Chapter XXX: Good-Night Words

If there is one time more than another when children ought to hear only loving words from their parents, and be helped to feel that theirs is a home of love and gladness, it is when they are going to bed at night. Good-night words to a child ought to be the best of words, as they are words of greatest potency. Yet not every parent realizes this important truth, nor does every child have the benefit of it.

The last waking thoughts of a child have a peculiar power over his mind and heart, and are influential in fixing his impressions and in shaping his character for all time. When he turns from play and playmates, and leaves the busy occupations of his little world, to lie down by himself to sleep, a child has a sense of loneliness and dependence which he does not feel at another time. Then he craves sympathy; he appreciates kindness; he is grieved by harshness or cold neglect.

How glad a true child is to kneel by his mother’s knee to pray his evening prayer, or to have his father kneel with him as he prays! How he enjoys words of approval or encouragement when they precede the good night kiss from either parent! With what warm and grateful affection his young heart glows as he feels the tender impress of his mother’s hand or lips upon his forehead before he drops asleep. How bright and dear to him that home seems at such an hour! How sorry he is for every word or act of unkindness which he then recalls from his conduct of the day! How ready he then is to confess his specific acts of misdoing, and all his remembered failures, and to make new resolves and purposes of better doing for the future!

Whatever else a child is impatient to grow away from, he does not readily outgrow the enjoyment of his mother’s good-night. As long as she is willing to visit his bedside, and give him a kiss, with a loving word, just before he goes to sleep, he is sure to count that privilege of his home as something above price, and without which he would have a sense of sad lack. And at no time is he more sure than then to be ready to do whatever his mother would ask of him; at no time do gentle, tender words of loving counsel from her sink deeper into his heart, or make an impression more abiding and influential.

There are young men and women, still at their childhood’s home, who look for their mother’s coming to give them her good-night kiss, with no less of interest and grateful affection than when they were little boys and girls. And there are many more people—both young and old—away from their homes, who thank God with all their hearts for the ineffaceable memories of such tokens of their dear mother’s love, while yet they were with her.

Notwithstanding this, however, there is perhaps no one thing in which parents generally are more liable to err than in impatient or unloving words to their children when the little ones are going to bed. The parents are tired, and their stock of patience is at the lowest. If the children are not as quiet and orderly and prompt as they should be, the parents rebuke them more sharply than they would for similar offenses earlier in the day. Too often children go to bed smarting under a sense of injustice from their parents, and brood over their troubles as they try to quiet themselves down to sleep. Their pillows are often wet with their tears of sorrow, and their little hearts are, perhaps, embittered and calloused through the abiding impressions of the wrong they have suffered, or the harshness they have experienced, while they were most susceptible to parental influences for good or ill.

It is a simple matter of fact that some parents actually postpone the punishment of their children for the misdeeds of the day until the leisure hour of twilight and bed-time. A great many mothers besides the “old woman who lived in a shoe,” in providing for a large family of children, have often “whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.” Perhaps children, as a rule, receive more whippings at bed-time than at any other of the twenty-four hours. And unquestionably they then have more scoldings.

“Do you hear me, children?” sounds out the voice of many a mother into the nursery as the children are getting to bed. “If you don’t stop playing and talking, and go right to sleep, I’ll come up there and just _make_ you.” And that is the echo of that mother’s voice which rings longest in her children’s ears.

Again, there are mothers who, without any thought of unkindness, are unwise enough to deliberately refuse a good-night kiss to their children, as a penalty for some slight misconduct; not realizing the essential cruelty of withholding from the little ones this assurance of affection, at a time when the tender heart prizes it above all else. The first effect of such a course as this is to cause bitterness of grief to the children. The repetition of such a course is liable to loosen the parent’s loving hold on the little ones, and to diminish the value of the good-night kiss. It is, indeed, probably true, that more children out of reputable homes are soured, and estranged, and are turned astray, through harshness and injustice, or by unwise severity, at their bed-time hour, than from any other provoking cause in their home-life.

