bubbles,
That break when touch'd, and vanish into air.
Love, wisdom, knowledge, riches, phantoms all.

But before we thoroughly refute this objection, I shall observe by the way, that errors and illusions are necessary to the world. "[1]In general, indeed, it is true to say, that the world, as it is now, cannot keep itself in the same condition, were not men full of a thousand false prejudices and unreasonable passions; and if philosophy went about to make men act according to the clear and distinct ideas of reason, we might, perhaps, be satisfied, that mankind would quickly be at an end. Errors, passions, prejudices, and a hundred other the like faults, are as a necessary evil to the world. Men would be worth nothing for this world, were they cured, and the greatest part of the things which now take up our time, would be useless, as Quintilian well knew, namely, eloquence.

Things are in this condition, and will not easily change, and we may wait long enough for such a happy revolution, before we shall be able to say, with Virgil,

"Magnus ab integro sæculorum nascitur ordo."[1a]

A series long of ages now appear,
Entirely new to man, before unknown.

On the other hand, "[2]If you take away from man every thing that is chimerical, what pleasure will you leave him? Pleasures are not things so solid, as to permit us to search them to the bottom; one must only just touch them and away. They resemble boggy and moorish ground, we must run lightly over them, without ever letting our feet make the least impression."

No, wheresoe'er we turn our wishing eye,
True pleasures never can our souls enjoy.

Let us add, "[3]That if we did not help to deceive ourselves, we should never enjoy any pleasure at all. The most agreeable things in this world are, in the bottom, so trivial, that they would not much affect us, if we made but never so little serious reflection upon them. Pleasures are not made to be strictly examined into, and we are obliged every day to pass over a great many things in them, about which it would not be proper to make one-self uneasy."

Besides, "[4]Is not the illusion we enjoy as valuable as the good we possess? M. Fontenelle makes a very excellent observation hereupon in these verses[5]:--

"Souvent en s'attachant a des fantômes vains
Notre raison seduite avec plaisir s'egare.
Elle-même joüit des objets qu'elle a feints.
Et cette illusion pour quelque tems repare
Le defaut des vrais biens que la Nature avare
N'a pas accordez aux humains."

Often enchanted by the 'luring charms
Of phantoms gay, our reason all seduc'd,
With pleasure roams thro' endless desarts wild,
Enjoys the objects which herself has form'd.
And this illusion for some time repairs
The want of real joys, which niggard Nature
Never has granted to unhappy man.

"Enjoyment," says Montaigne[6], "and possession, belong principally to imagination, which embraces more eagerly that which it is in pursuit of, than that which we have in our power."

And certainly, one may pronounce them happy, who thus amuse themselves, and believe themselves to be so. And indeed, when a man is so far gone in this persuasion, every thing that is alleged to the contrary is rejected as a fable.

But to shew, at present, the reality, if one may say so, of mere illusion, we need go no farther than the poets, who are certainly the happiest mortals living in that respect.

To instance no more, there's Mr. --------, who would fain be a rhimer, and that is his folly; but though the poor man, for his insipid verses, and improper epithets, richly deserves our pity, yet is he wonderfully pleased with his performances, and with a great deal of tranquillity mounts up Parnassus, in his own conceit, in loftier tracts than Virgil or Theocritus ever knew. But, alas! what would become of him, if some audacious person should dare unbind his eyes, and make him see his weak and graceless lines, which, however smoothly they may run, are, at best, but exquisitely dull; contain terms that have no meaning in them, and have no other ornament, but unintelligible jingle, and initial letters? How would he curse the day which deprived his senseless soul of that happy error that so much charmed his thoughts, and amused his imagination?

What is here said of the poets is applicable to all mankind; and so a man, whom any one should undertake to persuade, that the mirth and joy inspired by wine is chimerical, would do well to answer him, after the manner as a certain madman did the doctor that cured him. The story is this:--

Once upon a time a certain bigot, otherwise a man of sense, had his brain a little touched with whimsies, and continually fancied he heard the heavenly music of the blessed spirits. At last a physician, very expert in his profession, cured him, either by his skill, or by chance, no matter which; but when he came to demand his fees; for what? says the other, in a violent passion, by your damned slip-slops and hellish art, you have robbed me of my Paradise, though you have cured me of my error. This I borrow from Boileau[7], as he did from Horace[8].

"[9]There are," says Pere Bouhours, writing to Bussi Rabutin, "agreeable errors, which are much more valuable than that which the Spaniards called desengano, and which might be called in our language disabusement, if this word, which one of our best writers has ventured upon, had been received."

We shall conclude with M. de Sacy[10], "That it is not always doing mankind an agreeable service to dissipate their illusions." And we say of those who taste those satisfactions wine inspires, what M. Bayle says very pleasantly of news-mongers who are still in hopes of what they wish for. "They are[11]," says he, "the least unhappy, whatever happens. There is a great deal of reality in their agreeable sentiments, how chimerical soever their foundation may be; so that they do not willingly suffer themselves to be disabused; and they sometimes say, when one gives them reasons why they should believe the news, that makes them so joyful, is doubtful or absolutely false, Why do you envy us the pleasures we enjoy? Do not disturb our entertainment, or rob us of what we hold most dear. A friend more opposite to error than charity is a very troublesome reasoner; and if he meddles with their chimeras they will endeavour to do him a diskindness."

