Chapter XII: Theater, Opera, and Concert-Hall 215 (1)

Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater
Parties—The Supper—The Bachelor and His Duties as
Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the Opera,
Theater, and Concert-hall.

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GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS

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GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS

I

THE COUNTRY HOUSE

Etiquette and Dress for the Week-end Visitor.—Duties of the Host.—The Neglectful and the Over-zealous Hostess.—Bread-and-butter Letters.

THE special trunks now readily procurable for week-end visits remind us not to burden our friends with heavy or excessive luggage. The visitor may have difficulty in deciding what costumes to carry. Hence a considerate hostess often mentions in her note of invitation what the out-of-door amusements are likely to be. If a tennis-court, golf-course, skating-rink, or toboggan-slide is available, she does well to say so. A host who lives by the seaside will perhaps take his guests out in a canoe or a motor-boat or offer them the pleasures of surf-bathing.

If the week-end guest receives no friendly hints about the wardrobe needed, she must be guided by a knowledge of the tastes and habits of the household she is to visit. If she is in ignorance of these, she will take into consideration the age of her hosts and the kind of place in which they live. Thus, if Doris is invited to stay at Newport or some other gay and fashionable watering-place, she will need handsomer costumes and a greater variety of them than would be appropriate at a quiet spot in the real country. In the same way, if her entertainers are rich people whose mode of living is very expensive and who invite many guests, she will require her best clothes.

Three changes of costume should ordinarily suffice—a short, plain skirt, suitable for walking or out-of-door sports, with body of the same material or separate shirt-waist either white or of corresponding color, an evening gown, and one for afternoon or church wear. The last named will suffice for the evening also if Doris is staying with friends who live quietly in the country. An old but extremely convenient arrangement is to have the afternoon costume made with a removable yoke, thus serving two purposes. The English fashion of wearing a décolleté toilette for late dinner is popular with the smart set in our large cities, but is by no means general in America. It is a pretty custom for young girls, and many follow it, wearing simple frocks of white muslin or similar material in their own homes. For a visit in the country one should always take rubbers or stout shoes. For tennis, rubber soles are necessary, as those of leather tear up the court. While some country hostesses are very thoughtful about providing extra wraps, a wise guest, especially if she is inclined to be chilly, will carry a warm coat or cloak.

An older woman would appear in the evening in a dress cut out somewhat at the throat, or with a lace yoke or jabot if her health did not permit the exposure of her neck. She would choose silk or some handsome material made up in a dressy way, with a train longer or shorter according to the fashion. Short dresses are much worn at the present moment. Doris should take a pair of long white gloves for the evening, as she will need them if there is to be a formal dinner, also a pair of dress slippers, with stockings to match.

For a week-end visit in summer a young man would carry a pair of white-flannel trousers, a soft shirt of flannel, silk, Madras, linen, or other material, and golf or tennis shoes. He would also take for evening wear a dinner-coat, with trousers and waistcoat to match, a black tie, patent-leather pumps or low shoes, and a couple of dress-shirts. During the heat of midsummer great latitude is allowed in the matter of evening dress. Thus, at the informal weekly dances of the Rumson Country Club, at Seabright, near New York, hardly a dress-coat is to be seen, the men all wearing dinner-coats. Many of them substitute a white belt for a waistcoat, white-duck trousers for the usual black ones, and soft white shirts or those with narrow plaits for the regulation stiff-bosomed dress-shirt.

In winter the week-end visitor with out-of-door tastes would take a sweater and a toboggan-cap for skating or coasting. At either season of the year he would travel in his business suit, and would wear this to church should his hosts take him there on Sunday. Formal afternoon dress (see Chapter VI) is the correct attire in which to appear at church; but business suits are often worn and are permissible for the week-end visitor, because he cannot conveniently carry many varieties of costume in a suit-case.

If the hostess has named a particular train, the visitor should always take that. Should she be delayed, she should telephone or telegraph saying when she will arrive. A host living in the country usually sends a conveyance to the station for his guests or comes to meet them himself. If the carriage or car is a hired one, the visitor offers to pay for it, but does not insist upon doing so. Where the trip to the friend’s house is made in a trolley-car, the guest is seldom allowed to pay his own fare. Sometimes the latter arrives and there is no one to meet him. For a man it is usually easy to hire a cab or take a trolley-car. For a young girl traveling alone the situation may be awkward, especially if the place is unfamiliar to her. After waiting a little while for her friends, it is perfectly proper for her to call them up over the telephone and ask for directions.

It is usual to tell a guest soon after her arrival the hours for meals. Should this be forgotten and should the lunch or dinner hour be approaching, Doris may make the necessary inquiries. In a very formal household she would ask one of the maids. Should one of the latter offer to unpack Doris’s trunk or suit-case the young girl may accept or not, as she pleases. There has been some effort made to import from aristocratic countries the custom of having a valet or maid attend to this duty and assist the guest in his or her toilette. The good-natured fun made of these usages by recent writers reminds us that they are inappropriate in a democratic country. It is true that for certain styles of costume, such as a dress that fastens in the back, the fair wearer needs a little assistance. But as a rule the American spirit makes us prefer to be independent, whether of kings or of lackeys. Self-reliance is almost indispensable in a land where fortunes are lost as well as made with such speed and frequency.

