Chapter V: Calcutta and Serampore, 1806 (1)

'Now let me burn out for God!' Such were the words with which Henry Martyn began his ministry to natives and Europeans in North India, as in the secrecy of prayer he reviewed his first two days in Calcutta. Chaplain though he was, officially, at the most intolerant time of the East India Company's administration, he was above all things a missionary. Charles Simeon had chosen him, and Charles Grant had sent him out, for this as well as his purely professional duty, and it never occurred to him that he could be anything else. He burned to bring all men to the same peace with God and service to Him which he himself had for seven years enjoyed. We find him recording his great delight, now at an extract sent to him from the East India Company's Charter, doubtless the old one from William III., 'authorising and even requiring me to teach the natives,' and again on receiving a letter from Corrie, 'exulting with thankfulness and joy that Dr. Kerr was preaching the Gospel. Eight such chaplains in India! this is precious news indeed.' Even up to the present time no Christian in India has ever recognised so fully, or carried out in a brief time so unrestingly, his duty to natives and Europeans alike as sinners to be saved by Jesus Christ alone.

Henry Martyn's first Sunday in Calcutta was spent in worship in St. Johns, the 'new church,' when Mr. Jefferies read one part and Mr. Limerick another of the service, and Mr. Brown preached. Midday was spent with 'a pious family where we had some agreeable and religious conversation, but their wish to keep me from the work of the mission and retain me at Calcutta was carried farther than mere civility, and showed an extraordinary unconcern for the souls of the poor heathens.' In the evening, though unwell with a cold and sore throat, he ventured to read the service in the mission or old church of Kiernander. He was there 'agreeably surprised at the number, attention, and apparent liveliness of the audience. Most of the young ministers that I know would rejoice to come from England if they knew how attractive every circumstance is respecting the church.' Next day he was presented at the levée of Sir George Barlow, acting Governor-General, 'who, after one or two trifling questions, passed on.' He then spent some time in the College of Fort William, where he was shown Tipoo's library, and one of the Mohammedan professors--a colleague of Carey--chanted the Koran. Thence he was rowed with the tide, in an hour and a half, sixteen miles up the Hoogli to Aldeen, the house of Rev. David Brown in the suburb of Serampore, which became his home in Lower Bengal. On the next two Sundays he preached in the old church of Calcutta, and in the new church 'officiated at the Sacrament with Mr. Limerick.' It was on June 8 that he preached in the new church, for the first time, his famous sermon from 1 Cor. i. 23, 24, on '_Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; but unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God_.'

This is his own account of the immediate result:

_1806, June 8._--The sermon excited no small ferment; however,
after some looks of surprise and whispering, the congregation
became attentive and serious. I knew what I was to be on my
guard against, and therefore, that I might not have my mind full
of idle thoughts about the opinions of men, I prayed both before
and after, that the Word might be for the conversion of souls,
and that I might feel indifferent, except on this score.

We cannot describe the sermon, as it was published after his death, and again in 1862, more correctly than by comparing it to one of Mr. Spurgeon's, save that, in style, it is a little more academic and a little less Saxon or homely. But never before had the high officials and prosperous residents of Calcutta, who attended the church which had become 'fashionable' since the Marquess Wellesley set the example of regular attendance, heard the evangel preached. The chaplains had been and were of the Arian and Pelagian type common in the Church till a later period. They at once commenced an assault on their young colleague and on the doctrines by which Luther and Calvin had reformed the Churches of Christendom. This was the conclusion of the hated sermon:

There is, in every congregation, a large proportion of Jews and
Greeks. There are persons who resemble the Jews in
self-righteousness; who, after hearing the doctrines of grace
insisted on for years, yet see no occasion at all for changing
the ground of their hopes. They seek righteousness 'not by
faith, but as it were by the works of the law: for they stumble
at that stumbling-stone' (Rom. ix. 32); or, perhaps, after going
a little way in the profession of the Gospel, they take offence
at the rigour of the practice which we require, as if the
Gospel did not enjoin it. 'This is a hard saying,' they
complain; 'who can hear it?' (John vi. 60), and thus resemble
those who first made the complaint, who 'went back and walked no
more with Him.'

Others come to carp and to criticise. While heretics who deny
the Lord that bought them, open infidels, professed atheists,
grossly wicked men, are considered as entitled to candour,
liberality, and respect, they are pleased to make serious
professors of the Gospel exclusively objects of contempt, and
set down their discourses on the mysteries of faith as idle and
senseless jargon. Alas! how miserably dark and perverse must
they be who think thus of that Gospel which unites all the power
and wisdom of God in it. After God has arranged all the parts of
His plan, so as to make it the best which in His wisdom could be
devised for the restoration of man, how pitiable their stupidity
and ignorance to whom it is foolishness! And, let us add, how
miserable will be their end! because they not only are condemned
already, and the wrath of God abideth on them, but they incur
tenfold danger: they not only remain without a remedy to their
maladies, but have the guilt of rejecting it when offered to
them. This is their danger, that there is always a
stumbling-block in the way: the further they go, the nearer are
they to their fall. They are always exposed to sudden,
unexpected destruction. They cannot foresee one moment whether
they shall stand or fall the next; and when they do fall they
fall at once without warning. Their feet shall slide in due
time. Just shame is it to the sons of men, that He whose delight
it was to do them good, and who so loved them as to shed His
blood for them, should have so many in the world to despise and
reject His offers; but thus is the ancient Scripture
fulfilled--'The natural man receiveth not the things of the
Spirit of God' (1 Cor. ii. 14).

