Chapter X (1)

The reader may possibly bear in mind that Mr. Titmouse had established his right to succeed to the Yatton property, then enjoyed by Mr. Aubrey, by making out to the satisfaction of the jury, on the trial at York, that he, the aforesaid Mr. Titmouse, was descended from an elder branch of the Aubrey family; that there had existed an unsuspected female descendant of Stephen Dreddlington, the elder brother of Geoffrey Dreddlington, through whom Mr. Aubrey derived his claim to the succession; and that this obscure female descendant had left issue equally obscure and unsuspected--viz. Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse--to whom _our_ friend Titmouse was shown to be heir-at-law. In fact, it had been made out in open court, by clear and satisfactory evidence, _First_, that the aforesaid Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse was the direct descendant, through the female line, of Stephen Dreddlington; _Secondly_, had been shown the marriage of Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse; _Thirdly_, the birth of Tittlebat Titmouse, the first, and indeed the only issue of that marriage. All these were not only proved, but unquestionable facts; and from them, as far as _descent_ went, the preferable right of Titmouse to that of Aubrey, resulted as an inevitable inference, and the verdict went accordingly. But as soon as, owing to the happy and invaluable suggestion of the Attorney-General, a rigid inquiry had been instituted, _on the spot_, whence the oral and documentary evidence had been obtained by Mr. Gammon--an inquiry conducted by persons infinitely more familiar with such matters than common lawyers, those acute and indefatigable inquisitors succeeded in making the following remarkable discovery. It was found that the two old witnesses who had been called to prove that part of the case, on the trial, had since died--one of them very recently. But in pushing their inquiries, one or two other old witnesses were met with who had _not_ been called by Mr. Gammon, even if he had been aware of their existence; and one of these, an old man, while being closely interrogated upon another matter, happened to let fall some expressions which startled the person making minutes of the evidence; for he spoke of Mr. Titmouse's mother under three different names, _Gubbins_, _Oakley_, and _Johnson_. Now, the proof of the trial had been simply the marriage of Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse, by bans, to Janet Johnson, _spinster_. Either, then, both the witnesses must be mistaken as to her having had other names, or there must be some strange mystery at the bottom of it--and so it at length turned out. This woman's maiden name had been Gubbins; then she had married a rope-maker, of the name of Oakley, in Staffordshire, but had separated from him, after two or three years' quarrelsome cohabitation, and gone into Yorkshire, where she had resided for some time with an aunt--in fact, no other person than old Blind Bess! She had subsequently become acquainted with Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse; and to conceal the fact of her previous marriage--her husband being alive at the time--she was married to Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse under the name of "_Johnson_." Two years afterwards, this exemplary female died, leaving an only child, Tittlebat Titmouse. Shortly afterwards his father came up to London, bringing with him his little son--and some five years subsequently died, leaving one or two hundred pounds behind him for the bringing up of Tittlebat decently--a duty undertaken by a distant relative of his father, and who had been dead some years. Of course, Titmouse, at the time when he was first presented to the reader, knew no more than did the dead of his being in any way connected with the distinguished family of the Aubreys in Yorkshire; nor of the very unpleasant circumstances attending his mother's marriage, with which the reader has just been made acquainted. Nothing can be easier than to conceive how Mr. Gammon might have been able, even if acquainted with the true state of the facts, to produce an impregnable case in court, by calling, with judgment, only that evidence which was requisite to show the marriage of Titmouse's father with Janet Johnson--viz. an examined copy of an entry in the parish register of Grilston; of the fact of the marriage under the names specified; and some other slight evidence of the identity of the parties. How was the Attorney-General, or any one advising him, to have got at the mystery attending the name of "Johnson," in the absence of suspicion pointed precisely at that circumstance? The defendant in an action of ejectment is necessarily in a great measure in the dark as to the evidence which will be adduced against him, and must fight it as it is presented to him in court; and the plaintiff's attorney is generally better advised than to bring into court witnesses who may be able, if pressed, to disclose more than is necessary or desirable!

The way in which Mr. Gammon became acquainted with the true state of the matter, was singular. While engaged in obtaining and arranging the evidence in support of the plaintiff's case, under the guidance of Mr. Lynx's opinion, Mr. Gammon stumbled upon a witness who dropped one or two expressions, which suddenly reminded him of two little documents which had been some time before put into his possession without his having then attached the least importance to them. He was so disturbed at the coincidence, that he returned to town that very night to inspect the papers in question. They had been obtained by Snap from old Blind Bess: in fact, (_inter nos_,) he had purloined them from her on one of the occasions of his being with her in the manner long ago described, having found them in an old Bible which was in a still older canvas bag; and they consisted of, first, a letter from one James Oakley to his wife, informing her that he was dying, and that, having heard she was living with another man, he exhorted her to leave her wicked courses before _she_ died; secondly, a letter from one Gabriel Tittlebat Titmouse to his wife, reproaching her with drunkenness and loose conduct, and saying that she knew as well as he did, that he could transport her any day he liked;[17] therefore she had better mind what she was about. This letter was written in the county jail, whither he had been sent for some offence against the game-laws. Old Blind Bess had been very feeble when her niece came to live with her; and, though aware of her profligate conduct, had never dreamed of the connection between the great family at the Hall and her niece's child. These were the two documents which Mr. Titmouse had destroyed, on Gammon's having intrusted them for a moment into his hands!--Though I do not attach so much importance to them as Mr. Gammon did--since I cannot see how they could have been made available evidence for any purpose contemplated by Gammon--I am not surprised at _his_ having done so. They were infinitely too dangerous documents to admit of his taking the opinion of counsel upon; he therefore kept them entirely to himself, as also the discovery to which they led, not trusting his secret, even to either of his partners. Before the case had come into court, Mr. Gammon had been in possession of the facts now laid for the first time before the reader--contemplating, even then, the use to be thereafter made of the prodigious power he should have become possessed of, in aid of his own personal advancement. Thus was Titmouse base-born indeed--in fact, doubly illegitimate; for, first, his mother had been guilty of bigamy in marrying his father; and, secondly, even had that not been so, her marrying under a false name[18] had been sufficient to make the marriage utterly void, and equally of course to bastardize her issue.