A guest should be punctual at all meals and on all occasions. With regard to breakfast a diversity of customs exists, the family assembling for the meal at most houses, while many people prefer to take it in their own rooms. A guest will endeavor to conform to the usage of the household. If the hostess proposes to have his breakfast sent up, he may accept the offer, unless he has reason to suppose that this will be inconvenient. In the evening he will be careful not to keep his hosts up beyond the hour when they ordinarily retire for the night.

For a week-end visit a guest places his time at the disposal of his entertainers and does not usually make any engagements elsewhere. Should it happen, however, that he wishes especially to call on friends in the neighborhood, he should mention this soon after his arrival, so that the trip may be arranged for an hour that will not interfere with the plans of his host. The agreeable guest falls in readily with these. He tries to have a pleasant time himself and to contribute to the pleasure of others, even if some of them are tedious people. He will enjoy talking with the most interesting person present, but will not try to monopolize the lion of the occasion. If an excursion is proposed to see something he has seen many times before, or to do a thing he especially dislikes, he will not say: “Oh, I know that place by heart!” or “What a bore!” but will make the best of the situation. Should he have any “parlor tricks,” such as the ability to sing, recite, or tell fortunes, he will be ready to display these at an opportune moment. A guest, however, should follow rather than lead. It is the province of the host to make the programme and arrangements. The visitor must be careful not to behave as if he thought it was his party!

While, as we have said, he will join in the amusements, he will not overstep the limits prescribed by good-breeding. It sometimes happens that a group of young people, carried away by the contagion of high spirits, will behave like boisterous school-children. The manners of our day are much less formal than those of an earlier generation, but they impose of necessity a certain degree of restraint. Our girls and young men must remember that it is always easy to relapse into the barbarism from which mankind has emerged by a slow and tedious process. As the cultivated apple-tree tends always to return to the wild crab, so does our civilization, if it is not vigilantly guarded, incline to revert to the savagery of the primitive man. A guest should never feel obliged to join in anything which he considers wrong. Thus, if it is proposed to play cards for money he should simply say, “Can’t we arrange another table? I always play for coffee-beans,” or make some other half-jesting remark. In a word, while he quietly maintains his own opinions, he should avoid saying anything in criticism of those who differ with him.

If he thinks it wrong to drink wine or beer, or does not care to do so, he should place his open hand palm downward against the side of the glass when the servant offers to fill this. Should it be filled by mistake the guest need not feel compelled to drink the wine. Among well-bred people his failure to do so would cause no comment. It is only very young and inexperienced or extremely timid persons who fancy that it is necessary to behave like the proverbial sheep blindly following the leader. A girl who should undertake to smoke a cigarette simply because those around her were doing so would clearly demonstrate, not her good manners, but her lack of backbone. In the opinion of most people there is nothing wicked in the use of tobacco. But the great majority of Americans consider it in bad taste for women to smoke, especially in public.

Doris should inquire in good season about the trains and ascertain to which one it will be convenient to send her. She should never stay beyond the time for which she was originally invited, unless under exceptional circumstances. A week-end visit is supposed to terminate on Monday morning, or a business man may find it necessary to leave on Sunday evening.

The out-of-town hostess does well to select her guests from those who enjoy out-door sports or who are fond of the country and its amusements. Of course, such a choice is not always possible, and in the heat of midsummer every one likes to have a breath of fresh air and to escape from the noise and dust of the city streets. For a house-party it is best to ask persons of more or less congenial tastes, who will therefore be likely to enjoy the same things. While the affair will be more successful if some of the guests are already acquainted with one another, an agreeable stranger may add a pleasant variety. People who see one another constantly in the city may find it tiresome to meet at a week-end party.

If neither the hostess nor her deputy goes to meet the guest at the station, some member of the family should be on hand to welcome the latter on her arrival at the house. The guest-rooms should be well aired, made warm in winter and cool in summer. Unless the hostess has servants who are thoroughly reliable, she should visit these apartments before the arrival of her friends and make sure that all is in order, with everything provided for the comfort of her guests. There should be plenty of bed-clothes suitable for the time of year, a supply of stationery and sewing-materials, a few good books, a well-lighted dressing-table, some bureau and closet space, and ample washing facilities. At night the visitor should always find a pitcher or glass of drinking-water in her room and a few crackers.

As we have already said, the hostess arranges the programme for the visit. She should not, however, insist too strenuously on its strict fulfilment. The entertainment must be fitted to the guests; they should not be expected to fit exactly into it, as if they were so many pegs in a cribbage-board. The plans must be elastic; a wide margin should be left for the tastes and preferences of different individuals. The hostess does well to think out beforehand, perhaps to write down on paper, a provisional programme for each day. But if every one is happy playing tennis, she will not drag the players out in a motor-car simply because her schedule says, “Tuesday, 5 o’clock, all ride in automobile”!