Tremble at your state, all ye that from self-righteousness, or
pride, or unwillingness to follow Him in the regeneration,
disregard Christ! Nothing keeps you one moment from perdition
but the mere sovereign pleasure of God. Yet suppose not that we
take pleasure in contradicting your natural sentiments on
religion, or in giving pain by forcing offensive truths upon
your attention--no! as the ministers of joy and peace we rise up
at the command of God, to preach Christ crucified to you all. He
died for His bitterest enemies: therefore, though ye have been
Jews or Greeks, self-righteous, ignorant, or profane--though ye
have presumed to call His truths in question, treated the Bible
with contempt, or even chosen to prefer an idol to the
Saviour--yet return, at length, before you die, and God is
willing to forgive you.

How happy is the condition of those who obey the call of the
Gospel. Their hope being placed on that way of salvation which
is the _power_ and _wisdom_ of God, on what a broad, firm basis
doth it rest! Heaven and earth may pass away, though much of the
power and wisdom of God was employed in erecting that fabric;
but the power and wisdom themselves of God must be cut off from
His immutable essence, and pass away, before one tittle of your
hope can fail. Then rejoice, ye children of Wisdom, by whom she
is justified. Happy are your eyes, for they see; and your ears,
for they hear; and the things which God hath hidden from the
wise and prudent, He hath revealed unto you. Ye were righteous
in your own esteem; but ye 'count all things but loss for the
excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus our Lord.' Then be
not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, 'which is the power of God
unto salvation unto every one that believeth'; but continue to
display its efficacy by the holiness of your lives, and live
rejoicing in hope of the glory of God.

The opposition of the officers and many of the troops on board the transport had made the preacher familiar with attack and misrepresentation, but not less faithful in expounding the Gospel of the grace of God as he himself had received it to his joy, and for his service to the death. But the ministrations of David Brown for some years might have been expected to have made the civilians and merchants of Calcutta more tolerant, if not more intelligent. They were, however, incited or led by the two other chaplains thus:

_1806, June 16._--Heard that Dr. Ward had made an intemperate
attack upon me yesterday at the new church, and upon all the
doctrines of the Gospel. I felt like the rest, disposed to be
entertained at it; but I knew it to be wrong, and therefore
found it far sweeter to retire and pray, with my mind fixed upon
the more awful things of another world.

_June 22._--Attended at the new church, and heard Mr. Jefferies
on the evidences of Christianity. I had laboured much in prayer
in the morning that God would be pleased to keep my heart during
the service from thinking about men, and I could say as I was
going, 'I will go up to Thy house in the multitude of Thy
mercies, and in Thy fear will I worship toward Thy holy temple.'
In public worship I was rather more heavenly-minded than on
former occasions, yet still vain and wandering. At night
preached on John x. 11: 'I am the good shepherd;' there was
great attention. Yet felt a little dejected afterwards, as if I
always preached without doing good.

_July 6._--Laboured to have my mind impressed with holy things,
particularly because I expected to have a personal attack from
the pulpit. Mr. Limerick preached from 2 Pet. i. 13, and spoke
with sufficient plainness against me and my doctrines. Called
them inconsistent, extravagant, and absurd. He drew a vast
variety of false inferences from the doctrines, and thence
argued against the doctrines themselves. To say that repentance
is the gift of God was to induce men to sit still and wait for
God. To teach that Nature was wholly corrupt was to lead men to
despair; that men thinking the righteousness of Christ
sufficient to justify, will account it unnecessary to have any
of their own: this last assertion moved me considerably, and I
started at hearing such downright heresy. He spoke of me as one
of those who understand neither what they say nor whereof they
affirm, and as speaking only to gratify self-sufficiency, pride,
and uncharitableness. I rejoiced at having the sacrament of the
Lord's Supper afterwards, as the solemnities of that blessed
ordinance sweetly tended to soothe the asperities and dissipate
the contempt which was rising; and I think I administered the
cup to ---- and ---- with sincere good-will. At night I preached
on John iv. 10, at the mission church, and, blessed be God! with
an enlarged heart. I saw ---- in tears, and that encouraged me
to hope that perhaps some were savingly affected, but I feel no
desire except that my God should be glorified. If any are
awakened at hearing me, let me not hear of it if I should glory.

