Chapter VII: Act V: Scene 1

Nille. Jeppe. Judge.

(Jeppe is represented hanging on a gallows.)

=Nille= (tears her hair, beats her breast, and cries)--Oh! Oh! Is it possible that I shall see my husband hanging on a gallows! Ah, my dearest husband! Forgive me if I have ever done anything to harm you. Oh, oh! Now my conscience awakes; now I am sorry, but too late, that I have treated you so mean; now I begin to miss you, now I can see what an excellent husband I have lost! Oh! Oh, if I could only bring you back from death, even at the cost of my own life and blood.

(Wipes her eyes and weeps bitterly. In the meantime the effects of the sleep-producing drink have worn off, and Jeppe wakes and sees himself hanging on a gallows with his hands tied behind his back; he hears his wife sobbing and speaks to her.)

=Jeppe=--Don't feel bad, my darling wife! We must all go this way sometime. Go home and take care of the house and look after my children. My red coat can be made over for little Christian, and what is left Martha may have for a cap. But, before all else, see to it that my dappled horse is well taken care of, for I loved that beast as if he was my own brother. If I wasn't dead I'd tell you a number of other things.

=Nille=--Oh--Oh--Oh--What is that? What do I hear? Can a dead man speak?

=Jeppe=--Do not fear, Nille; I won't hurt you.

=Nille=--Ah, my dearest husband, how can you speak when you are dead?

=Jeppe=--I don't know how it is myself. But listen, dear wife. Run like a streak and bring me eight pence worth of whiskey, for I am more thirsty now than when I was alive.

=Nille=--Fie! You beast! You rascal! You old sot! Didn't you drink whiskey enough while you were alive? Are you still thirsty, you dog, now that you are dead? You're what I call a regular hog!

=Jeppe=--Hold your tongue, you scold, and fetch the whiskey. If you don't do that I'll be hanged if I won't haunt the house every night. You must know that I'm not afraid of Master Erik any more, for I don't feel thrashings now. (Nille runs to the house after Master Erik, returns and thrashes him on the gallows.) Ou--Ou--Ouch! Stop, Nille! Stop! You might kill me again, Ou--Ou--Ouch!

=Judge= (interferes)--Look here, woman, you must not strike him any more. Be content; we will, for your sake, forgive your husband his offense, and sentence him to life again.

=Nille=--Ah, no, gracious lord! Just let him hang, for he is not worth the trouble.

=Judge=--Fie! You are a wicked woman! Get out of here quickly or we shall hang you up beside him. (Nille runs out.)

Scene 2.

Jeppe. The Court.

(Jeppe is being taken down from the gallows.)

=Jeppe=--Ah, your honor! Is it certain that I am quite alive again or am I a ghost?

=Judge=--You are quite alive; for the court which can sentence you to death can also sentence you to life. Can't you understand that?

=Jeppe=--No, I don't understand it, but I believe I am still a ghost.

=Judge=--Ah, you fool! That is easy to see. He who takes a thing from you can certainly give it back to you.

=Jeppe=--May I then try to hang the judge, just for fun, and see if I can sentence him to life again later?

=Judge=--No, that won't do; for you are no judge.

=Jeppe=--But am I then alive again?

=Judge=--Yes, you are.

=Jeppe=--So that I'm not a ghost?

=Judge=--Certainly not!

=Jeppe=--Nor a spirit?

=Judge=--No.

=Jeppe=--Am I then the same Jeppe on the Hill that I was before?

=Judge=--To be sure!

=Jeppe=--And not a spectre?

=Judge=--No, of course not.

=Jeppe=--Will you swear that it is true?

=Judge=--I swear that you are alive.

=Jeppe=--Will you cross your heart and hope to die if it isn't true?

=Judge=--You should believe what we say without question, and thank us that we have been so merciful as to sentence you to life again.

=Jeppe=--If you had not hanged me yourselves, I should have been glad to thank you for taking me down again.

=Judge=--Be content, Jeppe, and let us know when your wife beats you again, and we shall look into the matter. See, here are four Rixdollars, which you can have a good time with for awhile, and don't forget to drink our health.

(Jeppe kisses his hand and thanks him. The judge goes away.)

Scene 3.

=Jeppe= (alone)--Here I have lived for fifty years, and in all that time I have not gone through as much as in these two days. This is certainly a queer story, when I stop to think of it; one hour a drunken peasant, another hour baron, a third hour peasant again; now dead, now alive on a gallows,--which is the funniest of it all; maybe when live people get hanged they die, and when dead people get hanged they come to life again. I guess that a drink of whiskey would taste fine on this. Hey! Jakob Skomager, come out!

Scene 4.

Jakob Skomager. Jeppe.

=Jakob=--Welcome back from town! Did you get the soap for your wife?

=Jeppe=--Ay, you rascal, you must know what kind of people you are talking to! Off with your cap! for you are but an idiot compared to a fellow like me.

=Jakob=--I'd not stand such words from anyone else, Jeppe. But since you give my house a daily penny, I won't be too particular.