Such, then, was the damning discovery effected by the ecclesiastical commission, and which would by-and-by blazon to the whole world the astounding fact, that this doubly base-born little wretch had been enabled, by the profound machinations of Mr. Gammon, not only to deprive Mr. Aubrey of the Yatton estates, but also to intermarry with the Lady Cecilia, the last of the direct line of the noble Dreddlingtons and Drelincourts--to defile the blood, and blight the honor, of perhaps the oldest and the proudest of the nobility of England. Upon Mr. Gammon, it lit like a thunderbolt. For many hours he seemed to have been utterly crushed and blasted by it. His faculties appeared paralyzed. He was totally incapable of realizing his position--of contemplating the prodigious and appalling consequences which must inevitably and almost immediately ensue upon this discovery of his secret. He lay upon the sofa the whole night without closing his eyes, or having moved a muscle since he had thrown himself down upon it. His laundress came in with his bed-candle, trimmed the lamp, stirred the fire, and withdrew, supposing him asleep. The fire went out--then the lamp--and when, about eight o'clock the next morning, his laundress reappeared, he still lay on the sofa; and a glimpse of his pale and haggard face alarmed her greatly, and she went for a medical man before he was aware of her having done so. On her returning, and informing him of what she had done, it roused him from his lethargy, and, starting from the sofa, he desired her to go back and request the medical man not to come, as it was unnecessary. Heaving profound sighs, he proceeded to his dressing-room, got through his toilet, and then sat down to the breakfast-table, and for the first time made a very powerful effort to address his thoughts steadily to the awful nature of the emergency into which he was driven. Mr. Quod soon after made his appearance.

"This is a _very--very--ugly business_, Mr. Gammon!" quoth he, with a gloomy countenance. "I look upon it there's an end to the suit--eh?"

"It is not likely that we shall stir further, certainly," replied Mr. Gammon, with a desperate effort to speak calmly: then there was a pause.

"And I should think the matter can't end _here_," presently added Mr. Quod. "With such evidence as this, of course they'll attack Yatton!"

"Then I am prepared to resist them," said Gammon; convinced in his own mind that the sole object of Mr. Quod's visit was to see after the payment of his bill--a reasonable anxiety, surely, considering the untoward issue of the proceedings.

"How could all this have escaped _me_, in getting up the case for the trial?" said Gammon, after a while, darting an anxious and furtive glance at his companion.

"Ay--I hope this will teach you common-law fellows that there's a trick or two worth knowing at Doctor's Commons!" replied Mr. Quod. "D'ye remember what I told you at starting?--How was it, d'ye say, you couldn't find it out? No one could, till we did!--But, by the way, do we fight anymore in the cause? Because we must decide at once--it's no use, I should say, going to the expense of a hearing"----

