Chapter II (14)

Breaking Off.--If the two develop incompatibility, after being convinced it is irreconcilable the only thing to do is to sever the tie. This is often heart-breaking if caused by the infidelity of one party, and always humiliating, especially to the girl. To spare her as much as possible, the man assumes the breaking-off was her act. He never allows himself to speak of her save in terms of the most perfect respect. The presents, letters, pictures, are returned, and Cupid retires discomfited. The girl's mother writes to her friends and tells them the engagement is broken; no reason is given and no person of tact or knowledge of social forms will inquire why or ever allude to the matter to either of the parties to the engagement or their parents.

"Being engaged" does not relax etiquette. It does not justify a journey or an excursion together, nor appearance in public places unchaperoned. Lovers refrain from caresses or evidence of their devotion in the presence of others; in short they should conduct themselves with decorum.

The Wedding Trousseau.--In case everything goes well when the wedding day is set it is the custom to announce the engagement in the society columns in the newspapers. The trousseau is nearly ready, the linen chest is filled, the details of the wedding settled. It is not customary now for the expectant bride to have dozens and dozens of undergarments, to be laid aside, turn yellow and go out of style. One dozen of each garment is an ample supply for the average bride; even half a dozen new garments of each kind have been known to answer every purpose. She should have a moderate supply of shoes, corsets, gloves, petticoats, both silk and cambric, and handkerchiefs. Fashions change so rapidly now that it is foolish to lay in a great stock of gowns. The supply of these must be in accordance with her social position and its requirements. After she is married, she will find her table-cloths and napkins, sheets, and pillow slips and towels a much greater source of satisfaction than a lot of passe gowns and wraps. Her silver and linen are marked with the initials of her maiden name. These initials are always embroidered on the latter.

The supply of table and bed-linen will depend upon the size of her house and the style in which she lives. Six sheets and six pillow and bolster slips are allowed to each bed, and twelve towels, half of them bath towels, to each bedroom. She should have dinner and lunch cloths, with napkins to match; it is usual to allow a dozen napkins to each cloth. It is good economy to purchase all these in a good quality. The dinner cloths and napkins should be of double damask, so called. The very large dinner napkins--seven-eighths of a yard square--are less in favor than the medium, three-quarter size. A fairly ample supply of comforts, down and silk quilts, and blankets, is often acquired by purchase before marriage.

[732 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

WEDDING FESTIVITIES.

Very soon after the wedding invitations are out, the bride's friends bestir themselves and a number of entertainments are planned in her honor. These are dinners, luncheons, teas, and theatre parties, the latter often prefaced by a dinner at the house of the hostess. Often these include the bridal party--bridesmaids and "best man." To dinners and theatre parties the bridegroom-to-be is invited; luncheons and teas are given by the bride's friends to her. The bridegroom's bachelor friends frequently give a dinner for him--a farewell to the man so soon to rank as "Benedict, the married man."

These functions in honor of the bride are exclusive, rather than general, invitations being restricted to familiar friends. The bride's relatives are the entertainers. At such functions the bride expectant may wear one of the gowns of her trousseau. Because of these entertainments, which are really quite a tax on the girl's strength and vitality, the trousseau should be complete and the wedding preparations well under way before they begin. Most of them seem to be crowded into the week or ten days preceding the ceremony.

Engagement "Showers."--"The shower"--an entertainment that is somewhat on the order of an informal tea at which each guest brings some gift to the bride--has been called "provincial." It has a recognized place in middle class society, at least, and may be made an enjoyable function. No two "showers" are alike, hostesses vieing with each other in the endeavor to present something original and attractive. The linen shower is one of the most popular, each guest bringing some contribution to the bride's linen chest. These are the more valued if the handiwork of the giver, and some girls always have a bit of work in progress which may, when finished, be their offering at a linen shower.

Only intimate friends are asked to a linen shower and the occasion is entirely informal. The invitations may be couched in this form:

My Dear Miss Ames--
I am giving a linen shower for our mutual friend, Miss Gray, who is to
be married next month, and would be very glad to have you with us. I am
asking a few friends for luncheon on Thursday, January sixth, at one
o'clock, and hope you will be able to come. As the "shower" is to be a
surprise to Miss Gray, please do not mention it should you see her.
Very cordially,
Helen Brown.

The invitation should be promptly answered. Usually, the nature of the entertainment is not known to the guest of honor until she arrives; sometimes not until she is seated at the table.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 733]

How Presented.--The more unique the method of presentation the more amusing the surprise of the guest. The gifts are to be neatly wrapped up in white tissue paper, tied with ribbons, the card of the giver being enclosed. Often some sentiment is written on the card, or an original rhyme; this the recipient reads aloud when the gift is unwrapped.