Even where there is no harshness of manner or severity of treatment on the part of the parents, there is often an unwise giving of prominence, just then, to a child’s faults and failures, so as to sadden and depress the child unduly, and to cast a shade over that hour which ought to be the most hopeful and restful of all the waking hours. Whatever is said by a parent in the line of instruction toward a better course, at such a time, should be in the way of holding up a standard to be reached out after, rather than of rebuking the child’s misdoings and shortcomings in the irrevocable past. The latest waking impressions of every day, on every child, ought to be impressions of peace and joy and holy hope.

A sensitive, timid little boy, long years ago, was accustomed to lie down to sleep in a low “trundle-bed,” which was rolled under his parents’ bed by day, and was brought out for his use by night. As he lay there by himself in the darkness, he could hear the voices of his parents, in their lighted sitting-room, across the hall-way, on the other side of the house. It seemed to him that his parents never slept; for he left them awake when he was put to bed at night, and he found them awake when he left his bed in the morning. So far this thought was a cause of cheer to him, as his mind was busy with imaginings in the weird darkness of his lonely room.

After loving good-night words and kisses had been given him by both his patents, and he had nestled down to rest, this little boy was accustomed, night after night, to rouse up once more, and to call out from his trundle-bed to his strong-armed father, in the room from which the light gleamed out, beyond the shadowy hall-way, “Are you there, papa?” And the answer would come back cheerily, “Yes, my child, I am here.” “You’ll take care of me to-night, papa; won’t you?” was then his question. “Yes, I’ll take care of you, my child,” was the comforting response. “Go to sleep now. Good-night.” And the little fellow would fall asleep restfully, in the thought of those assuring good-night words.

A little matter that was to the loving father; but it was a great matter to the sensitive son. It helped to shape the son’s life. It gave the father an added hold on him; and it opened up the way for his clearer understanding of his dependence on the loving watchfulness of the All-Father. And to this day when that son, himself a father and a grandfather, lies down to sleep at night, he is accustomed, out of the memories of that lesson of long ago, to look up through the shadows of his earthly sleeping-place into the far-off light of his Father’s presence, and to call out, in the same spirit of child-like trust and helplessness as so long ago, “Father, you’ll take care of me to-night; won’t you?” And he hears the assuring answer come back, “He that keepeth thee will not slumber. The Lord shall keep thee from all evil. He shall keep thy soul. Sleep, my child, in peace.” And so he realizes the twofold blessing of a father’s good-night words.

A wise parent will prize and will rightly use the hour of the children’s bed-time. That is the golden hour for good impressions on the children’s hearts. That is the parent’s choicest opportunity of holy influence. There should be no severity then, no punishment at that time. Every word spoken in that hour should be a word of gentleness and affection. The words which are most likely to be borne in mind by the children, in all their later years, as best illustrating the spirit and influence of their parents, are the good-night words of those parents. And it may be that those words are the last that the parents shall ever have the privilege of speaking to their children; for every night of sleep is a pregnant suggestion of the night of the last sleep. Let, then, the good-night words of parents to their children be always those words by which the parents would be glad to be remembered when their voices are forever hushed; and which they themselves can recall gladly if their children’s ears are never again open to good-night words from them.

INDEX.

Abraham as a child-trainer, 14, 15.

Accidents, sympathy with children in, 255.

Adams, John Quincy, on the mother-love, 271.

Addison, Joseph, on reading, 175.

Affectation, of grief, for selfish ends, 98.

Afraid, when a child is old enough to be, 130.

Allowing play to a child’s imagination, 277–282 (see Imagination).

Ambidextrous, gain of being, 59.

Amusements:
training a child in, 155–164;
necessary to children, 155;
bad companionship to be avoided in, 159;
should have no element of chance, 160;
should not involve late hours, 161;
a choice of reading in, 176.

Anger:
never right in conference with a child, 44;
never punish a child in, 205–216;
defined, 205, 206;
confession by a parent of its influence on him, 209;
its exhibit as “indignation” in punishing, 212;
illustration of its evil on the mission-school superintendent, 213.

Animals:
training better than breaking for them, 50;
their knowledge through training, 143;
gain of calmness in training them, 220.

Answering:
a child’s request deliberately, 107;
a child’s questions, importance of, 122;
wise methods of, 124–128.

Apologizing, duty and manliness of, 172.

Appetite:
early control of, possible, 99;
training a child’s, 109–118.