We come now to another objection, and that is, that this joy inspired by wine is but of a very short continuance; and the pleasure one tastes in so short a space, dearly repaid with a long and tedious uneasiness. _Ebrietas unius horæ hilarem insaniam longo temporis tedio pensat._

I own that it is a very great misery, that our pleasures are so short: and the shorter too, the more exquisite they are. And, perhaps, this may be a kindness to us, since some are so superlatively so, that should they continue a much longer space, mankind could not support themselves under these ecstacies. But be this as it will, can we make them otherwise than they are? We must therefore have patience, and take them as we find them. In short, there is no present happiness in the world; all we can do, is to be contented with the present, not uneasy at what is to come, but sweeten with an equality of soul the bitter miseries of human life.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xvi. sur la Crit. de Calvin, p. 516.]

[[Footnote 1a: Virgil, _Eclogues_ IV.5.]]

[Footnote 2: Fontenelle Dial. d'Elisab. et du D. d'Alençon.]

[Footnote 3: Fontenelle Dial. des Morts de Callirh. et de Paulin.]

[Footnote 4: Nov. Dial. des Dieux. p. 68.]

[Footnote 5: Poesies Pastor.]

[Footnote 6: Essais, lib. iii. ch. 9.]

[Footnote 7: Satire iv. M. la Vayer.]

[Footnote 8: Lib. ii. ep. 2.]

[Footnote 9: Lett. de Rab. t. iii. lett. 63.]

[Footnote 10: De l'Amitié, p. 2.]

[Footnote 11: Rep. aux Quest. d'un Prov. t. i. ch. 20.]

CHAP. XXII.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT ONE LOSES ONE'S REASON IN GETTING DRUNK.

It is objected here, that reason ought to be the motive of all our actions; and, of consequence, that we ought not voluntarily to lose it.

To this objection I answer several ways:-- First and foremost then, I say, people do well to talk to us so much of reason, when almost all mankind acts without reason, so that it may pass for a thing that has no manner of existence but in the imagination. We shall prove this from M. Bayle. "[1]We are defined," says he, "a reasonable animal. A very fine definition indeed, when none of us do any thing but without reason. I assure you, sir, that one may say of reason, what Euripides said in the beginning of one of his tragedies, and which afterwards was corrected, on account of the murmurings of the people. O Jupiter, for of thee I know nothing but only the name! In relation to the faculty I am talking of, we know nothing more of it than that, so that we may well laugh at the complaints of that heathen philosopher, who found that reason was a very troublesome present sent to us by the gods for our ruin; for he supposed, that reason busied herself in our affairs, whereas the truth of it is she never meddles in the least with them. We act nothing but with prejudice, by instinct, by self-love, and the sudden starts of a thousand passions, which drag and turn our reason as they will, insomuch that one may most justly define the principle which rules and domineers over us, a mass of prejudices and passions which knows how to draw consequences. I remember to have seen a man, who having never heard mention made of the Cotta of Cicero, said nevertheless as well as he, that it would have been much better that God had not made us reasonable, since reason poisons all our affairs, and makes us ingenious to afflict ourselves, upon which a certain person said to him in raillery, That he had what he desired; that he had received so small a share of reason that it was not worth his while to complain. For my part, I turned the thing otherwise, that people were much in the wrong to murmur against reason, since it is not that which guides us; and that it is not too possible it should, without overthrowing the order which has reigned so long in the world. The learned Erasmus, continued I, deserves the highest praise in this respect; he has written The Praise of Folly, wherein he shews that she sheds every where her influence, and without her, the whole world would in a short time be turned topsy turvy. I make no doubt, sir, but you know the merit of that work. The author speaks, though in a merry manner, the greatest truths in the world; and I do not know whether he believed himself as profound a philosopher, as he really was in that ingenious satire."

Secondly, This is not all, "[2]It is sometimes necessary, for the general good of the world, to follow prejudices, popular errors, and the blind instincts of nature, rather than the distinct ideas of reason." Mr. Bayle extends himself farther on this idea in another place[3], which I shall here insert. "Errors," says he, "irregular passions, and unreasonable prejudices, are so necessary to the world to make it a theatre of that prodigious diversity of events which make one admire his providence. So that he who would reduce men to do nothing but according to the distinct ideas of reason, would ruin civil society. If man was reduced to this condition, he would have no longer any desire of glory; and having no longer that desire, is it not true, that then mankind would be like ice? I say, he would have no desire of glory, for right reason shews us, that we should not make our happiness depend on the judgment of other men; and consequently, that we should not toil and fatigue ourselves, to make other people say this, or that, of us----. The earnest desire of being praised after death is an instinct of morality that God has impressed in the mind of man, to keep up society. And it is certain, that earnest desire has been the cause of the greatest events; and this ought to instruct us that the world stands in need of a great many instincts, which, examined according to the ideas of our reason, are ridiculous and absurd. For there is nothing so opposite to reason as to torment ourselves in this life, that we may be praised after we are dead, since neither philosophy, nor experience, nor faith, nor any thing whatsover, makes it appear, that the praises given us after death can do us any good. It would be a thing uneasy to the heart of man, if we did nothing but according to the light of reason; and how many designs would come to nothing at the same time?"

Thirdly, Besides, reason very often serves for nothing but to make us wretched. "The happiness of man is never the work of reason." Of all our evils reason is often the worst; it frightens us in the full career of our pleasures, and with importunate remorses comes to bridle our fleet desires. The horrid thing reserves for us most cruel and matchless rigours. It is like a troublesome pedant one is forced to hear, who always growls, but never touches us, and frequently like D------, and such like venerable impertinents, lose the time they employ in predication.

