Chapter VII: Letter V

_A Blue Time--The Major Wins a Hat of the President--The Richmond Expedition of Gen. McClellan--Mr. Lincoln's Trick on the Major--A Letter From Jerusha Matilda Jenkins--She Gives Her Experience in Negro Teaching--Priscella Huggins and Elder Sniffles--Cloe, the Negro Girl who "Could not be Good unless she was Licked"--A Negro Meeting--Dancing and Singing--The Unpleasant Odor--Negroes Steal Miss Huggins' Clothes --They Purloin Jerusha's Petticoat--It is Thought that their Religion is not "Very Deep"--Mr. Lincoln Hears the Letter Read--He Declares that Port Royal is a "Cussed Hole"--Deacon Jenkins Shocked--He Proves it by the Scriptures._

WASHINGTON, April 1st, 1862.

_To the Editers of The Cawcashin_:

SURS:--I've ben awfully down in the mouth sence I writ you last. Things don't move nigh as fast as we all expected they would a spell ago; but I can't tell you the resin, for it wouldn't do to rite noose, for the rebils would get it. Linkin has ben feelin amazin bad; one day, wen we both had the dumps, Seward cum in, and ses he, "cheer up; its all goin to be over in thirty days." Linkin ses Seward reminds him of fellers he's seen out West who had the ager and fever. One day they think they are well, and the next they are shakin agin like all possessed. Wal, Linkin ralely did think that McClellan would be in Richmond by the 1st of April, even McClellan thought so. I telled Linkin he wouldn't, and bet him a bran new hat on it. So to-day I won it, but will you believe it, Linkin got a bet on me. He's a dredful cute critter in his way. Ses he to me, kinder funnin me I thought, ses he, "Majer, will you make a bet with me?" Ses I, "Yes, Kernel, I've jest won a bet of you, and taint more than fair to let you have a chanst now." "Wal," ses he, "I'll bet you a hat that I kin sneeze jest wen I've a mind to." Ses I, "Kernel, I don't believe it, and so I'll bet you. Now," ses I, "let's see you sneeze." "Wal," ses he, "I aint a _mind_ to now. So," ses he, "hand over that new hat." Ses he, "Majer, you aint quite as smart as you thought you was." Ses I, "Kernel, now jest hold on about the forty-leventh part of a minit. You bet me a _new_ hat, but I only bet you a _hat_, so," ses I, "you kin take the _old one_!" "Wal," ses Linkin, "Majer, you are jest the keenest Yankee I ever heerd tell on. You allers contrive to git ahed of me after all."

The other day I got a letter from Jerushy Matilda, Deacon Jenkins' darter, and Linkin was eenamost crazy to see how Chase's missionaries cum on. So I sot down, Deacon Jenkins was thar too, and read it all to Linkin, and I send it to you to print, jest as I promised. So here it is in full. Jerushy is a proper smart gal, and I guess thar aint menny of her age who can beat her:

BEAUFORT, S.C., March 25, 1862.