At one long remembered shower, the centerpiece was a white linen parasol, beautifully embroidered and the gift of the hostess. This, open, was fastened upright, the block of wood which held it being hidden under asparagus plumosus interspersed with pink roses. Under this were arranged the several packages. Between each course the guest of honor was requested to draw and open a parcel, the remainder being opened before leaving the table. At another luncheon the gifts were brought in by a boy dressed as a messenger, one at a time, as if just delivered. The surprise of the guest at the first delivery greatly amused her friends. One guest contributed a handsome lunch cloth, another the napkins to match, each marked with embroidered initials. An embroidered white linen handbag, for use with a white gown, was enclosed in a box about a foot square; within this was another, neatly wrapped and tied, which, opened, contained another and still another, keeping expectancy at its height. The "Jack Horner pie" has been used, and the "showered" girl has been handed a white satin ribbon and been bidden to follow where it led her, discovering at the end the pile of presents.

Gifts for a linen shower may include towels of all kinds, the monogrammed damask and initialed guest towels, embroidered linen pillow slips; centerpieces, doilies, bureau scarfs and many other textile gifts suggest themselves. The "kitchen shower" suggests the useful; the handkerchief shower is dainty.

Refreshments.--The refreshments at such an entertainment may be as simple as one likes, unless the invitations are for a luncheon; in that case they should be more elaborate. Chocolate and sandwiches with cake and ices; sandwiches, cake and coffee, are allowable. The guests are seated at a table, which should be decorated with pink and white flowers. Pink carnations are beautiful for this use. The guest of honor is seated at the hostess's right hand and is served first. She must thank those who have presented the gifts individually, and express to her hostess her pleasure in the entertainment and her gratitude for the trouble she has taken for her.

WEDDING PREPARATIONS.

The Expense of a Wedding.--It may be said at the outset that no wedding should be more costly than the financial standing of the bride's family warrants. If the bridegroom's family is wealthy, and that of the bride in very moderate circumstances, there will be many to intimate that the bridegroom "put up for it." The intimation is a sneer, because the bride's family should pay all the expenses of a wedding. If the expense is manifestly beyond the resources of the bride's father, society lifts its eyebrows.

[734 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Of course her wedding is the one pageant in which the girl is the central figure--the admired of all beholders. It is quite natural for her to wish it to be beautiful, to look lovely herself, and not to go empty-handed to her husband. But no sensible girl will have a grand wedding if its cost will put her father in debt. If Mary's music lessons must be intermitted, or John's entrance into college postponed because of her trousseau and her wedding, she should assume some of the sacrifice herself and be content with a more modest outfit and a simple ceremony. Thousands of thoughtless girls leave their families to recover slowly from the financial strain of their wedding. It is selfish and inconsiderate for a girl to say, "You will never have to do it again for me," or "I shall be no further expense to you." That may be true, but it is no justification.

Nor is it permissible for the bridegroom to furnish any part of the bride's trousseau. If she is poor, and is to marry into wealth, good taste and public opinion counsel her to confine her wedding preparations to what she or her family can pay for. Let her make ready a simple wedding dress and going-away gown, or be married in the latter, and take with her to her new home only her under linen and the treasured keepsakes of her maiden days. As soon as she is wife, her husband may lavish silks and laces and furs upon her, but not before.

The Bride's Privileges.--It is the province of the bride to name the wedding day, subject of course to the insistence of her fiance, who will urge an early date. She decides whether her wedding shall be formal or informal, at church or at home. She chooses the clergyman who shall perform the ceremony, the bridegroom notifying him of her desire. Her family issues--and pays for--the wedding invitations and announcement cards. It is customary to ask the bridegroom to make out a list of those of his relatives and friends to whom he wishes these sent. The bride names her attendants, decides upon their number and if a bridal procession is contemplated, consults with them as to their gowns and the accessories. Here she is in duty bound to consider the expense to be incurred by those invited to take part in the affair, unless she is prepared to pay for their gowns herself; this however is seldom done. If she desires her attendants to wear some particular adornment which will be of no use to them afterwards, as a fancy muff or boa, she should pay for it herself. She may endeavor to arrange with her dressmaker to make their gowns if she can obtain a reduction on account of their being made alike, or the large order placed. To be invited to serve as bridesmaid is often an expensive compliment, as it usually involves a new gown and hat, the latter always being worn at a church wedding.

If the bride decides to have but one attendant, the latter is usually styled her maid-of-honor, and may be her sister or her most intimate friend. If she has more than one maid she should include the bridegroom's sister, if he has one. If a matron-of-honor is to participate, she should be a friend or sister of the bride who has been recently wedded. The bridesmaids are chosen from her unmarried friends.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 735]

Who Pays?--The question is often asked, "Who pays, for" this, that or the other item.

The bridegroom provides the marriage certificate, the wedding ring, pays the clergyman, and for the carriage in which he drives away with the bride. He sends a gift and the bouquet to the bride; usually gives gifts of jewelry to the bridesmaids and the best man, and often includes the ushers.

The bride's family pays for the wedding cards, pays the florist and the caterer, the expense of opening the church and the service of the sexton; the music, carriages for the bridal party, in short, the bills are for the family to pay. Where a wedding is very elaborate, the details are sometimes turned over to a "manager," who sees to everything, and receives a fat fee for his services.

