Chapter XXVI: Luke Tells Rachel About His Dream

"What is Luke doing all day in his study? That sedentary life is very bad for him and he ought to be visiting his people."

Rachel, who was trying on a little frock for Pat which she had been making, looked up amused.

"He has visited every one of his people a dozen times since he came here. In fact he was afraid of over visiting them."

"But then what is he doing all day? He is young and strong and ought to be at work," said Mrs. Greville, standing in front of Rachel as if she was in some way to blame. Her face was anxious and perplexed. She could scarcely understand work without movement, and rush.

"You may be quite sure he is not wasting his time," said Rachel; then hoping to distract her mother-in-law's thought she held up the baby to be admired.

"Doesn't he look sweet," she said. "He shall wear this little frock when we have the villagers to tea. He must look his best."

But once Mrs. Greville was on the war path nothing would move her.

"It isn't as if he had an intellectual congregation to preach to as he had at Trowsby," she said. "Of course then he had to study and fit himself for the work. But here they are only uneducated people. I am sure he cannot want all this time to prepare for them."

"But don't you know that a man like Luke must find it much more difficult to speak to such people? He has to make everything so plain and to choose the simplest subjects. I am quite sure he finds it much harder to prepare his sermons here than he did at Trowsby."

"I don't understand it at all," said Mrs. Greville, moving away to the window. "And why he should object to me going into his study, I can't imagine. He does not say in so many words that he prefers my absence to my presence, but I see it worries him. Of course I used to leave him quite alone at Trowsby, but then I knew every moment was precious. But here there ought to be plenty of time for a chat with his mother now and then."

"I must make the sleeves a little shorter," said Rachel. "Don't you think so?" She hoped that Mrs. Greville would feel interest in the baby's frock and would not continue the conversation which was getting embarrassing. But no. It was of no use trying to turn her thoughts.

"I think it's very sad to see a young man getting so idle and losing all interest in his people," she said. "It's quite different to what it was at Trowsby. Of course, he worked far too hard before his marriage and, indeed, after it, too," she added rather grudgingly. "But I would far rather he worked too much, than too little."

Rachel's colour rose. She felt indignant.

"But he is working very hard," she said. "He is studying; and you know the complaint is that the clergy don't study and so can't help their people in these difficult times. Visiting their parishioners is only part of the work after all."

"Well, all I can say is that things are very different to what they were. And I never remember a time in which he did not welcome his mother." Mrs. Greville did not recollect how carefully she kept watch over the dining-room, which then stood for his study, so that he should never be interrupted. "Of course," she added, "I don't suppose I can quite expect things to be exactly the same as they were before his marriage. I don't imagine he objects to you going into his study at any time."

Rachel, glancing at her mother-in-law, was aware of a certain pathetic eagerness displayed in the expression of her face as she waited for the answer. The slight indignation that Rachel was conscious of feeling passed away, and she was glad that she could assure Mrs. Greville that she never interrupted her husband unless it was absolutely necessary as she knew he would not like it.

"But," she said, "don't you think that he may have been sent here so as to give him time to study before some great and important post is offered him? That is what I love to think. I could not bear to believe that he would be here all his life. When I am stronger, I hope we shall go to some town where he can have a larger sphere of work. That is one of the things that reconciles me to this country living."

"Well," said Mrs. Greville, "I feel that he ought to be doing something, and not spending all those hours in his study."

"He is doing something."

But Mrs. Greville was only half convinced.

Rachel was feeling stronger so that the conversation with her mother-in-law did not trouble her as it might have done. It almost amused her.

That Luke could possibly be wasting his time in his study was so absurd an idea that it made her smile. She had sometimes wondered herself at the amount of writing he was engaged in doing; but she had not asked him about it, as one of his peculiarities was the fact that he did not care to be questioned about his work. That she would know in time she had not a doubt. That he was doing anything that she did not know about did not make her either curious or restless. Apparently it had that effect on her mother-in-law.

Rachel had noticed that since coming to live with them Mrs. Greville had shown a propensity for wishing to know exactly what everyone in the house was doing. She wandered from room to room just to see what was going on. The servants were not the only people who found it trying. Rachel felt it getting on her own nerves. She put it down to a restlessness arising from Mrs. Greville's illness, but this did not make it less trying. She could seldom enjoy little Pat for long by himself. Mrs. Greville, under the impression that she was helping, would come into the nursery while Rachel bathed the child, giving her various hints as to the best way of doing it. Or she would take up a great deal of her time giving out her theories on the bringing up of children, while Rachel was busy putting him to bed. It was just as much as Rachel could do in her present state of health to dress and undress the child, and at times she had to pass over what was to her such a happy duty to Polly, so that to be talked to, and to have to listen to various theories on the training of children, was tiring in the extreme. But she felt she must bear it without complaining as Mrs. Greville had so little in which to occupy her time, and if she was shown that her advice was not welcome she would grow melancholy.

