Chapter C: F. Greville (6)

"ST. MARY, ISLINGTON, Mitre Tavern, opposite the Church, Jan. 23.
We, the undersigned, being PUBLICANS within this Parish, from a
sense of duty we owe to the present Constitution, and Government
of this country; and, having a desire to preserve to the utmost
of our Power, Peace, and Good Order, by preventing the assembling
of Persons as Societies, or Clubs, for seditious purposes, in our
several Houses--have this day met, and resolved, and, by this, do
pledge ourselves, to give immediate Information to the Committee
appointed at the Church, on the 8th Day of Dec. last, for the
preservation of the Public Peace, &c., of any Person, or Persons,
making use of disloyal Expressions or otherwise offending against
the Peace of the Parish, whereby he, or they, may be brought to
Punishment for the same. Agreed, That this Resolution be signed
by as many Publicans within this Parish, as shall approve the
same, and that it may be advertised in the daily Papers.

"_N.B._--The signatures contain the whole Number of Publicans in
this Parish."--(_Times, Feb. 7, 1793._)

* * * * *

"It is rather extraordinary, that the Whig Club should forget to
drink the Duke of Portland's health last Tuesday, and the House
of Cavendish. There was a time, when the Whig Club was
respectable; but that is over, and perhaps never to return. The
last meeting was _a-la-mode D'Egalité_."--(_Times, Feb. 7,
1793._)

* * * * *

"As the Members of the National Convention are so very fond of
_Pain_, it cannot be deemed _unfeeling_ to express a sincere wish
that they all felt it."--(_Times, Feb. 7, 1793._)

* * * * *

"Lady Dover's house, it is confidently said, was set on fire by a
_Frenchman_. The person's name has been publicly mentioned. What
may, and must, surprise a number of Britons is, that in most of
the late Opposition families of eminence, the principal servants
are Frenchmen:--and it is necessary to make public, that these
foreigners, under the roofs of those who give them bread, utter
the most treasonable blasphemies against the present Government
of this country. As some new tax may be requisite, to assist the
necessary resources of Government, a most heavy impost on French
servants would be extremely popular. The Steward, the Butler, the
Cook, the Valet, and the rest of the principal servants in one of
the first families of Opposition, are French. Does this accord
with national friendship?"--(_Times, Feb. 8, 1793._)

* * * * *

"There are no patriotic gifts now made for carrying on the war in
France!--no bodkins, scissors, thimbles, rings, and necklaces!
The Army is left to shift for itself: and, if they cannot plunder
a day's subsistence, they must fast."--(_Times, Feby. 9, 1793._)

* * * * *

"In the year 1782, when Mr. Fox gave notice of motion on the
state of the nation, the House was filled at an early hour to an
overflow. But on a similar notice, from the same person, in 1793,
there were not sufficient Members to make a House, and the
Speaker adjourned to next day. Tempora mutantur."--(_Times, Feb.
9, 1793._)

* * * * *

"QUERIES.

"Why is opposition like a stumbling horse?

Because it is broken down.

Why is Lord Lansdowne like a man with the gout?

Because his mind is engrossed by _Paine_.

Why is the National Assembly of France like a Crocodile?

Because it deceives, in order to destroy.

Why is Mr. Courtney like an apothecary's bill?

Because he is _ditto repeated_ on all occasions.

Why is Mr. Erskine like the first two words of the beginning of
the Eclogues of Virgil?

Because he commences with _Ille Ego_.

Why is _Michael Angelo Taylor_ like a barrel organ?

Because any person can play upon him.

Why is Lord Courtney like Narcissus?

Because he is in love with himself.

Why is Mrs. Sturt like a young kitten?

Because she is fond of play.

Why is the Club at _Brookes's_ like cannibals?

Because they prey one upon another.

Why is Mrs. Siddons like the late Sir Joshua Reynolds?

Because she deceives the public into a belief that art is nature.

Why is Lord Wycombe an advocate for peace?

Because his father made _nothing_ until he put an end to the war.

Why are the Members of Opposition like the live stock of a
Register Office?

Because they _want places_."--(_Times, Feb. 9, 1793._)

* * * * *

"In days of yore, Lady Wallace would have been burnt for a witch
from the prophecies, now verified, which she published a year
ago, in a letter to her son:--She foretold that the _Prince_
would soon throw off the corrupt ministers to his youthful
pleasures, and shew himself the protector of that happy
Government, which alone can insure the wealth, freedom, and
glory, of England! She says, "he will emerge in all the splendour
which attends the noon-day sun, after having dispersed the clouds
exhaled from foul vapours beneath him." She foretold that the
united forces would not succeed in their attack upon France: that
England must inevitably be speedily involved in war, from the
convulsed state of the Continent:--She said, that if foreign
Powers would take no hostile part against the French, that they
would prey like wolves upon each other, and do more towards a
Counterrevolution, by their frenzy being vented in internal
discord, than all Europe would ever force them to do. It was her
Ladyship who first boldly exposed to a great personage, and
society, _Egalité's_ crimes, and foretold, that, after having
washed his daggers in Royal blood at Paris, he would send his
hireling ruffians to attempt like horrors here! truths which are
well known now, although they appeared then incredible. Her
information when on the Continent, and knowledge of foreign
politics, are most accurate, and valuable."--(_Times, Feb. 12,
1793._)

* * * * *

"The _first speech_ Mr. Grey ever delivered in Parliament, was on
the subject of the Commercial Treaty with France. _At that time_
Mr. Grey expressed, in very forcible language, his abhorrence of
any connexion _whatever_ with the French, and, strongly insisting
on their inbred hatred to this country, declared, they were a
perfidious, and treacherous, people, and on no account to be
trusted."--(_Times, Feb. 14, 1793._)

* * * * *

"On Mr. Grey, being the only Man not in Mourning in the House of
Commons, on a late melancholy occasion."--(_Times, Feb. 14,
1793._)

"'Twas unfeeling forsooth,
Every Man in the House
Was in mourning, but one who drest gay;
As he would not be Black,
He'll be made to look Blue,
A mixture which forms a bad Grey."

