Chapter V (2)

I say he had just finished off this little matter, and was varying one or two of the expressions, when a sharp knock at his door announced the arrival of the intelligent grantor of the aforesaid annuity, Mr. Titmouse himself, whose stylish cab was at that moment standing opposite to the entrance to Thavies' Inn, in Holborn, having brought him direct from the House of Commons, whither, however, he was to return by eleven o'clock, till which time he had paired off, in order to enable him to come and consult Mr. Gammon on one or two important matters. Poor Titmouse had conceived, since his memorable interview with Gammon, formerly related, a violent hatred of Mr. Gammon; but which was almost absorbed in his dread of that gentleman, who had such unlimited power over him. The sudden and serious diminution of his income by Gammon's rent-charge, almost turned his head upside-down, and occasioned a pother in his little bosom, which was all the greater for his being unable to admit any sympathizing friend into his confidence. He had become fidgety and irritable to a degree; his countenance and demeanor troubled and depressed; from all which, the more intimate among his brother senators naturally inferred that he had lost large sums at play, or was harassed by his election expenses; or had quarrelled with his mistress, or been found out by his wife; or been kicked, and dared not call out the aggressor; or that some other such accident as frequently happens to young gentlemen of fashion, had befallen him. Now, to be candid with the reader, Titmouse certainly _was_ getting into rather deep water. Formidable creditors were beginning to look somewhat sternly after him from various quarters; his upholsterer was becoming troublesome; his wine-merchant insisted on at least four hundred pounds on account; Messrs. Jimcrack and Nicknack were surprised at having received no payment for sundry expensive articles of jewelry and _vertu_. His coach-maker, his tailor, a host of household creditors, were getting very restless; he had a running account of some £600 or £800 at the _Gliddington_, in respect of his Parliamentary and other dinners at that fashionable establishment; his yacht was a dreadful drain upon him; he had been unfortunate in his sporting speculations; in short, if Gammon had his anxieties, so had Titmouse his. He felt himself getting terribly out at elbows--so much so, that he could no longer give that calm and undivided attention to his Parliamentary duties, which his enlightened constituents had a right to expect at his hands: and in short, the sole occasion of his calling on Gammon, was to see if that gentleman could devise some mode of once more replenishing his empty coffers--a further mortgage on the Yatton property being the exact mode of doing so, which he was about to propose to Gammon. It required some tact, however, as he felt, to broach that subject in the present position of affairs; so he avowed that he had called to see if _Mr. Gammon's deeds were ready for signing_--as he, Titmouse, was anxious to get it off his mind. Time was very precious with Mr. Gammon; he therefore lost not a moment in plucking aside the thin disguise of Titmouse, and discovering the real object of his visit. Mr. Gammon looked very serious indeed, on hearing the account of Titmouse's prodigal expenditure, and remonstrated with him earnestly, and even authoritatively; but it instantly occurred to him--could there possibly be a better opportunity for broaching the subject of the two promissory notes?

"My dear Titmouse," said he, with great kindness of manner, "notwithstanding all I have felt it my duty to say, I do sincerely wish it were in my power to serve you in this emergency. But we really must spare old Yatton for a little--you've sadly burdened her already;--we shall be killing the goose to get at the golden egg, if we don't mind what we're about!"

"----! But what the devil's to be _done_, Mr. Gammon? For, 'pon my soul, I'm most _particular_ hard up, and _something_ must be done."

"We must bethink ourselves of our other resources, my dear Titmouse!--let us see"--he paused, with his hand resting on his forehead for a few moments--"Oh! by the way--certainly," he added suddenly--"but no! it's a thousand pities; but my word is pledged."

"Eh? what? does anything strike you, Gammon?--'Pon my life, what is it?" inquired Titmouse, pricking up his ears.

"Why, yes, certainly," replied Gammon, musingly--adding, as if he did not intend Titmouse to hear him, "to be sure, it would put ten thousand--nay, with the interest, nearly eleven"----

"The devil it would! _What_ would? My stars, Mr. Gammon!" exclaimed Titmouse, eagerly--"Do let us know what it is!"