Her social experience has probably shown her that two people may talk so long together as to become utterly bored. With an anxious eye she sees that Jack Quarterback has been talking for half an hour to Ida Vergil, the clever young Latinist from Vassar. She bears down upon them, dragging reluctant in her wake Thomas Pundit, a prize-winner from the verdant shades of Princeton. Now in breaking up this particular tête-à-tête, the châtelaine is making the mistake of her life. Ida has been listening with the deepest interest to Jack’s story of how he stood X—— on his head and made the famous end-run that saved the day for Yale. At this moment her indifference to all the classic authors is supreme. She greets Pundit as coldly as if he were indeed a Latin lexicon instead of a fairly good-looking young man. In this magical hour the glitter of his prizes is as nothing to her.

The over-zealous hostess perceives she has made a mistake, though she played the game according to her rules. If either party had shown signs of distress, if Ida had yawned behind her fan or Jack had cast furtive glances around the room indicating a desire to escape, Mrs. Anxious would have been justified in her manœuver. A certain hostess who lived not a hundred miles from the Hub used to irritate her guests very much by breaking up the conversation at the expiration of what she considered the time-limit. She entertained so charmingly in other respects that people enjoyed going to her house. But they disliked very much her habit of interrupting a talk. Most persons prefer to direct their own affairs. The guiding hand of the hostess should be felt rather than seen.

While her guests may rebel at the social maternalism which hampers their freedom of action, they prefer Mrs. Anxious to the inert or cold and formal house-mistress who seems quite indifferent to their welfare. The neglectful hostess may be lazy or inexperienced, or she may lack the true spirit of hospitality. In the first case her guests will forgive her if she is trying to do her best. Since laziness is a form of selfishness, the woman who takes no pains to provide entertainment for her friends is seldom popular. The worst offender, however, is the hostess who is so much occupied with her own amusements that she has neither time nor thought to bestow on other people. The question naturally arises in their minds, “Why did she invite us? Was it simply to show us her finely appointed household?”

During the morning hours the lady of the house may reasonably ask to be excused. She may be in the habit of breakfasting in her room, while later letters and household cares will occupy her time. If she does not expect to appear until the luncheon-hour, however, she should inquire overnight whether there is anything she can do for her guests in the morning. Although these will usually occupy themselves and amuse one another in the forenoon, their entertainer will have some plans probably for the afternoon and almost certainly for the evening. It is wise to arrange the night before, or betimes in the morning, the programme for the day, so that the guests will know what to expect. If these are all young people and the hostess an older woman, she will hardly take part in the more active out-of-door amusements. Where there is neither son nor daughter of the house, as deputy in the sports, it often happens that a young friend acts for the lady of the house.

The hostess should, if possible, be on hand to receive the adieux of the departing guests. If these are to leave in the morning and forget to inquire overnight about the train service, the hostess may with perfect propriety ask at what time they would like to start. She should do so in a tactful way, and might say, for instance: “At what hour are you obliged to be in New York, Miss Y——? I should like to let the chauffeur know to-night, so that he may be ready in good season to take you to the train.”

A “bread-and-butter letter” thanking the lady of the house for her hospitality should be written within a few days of the visit. If the guest is a young girl she should write very promptly, in order to let her hostess know of her safe arrival at her destination. Such a note need not be long, but it should show a cordial appreciation of the kindness received.

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II

AFTERNOON TEAS AND RECEPTIONS FOR THE DÉBUTANTE—“THÉ DANSANT”

Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and Etiquette for the Hostess and Her Assistants—Formal and Informal Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.

AFTERNOON teas maintain their popularity because they present the simplest and easiest way of receiving one’s circle of friends and acquaintances. Like the magic cloak of fable, they expand or shrink to suit the requirements and resources of every hostess, whether she be rich or in modest circumstances, whether she wishes to ask several hundred persons to a stately city mansion or half a dozen friends to a quiet country villa. For presenting a young girl to society they are especially convenient. All the old family friends will appreciate the opportunity of seeing the débutante and welcoming her to her new sphere, without going to the trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress and hiring a carriage. To many elderly people, evening dances, with the late hours, indigestible suppers, and fatigue necessarily involved, are very distasteful.

The guest can judge of the nature of the afternoon occasion by the style of the invitation. For a large and formal reception, it is usual to send out some little time in advance engraved cards of generous size. The name of the débutante is placed beneath that of her mother, followed by the statement that they will be at home on such and such a day and hour, at number so-and-so in a certain street. For a smaller and less pretentious occasion, or for a series of teas, the hostess uses her own visiting-cards, on which her daughter’s name may also be engraved. The day or days and hours are sometimes written in and sometimes engraved.