* * * * *

"It is said that there have been one hundred and twenty-one
Changes in the Peerage since the commencement of Mr. Hastings's
trial in 1788."--(_Times, Feb. 18, 1793._)

* * * * *

"An Expostulation with John Bull, in favour of the Marquis of
L--nsd--n:--

"Of the Candidates John for thy favour of late,
Among all who are noble, and wish to be great,
Sure L--nsd--n, with reason may fairly complain,
That his merits could never your confidence gain!
The Moralists too, will confess with a tear,
That Virtue performs but a Pilgrimage here!
Else had L--nsd--n long since been possess'd of that pow'r
Which England took from him, in splenetic hour.
He was always a Friend to his Country's Cause,
The prop of her Church, the support of her Laws;
He ne'er with Republicans chose to accord,
And his Foes never call'd him the Levelling Lord.
He made the fam'd Peace of the year Eighty Three,
A Peace, John, as good for himself, as for thee.
In his speech he is open, and candid no doubt,
For which side he espouses, no man can find out;
Whether Whig, whether Tory, of High Church, or Low;
You may puzzle your brains, but you never will know.
As a proof that the Marquis is no Partizan,
Let the world call six persons his Friends--if it can.[18]
Great Jekyll, that man so renowned at the Bar,
More witty than Fielding, more learned than Parr,
Who punning despises, as L--nsd--n does place,
Says, his Patron's pure mind, is as fair as his face,
That his Bounty and Eloquence equally flow,
To comfort the Weak, and to succour the Low.
Yet this eloquent speaker, this statesman so just,
No Sect will confide in, no Party will trust;
And I speak it, alas! with reproach to mankind,
To his Merits and Virtue, his Country is blind!
And when full of honours and Years he shall die,
Ungrateful Britannia, will not heave a sigh;
Nay, perhaps with a sneer, she may scoffingly say,
The Sun of my Glory, is faded away!![19]

"ZTIF."

--(_Times, Feb. 16, 1793._)

[Footnote 18: We imagine Political Friends must here be
alluded to--for the amiable and endearing qualities of the
Marquis's sympathising heart, must have insured him, in
private life, the warm affections of all his relations and
dependants.]

[Footnote 19: At the conclusion of the American War, when
the noble Marquis came into power, he emphatically said "the
Sun of England's Glory was set for ever," and many grave
people entertained that opinion during the short time his
Lordship was Minister of this Country.]

* * * * *

"No less than eighty four actions of _bribery_ are brought on the
business of the _Stockbridge_ election; the penalties sued for
amount to £42,000."--(_Times, Feb. 28, 1793._)

* * * * *

"'Want of information is our bane,' says the female politician in
the _Humourist_: but the following anecdote, which is a fact,
will prove that want of information is not numbered among the
wants of Administration. A Young Gentleman, Clerk in an Office
under Government, in consequence of strong entreaties from a
friend, accompanied him to a meeting of about thirty, at a
tavern, when, after dinner, several very seditious toasts were
given, the visitor was called on, and gave the King; this toast,
however, being rejected, and all expostulations proving in vain,
he left the company soon after, and the next day, by the advice
of his friends, waited on Mr. Pitt, to tell his story. But, judge
his surprise, when the Minister, interrupting him, produced a
paper, in which was written the names of the parties, the order
in which they sate, the toasts drank, and here, sir, added Mr.
Pitt, observe your own name placed at the bottom!!!"--(_Times,
March 5, 1794._)

* * * * *

"Diamond cut Diamond.--Dr. Priestly, we will not say lately, gave
'the _Sans Culottes of England_' at a dinner party. A Clergyman
of the Church of England, willing to get rid of politics, archly
exclaimed--'Yes, with all my heart, I presume you mean the single
ladies, for the married ones generally wear the breeches.' The
wit being called upon in his turn, Dr. Priestley desired the
President to be on his guard, for he saw plainly that the
Clergyman, if presented with an INCH, would take an ELL. 'Thank
you for the hint, Doctor,' replied the Clerical Humourist. 'Yes,
I'll take three L's, so here's Liberty, Loyalty, and Lawn
Sleeves!' The room, of course, was in a roar, and the Doctor,
quite SHOCKED, went off like lightning without a
CONDUCTOR."--(_Times, March 4, 1794._)

* * * * *

"The late contest at _Wycombe_, between Sir F. Baring and Mr.
Dashwood, was carried on to a very high pitch by the mob. Lord
Wycombe was thrown down in the mud. Mr. Dashwood lost his hat in
the affray, and all was confusion and riot. The _Lansdowne_
interest, however, prevailed, and Sir Francis was
returned."--(_Times, Feb. 7, 1794._)

* * * * *

"Sir Francis Baring is elected Member for _High Wycombe_, in the
room of Sir John Jervis. Sir Francis was opposed by Sir John
Dashwood. The votes were, for Sir F. B. 29, Sir John D.
22."--(_Times, Feb. 5, 1794._)

* * * * *

"The _Society for Constitutional Information_, held a meeting at
the Crown and Anchor, in the Strand, on Friday last, where toasts
of the most seditious tendency were drunk, and sentiments
expressed which ought to send the speakers to Botany Bay. The
number of seditionists who met on the above occasion, amounted to
300 persons; among whom were not to be found above three who
possessed an acre of land in this country. They were men mostly
in desperate circumstances, who had everything to gain, and
nothing to lose, by a Revolution. They toasted success to the
French, sung the _Marseillois treasonable Hymn_, and _Ça ira_,
arraigned the justice of the law that had punished traitors in
Scotland, Ireland, and England, and gave the health of those
traitors. They abused and vilified the House of Commons, called
the Royal Family, and the Nobility of Great Britain, beggars:
said it was the interest of the people to join with those
struggling in the cause against which our Country was fighting.
In short they did everything short of _active
rebellion_."--(_Times, May 5, 1794._)

* * * * *

"On a lamp post, in the Westminster-Road, is a paper with the
Title of Public Notice, respecting some parish business, and
immediately underneath it, is Sir Joseph Mawbey's late speech at
Epsom. Two sailors stopping on Sunday to read it, when one had
began, the other cried out--'Stop, Jack: you're wrong, don't you
see it is _beneath_ Public Notice?' alluding to the paper above
it: and they both walked away."--(_Times, Nov. 3, 1794._)

A Reform Bill was sorely needed in the matters of Elections.