_August 24._--At the new church, Mr. Jefferies preached. I
preached in the evening on Matt. xi. 28, without much heart, yet
the people as attentive as possible.

_August 25._--Called on Mr. Limerick and Mr. Birch; with the
latter I had a good deal of conversation on the practicability
of establishing schools, and uniting in a society. An officer
who was there took upon him to call in question the lawfulness
of interfering with the religion of the natives, and said that
at Delhi the Christians were some of the worst people there. I
was glad at the prospect of meeting with these Christians. The
Lord enabled me to speak boldly to the man, and to silence him.
From thence I went to the Governor-General's levée, and received
great attention from him, as, indeed, from most others here.
Perhaps it is a snare of Satan to stop my mouth, and make me
unwilling to preach faithfully to them. The Lord have mercy,
and quicken me to diligence.

_August 26._--At night Marshman came, and our conversation was
very refreshing and profitable. Truly the love of God is the
happiness of the soul! My soul felt much sweetness at this
thought, and breathed after God. At midnight Marshman came to
the pagoda, and awakened me with the information that Sir G.
Barlow had sent word to Carey not to disperse any more tracts
nor send out more native brethren, or in any way interfere with
the prejudices of the natives. We did not know what to make of
this; the subject so excited me that I was again deprived of
necessary sleep.

_August 28._--Enjoyed much comfort in my soul this morning, and
ardour for my work, but afterwards consciousness of indolence
and unprofitableness made me uneasy. In the evening Mr.
Marshman, Ward, Moore, and Rowe came up and talked with us on
the Governor's prohibition of preaching the Gospel, &c. Mr.
Brown's advice was full of wisdom, and weighed with them all. I
was exceedingly excited, and spoke with vehemence against the
measures of government, which afterwards filled me justly with
shame.

The earnestness of the young chaplain was such that 'the people of Calcutta,' or all the Evangelicals, joined even by the Baptist missionaries at Serampore, gave him no rest that he might consent to become minister of the mission or old church, with a chaplain's salary and house. Dr. Marshman urged that thus he might create a missionary spirit and organise missionary undertakings of more value to the natives than the preaching of any one man. But he remained deaf to the temptation, while he passed on the call to Cousin T. Hitchins and Emma, at Plymouth. His call was not to preach even in the metropolis of British India, the centre of Southern Asia; but, through their own languages, to set in motion a force which must win North India, Arabia, and Persia to Christ, while by his death he should stir up the great Church of England to do its duty.

Serampore was the scene of his praying, his communing, and his studying, while every Sunday was given to his duties in Calcutta, as he waited five months for his first appointment to a military station. David Brown had not long before acquired Aldeen House, with its tropical garden and English-like lawn sloping down to the river, nearly opposite the Governor-General's summer-house and park of Barrackpore. Connected with the garden was the old and architecturally picturesque temple of the idol Radha-bullub, which had been removed farther inland because the safety of the shrine was imperilled by the river. But the temple still stands, in spite of the rapid Hoogli at its base, and the more destructive peepul tree which has spread over its massive dome. In 1854, when the present writer first visited the now historic spot, even the platform above the river was secure, but that has since disappeared, with much of the fine brick moulding and tracery work. Here was the young saint's home; ever since it has been known as Henry Martyn's Pagoda, and has been an object of interest to hundreds of visitors from Europe and America.

Henry Martyn became one of David Brown's family, with whom he kept up the most loving correspondence almost to his death. But he spent even more time with the already experienced missionaries who formed the famous brotherhood a little farther up the right bank of the Hoogli. Carey thus wrote of him, knowing nothing of the fact that it was his own earlier reports which, in Simeon's hands, had first led Martyn to desire the missionary career: 'A young clergyman, Mr. Martyn, is lately arrived, who is possessed of a truly missionary spirit. He lives at present with Mr. Brown, and as the image or shadow of bigotry is not known among us here, we take sweet counsel together and go to the house of God as friends.' Later on, the founder of the Modern Missionary enterprise, who desired to send a missionary to every great centre in North India, declared of the Anglican chaplain that, wherever he went no other missionary would be needed. The late Mr. John Clark Marshman, C.S.I., who as a lad saw them daily, wrote: 'A strong feeling of sympathy drew him into a close intimacy with Dr. Marshman, and they might be often seen walking arm in arm, for hours together, on the banks of the river between Aldeen House and the Mission House.' To the last he addressed Dr. Marshman, in frequent letters, as his 'dear brother,' anticipating the catholic tenderness of Bishop Heber.[22] Martyn attended those family lectures of Ward on the Hindus which resulted in his great book on the subject. In the Pagoda, 'Carey, Marshman, and Ward joined in the same chorus of praise with Brown, Martyn, and Corrie.' Martyn himself gives us these exquisite unconscious pictures of Christian life in Serampore, in which all true missionaries face to face with the common enemy have followed the giants of those days.