Neither of these forms of invitation requires any answer, except that those who are unable to attend the affair send a visiting-card in time to reach the house the same day or the day after. If there are two hostesses (the débutante and her mother, for instance), a lady should send two cards. A gentleman sometimes sends three, the third being intended for the master of the house. No comments should be written on these. If one desires to express especial regret to a hostess whom one knows fairly well, a note may accompany the visiting-card.

The question is sometimes asked by correspondents, “Is it obligatory to attend a series of teas or receptions to which an invitation has been received?” Courtesy demands that we shall, if possible, go to one of the occasions. Only an intimate friend or a person especially invited would attend all of them. Should one be unable to go, it is not necessary to send cards of acknowledgment until the last of the afternoons. Persons who are in deep mourning, or who are prevented by some other reason from accepting the invitation, sometimes send their cards soon after it is received and so signify their inability to be present.

The proper dress for guests at an afternoon tea or reception is street or reception costume. The latter, according to present fashion, consists of silk, brocade, velvet, or other handsome material if the wearer is a married woman or a single one who is no longer in her first youth. It should not be very light in color nor very showy if it is to be worn in a public conveyance. The woman who appears in a very handsome toilette should take a carriage, since it is in bad taste to make oneself conspicuous in train or trolley-car. Or she may cover up her dress with a long outer garment—called “Cache-misère” by the French. A young girl eschews brocades and other rich fabrics. Her reception costume may be of woolen or silken stuff, but it should preserve the simplicity of style which is at once appropriate and becoming to young people. White gloves are demanded by the present fashion, although some ladies wear black ones, while the shortness of the skirts makes dainty footgear very desirable. It is offending against good taste as well as against common sense, however, to walk through the streets in the wintry season clad in slippers so thin and stockings so transparent that they make the beholder shiver. They look as much out-of-place as heavy furs in the heat of summer.

For teas in the country greater informality is permissible, some young and pretty women appearing in golfing or skating costume, with red sweater and cap to match. Such a dress is not to be recommended for general wear, however, few persons having the air and distinction necessary to carry it off.

The conventional costume for men at an afternoon reception is “formal afternoon dress”—_i.e._, black cutaway or frock-coat, black or fancy waistcoat, dark, striped trousers, patent-leather shoes, and an Ascot or four-in-hand tie. A dark-gray cutaway suit (coat, waistcoat, and trousers all being of the same material) may also be worn. It must be confessed, however, that men now appear in a diversity of costumes on these occasions. At tea-dances they dress as they find convenient.

The lady of the house wears a gown of silk, satin, velvet, or other handsome material made with a train, and either high or somewhat cut out in the neck. Bare throats are much in vogue at the present moment, but it is thought in better taste to reserve the full décolleté dress for late dinner and evening wear. Some hostesses put on gloves for a formal reception, others do not. The ladies who pour tea or assist in receiving the guests arrive early and appear in a costume similar to that of the hostess. They usually remove their hats, although the older women sometimes prefer to keep them on. A white frock of a thin, transparent material, made simply and with little trimming, is the prettiest costume for the débutante. According to the present fashion this is often cut almost as low in the neck as an evening dress. The young friends who act as her assistants wear similar gowns of some light color. If they choose silken fabrics, these should be of light weight.

On arriving, the visitor should leave her cards on the hall-table, unless the person opening the door carries a salver for them. At a large tea there is usually a dressing-room, where the guest may leave her outer wraps, with the exception of her hat. This she always retains. When she reaches the door of the drawing-room, a man-servant may ask her name for the purpose of announcing it to the hostess. At a large reception, where many people may be present whom the lady of the house knows very slightly, such a reminder is very convenient. In a small country place or suburban town, where all are acquainted, it would obviously be out of place.

If a guest hears her own name bawled out in stentorian tones, it reminds her that her first duty on entering the drawing-room is to find the hostess and shake hands with her. While the present tango craze lasts this will sometimes be difficult. With old and young spinning about the room like so many dancing dervishes, the visitor must thread her way warily between the couples, lest she be run down as by a motor-car. In order to prevent such a catastrophe, the New York hostess who is giving a tea-dance receives her guests in the tea-room; or if she does so in the drawing-room she arranges to have the end where she stands kept clear of dancers.

On the left of the hostess stands the débutante, who is presented to the women guests by her mother, the men being introduced to her. There may be assistant hostesses in the receiving-line, or they may be scattered about the rooms doing the honors of the house. The visitor would probably like to have a little chat with the lady of the house before passing on, especially if she knows few persons in the room. If she arrives at the crowded hour when a stream of people are entering, she must only delay for a moment. It is usually possible by watching one’s chance to return later when the crowd has entered the dining-room and the hostesses have a little leisure to chat with those who really wish to see them. A courteous person is careful to pay due attention to the lady of the house and to have some talk with her should opportunity offer. If the guest finds any acquaintances, she will enjoy the occasion; if she does not, she may agree with the masculine verdict that “Teas are a bore.”

