Chapter VI: Act I: Curtain rises upon a RECRUITING SERGEANT singing an

unintelligible song to an admiring group of recruits, consisting of six girls with commendable ankles, and several supes of average awkwardness. The song ended the recruits retire, and the_ SERGEANT _sits down to drink with_ ROBERT ARNOLD, _a virtuous locksmith. Enter_ SILAS GARRETT.

SILAS. "I will pretend to be drunk. There is no reason why I should, but still it's a good bit of business." _Staggers and falls on_ ARNOLD.

ARNOLD. "Wretched being! He deserves nothing, and I will therefore give him my last half-crown. Now, SERGEANT, I will enlist. Let us go and sing more unintelligible songs." _They go. Enter_ MRS. ARMITAGE.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "I am starving. My child has eaten nothing for years. Oh, sir, give me something!"

SILAS. "Not I. Go and work. Don't touch me; you look as if you had been riding in a street car." _Rushes away as though pursued by the wicked flea_.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "There is no hope. I will die." _Dies_.

_Enter_ ARNOLD. "Hallo. Do I see a woman? What is the matter, my exhausted friend? Please come to life again!" (_She comes to life_.)

MRS. ARMITAGE. "Neither my child nor I have tasted food for vast and incalculable periods. Help me."

ARNOLD. "I will." (_Helps her home, and rushes out to beg. He successfully strikes a casual supe for five pounds, and remarks_)--"Now she is saved. I will buy a doll for the child. They can make porridge of the internal bran." _He goes for the doll, and_ SILAS _re-enters_.

SILAS. "Here are ARNOLD'S skeleton keys. I will steal them, and rob the man in the opposite house." _Robs him and is pursued by the police_.

_Scene 2d_. MRS. ARMITAGE'S _garret. Enter that interesting and hungry lady_.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "My child is dead; I will die too." (_Dies_.)

_Enter_ ARNOLD. "Here is a doll and other delicacies. Come to life again and eat them." _They come to life and retire to the hall for feasting and revelry. Enter_ SILAS.

SILAS. "The police are after me. There is not a moment to lose. I will therefore stop for an hour and arrange things so as to ensure ARNOLD'S arrest, and will then escape through the scuttle." (_He arranges things and then scuttles away. Enter police, after ten minutes of preliminary howling on the staircase, and discovering_ ARNOLD'S _skeleton keys, arrest him.) Curtain_.

_Everybody in the audience_. "I don't begin to see into the plot yet, but we shall in time."