Assertion, self, inconsistent with courtesy, 166.

Atmosphere, influence of the home, 257–262.

BAD boy, the:
some traits of, 207;
example of, in a mission-school, 213.

Bashful child, the, 18.

Bedtime:
a child’s impressibility at, 291–293;
a parent’s irritability at, 293–295;
mistakes of parents at, 295–297;
illustrative memories of, 297–300.

Beginning:
of training for a child, 15;
of a child’s self-control, 94.

Bending a child’s will, distinguished from its breaking, 38.

Best things kept for Sunday, 146.

Bible-study on Sunday is not always worship, 142.

Books [see Reading].

Braddock and Washington as contrasting cowardice and fear, 225.

Bravery consistent with fear, 225.

Breaking a child’s will is never right, 47–52.

Bushnell, Horace:
on giving a premium to a child’s fretting, 97;
on rewarding silence with “dainties,” 97;
on a parent’s sympathy with a child’s plays, 157 f;
on the place for a parental explosion against evil, 212.

CANDY:
used wrongly, 97, 116;
reserved for Sunday, 148.

Censure:
few words better than many in, 220;
a child’s sorrow from a playmate’s, 243;
evil of unsympathetic, 254.

Centripetal force of some amusements, 162.

Chance, the element of, not admissible in children’s amusements, 160.

Character:
shaped by child-training, 16;
possibilities of, perceived, 73;
shown in fears, 223.

Choice:
faculty of, identified with the will, 38;
God’s dealings with men, on the basis of their freedom of, 39;
not abrogated by rewards and punishments, 40;
of obedience or punishment, a fair one, 44, 46;
for a child by parents, of studies and duties, 58;
of food and drink, 109;
of amusements, 156, 164;
of reading, 176;
of companionships, 197 f.;
of a residence, school, a week-day school, or a Sunday-school, 201.

Christ [see Jesus Christ].

Christian faith, the remedy for child-sorrows, 245.

Christmas:
celebration of, may illustrate Sabbath observance, 146;
distinguishing then between fact and fancy, 279;
giving added value to a child’s, 283–290.

Church services should be made attractive to children, 153.

Classic examples of table-talk, 187.

Coaxing a child to be quiet, 97.

College curriculum, its value as a means of training, 56.

Comforting children by sympathy, 249.

Companionships:
in a child’s amusements to be guarded, 159;
guiding a child in, 197–204.

Condiments, a child’s use of, 111, 115.

Confession:
of faults won through parental sympathy, 254;
a child’s readiness for, at bed-time, 292.

Conscientiousness, of young parents, as a cause of over-doing
child-training, 84 f.

Control [see Self-Control].

Conversation:
honoring a child’s interest in adult, 79;
evil to a child of having himself for the topic of, 170, 174;
favorable occasion for, at family meals, 189.

Counseling, not identical with training, 17.

Courtesy, training a child to, 165–174.

Cowardice, distinguished from fear, 224.

Criticism, of our children, by others, to be heeded, 34.

Crying:
controlling by self-control, 96;
not recognized as a means of gain, 106;
a child’s earliest action, 239.

Cultivating a child’s taste for reading, 175–186 [see Reading].

Curbing, an element in training, 30.

DARK side of life, seen first by the child, 239.

David’s recognition of the mother-love, 264.

Dealing tenderly with a child’s fears, 223–238 [see Fears].

Death in the atmosphere, 258.

Definition:
of training, 11;
of teaching, 12;
of faith, 129;
of courtesy, 165;
of good-breeding, 166;
of anger, 206;
of punishment, 207;
of scolding, 217;
of sympathy, 248;
of home atmosphere, 259;
of the false and of the unreal, 277.

Denying:
a child wisely, 61–70;
not to be done hastily, 107.

De Quincey on “fine manners,” 166.

Diagnosis, important in parental care, as in medical practice, 30.

Dictionary, at hand for use in table-talk, 193.

Discerning a child’s special need of training, 29–36.

Discipline:
by the use of “must” in child-training, 53 f.;
example of Spartan, 68;
danger of its over-doing, 85, 90;
in eating and drinking, 109 f.;
in the mission-school, 213, 214.