DEER UNCLE--I take my pen in hand to fulfil my promise to you. Now,
I'm goin to rite you the hull truth about things in this part of
the Lord's vinyard. I shall tell you some grate news, so you must
not tell par of it, for ef you do he'll rite hum about it, and then
it will soon be all over Downingville. I jest as live mar would
know it as not, but then she'll tell aunt Betsy Wiggles, and aunt
Betsy will go rite over to old Deliverance Grimes, and tell her,
and then Deliverance she'll put on her bonnet and start all over
town, and ef Jim Pendergrass gets hold of it he'll hector me to
death, for he's a rale pro-slavery Dimmycrat, and thinks that our
colored brethren and sisters are fit only for slaves. I can't deny
that I've been much disencurriged sence I've been here. You see
we've got a very queer set of gals and men here with us. Some of
'em are quite old gals, who haint been very lucky in life, and
naturally they feel kinder sour towards men in gineral. Some of 'em
have been schule marms for a good many years, and some have been
milliner gals. Two of 'em had a rale spat on the boat while we were
comin here. The way it happened was this: There is a spruce looking
old maid by the name of Priscilla Huggins, from Bosting, who is
very gifted in prayer, and she tuk a great notion to Elder
Sniffles, a young preacher, who is one of the piesest men I ever
see. She is quite an old gal, and there was another gal, a nice
looking and quite young gal, from York. Her name was Melissy Buggs.
One day Melissy giv Miss Huggins a terribel slap by tellin her that
she guessed she made believe being so pious jest to ketch Elder
Sniffles. When Miss Huggins heerd this, she sed something
unrespectful of milliner gals. "She didn't believe," she sed, "that
eny of 'em had religion, and what's more than that, they want eny
more respectable than they oughter be." When she sed that, Melissy
she jumped rite at her with both her hands, and ketched hold of her
har, and bless me, if she didn't pull nigh about all the har off
her hed, for it turned out it was false har and not genoine. When
Miss Huggins see her har on the floor, she turned as red as a beet,
and Melissy said she guessed her hart was jest as false as her har.
This made her redder yet, and jest at this point Elder Sniffles
came along. He cum up, and ses he, "My dear sis-ters, this is not
the way to walk in the fear of the Lord, and with gordly
conversashen edefin one another. I fear that the Lo-rd will not
bless your labors with our dear col-ored brethren, who have so long
been groanin and cryin to the saints for deliverance from chains
and slavery." This sort of rebuked them, but there's been a
constant jingle in our company ever since.

When we arrived here, we were all very much disappented not to find
a stage reddy to take us to the hotel, but las me! they aint got
any kind of decent livin here. Instead of a hotel, they telled us
we must cook our own vitals, and what do you think they giv us? The
government promised to board us an lodge us for teachin the poor
dear colored people, and takin keer of their souls, an we thought
they would do it in decent stile. Instead of that, all we could get
was sum salt pork and dry bread, jest the same as they giv to the
common sojers. I tell you, didn't all of us feel hoppin, when the
feller in brass buttons told us that was all he had for us. To
think of turnin ladies an gentlemen with such stuff was shockin. I
tell you, didn't Elder Sniffles giv him a piece of his mind, an
brothers Sleek and Goodenough, and Elder Wattles, and young Deacon
Dolittle all jined in, but they couldn't move the feller a mite. So
we took a house, the best one we could find empty, an commenced
doing for ourselves.