"Election for _Launceston, Cornwall_. Candidates, Hon. Mr.
Rawdon, Mr. Brogden. The numbers were as follows:--

Hon. Mr. Rawden and Mr. Brogden, 12.
Dalkeith and Garthshore, 11.

"This contest here was a hard fought battle between the Duke of
Northumberland and the Duke of Buccleugh. Both parties have spent
a great deal of money: but the former has carried the
day."--(_Times, June 6, 1796._)

* * * * *

"_Shrewsbury Election._--The state of the Poll on Monday was as
follows:--Sir W. Pulteney, 1607; John Hill, Esq., 834; Hon. W.
Hill, 832. The Election, it is thought, will cost Sir Richard
Hill £100,000. The expence to each party is about £1000 per
day."--(_Times, June 9, 1796._)

* * * * *

"A certain new Member for a Borough in the West of England, is
indebted to the family Jewels of his wife for bearing the expence
of his Election. Not only her diamonds, but the greater part of
her cloaths have been withheld. Those that were returned to her,
would have disgraced her waiting woman."--(_Times, July 4,
1796._)

* * * * *

"Yesterday conformable to an ancient ridiculous custom, came on
the Election, at Wandsworth, for a Mayor of Garratt. The
candidates were two--Sir _George Cooke_, Greengrocer and
Inhabitant of Lambeth: and Sir _Harry Dimsdale_, a Muffin Baker.
Sir _George_ set off from his house in the morning, surrounded by
all the appendages of grandeur, and placed in an open landau,
drawn by six beautiful horses, with postillions on the first
four, elegantly attired in red. A coach and four preceded him all
the way in equal style.

"After he had arrived at the entrance of Wandsworth, his horses
were taken out by the mob, and he was drawn by them to the
Hustings, where he joined his opponent, who was little short of
Sir _George_ in point of _etiquette_. After a long preamble from
each party, promising unremitting attention to the duties of the
office, the honours of the day were conferred on Sir George
Cooke."--(_Times, Aug. 25, 1796._)

* * * * *

"Garrat Election.--Most of the Morning Prints of yesterday
misstated this business. It was Sir _Harry Dimsdale_, and not Sir
_George_ Cooke, who was returned. Those who supported Sir George,
did not even put him in nomination. He was drawn there, it is
true, but he made no stand: he gave up the contest, and Sir Harry
was crowned with a green bough, and the horses taken from his
carriage by the populace, who drew him in triumph to the Bull, at
East Sheen, to dinner, where above six hundred people sat down to
a plentiful dinner. After dinner, it was proposed that Sir Harry
should go, on Friday, in State, to the Royal Circus, in St.
George's Fields, and this motion being carried, we understand the
Muffin Knight will actually be there this evening."--(_Times,
Aug. 26, 1796._)

This was the last of these mock elections--and we may well pause for a while, and examine this curious institution--unique in its way--not thoroughly well-known--and whose origin, even, is in dispute.

Not far from Wandsworth, on the road to Tooting, is found the hamlet of Garrett, or Garrat, which, in the time of Queen Elizabeth, appears to have consisted of a single house, called "the Garvett." This was, at the time of its destruction, about the year 1760, in the possession of the Broderick family, and its grounds were then let to a market gardener. Lyson's, writing in 1792, says the hamlet consisted of about 50 houses--but it grew until it became incorporated into Wandsworth, and its site is still known by "Garret Lane," "Garret Green," "Garret Hill," &c.

As regards the curious mock election which took place here with each new Parliament, nothing certain is known, and opinions are divided, as to its origin. Dr. Ducarel, an antiquary, writing in 1754, tells us, that as far as he can find out, it began, some 60 or 70 years previously, with some Wandsworth Watermen, who went to a public house, called the Leather Bottle, at Garrat, to spend a merry day--and, it being a general election, they, in fun, chose one of their number as Member for Garrat.

Another version is given in the "Gentleman's Magazine" for 1781, in which a writer says he was told, that about thirty years previously, several persons who lived near that part of Wandsworth which adjoins to Garrat Lane, had formed a kind of Club, not merely for the pleasures of the table, but to concert measures for removing the encroachments made on that part of the Common; and to prevent any others being made, for the future. When a sufficient sum of money had been subscribed amongst them, they brought an action against the encroacher, in the name of the president (or, as they called him, Mayor,) of the Club. They gained their suit, with costs, and, ever after, the president, was called "the Mayor of Garrat." This event happening at the time of a general election, the ceremony, which took place every new parliament, of choosing _outdoor_ members for the borough of Garrat, was continued.

The earliest record of Members being chosen, is in 1747, when three Candidates for the honour appeared. Lord Twankum Squire Blow me down (Willis, a Waterman) and Squire Gubbins, (one Simmonds, a publican.) The "Clerk," and "Recorder," issued from an imaginary Town Hall. There were proper Hustings, at which an oath was administered to the electors which, according to Grose, was sworn on a brick bat--and the qualification was, that the juror had had an amour in the surrounding open fields.

There was a great deal of rough wit in the candidate's speeches, and Foote, Garrick, and Wilkes, were credited with writing their addresses. Foote even wrote a play, called "the Mayor of Garratt," which was produced at Drury Lane. There were elections in 1761, 1763, 1768, &c. That of 1781--was famous for the magnificence of its procession--having a real live man in armour. In 1784, Sir Jeffrey Dunstan (they all dubbed themselves knights) was elected to the honourable post, and he held it till his death in 1796.

This worthy needs a passing notice. His birth, and education, were but humble, for he was found, wrapped in a cloth, on the door step of a Church warden, of St. Dunstan's in the East--hence his name of Dunstan. He grew up deformed, and rickety, and, at the age of 12, was apprenticed to a greengrocer, for 9 years--but the servitude galled him, and he ran away, finding employment at Birmingham. He returned to London in 1776 and soon afterwards married--and had two daughters, who were really fine young women. He was squalid, and filthy, in his dress, and got his living by buying, and selling, old wigs. His humour, however, gained him his election for Garrett. The accompanying illustrations shew him in his ordinary dress, as "Old Wigs," and in the superb court suit which he sported at election times.