"If there be any happiness[4]," says Fontenelle, "that reason produces, it is like that sort of health which cannot be maintained but by the force of physic, and which is ever most feeble and uncertain." And in another place he cries out, "[5]Can we not have sound sight without being at the same time wretched and uneasy? Is there any thing gay but error? And is reason made for any thing else but to torment and kill us?" "[6]What cause have not men to bewail their wretched condition? Nature furnishes them but with a very few things that are agreeable, and their reason teaches them how to enjoy them yet less." "[7]And why has Nature, in giving us passions which are sufficient to make us happy, given us reason, that will not suffer us to be so?"

It was this same troublesome reason that made Sophocles say, "[8]It is very sweet to live, but none of your wisdom, away with her, she spoils life."

Vaunt less thy reason, O unhappy man!
Behold how useless is this gift celestial,
For which, they say, thou should'st the rest disdain.
Feeble as thou wert in thy infant days,
Like thee she mov'd, she totter'd, and was weak.
When age mature arriv'd, and call'd to pleasures,
Slave to thy sense, she still was so to thee,
When fifty winters, Fate had let thee count;
Pregnant with thousand cares and worlds of woes,
The hateful issue in thy breast she threw,
And now grown old thou loosest her for ever.

Before I end this chapter, let every body take notice, that if for having spoken so much against reason, any one should say, that it is a plain sign the author has none; and that there are a great many others, who, in the words of M. La Motte[9], will be apt to say:--

"Heureux cent fois l'auteur avec qui l'on s'oublie
Qui nous offre un charmant poison,
Et nous associant a sa douce folie
Nous affranchit de la raison."

Happy the author, whose bewitching style,
Life's tedious minutes can beguile,
Makes us, with him, forget uneasy care,
And not remember what we are.
Who by a charm, which no one can withstand,
Enchanting poison can command,
Can make us share his pleasing foolery,
And from dull reason set us free.

And I shall not be wanting to answer in the words of the same gentleman:

"[10]Bûveurs brisez le joug d'une raison trop fiere
Eteignez son triste flambeau
D'autres enseignent l'art d'augmenter sa lumiere
Mais l'art de l'eteindre est plus beau."

Break, jolly topers, break th' ungrateful chain
Of reason, if she too imperious grow,
Of being disturb'd you never need complain,
If you put out her troublesome flambeau.
Others may teach the art t' increase her fires,
To put them out a finer art requires.

[Footnote 1: Lett. xxii, sur la Crit. du Calv. p. 756.]

[Footnote 2: Lett. sur la Crit. du Calv. Lett. xvi. p.504.]

[Footnote 3: Ibid. p. 535.]

[Footnote 4: Dial. de M. Stuart, et P. Riccio.]

[Footnote 5: Dial. de Parmen. et de Theb.]

[Footnote 6: Dial. de Alexand. et Phryne.]

[Footnote 7: Nouv. Dial. des Dieux, p. 99.]

[Footnote 8: Moriæ Encom.]

[Footnote 9: La Motte, Od. la Vanité.]

[Footnote 10: Od. Thalia.]

CHAP. XXIII.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT ONE CANNOT TRUST A MAN THAT GETS DRUNK.

There is a proverb amongst the Jews. "[1]_Ingrediente vino egreditur secretum._" As the wine goes in so the secret goes out. Seneca[2] makes the same objection. "As," says he, "new wine bursts the vessel, and the heat makes every thing go upwards, so the force of wine is such, that it brings to light, and discovers, what is most secret and hidden."

In answer to this objection I say, that people who are naturally secret, are not less so after drinking. "[3]And Bacchus was not said to be the inventor of wine, on account of the liberty of his tongue, but because he freed our minds from disquiet, and makes them more firm and resolute in what we undertake."

Besides, do we not see every day, people of all ranks, conditions, and characters, get drunk, and yet we trust them with secrets, and it very rarely happens they speak of them when they are drunk. Thus, if we consult history, we shall learn from Seneca[4] himself, that the design of killing Cæsar was as well communicated to Tullius Cimber, who was a great drinker, as to C. Cassius, who drank nothing but water. And though L. Piso, governor of Rome, got frequently drunk, he, notwithstanding, excellently acquitted himself of his duty. Augustus made no manner of difficulty to give him secret instructions, bestowing on him the government of Thrace, the conquest of which he entirely completed. Tiberius, before he left Rome, where he was generally hated, in order to retire into the Campania, made choice of Costus, who was extremely given to wine, for governor of that city, to whom he communicated such things as he dared not trust his own ministers with.

[Footnote 1: Voyage de Rouvie, p. 497.]

[Footnote 2: Ep. 83.]

[Footnote 3: Seneca de Tranquill.]

[Footnote 4: Seneca, ep. 83.]

CHAP. XXIV.

AN ANSWER TO THE OBJECTION, THAT DRUNKENNESS MAKES ONE INCAPABLE OF PERFORMING THE DUTIES OF CIVIL LIFE.

I deny this absolutely, and to prove the contrary, I say, the Persians had a custom to deliberate on things the most serious, and of the greatest importance, after hard drinking. Tacitus reports the same thing of the Germans. Dampier assures us, that the same custom is practised with the inhabitants of the Isthmus Darien. And to go higher, one finds in Homer, that during the siege of Troy, the Greeks, in council, did eat and drink heartily. An evident proof, that this objection is contrary to experience. But to go farther, this same experience made the ancients look on those who could carry a great deal of wine, as persons of a genius very much superior to those who could not drink at all. On this account it was, that Cyrus, in writing to the Lacedemonians the reasons which rendered him more capable of government than his brother, amongst other things, takes notice, that he could drink more wine than he. And so many fine productions, for which we are obliged to the drunkenness of the poets, make it evidently appear, that wine, far from rendering us incapable of doing any thing that is good, rather helps and incites us to it. This important truth we shall confirm by several examples.

