Chapter XVII: Luke Is Discouraged

The four members who had left the Church Council when the vote went against Whist Drives for Church purposes, did not leave the Church. They valued their Vicar too much to do so suddenly; but they were thoroughly vexed at the decision arrived at.

It had been a blow to Luke to find that he only had a majority of one. He had hoped that his congregation had felt with him in the matter, and finding how strong the stream was towards such means of increasing the popularity of the Church, depressed him not a little.

Moreover, he felt bound, greatly against his will, to preach against such methods and to give his reasons for so doing; and though some respected him for his courage, there were others who resented it. To Rachel, the Sunday on which he mentioned the matter was a most painful day; though she was glad that Luke had spoken out on what was much on his mind.

"I am beginning to think," he said, on sitting down to dinner after the service, "that my time in the parish is about over. It seems to me my influence for good is not strong enough. It wants a stronger man than I am here."

"You are tired," said Rachel. "That's what is making you downhearted. Last week was such a very heavy one for you. In a day or two you will see things differently."

Luke smiled unbelievingly.

"What I should like, and in fact what I have always longed for," he said, "is a Church in London. Though I doubt if such an honour will ever come my way. I am not a big enough man to be trusted with a London parish."

"London!" cried Rachel. "Oh Luke, I should hate it of all things. Besides you must be a man strong in body as well as in soul to work a London parish satisfactorily. I should be very sorry to see you undertake such a work."

"I'm quite strong enough," said Luke. "The only things that try me are the petty quarrels and vexations of such a parish as this. I heard this morning that Went and Ethers have fallen out, and on a ridiculously small matter. I fancy everything would be larger and more important in London. It is just the petty matters that worry me."

"Human nature is the same everywhere. I expect you would find small souls in a London parish just as you do here."

"Would you very much object to London?" asked Luke. "Not that there is the slightest chance of me being offered a Church there. But it is the dream of my life. Fancy working in the very hub of the Universe. I should revel in it."

"The work would be enormous, unless you had several curates. And you know how difficult they are to find now-a-days."

"I shouldn't mind the work. The more the better, so long as it is not spoilt by bickerings and quarrellings. Should you very much dislike it?"

"Intensely. I don't feel in my present mood, as if I could endure it." Then seeing a look of disappointment on her husband's face, she added, "But where thou goest I will go, you know that."

"Yes, I have no doubt of that," he answered.

And his longing for London increased during the next few months. It was a time of great disappointment for him. When he had first come to Trowsby, he had had the warmest of welcomes, and the largest congregation in the place. His preaching was arresting and people congratulated themselves on having such a Vicar. He had come straight from France where he had been acting as Chaplain, and had there shown great bravery under fire. Many came to hear him just because of this. But when the rage for amusements began to show itself, and it was found that the Vicar had no sympathy with it, and had no new Gospel to preach, but preached the same Gospel as they had heard before the war, untouched with modernism and the various other new religious theories, the congregation that had increased out of curiosity gradually dwindled, for they said, "He's not up to date." It was disheartening for Luke, specially as he heard that a Church not very far off was crowded to overflowing on account of all the social questions that were discussed during the sermons, and well-known lecturers on the various religions came down from London, Sunday after Sunday, to preach.

"Nevertheless," he said one day to his wife, "I shall continue to preach the Gospel; and by-the-bye Rachel, I must somehow get three days of quiet at least, for some of the men's Bible Class want to discuss those questions which have been raised by the Modern Churchmen's Conference; and I must prepare for the discussion. But I really don't see how I can manage it. I am late as it is with the Parish Magazine."

Rachel was laying the table for dinner at the time and looked up quickly at her husband.

"Pass that over to me," she said.

Luke looked at her a little doubtfully.

"Do you think you can manage it?" he asked.

Rachel laughed.

"Certainly I could. I am a little more intelligent than you give me credit for. Have all the people sent in their accounts?"

"No, that's just it. Sargent has never sent in his description of the Temperance Meeting, nor has Mrs. Lent of the Scripture Union Meeting. They are so often late. It means a good long walk as there is no time to send them cards to remind them of their duty. The manuscript ought to go in early to-morrow morning to the printer or the magazine will not be out in time. I should be thankful to have at least two quiet uninterrupted days; but then there are sick people to visit. I don't see how I can."