The Wedding Gown.--Choice of a wedding gown depends upon the style of the wedding. At a church wedding it is as handsome as the bride can afford. Any girl is excusable for wishing her wedding to be "an occasion," and her bridal attire as beautiful as possible. White is suitable, and there are so many fabrics in that color that all purses can be accommodated. The gown may be of satin, crepe de chine, messaline, lace or chiffon, or of simple white organdie; all are appropriate for a church wedding. With any of these a veil should be worn. Two and a half yards of tulle will be sufficient; other accessories are white kid gloves, white slippers and white silk hose, if white is worn. White is suitable for the most elaborate church wedding and for the simplest ceremony at home. The gown is made en train, as a rule; always so for a church wedding, and always with high neck and long sleeves.

A bride may elect to be married in a traveling dress. For this some pretty light color, as light gray, champagne, tan or biscuit color is chosen. A hat must be worn with such a costume, and for a young bride is by preference trimmed with flowers. It is correct to carry flowers--not a shower bouquet, however--with such a gown, which is to be changed for a plainer one for actual travel. For this dark blue, brown, or gray are suitable colors; gloves match, and the hat is inconspicuously trimmed. It is the bride's greatest desire not to look "just married."

Later Wear of the Wedding Gown.--The wedding gown is worn at the more formal of the post-nuptial entertainments. The trousseau should include an evening dress and wrap. For the former, black lace, chiffon cloth or net will prove the most serviceable, and almost universally becoming. A traveling gown, a handsome suit for visiting, receptions, etc., a pretty gown for receiving at home, and several house gowns will be needed. Kimonas, bath-robes, dressing-jackets, are included in the less ornamental parts of the trousseau.

A girl often invites her intimate friends to inspect her wedding finery, rejoicing in their admiration. The privilege of such a view is highly valued.

[736 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Bridal Flowers.--Orange flowers are reserved for the bride, and she never wears any other in her hair, at least no other that are artificial. She may carry any flowers, she prefers; the florists make all seasons alike. Often an order is given months in advance for the bride's favorite flower to grace her wedding, and the florist forces it to bloom at the appointed time. White roses and carnations can be had at almost any season; sweet peas, white lilacs, lilies of the valley, are less easy to procure. The "shower bouquet" has many narrow white satin ribbons falling from it to the foot of the skirt, and knotted at intervals round flower sprays.

The rarest of bridal flowers are the orchids, so costly that only the rich may have them, though a few orchids, two or three, are sometimes put with lilies of the valley, or Roman hyacinths, intermixed with stephanotis or stevia, for the bridal bouquet. Bridesmaids may carry large clusters of flowers tied with ribbons, the flowers suiting their costumes. Or, if they all wear white, American Beauties may be chosen. The usual preference is for flowers in more delicate hues.

The Widow's Bridal Attire.--A widow does not wear white at her second wedding, nor a veil, nor does she have bridesmaids. Her usual choice is to be married in a handsome traveling gown of some light color, wearing hat and gloves to match. The material may be silk or broadcloth for a church wedding. She wears her wedding ring up to the day of her second marriage. Though she may have no bridesmaids she may have a matron-of-honor, some married friend, who wears a street or reception dress, with suitable hat and gloves.

A woman who has entered her fourth decade does not, as a rule, wear white when married.

It is no longer customary for a woman to go into semi-retirement preceding her marriage. She does not parade herself; no lady would do that, but she accepts invitations and appears at all the fetes planned for her up to the wedding day. As a result, she is often very tired and fagged before the event.

The Man's Wedding Garments.--One of the most frequent inquiries made of the editors of women's departments in magazines relates to the proper attire for the bridegroom. "When is it correct to wear a dress suit?" and "What should the bridegroom wear at a day wedding?"

"The dress suit," so called, is the man's evening clothes. Naturally, then, he will not don his evening attire until evening--after or for a six o'clock dinner,' This should dispose of the question of "the dress suit." For a man to wear evening clothes at a noon wedding would be as absurd as for a woman to appear in a ball dress at that hour.

For a day wedding a man wears a black frock coat and gray trousers; his waistcoat may match the coat or be of white duck or marseilles, white shirt with standing collar, and tie of the fashionable cut in pearl gray or soft white silk. Pearl-colored kid gloves are worn, and a silk hat. The overcoat is black. A boutonniere of white flowers is usually worn.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 737]

The above is the correct dress for best man and ushers at a day wedding, in church or at home.

For a formal evening wedding, full evening dress is worn by bridegroom, best man and ushers. The suit is of fine black worsted, silk faced as to the coat. The waistcoat may be of the same material, or white duck or marseilles may be worn. A fine white linen shirt with standing collar, and pearl or white enamel studs, white lawn tie, white or pearl-gray kid gloves stitched in the same color, and patent leather pumps complete the attire. A black overcoat, single breasted, and silk hat are the additions for out-of-door wear.

The Bride's Mother.--The bride's mother wears a handsome reception dress. Black with much jet and lace, pearl gray, mauve and lavender are favorite colors for her. White gloves are worn. Mourning attire should never be seen at a wedding. If the bride's mother, or any of the family, are in mourning, it must be laid aside for the occasion. Black may be worn, but it must be lightened with white lace, jet, or other accessories that will take it out of the conventional garb of grief. Guests of course gown themselves handsomely.

THE FORMAL CHURCH WEDDING.