Plutarch relates, that Philip king of Macedon, after having conquered the Athenians, made a feast, at which he got drunk; and that all proud with that happy success, he nevertheless did a great many things entirely ridiculous; but being informed that the ambassadors that the Athenians sent to him to desire peace, wished to see him, he changed his countenance all of a sudden, and having heard their proposals with all possible attention, answered them with a great deal of justice.

The emperor Bonosus, who Amelian said was born not to live, but to drink, acted always with greater prudence after drinking, says Flavius Vopiscus, after Onesimus[1].

We have taken notice, in the foregoing chapter, that L. Piso, governor of Rome, though he was often drunk, acquitted himself, notwithstanding, punctually of his duty.

Christiern[2], the fourth king of Denmark, drank like a templer, and never king was more laborious, a greater lover of his subjects, or more beloved by them.

Scaliger[3] says, that a German has as much reason when he is drunk, as when he has drank nothing. _Non minus sapit Germanus ebrius quam sobrius._

Montaigne[4] speaks in his Essays, of a great lord of his time, who, though he drank every day a prodigious quantity of wine, was, nevertheless, equally careful in his affairs. According to which, that which Cicero says is not generally true, viz. "That one must never expect prudence from a man that is always drunk." _Nec enim ab homine nunquam sobrio postulanda prudentia_[5].

Another proof that drunkenness does not render us incapable of doing any thing that is good, is, that it inspires people with courage, and even makes the coward valiant. _Ad prelia trudit inertem._ Experience confirms this truth. "We see," says Montaigne[6], "that our Germans, though drowned in wine, remember their post, the word, and their rank."

We read in Spartien, that a certain general having been vanquished by the Saracens, his soldiers laid all the blame of their defeat on their want of wine.

The soldiers of the army of Pescennius Niger pressed earnestly for wine, undoubtedly to make them fight the better; but he refused them in these words, "You have the Nile," said he, "and do you ask for wine?" In imitation, I suppose, of the emperor Augustus[7], who, when the people complained of the dearness and scarcity of wine, said to them, "My son-in-law, Agrippa, has preserved you from thirst, by the canals he has made for you."

By what has been said it plainly appears, that wine is so far from hindering a man from performing the duties of life, that it rather forwards him, and is an admirable ingredient in all states and conditions, both of peace and war, which made Horace[8] thus bespeak the god of wine.

"Quanquam choreis aptior et jocis
Ludoque dictus, non sat idoneus
Pugnis ferebaris, sed idem
Pacis eras mediusque belli."

Tho' thou more apt for love than furious war,
And gay desires to move, thy chiefest care,
Yet war, and sweetest pleasures, you can join,
Both Mars and Venus are devotes to wine.

[Footnote 1: Flav. Vopisc. in vita Bonos.]

[Footnote 2: Amel. de la Houssai sur Tacit. Ann. liv. xi. ch. 35.]

[Footnote 3: Scaligeriana, p. 169.]

[Footnote 4: L. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 5: Orat. ii. Philip.]

[Footnote 6: Essais, l. ii. ch. 2.]

[Footnote 7: Sueton. in Vit. August.]

[Footnote 8: Lib. ii. Od. 19.]

CHAP. XXV.

BURLESQUE, RIDICULOUS, AND OUT-OF-THE-WAY THOUGHTS, AGAINST DRUNKENNESS.

It is reported that Gerson should say, That there was no difference between a man's killing himself at one stroke, or to procure death by several, in getting drunk.

Somebody has burlesqued this verse of Ovid[1]:--

Vina parant animos, faciuntque coloribus aptos.[1a]

And thus changed it,

Vina parant asinos, faciuntque furoribus aptos.

Cyneas[2] alluding to those high trees to which they used to fasten the vines, said one day, discoursing on wine, that it was not without reason that his mother was hanged upon so high a gibbet.

"[3]The diversion that people took heretofore in making one another drunk, appeared more heinous to St. Augustine than an assassination, for he maintained, that those who made any one drunk, did him greater injury than if they had given him a stab with a dagger.

"A Greek[4] physician once wrote a letter to Alexander, in which he begged him to remember, that every time that he drank wine, he drank the pure blood of the earth, and that he must not abuse it.

"[5]Some poets say, that it was the blood of the gods wounded in their battle with the giants.

"[6]The Severians in St. Epiphanius, hold, that it was engendered by a serpent, and it is for that reason that the vine is so strong. And the Encratites, in the same author, imagine to themselves that it was the gall of the devil.

"Noah[7] in an hour of drunkenness," says St. Jerom, "let his body be seen naked, which he had kept covered for six hundred years."

[Footnote 1: Sphinx Theol. p. 682.]

[[Footnote 1a: Ovid, _Ars Amatoria_ 237.]]

[Footnote 2: Diver, cur. t. i. p. 141.]

[Footnote 3: Rep. des Lett. Janv. 1687. Art. I.]

[Footnote 4: Androcydes.]

[Footnote 5: Entret. de Voiture, et de Costar, Lett. 29.]

[Footnote 6: Lib. i. Heres. 47.]

[Footnote 7: Ep. ad Ocean.]

CHAP. XXVI.

A RIDICULOUS AVERSION THAT SOME HAVE TO WINE.