It is the pleasant province of the assistant hostesses—usually young friends of the daughter of the house—to look after the welfare of the guests, especially of those who appear to be strangers. The conversation, it is true, is brief and perfunctory. It is limited usually to an invitation to go into the dining-room, the visitor mumbling an acceptance and moving in the direction indicated. To be thus made welcome, however, by a young girl of gracious manners gives a personal touch of hospitality that is very agreeable. The assistant hostesses address in this way persons whom they do not know, as well as friends and acquaintances.

Arrived at that Mecca of afternoon teas, the dining-room, one does not on a formal occasion remove one’s gloves, albeit it seems rather a foolish fashion to hold sandwiches with fingers clad in white kid. Here the young girls who assist in waiting upon the guests have the advantage, as they may remove their gloves if they please. The dining-room is the center of attraction on these occasions, not only on account of the refreshments, but because it usually seems brighter and gayer than the other apartments, unless dancing is going on elsewhere. The guests should resist the temptation to linger there, however, as the room is apt to grow hot and overcrowded. Since there is not usually room for all at the same time, evidently one should take one’s turn.

It is not necessary to stay long at an afternoon tea. During the height of the season in a large city, many of these affairs take place on the same afternoon, the guests going from one to another. It suffices to remain from a quarter to a half hour. At a small and friendly “tea” or at a house where one feels much at home, people stay longer if they are amused. One should take leave of the hostess, unless she is so surrounded with people as to make this difficult.

At a large reception, the coming and going of a constant stream of guests makes it necessary for the lady of the house to remain in her place or very near it throughout the afternoon. She usually stands in the drawing-room near enough to the entrance to be readily accessible, and yet far enough away to prevent the blocking of the doorway. A crowd would be apt to form there if the guests stopped at once to speak to the hostess. She should shake hands cordially with all. The débutante does the same, although she may, if she prefer, simply bow or courtesy to the gentlemen. She remains beside her mother throughout the afternoon, or certainly until all the guests have arrived. At a small tea the hostess feels at liberty to move about more freely. She may even enter the dining-room late in the afternoon, although she must be careful to return to her position should there be late-comers.

For a large and formal occasion in the city, a carpet for the sidewalk is provided, and usually an awning. A man is stationed at the curbstone to open the doors of the carriages and to give checks to the guests and the drivers or chauffeurs. A servant, usually a man, stands at the front door, opening it as soon as a guest appears. One or more maids are in the dressing-room ready to assist the ladies. If a great many guests are expected, there are checks for the coats. We have already said that a man-servant should be stationed just outside the door of the drawing-room, if the names are to be announced. In the dining-room two or more caterer’s assistants or expert waitresses will be needed to wait upon the guests.

The pouring of the tea is such a characteristic and pleasant feature of these occasions that it is seen often, although not always, at large and formal receptions. For smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable. An assistant hostess usually presides at each end of the table, one pouring coffee, chocolate, or bouillon, the other tea. In summer cool beverages, such as lemonade, fruit-punch, or wine-cup, may be used; but where older people are present, tea, either iced or hot, is almost indispensable. Whatever the season of the year, if the day is cold and wet a warm drink should be provided. Sandwiches of many kinds, little cakes, bonbons, and salted nuts are the usual refreshments, to which ices are often added, and occasionally salads and oysters. The latter are more appropriate for a reception to which men are asked than to a tea.

The young friends of the débutante should keep a watchful eye on the guests to see that all are served. They themselves often act as amateur waitresses. It is very charming to see a young and pretty girl seated behind the tea-urn. Candor compels us to admit, however, that the quality of the beverage is more likely to be satisfactory when a person of some experience officiates. We do not forget that fair and blooming Hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods, and we are delighted to have her modern representative serve in that capacity. But why, oh why, was she removed to make room for Ganymede? In the absence of precise information, it is our opinion that she attempted not only to pour out, but to concoct, the nectar of Mount Olympus. Being young and giddy, she presumably gave honey to some gouty old deity to whom all sweets were forbidden, hence lost her position.

It is not a very difficult thing to make a good cup of tea, but it needs a little practice and undivided attention. Since most persons now like the beverage very weak, there should be a large supply of hot water, and this should be frequently replenished. Little wire contrivances can be purchased to take the place of the silver tea-ball; or a number of small bags may be made by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry leaves in a piece of cheese-cloth. Boiling water is poured over the tea, or the latter is immersed for a moment in a cup which has just been filled with hot water. It should be withdrawn very quickly, in order to avoid the unpleasant and unwholesome taste produced by allowing the leaves to steep in the hot fluid.

For large and formal receptions, music of a rather subdued character is sometimes provided. A stringed orchestra of three or four pieces may be stationed in a convenient nook or corner, partially screened from view by tall plants in pots or other variety of greenery. This convention makes one smile, because the stout German musicians are plainly visible among the foliage, their spectacled faces and rotund figures contrasting curiously with the sylvan groves in which they are immured. Doubtless the arrangement conduces to their comfort, however, and protects them from the careless feet of passers-by. If a costumed band is employed, it is placed where it can be seen and admired. If there is to be dancing, the music is of a louder and more pronounced character. According to the fashion of the moment, there is such a beating of drums as would delight the heart of the simple savage in his forest wilds.