=Jeppe=--Off with your cap, you rascal!

=Jakob=--What has happened to you on the way, that you've got the big head?

=Jeppe=--You must know that I have been hanged since I spoke with you last.

=Jakob=--That is not so much to feel proud about. I don't envy you a bit. But listen, Jeppe, "where you have drunk your beer there you should show your spleen!" You become drunk at other places, but come into my house just to make a disturbance.

=Jeppe=--Quick, off with your cap, you rascal! Don't you hear that jingling in my pocket?

=Jakob= (with his hat under his arm)--Whew! Where did you get that money?

=Jeppe=--From my barony, Jakob. I'll tell you what has happened to me, but give me a glass of mead first; for I am too proud to drink Danish whiskey.

=Jakob=--Your health, Jeppe.

=Jeppe=--Now I shall tell you what has happened to me. When I left you I fell asleep; when I woke up again I was a baron, and got drunk again on canaille sack; when I got drunk of sack, I woke up on a dung-heap; when I woke up on the dung-heap, I lay down to sleep again, hoping that I would again become a baron, but I found that it doesn't always go like that; for my wife woke me up with Master Erik and dragged me in by the hair without having the least respect for such a man as I had been. When I came into the room I was kicked out head first, and saw myself surrounded by a lot of shysters, who sentenced me to death and killed me with poison; after I had been hanged I came to life again and got four Rixdollars. This is the whole story; but how such a thing could happen, I will let you imagine.

=Jakob=--Ha! Ha! Ha! It's a dream, Jeppe.

=Jeppe=--If I didn't have these four Rixdollars I'd think it was a dream, too. Give me another, Jakob, I'll not think more of that foolishness but have another good drink.

=Jakob=--Your health, Baron. Ha! Ha! Ha!

=Jeppe=--Perhaps you can't understand this, Jakob?

=Jakob=--Not if I stood on my head.

=Jeppe=--It might be true anyway, Jakob, for you are a dunce, and don't understand such things.

Scene 5.

Magnus. Jeppe. Jakob.

=Magnus=--Ha! Ha! Ha! I'll tell you a confounded story about a man called Jeppe on the Hill, who was found drunk and sleeping in the field,--his clothes were changed, and he was laid in the best bed on the estate. He was made to believe that he was the Baron, then they made him drunk again, and put him back on the dung-heap. When he woke up, he imagined that he had been in paradise. I laughed till I almost died when I heard that story from the overseer's men. I would give a Rixdollar if I could get a chance to see the fool. Ha, ha, ha!

=Jeppe=--How much do I owe, Jakob?

=Jakob=--Twelve pence.

(Jeppe wipes his mouth and goes away very much ashamed.)

=Magnus=--Why did that man leave so suddenly?

=Jakob=--That is the very person on whom the trick was played.

=Magnus=--Is it possible? Then I must hurry after him. Hold on, Jeppe! One word more. How is everything getting along in the other world?

=Jeppe=--Let me go in peace.

=Magnus=--Why didn't you stay there longer?

=Jeppe=--Is that any of your business?

=Magnus=--Ay, tell us something about your journey.

=Jeppe=--Let me go, I tell you; or I shall do something to you.

=Magnus=--Ay, Jeppe, I am so anxious to find out something about it.

=Jeppe=--Jakob Skomager! Help! Will you let people be attacked in your house?

=Magnus=--I am doing you no harm, Jeppe. I only ask what you saw in the other world.

=Jeppe=--Hey! Help! Help!

=Magnus=--Did you see any of my ancestors there?

=Jeppe=--No, your ancestors must be in the other place, where I hope you and other rascals will go when you die. (Struggles with Magnus and gets away.)

Scene 6.

Baron. His secretary. Valet. Two lackeys.

=Baron=--Ha, ha, ha! That joke is worth a good deal; I had not thought that it would have had such good effect. If you can amuse me as well again, Erik, you shall stand very high in my regard.

=Erik=--No, gracious lord, I dare not risk such comedy again; for if he had struck my lord, as he threatened to do, there might have been a terrible tragedy.

=Baron=--That is, by my faith, true enough. I myself feared it somewhat, but I was so interested in the outcome that I would rather have allowed myself to be struck,--yes, I believe I would rather have allowed myself to be hanged by him, Erik, than to have given the story away. You were probably of the same mind.

=Erik=--No, my lord! It would be rather strange to allow one's self to be hanged in jest, for that pleasure would be too costly.

=Baron=--Ay! Such things happen every day. If not in that manner, then in some other, do people lose their lives through some jest. For example, if a man has a weak will and knows that he is likely to lose both life and health from too much drink, still he is likely to overtask his strength and risk both for the sake of an evening's pleasure. I am convinced, Erik, that it would have been better if you had allowed yourself to be hanged rather than to have spoiled such a splendid comedy.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:

Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.

Inconsistencies in spelling, hyphenation, and punctuation have been
retained from the original.

Text in bold is surrounded by equals signs.