"You can quite well if you will only trust me," said Rachel, smoothing the table cloth. "You have never tried me."

"I wonder what my mother would say."

"What does it matter? I don't belong to your mother I belong to you. You must take the responsibility of me," she added laughing.

And so it was settled and Luke had two whole days of quiet. He did not move out of his study except for meals, and then he hurried over them and ate them without speaking. Rachel, knowing what he was going through and in what dead earnest he was, in his longing to rid his men of the terrible doubts that had been sown in their hearts, kept silence. It might have been a quiet day arranged by the Bishop!

Luke had given her a long list of people to visit, and had told her what information was needed for the magazine, and Rachel set to work asking no further questions. She dispensed money where she thought it was needed (not always wisely alas!) and tended to the best of her knowledge the sick people, singing to many of them; and though it was work just after her own heart, being utterly unused to it having had no training whatever, it took a great deal out of her, particularly as she was of a sympathetic nature. But she felt it was well worth while when, after the two days were over, the strained tired look on Luke's face had disappeared giving way to one full of peace and happiness.

He had felt it his duty to face over again, all the arguments and difficulties that his people might come across; and he realised that he was at war with the Devil. The words of St. Paul often ran in his mind; "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Not even Rachel was conscious of the spiritual warfare that was raging in her husband's little study, nor how often he threw himself on his knees crying to God for help in the conflict, nor had Rachel the faintest suspicion of the victories that were gained within its walls.

She had often wished that her husband was not so preoccupied, and had more thought for the small things of life which make all the difference to its comfort. But though she felt that the things of which she complained in her heart were so insignificant compared to the great matters about which Luke was engaged, she had no idea that his preoccupation and absentness of mind were often caused by the fact that he had either lost or won a spiritual battle.

He was thankful now that he had spent so much time in facing the doubts and difficulties that he had met with in the course of his reading, so that the two quiet days enabled him to prepare the subject in such a way as to make the truth plain to his men.

On the night of the meeting Rachel found it rather hard to occupy her thoughts with anything but the great strain which she knew Luke was passing through. He was late home and to turn her mind from that which was making her anxious she sat down to the piano and sang.

She was just finishing her song when she heard the front door open. She sat still in her suspense, expecting Luke to come at once into the drawing-room. But instead, she heard him going upstairs to his study, and walking heavily as if he was tired.

For some moments she sat still where she was, then she followed him. But at the study door she stopped.

Was that Luke groaning? Was he ill?

She very softly opened the door and looked in.

Luke was on his knees, his arms on the writing table and his face buried in them. He was praying out loud.

Rachel closed the door and went downstairs again. Her heart was heavy, and anxious. She knew that his habit was to pray out loud; but his prayer to-night was mingled with groans and probably tears. What had happened? Rachel moved restlessly about the room. Her impulse was to go to the piano, and soothe her anxiety by playing. But she was afraid of disturbing Luke. Then she took up her work and sat waiting.

It was late before she heard him coming down the stairs.

His face bore no trace of the anguish he had apparently been going through. He came and sat down by Rachel's side without speaking.

"Well?" she said.

He was silent for a moment, then he said:

"I have never had such a fight with evil as to-night. I feel sure that the Devil is working with all his might to destroy any good that may have been done."

"What happened?"

"We have been discussing for nearly three hours the articles of our faith. The men had primed themselves with all the arguments they could lay hold of against them. The Divinity of our Lord, the Virgin Birth, the Resurrection; and the very men who I had hoped were on the eve of making the great decision have been thrown back."

"But there were surely some who were helped by your words?"

"Yes, thank God. There is a small band of faithful Christians as firm in their faith as I am. They know the Christ; and believing Him to be God take His Word as truth. But the greatest number have been shaken by these views that have been scattered broadcast since the Modern Churchmen's Conference at Cambridge, and there are some who are weak in the faith and just tottering, as it were." Luke rose up and began to walk about the room.

"I feel," he said, "that a stronger man than I am is wanted for this place. It seems to me to be the stronghold of Satan."

"When I am weak, then am I strong," said Rachel.

Luke stood and looked at Rachel for a moment. Then his face broke into a smile.

"Thank God for my wife," he said.