Dogs:
to be trained, not broken, 50 f.;
a natural tone of voice in the training of, 219.

Dolls, as a child’s treasure, 243.

Duty of training children, 17–22.

EDUCATION:
begins with training rather than teaching, 12;
progress in methods of, 54.

Eli honoring the child Samuel’s individuality, 73.

English custom of separating parents and children at meal-time, 190.

Etiquette, distinguished from courtesy, 170.

Eton, influence of its playground on the battle of Waterloo, 161.

_Ex post facto_ laws not justifiable, 215.

Eye and ear, trained by playthings and games, 160.

FACT and fancy, a child distinguishes between, 277.

Fairy-tales:
value and place of, 178;
safer reading than falsely colored religious story-books, 281.

Faith, training a child’s, 129–138.

Fancy and fact [see Fact].

Fathers sharing the amusements of children, 158.

Faults:
of children, friends and neighbors may see those which parents
do not, 33;
should excite parental sympathy, 253;
children more ready to confess, at bed-time, 292.

Fears, dealing tenderly with a child’s, 223–238.

Feeble-minded children, their special lack, 20, 21.

Fiction:
place and value of, in child’s reading, 178;
no place for the highly colored and over-wrought, 182;
when false is pernicious, 281.

First child, danger of over-doing the training of the, 84, 87.

Food:
for children, should be chosen by parents, 109;
inherited tastes for, may be overcome by training, 109;
freaks of appetite for, 112;
an American educator’s method of training his children’s tastes
for, 114.

Forcing a child’s will:
never right, 42 f.;
permanent harm of, 48.

Freedom:
of man’s will, the basis of divine dealing, 39, and fore-ordained,
40;
to ask questions, limited, 123;
should be permitted in family table-talk, 192;
from anxiety and sorrow not characteristic of childhood, 239.

Freshness of a child’s thought on profound themes, 80, 131.

“Friend-enemies,” parents as, according to Herbert Spencer, 255.

GAMES:
for Sunday, 147;
should be made a means of good, 159;
the element of chance should be excluded from, 160;
of an intellectual nature, 163;
the right use of imagination in, 278, 279.

Gentlemanliness, appealing to a boy’s, 79.

Gentleness:
in child-training, 44;
in dog-training, 50, 219;
in managing a city mission-school, 213, 214;
in censuring, 220;
in dealing with a child’s fears, 223 f.

“Ghosts and goblins,” in child-fears, 226, 237.

Gifts:
abundance of, now unappreciated, 67;
at Christmas, valued in proportion to the giver’s self going with
them, 283, 289.

Gleason, the horse-trainer, methods of, 50.

Good-breeding, defined, 166.

Good-night words, 291–300.

Gospel of John, as a first Bible book for South Sea Islanders, 132.

Grief:
affectation of, for rewards, 97;
freedom from, not characteristic of childhood, 239.

Guests, permitting children to sit at table with, 189.

Guiding a child in companionships, 197–204 [see Companionships].

Gullet, rubbing of the, a primitive custom, 14.

HABITS:
formed in infancy, 13, 94;
affected by training, 27;
should be regulated by parents, 56, 110, 112, 117.

Hagar, an example of the mother-love, 265.

Hammond, S. T., on dog-training, 50, 219.

Hannah, an example of the mother-love, 266.

Hasty denial of a child’s request, unwise, 107.

History, a child trained to enjoy books of, 180.

Home:
amusements of, should be a centripetal force, 162;
to be made attractive, 163.

Home atmosphere, influence of, 162 f., 257–262.

Honoring a child’s individuality 23, 29, 37, 57, 71–82.

Horses trained, not broken, 50.