The floral decorations may be few and simple or elaborate and profuse, as the taste and means of the hostess dictate. At a reception for a débutante, the drawing-rooms may be filled to overflowing with bouquets and cut flowers sent by friends and admirers. It is now the fashion to greet the young girl in this charming way, strewing her path with fragrant blossoms, figuratively speaking. Many of these come, doubtless, from the family connections, but any friend or acquaintance is at liberty to send flowers in moderation. Obviously, it would not be in good taste for a young man who was only slightly acquainted with the débutante to order a very large and expensive bouquet for her coming-out reception. In a large city it is possible to engage the services of a florist for an hour or two, in order to arrange the floral gifts quickly and to the best advantage. Otherwise the family may be overwhelmed by the sudden avalanche of sweet blossoms, and the supply of vases available may give out early in the day.

For a formal reception in winter artificial light is ordinarily used, the shutters being closed or the shades drawn down. At an informal tea it is pleasant to have the daylight as long as it lasts; but one should turn on the electricity or the gas before the rooms begin to grow dim and gloomy. As the season advances and the days become longer, most people find it refreshing to let in the sunlight.

For a small and informal tea it suffices to have two maid-servants in attendance. The waitress removes the cups and spoons as soon as they have been used, brings in fresh supplies, and assists in passing tea and cake to the guests. The other woman opens the door, washes the tea-things in the butler’s pantry, and helps wherever she is needed. At a studio or an apartment house in the city, or in a quiet village in the country, the hostess and her friends sometimes attend to all these duties themselves. The dish-washing must, of course, be conducted in a separate room, or in case of necessity it may take place behind a screen. The young girls slip on big aprons for this task and make merry over it. Tea-biscuits, little fancy cakes, and bonbons are the refreshments usually provided. Sandwiches are very popular, but they are rather troublesome to make and expensive to buy because of the labor involved. A “curate’s assistant” is a convenient adjunct for a small tea. Cake, buns, muffins, and buttered toast may be passed on this little three-storied stand.

A reception for a débutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper for the young friends who have assisted her. Young men may be asked to this, and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward. A supper is found by experience to be better than a dinner, because the consumption of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one’s appetite.

It must be said that the _thé dansant_ has taken the place of the ordinary afternoon tea to a considerable extent. Alas for the elderly dowagers who found the latter so enjoyable! There is no room for them at the dancing-tea, and they are not invited because they would be sure to come if they were! These affairs are held at Ladies’ Clubs or at private houses. A number of young girls come without their hats and act as hostess’s assistants. They mingle with the guests and help in introducing partners to the young women. As has been said elsewhere in this chapter, the hostess usually receives in the tea-room on these occasions.

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III

BREAKFASTS AND LUNCHEONS

How to Give Them and What to Wear—Etiquette of the Buffet Luncheon—Entertaining Distinguished Strangers.

IN the days of our grandmothers it was the custom in this country to dine in the middle of the day or in the early afternoon. Children then, as now, carried bread-and-butter, cookies, or some light refreshment to school. The members of the family who remained at home either ate nothing between breakfast and dinner or took a light lunch if the interval were very long. It must be remembered that the old-fashioned heavy American breakfast stayed the pangs of hunger for a considerable period of time. We are shocked in these days at the idea of eating heartily in the early morning. We must not forget that in the middle of the last century the light evening tea or supper, as it was called, was much less satisfying than our modern late dinner. Hence every one was quite ready and hungry for breakfast.

Luncheon as a formal meal was then almost unknown in America. People who wished to entertain friends early in the day, and who were familiar with English customs, occasionally gave a breakfast. With the adoption of the late dinner the evolution of luncheon as a midday repast naturally followed. Lunch-parties have long been extremely popular in this country. They have completely overshadowed their older sister, the “breakfast,” so that the latter term is not often applied to midday entertainments, except under certain circumstances. Thus we speak of the collation served at a morning wedding as a “breakfast,” and the word is also used to describe club festivities. The lunch-party being usually a ladies’ affair, it is sometimes said that the presence of men changes the function to a breakfast. For the rest, the two forms of entertainment are very much alike save that the earlier meal, in order to deserve its name, should take place not later than twelve or soon after, and should be simpler and less formal in its appointments than the later one. Thus, plain linen napery would be more appropriate than a cloth trimmed with lace. A breakfast usually begins with fruit, and includes a course of eggs served in some form. Otherwise the bill of fare is very much like that of a lunch, save that it is shorter, and ices and wines are not served except at large and formal functions.

