Chapter XVI: Marriage, the Home and the Family (3)

Then, we say to you who have repented of your sins, who have been buried with Christ in baptism, who have been raised from the liquid grave to newness of life, born of the water and of the Spirit, and who have been made the children of the Father, heirs of God and joint heirs with Jesus Christ--we say to you, if you will observe the laws of God, and cease to do evil, cease to be obscene, cease to be immoral, sexually or otherwise, cease to be profane, cease to be infidel, and have faith in God, believe in the truth and receive it, and be honest before God and man, that you will be set up on high, and God will put you at the head, just as sure as you observe these commandments. Whoso will keep the commandments of God, no matter whether it be you or any other people, they will rise and not fall, they will lead and not follow, they will go upward and not downward. God will exalt them and magnify them before the nations of the earth, and he will set the seal of his approval upon them, will name them as his own. This is my testimony to you.--_Improvement Era,_ Vol. 6, p. 501, May, 1903.

THREE THREATENING DANGERS. There are at least three dangers that threaten the Church within, and the authorities need to awaken to the fact that the people should be {392} warned unceasingly against them. As I see these, they are flattery of prominent men in the world, false educational ideas, and sexual impurity.

But the third subject mentioned--personal purity, is perhaps of greater importance than either of the other two. We believe in one standard of morality for men and women. If purity of life is neglected, all other dangers set in upon us like the rivers of waters when the flood gates are opened.--_Improvement Era,_ Vol. 17, No. 5, p. 476. March, 1914.

THE GOSPEL THE GREATEST THING. One of the most important duties devolving upon the Latter-day Saints is the proper training and rearing of their children in the faith of the gospel. The gospel is the greatest thing in all the world. There is nothing to compare with it. The possessions of this earth are of no consequence when compared with the blessings of the gospel. Naked we came into the world, and naked we will go out of the world, so far as earthly things are concerned; for we must leave them behind; but the eternal possessions which are ours through obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ do not perish--the ties that God has created between me and those whom he has given to me, and the divine authority which I enjoy through the holy priesthood, these are mine throughout all eternity. No power but sin, the transgression of the laws of God, can take them from me. All these things are mine, even after I leave this probation.--_Improvement Era,_ Vol. 21, pp. 102, 103, December, 1917.

DUTY OF HUSBAND TO WIFE. If there is any man who ought to merit the curse of Almighty God it is the man who neglects the mother of his child, the wife of his bosom, the one who has made sacrifice of her very life, over and over again for him and his children. That is, of course, assuming that the wife is a pure and faithful mother and wife.--_Improvement Era,_ Vol. 21, p. 105, December, 1917.

WIVES AND HUSBANDS IN ETERNITY. We expect to {393} have our wives and husbands in eternity. We expect our children will acknowledge us as their fathers and mothers in eternity. I expect this: I look for nothing else. Without it I could not be happy. The thought or belief that I should be denied this privilege hereafter would make me miserable from this moment. I never could be happy again without the hope that I shall enjoy the society of my wives and children in eternity. If I had not this hope, I should be of all men most unhappy; "for if in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." All who have tasted of the influence of the Spirit of God, and have had awakened within them a hope of eternal life, cannot be happy unless they continue to drink of that fountain until they are satisfied, and it is the only fountain at which they can drink and be satisfied.--_Deseret Weekly News,_ Vol. 33, p. 131, 1884.

IMPORTANCE OF FILIAL AFFECTION. Do not add to their burdens by neglect, by extravagance or by misconduct. Rather suffer that your right hand be cut off, or your eye plucked out than that you would bring sorrow or anguish to your parents because of your neglect of filial affection to them. So children, remember your parents. After they have nurtured you through the tender years of your infancy and childhood, after they have fed and clothed and educated you, after having given you a bed to rest upon and done all in their power for your good, don't you neglect them when they become feeble and are bowed down with the weight of their years. Don't you leave them, but settle down near them, and do all in your power to minister to their comfort and well-being.--_Improvement Era,_ Vol. 21, p. 105, December, 1917.