"I will give you an answer in the course of the day, Mr. Quod," replied Gammon, with an air of repressed fury; and succeeded in getting rid of his matter-of-fact but anxious visitor for the present; and then reperused the whole of the evidence, and considered within himself, as well as he was able, what course he ought to pursue. He had need, truly, to do so; for he very shortly found that he had to deal with an enemy in Mr. Runnington--uncompromising and unrelenting--whose movements were equally prompt, vigorous, and skilful. That gentleman, following up his blow, and acting under the advice of Sir Charles Wolstenholme, who had just returned to town for the commencement of the legal year--viz. Michaelmas Term--first of all gave notice, through Mr. Pounce, of his intention to proceed with the suit for administration; but found that the enemy in that quarter had struck; Mr. Quod formally notified his abandonment of opposition on the part of Mr. Titmouse. So far so good. Mr. Runnington's next step was to go down into Staffordshire and Yorkshire, accompanied by Mr. Pounce, and by his own experienced confidential clerk, in order to ascertain still more distinctly and conclusively the nature of the evidence which was in existence impeaching the legitimacy of Mr. Titmouse. His inquiries were so satisfactory, that, within a week of his return to town, he had caused an action of ejectment to be brought for the recovery of the whole of the Yatton property; and copies of the "Declaration" to be served on Mr. Titmouse, and on every tenant in possession upon the estate. Then he served notices on them, calling upon each and every one of them not to pay rent in future to any one except Charles Aubrey, Esquire, or his agents by him lawfully appointed; and caused a formal demand of the title-deeds of the estate to be forthwith made upon Mr. Titmouse, Messrs. Bloodsuck and Son, and Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap; and also advertisements to be inserted in the newspapers, to caution all persons against advancing money on mortgage or on other security of the Yatton property, "formerly in possession of, and now claimed by, Charles Aubrey, Esq., but at present wrongfully held by Tittlebat Titmouse, Esq., M.P., and for the recovery of which an action of ejectment has been commenced, and is now pending;" and also from advancing money "on the faith or security of a certain bond conditioned in the penalty of £20,000 for the payment to Tittlebat Titmouse of £10,000, with interest, on or before the 24th day of January next, and dated the 26th July, 18--, and signed by Lord De la Zouch and Charles Aubrey, Esq., the same having been obtained by undue means, and on a false and fraudulent pretence of money being due from the said Charles Aubrey, Esq., to the aforesaid Tittlebat Titmouse." These advertisements, and certain paragraphs relating to the same matter, which found their way into the newspapers, to the consternation of Gammon, came under the eye of the Duke of Tantallan, and struck him dumb with dismay and horror at so decisive and public a corroboration of his worst fears. A similar effect they produced upon Miss Macspleuchan, who, however, succeeded in keeping them for some time from the observation of the unfortunate Earl of Dreddlington. But there were certain other persons in whom these announcements produced an amazing degree of consternation; viz. three Jewish gentlemen, MORDECAI GRIPE, MEPHIBOSHETH MAHAR-SHALAL-HASH-BAZ, and ISRAEL FANG, who were at present the depositaries of Mr. Titmouse's title-deeds, with a lien upon them, as they had fondly imagined, to the extent of nearly seventy thousand pounds--that being the amount of money they had advanced, in hard cash, to Mr. Titmouse, upon mortgage of his Yatton estates. The last of these unfortunate gentlemen--old Mr. Fang--had advanced no less a sum than twenty thousand pounds. He had been the first applied to, and had most fortunately taken a collateral security for the whole sum advanced; viz. a bond--the bond of our old friend, "THOMAS TAG-RAG, draper and mercer, of No. 375 Oxford Street, and Satin Lodge, Clapham, in the county of Surrey." As soon as ever the dismayed Israelite, by his attorney, had ascertained, by inquiry at the office of Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap--where all was confusion--that there really was a claim set up to the whole of the estates, on behalf of him who had been so recently and suddenly dispossessed of them, he exclaimed in an ecstasy, "Oh, ma Got! oh, ma _dear_ Got! Shoo Tag-rag! Shoo on the bond! Looshe no time"----and he was obeyed. Terrible to tell, two big bum-bailiffs the next day walked straight into the shop of Mr. Tag-rag, who was sitting in his little closet at the farther end, with his pen in his hand, busily checking some bills just made out, and without the least ceremony or hesitation hauled him off, hardly giving him time to put his hat on, but gruffly uttering in his ear some such astounding words as "Thirty thousand pounds!" He resisted desperately, shouting out for help; on which all the young men jumped over the counters, and seemed to be coming to the rescue! while one or two female customers rushed affrighted into the street. In short, there was a perfect panic in the shop; though the young men merely crowded round, and clamored loudly, without venturing upon a conflict with the two burly myrmidons of the law, who clapped their prize into a coach standing opposite--Mr. Tag-rag frothing at the mouth, and with impassioned gesticulation, protesting that he would have them both transported to Botany Bay on the morrow. They laughed at him good-humoredly, and in due time deposited him safely in the lock-up of Mr. Vice, who, on seeing that he was disposed to be troublesome, thrust him unceremoniously into the large room in which, it may be recollected, Mr. Aubrey had been for a few minutes incarcerated, and left him, telling him he might write to his attorney. There he continued for a long while in a state bordering on frenzy. Indeed, he must have fancied that the devil had made it, just then, his particular business to worry and ruin _him_; for what do you think had happened to him only two days before? an event which had convulsed Clapham to its centre--so much, at least, of Clapham as knew of the existence of the Tag-rags and the Reverend Dismal Horror, his chapel and congregation. That young shepherd of faithful souls having long cherished feelings of ardent fondness towards one gentle lamb in his flock in particular--viz. Tabitha Tag-rag--who was the only child of the wealthiest member of his little church--took upon himself to lead her, nothing loath, a very long and pleasant ramble--in plain English, Mr. Dismal Horror had eloped with the daughter of his head deacon--to the infinite scandal and disgust of his congregation, who forthwith met and deposed him from his pulpit; after which his father-in-law solemnly made his will, bequeathing everything he had to a newly-established Dissenters' college; and the next day--being just about the time that the grim priest of Gretna was forging the bonds of Hymen for the happy and lovely couple before him, Mr. Tag-rag was hauled off in the way which I have mentioned--which two occurrences would have the effect of enabling Mr. Dismal Horror to prove the disinterestedness of his attachment--an opportunity for which he vowed that he panted--inasmuch as he and she had become, indeed, all the world to each other. He must now go into some other line of business, in order to support his fond and lovely wife; and, as for Tag-rag, his pious purposes were frustrated altogether. There was no impeaching the validity of the bond held by the infuriate and inexorable Jew who had arrested him, and who clearly had been no party to any fraud by which--if any--the signature of Mr. Tag-rag had been procured. Mr. Tag-rag's attorney, Mr. Snout, instantly called upon Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, to inquire into the particulars of the astounding transaction by which his client had been drawn into so ruinous a liability--but was very cavalierly treated; for he was informed that Mr. Tag-rag must, in their opinion, have lost his senses--at all events his memory; for that he had most deliberately executed the bond, after its nature had been fully explained to him by Mr. Gammon--and his signature was witnessed and attested in the usual way by a clerk in the office, and also in the presence of all the three partners. On hearing all this--and examining Mr. Amminadab, who stated without any hesitation, as the fact in truth was, that he had been called in specially to witness Mr. Tag-rag's execution of the bond, and had seen and heard him sign,[19] and say he delivered it as his act and deed--Mr. Snout hurried back to his frenzied client, and endeavored, for a long while, with praiseworthy patience, to reason with him; explaining to him the glaring improbability of his version of the affair. This led to very high words indeed between them, and at length Mr. Tag-rag actually spit in his face. Mr. Snout, being a very little man, and unable to resent the vile insult effectually, instantly quitted the room, expressing his firm belief that Mr. Tag-rag was a swindler, and he would no more be concerned for a person of that description. Mr. Tag-rag could not procure bail for so fearful an amount; so he committed an act of bankruptcy, by remaining in prison for three weeks. Down, then, came all his creditors upon him in a heap, especially the Jew; a rattling bankruptcy ensued--the upshot of the whole being--to anticipate, however, a little--that a first and final dividend was declared of three farthings in the pound--for it turned out that friend Tag-rag had been, like many of his betters, _speculating_ a great deal more than any one had had the least idea of. I ought, however, to have mentioned that, as soon as he had become bankrupt, and his assignees had been appointed, they caused an indictment to be preferred against Mr. Titmouse, and Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, for fraud and conspiracy in obtaining the bond from Mr. Tag-rag; and on the same grounds, made an application, fortified by strong affidavits, to the Lord Chancellor, to strike the last three gentlemen off the rolls. In addition to all this, the two other unfortunate mortgagees, Mordecai Gripe, and Mephibosheth Mahar-shalal-hash-baz--who had no security at all for their advances except the title-deeds of the estate, and the personal covenant of Mr. Titmouse--beset the office in Saffron Hill from morning to night, like frantic fiends, and nearly drove poor old Mr. Quirk out of his senses. Mr. Snap was peremptory and insolent; while Gammon seldom made his appearance--and would see no one at his private residence, pleading serious indisposition.