_1806, May 19._--In the cool of the evening we walked to the
mission-house, a few hundred yards off, and I at last saw the
place about which I have so long read with pleasure. I was
introduced to all the missionaries. We sat down about one
hundred and fifty to tea, at several long tables in an immense
room. After this there was evening service in another room
adjoining, by Mr. Ward. Mr. Marshman then delivered his lecture
on grammar. As his observations were chiefly confined to the
Greek, and seemed intended for the young missionaries, I was
rather disappointed, having expected to hear something about the
Oriental languages. With Mr. M. alone I had much conversation,
and received the first encouragement to be a missionary that I
have met with since I came to this country. I blessed God in my
heart for this seasonable supply of refreshment. Finding my sore
throat and cough much increased, I thought there might be some
danger, and felt rather low at the prospect of death. I could
scarcely tell why. The constant uneasiness I am in from the
bites of the mosquitoes made me rather fretful also. My
habitation assigned me by Mr. Brown is a pagoda in his grounds,
on the edge of the river. Thither I retired at night, and really
felt something like superstitious dread at being in a place once
inhabited, as it were, by devils, but yet felt disposed to be
triumphantly joyful that the temple where they were worshipped
was become Christ's oratory. I prayed out aloud to my God, and
the echoes returned from the vaulted roof. Oh, may I so pray
that the dome of heaven may resound! I like my dwelling much, it
is so retired and free from noise; it has so many recesses and
cells that I can hardly find my way in and out.

_May 20._--Employed in preparing a sermon for to-morrow, and
while walking about for this purpose, my body and mind active,
my melancholy was a little relieved by the hope that I should
not be entirely useless as a missionary. In the evening I walked
with Mr. Brown, to see the evening worship at a pagoda whither
they say the god who inhabited my pagoda retired some years ago.
As we walked through the dark wood which everywhere covers the
country, the cymbals and drums struck up, and never did sounds
go through my heart with such horror in my life. The pagoda was
in a court, surrounded by a wall, and the way up to it was by a
flight of steps on each side. The people to the number of about
fifty were standing on the outside, and playing the instruments.
In the centre of the building was the idol, a little ugly black
image, about two feet high, with a few lights burning round him.
At intervals they prostrated themselves with their foreheads to
the earth. I shivered at being in the neighbourhood of hell; my
heart was ready to burst at the dreadful state to which the
Devil had brought my poor fellow-creatures. I would have given
the world to have known the language, to have preached to them.
At this moment Mr. Marshman arrived, and my soul exulted that
the truth would now be made known. He addressed the Brahmins
with a few questions about the god; they seemed to be all agreed
with Mr. Marshman, and quite ashamed at being interrogated, when
they knew they could give no answer. They were at least mute,
and would not reply; and when he continued speaking they struck
up again with their detestable music, and so silenced him. We
walked away in sorrow, but the scene we had witnessed gave rise
to a very profitable conversation, which lasted some hours.
Marshman in conversation with me alone sketched out what he
thought would be the most useful plan for me to pursue in India;
which would be to stay in Calcutta a year to learn the language,
and when I went up the country to take one or two native
brethren with me, to send them forth, and preach occasionally
only to confirm their word, to establish schools, and visit
them. He said I should do far more good in the way of influence
than merely by actual preaching. After all, whatever God may
appoint, prayer is the great thing. Oh, that I may be a man of
prayer; my spirit still struggles for deliverance from all my
corruptions.

_May 22._--In our walk at sunset, met Mr. Marshman, with whom I
continued talking about the languages. Telling Mr. Brown about
my Cambridge honours, I found my pride stirred, and bitterly
repented having said anything about it. Surely the increase of
humility need not be neglected when silence may do it.

_May 23._--Was in general in a spiritual, happy frame the whole
day, which I cannot but ascribe to my being more diligent and
frequent in prayer over the Scriptures, so that it is the
neglect of this duty that keeps my soul so low. Began the
Bengali grammar, and got on considerably. Continued my letters
to Mr. Simeon and Emma. At night we attended a conference of the
missionaries on this subject: 'Whether God could save sinners
without the death of Christ.' Messrs. Carey, Marshman, and Ward
spoke, Mr. Brown and myself. I offered what might be said on the
opposite side of the question to that which the rest took, to
show that He might have saved them without Christ. About
fourteen of the Bengali brethren were present and spoke on the
subject. Ram Roteen prayed.

_Monday, May 26._--Went up to Serampore with Mr. Brown, with
whom I had much enlivening conversation. Why cannot I be like
Fletcher and Brainerd, and those men of modern times? Is
anything too hard for the Lord? Cannot my stupid stony heart be
made to flame with love and zeal? What is it that bewitches me,
that I live such a dying life? My soul groans under its bondage.
In the evening Marshman called; I walked back with him, and was
not a little offended at his speaking against the use of a
liturgy. I returned full of grief at the offences which arise
amongst men, and determined to be more alone with the blessed
God.