The Election, at last, led to such disgraceful scenes, that even the publicans, who were its chief mainstay, would no longer support it: and Sir Harry Dimsdale, holds the proud pre-eminence of being the last elected Member.

ROYALTY.

Lives of the Georges, and their families, have been written _ad nauseam_, and I did not intend making any notes upon the Royal personages, then living--but I found some few paragraphs, which lie outside regular history, and may interest my readers.

"It was rather unfortunate for the Prince of Wales's proxy at the
Court of Brunswick, that he should be attacked with the Gout, on
the night of the marriage ceremony! Lord Malmesbury continued to
be confined to his room when the last accounts came from
Brunswick."--(_Times, Dec. 15, 1794._)

* * * * *

"TO LORD MALMESBURY,

"On his being attacked by the Gout, the day he represented the
Prince of Wales, in marriage with the Princess of Brunswick:--

"At such a time, the Gout to have,
Is much to be lamented,
What must the Royal Bride conceive
Of him you represented?

CUPID."

--(_Times, Dec. 16, 1794._)

* * * * *

"LORD MALMESBURY'S GOUT.

"His Lordship's sent to _Brunswick's_ Court
By Proxy, there to wed
A Royal Princess: as Consort
To George, our Prince's, bed.

But charms like hers, in bloom of life,
Too strong for age to meet:
As he approached th' intended wife:
_Deprived him of his feet._"

--(_Times, Dec. 17, 1794._)

* * * * *

"THE LAME LOVER, or BRITISH AND FRENCH SYNONIMY.

"With coach and six, with servants eight,
With liveries spic and span;
Too sure, alas! a wretched fate
Befel the splendid, _happy_ man.
At such a time, as this, the Gout!
'Twas pity, Sirs, and yet 'tis true:
The _Proxy's_ good, if Fame's not out--
His Royal Highness has a _Gout_."

--(_Times, Dec. 18, 1794._)

* * * * *

"Her Majesty is very busily employed in embroidering a coat and
waistcoat, for his Majesty, which are to be worn at the
approaching nuptials of the Prince, and Princess of Wales. The
coat is made of garter blue, broad cloth, and the waistcoat of
white satin. The ornamental part is spoken of as being extremely
beautiful."--(_Times, Jan. 13, 1795._)

* * * * *

"The usual dress liveries of the Prince of Wales, while a
bachelor, cost fifty guineas each: those, in which they will
appear before the Princess, have cost one hundred guineas
each."--(_Times, March 17, 1795._)

* * * * *

"Amidst the _curious bills_ which are daily being brought to
light, under the investigation of the Prince's Trustees, is one
of Mr. Layton the _farrier_, which, for the last seven years,
amounts to no less than £17,500!"--(_Times, Aug. 29, 1795._)

* * * * *

"The King being prevented, by the severity of the weather, from
taking his usual diversion of hunting, at Windsor, his Majesty,
with his usual suite, makes daily pedestrian excursions, some of
which amount to a route little short of 20 miles."--(_Times, Dec.
9, 1796._)

The _Times_ of Jan. 17, 1798, contains a paragraph, showing the domesticity, and simplicity of life, in the Royal Family.

"The Princess of Wirtemberg expects to lie in, towards the latter
end of next month; and her Majesty, and the Princesses, are very
busily employed in making the childbed linen, which is to be a
present from the Queen."

* * * * *

(The Queen's Birthday.)

"The BALL-ROOM. The Ball was the thinnest, in company, that we
have ever witnessed, there being only two Ladies on the benches
allotted for those who dance. Neither the Prince, nor Princess,
of Wales, the Duke, or Duchess of York, were present. Soon after
nine o'clock, their Majesties entered the Ball-room. The Duke of
Clarence danced the two first minuets with the Princess Augusta,
and two more with the Princess Elizabeth, which is very unusual.
Prince William danced the next two with the Princess Mary, and
two more with the Princess Sophia. Lord Morton then danced two
dances with Lady Murray, daughter to the Duke of Athol, and two
more with Lady M. Thynne. There were four country Dances, but
only six couple. The Ball broke up soon after 11
o'clock."--(_Times, Jan. 19, 1798._)

Here is a specimen of Royal economy, which was certainly unpopular:--

"Some of the cream-coloured horses formerly attached to the Royal
Coach, and which were only used on state days, are now employed
in the daily drudgery of hackney coaches. The present proprietor
values them very highly, and thinks, from their great receipt of
custom, that they will draw him into an easy fortune."--(_Times,
Aug. 10, 1796._)

* * * * *

"To the CONDUCTOR of the TIMES.

"Sir,--Among many others, I was yesterday a spectator of what you
notice in your paper of this morning. A pair of those noble
animals, which, for several years, have drawn his Majesty's State
Coach, degraded to a hack. The spectacle really gave me concern,
and must certainly reflect disgrace somewhere. It necessarily
suggests two considerations, one relative to the dignity of
Majesty itself, the other to the natural emotions of sensibility.
What! say the vulgar, are the _King's_ State Horses come to this?
Oh! what a pity! says the man of sensibility, that these poor
creatures recently, and habitually, so caressed, and pampered,
should experience such a lamentable reverse! How fallen, how
abused, how galled! I assure you, Mr. Editor, they are
_literally_, and _grievously_, _galled_. Surely his Majesty must
be a stranger to all this: and it would be of no dis-service to
him, to let the Public know that he is so. Those who love him,
cannot but feel for his horses, nor refrain from thinking that
his sensibility, as a man, must be hurt, at hearing of the
sufferings of those stately animals, which once contributed to
his most magnificent public appearance.

A Dutiful Subject."

--(_Times, Aug. 12, 1796._)

Here is a bit of Satire on the Prince of Wales, who was notoriously at variance with both his father and mother.