After anxious reflection, Mr. Gammon did not absolutely despair of extricating himself from the perils with which he was personally environed. As for certain fond hopes of political advancement, after which, indeed, his soul had so long pined, he did not even yet abandon the hope of being able to prevail on his friend at headquarters--to whom he had undoubtedly rendered considerable political services at no little personal risk--to overlook the accident which had befallen him, in the adverse verdict for the bribery penalties, even should he fail in his motion to defeat that verdict in the ensuing term. He had had indeed, a distinct intimation, that--that one obstacle removed--a very important and influential situation under government was within his reach. But, alas! this last overwhelming misfortune--how could he possibly evade or surmount it? What human ingenuity or intrepidity could avail to extricate him from the consequences of his insane avowal to Miss Aubrey--and his counter-statements to the Duke of Tantallan and Miss Macspleuchan--to say nothing of the Earl of Dreddlington? He resolved to risk it--to rely on his own resources, and the chapter of accidents. The mere presence of difficulty strung his nerves to encounter it. He resolved to rely on the impossibility of fixing him directly with a knowledge of the rottenness of Titmouse's pretensions--at all events, till a period considerably subsequent to the trial, and Titmouse's marriage with the Lady Cecilia. It occurred to him, as calculated, moreover, to aid his contemplated movements, if he could find a fair pretext for throwing overboard his partners, especially Mr. Quirk--satisfied that his own uniform caution had prevented him from committing himself to them--or at least had deprived them of means of proving it. He very soon met with an opportunity, of which he promptly availed himself.

Some week or ten days after the commencement of the term, Mr. Quirk was walking down Parliament Street, on his way to the Court of King's Bench, hoping, among other things, to hear the court say whether they would grant or refuse a rule _nisi_ for a new trial, in a certain cause of WIGLEY _v._ GAMMON, which had been moved for on the first day of term by Sir Charles Wolstenholme, and which Lord Widdrington had said the court would take a day or two's time to consider. Mr. Quirk's eye caught the figure of a person, a few steps in advance of him, whom he fancied he had seen before. In a few minutes' time, the old gentleman was covered with a cold perspiration; for in a young man, about thirty years old, decently dressed--thin, sallow, and wearing a very depressed air--Mr. Quirk recognized Mr. STEGGARS--a gentleman whom he had imagined to be at that moment comfortably settled, and for some ten years yet to come and unexpired, at Botany Bay! This was the individual, it may be recollected, whose execrable breach of trust, when a clerk of Mr. Parkinson's at Grilston, had led to Mr. Quirk's discovery of the infirmity in Mr. Aubrey's title. The fact was, that Mr. Steggars had quitted England, as the reader may recollect, horribly disgusted with Mr. Quirk's conduct towards him; and had also subsequently experienced some little remorse on account of his own mean and cruel conduct towards a distinguished gentleman and his family, none of whom had ever given him the slightest pretext for hostility or revenge. He had contrived to make his feelings upon the subject known to an official individual at Botany Bay, who had given him an opportunity of explaining matters fully to the authorities at home--the principal of whom, the Home Secretary--had been, and indeed continued to be, a warm personal friend of Mr. Aubrey's. This minister caused inquiries to be made concerning Steggars' behavior while abroad, which were so satisfactorily answered as to procure a remission of the remainder of his sentence, just as he was entering upon his fourth year's service at Botany Bay. Immediately on his return--which had taken place only a few days before the commencement of Michaelmas Term--he sought out Mr. Aubrey's attorneys, Messrs. Runnington, and put them fully in possession of all the facts of the case, relating to Mr. Quirk's grossly dishonorable conduct in obtaining and acting upon a knowledge of the supposed defect in Mr. Aubrey's title. Upon Mr. Quirk's coming alongside of this gentleman, and looking at him with a most anxious inquisitiveness, he encountered a fearfully significant glance--and then Mr. Steggars, in a very pointed and abrupt manner, crossed over the street for the purpose of avoiding him. Mr. Quirk was so dreadfully disconcerted by this occurrence, that instead of going on to court, where he would have heard Mr. Gammon's rule for a new trial _refused_, he retraced his steps homeward, and arrived at the office just as a clerk was inquiring for him; and who, on seeing him, put into his hands the following startling document, being a _"Rule"_ which had been granted the day before, by the Court of King's Bench:--

"On reading the Affidavit of JONATHAN STEGGARS, the affidavits of
James Parkinson and Charles Runnington, and the paper-writing
marked A, all thereunto annexed, It is ORDERED that Caleb Quirk,
Gentleman, an attorney of this Honorable Court, do, on Wednesday
next, in this present term, show cause why he should not forthwith
deliver up to Charles Aubrey, Esquire, the deeds and documents
specified in the paper-writing thereto annexed, marked A, _and
also, why he should not answer the matters contained in the said
Affidavits_.[20] Upon the motion of Sir Charles Wolstenholme.