_May 29._--Had some conversation with Marshman alone on the
prospects of the Gospel in this country, and the state of
religion in our hearts, for which I felt more anxious.
Notwithstanding, I endeavoured to guard against prating only to
display my experience; I found myself somewhat ruffled by the
conversation, and derived no benefit from it, but felt desirous
only to get away from the world, and to cease from men; my pride
was a little hurt by Marshman's questioning me as the merest
novice. He probably sees farther into me than I see into myself.

_June 12._--Still exceedingly feeble; endeavoured to think on a
subject, and was much irritated at being unable to write a word.
Mrs. Brown, and afterwards Mr. Brown, paid me a visit. I came
into the house to dinner, but while there I felt as if fainting
or dying, and indeed really thought I was departing this life. I
was brought back again to the pagoda, and then on my bed I began
to pray as on the verge of eternity. The Lord was pleased to
break my hard heart, and deliver me from that satanic spirit of
light and arrogant unconcern about which I groaned out my
complaint to God. From this time I lay in tears, interceding for
the unfortunate natives of this country; thinking with myself,
that the most despised Soodra of India was of as much value, in
the sight of God, as the King of Great Britain: through the rest
of the day my soul remained in a spirit of contrition.

_June 14._--A pundit came to me this morning, but after having
my patience tried with him, I was obliged to send him away, as
he knew nothing about Hindustani. I was exceedingly puzzled to
know how I should ever be able to acquire any assistance in
learning these languages. Alas! what trials are awaiting me.
Sickness and the climate have increased the irritability of my
temper, and occasions of trying it occur constantly. In the
afternoon, while pleading for a contrite tender spirit, but in
vain, I was obliged to cease praying for that tenderness of
spirit, and to go on to other petitions, and by this means was
brought to a more submissive state. Officiated at evening
worship.

_June 15._--Found my mouth salivated this morning from calomel.
Attended the morning service at the mission-house; Mr. Marsdon
preached. After service Marshman and Carey talked with me in the
usual cheering way about missionary things, but my mind was
dark. In the afternoon was rather more comfortable in prayer,
and at evening worship was assisted to go through the duties of
it with cheerfulness. Read some of Whitfield's _Sermons_.

_June 19._--Rose in gloom, but that was soon dissipated by
consideration and prayer. Began after breakfast for the first
time with a moonshi, a Cashmerian Brahmin, with whom I was much
pleased. In the boat, back to Serampore, learning roots.
Officiated at evening worship. Walked at night with Marshman and
Mr. Brown to the bazaar held at this time of the year, for the
use of the people assembling at Juggernaut. The booth or
carriage was fifty feet high, in appearance a wooden temple,
with rows of wheels through the centre of it. By the side of
this a native brother who attended Marshman gave away papers,
and this gave occasion to disputes, which continued a
considerable time between Marshman and the Brahmins. Felt
somewhat hurt at night at ----'s insinuating that my low
spirits, as he called it, was owing to want of diligence. God
help me to be free from this charge, and yet not desirous to
make a show before men. May I walk in sweet and inward communion
with Him, labouring with never-ceasing diligence and care, and
assured that I shall not live or labour in vain.

_June 24._--At daylight left Calcutta, and had my temper greatly
exercised by the neglects and improper behaviour of the servants
and boatmen. Arrived at Serampore at eight, and retired to my
pagoda, intending to spend the day in fasting and prayer; but
after a prayer in which the Lord helped me to review with sorrow
the wickedness of my past life, I was so overcome with fatigue
that I fell asleep, and thus lost the whole morning; so I gave
up my original intention. Passed the afternoon in translating
the second chapter of St. Matthew into Hindustani. Had a long
conversation at night with Marshman, whose desire now is that I
should stay at Serampore, give myself to the study of Hindustani
for the sake of the Scriptures, and be ready to supply the place
of Carey and Marshman in the work, should they be taken off; and
for another reason--that I might awaken the attention of the
people of God in Calcutta more to missionary subjects. I was
struck with the importance of having proper persons here to
supply the place of these two men; but could not see that it was
the path God designed for me. I felt, however, a most impatient
desire that some of my friends should come out and give
themselves to the work; for which they are so much more fit in
point of learning than any of the Dissenters are, and could not
bear that a work of such stupendous magnitude should be
endangered by their neglect and love of the world. Marshman
recommended that the serious people in Calcutta should unite in
a society for the support of missions, and each subscribe fifty
rupees a month for their maintenance. Ten members with this
subscription could support sixty or seventy native brethren. He
wished me also to see the duty of their all remaining in the
country, learning the language, and instructing their servants.
My mind was so filled and excited by the first part of our
conversation, that I could not sleep for many hours after going
to bed. He told me that the people were surfeited with the
Gospel, and that they needed to be exhorted to duty.