Let us suppose that the church has been decorated with flower and palms, arranged by experienced hands to form a background for the bridal party. The seats for the respective families have been roped off with wide white satin ribbons; those on the right for the bridegroom's family, those of the left for the bride's. The bridegroom and the best man are with the clergyman in the vestry; the bridesmaids have assembled at the bride's house, and have entered their carriages; the relatives, including the bride's mother, and guests are in their seats. The carriages containing the bridesmaids precede that of the bride to the church; they alight and await her in the vestibule. The bride, accompanied by her father, arrives. The bridal procession is quickly formed, the vestibule doors having been closed by the ushers on the arrival of the wedding party. At the signal the organ breaks into the familiar strains of the wedding march; the clergyman, followed by the groom and best man, enter from the vestry, and stand on the chancel step facing the guests, awaiting the bride, the bridegroom being slightly, in advance.

The ushers, walking two and two, lead the way up the aisle; the bridesmaids follow at a distance of ten or twelve feet, also walking in pairs; then comes the maid-of-honor, walking alone. She is followed by the bride, leaning on the arm of her father or nearest male relative. At the chancel the ushers separate to right and left, remaining below the chancel step; the bridesmaids separate in the same manner, but ascend the chancel step. The maid-of-honor places herself at the left of the place left for the bride, in readiness to hold her bouquet and remove her glove. The bridegroom descends the chancel step, meeting the bride. The two place themselves before the clergyman, the bride standing on the bridegroom's left; the best man stands at the right of the bridegroom a step or two in the rear.

[738 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The Bride's Father.--The place of the bride's father is at the left somewhat in the rear. As the clergyman asks: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" he steps forward and places the bride's right hand in that of the clergyman, who in turn places it in that of the bridegroom. The father steps aside, and as the bridal procession forms to retire after the ceremony, he joins his wife and escorts her from the church.

At the proper moment the maid-of-honor removes the bride's glove and takes her bouquet. The best man gives the ring to the bride, who passes it to the clergyman; the latter gives it to the bridegroom, who places it on the bride's finger, holding it there while repeating the formula, "With this ring I thee wed," etc. The significance of this transfer is the forming of a circle, to indicate the endlessness of the contract.

Another Form.--A form sometimes introduced is for the bridal party to stand below the chancel while the clergyman reads the service up to and including the sentence, "If any man can show just cause," etc. After the customary moment's pause, there being no unseemly interruption, the party ascends the chancel step and the ceremony proceeds.

The order of the procession after the ceremony is this: The just married pair lead the way, the wife taking her husband's arm; the maid-of-honor follows; then the bridesmaids, after them the ushers. Such is the conduct of a church wedding, a thousand times repeated. The ceremony is often rehearsed a night or two previous to the event, to make sure each will be familiar with his or her part.

The Best Man's Duties.--The best man has charge of the ring. At the conclusion of the ceremony he disappears into the vestry, where he places the wedding fee, enclosed in an envelope, in the clergyman's hands. He then hastens to his carriage and is driven to the house, where he assists in the reception of the guests, and takes the maid-of-honor or the bridesmaid to luncheon. Or he may escort the maid-of-honor from the church.

The best man also sees to it that the agitated bridegroom's clothes are in order, packs his suitcase, orders the baggage to be called for, buys the tickets for the wedding journey and sees that they are in the bridegroom's possession, and orders the carriage in which the newly wedded pair drive to the station. He takes as many of the details of the affair as possible off his friend's mind and hands, and stands by manfully to the last. The best man should fully acquaint himself with the duties of his position before assuming it The sexton of the church takes the groom's hat from the vestry to the vestibule, and hands it to him at the door.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 739]

Duties of Ushers.--An usher escorts each lady to her seat, giving her his arm. The guests should stand during the ceremony, rising as the procession enters, and remaining in their seats until it has retired. The ushers often pass ribbons along their seats, not removing them until the bridal party and the relatives have left the church. Having seen the bridal party to their carriages, the ushers return to escort the relatives to theirs, and then hasten to the house, where they meet the guests on arrival and escort them, severally, to the receiving party. The bride's mother welcomes them first; they are then presented to the newly married pair. The bride offers her hand; the guest wishes her much happiness, congratulates the bridegroom, shaking hands the while, greets the maid-of-honor and the bridesmaids with a smile and bow, and passes on, making way for the next.

The Wedding Reception.--The wedding reception follows the ceremony, guests coming at once from church to the house. There should be no undue haste in presenting one's self; the party requires a little time to arrange itself in proper order for receiving. At a day wedding reception women lay aside wraps, retaining their hats. At an evening reception they remove both, and wear full dress.

After greeting the bride and groom, as indicated in the preceding paragraph, the refreshment room is sought. If the reception is a large one, a buffet or "stand-up" repast is often served, though it is more desirable to provide small tables seating four people. If these are not furnished the men may assist the ladies, though the service should be adequate. No tea, coffee, or chocolate is poured at the table.