"An illustrious Personage is now engaged in making a collection
of the profile likenesses of his friends. The number already
collected is stated to amount to _fifty_. His friends are
certainly more numerous than those of almost any Prince we ever
heard of, except our own Sovereign. The wealthy Croesus had but
one friend, and that was his son."--(_Times, Nov. 6, 1799._)

VARIETIES.

The year 1788 begins well, with an account of a coming of age, which seems to have been conducted in the classical taste peculiar to this period.

"The late celebration of Miss Pulteney coming of age, bore much
the appearance of idolatrous sacrifice. The procession headed by
an _ox_, adorned with _flowers_, his horns painted _blue_, and
_tipped with gold_, preceded by a band of music, and afterwards
offered up, were all so much in character, that could the _High
Priest_, himself, of Rome been present, and beheld the charming
object of their veneration, he would have mistaken her for a
_Venus_, and joined the throng, with all that ardour the
immediate presence of a divinity ought to inspire."--(_Morning
Post, Jan. 1, 1788._)

The following advertisement from the _Morning Post_ of March 13, 1788, gives us perhaps the earliest glimmer of reform on the old tinder box, flint and steel, and matches, Lucifer Matches not being generally used till 1834:--

"For Travellers, Mariners, &c.

"Promethean Fire and Phosphorus.

"G. Watts respectfully acquaints the public, that he has prepared
a large variety of machines of a portable, and durable kind, with
Promethean fire, paper and match inclosed, most admirably
calculated to prevent those disagreeable sensations, which
frequently arise in the dreary hour of midnight, from the sudden
alarm of thieves, fire, or sickness; as, by procuring an
instantaneous light, the worst calamities and depredations might
often be prevented in families. Experience has likewise proved
this invention to be of the first utility to the traveller,
mariners, and those people who frequently rise in the
night-time, as they can, with one of these matches procure light
instantly, without the great expence, and danger, of burning a
lamp or candle."

Anything that illustrates the Social Life of "Old Times," must needs be of interest, even though, as in the accompanying engraving, the subject be painful. It is by Rowlandson, and shews, better than words can convey, the then treatment of that saddest of all human maladies--mental aberration.

Chained by the neck to a wall--scantily clothed--barefoot, and with but straw to lie on, was hardly the usage by which the alienated intellect could be restored to its proper tone--yet so it was, in too many cases, that mad people were treated: the whip, and even harsher punishment following, should they show any signs of rebellion.

"The bet of his Grace of Bedford, that Lord Barrymore will not
eat a live Cat, is not without precedent on the records of
sporting. On a wager of fifty pounds, a fellow who lived near the
race-course of Kildare, in Ireland, devoured five fox cubs, and
literally began eating each while alive. It is, however, to be
observed, that the devourer was a natural fool, having been born
deaf, dumb, and without a palate."--(_Morning Post, Mar. 15,
1788._)

* * * * *

"A fine topaz sold at Tenducci's sale for seven guineas; the
finest in the kingdom: is the property of Mrs. More of Stockwell,
and what, perhaps, would increase its value in the estimation of
many people, this topaz once belonged to Queen Anne. It is near
an inch in diameter, and of most uncommon brilliancy."--(_Morning
Post, Ap. 17, 1788._)

That Agriculture was not neglected, we can well imagine, for England had to be almost self contained, as regarded food for her population--but few know to what a pitch of perfection sheep breeding was carried--nor the enormous prices paid for the hire of stud rams.

"Mr. Bakewell, the famous grazier, has lost one of his most
remarkable rams. It was of such value, that he let it out to
hire, and received £400 for the season."--(_Morning Post, Sept.
12, 1788._)

This was the far famed agriculturist. Robert Bakewell--who brought his father's famous "Dishley" sheep to such perfection, that in 1787, he let three rams, for a year, for £1250, and was offered, but refused, £1050 for twenty ewes. When we think of the difference of the value of Currency, then, and now, these prices are fairly staggering. These Dishley sheep had good qualities, they were quiet--they fattened quickly, and well--and they had small bones. But Bakewell, even in his cattle, as well as his sheep, always kept in view, what, even now, are the guiding principles in our Cattle shows--Perfection of form--the most meat from the least food--the least offal--and large joints with small bones.

"The following is a copy of a hand bill, which was a few days ago
distributed in the city of Edinburgh:--

"'_Thou shalt not steal_--All persons whom it may concern are
desired to take notice, that _steel traps of the largest sort_,
for catching breakers of the eighth Commandment, are, every
night, placed in the garden at St. Bernard's, between Stockbridge
and the Water of Leith, on the North side of the water: That
_spring guns_ are set to rake the Walls with shot, upon a touch
of a wire; and, that a _tent, having in it an armed Watchman_, is
pitched in the middle, with orders to fire without mercy.

"'If, therefore, any evil disposed unhappy person or persons,
shall attempt to break into the ground of St. Bernard's, their
blood be upon their own heads.

"'Of the fruit of the garden thou shalt not eat; for in the day
that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die,'" _Gen. 2.
27._--(_Morning Post, Sept. 17, 1788._)

"One day last week a Sub distributor of Stamps, who resides a few
miles from London, and who is also a Glover, was convicted in the
penalty of Eighty Pounds, before the Sitting Magistrates at the
Public Office, in St. Martin's Lane, for selling Four Pair of
Gloves without Stamps." Probably under 25 Geo. 3, cap. 55.
(1785.)--(_Morning Post, Oct. 20, 1788._)

The following singular inscription is literally taken from a sign in the vicinity of Reading:--

"Beards taken off and registered.

"_By Isaac Fac-totum._

"Barber, Peri-wig maker, Surgeon, Parish Clerk, Scool master, and
Man midwife.

"Shaves for a penne, cuts hare for toopense and oyld and powdird
into the bargain--Young Ladys genteely edicated, Lamps lited by
the hear or quarter. Young Gentlemen also taut their Grammer
Langwage in the neetest maner and great cear takin of their
Morels and Spelin--Also Saline singing and horse Shewin by the
real maker! Likewise makes and mends all sorts of Butes and
Shoes, Teches the Ho-boy and Jews-harp, Cuts corns bledes and
blisters on the lowes Terms; Glisters and purgis at a penne
apiece. Cow-tillions and other dances taut at home and abrode.
Also deals holesale and retale pirfummery in all its branchis.
Sells all sorts of Stationary wair twogether with blackin balls
red herrins gingerbred Coles scrubbin brushes traycle mouce traps
and other swetemetes.