ILLUSTRATIONS:
on the effects of training, 24;
Johnny and his father, as to shutting the door, 42;
a boy addressing a visitor by a familiar title, 46;
from animal-training, 50, 219;
flogging children on Innocents’ Day, 54;
the raisin-box wagon, 67;
self-denial of Spartans, 68;
difference between clay and the living germ, 72;
boy who knew better than his mother how sick he was, 76;
boy who could not spare his watch, 77;
stanzas from Wordsworth, 81;
a young father over-disciplining his first child, 84, 87;
“yanking” at the reins, 91;
“I want to be pacified,” 97;
an American educator training the children’s appetite for food, 114;
Shetland ponies trained to eat hay, 116;
Bishop Patteson among the South Sea Islanders, 132;
a boy’s rejoicing that Monday had come, 153;
battle of Waterloo won on Eton’s playground, 161;
Fourth of July suggesting study of American history, 184;
the table-talk of famous guests, as a means of education, 191;
lateral and perpendicular forces, 198;
a parent who could punish only when angry, 209;
a mission-school boy reproving his superintendent, 213;
a child punished in love, responding with love, 214;
Braddock and Washington in the presence of peril, 225;
a baby who “doesn’t like God’s voice,” 231;
a father overcoming his child’s fear of lightning, 231;
power of imaginary fear over a strong man, 233;
trusting God when afraid, 236;
“Do robbers take dolls?” 243;
a boy suicide, 245;
from Herbert Spencer, on sympathy, 249;
life and death in the atmosphere, 258;
historical, of a mother’s love, 263–276;
of the play of a child’s imagination, 278;
of Christmas festivities, 284 f.;
“the old woman that lived in a shoe,” 294;
the boy calling from his “trundle-bed” to his father, 297.

Imagination:
encouraging free play of a child’s, 176;
a cause of child-fears, 225;
its part in the fears of the mature man, 233;
distinguished from superstition, 234;
to be appealed to, in overcoming such fears, 235, 236;
a child’s, to be guarded from ghost-stories, 237;
allowing play to a child’s, 277–282.

Imperfect development of every child, 21.

Improvements in school appliances, etc., 54.

Incarnation, disclosure of, in training child-faith, 136.

Inclination must submit to discipline, 57.

Indignation, in punishing, distinguished from anger, 212.

Influence of the home atmosphere, 257–262.

Innate, faith toward God is, but knowledge of him is not, 130.

“Innocents’ Day,” a time for flogging children, 54.

Instinctive:
faith of every child, 129;
fears, the value of, 229.

Interrogation-point, a child as an animated, 119.

Issue with a child to be avoided as far as possible, 46, 88.

JAMES and John, their mother’s example of the mother-love, 266.

Jeroboam’s wife, an example of the mother-love, 266.

Jesus Christ:
incarnation of, readily grasped by a child’s faith, 136;
table-talk of, 188;
recognizing, on the cross, his mother’s love, 265;
sympathizes with our enjoyments, 290.

Jochebed, an example of the mother-love, 265.

John’s Gospel as a first book for heathen converts, 132.

Johnson, Dr., on reading, 175;
on the mother-love, 269.

Joyful observance of the Lord’s Day, 141, 153.

Judgment, in judge or parent, should not be hasty, 206.

KINDERGARTEN, a fundamental truth in its system, 160.

Knowledge:
begins with a question, 119;
questions should be directed in order to gain, 125;
regarding God, must be disclosed to the child, 130.

LATE hours, amusements of the child should not involve, 161.

Laughing:
a time for, 99;
not so easy, for a baby, as crying, 239.

Letting alone as a means of child-training, 83–92.

Life:
children see dark side of, first, 239;
burdens of, rest heaviest on the child-nature, 240;
death and, in the atmosphere, 258.

Lightning and thunder, overcoming a child’s fears of, 231.

Limitations:
scope and, of child-training, 23–28;
to a child’s privilege of question-asking, 123.

Lord’s Day:
every day is, 139;
set apart from other days, in childish occupations, toys, etc., 144.

Love:
God’s, includes the bad child, 135;
necessary to acceptable worship or work, 140;
parental, in punishing, awakens child’s, 214;
distinguished from sympathy, 248, 256;
an element of the home atmosphere, 261;
the power of a mother’s, 263–276;
the divine compared with a mother’s, 261;
historical illustrations of, and testimonies to a mother’s, 263–276.

“Luck,” no place for it in children’s games, 160.

Luther, Martin:
individuality of, in childhood, honored by Trebonius, 74;
on the mother-love, 270.

MACAULAY, Lord, on the mother-love, 272.

Making believe as distinct from deception, 278.

Manliness promoted by amusements, 160.

Manners, fine, according to De Quincey, 166.