Occasionally some enterprising hostess invites a few friends to a breakfast that really deserves its name, the hour being nine or half-past nine o’clock. Travelers of distinction whose time is much occupied may still be open to engagements in the early morning. A meal of this sort must necessarily be brief and informal. Oranges, melons, or whatever fruit is in season, cereal with cream, eggs and bacon or omelette, broiled chicken, toast or muffins with orange marmalade or some other kind of jam would make a good menu. Indeed, the chicken could be omitted where only one or two guests were expected. The lady of the house should preside over the tea and coffee equipage, thus giving the personal touch of hospitality which is not possible at a more ceremonious meal. Chocolate also may be served. Breakfast plates of good size should be used, and in winter these should be warmed for the hot course or courses.

The hostess may wear a pretty morning gown or street dress (with the exception of the hat), if she expects to go out after breakfast. The guests leave soon after the meal is over. The women wear a simple street costume; or, if they are about to take part in some sport, they may appear in tennis, shooting, or other special dress. They do not remove their hats. There was an attempt made recently in New York to introduce the dancing-breakfast, the guests leaving the table and executing the hesitation waltz or the one-step between the courses. The experiment does not seem likely to be repeated.

Luncheon is, in theory at least, always an informal meal. Hence the invitations are usually conveyed in the form of a friendly note or given over the telephone. Some hostesses use a partly engraved card for their invitations to luncheon, filling in the date, hour, and name of guest. For a club or similar function the invitations are usually engraved. The guests may be few or many, as the hostess pleases. She must take into consideration, however, the size of her dining-table and of her rooms. There must be space enough for the attendants to pass around the former without crowding the guests.

The young and inexperienced house-mistress may need a word of caution about her china and glass. Unless she wishes to invest in new dishes, she should take an inventory of them before issuing her invitations. It is awkward to ask eight guests and then find your best dessert-plates are a half-dozen set. While plates, forks, etc., may be washed, and so be used a second time at the same meal, it is better to have enough on hand for the entire luncheon. Washing delays the service, a thing now considered very undesirable. For the woman who possesses a handsome dining-table it is customary to use a centerpiece and place doilies, thus showing a portion of the polished wood. A white linen table-cloth is always in good style, however, no matter what the fad of the moment may be.

The centerpieces for the bare table now come of generous size, being virtually miniature lunch-cloths. Some are composed entirely of lace, and some have a border of that material. The accompanying place doilies should have a pad or a piece of canton flannel beneath them, to protect the table from the heat of the dishes. A vase, rose-bowl, or loving-cup filled with flowers is placed in the middle of the table. If this is set on a silver salver it adds to the decorative effect. Two or four smaller vases of corresponding shape and material may be placed in such a way as to form a hollow square around the central one, standing at some distance from it. A handsome dish of fruit makes an effective centerpiece, or two dishes may form part of the decorative scheme, one being placed on either side of the table. If artificial light is to be used, two candelabra or four single candlesticks may be set in the spaces between the vases. The shades of these should correspond in color with the flowers. Where there is good daylight, however, it is in the opinion of the writer greatly to be preferred.

Little dishes of olives, radishes, celery—_hors d’œuvres_, as they are called—small fancy cakes, bonbons, and fruit, either fresh or dried, add to the decorative effect. A salt-cellar and pepper-pot may be put at each place, at each corner of the table, or on the edge of the centerpiece or lunch-cloth, where it is sufficiently large to bring them within easy reach. A bread-and-butter plate, with miniature silver knife, is provided for each person. It should stand at the left, where two or three silver forks—as many as will be needed before the sweet course—are also placed. At the right there should be a goblet or tumbler, a napkin with a roll or piece of bread folded in it, and one or more knives as occasion may require. If the bones are left in the fish, a silver knife should be provided for it, and one is sometimes put on for the salad. Since at luncheon soup is eaten out of cups with two handles instead of from plates, a dessert-spoon or large teaspoon is set at the right or at the top of each place. If there is grape-fruit, a fruit-spoon or teaspoon will also be needed. One finger-roll, or two rolls if they are very small, may be put in each bread-and-butter plate, instead of in the napkin.

The serving of wine at luncheon is rapidly going out of fashion. A hostess belonging to the older generation sometimes offers her guests Rhine wine—a light, white wine—or, if there are men present, sherry or claret. In this case a wine-glass is set beside the water-goblet at the right of each place, and a decanter is placed on the sideboard. Wine-cup, fruit-punch, and similar beverages are served from a glass pitcher, lemonade cups or small tumblers being substituted for wine-glasses. Slender, narrow tumblers are also used for Apollinaris and other effervescent waters, which are often served instead of wine. At a formal lunch the service is all from the side-table, no dishes being set on the dinner-table with the exception of the ornamental ones mentioned above. At an informal luncheon or dinner, the carving may be done by the head of the house, in accordance with the pleasant old custom. Many people prefer this method, thinking it shows more hospitality than the service _à la Russe_.