"Likewise Godfathers Cordiel red rutes Tatoes Sassages and all
other gardin stuff. N.B.--I teches joggrafy and those outlandish
kind of things--A Bawl on Wensdays and Fridays all pirfomed god
willin by me Isaac Factotum."--(_Morning Post, Nov. 19, 1788._)

* * * * *

"An Impromptu
on Mr. Domford's Piety.

"So pious was Josiah's care
He sacred would keep one day,
And in the gutter threw his beer
For Working on a Sunday."

--(_Morning Post, Jan. 6, 1789._)

Who can say after reading the following that our grandfathers were not a match for the Americans, at telling a "tall" story:--

"Natural History.

"A very curious incident happened near Edmonton last week, to
account for which we are unable, and leave the explanation to
botanical and Chirurgical professors.

"A farmer requested some lettuces from a gentleman in the
neighbourhood, who permitted the farmer's maid to gather what she
wanted; she gathered likewise some Cucumbers, and near them were
glasses covering sensitive and humble plants, which the wench
gathered as small sallad.

"The farmer eat heartily of these, and the effect was, that after
dinner, tho' he is a very fat man, a slight touch from another
person made him shrink at least five stone; but, towards the
evening, he recovered gradually his usual bulk and weight; and,
when he had evacuated the sallad and mimosa, he retained his
corpulency as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

"This we insert as a caution to persons not to mix this plant
with other pot herbs."--(_Morning Post, Aug. 31, 1789._)

Gillray, Oct. 4, 1791, gives us the accompanying extremely graphic illustrations--shewing the difference of behaviour at the Opera and at Church--the vivacity of the one, and the somnolence of the other.

"A Card

"Addressed to those among the female sex, whose desires are
neither Romantic nor Extravagant, who stand in need and wish for
such an opportunity as is now offered.

"A SINGLE GENTLEMAN who is blest with an Independence, adequate
to every real comfort in life, and having none to provide for,
prefers permanent friendship and protection to a Lady possessing
the following requisites: age not exceeding 35, person well
shaped, teeth sound and regular, good voice, a stranger to the
hackneyed tricks of the town: good temper, constancy, a social
disposition, engaging manners, a turn to economy, and a knowledge
by experience of domestic concerns, a taste for simplicity and
elegance in dress, spruce in her person, and attentive to
neatness in others; free from incumbrance, affectation and
unpleasant habits: a pleasing countenance, if the face should
neither be beautiful nor pretty--musical talents, vocal and
instrumental--and she who may be the greatest proficient on the
pianoforte or harpsichord, or what is still more irresistible,
the harp, if in other respects equal, will claim the preference.
The Lady, of course, must be totally at her own disposal: if a
native of Britain, a Knowledge of French so as to speak it
fluently; if a foreigner, capable of speaking and writing the
English language with ease and propriety: and both native, and
foreign, habituated to the English Customs in every point of
cleanliness and delicacy.

"Should she be conversant with Italian, with a genius for
painting, poetry, astronomy, botany, &c., she would be the more
acceptable. Not only the utmost regard to decorum will be
observed upon this occasion, but that respect which the delicacy
of the sex demands, shall be manifested as early as possible. He
hopes, therefore, since his motives are so obvious, that those
whose sentiments are congenial with his own, who mean to notice
this address will do it speedily, as the Author will soon be
going to the Continent on an extensive tour.

"For this and other cogent reasons, which hereafter may be
specified, Principals only will be treated with. Such
communications, and positively no other, as are written in the
Party's own hand, at once explicit respecting situation,
intention and expectation, &c., shall according to their merits
be duly acknowledged, and the necessary steps in consequence
will be pointed out to bring the matter with safety to an
immediate issue.

"Should an object whose person, talents, and accomplishments,
&c., are superior to the generality of females, be discovered
with proofs of serious intention, a marriage may be the result.
The want of pelf, if of a respectable connection, should with the
Author, be no impediment thereto, being, with prudence, amply
provided for. The Advertiser forbears saying any more of himself,
than that his person, age, qualities, &c., would probably suit
such a Lady as he has described: and as a well cultivated mind,
united with the requisites above stated, would be preferred to
the consideration of either family, or fortune, he hopes some
credit will be allowed him for his good intentions.

"Letters free of postage will be received if addressed to G. A.
S., at the Recorder Printing Office, No. 12 Duke St. Drury
Lane."--(_Times, Feby. 7, 1793._)

* * * * *

"ELEGANT PRIZE FOR LADIES.

"Marriage Ceremonies, Science of Match-Making, Names
Qualifications and Fortunes, of Heirs and Heiresses--Copious and
Alphabetical List of Marriages in Great Britain and Ireland--New
and Chaste Love Epistles--Matrimonial Bon Mots--Art of
Tormenting--New and predominant Fashions, delineated by the Pen
and Pencil,--And a new Cassino Fan, by way of reward, to the Lady
who shall best answer the prize Enigma, Charade, or Puzzle.

"This day is published, price 6d, embellished with--1. Ludicrous
representation of a Foreign Marriage Ceremony.--2. Exact sketches
of the newest and most prevailing Male and Female Dresses.--3. A
new Matrimonial Song set to Music.

Number 1. (to be continued monthly) of

"THE MATRIMONIAL MAGAZINE for January 1793. To contain, besides
what is above enumerated, original Essays, Biographical Sketches,
Dramatic Tales, Tales humorous and pathetic, alike calculated for
the Maid, the Widow, and the Wife, the Stripling and the
Greybeard. Wit will be combined with decency, and humour with
sense.

"London: Printed for H. D. Symonds, No. 20 Paternoster
Row."--(_Times, Feb. 15, 1793._)

* * * * *

"Advt.--BOLD STROKE FOR A WIFE.