"By the Court."

"Oh Lord!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, faintly, and, sinking into his chair, inquired for Mr. Gammon; but, as usual, he had not been at Saffron Hill that day. Giving orders to Mr. Amminadab to have copies taken immediately of the affidavits mentioned in the rule, Mr. Quirk set off for Mr. Gammon's chambers, but missed that gentleman, who he learned, had gone to Westminster. The next day Mr. Gammon called at the office, but Mr. Quirk was absent; on going, however, into the old gentleman's room, Mr. Gammon's eye lit on the above-mentioned "rule," and also on the affidavits upon which it had been granted. Having hurriedly glanced over them, he hastily replaced them on the desk, as he had found them, and repaired to his own room, greatly flustered--resolved to wait for Mr. Quirk's arrival, and appear to be informed by him, for the first time, of the existence of the aforesaid formidable documents. While he was really buried in a revery, with his head resting on one hand and a pen in the other, his countenance miserably pale and harassed, Mr. Quirk burst hastily into his room with the rule and affidavits in his hand.

"Oh Lord, Gammon! How are you, Gammon?" he stuttered. "Haven't seen you this age!--Where have you been? How are you, eh?" and he grasped very cordially the cold hand of Mr. Gammon, which did not return the pressure.

"I am not very well, Mr. Quirk; but--you seem agitated!--Has anything fresh hap"----

"Fresh?--Ecod, my dear Gammon! Fresh, indeed! Here's a _new_ enemy come into the field!--D----d if I don't feel going mad!--Look, Gammon, look!"--and he placed the rule and affidavits in Mr. Gammon's hands, and sat down beside him.

"What!--_Answer the matters in the affidavit?_" quoth Gammon, amazedly.--"Why, what have you been doing, Mr. Quirk? And--who upon earth is--_Jonathan Steggars_?"

"Who's Steggars!" echoed Mr. Quirk, stupidly.

"Yes, Mr. Quirk--_Steggars_. Who is he?" repeated Gammon, intrepidly.

"Steggars, you know--Gammon! You recollect Steggars, of course--eh?" inquired Mr. Quirk, with an apprehensive stare--"Steggars; _Steggars_--you know! eh? You don't recollect! Oh, botheration! Come, come, Gammon!"

"Who is he?" again inquired Gammon, somewhat sternly.

"Oh Lud! oh Lud! oh Lud!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, despairingly--"What _are_ you after, Gammon? You don't intend--it can't be--that you're going to--eh?--It's Steggars, you know--we defended him, you know--and he got transported for embezzling that mortgage money of Mr. Parkinson's. You recollect how we got hold of Mr. Aubrey's story from him?" While Mr. Quirk was saying all this with feverish impetuosity, Mr. Gammon appeared to be, for the first time, glancing eagerly over the affidavits.

"Why--good heavens, Mr. Quirk!" said he, presently, with a start--"is it possible that these statements can have the slightest foundation in fact?"

"Ay, drat it--that _you_ know as well as I do, Gammon," replied Mr. Quirk, with not a little eagerness and trepidation--"Come, come, it's rather late in the day to sham Abraham just now, friend Gammon!"

"Do you venture, Mr. Quirk, to stand there, and deliberately charge me with being a party to the grossly dishonorable conduct of which you are here accused upon oath--which, indeed, you admit yourself to have been guilty of?"

"D----d if I don't, Master Gammon!" replied Mr. Quirk, slapping his hand on the table after a long pause, in which he looked completely confounded and aghast. "Why, you'll want, by-and-by, to persuade me that my name isn't Caleb Quirk--why, zounds! you'll drive me mad! You're gone mad yourself--you must be!"

"How dare you insult me, sir, by charging me with conniving at your infamous and most unprofessional conduct?"

"Why--come!" cried Quirk, with a horrible laugh--"You don't know how we first got scent of the whole thing?--Ah, ha! It dropped down from the clouds, I suppose, into our office--oh Lud, Lud, Gammon! it isn't kind to leave an old friend in the lurch at such a pinch as this!"

"I tell you, Mr. Quirk, that I never had the least idea in the world that this wretch Steggars--Faugh! I should have scouted the whole thing! I would rather have retired from the firm!"

"That's it, Gammon! Go on, Gammon! This is uncommonly funny! It is, indeed, aha!" quoth Quirk, trembling violently.

"This is no time for trifling, sir, believe me. Let me tell you thus much, in all candor--that I certainly had, from the first, misgivings as to the means by which you became possessed of this information; but considering our relative situations, I did not feel myself at liberty to press you on the point--Oh, Mr. Quirk, I am really shocked beyond all bounds! What will the profession say of"--

"D---- the profession! What d'ye suppose I must be just now thinking of _you_? Why, you'd make a dog strike its father!"

"I may have been unfortunate, Mr. Quirk--I may have been imprudent; but I have never been dishonorable--and I would not for the whole creation have my name associated with this infernal transac"----

"Come, come--who wanted me to forge a tombstone, Gammon?" inquired Mr. Quirk, glancing very keenly at his friend.