"Why, I was certainly thinking, at the moment," replied Gammon, with a sigh, "of that poor devil Aubrey's two notes for £5,000 a-piece and interest."

Titmouse's face suddenly fell. "Oh Lord! Is that all? Hang the fellow--he's a beggar--squeezed dry--nothing more to be got out of him!" he exclaimed with mingled chagrin and contempt. "A'n't worth powder and shot! Blood from a stone!--won't have anything worth taking this ten years to come!"

"Poor fellow!" quoth Gammon.

"'Pon my soul, Gammon, it's _me_ you may say that of, I rather think!"

"Why," said Gammon, glancing rather keenly at Titmouse, "my first and greatest duty on earth, my dear Titmouse, is to _you_--to look after, to secure your interests; and candor compels me to say, that, whatever may be my feelings towards that unfortunate person, still, I think, you've only to squeeze _him_ pretty hard, and blood would come from _other_ people. Eh! you understand?"

"By Jove!--Indeed!--No! But would it really? How?--Squeeze away, then, and be----! Please bring an action against the fellow, the first thing in the morning! Put him in jail, and he'll get the money, I'll warrant him! Dem the fellow! why don't he pay his debts? It's devilish hard on _me_, a'n't it? Didn't I forgive him forty thousand pounds? By the way, I'd forgot there's the other ten thousand that Lord De la Zouch is surety for--when do we touch that?"

"Oh! we've taken a bond for _that_, which will not fall due before--let me see--the 24th of next January."

"'Pon my soul, what a cursed bore! But can't one do anything with it before then?"

"What! Sue on it before it's due?"

"No--egad! I mean, raise the wind on it. Surely Lord De la Zouch's name is"----

"Whew!" thought Gammon, "that stroke certainly had never occurred to me!--Ay, he's right, the little fool! Old Fang will advance £8,000 or £9,000, or more even--I'll see to it, by Jove!" Then he said aloud--"It may be possible, certainly, my dear Titmouse; but I see very great obstacles in the way."

"Some cussed law point--eh?"

"Yes--but I assure you I will turn my best attention to it," he added; and proceeded to bring back Titmouse to the point at which he had started off. "And speaking of poor Aubrey--it's certainly true that you have been, I may say, extravagantly liberal to him--forbearing beyond example; and I can't think that any one can be expected, when he knows a wave of his hand will put some eleven thousand pounds into his pocket, to stand by idle forever! It is not in human nature"----

"No; 'pon my life it isn't," quoth Titmouse, with a puzzled air, quite unable to make out whether Gammon intended to favor or discourage the notion of immediately proceeding against Aubrey; which Gammon observing, he continued--"At all events I should say, that if you consider that your own necessities"--

"Demme! I should think so!" interposed Titmouse.

"Required it--and, as you very properly observed, _you_ are the best judge; certainly"----he paused; surely--thought he--Titmouse _now_ saw his drift!

"Yes--'pon my soul!" exclaimed Titmouse.

"Why, in that case, it is only due to myself to say _I_ can be no party to it: I have had to bear enough already that was due to others; and since I have solemnly pledged my word of honor to Mr."----

"What the devil _do_ you mean, Gammon? Cuss me, if I can make you out a bit!" interrupted Titmouse, snappishly.

"You misunderstand me, my dear Titmouse! Once for all, I say, if you want the money, you must immediately sue on these notes; and my opinion is, you'll succeed--only, I _must not appear in it_, you know! But if you do choose to employ some other solicitor--there's that Mr. Spitfire, for instance--to _compel_ me to give up the notes."

"Oh Lord! Honor! No, no!--So bless me Heaven! I didn't mean anything of the kind," cried Titmouse, alarmedly, fearful of offending Gammon, who could scarcely conceal his impatience and disgust at the stupidity of Titmouse.

"I cannot make you understand me, Titmouse! What I mean is, it is my duty not to let my feelings interfere with your interests. I now, therefore, recommend you--since you have suggested the thing--immediately to put yourself into the hands--as far as this little business is concerned--of some other solicitor, say Mr. Spitfire, in Scorpion Court; and whatever he advises you to do--_do_ without hesitation. You will probably tell him that, if he demands the two notes on your behalf, I may, for form's sake, resist: but I know I shall be ordered to give them up! Well--I can't help it!"