An aversion to wine is a thing not very common; and there are but a very few but will say with Catullus:--

"At vos quo lubet, hinc abite lymphæ
Vini pernicies."[a]

Pernicious water, bane to wine, be gone.

One should certainly be very much in the wrong to put in the number of those who had an aversion to wine the duke of Clarence. His brother, Edward the Fourth, prejudiced with the predictions of Merlin, as if they foretold, that one day that duke should usurp the crown from his children, resolved to put him to death, he only gave him the liberty to choose what death he would die of. The duke being willing to die a merry death, chose to be drowned in a butt of Malmsey. Not unlike him on whom this epigram was made.

"[1]In cyatho vini pleno cum musca periret;
Sic, ait Oeneus, sponte perire velim."

In a full glass of wine expir'd a fly;
So, said Oeneus, would I freely die.

But let us come in earnest to those who have really had an antipathy to wine. Herbelot[2], in his Bibliotheque Orientale, says, that there are some Mussulmans so superstitious, that they will not call wine by its true name, which is Schamr and Nedibh; and that there are some princes amongst them that have forbidden the mentioning of it by express laws. The reason of all this is, the prohibition of Mahomet to his followers, which enjoins them not to drink wine. The occasion of which prohibition is as follows: "[3]They say, that passing one day through a village, and seeing the people in the mirth of wine embracing and kissing one another, and making a thousand protestations of friendship, he was so charmed with the sight, that he blessed the wine, as the best thing in the world. But that, at his return, observing the same place full of blood, and having been informed, that the same men whom he had seen before so merry, had, at last, changed their mirth into rage, and been fighting with their swords, he recalled his benediction, and cursed wine for ever, on account of the bad effects it produced."

It is one of the chief commandments amongst the Siameze, to drink no wine, nor any liquor that will procure drunkenness[4].

"[5]Drunkenness is detested in most parts of hot countries. It is looked upon there as infamous. The greatest affront you can give a Spaniard, is to call him drunkard. I have been assured, continues M. Bayle, a servant, if his master should call him so, might bring his action at law against him, and recover damages, though any other name he will suffer very patiently, and without any right of complaint of being injured in his reputation, as rogue, hang-dog, b----, &c."

Empedocles, we may well conclude, loved wine, which he called, Water putrified in wood.

[6]Amongst the Locrians, Seleucus had such an aversion to wine, that he forbad any one to drink it under pain of death, or even give it to the sick.

Apollonius Thyanæus never drank any wine, no more than St. Fulgentius, bishop, S. Stephen, king of Poland, and cardinal Emeri.

"[7]The Severians, disciples of Severus, in the time of pope Sotherus, condemned absolutely wine, as a creature of the devil."

[8]The emperor Frederick the Third, seeing his wife barren, consulted the physicians upon the case; who told him, that if the empress would drink wine she might be fruitful. But he told them, like a simpleton as he was, That he had rather his wife should be barren and sober, than be fruitful and drink wine. And the empress, being informed of the wise answer of the imperial ninny-hammer, her husband, said full as wisely, That if she was to be put to her choice, to drink wine or die, she should make no manner of hesitation, but prefer death.

De nimia sapientia libera nos domine.

[[Footnote a: Catullus XXVII.5-6.]]

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur Rabel. t. iv. ch. 93.]

[Footnote 2: Page 777.]

[Footnote 3: Du Mont. Voyag. t. iii. let. 5.]

[Footnote 4: Chaumont Voyag. de Siam.]

[Footnote 5: Bayle Dict. t. ii. p. 1266.]

[Footnote 6: Ælian, lib. ii. ch. 33.]

[Footnote 7: Du Mont. Voyag. t. iii. lit. 5.]

[Footnote 8: Rec. choise d'Hist.]

CHAP. XXVII.

RIGOROUS LAWS AGAINST WINE AND DRUNKENNESS.

It is easy to imagine, that princes who did not love wine themselves, would make very rigorous laws against drunkenness, and fall into that fault which Horace speaks of.

Dum vitant stulti vitia in contraria currunt.[a]

But this maxim, _Nullum violentum durabile_, has been verified a great many times, upon this subject of drunkenness, for all the laws made against it have not long subsisted.

Pentheus[1], king of Thebes, endeavoured to extirpate entirely the custom of getting drunk; but he did not find his account in it, for he was very ill-treated by his subjects for his pains.

Lycurgus[2], king of Thrace, commanded all the vines of the country to be cut up; for which he was justly punished by Bacchus. He also made laws against drunkenness, which one may reckon amongst the bad ones that he instituted. As,

I. _The using women in common._

II. _The nudity of young women in certain solemn festivals._

"Pittacus[3], one of the wise men of Greece, commanded, that he who committed a fault when he was drunk, should suffer a double punishment. And amongst the laws of Solon, there was one, which condemned to death the chief magistrate if he got drunk. Amongst the Indians, who only just touch wine in the ceremonies of their sacrifices, the law commands, that the woman who killed one of their kings, should get drunk, and marry his successor."

[4]The Athenians had also very severe laws against those that should get drunk; but one may say, these laws resembled those of Draco, which were written rather with blood than ink.

We come now to the Turks. Sir Paul Ricaut[5] tells us several particulars on this head. Amurath, says he, resolved, in the year 1634, to forbid entirely the use of wine. He put out a severe edict, which commanded all the houses where they sold wine to be razed, the barrels wherever they should be found to be staved, and the wine to be let out into the streets. And that he might truly be satisfied his orders were obeyed, he frequently disguised himself, and walked in that manner about the city; and when he found any one carrying wine, he sent him to prison, and had him bastinadoed almost to death. One day he met in the streets a poor deaf man, who not hearing the noise usually made at the approach of the sultan, did not soon enough avoid a prince whose presence was so fatal. This negligence cost him his life. He was strangled by order of the grand seignior, who commanded his body to be cast into the street. But this great severity did not last long, and all things returned to their former condition.