Refreshments.--The refreshments may be simple or elaborate. The table is laid in the dining-room, and decorated with flowers. On it are the refreshments, and plenty of napkins, plates and silver, in piles. Bouillon, creamed oysters or oyster patties; salads, cold salmon or lobster with mayonnaise dressing, ices and cake are suitable. Usually one hot dish is passed. Or one may serve a salad, ice cream and cake, with punch. If wine is offered it is always champagne.

The wedding cake, neatly packed in white boxes bearing the monogram of the bride and groom and tied with white satin ribbon, is arranged on a table in the hall, and each departing guest takes a box. Wedding cake is no longer sent.

Going Away.--When the last guest has been greeted, the bridal party may be served with refreshments. Their supper is laid in a private room, and they are seated, a most welcome rest after the fatigue of the ceremony and the reception. The bride then retires to change to her traveling dress; the bridegroom, who has had his valise sent to the house in the morning, retires for the same purpose. The maid-of-honor accompanies the bride; the best man assists the groom, and packs his suit worn during the ceremony, either to be taken with him or to be sent to his home.

[740 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

At the time agreed upon the bridegroom awaits the bride at the head of the stairs. Adieus to the family are said in the bride's room and should be brief. The bridesmaids and ushers are awaiting the departure in the hall. Half way down the stairs the bride throws her bouquet. The bridesmaid who catches it will be married next, according to the old superstition. The bride and groom enter their carriage amid a shower of rice or confetti, the carriage door bangs; the caterer has removed the debris of the feast; the maids have restored the house to its wonted order and the wedding is over--all except paying the bills.

Guests at a wedding do not remain until the departure of the bride. They congratulate, partake of refreshments, chat a few minutes with friends, and depart.

At a church wedding it is customary--and usually necessary to keep out the uninvited--to enclose small cards which are presented at the church door to ensure admittance. If the reception is large, the same thing is sometimes done as a measure of protection.

Calls after Wedding.--It is expected that the guests at a wedding breakfast or reception will call on the mother of the bride within three weeks after the marriage, and upon the bride on one of her "At Home" days, or soon after her return from the wedding journey, if no days are specified.

Cards bearing the date of the bride's "At Home" days, or "At Home after"--a certain date, are enclosed with the announcement cards, or the date named on the card. If sent they must be ready to mail immediately after the wedding.

THE HOME WEDDING.

While the home wedding is modeled in its essentials along the lines of the church wedding, much less formality is observed. The invitations to the church wedding are always in the third person and engraved. Those for the home wedding, though often following the same formula, may be informal notes in the first person, written by the bride's mother.

Correct Attire.--It is sometimes supposed that a bride married at home may not wear a veil nor be "given away." On the contrary, if she wears white she may with perfect propriety wear a veil, and the Episcopal marriage ceremony always, and nearly all other forms of the service include the giving away, as implying parental sanction and consent. The "giving away," then, is customary, even at the simplest home wedding.

If the bride wears a traveling dress she has a maid-of-honor, the one attendant being so-called. The groom is attended by his best man. There are usually two ushers, though these may be omitted, The maid-of-honor wears some pretty costume which is in keeping with that of the bride. If the latter wears white, the attendant also wears white with colored trimmings. If the bride wears a veil, the maid wears a hat; the veil being the head covering of the bride.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 741]

The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat and tie, silk--not lawn, gray or white gloves, and patent leather shoes at a day wedding, The ushers are similarly attired, save that they may wear black waistcoats. Silk hats are worn.

Minor Particulars.--The bridegroom and best man will require a room. The clergyman expects a room where he may don his surplice or gown. The ushers may also require a room.

The bride's mother receives the guests, her father remaining with his daughter to conduct her to the room where the ceremony is to be performed. A mother may perform this office if the father is not living. After placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman, the father steps back a pace or two, awaiting the end of the service. Wedding music is played when the party is ready to enter, and may be continued, very softly, through the ceremony; it must not overpower the voices of the participants.

Guests should arrive at the hour named, leave wraps in hall or dressing room, and descend to the parlors. It is not expected that all will be seated, though a few chairs are provided for the elderly. The ushers stretch two lengths of white ribbon from end to end of the room, making an aisle for the little procession.

The clergyman, groom, and best man enter and take their places at one end of the room, when the music begins. Then come the ushers, next the maid-of-honor, walking alone; then the bridesmaids, if any, followed by the bride on the arm of her father. The groom steps forward to receive her and the two face the clergyman. The best man stands on the bridegroom's right. The maid-of-honor will hold the bride's bouquet and her glove, if this is removed; the ring is in the custody of the best man.

Etiquette to be Observed.--At the close of the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the pair and steps aside. They face about and the bride's mother is the next to offer her good wishes, then the groom's parents. The guests then extend felicitations. It is thought in better taste to wish the bride happiness and congratulate the groom, it being supposed that he is the most fortunate in having been able to secure such a prize.

It is no longer customary for everyone to kiss the bride; she is not compelled to suffer to that extent.

The best man assists the ushers--whose first duty is to remove the white ribbons--in escorting guests to the bride and groom. His duties are the same as those of the best man at a church wedding.

The maid-of-honor stands at the bride's left as she receives.

The bride and bridegroom lead the way to the dining room, the best man offering his arm to the maid-of-honor.