"Honor now, Gammon! May I do as I like?" inquired Titmouse, stupidly.

"Honor!"

"And you won't be angry? Not a bit! eh?"

"On my sacred word of honor!" replied Gammon, solemnly, placing his hand on his breast.

"Then fire away, Flannagan!" cried Titmouse, joyfully snapping his fingers. "By Jove, here goes! Here's for a jolly squeeze! Aha! Ten thousand drops of blood!--by Jove, he'll bleed to death! But, by the way, what will Mr. Quirk say?"

"Curse Mr. Quirk!" cried Gammon, impatiently; "you know the course you are to pursue--you are your own master, surely? What has Mr. Quirk to do with you, when I allow you to act in this way?"

"To be sure! Well! here's a go! Wasn't it a lucky thought of mine to come here to-night? But don't you forget the other ten thousand--the two make twenty thousand, by Jove! I'm set up again--aha! And as soon as ever the House is up, if I don't cut away in my span-new yacht, with a lot of jolly chaps, to the East Indies, or some _other_ place that'll take us a good six weeks, or so, to go and come back in. Hollo! Is that eleven o'clock striking?" he inquired with a start, taking out his watch; "It is, by Jove! and my pair's up; they'll be dividing--I'm off! Good-night."

"You remember where Mr. Spitfire lives'!" said Gammon, anxiously. "In Scorpion Court, Strand. I must say he's one of the most respectable men in the profession; and _so_ quick!"

"Ah--I remember! I'll be with him the moment after breakfast!" replied Titmouse: Gammon shook him by the hand--feeling, when he had shut both his doors, as if he had been playing with an ape. "Oh, thou indefinable and undiscoverable principle regulating human affairs!" thought he, falling into a revery, a bitter scowl settling on his strongly-marked features; "of what nature soever thou art, and if any such there really be, what conceivable purpose canst thou have had in view in placing this execrable idiot and ME, in our relative positions?" He pursued this line of reflection for some time, till he had got into a far more melancholy and misanthropical humor than he had ever before fallen into--till, recollecting himself, and with a deep sigh, he rang for a fresh supply of coffee from his drowsy laundress; and then exerted himself vigorously till nearly five o'clock in the morning, at which hour he sank, exhausted, into bed.

During the ensuing day, sure enough, he received a communication signed "_Simeon Spitfire_," and dated from "_Scorpion Court_," informing him that its respectable writer "was instructed to apply to him, on the part of Mr. Titmouse, for the immediate delivery up of two promissory notes for £5,000 each, given by one Charles Aubrey to the aforesaid Titmouse," and "begging Mr. Gammon's immediate attention thereto." Gammon instantly copied out and sent an answer which he had carefully prepared beforehand--taking very high ground indeed, but slipping in, with a careful inadvertence, an encouraging admission of the strict _legal_ right of Mr. Spitfire's client. 'T was, in short, a charming letter--showing its writer to be one of the most fastidiously high-minded men living; but producing not the least favorable effect upon the mind of Mr. Spitfire, who instantly forwarded a formal and peremptory demand of the two documents in question. Gammon wrote a second letter, alluding to an unguarded (!) admission made in his former communication, which he most devoutly hoped would not be used against him; and in terms of touching and energetic eloquence, reasserted that, though the letter of the law might be against him, he conceived that, in point of honor, and indeed of justice, he was warranted in adhering to the solemn promise which he had made to a gentleman for whom he entertained the most profound respect; and, in short, he flatly refused to give up the instruments demanded! Irrepressible was the exultation of Mr. Spitfire, on finding himself getting so much the better of so astute a person as Mr. Gammon! and he took an opportunity of showing to every one who came to his little office, how Mr. Gammon had laid himself open to the superior tactics of him--the aforesaid Mr. Spitfire!--He then, with profound astuteness, wrote a fine flourishing letter to wind up the correspondence, and stick into an affidavit; in the course of which he apprised Mr. Gammon that the Court of King's Bench would be immediately applied to, for a rule calling upon him, forthwith, to deliver up the documents in question. On this, Mr. Gammon drew up an imposing and admirable affidavit, setting forth all the correspondence; and, as soon as he had been served with the rule _nisi_, he instructed Sir Charles Wolstenholme, (the late Attorney-General,) Mr. Sterling, and Mr. Crystal, to "_show cause_" against it; knowing, of course, quite as well as did counsel, with whom he did not think it necessary to hold a consultation, (for fear they should press him to give up the promissory notes without showing cause,) that there was no earthly chance of successfully resisting the rule.--When he took his seat under Sir Charles, just before that learned person rose to show cause, he touched Mr. Gammon on the shoulder, and very warmly complimented him on the highly honorable and friendly feeling which he had manifested towards the unfortunate Mr. Aubrey; but "feared that the case, as far as the legal merits went, was too plain for argument;--but he had looked with unusual care over the affidavits on which the rule had been obtained, and at the _form_ of the rule itself--and rejoiced to say he felt confident that he should be able to discharge it with costs:"--at which Mr. Gammon turned suddenly pale--with joyous surprise, as Sir Charles imagined--he not knowing Gammon so well as we do!--The reader is now in a position to appreciate the following report of what took place--and (_inter nos_) which said report had been drawn up for the _Morning Growl_, by Mr. Gammon himself.