However, matters took again another turn under the reign of Mahomet the IVth. who, in 1670, resolved to forbid all the soldiery the use of wine. The terrible seditions that liquor had formerly raised were remembered, and especially that which happened under Mahomet the Third, who saw his seraglio forced by a great multitude of soldiers full of wine, and whose fury he could not free himself from, but by sacrificing his principal favourites. An edict was published, to prohibit entirely the use of wine, and to command all those who had any in their houses, to send it out of town. The same extended all over the empire. The sultan condemned to death those who should violate this decree, in which he spoke of wine as of a liquor infernal, invented by the devil to destroy the souls of men, to disturb their reason, and put states into combustion. This was rigorously put in execution, and to that extremity, that it cost the ambassador of England, and the christian merchants of Constantinople, great solicitations, and large sums of money, to get leave to make only as much wine as would suffice for their own families. At Smyrna, the officers of the grand seignior had not the same indulgence for the christians, who were one whole year without wine; and it was with great difficulty they got leave to import it from the isles of the Archipelago, and other places not comprised in that prohibition; for this prohibition reached only those places where there were mosques. Besides all this, they made every Friday sermons stuffed full of declamations against those who should drink it. In short, this edict was so severe, that wine seemed to be banished for ever the states of the grand seignior. But in about a year's time its severity was somewhat remitted. The ambassadors, and other christians, had leave to make wine within themselves; and about a year after that, the indulgence for wine was general, the taverns were opened, and at this day that liquor is as common as it was before.

[[Footnote a: Horace, _Satire_ I.ii.24.]]

[Footnote 1: Sphinx. Theol. p. 669.]

[Footnote 2: Hist. 7 Sap.]

[Footnote 3: Chevreana, t. i. p. 217.]

[Footnote 4: Hist. 7 Sap.]

[Footnote 5: See his Turkish Hist.]

CHAP. XXVIII.

RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN GETTING DRUNK. I. NOT TOO OFTEN. II. IN GOOD COMPANY.

To avoid the disorders that drunkenness might cause, here are some rules that ought to be observed in this important affair of getting drunk; for, according to Pliny, the art of getting drunk has its laws.

Hæc ars suis legibus constat.[a]

I. The first, and principal of these, is not to get drunk too often. This is what Seneca[1] recommends very much. "You must not," says he, "do it often, for fear it grow into a habit; it is but only sometimes you should make your spirits gay in banishing gloomy sobriety."

And if any person objects, That if one gets drunk sometimes, one shall do it often. I deny the consequence, and say in the words of the philosopher, an axiom held by both universities, that

Ab actu ad habitum non valet consequentia.

II. Second rule. One must not get drunk but in good company. That is to say, with good friends, people of wit, honour, and good humour, and where there is good wine. For example, a man in former times would have done very ill to get drunk with Heliogabalus, whose historian[2] reports, that after having made his friends drunk, he used to shut them up in an apartment, and at night let loose upon them lions, leopards, and tigers, which always tore to pieces some of them. On the other hand, the best wine in the world will taste very bad in bad company. It is therefore that Martial reproaches one, that he spoiled his good wine with his silly babbling.

------------ Verbis mucida vina facis.[2a]

[[Footnote a: Pliny, _Natural History_ XIV.50
(or XIV.xxviii.146).]]

[Footnote 1: De Tranquillitate.]

[Footnote 2: Ælius Lamprid. in Vit. Heliogab.]

[[Footnote 2a: Martial VIII.vi.4.]]

CHAP. XXIX.

THIRD RULE, WITH GOOD WINE.

When one has a mind to get drunk, one should make choice of good wine, and not drink bad, which is prejudicial to health. For example, green wine is very bad; this Guilleaume Cretin[1], a great punster, has expressed in these verses, which, I own, I am not able to put into English:--

"Par ce vin verds Atropos a trop os
Des corps humains ruez envers en vers
Dont un quidam apre aux pots a propos
A fort blâmé les tours pervers en vers."

Good wine, on the contrary, has very good effects. Erasmus[2] preserved himself from the plague, by drinking a glass of Burgundy at a proper season.

You see now the efficacy of good wine, which, to be in its perfection, the adepts in the free-schools of Liber Pater say, must have these four properties, and please these four senses:-- the taste by its savour, the smell by its flavour, the sight by its clean and bright colour, and the ear by the fame of the country where it grows. Old wine was looked upon to be the best by the ancients.

A beauty, when advanc'd in age,
No more her lovers can engage;
But wine, the rare advantage, knows,
It pleases more, more old it grows.

And were they never so old themselves, they would still, if possible, have the wine older than they were. _Nec cuiquam adeo longa erat vita, ut non ante se genita potaret_[3]. Which these words of Seneca[4] also confirm, "Why at your house do you drink wine older than yourself? _Cur apud te vinum apud te vetustius bibitur._"

Martial says, "Do you ask me of what consulate this wine is? It was before there were any consuls in the world.