An experienced waitress or butler can attend to the wants of six persons; but for a formal lunch-party it is usual to have the assistance of a second maid or man when half a dozen or more are present. In houses where there is much entertaining, the parlor-maid or chambermaid is expected to help the butler or waitress whenever the number of guests makes this desirable. In all large cities and in suburban towns of good size it is easy to hire a cook or a waitress for the day. The correct dress for the latter is a plain black-stuff dress, white apron with bretelles, a plain linen collar and cuffs. To this a little white cap is added, unless the maid objects to wearing it on the ground that it is too much like a livery. In a free and democratic country no man or woman should be obliged to wear the latter. That it is a badge of servitude, Thackeray long ago demonstrated in his inimitable manner. Where a butler is employed he wears morning costume at luncheon—that is to say, black coat and waistcoat, dark trousers, and black necktie.

The hostess should make out her bill of fare in good season, as some of the dishes—the soup, for instance—will need to be cooked on the day preceding the luncheon. A bride may be tempted by the alluring advertisements bidding her to “add hot water and serve.” The older matron knows that the stock prepared at home from fresh meat makes soup that is much superior to the ready-made article. In a large city one can procure many excellent dishes at the confectioner’s and pastry-cook’s. For a large buffet luncheon, as for a ball supper, the hostess should issue her order to some reliable firm of caterers. For a lunch-party of smaller size, she should endeavor to have the dishes cooked in her own kitchen. Almost every one now prefers home to hotel cooking, if the former is all that it should be. We should advise the young hostess, therefore, if she or her maid has a fair understanding of the culinary art, to have the main staples of her bill of fare prepared at home. Certain articles it is usual to order from the caterer, such as patty-shells and ices. Home-made ice-cream composed of real cream is the best of all, but it takes time and trouble to prepare. It is well to test the excellence of a recipe in the privacy of the family before offering it to guests.

The bill of fare for a luncheon is usually briefer now than formerly, the emphasis being laid on the quality of the food rather than on the quantity. Fruit, soup, fish, chicken or chops, salad, a sweet course, and coffee make a menu that is amply sufficient for most people. It may be extended by the addition of an entrée—sweetbreads creamed or mushrooms, perhaps—between the fish and the meat course. The fish may be omitted, or it may “suffer a sea-change” and become oyster soup. A delicious bill of fare recently offered at a lunch for six ladies consisted of grape-fruit, oyster soup, fricasseed chicken served with sweet potatoes and string-beans, lettuce salad, brandied peaches surrounded with whipped cream, coffee, little cakes, and candies. The bill of fare may be varied in a great many ways, and lengthened or shortened to suit the tastes and circumstances of the hostess and the season of the year. A lady entertaining two or three friends at lunch very informally could offer them simply two or three courses with coffee or chocolate. These would be soup, chicken or some other form of meat with vegetables, and a sweet dish. When the weather becomes warm in the spring, the soup would be replaced by salad served after the meat.

In summer cold dishes are popular, but it is always well to have one or more hot courses. Certain old-fashioned hostesses still serve tea at luncheon, pouring it out themselves, and perhaps making it at the table. The prevalence of the afternoon tea-drinking habit has resulted in banishing the “cup that cheers but does not inebriate” from the noonday meal in many houses.

The hostess wears a pretty house gown or street dress, as she prefers. She will choose the latter if she is going out as soon as her friends leave. She does not, however, wear a hat. The guests come in street or reception costume, brocades being much worn at the present time by older women. They are invited to leave their outer wraps in the hall, the reception-room on the ground floor, or up-stairs, as the hostess may find most convenient. They keep on hat and gloves, however, the latter being removed when they sit down at the table. These may be turned back at the wrist should it be inconvenient to take them off altogether.

Guests should arrive at the hour named or within five minutes afterward. It is usual to wait a quarter of an hour for a late-comer. To delay longer might interfere with the engagements of the other guests, besides spoiling the food. If the hostess has inefficient servants or only one maid, she may find it necessary to excuse herself in order to inspect the arrangements of the table at the last moment. In this case it is well to have a friend who will take the place of the hostess during her brief absence.

The luncheon is announced in the same way as dinner (see Chapter IV). The entrance to the dining-room is informal, the hostess leading the way, taking with her, perhaps, the oldest lady or the guest of honor. The others follow without special order, save that married women precede young girls. If there are men present they come last. Usually a relative or familiar friend of the hostess takes the foot of the table opposite the latter. The guest of honor sits at the right of the lady of the house; the other places of distinction are at her left and at the right and left of the assistant hostess. Unless the occasion is a very formal one, however, a hostess will pay more attention to seating her guests beside congenial neighbors than to arranging them with strict regard to precedence. It is now usual to serve coffee in the drawing-room at the conclusion of the luncheon in order to avoid the fatigue of sitting too long at table.

The guests depart soon after the conclusion of the meal, as the hostess may have other engagements to fulfil. In New York the whole lunch-party may vanish in ten or fifteen minutes. If the ladies are not in haste or are having a very pleasant time, they remain longer. In the country they would be very apt to do so. At a formal luncheon the guest of honor should be the first to take leave. A lady who has some pressing engagement may excuse herself without waiting for the former.