COURT OF KING'S BENCH. Yesterday.

(_Sittings in Banco._)

_Ex parte_ TITMOUSE.

"This was a rule, obtained by Mr. SUBTLE on a previous day of the
term, calling upon Mr. Gammon, of the firm of Quirk, Gammon, and
Snap, of Saffron Hill, Hatton Garden, to show cause why he should
not forthwith deliver up to Mr. Titmouse, M. P. for Yatton, two
promissory notes, each for the payment, on demand to that
gentleman, of £5,000, with interest, by Charles Aubrey. Sir CHARLES
WOLSTENHOLME, Mr. STERLING, and Mr. CRYSTAL, now appeared to show
cause--and took a preliminary objection to the form of the rule.
After a very long discussion, the Court decided that the rule might
be moulded so as to meet the facts of the case, and directed cause
to be shown on the merits.

"From the affidavits filed in answer to the rule, it appeared that,
shortly after the termination of the late important case of _Doe
dem. Titmouse_ v. _Jolter_, (in which, it will be recollected, the
lessor of the plaintiff succeeded in establishing his right to very
large estates in Yorkshire,) Mr. Gammon had been very active in
endeavoring to effect an amicable arrangement concerning the mesne
profits; and, after great exertions, had persuaded his client Mr.
Titmouse to enter into an arrangement highly advantageous to Mr.
Aubrey--who was to be released, (as we understood,) from no less a
sum than Sixty Thousand Pounds, due in respect of the mesne
profits, on giving the two promissory notes which were the subject
of the present application. It further appeared, that on obtaining
Mr. Aubrey's signature to these promissory notes, Mr. Gammon had
explicitly and repeatedly assured him that he need be under no
apprehension of being called on for payment for several years; but
that the notes should remain in the hands of Mr. Gammon, and should
not be put in suit till after a twelvemonth's notice should have
been given to Mr. Aubrey. It did not distinctly appear whether Mr.
Titmouse was ever made aware of this understanding between Mr.
Gammon and Mr. Aubrey--at all events, nothing had ever passed in
writing upon the subject. Mr. Gammon, on the contrary, frankly
admitted it to be _possible_ that Mr. Titmouse might have been
under the impression, while surrendering so great a claim against
Mr. Aubrey, that the sum secured by the two promissory notes was to
have been before this time liquidated. There was no affidavit made
on the subject by Mr. Aubrey. It also appeared that Mr. Titmouse
had not hitherto received any portion of the large amount, £20,000,
yet due in respect of the mesne profits. The affidavits read by
the Attorny-General set forth a correspondence which had taken
place between Mr. Titmouse's solicitor and Mr. Gammon, in which the
latter insisted, in the most strenuous terms, upon the _honorable_
engagement under which he conceived himself to be to Mr. Aubrey,
and solemnly declared his belief that Mr. Aubrey was under a
similar impression; at the same time, there were expressions in Mr.
Gammon's letters, from which it was plain that he was aware of the
right, in point of strict law, of Mr. Titmouse, to the documents in
question. It also appeared from the affidavits of Mr. Titmouse, and
was not denied by those of Mr. Gammon, that the former had
repeatedly urged the latter to deliver up the notes, or commence
proceedings against Mr. Aubrey--but that Mr. Gammon had, on all
such occasions previous to the present one, succeeded in dissuading
him from his purpose. It had, moreover, been alleged on behalf of
Mr. Titmouse, that Mr. Gammon was acting in collusion with Mr.
Aubrey to defeat the just claim of Mr. Titmouse; but this Sir
Charles Wolstenholme indignantly disclaimed on the part of Mr.
Gammon, whose conduct throughout showed the nicest sense of honor,
and the utmost possible anxiety to interfere between an unfortunate
gentleman and utter ruin. But,