The bride's father escorts the bridegroom's mother, the guests follow in such order as is convenient, and the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father are the last.

[742 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

If only twenty-five or thirty guests are present the wedding breakfast is preferably served at small tables. The clergyman and his wife, who should always be invited, are seated at the bride's table. So also the maid-of-honor, the best man, the ushers, and the parents of the pair, with sisters and brothers if convenient. Or, the bride's table may be reserved strictly for the bridal party.

The bride may cut her own cake if she chooses, or the wedding cake may be dispensed in boxes as at the reception following a church wedding.

The departure of the newly wedded pair is on the order already indicated.

After the Wedding.--It may be said here that the "horse play"--for it is nothing else--sometimes indulged in as "an after clap" to a wedding, in which practical jokes are played on the pair, is not only unkind and ill-bred, but in most execrable taste. To placard the luggage "Just married;" to tie white ribbons on it and the carriage in which they are driven away; to substitute a suitcase packed with the things a man doesn't want on his journey for one containing what he does, is not at all "smart."

Why should some coarse, ill-bred persons, whether they have or have not been favored with invitations, strive to embarrass and make uncomfortable those to whom the situation is already sufficiently trying? Why, after so much pains and expense have been employed to make the occasion beautiful and impressive, should the "practical joker" take it upon himself to spoil it all by an ill-timed "pleasantry" which is the acme of rudeness and discourtesy? It is a curious character that can enjoy perpetrating what are really outrages upon other people's sensibilities.

Wedding Gifts.--Very soon after the wedding invitations are out the presents begin to pour in. The fashion of gift giving on such an occasion is not as prevalent as at one time; it was overdone, carried beyond the limits of good taste, and of course a reaction was inevitable. Some men profess to share the feeling of the Scandinavian immigrant who was so deeply affronted at the offerings made by his bride's friends--as if he were not able to furnish his home with the necessary articles--that in his Berserker rage he was with difficulty restrained from casting gifts and donors together into the street.

Generally speaking, only relatives and intimate friends send gifts, though there is no interdict as regards others who may wish to testify to their interest in the bride in this way. An ostentatious gift from a person not in the family is in bad taste. The words "No presents" on wedding invitations are in the worst possible form.

An invitation to a church wedding and not to the reception precludes the necessity of making a gift; indeed, it would be thought rather "pushing" to send one.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 743]

What to Give.--The flat silver is generally given by the bride's family. In order to avoid duplicates, it is best for the friends and relatives to consult together in regard to their gifts. It is not thought good form to offer articles of wearing apparel. Anything the bride's immediate family has to offer in this line is best included in the trousseau. Cut glass, silver, bric-a-brac, napery, books, pictures, fans, rugs, clocks, handsome chairs and tables, are things that may be chosen with propriety.

The question of the correct form of marking silver and napery often comes up. The rule is to have it engraved with the initials of the bride's maiden name--not the single initial of her family name, as is sometimes ignorantly done--because it is her own private property. If a wife dies, the silver bearing her name is packed away for the future use of her child, especially if it is a girl. The second wife would be forbidden by good taste and convention, from using the first wife's silver.

Acknowledgments.--Wedding gifts are usually packed where they are bought, and sent direct from the shops. The card of the donor is enclosed, within a tiny envelope. It is a rule that the wedding gift must be acknowledged immediately, before the marriage, and by a personal note from the bride. This is not always possible, but the note should be written at the earliest moment the bride's engagements will permit. Such notes are always in the first person, and should be pleasant and cordial. The writer must be careful to render thanks for the article sent. Amusing mistakes sometimes happen; thus a lady who had sent a pair of handsome candlesticks was mystified by expressions of gratitude for a silver berry spoon she had not sent.

A cordial form of acknowledging a gift is this:

12 Canton Avenue.
My Dear Mrs. Bruce:
The beautiful cut glass vase sent by you and Mr. Bruce has just
arrived, and I hasten to thank you most sincerely for your kind
thought of me. It will be a constant reminder of your goodness to Mr.
Waters and myself, and a most lovely ornament to our new home.
Gratefully yours,
Marion Moore.
July tenth, nineteen hundred and nine.

The wedding gifts may or may not be displayed, according to the personal preference of the bride. They are commonly shown to intimate friends. A room is given up to their display. Cards are to be removed.

[744 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Wedding Decorations.--At a church wedding it is customary, and wisest, to put the matter of decorating the church and house into the hands of a florist, who can furnish the palms and others plants required for the chancel, and carry out any color scheme desired. He has the paraphernalia requisite to effective disposition of flowers. Usually large clusters of foliage and flowers, ribbon tied, are attached to the pews reserved for the relatives; often they are arranged the entire length of the aisle, The mantels in the house are banked with flowers, southern smilax is used in profusion, and flowers are arranged upon the tables at which the supper is served.

At a church wedding in the country the bride's friends must come to the rescue, and their gardens be robbed to beautify church and home. Flowers may be sought in the fields. Large jars of daisies, wild ferns, tall grasses, autumn tinted boughs, or in the blooming season, boughs of fruit trees, can be used most effectively. At one pretty home wedding the decorations were boughs of the wild crab-apple in bloom, pink and pretty, and kept so by having the stems inserted in bottles of water, suspended by wires and concealed by other foliage. A large screen sometimes forms a background for the bridal party. If covered with wire netting flowers can be very easily attached.