"Wanted you to forge a tombstone, sir!" echoed Gammon, with an astounded air.

"Ay! ay! Forge a tombstone!" repeated Mr. Quirk, dropping his voice, and slapping one hand upon the other.

"Upon my word and honor, Mr. Quirk, I pity you! You've lost your senses!"

"You wanted me to forge a tombstone! D----d if you didn't!"

"You had better go home, Mr. Quirk, and take some physic to clear your head, for I am sure you're going wrong altogether!" said Gammon.

"Oh, Gammon, Gammon! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Come--honor among thieves! Be honest for once"----

"Your conduct is so extraordinary, Mr. Quirk, that I must request you to leave my room, sir"----

"I sha'n't--it's _mine_ too"--quoth Quirk, snapping his fingers with a desperate air.

"Then I will, sir," replied Gammon, with a low bow; and, taking up his hat, moved towards the door.

"You sha'n't, Gammon--you mustn't!" cried Quirk, but in vain--Mr. Gammon had taken his final departure, leaving Mr. Quirk on the very verge of madness. By-and-by he went into Snap's room, who sat there the picture of misery and terror; for whereas it had always seemed to him that he had never been fairly admitted into the confidence of his senior partners in the very important matters which had been going on for the last two years--now that all things were going wrong, he was candidly given credit by Mr. Quirk and Mr. Gammon for having lent a helping hand to everything from the very beginning! In fact, he was frightened out of his wits at the terrible turn which matters were taking. 'T was he who had to stand the brunt of the horrid badgering of the three frenzied Jews; he was included in half-a-dozen indictments for fraud and conspiracy, at the instance of the aforesaid Israelites, and of the assignees of Mr. Tag-rag; and Heaven only could form a notion of what other good things were in store for him! He wondered vastly that they had not contrived to stick _his_ name into the affidavits which had that day come in, and which seemed to have turned Mr. Quirk's head upside down! Conscious, however, of his own innocence, he resolved to hold on to the last, with a view, in the event of the partnership blowing up, of scraping together a nice little practice out of the remnants.

Half recklessly, and half in furtherance of some designs which he was forming, Gammon followed up, on the ensuing morning, his move with Mr. Quirk, by sending to him and to Mr. Snap a formal written notice of his intention to retire from the partnership, in conformity with the provisions of their articles, at the end of a calendar month from the date; and he resolved to take no part at all in the matter to which Mr. Quirk's attention had been so sternly challenged by the Court of King's Bench--leaving Mr. Quirk to struggle through it as best he might.

But what was Mr. Gammon to do?

He could not stir a step in any direction for want of money--getting every hour more and more involved and harassed on this score. The ecclesiastical suit he had given up, and Mr. Quod had instantly sent in his heavy bill, requiring immediate payment--reminding Mr. Gammon that he had pledged himself to see him paid, whatever might be the issue. Here, again, was an action of ejectment, on a tremendous scale, actually commenced, and being vigorously carried on--with evidently unlimited funds at command--for the recovery of every acre of the Yatton property. Was it to be resisted? Where were the funds? Here he was, again, already a defendant in four indictments, charging fraud and conspiracy--proceedings entailing a most destructive expense; and his motion for a new trial, in the action for the bribery penalty having failed, he was now liable to pay, almost instantly, a sum exceeding £3,000 to the plaintiff, for debt and costs. As for the balance of their bill against Mr. Aubrey, that was melting away hourly in the taxing-office; and the probable result would be an action against them, at the suit of Mr. Aubrey, for maliciously holding him to bail. Was it possible, thought Gammon, to make the two promissory notes of Mr. Aubrey available, by discontinuing the actions commenced upon them, and indorsing them over at a heavy discount? He took an opinion upon the point--which was to the effect, that such a step could not _then_ be taken, so as to give any third party a better right against Mr. Aubrey than Mr. Titmouse had. Even had this, however, been otherwise, an unexpected obstacle arose in Mr. Spitfire, who now held Mr. Gammon at arm's length, and insisted on going forward with the actions; but he, in his turn, was, as it were, checkmated by a move of Mr. Runnington's in the Court of Chancery; where he obtained an injunction against proceeding with the actions on the notes, till the result of the pending action of ejectment should have been ascertained; and, in the event of the lessor of the plaintiff recovering, an account taken of the mesne profits which had been received by Mr. Titmouse. No one, of course, would now advance a farthing on mortgage of Mr. Titmouse's interest in the Yatton property; and Mr. Gammon's dearly earned rent-charge of £2,000 a-year had become mere waste parchment, and as such he destroyed it. The advertisements concerning Lord De la Zouch's bond had effectually restrained Mr. Gammon from raising anything upon it; since any one advancing money upon the security of its assignment, must have put it in suit against his Lordship, when due, in the name of Mr. Titmouse, and any answer to an action by him, would of course operate against the party using his name. Mr. Gammon then bethought himself of felling the timber at Yatton; but, as if that step on his part had been anticipated, before they had got down more than a couple of trees at the extremity of the estate, down came an injunction from the Lord Chancellor, and so there was an end of all resources from that quarter. Should he try the experiment of offering to surrender Yatton without the delay and expense of defending the ejectment? He knew he should be laughed at; they must quickly see that he had no funds to fight with, even had he the slightest case to support. Mr. Gammon saw that Mr. Aubrey's position was already impregnable, and the notion of a compromise utterly ridiculous. As for resources of his own, he had none, for he had been exceedingly unfortunate in his dealings in the British and foreign funds, and had suffered severely and unexpectedly through his connection with one or two of the bubble companies of the day. In fact, he was liable to be called upon at any moment for no less a sum than £3,000, and interest, which had been advanced to him on security of a joint and several bond given by himself and Mr. Titmouse; and he lived in daily dread lest the increasing frequency of the rumors to his discredit, should get to the ears of this particular creditor, and precipitate his demand of repayment. To the vexation occasioned by this direct pecuniary embarrassment, and by the impossibility of retrieving himself by a move in any direction--being, in short, in a complete _dead-lock_--were to be added other sources of exquisite anxiety and mortification. To say nothing of the perilous legal and criminal liabilities which he had incurred, the consciousness of his appearing an atrocious liar, and indeed an impostor, in the eyes of the Duke of Tantallan, of the Earl of Dreddlington, of Miss Macspleuchan, of the Aubreys, of _Miss Aubrey_--in fact, of every one who saw or heard of what he had done--stung him almost to madness; considerations of this kind were infinitely more insupportable than all the others by which he was oppressed, put together. And when he reflected that the Lord Chancellor, to whose favorable notice he had ever fondly aspired--and to a considerable extent, successfully--had been put in possession of all the heavy charges made against him, on the score of fraud and conspiracy, by means of the various motions made before his Lordship, and the affidavits by which they were supported, he felt his soul withered within him. In short, it must surely appear, by this time, that the devil had, in his dismal sport, got his friend Mr. Gammon up into a corner.