_June 26._--Employed in translating St. Matthew into Hindustani,
and reading Mirza's translation; afterwards had moonshi a
little. In the afternoon walked with Mr. Brown to see
Juggernaut's car drawn back to its pagoda. Many thousands of
people were present, rending the air with acclamations. The car
with the tower was decorated with a vast number of flags, and
the Brahmins were passing to and fro through the different
compartments of it, catching the offerings of fruit, cowries,
&c., that were thrown up to the god, for which they threw down
in return small wreaths of flowers, which the people wore round
their necks and in their hair. When the car stopped at the
pagoda, the god and two attending deities were let down by
ropes, muffled up in red cloths, a band of singers with drums
and cymbals going round the car while this was performed. Before
the stumps of images, for they were not better, some of the
people prostrated themselves, striking the ground twice with
their foreheads; this excited more horror in me than I can well
express, and I was about to stammer out in Hindustani, 'Why do
ye these things?' and to preach the Gospel. The words were on my
lips--though if I had spoken thousands would have crowded round
me, and I should not have been understood. However, I felt my
spirit more inflamed with zeal than I ever conceived it would
be; and I thought that if I had words I would preach to the
multitudes all the day, if I lost my life for it. It was curious
how the women clasped their hands, and lifted them up as if in
the ecstasy of devotion, while Juggernaut was tumbled about in
the most clumsy manner before their eyes. I thought with some
sorrow that Satan may exert the same influence in exciting
apparently religious affections in professors of the Gospel, in
order to deceive souls to their eternal ruin. Dr. Taylor and Mr.
Moore joined us, and distributed tracts. Mr. Ward, we heard, was
at a distance preaching. On our return we met Marshman going
upon the same errand. In evening worship my heart was rather
drawn out for the heathen, and my soul in general through the
day enjoyed a cheering sense of God's love. Marshman joined us
again, and our conversation was about supporting some native
missions.

_June 30._--Went up to Serampore in the boat, learning roots.
Spent the afternoon chiefly in prayer, of which my soul stood
greatly in need through the snares into which my heart had been
falling. Called at the mission-house, and saw Mr. Marsdon
previous to the commencement of his missionary career. Now the
plans of God are, I trust, taking another step forward.

_July 2._--Mr. Brown proposed a prayer meeting between ourselves
and the missionaries previous to the departure of Dr. Taylor for
Surat. It was a season of grace to my soul, for some sense of
the vast importance of the occasion dwelt upon my mind in
prayer, and I desired earnestly to live zealously, labouring for
souls in every possible way, with more honesty and openness. In
the evening went to Marshman, and proposed it. There were at his
house many agreeable sights; one pundit was translating
Scripture into Sanskrit, another into Guzerati, and a table was
covered with materials for a Chinese dictionary. Employed with
moonshi in Hindu Story-teller, and in learning to write the
Persian characters.

_July 3._--Rose with some happiness in my soul, and delight in
the thought of an increase of labour in the Church of God.
Employed morning as usual, and in thinking of subject for
sermon. Was detained in the house at a time when I wanted
prayer. In the evening walked with the family through Serampore,
the native's part. At night we had a delightful spiritual
conversation. Thus my time passes most agreeably in this dear
family. Lord, let me be willing to leave it and the world with
joy.

_July 8._--Reading with moonshi all the morning. Spent the
afternoon in reading and prayer, as preparatory to a meeting of
the missionaries at night. At eight, ten of us met in my pagoda.
It was, throughout, a soul-refreshing ordinance to me. I felt as
I wished, as if having done with the world, and standing on the
very verge of heaven, rejoicing at the glorious work which God
will accomplish on the earth. The Lord will, I hope, hear our
prayers for our dear brother, on whose account we met, previous
to his departure for Surat. An idea thrown out by Carey pleased
me very much, not on account of its practicability, but its
grandeur, _i.e._ that there should be an annual meeting, at the
Cape of Good Hope, of all the missionaries in the world.

_July 9._--Dull and languid from the exertions and late hours of
yesterday. Reading the Sermon on the Mount, in the Hindustani
Testament, with moonshi. In the evening went to the
mission-house, drank tea, and attended their worship. These
affectionate souls never fail to mention me particularly in
their prayers, but I am grieved that they so mistake my
occasional warmth for zeal. It is one of the things in which I
am most low and backward, as the Lord, who seeth in secret,
knows too well. Oh, then, may any who think it worth while to
take up my name into their lips, pray for the beginning rather
than the continuance of zeal! Marshman, in my walk with him,
kindly assured me of his great regard and union of heart with
me. I would that I had more gratitude to God, for so putting it
into the hearts of His people to show regard to one so
undeserving of it. At night had much nearness to God in prayer.
I found it sweet to my spirit to reflect on my being a pilgrim
on earth, with Christ for my near and dear friend, and found
myself unwilling to leave off my prayer.