FAMILY GOVERNMENT BY LOVE. I learned in my childhood, as most children, probably, have learned, more or less at least, that no love in all the world can equal the love of a true mother.

{394} I did not think in those days, and still I am at a loss to know, how it would be possible for anyone to love her children more truly than did my mother. I have felt sometimes, how could even the Father love his children more than my mother loved her children? It was life to me; it was strength; it was encouragement; it was love that begat love or liking in myself. I knew she loved me with all her heart. She loved her children with all her soul. She would toil and labor and sacrifice herself day and night, for the temporal comforts and blessings that she could meagerly give, through the results of her own labors, to her children. There was no sacrifice of self--of her own time, of her leisure or pleasure, or opportunities for rest--that was considered for a moment, when it was compared with her duty and her love to her children.

When I was fifteen years of age, and called to go to a foreign country to preach the gospel--or to learn how, and to learn it for myself--the strongest anchor that was fixed in my life, and that helped to hold my ambition and my desire steady, to bring me upon a level and keep me straight, was that love which I knew she had for me who bore me into the world.

Only a little boy, not matured at all in judgment, without the advantage of education, thrown in the midst of the greatest allurements and temptations that it was possible for any boy or any man to be subjected to--and yet, whenever these temptations became most alluring and most tempting to me, the first thought that arose in my soul was this: Remember the love of your mother. Remember how she strove for your welfare. Remember how willing she was to sacrifice her life for your good. Remember what she taught you in your childhood and how she insisted upon your reading the New Testament--the only book, except a few little school books, that we had in the family, or that was within reach of us at that time. This feeling toward my mother became {395} a defense, a barrier between me and temptation, so that I could turn aside from temptation and sin by the help of the Lord and the love begotten in my soul, toward her whom I knew loved me more than anybody else in all the world, and more than any other living being could love me.

A wife may love her husband, but it is different to that of the love of mother to her child. The true mother, the mother who has the fear of God and the love of truth in her soul, would never hide from danger or evil and leave her child exposed to it. But as natural as it is for the sparks to fly upward, as natural as it is to breathe the breath of life, if there were danger coming to her child, she would step between the child and that danger; she would defend her child to the uttermost. Her life would be nothing in the balance, in comparison with the life of her child. That is the love of true motherhood for children.

Her love for her husband would be different, for if danger should come to him, as natural as it would be for her to step between her child and danger, instead, her disposition would be to step behind her husband for protection, and that is the difference between the love of mother for children and the love of wife for husband--there is a great difference between the two.

I have learned to place a high estimate upon the love of mother. I have often said, and will repeat it, that the love of a true mother comes nearer being like the love of God than any other kind of love. The father may love his children, too; and next to the love that the mother feels for her child, unquestionably and rightfully, too, comes the love that the father feels for his child. But, as it has been illustrated here by Brother Edward H. Anderson, the love of the father is of a different character, or degree, to the love of the mother for her child; illustrated by the fact he related here of having the privilege of working with his boy, having him in his presence, becoming more intimate with him, learning {396} his characteristics more clearly; becoming more familiar and more closely related to him; the result of which was that his love for his boy increased, and the love of the boy increased for his father, for the same reason, merely because of that closer association. So the child learns to love his mother best, as a rule, when the mother is good, wise, prudent, and intelligent, because the child is with her more, they are more familiar with each other and understand each other better.

Now, this is the thought that I desire to express: Fathers, if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them. For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and--your boys however wayward they might be, or one or the other might be, when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but argue, or rather reason--approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. With these means, if you cannot gain your boys and your girls, they will prove to be reprobate to you; and there will be no means left in the world by which you can win them to yourselves. But, get them to feel as you feel, have interest in the things in which you take interest, to love the gospel as you love it, to love one another as you love them; to love their parents as the parents love the children. You can't do it any other way. You can't do it by unkindness; you cannot do it by driving; our children are like we are; we couldn't be driven; we can't be driven now. We are like some other animals that we know of in {397} the world. You can coax them; you can lead them, by holding out inducements to them, and by speaking kindly to them, but you can't drive them; they won't be driven. We won't be driven. Men are not in the habit of being driven; they are not made that way.