Meals, mental and moral enjoyments at, 187.

Memory:
of a mother’s love, its permanent influence, 263;
illustrated, 266–273;
of Christmas festivities, 289;
of the good-night kiss, 293.

Mental defects remedied, 25.

Misrepresenting God to a child, 135.

Mission-school, illustration of the bad boy in one, 213.

Moses, the possibilities of his character in infancy, 72.

Mother Goose, value of, 177.

Mother:
has more time than the father to share children’s amusements, 158;
scolding by a, no better than an apple-woman’s, 218;
commandments to honor, 267.

Mother’s love:
the power of a, 263–276;
memory of, in the good-night kiss, 293.

Music in the home, 163.

“Must” the place of, in training, 53–60 [see Discipline].

“NAGGING” is not training, 90.

Napoleon Bonaparte, on the mother-love, 273.

Natural:
objects, suggesting lines of reading, 184;
tone of voice, in dog-training and in child-training, 219;
power of sympathy not wholly, 256.

Neighbors’ criticism of our children valuable, 33.

Never punish a child in anger, 205–216.

News, daily, outlined by father at breakfast table, 193.

Night [see Good-night Words].

Nonsense songs, value of, 177.

Nott, President, soothed at ninety by old lullabies, 271.

OBSERVANCE of Sabbath, training a child to, 139–154.

“Only child, the:”
not always “spoiled,” 63;
disadvantage of his lack of companions at home, 200.

Opinions of a child, honoring the, 80.

Over-doing in child-training:
danger of, 83;
an error of the thoughtful as well as the thoughtless, 90.

Oxygen, analogy from, 258 f.

PARENTS:
undervalue their power to train, 17, 35;
blindness of, to the peculiar faults of their children, 31;
should heed criticism of neighbors and friends, 33;
faults of, often reappear in their children, 35;
should never force a child’s choice, 41;
anger no help to, in training, 44, 205;
permanent harm to, in breaking their child’s will, 48;
should control a child’s personal habits, 56;
must often deny a child’s requests, 62;
must honor a child’s individuality, 71;
often inferior in possibilities to their children, 75;
young, in danger of over-disciplining a child, 83;
should seek to avoid direct issues with a child, 89;
teaching the infant self-control, 94;
training children to tease, 102;
respect of, lost by children who tease, 105;
giving sugar and condiments, 116;
average, unable to answer questions of average children, 122;
as revealers of revelation, 131;
must have faith in order to train a child’s faith, 137;
should provide peculiar occupations and privileges for Sunday, 144,
148;
should be the center of their children’s amusements, 157, 163;
should learn from the kindergarten system, 160;
should train children to courtesy, 173;
responsible for children’s reading, 176, 180;
should give children a share in family table-talk, 190, 196;
responsible for choice of a child’s companions, 197, 201;
should never punish in anger, 205;
as peace-keepers and policemen, 211;
should never scold, 217;
should deal tenderly with child-fears, 223;
should have sympathy for child-sorrows, 242;
should point to Christ, as the way of comfort, 246;
as “friend-enemies,” 255;
responsible for a home-atmosphere, 259–261;
allowing play to a child’s imagination, 277 f.;
should prepare for Christmas festivities, 283 f.;
the good-night words of, 291.

Passions and appetites, self-control of, should begin early, 99.

Patience, necessity of:
in dog-training and child-training, 220;
especially at child’s bed-time, 294.

Patteson, Bishop, among the South Sea Islanders, 132.

Paul’s self-control, 98.

Person, faith rests on a, 129.

Personal:
power measured by will-power, 37;
character to be held sacred, 39, 71;
rights of children, honoring, 77;
merit, not a means of acceptance with God, 135.

Physical:
defects remedied, 25;
pain, endurance of, 96.

Place of “must” in training, the, 53–60.

Place of sympathy in child-training, 247–256.

Playmates:
treatment of visiting, 171;
unkindnesses of, 240 [see Companionships].

Playthings:
use of, in training the faculties, 160;
not a substitute for parental sympathy, 250;
imagination in the use of, 279, 280.

Politeness, true, 166.

Porter, President, on a college curriculum, 56.