But I must tell you something about our colored brethren an
sisters. The sojers here treat 'em very badly, kick and cuff 'em,
an swear at 'em such horribel oaths that it makes the blood run
cold. But we have taken 'em by the hand and leadin 'em by love.
That old gal from Bosting, Priscella Huggins, actually hugged and
kissed one old colored lady, until all the others laughed and
jumped as if they thought it was very funny. For my part, I took a
great notion to a young black gal, wen I first come here. She sed
her name was Cloe, but she acted so much like Topsey, in that dear
good novel of that dear good woman, Miss Stowe, that I took Topsey
for me to teach. First off, I got along very with her. I axed her a
good many questions, among others, where she was born. She sed she
warn't born at all, but "was _raised_ over on the Edisto." But
jest as soon as I got done talkin to her, she seemed to forget all
about it, an would go to dancin an cuttin up Jim Crow capers. In a
day or two she got rale sassy, an I couldn't do nothin with her.
One day I had to actually drive her out of my room, but it warn't
but a little while before she put her wooly head in again. Then I
told her again "how that I had come down there on purpose to
elevate her, an to educate her, that she was jest as free as I was,
and that she would never have to mind her old mistress agin." Wen I
sed that, she bust out a cryin jest like a baby. Ses I, "What is
the matter, dear Topsey?" "Oh," ses she, "I can't nebber hear ole
missus talked of, but I bust rite out cryin. Oh! what a good missus
she was! boo! boo! boo!" an she kept on cryin as if her heart would
break. I thought it was dredful queer that she should be cryin to
go back to bondage. But pretty soon it was all over, an she began
to dance around the room jest as if she never thought of cryin.
Pretty soon she upset a chair, on which I had laid some things, an
I was awfully provoked. I took hold of her, and felt jest like
shakin her to pieces, wen I axed her, ses I, "Topsey, why don't you
be good?" "Las me! missus," she replied, "_I can't be good unless
I'm lickt_." I tell you I was discurriged. That night I went to
a colored meeting. The colored people are very religious, though
their religion don't seem to be so deep as it ought to be. They
danced and sung somethin like the Shaking Quakers, and I can't say
that it was very edefyin. There was nothing spiritual about it, and
the smell in the room was very unpleasant. Somehow colored people
have a very singular smell, that I never knew of before I come down
here, and the brothers and sisters don't like it at all. I had
actually to hold my nose all through meeting in my pocket
handkerchief, and yet it was almost more than I could stand. When
meeting was over I was mighty glad to get out, I tell you. I don't
know what we will do here all summer, but I expect we shall soon
get used to it. The very next day after the meeting, what do you
think happened? Why, we all went out to see a plantation, and while
we were gone, the colored brethren that we made so much of, and who
had pretended to be so pious, stole all the provisions that the
government gave us! They were all gone, and what is more, I lost my
best dress and a bran new petticoat that aunt Betsey Wiggles gave
me just before I started for Washington. But you would have laughed
to see old Miss Huggins go on about what she lost. They took all
but one pair of stockings, and the best night gown she had. When
Melisy Buggs heered of it she jumped rite up, and slapped her hands
and cried good. They also took off old Miss Huggins' stuff for
cleaning her false teeth, and you never heerd a woman go on so in
all your life. I guess if Elder Sniffles had heerd her rave and
tare as I did, he would think her piety warn't very deep. I didn't
keer so much for the loss of my petticoat, but if aunt Betsey finds
it out I'll never heer the last of it, and then if Jim Pendergrass
gets hold of it, what shall I do? He is the most awful hectorer
that ever lived, and he sets in church at Downingville, rite in
front of par's pew. He'll grin at me the hull time. But I cum off
good, I tell you. The other gals had to divide up with Miss
Huggins, or I don't know what she would have done. As it is, ef
much more is stolen from us we will all have to come home and get
new wardrobes. All the brothers and sisters have been very much
puzzled about this strange affair. The colored people all seem to
be so very pious that was not believed for a long time that they
could have stolen the things, but it seems they did, for old Miss
Huggins was determined to find out, and she went off to some of the
cabins, and there she found them tryin to comb their woolly heads
with one of her fine teeth combs!

I tell you what it is, uncle Jack, I am afraid I've come on a
fool's errand. Some how there aint the right look to things here,
and ef we don't succeed better in the future than we have so far,
in educating these colored people, I fear our labor will be lost.
They will talk well enough before your face, but it don't last. But
don't you let on to the Downingville folks that I'm at all
disencouraged. If I come home it will be on the excuse that the
climate don't agree with me. Elder Sniffles says no one must leave
for any other reason, for that would bring down odium on the great
cause. Elder Sniffles is going to preach hereafter regularly to the
colored brethren, and he hopes he will soon teach them how wicked
it is to steal. As soon as he teaches them that, then he is going
on to other subjects, but that must be taught them at once, for one
or two more hauls on us would send us all home with "nothing to
wear."

Your affectionate neece,

JERUSHA MATILDA JENKINS.

Wen I got thrue, Linkin jumped rite up out of his cheer and stomped his foot so as to make the house shake. Ses he, "What a cussed hole that Port Royal must be!" Decon Jenkins ses he, "Don't speak wickedly with your lips, Mr. President." "Wal," ses Linkin, "it _is_ a _cussed_ hole, and I ken prove it by the Scriptur." "I guess not," ses the Decon. "Wal," ses Linkin, "didn't the Lord cuss the earth for man's sins?" "Yes," ses the Decon. "Wal, I'de like to know," ses Linkin, "whether you think Port Royal _was an excepshin_?" I never seed a feller look so chop-fallen as the Decon did, and I snorted rite out a laughin, for the Decon thinks he's so smart on Scriptur. Linkin, however, declares that he ain't got nothin to do with this nigger schule teachin, but that it is all Chase's plans. But its turnin out jest as I expected; Jerusha now begins to see that what I telled her was true. The gal will be comin back afore long, you may be sure, but she'll be cured of niggerism; that will be one good thing. I only wish I could send all the old maids and silly gals in New England down there. They would soon get the nigger notions out of their heads.

Your frend,

MAJER JACK DOWNING.