This is not the way that God intended, in the beginning, to deal with his children--by force. It is all free love, free grace. The poet expressed it in these words:

"Know this, that every soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be;
For this eternal truth is given,
That God will force no man to heaven."

You can't force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell, by using harsh means in the efforts to make them good, when you yourselves are not as good as you should be. The man that will be angry at his boy, and try to correct him while he is in anger, is in the greatest fault; he is more to be pitied and more to be condemned than the child who has done wrong. You can only correct your children by love, in kindness, by love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason.

When I was a child, somewhat a wayward, disobedient little boy--not that I was wilfully disobedient, but I would forget what I ought to do; I would go off with playful boys and be absent when I should have been at home, and I would forget to do things I was asked to do. Then I would go home, feel guilty, know that I was guilty, that I had neglected my duty and that I deserved punishment.

On one occasion I had done something that was not just right, and my mother said to me: "Now, Joseph, if you do that again I shall have to whip you." Well, time went on, and by and by, I forgot it, and I did something similar again; and this is the one thing that I admired more, perhaps, than any secondary thing in her; it was that when she {398} made a promise she kept it. She never made a promise, that I know of, that she did not keep.

Well, I was called to account. She said: "Now, I told you. You knew that if you did this I would have to whip you, for I said I would. I must do it. I do not want to do it. It hurts me worse than it does you, but I must whip you."

Well, she had a little rawhide, already there, and while she was talking or reasoning with me, showing me how much I deserved it and how painful it was to her, to inflict the punishment I deserved, I had only one thought and that was: "For goodness' sake whip me; do not reason with me," for I felt the lash of her just criticism and admonition a thousand fold worse than I did the switch. I felt as if, when she laid the lash on me, I had at least partly paid my debt and had answered for my wrong doing. Her reasoning cut me down into the quick; it made me feel sorry to the very core!

I could have endured a hundred lashes with the rawhide better than I could endure a ten-minutes' talk in which I felt and was made to feel that the punishment inflicted upon me was painful to her that I loved--punishment upon my own mother!--Extracts from an address given at a "Home Evening" meeting in Granite Stake, 1909. _Improvement Era,_ Vol. 13, pp. 276-280.

THE HOME AND THE CHILD. But what are we doing in our homes to train our children; what to enlighten them? What to encourage them to make home their place of amusement, and a place where they may invite their friends for study or entertainment? Have we good books, games, music, and well-lighted, well-ventilated, warm rooms for their convenience and pleasure? Do we take personal interest in them and in their affairs? Are we providing them with the physical knowledge, the mental food, the healthful exercise, and the spiritual purification, that will enable {399} them to become pure and robust in body, intelligent and honorable citizens, faithful and loyal Latter-day Saints?

We frequently neglect giving them any information concerning their bodily well-being. In our cities we appear to be providing our young people too much mental exercise, and no physical diversion and work, while in our country settlements, we seem to be overburdening them with bodily labor, and in many cases doing little or nothing for their mental development and recreation. Hence, in the one case they seek forbidden places and pleasure, on account of too much mental exercise; and in another, because of too little.

Now then, are we studying their wants as we do our business, and our farms and our animals? Are we looking after them, and if necessary bringing them in from the street when absent, and providing them in our homes with what they lack? Or are we to a great extent neglecting these things in the home and home training, and considering our children of secondary value to horses and cattle and lands?

These are important points for consideration, and fathers and mothers should honestly study them, and as honestly answer them to their own satisfaction. We may well invest means in the home for the comfort, convenience, entertainment and training of our children. We may well give our sons and daughters some time for recreation and diversion, and some provision in the home for satisfying their longing for legitimate physical and mental recreation, to which every child is entitled, and which he will seek in the street or in objectionable places, if it is not provided in the home. In addition to this, and supplementary to the training in the home, it is to be hoped that our organizations will as soon as possible provide every arrangement for legitimate entertainment and recreation, physical and intellectual, that will tend to attract our young people, and hold them interested, loyal and contented within the pale of our own influence and organizations.--_Imp. Era,_ Vol. 11, pp. 302-3, 1907-8.

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