_July 10._--Employed during the morning with moonshi. At morning
and evening worship enjoyed freedom of access to God in prayer.
Mr. Brown's return in the evening, with another Christian
friend, added greatly to my pleasure. Marshman joined us at
night, but these enjoyments, from being too eagerly entered
into, often leave my soul carnally delighted only, instead of
bringing me nearer to God. Wrote sermon at night.

_July 12._--Most of this morning employed about sermon. In the
afternoon went down to Calcutta with Mr. Brown and all his
family; we passed the time very agreeably in singing hymns.
Found Europe letters on our arrival, but were disappointed in
not finding Corrie or Parson in the list of passengers. My
letters were from Lydia, T.H. and Emma, Mr. Simeon, and Sargent.
All their first letters had been taken in the Bell Packet. I
longed to see Lydia's, but the Lord saw it good, no doubt, not
to suffer it to arrive. The one I did receive from her was very
animating, and showed the extraordinary zeal and activity of her
mind. Mr. Simeon's letter contained her praises, and even he
seemed to regret that I had gone without her. My thoughts were
so occupied with these letters that I could get little or no
sleep.

_July 13._ (Sunday.)--Talked to Mr. Brown about Lydia, and read
her letter to him. He strongly recommended the measure of
endeavouring to bring her here, and was clear that my future
situation in the country would be such as to make it necessary
to be married. A letter from Colonel Sandys, which he opened
afterwards, spoke in the highest terms of her. The subject of
marriage was revived in my mind, but I feel rather a reluctance
to it. I enjoy in general such sweet peace of mind, from
considering myself a stranger upon earth, unconnected with any
persons, unknown, forgotten, that were I never thrown into any
more trying circumstances than I am in at present, no change
could add to my happiness. At the new church this morning, had
the happiness of hearing Mr. Jefferies preach. I trust God will
graciously keep him, and instruct him, and make him another
witness of Jesus in this place. My heart was greatly refreshed,
and rejoiced at it all the day. At night preached at the
missionary church, on Eph. ii. 1-3, to a small congregation. Sat
up late with Mr. Brown, considering the same subject as we had
been conversing on before, and it dwelt so much on my mind that
I got hardly any sleep the whole night.

_July 14._--The same subject engrosses my whole thoughts. Mr.
Brown's arguments appear so strong that my mind is almost made
up to send for Lydia. I could scarcely have any reasonable
doubts remaining, that her presence would most abundantly
promote the ends of the mission.

_July 15._--Most of the day with moonshi; at intervals, thinking
on subject for sermon. My affections seemed to be growing more
strong towards Lydia than I could wish, as I fear my judgment
will no longer remain unbiassed. The subject is constantly on my
mind, and imagination heightens the advantages to be obtained
from her presence. And yet, on the other hand, there is such a
sweet happiness in living unconnected with any creature, and
hastening through this life with not one single attraction to
detain my desires here, that I am often very unwilling to
exchange a life of celibacy for one of which I know nothing,
except that it is in general a life of care.

_July 16._--Morning with moonshi; afterwards preparing myself
for church. Preached at night, at missionary church, on Isa.
lxiii. 1. Both in prayers and sermon I felt my heart much more
affected than I expected, and there seemed to be some impression
on a few of the people. I feel to be thankful to God, and
grateful to the people, that they continue to hear me with such
attention. My thoughts this day have been rather averse to
marriage. Anxiety about the education and conversion of children
rather terrifies me.

_July 20._ (Sunday.)--Preached at the new church on 2 Cor. v.
17. Mr. Marshman dined with us, and at four I went to the
bazaar, to hear him preach to the natives. I arrived at the shed
before him, and found the native brethren singing, after which
one of them got up, and addressed the people with such firmness
and mild energy, notwithstanding their occasional contradictions
and ridicule, that I was quite delighted and refreshed. To see a
native Indian an earnest advocate for Jesus, how precious!
Marshman afterwards came, and prayed, sung, and preached. If I
were to be very severe with him, I should say that there is a
want of seriousness, tenderness, and dignity in his address, and
I felt pained that he should so frequently speak with contempt
of the Brahmins, many of whom were listening with great respect
and attention. The group presented all that variety of
countenance which the Word is represented as producing in a
heathen audience--some inattentive, others scornful, and others
seemingly melting under it. Another native brother, I believe,
then addressed them. An Indian sermon about Jesus Christ was
like music on my ear, and I felt inflamed to begin my work:
these poor people possess more intelligence and feeling than I
thought. At the end of the service there was a sort of uproar
when the papers were given away, and the attention of the
populace and of some Europeans was excited. Read prayers at
night at the missionary church; Mr. Brown preached on the
unspeakable gift.

_July 21._--Returned to Serampore rather in a low state of mind,
arising from deprivation of a society of which I had been too
fond.