Walls are not festooned; "wedding bells" and canopies are out of date. The most approved setting is tall palms, ferns on standards concealed by a lower grouping, with a few potted plants in bloom to relieve the sombreness of the green. Large flowers like lilies, hydrangeas, chrysanthemums and peonies are most effective. Tulips are often employed at a spring wedding. One little country girl made good use of ordinary field clover in decorating her home for her marriage.

After a wedding, the flowers are often sent to the hospitals, or to those who are known to be ill, at the request of the bride.

THE SIMPLEST OF WEDDINGS.

Now, although we have told how the church wedding and the ordinary home wedding are conducted, it does not follow that one may not have a much simpler and yet a pretty wedding, with less "pomp and circumstance" and consequent expense.

Wherever a girl has a home, she should be married from it. This is her due, as "daughter of the house."

She may make the simplest possible preparations; may be married in her best dress, not new for the occasion. She may omit all attendants, and invite less than half a dozen of her friends; she may receive them herself and at the appointed hour simply stand up and be married to a blushing young man in a business suit, and afterwards cut her own cake, and then proceed to her new home, which may be a little flat or a cottage. But she should have the ceremony performed by a clergyman in her father's house.

If she has no parents, no home, merely a room in a boarding house, she and her affianced may go to a clergyman's house and be married there. The church and the law should sanction the rite; therefore she will not permit herself to be married by a magistrate or a justice of the peace.

As for "sneaking off" and being married without the knowledge of one's parents, this is both disrespectful and unkind--a poor return for their care of her.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 745]

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.

The fashion of celebrating a succession of wedding anniversaries has passed its high tide and is on the wane. Nevertheless, the custom is not out, by any means. The tenth, twenty-fifth and fiftieth anniversaries, known as the tin, silver, and golden, are those most frequently observed.

The first anniversary of the wedding day gives occasion for a paper wedding; the second is cotton; the third leather. The fourth is omitted; the fifth is the wooden wedding; next to be observed is the tin, celebrating the close of the first decade. The next skip is to the china, when twenty years have elapsed; and the quarter century of wedded happiness is recognized in the silver wedding.

The wooden and tin weddings are occasions of great hilarity, and mean a general frolic. The former began years ago with the gift of a rolling-pin and a step-ladder. The gifts are of those practical, useful articles that replenish the kitchen, though handsome gifts are of course easily selected. Carved wooden boxes, handsome picture frames, articles of furniture, are at the service of those who choose to pay their price.

Invitations to a wooden wedding are sometimes written or printed on birch bark or thin strips of wood, or are engraved on cards which imitate wood in appearance. The refreshments have been served on wooden plates procured from the grocer. So far as possible the wooden idea is carried out.

Tin Weddings.--Gifts for the tin wedding are of course in that material, and there is a wide range of choice. The tinsmith is often called upon to manufacture fantastic articles, anything to raise a laugh. Thus one couple were adorned, the wife with a set of tin curls, the man with a tin hat. A tin purse enclosing a check for "tin" was once presented to a tin bride on the occasion of her tin wedding. The freakish fancy of one's friends is generally much in evidence at a tin wedding. As at the wooden wedding, the bride cuts a wedding cake decorated with a monogram formed of the initials of her own and her husband's name, and the year of the wedding and of its anniversary. Refreshments may be served from tin dishes, and the guests provided with tin plates.

[746 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The Silver Wedding.--Cards for a silver wedding are printed in silver, or in black on silvered cards--the former being in better taste. The form--which may be used for all with the variation of but one word--that designating the nature of the anniversary, is as follows:

1885 Mr. and Mrs. Smith 1910
request the pleasure of your company on
Thursday, February the twenty-fourth,
at eight o'clock.
Silver Wedding.
George Smith Anna Hall

As the couple who celebrate are generally in the prime of life, and their friends of about the same age, a silver wedding is usually a very enjoyable function. The many beautiful articles now made in silver afford a wide range of choice in the way of gifts, both valuable and in those inexpensive trifles that please everybody because so artistic. Silverware is marked with the initials of the married pair, often enclosed in a true lover's knot. Toilet articles, pomade jars, silver jewelry, spoons, silver parasol and umbrella handles, picture frames in silver, rings and bracelets, besides the manifold pieces for table use, offer a wide individual range in choice and price.

The supper at a silver wedding is quite elaborate. The bride that was cuts a wedding cake in which a silver piece is baked; the person who gets it being expected to live to celebrate his or her silver wedding. Speeches are made, often an original poem read, and not infrequently the health of the pair pledged in a glass of wine.

Golden Weddings--Occasions for the celebration of fifty years of union are much rarer than any other. Nor are they wholly joyful. The aged couple are looking from "life's west windows" at a fast declining sun. A few short years and it must set for them. The festivities are usually planned and carried out by their descendants, who so far as possible summon to the celebration the friends of "Auld lang syne," the clergyman who performed the ceremony and any of the bridal party yet alive, and the dearest friends of the present. Invitations in the conventional form are printed in gold letters; often a monogram formed of intertwined initials is placed between and a little above the years at the top of the invitation. The wedding cake has a yellow frosting, or if in white, the monogram and the years--1860-1910--are in yellow to represent gold.