"A person who has been six months deprived of what he calls
Heaven's chiefest blessing, domestic happiness, is not ashamed of
thus avowing his intention of again endeavouring to regain, by
Marriage, that solid felicity he so much regrets the loss of, and
hopes this way to become acquainted with some Maiden Lady, who
has a soul superior to vulgar prejudices, and who will venture to
go a little out of the beaten road, in order to form a truly
rational plan for that sociable happiness which is only to be
found in the Marriage State. The writer of this has no children,
his age is between 40 and 50: he has acquired, by trade, £20,000,
has a house at the West end of the town, another in Kent, and a
Coach to take him from one to the other: so that he thinks
himself deserving of a Lady of equal fortune: the more so, as he
will permit her to make it over to herself or her relations: and
if she should not possess more than half that sum, 'he'd ne'er
quarrel for that.'--A line, addressed to W. W., No. 32 Snow Hill,
by any Lady, or her friends, will be considered as a mark of good
sense, and treated with the respect that is due from a man of
sense to the fair sex."--(_Times, March 10, 1794._)

* * * * *

Advt.--"Matrimony. A Gentleman of small independent Fortune,
occupying a Farm in a retired Part of the Country, within 20
miles South West of London, takes this public method of
addressing any Lady, who may feel happy, and disposed to place
herself under the protection of such a person. He is a Widower,
28 years of age, with an only child, who is amply provided for.
On the part of the Lady, it will be expected that her person be
fair, her mind amiable, and well-informed, her disposition
feminine. In return, the conduct of the Gentleman will be found
to be in every respect manly, honourable, and sincere. A line by
way of introduction, addressed to Mr. Amiens, Epsom, will be paid
every attention to, and it is particularly entreated, that no
other, but of the above description, will give themselves that
trouble."--(_Times, Novr. 26, 1798._)

The French were very badly off for clothing, and as war was on the very eve of commencement--(diplomatic relations between the two Countries having ceased, and the French already having begun open hostilities)--clothing, naturally, was considered "Contraband of War:" hence the following:--

"A vessel loaded with cloathing, to the amount of £120,000, was
on Tuesday stopped in the River. She was bound to a port in
France."--(_Times, Feb. 7, 1793._)

* * * * *

"The Earl of Bute's grand Orrery was sold yesterday for the
trifling sum of sixty guineas, and the celebrated annual clock,
regulating the revolutionary movements of two globes, and of an
orrery for twenty-six guineas."--(_Times, Feb. 9, 1793._)

* * * * *

"Tuesday as Mrs. Fitzherbert, (George 4th's wife) attended by
Miss Bell Pigott, was riding in her carriage in Pall Mall, the
carriage of Colonel Strickland came in close contact with that of
the ladies, by which they were both overturned.

"On Mrs. Fitzherbert and Miss Bell Pigott's overturn--

"What ups and downs a Woman feels
In almost every station;
Down went our Heads, up came our Heels
'Talk of a Coronation!!!'

"COETERA DESUNT."

--(_Times, Feb. 28, 1793._)

* * * * *

"On the late INUNDATION in OLD PALACE YARD.

"On one side Duke Norfolk[20] pushed forward with strife
For he never liked Water throughout his whole life."

[Footnote 20: He was notorious for his drinking
propensities.]

--(_Times, March 1, 1793._)

* * * * *

"The Duke of Norfolk is attacked by the _Hydrophobia_, he can't
bear the sight of _water_. His Physicians have prescribed Wine.
The Marquis of _Stafford_, Marquis of _Bath_, and Lord _Thurlow_
who were present, sanctified this prescription with their most
hearty consent."--(_Times, Feb. 17, 1794._)

* * * * *

"_A new way to travel expeditiously and safely._

"The Duke of Luxembourg, wishing to return to his family at
_Lisbon_, and being apprehensive of going in one of the common
packets, which, if taken by the French, would probably cost him
his life, lately applied to Lord Chatham, for a passage in an
English frigate going to Lisbon. His Lordship very obligingly
acquiesced, and a few days since the Duke sailed in her from
Portsmouth. It turns out, however, that this frigate has been
ordered to _cruise for six weeks_ before she makes for Lisbon:
and thus is the unfortunate Duke exposed to the risk of the
elements and the hazard of an engagement, from having employed
his influence to procure a _safe passage_."--(_Times, May. 10,
1793._)

* * * * *

"There was a rapid trade between Birmingham and France, of base
coin, carried from the former to the latter in Folkstone vessels,
and with this coin great part of the Army was paid, but the whole
is now stopped, and the French Soldiers are paid in
paper."--(_Times, May 10, 1793._)

* * * * *

"The Duke of Bedford has just completed at Wooburn a Dog-Kennel,
that far exceeds his Grace of Richmond's in all points of extent
and magnificence: independently of the immense suite of canine
apartments, it has _baths_, _coffee rooms_, _billiard room_, &c.,
and in the centre is a most spacious _riding house_, &c., for the
equestrian amusement of his friends in bad weather."--(_Times,
Jan. 31, 1794._)

* * * * *

"We know not the Nobleman or Gentleman alluded to lately in the
House of Commons, as contracting at £800 a year for supplying his
Dog-Kennel; but we have heard it said on very good authority,
that there are two kennels, not far from Brighton, in Sussex,
which cost very little short of this sum. The Duke of Bedford's
Dog-Kennel is a mere nothing to either of those alluded
to."--(_Times, April 13, 1796._)

* * * * *

"THE FUNERAL!!

"It was not a Tom Cat, for its melodious squalls plainly proved
it had long been qualified for the Opera.--It was, however, a
prodigious favourite with its Mistress. Long had it lived upon
the fat of the land, in Charlotte St., Queen Anne St., where it
took great care of Number One! For the space of six years and
three months did its Mistress indulge it with 'Rivers of Milk;'
and besides it was a sad Cat, for the matter of that, in skimming
the cream off everything worth skimming. But as Cats, though they
may have nine lives, are not immortal, poor Ralph fell sick and
died--without giving time even for a consultation of Physicians!
His Mistress, after the first transports of grief were subsided,
sent for a Surgeon, who opened the body. He reported that poison
was not the cause, as suspected, of his death, but that he was
literally killed with kindness. In plain English, he died of a
Plethora, for he was fat at heart.