"De sinuessanis venerunt massica prælis:
Condita quo quæris consule? nullus erat."[4a]

At present the fame of the best wine in Europe is reckoned to be, that of Monte Fiascone, two days journey from Rome. Here it was a German abbot killed himself by drinking too much of this delicious creature. The story is this, and it is related in Lassell's Travels:--

A certain German abbot, travelling to Rome, ordered his servant to ride before him, and when he found the best wine, to chalk upon the door of the inn (in order to save time) the word _EST_. Coming to Monte Fiascone, he found it so excellent, that he put down, _Est, Est, Est_, which the abbot finding true, drank so plentifully of it, that he went no farther on his journey, but lies buried, they say, in the cathedral church, with this epitaph, written by his servant the purveyor.

Est, Est, Est,
et
Propter nimium Est,
Herus meus Dominus Abbas
mortuus Est.

The wine called Lachrymæ Christi, or the Tears of Christ, is a most delicious wine. At least a master of arts of the university of Cologn thought so, who going also to Rome, drank at the same place pretty heartily of it, and out of the abundance of his heart cried out,

Utinam Christus lachrymatus fuisset in nostra patria.

I wish Christ had shed tears in our country.

M. Hofman believes, that Rhenish wine is the best of all wines for one's health.

There grows also most excellent wines in France, such as Champagne.

Wenceslaus[5], king of Bohemia and the Romans, being come into France on account of some negociations with Charles the Sixth, arrived at Rheins in the month of March, 1397. When he was in that city he found the wine so good, that he got drunk more than once; and being one day in that condition, that he could not enter into any serious discourses, he rather chose to grant what was asked of him than leave off drinking.

The wines of Burgundy must not be forgotten, which some prefer to Champagne. "Baudius called vin de beaulne, vinum deorum, the wine of the gods[6]."

The wines of Ai are also very excellent. S. Evremont[7] says, that Leo the Tenth, Charles the Fifth, Francis the First, and Hen. VIII. king of England, did not think it below their dignity, amongst the most important affairs of state, to take care to have the wines of Ai. Henry IV. caused himself to be styled lord of Ai and Gonesse.

But I shall desire my readers here to observe two things, First, That artificial wines, and a many other liquors, containing a great deal of gross, viscous matter, excite a drunkenness more long and dangerous than that which is produced by ordinary wines. Another thing is, Never to get drunk with brandy, spirits, and strong waters. Patin[8] says very pleasantly, that these are sugared poisons which surely kill: they give life to those who sell them, and death to those who use them.

[Footnote 1: Rem. sur. Rabel. t. iii. p. 39.]

[Footnote 2: Journ. des Sçav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 3: Plin.] [[_Natural History_ XIX.20 (or XIX.xix.53).]]

[Footnote 4: De Vit. beat. c. 17.]

[[Footnote 4a: Martial XIII.111.]]

[Footnote 5: Journ. de Sçav. June, 1706.]

[Footnote 6: Patimana, p. 34.]

[Footnote 7: Lett. S. Evrem.]

[Footnote 8: Vign. Marvill, t. ii. p. 7.]

CHAP. XXX.

FOURTH RULE, AT CONVENIENT TIMES.

Though one must not get drunk every day, one may, notwithstanding, on certain occasions. One must sometimes unbend the mind.

Neque semper arcum tendit Apollo.[a]

And when a man puts on the air of a philosopher, it is then he turns fool in affecting to be wise.

There is a time for all things, and so there is in getting drunk, that is, getting drunk with decency and decorum; and there are some times which are not convenient to do so. As for example, (for I love to illustrate what I advance,) it does not suit with decorum for a judge to be drunk on the bench; nor a crier in the court exercising his office, [hiccup, ki---- book;] a parson in the pulpit; an experimental philosopher in shewing of his gimcracks; nor a freemason on the top of a church-steeple.

But it suits very well with strict decorum, to get drunk at a public rejoicing after a signal victory.

When the proud Gaul sustain'd an overthrow
By the immortal MARLBOROUGH,
Ever invincible! then you and I,
My Thirsis, shar'd the common joy.
Blenheim and Ramillies were then our song,
The day tho' short, the night was long,
Till both with mighty claret glow'd,
And tipsy, to our beds were shew'd.

We may also very decently get drunk with a friend we have not seen a long while.

Here 'tis----O welcome, flask divine,
How bright does thy vermillion shine!
Thou charming native of Dijon[1],
At thy approach my cares are flown,
Sad melancholy is no more,
Which rack'd and plagu'd my soul before.
Whether thy influence incites,
(Sweet influence) to soft delights;
Or else dost other measures keep,
And gently urge to peaceful sleep.
O may'st thou still such streams bestow,
Still with such ruddy torrents flow.
Damon, this bottle is your due,
And more I have in store for you
Under the sun the faithfullest friend;
I've kept them for no other end.
Drink then a bumper, 'tis a folly,
Dear Damon, to be melancholy.

However rigorous the Roman laws were against drunkenness, they permitted it nevertheless on their festivals; witness what a young man said to his father in presence of the people. "[2]No father," says he, "I have no reason to be ashamed for having taken a little more wine than ordinary at a feast with my companions." _Non est res qua embescam, Pater, si die festo inter æquales largiore vino fui usus._

The Persian soldiers, who otherwise lived very soberly, were permitted to get drunk once a year[3].

In Georgia, he who did not get quite drunk at their principal holidays, as at Easter and Christmas, was not looked upon to be a christian, and ought to be excommunicated. [4]So that, according to this, getting drunk at certain convenient times amongst these christians, was so far from being unlawful, that a man was not looked upon to be orthodox, without he did so. Getting drunk is therefore very orthodox.

[[Footnote a: Horace, _Odes_ II.x.19-20.]]