Gifts in this precious metal are naturally circumscribed, but a gold coin is apropos, particularly if Fortune has been chary of her favors. In the seventh and eighth decade people have small use for bijouterie.

A golden wedding must be a sad anniversary to the participants. When they were wedded, they were looking forward, joyously; now they recall the past, its losses and trials and misfortunes. They remember the children who are dead, or far away; or the prosperity once theirs, but now fled. Few old folks would care to celebrate their golden wedding; it is usually some well-meaning grandchild who sees in it "an occasion." Often, too, the excitement, the fatigue, the unusual strain on mind and body, result in illness which sometimes proves fatal.

The Courtesies of the Occasion.--There is no formal etiquette for any of these anniversaries. Friends, as they arrive, are greeted by members of the family; then, in the case of the elderly celebrants, are conducted to them as they sit side by side, and presented. Failing eyesight and dulled ears demand this. The congratulations are offered, and good wishes for the future. If any speeches are made, they should be brief, that neither the old couple or their guests be over-fatigued. The stay should be brief.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 747]

Gifts.--Gifts for the anniversary wedding are sometimes sent the day previous, sometimes carried in person. Anything fantastic is generally presented at the gathering, to contribute to its hilarity. The silver wedding gifts are nearly always sent in advance, and are displayed on a table, the cards of the donor usually being left on them. The recipients are to tender their thanks in person or by note.

Every effort should be made to have these festivities joyous. Especially should the wife subdue her emotion if the review of the years since her bona fide wedding day have seen the loss of beloved children. She must stifle her sad recollections for the sake of her guests.

The members of the bridal party, the more honored guests at the first wedding, the clergyman who officiated, are sought as welcome guests at the anniversary. The bride that was wears something she wore on the first occasion. If the wedding dress and the bridegroom's suit have been preserved they are worn--and wonderfully quaint they often look, so great the change in fashion.

CHRISTENING CEREMONIES.

"Our birth is nothing but our death begun, as tapers waste the moment they take fire." --Young.

The arrival of the stork with the new baby is an event of vast family interest, especially if it is the first visit of the bird to the domicile. In America it is not customary to announce a birth in the newspapers, as is often done in England, especially among the nobility. The personal friends of the parents receive the visiting card of both, or of the mother only, to which is attached a small card bearing the baby's full name and the date of his arrival. These are enclosed in an envelope, this again in an outer one, and mailed.

It is proper for those thus notified to call at an early date to inquire as to the well-being of mother and babe. As it is not customary for the mother to receive any but a very few of her nearest relatives under at least three weeks, callers should not be expected to see her, but are to leave cards. A note of congratulation is often sent instead of calling, and offers to the ingenious and witty an excellent chance for the display of delicate pleasantry. Thus it is entirely proper to address the note to the baby, and congratulate him on having chosen such charming parents, and such a lovely home. Flowers are not infrequently sent to the mother, and little gifts--soft booties, little gold pins for sleeve and neck, little crocheted or knitted sacks, or dainty bibs--to the baby.

[748 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The Ceremony.--The baby is usually christened when it is six or eight weeks old. Clergymen prefer this should be done at the church, and generally arrange to perform several baptisms at the same time--Children's Day being a favorite time. Otherwise, the christening usually takes place after the congregation is dismissed at the conclusion of a service. Only those interested and a few specially invited friends remain for it. There is no objection, however, to having a child christened at home, when the affair is made one of more festivity.

Most young married people prefer to have the clergyman who married them christen their first baby, when practicable.

Sponsors.--The baby's sponsors are chosen, by the parents' agreement, from among their relatives and close friends, almost always those of their own communion. The request is preferred verbally or by personal notes. A boy has a godmother and two godfathers; a girl two godmothers and a godfather. Occasionally this rule is broken and a godmother alone chosen for a girl, and one godfather for a boy. Godparents are supposed to stand in a more intimate relation to their godchildren than to others, and to take a more personal interest in them, especially in case of the parents' death. It is a serious relation, involving a certain religious responsibility, and is not to be lightly entered into.

The godparents are expected to make christening gifts to the child on his baptismal day. They are usually in the form of silver cups, porringers, silver spoons, forks, etc.; these should be solid, never plated ware. If the babe is named for one of its godparents, the latter is expected to do something handsome in the way of a christening gift. Sometimes a bank account is opened in the child's name, the sum deposited being left at interest until he becomes of age.

Church Christenings.--At a church christening, the babe is dressed in its handsomest robe and cap. Formerly the robes were very long and miracles of lace and embroidery; at present the finest of linen lawn or batiste, with a little real lace at neck and sleeves, and a bit of fine French embroidery, is thought in better taste, even in the case of the very wealthy. And many a blessed baby is given his name in a simple little lawn robe with no embellishment beyond a little tucking--done by the mother's own hands, perhaps.