But till to-day Rachel had had no idea that Luke had found it trying. His study door was open that evening when after putting Pat to sleep she went down stairs. At the sound of her footstep, he called her in, closing the door after her. He was looking a little worried and distressed.

"I'm afraid I have hurt my mother," he said, "but I find it so difficult to get on with my work while she is in the room. Three times this afternoon she has interrupted me at the most unfortunate moment. I try not to let her know it, but I can't make out what she wants. I fancy it's only a chat, and I can't chat about nothing in the middle of my work."

"She has not enough to do," said Rachel, "and feels dull I expect."

"That's unfortunate," said Luke, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry for her. But I had to tell her I was doing some important work to-day and that I was sorry to say I could not have a chat just then. I'm afraid I've hurt her. I think," he added, "that my mother has altered a little since her illness. She used to have such tact."

"It would help matters if you could tell her what the important business is," said Rachel, laughing.

"I don't much want to tell her," he said. "I'm afraid she would be constantly referring to it and I could not stand that. You see dear," he said looking down at his wife with shining eyes, "I believe I have found my work."

"Your work?" said Rachel mystified.

"I believe my prayers are being answered and that I am being shown why I have been sent here. Sit down. I want to tell you something." He drew a chair up to the window for her and sat down by her side.

"I never told you that just before we left Trowsby I had a dream. It was the most painful dream I have ever had and I can't think of it even now without a shudder. I'd rather not tell you what it was; but it was nothing more or less than a looking glass in which I saw myself for the first time, and I want you to know that I believe we left Trowsby for my sake as well as for yours."

Any great emotion was bad for Rachel, and when Luke turned and looked at her he was distressed to see how white she had become.

"Am I tiring you dearest?" he said, with concern.

"No. I'm only so very glad to hear what you say," she answered. "The thought that you had to leave your interesting work for me, has been such a burden on my mind."

"Well it need be a burden no longer. I believe it was for the sake of your bodily health that we came here but also for my soul. You see, I doubt if your soul wants the discipline that mine does. Anyhow, my spiritual life was not in a healthy condition; I needed to take a back seat, if you understand what I mean. I am not sure that my work was not becoming my god, and I was too much in the lime-light. Anyhow, now I can work for God and for Him alone. I think He has given the work that is best for me."

Rachel, in her weak state could not prevent the tears of sympathy from falling, but she brushed them away with her hand, and Luke did not see them.

"What is the work?" she asked.

"I'm writing a book for young men. When I was in Trowsby I often felt the need of one which faced the difficult problems of the day honestly and wisely. I am trying to contend earnestly for the faith. Of course it means the need of much prayer and study."

Rachel held out her hand and Luke grasped it in his own.

"You see how much better it is for me than preaching," he explained. "I don't mean to put my name to the book, and shall never know what it has done for people. God only will know that, so there will be no chance of conceit and pride getting the better of me in my work. I do not see how I can forget God in the work as I need Him every moment. I feel I am contending with the devil and he does not leave me alone. But no-one knows but God—and now," he added, "my wife."

Rachel had never loved her husband or admired him more than she did at that moment. She sat and looked at him with her heart in her eyes; but she did not speak.

"I meant to keep it a secret," he said, "till I could put the finished book into your hands. But now you know. I have sent the first few chapters to Sharnis and he is pleased with them and quite hopes to undertake its publication. But I don't want anyone to know about it. Now do you think you can help me about my mother? I don't feel as if I could be constantly asked questions about it. It's such a sacred thing to me that I cannot talk about it. Besides, as I'm not putting my name to the book, it is important that no-one should know that I'm writing it."

"She would be so pleased that she would find it difficult to keep the fact to herself."

"That's just it."

"What a pity though that she will never know," said Rachel.

"Perhaps sometime after its publication I may tell her, but not now. But can you manage to keep her from disturbing me without hurting her? A woman can generally do this kind of thing better than a man. I would not hurt my dear mother for the world if I could help it."

They neither of them heard the door open and then softly close again, and Luke never knew that his mother had turned away from his study murmuring:

"Luke was talking to Rachel about me! His mother! I never thought he would talk to anyone about his mother." The pain was almost too much to bear.