Chapter I: Finding the Game

The true sportsman in this field is very wary. He casts his optics around him until he finds the bird for which he thinks he had better go. A vast amount of skill can properly be expended here. If the hunter is young and rich, he can go for almost anything; if he is verging towards gray hair and false teeth, he must not demand too much in the way of beauty or money. If he has reached the well-preserved period, he can have youth or beauty, but not wealth. No true sportsman ever goes for brains, because it is almost impossible to find them, and, when found, they are very unsatisfactory.

If the bird is an orphan, examine the books in the Surrogate's office until you find her father's will; if her papa is still alive and kicking, persuade her to take his bank-book into the back kitchen and there count the shekels. Never let your heart get into the mess, for that complicates matters.

If you have a hankering for widows, never run after one who has been in the business more than once. They become so knowing after two or three trials. Besides, there is a fatality about some women--they're bound to be widows. Furthermore, widows have a way of appearing to be loaded down with ducats, when, in reality, they are pawning the late defunct's unmentionables for the means of existence.

Always select young game, if possible, as it is more likely to be tender than that which has been condemned to the wall at numberless parties. Game with freckles, or pimples, or cross eyes, can never be first-class.