_July 22._--Read Hindustani without moonshi. Not being able to
get to the pagoda from the incessant rain, I passed the latter
part of the day in the house, reading the life of Francis
Xavier. I was exceedingly roused at the astonishing example of
that great saint, and began to consider whether it was not my
duty to live, as he did, in voluntary poverty and celibacy. I
was not easy till I had determined to follow the same course,
when I should perceive that the kingdom of God would be more
advanced by it. At night I saw the awful necessity of being no
longer slothful, nor wasting my thoughts about such trifles as
whether I should be married or not, and felt a great degree of
fear, lest the blood of the five thousand Mohammedans, who, Mr.
Brown said, were to be found in Calcutta capable of
understanding a Hindustani sermon, should be required at my
hand.

_July 25._--The thought of the Mohammedans and heathens lies
very heavy upon my mind. The former, who are in Calcutta, I seem
to think are consigned to me by God, because nobody preaches in
Hindustani. Employed the morning in sermon and Hindustani. In
the afternoon went down to Calcutta. In the boat read Wrangham's
Essay and some of Mr. Lloyd's letters, when young. What
knowledge have some believers of the deep things of God! I felt
myself peculiarly deficient in that experimental knowledge of
Christ with which Mr. Lloyd was particularly favoured. Walked
from the landing-place, a mile and a half, through the native
part of Calcutta, amidst crowds of Orientals of all nations. How
would the spirit of St. Paul have been moved! The thought of
summoning the attention of such multitudes appeared very
formidable, and during the course of the evening was the
occasion of many solemn thoughts and prayer, that God would
deliver me from all softness of mind, fear, and
self-indulgence, and make me ready to suffer shame and death for
the name of the Lord Jesus.

_July 26._--My soul in general impressed with the awfulness of
my missionary work, and often shrinking from its difficulties.

_July 28._--In the boat to Serampore we read Mitchell's Essay on
_Evangelizing India_, and were much pleased and profited.
Whatever plans and speculations may be agitated, I felt it my
duty to think only of putting my hand to the work without delay.
Felt very unhappy at having other work put upon me, which will
keep me from making progress in the language. Nothing but
waiting upon God constantly for direction, and an assurance that
His never-ceasing love will direct my way, would keep me from
constant vexation. I scarcely do anything in the language, from
having my time so constantly taken up with writing sermons.

_July 29._--Much of this morning taken up in writing to Lydia.
As far as my own views extend, I feel no doubt at all about the
propriety of the measure--of at least proposing it. May the
Lord, in continuance of His loving-kindness to her and me,
direct her mind, that if she comes I may consider it as a
special gift from God, and not merely permitted by Him. Marshman
sat with us in the evening, and as usual was teeming with plans
for the propagation of the Gospel. Stayed up till midnight in
finishing the letter to Lydia.

TO LYDIA GRENFELL

Serampore: July 30, 1806.

My dearest Lydia,--On a subject so intimately connected with my
happiness and future ministry, as that on which I am now about
to address you, I wish to assure you that I am not acting with
precipitancy, or without much consideration and prayer, while I
at last sit down to request you to come out to me to India.

May the Lord graciously direct His blind and erring creature,
and not suffer the natural bias of his mind to lead him astray.
You are acquainted with much of the conflict I have undergone on
your account. It has been greater than you or Emma have
imagined, and yet not so painful as I deserve to have found it
for having suffered my affections to fasten so inordinately on
an earthly object.

Soon, however, after my final departure from Europe, God in
great mercy gave me deliverance, and favoured me throughout the
voyage with peace of mind, indifference about all worldly
connections, and devotedness to no object upon earth but the
work of Christ. I gave you up entirely--not the smallest
expectation remained in my mind of ever seeing you again till we
should meet in heaven: and the thought of this separation was
the less painful from the consolatory persuasion that our own
Father had so ordered it for our mutual good. I continued from
that time to remember you in my prayers only as a Christian
sister, though one very dear to me. On my arrival in this
country I saw no reason at first for supposing that marriage was
advisable for a missionary--or rather the subject did not offer
itself to my mind. The Baptist missionaries indeed recommended
it, and Mr. Brown; but not knowing any proper person in this
country, they were not very pressing upon the subject, and I
accordingly gave no attention to it. After a very short
experience and inquiry afterwards, my own opinions began to
change, and when a few weeks ago we received your welcome
letter, and others from Mr. Simeon and Colonel Sandys, both of
whom spoke of you in reference to me, I considered it even as a
call from God to satisfy myself fully concerning His will. From
the account which Mr. Simeon received of you from Mr. Thomason,
he seemed in his letter to me to regret that he had so strongly
dissuaded me from thinking about you at the time of my leaving
England. Colonel Sandys spoke in such terms of you, and of the
advantages to result from your presence in this country, that
Mr. Brown became very earnest for me to endeavour to prevail
upon you. Your letter to me perfectly delighted him, and induced
him to say that you would be the greatest aid to the mission I
could possibly meet with. I knew my own heart too well not to be
distrustful of it, especially as my affections were again
awakened, and accordingly all my labour and prayer have been to
check their influence, that I might see clearly the path of
duty.