In like manner Mr. Titmouse had his lesser troubles--for he was all of a sudden reduced very nearly to the verge of literal starvation. His creditors of every kind and degree seemed actuated by the spirit of the law of the Twelve Tables--which, when a debtor was insolvent, permitted his creditors to cut him, bodily, physically, into pieces, in proportion to the respective magnitudes of their claims against him. Actions were commenced against him by the three Jews, on his covenants to repay the principal and interest due on the mortgages; half-a-dozen more were pending against him on bills of exchange and promissory notes, which he had given for various sums of money which had been lent him, though he had no means of proving the fact, on terms of the most monstrous usury. Scarcely was there a single tradesman in town or country with whom he had ever dealt, who had not sued, or was not about to sue him. Every article of furniture both at Yatton and at his lodgings--great or small, cabs, harness, horses--all had disappeared: and, but for the protection afforded to his person by privilege of Parliament, he would have been pounced upon by at least a hundred ravenous and infuriate creditors in an instant, and never been seen or heard of any more, except on the occasion of some feeble and vain cry for relief under the Insolvent Debtors' Act. He had been obliged, on coming up from Yatton, to borrow five pounds from poor Dr. Tatham!--who, though infinitely surprised at the application, and greatly inconvenienced by compliance with it, lent him cheerfully the sum he asked for; Titmouse, the little scamp, pledging himself to enclose the doctor a five-pound note by the first post after his reaching town. That, however, even had he ever intended giving the matter a thought, he could no more have done than he could have sent Dr. Tatham the mitre of the Archbishop of Canterbury; in consequence of which the worthy little doctor was obliged to postpone his long-meditated purchase of a black coat and breeches indefinitely. The morning after Titmouse's return, he betook himself to Saffron Hill, which he reached just as Mr. Quirk and Mr. Snap, deserted by Mr. Gammon, were endeavoring, in great tribulation and terror, to concoct affidavits in answer to those on which the rule in the Court of King's Bench had been obtained. Mr. Amminadab, with a little hesitation, yielded to his importunities, and allowed him to go into Mr. Quirk's room.

"Oh, Lud! Oh, Lud--you--you--you--infernal little villain!" cried out Mr. Quirk, hastily approaching him, pale and stuttering with fury--and, taking him by the collar, turned him out by main force.

"I say!--I say!--Come, sir! I'm a member of"----

"I'll _member_ you, you impostor! Get out with you!--get out!"

"So help me----! I'll go to some other attor"----gasped Titmouse, ineffectually struggling against Mr. Quirk.

"Eugh!--Beast!" exclaimed Snap, who kept by the side of Mr. Quirk, ready to give any assistance which might be requisite.

"What have I----eh?--What have I done--demme!--Come, come--hollo! hands off"----

"If ever--if ever--if ever you dare show your cursed little face here--again"--sputtered Mr. Quirk, trembling with rage.

"This is a breach of privilege!--On my life I'll--I really _will_--I'll complain to the House to-night." By this time he had been forced through the outer passage into the street, and the door closed furiously behind him. A little crowd was instantly collected around him, and he might possibly have thought of addressing it in terms of indignant eloquence, but he was deterred by the approach of a policeman, with a very threatening countenance, and slunk down Saffron Hill in a truly shocking state of mind. Then he hurried to Thavies' Inn, pale as death--and with a tremulous voice inquired for Mr. Gammon; but that gentleman had given special orders to be invariably denied to him. Again and again he called--and was again and again repulsed; and though he lingered on one or two occasions for an hour at least, in order to waylay Mr. Gammon, it was in vain. Letter after letter he sent, but with no better effect; and at length the laundress refused to take them in.

Gammon _dared_ not see Titmouse; not because he feared Titmouse, but himself.