"The COURT, without calling on Mr. SUBTLE, (with whom were Mr.
GOOSE and Mr. MUD,) said the rule must clearly be made absolute.
The legal right of Mr. Titmouse to the notes was admitted by Mr.
Gammon's own affidavit; and there was no pretence for holding that,
as against Mr. Titmouse, Mr. Gammon, who was only _one_ of that
gentleman's attorneys, had any right to withhold the documents in
question. No authority from Mr. Titmouse to Mr. Gammon to make the
alleged representations to Mr. Aubrey, had been shown, and
consequently that gentleman could in no way be bound by them. He
was not even shown to have been aware of them. It was not pretended
that Mr. Gammon, or any of his partners, had any lien on the notes,
which must be therefore given up to Mr. Titmouse. With respect to
the imputation against Mr. Gammon, of being in collusion with Mr.
Aubrey, Lord Widdrington added, that from what his Lordship himself
knew of Mr. Aubrey, it was impossible for a moment to imagine him
capable of anything inconsistent with the strictest honor; and that
Mr. Gammon's conduct showed that, though mistaken as to the extent
of his power over the notes intrusted to him, he had acted from the
purest motives, and evinced an honorable anxiety to serve the
interests of one whom he believed to be unfortunate.--The rule was
then made absolute; but on Mr. Subtle applying for the costs, the
remainder of the day was occupied in an elaborate discussion upon
the question--which, however, was eventually referred to the
Master."

Nor was this all. The intelligent editor of the _Morning Growl_, happening to cast his eye over the above, while lying in proofs, made it the subject of an eloquent leading article, in which were contained many just and striking reflections on the continual inconsistency between law (as administered in England) and justice--of which the present--he said--was a glaring instance. It was truly lamentable--it seemed--to find truth and honor, generosity and justice, all sacrificed to the wretched technicalities, the petty quirks and quibbles, of the law--which required a radical reform. Indeed, the whole system of our jurisprudence called for the most searching revision, which, he hoped, would ere long take place. Then followed some powerful animadversions upon the conduct of Lord Widdrington, in giving effect to such pettifogging subterfuges as had that day served plainly to defeat the ends of justice; and the article concluded by calling upon us Lordship to resign his seat on the bench! and make way for a more liberal and enlightened successor, who would decide every case that came before him, according to the dictates of natural equity and common sense, without being trammelled by such considerations as at present fettered and impeded the due administration of justice. It did so happen, _inter nos_, that this same incompetent Lord Widdrington had called down upon himself and his court the foregoing philippic, by having imposed a smart fine upon the publisher of the _Morning Growl_, and super-added a twelvemonth's imprisonment, for an execrable libel upon an amiable and dignified ecclesiastic; and this, too, his Lordship had done, after overruling an almost interminable series of frivolous and vexatious technical objections to the proceedings, urged by the defendant's counsel, in conformity with the instructions which he had received, to take every possible advantage.