[Footnote 1: Dijon, chief city in Burgundy.]

[Footnote 2: Tit. Liv. lib. iv. ch. 14.]

[Footnote 3: Alex. ab Alex, lib, ii. ch. 11.]

[Footnote 4: Voyag. de Chard. t. ii. 129.]

CHAP. XXXI.

FIFTH RULE, TO FORCE NO ONE TO DRINK.

It is very ridiculous and unreasonable to force any one to drink, because the taking away liberty spoils company, the benefit of which cannot subsist without freedom. Besides, every man's capacity of drinking is not the same; one shall be able to drink a gallon, and another a pint; the latter, therefore, by drinking a pint, has drank as much as the former when he has taken off his gallon, because they both have drank as they can, and ------ Ferdinando ------ No man can do more than he can do. Let every man, therefore, have the liberty to drink as he pleases, without being tied up to the mad laws of drinking. I am of the same opinion in this matter with brother Horace:--

------------ Prout cuiq; libide est
Siccat inequales calices conviva solutus
Legibus insanis, sen quis capit acria fortis
Pocula, seu modicis humescit lætius----[a]

We learn from history, that there was an ancient law amongst the Persians, that forbad anyone to force another to drink. The Lacedemonians also had that laudable custom.

Charlemagne also made a law, that prohibited forcing any one to drink.

Mr. Bayle reports a very pleasant revenge that M. Peyren gave to Raphael Thorius, a very learned person, who would force him to drink, which take as follows. "[1]M. Peyren dining at London with several persons of learning, could not be discharged from drinking a health that Dr. Thorius toasted. The glass was of a prodigious size, which M. Peyren, for that reason, a long while refused, and alleged a thousand reasons, but all in vain; he must empty the glass. Before he did it he made this agreement with his antagonist, that he should drink a health afterwards that he should toast to him; which being consented to, he took off the bumper, and filled the glass full of water, and drank it off to the doctor, who thereupon was thunderstruck, but seeing he could not get off, sighed deeply, and lifted the glass a thousand times to his lips, and as often drew it back again: he called to his assistance all the quaint sayings of the Greek and Latin poets, and was almost the whole day drinking that cursed bumper."

This is not much unlike what M. Chevreau reports of Marigni, who, "[2]after having dined at one of the best eating-houses in Frankfort, with six or seven persons of quality, was called to the sideboard, where one of them began the emperor's health. This he must drink, and as he foresaw very well, that this extravagance would be attended with others, he ordered three or four great pieces of bread to be brought to him, and having eaten half of one to the health of the king of France, he gave the other half to the other, who took it, indeed, but would not so much as put it to his mouth. The company surprized at so unexpected a novelty, let him alone without any contradiction."

Nevertheless, one should be very diligent in observing this rule, which is, That when we find ourselves in the company of people that drink, and would not run those lengths they are going to do, to retire; and this was a standing law amongst the Greeks in their festivals, and ought to be as unalterable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, viz.

DRINK, OR GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

[[Footnote a: Horace, _Satires_ II.6.67-70.]]

[Footnote 1: Diction, p. 2875. Art. Thor.]

[Footnote 2: Chevræana, t. ii. p. 188.]

CHAP. XXXII.

SIXTH RULE, NOT TO PUSH DRUNKENNESS TOO FAR.

It is certain, that to do well, we ought continually to have an eye to this maxim of Horace, viz. _Est modus in rebus_. And the _Ne quid nimis_ of Terence; but especially, in this grand and most important affair of drunkenness. Seneca very well distinguishes two sorts of drunkenness, one which entirely _buries_ our reason; and the other, which only _diverts_ melancholy and chagrin. The last we believe to be very lawful; but we would have it go farther, even so far, as not only _to divert_, but to _drive away_ our cares entirely, or else not to get drunk at all. That which is between these, if any such there can be, does one an injury, according to the poet:--

Aut nulla ebrietas, aut tanta sit ut tibi curas
Eripiat, si quæ est inter utramque nocet.[a]

After this manner would we have people use the juice of the grape; that is, to go so far as to make our hearts merry, gay, and sprightly, and so as to forget our cares.

It would be here useless to shew, by a great many examples, the disorders that drunkenness has caused, when pushed too far, because it was never the intention of this work, but to divert (as wine was designed to do) and make merry, I shall therefore conclude the whole with an Ode to Bacchus, as follows:--

[[Footnote a: Ovid, _Remedium Amoris_ 809-810.]]

AN ODE TO BACCHUS.

I.

Let's sing the glories of the god of wine,
May his immortal praise
Be the eternal object of our song,
And sweetest symphonies; may ev'ry tongue
And throat sonorous, vocal music raise,
And ev'ry grateful instrument combine
To celebrate, great god, thy power divine.
Let other poets to the world relate,
Of Troy, the hard, unhappy fate;
And in immortal song rehearse,
Purpled with streams of blood the Phrygian plain;
The glorious hist'ry of Achilles slain,
And th' odious memory of Pelop's sons revive in verse.

II.

God of the grape, thou potent boy,
Thou only object of our cordial vows,
To thee alone I consecrate my heart,
Ready to follow thee in ev'ry part:
Thy influence sweet mirth bestows,
For thee alone I'd live and die in scenes of joy.
Thy bounty all our wishes still prevents;
Thy wond'rous sweetness calms to soft repose
Our wild regrets and restless woes,
And richly ev'ry craving mind contents.
Without thee Venus has no charms;
You constancy to am'rous souls impart,
And hopes bestow to each despairing heart,

III.