Chapter VI: Dinapore and Patna, 1807-1809 (3)

_1808, May 9._--A letter from my dear friend in India
(requesting me to come out) reached me. These words form my
comfort: 'Be still, and know that I am God.' I see my duty
pointed out, and am persuaded, dark as the prospect is, God will
appear God in this matter; whether we meet again or not, His
great power and goodness will be displayed--it has been in
quieting my heart, for oh, the trial is not small of seeing the
state of his mind. But I am to be still, and now, O Lord, let
Thy love fill my soul, let it be supreme in his breast and mine;
there is no void where Thou dwellest, whatever else is wanting.

_May 11._--My mind distressed, perplexed, and troubled for my
dear friend; much self-reflection for having suffered him to see
my regard for him (and what it is), yet the comforts of God's
Word return--'Why take ye thought?' said our Lord. Yet to-morrow
burdens the present day. Oh, pity and support me to bear the
thought of injuring his peace--inquire if the cause is of God.

_May 15._--Lord, Thou seest my wanderings--oh, how many, how
great! Put my tears into Thy bottle. Yes, my Lord, I can forsake
Thee and be content; I turn and turn, restless and miserable,
till I am turned to Thee. What a week have I passed! never may
such another pass over my head!--my thoughts wholly occupied
about my absent friend--distressed for his distress, and full of
self-reproaches for all that's past--writing bitter things
against myself--my heart alienated dreadfully from God--and the
duties I am in the habit of performing all neglected. Oh, should
the Lord not awake for me and draw me back, whither should I go?
His Word has been my comfort at times, but Satan or conscience
(I doubt which) tells me I am in a delusion to take the comfort
of God's Word, for I ought to suffer. But am I justified in
putting comfort from me? since I no way excuse myself, but am, I
trust, humbled for my imprudence in letting my friend know the
state of mind towards him, and this is all I have injured him
in. I accuse myself, too, for want of candour with my family,
and oh, let me not forget the greatest offence of all--not
consulting the will and glory of God in indulging and
encouraging a regard He seems to frown on. I have to-day found
deliverance, and felt some measure of calm reliance. I know
there is a particular providence over him and me, but this
belief does not lessen my fears of acting wrong--I am as
responsible as if all were left to me. What shall I do but say,
Because Thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of Thy
wings will I trust? I fly to Thy power and take shelter in Thy
love to sinners. Oh, for a continually bleeding heart, mourning
for sin!

_June 12._--I have peace in my soul to-day. My remembrance of
God's dear saint in India is frequent, but I am still in this
affair, and expect to know more of the infinite power, wisdom,
and goodness of our God in it and by it than I have heretofore.
My prayer for him constantly is that he maybe supported, guided,
and made in all things obedient and submissive to the will of
his God.

Henry Martyn seems to have written again to Marazion, at this time, a letter which has not been preserved, for Lydia Grenfell thus refers to it:

_August 29._--Heard of my absent dear friend by this day's post,
and was strangely affected, though the intelligence was
satisfactory in every respect. I sought deliverance in prayer,
and the Lord spoke peace to my agitated mind, and gave me what I
desired--liberty of soul to return to Himself, and the
contemplation of heavenly things, though a sadness remained on
my spirit. Heard three sermons, for I thought it best to be less
alone than usual, lest my thoughts should wander. Found great
hardness of heart in the services of the day, but I doubt
whether my affections were spiritual or not, though they arose
from a longing to be in heaven, and a joyful sense of the
certainty that God would bring me there.

_September 11._--After some days of darkness and distress, sweet
peace and light return, and my soul rests on God as my
all-sufficient help. Oh, the idolatrous state of my heart! what
painful discoveries are made to me! I see the stream of my
affections has been turned from God and on.... An exertion must
be made, like cutting off a right hand, in order to give Thee, O
Lord, my heart. I must hear neither of nor from the person God
has called in His providence to serve Him in a distant country.
Oh, to be resolute, knowing by woeful experience the necessity
of guarding my thoughts against the remembrance of one, though
dear. As I value the presence of my God, I must avoid everything
that leads my thoughts to this subject--O Lord, keep me
dependent on Thee for grace to do so; Thou hast plainly informed
me of Thy will by withholding Thy presence at this time, and Thy
Word directed me to lay aside this weight.

_October 30._--Thought of my dear friend to-night with
tenderness, but entire resignation to Thy will, O our God, in
never seeing or hearing from him again; to meet him above is my
desire.

_December 30._--I reckon among my mercies the Lord's having
enabled me to choose a single life, and that my friend in India
has been so well reconciled to my determination. That trial was
a sore one, and I believe the effects of it will be felt as long
as I live. My weak frame could not support the perturbed state
of my mind, and the various painful apprehensions that assailed
me on his arrival nearly wore me down. But the Lord removed them
all by showing me He approved of my choice, and in granting me
the tidings of his enjoying peace and happiness in our
separation. Every burden now respecting him is removed, and my
soul has only to praise the wise and gracious hand which brought
me through that thorny path. It was one I made to myself, by
ever entering into a correspondence with him, and by expressing
too freely my regard.

On March 28, 1809, Martyn wrote to Mr. Brown:

Your letter is just come. The Europe letter is from Lydia. I
trembled at the handwriting.... It was only more last words,
sent by the advice of Colonel Sandys, lest the non-arrival of
the former might keep me in suspense.... I trust that I have
done with the entanglements of this world; seldom a day passes
but I thank God for the freedom from earthly care which I enjoy.

And so end Henry Martyn's love-letters, marked by a delicacy as well as tenderness of feeling in such contrast to the action of Lydia Grenfell throughout, as to explain the mingled resentment and resignation in which they close. The request for a mutual engagement which would justify correspondence at least seems to have been unheeded for some months, till the news of his serious illness in July 1808 led her again to write to him, as taking the place of his sister who had been removed by death. He was ordered to Cawnpore, and set off in the hot season by Chunar and Ghazipore, writing these last words on April 11, 1809, from Dinapore:

My men seem to be in a more flourishing state than they have yet
been. About thirty attend every night. I had a delightful party
this week, of six young men, who will, I hope, prove to be true
soldiers of Christ. Seldom, even at Cambridge, have I been so
much pleased.

FOOTNOTES:

[26] Even in 1889 we find a Patna missionary writing of his work from Bankipore as a centre: 'The people in every village, except those on the Dinapore road, said that no Sahib had ever been in their village before. Sometimes my approach was the cause of considerable alarm.'

[27] _Memoir of the Rev. Thomas Thomason, M.A._, by Rev. J. Sargent, M.A., 2nd edition, 1834, London.

[28] Rev. Dr. Milner.

[29] The names of Capt. Dare and Mrs. Dare occur in the _Journals and Letters_ between February 17 and March 24, 1808, wherein Martyn's relations with them are described just as in this set of letters.

[30] Mrs. Laura Curgenven: born January 1779, died in the year 1807.

[31] See Moule's _Charles Simeon_, p. 201.