"Away posted the Lady and purchased a piece of ground, just large
enough to swing a Cat in, at the new burial ground in
Mary-le-bonne. The charge was trifling, only two guineas; an
Undertaker provided a coffin in miniature: _Grimalkin_, after
having lain in state, and several of the frail sisterhood,
friends of the Lady, partaken of wine and cake, of which plenty
was provided; a Hearse with White Plumes drove to the door, and
the Lady, a Chief Mourner, attended by her weeping friends, who
filled several Mourning Coaches, followed Ralph to the grave last
Tuesday week, like 'Niobe all in tears;' and after the body had
been deposited in the earth, though with but 'maimed rites,' 'tis
true, she returned slowly to the house of mourning.

"But now comes the sad Cat-astrophe--Whether the Undertaker who
had _undertaken_ to keep the secret, had blabbed, or whether the
spectators of this sad ceremony smelt, as the Cat had often done,
a RAT, so it was, however, that the body had not remained an
hour, quietly inurned, ere they burst open the hinges of its
sepulchre, and parading with it to the place from whence it came,
proceeded to break the windows of the afflicted fair one's
house: and but for the timely interposition of the Magistrates,
the Lady, as well as her house, in all probability would have
been pulled to pieces!!!

"_N.B._--The above is strictly a matter of FACT."--(_Times, March
21, 1794._)

* * * * *

"The access to Kensington Gardens is so inconvenient to the
visitors, that it is to be hoped the politeness of those who have
the direction of it will induce them to give orders for another
door to be made for the convenience of the public--one door for
admission, and another for departure, would prove a great
convenience to the visitors. For want of this regulation the
Ladies frequently have their cloaths torn to pieces; and are much
hurt by the crowd passing different ways."--(_Times, March 28,
1794._)

* * * * *

"Two Ladies were lucky enough to escape thro' the gate of
Kensington Gardens, on Sunday last, with only a broken arm each.
When a few lives have been lost, perchance then a door or two
more may be made for the convenience of the families of the
survivors."--(_Times, May 8, 1794._)

* * * * *

"We noticed last year the nuisance at the door of Kensington
Gardens, leading from Hyde Park, and was in hopes, those who have
the care would attend to it. As the season is approaching when
company frequent it, we again recommend that an additional door
should be made, and an inscription put over it 'The company to go
in at this gate, and return at the other,' by which means the
press will be avoided, and directions given, that all servants do
keep away from the doors, who behave with great impertinence to
their superiors as the company go in. If the gardens are to be a
public accommodation, surely so trifling an expence can be no
object. A greater number of seats in the gardens is very
desirable."--(_Times, April 24, 1795._)

* * * * *

"The public in general, and the ladies in particular, are much
obliged to the Ranger of Hyde Park, for having taken the hint
given in this paper towards their accommodation, by ordering a
new gate to be made, as an entrance into Kensington Gardens.
This convenience was yesterday much noticed, as there is now one
gate for the entrance, and another for leaving the gardens, which
were extremely crowded. But so little regularity was observed in
the procession of carriages, on the Park Road, that there was a
general stoppage about four o'clock, for nearly an hour; in the
throng, several carriages were overset, and many much injured. We
never witnessed so much confusion on any similar
occasion."--(_Times, May 4, 1795._)

* * * * *

"After a very elegant dinner given by the Lord Mayor to the
visitors at the Mansion House on Monday, there was a ball as
usual, which was very numerously attended: and was honored by the
presence of the Turkish Ambassador, several of the _Corps
Diplomatique_ and many of our own Nobility. The harmony and
gaiety of the Entertainment was, however, interrupted about two
o'clock yesterday morning, by the intrusion of a number of
Gentlemen in the Dancing Room, who had sacrificed too freely to
the Jolly God, and seemed determined to kick up a riot. They had
continued drinking till one o'clock in the Dining parlour, and on
entering the Ballroom behaved in such an improper manner, as to
make it necessary to call in the Peace Officers to turn them out.
A terrible uproar ensued; and we understand that two or three of
the Rioters were sent to the Poultry Compter: and we hope they
remained there till they recovered their senses."--(_Times, April
23, 1794._)

* * * * *

"City Extravagance.--During the Rout, we had almost said Riot, at
the Mansion House on Tuesday Morning, several very prudent
Citizens were observed to be out-running the
Constable!"--(_Times, April 24, 1794._)

* * * * *

"We are informed from Abbey Laddercroft, in Cumberland, that a
woman called Jane Forrester, who lives in that parish, is now in
the 138th year of her age. When Cromwell besieged the City of
Carlisle, 1645, she can remember, that a horse's head sold for 2s
6d, before the garrison surrendered. At the martyrdom of King
Charles I., she was nineteen years of age. At Brampton, about six
years ago, she made oath before the Commissioners, in a Chancery
suit, to have known an estate, the right of which was then
disputed, to have been enjoyed by the ancestors of the present
heir 101 years. She hath an only daughter living, aged 103. And
we are further informed, that there are six women now living in
the same parish where she resides, the youngest of whom is 99
years of age."--(_Times, May 16, 1794._)

Pidcock's Menagerie was the nearest substitute for our present Zoological Gardens, that London could boast of, and Exeter Change, where the Exhibition took place, stood on the site now occupied by the Gaiety Theatre.

Advt. "Elephants.--Lately arrived in the Rose East Indiaman, a
most wonderful living Male Elephant, and to be seen in a
commodious room, over Exeter Change, in the Strand. Admittance 1s
each. Likewise is lately added to the Grand Menageries, as above,
two very singular and most astonishing Kanguroos, male and
female, from Botany Bay. Admittance 1s. Also, just arrived, and
to be seen in a commodious apartment, under the Great Room, as
above, three stupendous living Pelicans of the Wilderness, two
males and a female. Admittance 1s. The three Exhibitions may be
viewed for 2s 6d. each person. Foreign Birds and Beasts bought,
sold, &c., by G. Pidcock."--(_Times, May 22, 1794._)

* * * * *