Power of a mother’s love, the, 263–276 [see Mother’s Love].

Prayer:
meaning of, taught before the child can talk, 131;
faith in, not to supplant faith in God, 133;
sharing a child’s, 292;
a new meaning of, gained through a child’s good-night words, 299.

Preferences, personal:
not to control study and work, 59;
nor reading, 177.

Profound thought possible to a child, 80;
as of God’s personality and love, 131;
or, the doctrine of the incarnation, 136.

Protection of a child, in danger, distinguished from punishment,
210, 211.

Punish a child in anger, never, 205–216.

Punishment:
divine, not destructive of free-will, 40;
teaching a child to choose obedience or, 44 f.;
undue severity of, 45;
has a proper use, 205;
should be a calm and judicial act, 206;
distinguished from prompt protection of a child in danger, 210, 211;
administered in love, is recognized as love prompted, 214;
often harder for a parent than for his child, 215;
not to be inflicted upon an offense of ignorance, 215;
child’s permanent good the purpose of, 216;
evil of postponing until the child’s bed-time, 294, 295.

Puzzles, for Sunday, 151.

QUESTIONER, training a child as a, 119–128.

Questions:
children encouraged to ask, 120;
discouraged from asking improper, 123;
value of a set time for answering, 124;
should be in order to gain knowledge, 125;
wisdom of deferring answers to some, 127;
asking, in family table-talk, 192.

Quiet talking more effective than scolding, 220.

RACHEL, an example of the mother-love, 265.

Rarey, the horse-trainer, method of, 50.

Reading:
cultivating a child’s taste for, 175–186;
its value, according to Addison and Johnson, 175;
place and value of fiction in, 177, 178;
taste for good should be aroused in childhood, 180.

Reasonable fears to be met by reason, 228.

Recreation distinguished from amusement, 155.

Reference-books, use of, in family table-talk, 193.

Residence, companionships for children to be in mind, when choosing
a, 201.

Respect, self, of the courteous man, 166.

Rest, not in inaction, but in change, 142.

Rewards:
divine use of, 40;
dangers in the use of, 97.

Rich children in danger of being untrained in self-denial, 65.

Ridicule cannot overcome child-fears, 224, 228.

Rizpah, an example of the mother-love, 266.

Romans, their table-talk, 187.

Rubbing the gullet, a primitive custom, 14.

SABBATH observance, training children to, 139–154.

Samuel’s individuality, in childhood, honored by Eli, 73.

Santa Claus, as a Christmas fancy, 279.

Science, training a child to enjoy books of, 180.

Scolding:
never in order, 217–222;
most common at bed-time, 294.

Scope and limitations of child-training, 23–28 [see Limitations].

Self-assertion not consistent with courtesy, 166.

Self-control:
training a child to, 93–100;
necessary for parents before punishing a child, 210;
before censuring a child, 220.

Self-denial:
importance of training children to, 62;
an only child liable to lack stimulus to, 200.

Self-forgetfulness the basis of courtesy, 168.

Selfishness fostered by the granting of every request, 63.

Self-respect of the courteous man, 166.

Sermons for children, read at home on Sunday, 150.

Sharing:
children’s joys and sorrows, 248, 253;
children’s Christmas pleasures, 290;
in children’s evening prayer, 292.

Shetland ponies trained to eat hay, 116.

Shunammite woman, an example of the mother-love, 266.

Silly questions not to be encouraged, 125.

Skelton, John, on scolding, 218.

Skill, not chance, in children’s games, 161.

Soldier:
fear felt by every, 224;
imaginary fears of a, 234;
finding peace on his death-bed through the mother-love, 274.

Solomon:
on child-training, 15;
on honoring a mother, 267.

Sorrows of children, the, 239–246;
they call for sympathy, 247–256;
because of harsh treatment at bed-time, 294.

South Sea Islanders taught from John’s Gospel first, 132.

Spartan children trained to self-denial, 68.

Special need of training, discerning a child’s, 29–36.

Spencer, Herbert, on intellectual sympathy with children, 249.

Spoiled child, the:
not always an “only child,” 63;
may be a first child, over-disciplined, 87.

Studying a child’s specific needs, 35.

Sugar-plums to “pacify” crying children, 97, 111.

Suicide of children, 244.

Sunday-school:
lesson, studied at home on Sunday, 150;
attendance of, in early childhood, 152;
library-book, mission of the average, 179;
companionships in view while choosing a, 201.

Symmetry in child-training, dependent on companionships, 200.

Sympathy:
of parents with children in amusements, 157;
in companionships, 199;
in fears, 235 f.;
place of, in child-training, 247–256;
defined, 248, 256;
Herbert Spencer on, 249;
in a child’s misdeeds and accidents, 254;
not wholly natural to parents, 256;
in the “home-atmosphere,” 261;
craved by a child at bed-time, 292.

Syro-Phœnician woman, an example of the mother-love, 266.

TABLE-TALK, the value of, 187–196.

Taste in reading, cultivating a child’s, 175–186 [see Reading].

Teaching distinguished from training, 11.

Tease, training a child not to, 101–108.

Tenderly dealing with a child’s fears, 223–238 [see Fears].

Thought, profound, possible to a child, 80.

Thoughtfulness for others distinguished from self-forgetfulness, 169.

Thunder and lightning, overcoming a child’s fear of, 231.

Timidity to be overcome by training, 227.

Timothy’s mother, an example of the mother-love, 266.

Topics, assigning special, for next day’s family table-talk, 194.

Toys:
for Sunday, 145–147;
breaking of, a serious matter to a child, 243.

Training:
distinguished from teaching, 11;
defined, 12;
should begin at birth, 15;
shapes character, 16;
more than counseling, 17;
limited by a child’s capacity, 23;
special, necessary for every child, 29;
danger of its developing the poorer self, 30;
the child’s will, 37;
need of gentleness in, 44;
by discipline, 53;
a child to do unpleasant duties, 55, 59;
by denying requests, 61;
of an only child, 62;
letting alone as a means of, 83–92;
of a first child, 84 f.;
over-doing in, an error, 90;
“nagging” is not, 90;
to self-control, 93–100;
not to tease, 101–108;
Susannah Wesley’s method of, 105;
a child’s appetite, 109–118;
children as questioners, 119–128;
a child’s faith, 129–138;
to Sabbath observance, 139–154;
in amusements, 155–164;
to courtesy, 165–174;
a child’s taste in reading, 175;
value of table-talk in, 189;
child-companionships as an element in, 197;
has no place for scolding, 217–222;
tone of voice in, 219;
by tenderness toward a child’s fears, 223–238;
joyousness as a result of, 240;
sympathy as an aid in, 247–256;
home atmosphere as a power in, 257–262;
power of a mother’s love in, 263–276;
through the play of a child’s imagination, 277–282;
by good-night words and deeds, 291–300.

Trebonius, honoring the individuality of children, 74.

Trust:
child’s, is instinctive, 130;
prayer is not mere asking, but, 134.

“Tunge of a skolde,” John Skelton’s couplet on, 218.

UNSELFISHNESS:
the basis of courtesy, 165;
in a child’s companionships, 199.

VALUE:
of table-talk, 187–196;
giving added, to a child’s Christmas, 283–290.

Values, child-sorrows measured by those of the child, 243.

Voice, necessity of natural tone of, in training, 219.

WAGON, raisin-box, 67.

Wanting not always reason for granting, 69.

Washington and Braddock as to fear, 225.

Watch, boy who could not spare his, 77.

Waterloo, battle of, won on Eton’s playground, 161.

Wear, parents should decide what children may, 117.

Wellington, Duke of, quoted, 161.

Wesley, Susannah, her method in training, 105.

Whipping at bed-time, unwisdom of, 295.

Will, training of, rather than breaking, 37–52.

Wisdom:
in denying a child, 61–70;
more needed for letting alone than for commanding, 91.

Words, good-night [see Good-night].

Wordsworth, quoted, 81.

Worship:
more than mere quietness in church, 142;
family, on Sunday, 150.

“YANKING” at the reins is not good driving, 91.

Young:
parents, in danger of over-disciplining, 83;
teachers, peculiar influence of, 198;
people, welcoming the mother’s good-night kiss, 293.

End of Project Gutenberg's Hints on Child-training, by Henry Clay Trumbull