The House of Commons was sitting, unusual as was such an occurrence at that time of the year; but Parliament had been called together on a special urgency, and a very fierce and desperate contest was carrying on between the Opposition and the Ministers, whose very existence was at stake, and almost nightly divisions were melting down their majority, till they were within an ace of being in a positive minority. Under these circumstances, although Mr. Titmouse's position had become a matter of notoriety, and he could no longer exhibit in public even the outside show and trappings of a man of fashion, beyond his mere personal finery, (which had become very precious, because he saw no means of replacing it,) and though he was _cut_, as a matter of course, by every one out of doors, yet he found he had one friend, at least, in his extremity, who scorned to imitate the fickle and perfidious conduct of all around him. That frank and manly individual was no less a person, to his honor be it spoken, than the Secretary of the Treasury--_and whipper-in_--Mr. Flummery; who always spoke to him in the most cordial and confiding manner, and once or twice even asked him to join his dinner-table at Bellamy's. On one of these occasions, Mr. Titmouse resolved to put Mr. Flummery's friendship to the test, and boldly asked for a "_place_." His distinguished friend appeared certainly startled for a moment, and then evidently felt inwardly tickled, as was evinced by a faint twitching at the corners of his mouth. He proceeded, however, in a very confidential manner, to ask Mr. Titmouse as to his familiarity with financial matters; for (in the most sacred confidence) it did so happen that, although no one knew it but himself and one other person, there was sure to be a vacancy in a certain office within a fortnight at farthest; and without saying anything further, Mr. Flummery laid his finger on his lip, and looked steadfastly at Titmouse, who did similarly; and within half an hour's time made one of a glorious majority of four, obtained by the triumphant Ministry. Titmouse was now in excellent spirits concerning his future prospects, and felt that, if he could but contrive to hold on during the fortnight intervening between him and his accession to office, all would be well. He therefore conceived he had nothing to do but apply to some one or two friends, whom he had accommodated with loans, for repayment. But, alas! Mr. O'Doodle acknowledged that his exchequer was empty just then; and Mr. M'Squash said he really fancied he had repaid Mr. Titmouse the hundred pounds which he had lent him, but would look and see. Then Mr. Titmouse ventured to apply to Mr. O'Gibbet--that gentleman being Titmouse's debtor to the tune of some five hundred pounds. He called Mr. Titmouse aside, and in the most delicate and feeling manner intimated the delight it would have afforded him to respond to the call of Mr. Titmouse under ordinary circumstances; but the fact was, he felt placed in a most painfully embarrassing position, on account of the grave doubts which had occurred to him, as to the right of Mr. Titmouse either to have lent the money at all, or, consequently, to receive repayment of it. In short, the lawyers would call this setting up the _jus tertii_; Mr. O'Gibbet protesting that he looked upon himself, in point of conscience, as a trustee of the money for the real owner; and, till _he_ should have been discovered, bound to retain it--so pleasant is _sometimes_ the performance of one's duty! Titmouse could not in the least appreciate these exquisite scruples; but knowing Mr. O'Gibbet's influence over Mr. Flummery, he feigned to acquiesce in the propriety of what was advanced by Mr. O'Gibbet, who, on being pressed, _lent_ him five pounds.

Finding that those whom he had till then imagined bound to consider his interests, had, in so unprincipled and ungrateful a manner, deserted him, he resolved to be true to himself, and bent all the powers of his mind to the contemplation of his present circumstances, and how he should act with advantage. After due and deep reflection, a very felicitous stroke occurred to him. He did not know the exact state of the question with reference to the right to the possession of Yatton--little dreaming that, in point of fact, Mr. Aubrey was at that moment virtually reinstated in the enjoyment of that fine estate. Now, it occurred to Mr. Titmouse as very probable, that his opponent would catch at any fair offer of a compromise, since he--Titmouse--had unquestionably the advantage over him at present, having nine-tenths of the law on his side--viz. _possession_; and if he were to propose to split their differences by making an offer of his hand and heart to Miss Aubrey, it could do no harm, and _might_ be attended with the happiest results. How was she to know the desperate shifts to which he was driven at present? And if he could but contrive, consistently with his pledge to Mr. Flummery, to give her an inkling of the brilliant prospects that awaited him! In short, I am able to give the reader an exact copy of a letter which, after infinite pains, two days being spent over it, he sent to Miss Aubrey; and which was duly forwarded to her, and deposited in her hands, as she alighted from her horse, on returning from a ride with Mr. Delamere and Lord De la Zouch. Here follows that skilful and touching performance:--

"House of Comons,
"_Wednesday_ Nov. --, 18--.

"(_Private._)

"Madam,--hoping That this Will not Disapoint you Through
Strangeness (which I own Looks Somewhat So) at First sight of my
adressing This Epistle to You, to Say Ever since I Have had The
unhapiness to be a Widdower Since the Death of Lady Cecilia
Titmouse of which There Is Many False accounts Every Thing Goes
Entirely Wrong (For the present) with me, all For Want of a Lady
Which w^d. feel That Conubial Interest in me That is So delightful
In the Married State. I was Honored With writing To You soon After
I was so Happy as to Get the Property But Supose you could not Have
Got It Seeing I got No Ans^r. And Natrally suposed There Was
obstacles In The Way For it Was Settled Soon as You might have
Heard That I was to Mary my Cousin (The Lady Cecilia) whom I Loved
Truly till Death cut Her Short On her Way To an Erly Grave, Alas. I
know It is In Dispute wh^r. y^r. respectable Brother or I are
Owners of Yatton You See The Law which Gave It me Once _may Give it
Me Again and No Mistake_--who knows (in this uncertain Life)
whatever Turns Up I can (Betwixt Ourselves) assure You There Is
_Something In The Wind_ For me w^h. dare not Say More Of at this
Present. But Suposing You & I shall Hit it what Say You if I should
Propose dividing The Estate betwixt Him & Me & _Settling All my
Half on You_ And as To the _Title_ (w^h. at present I Am Next to)
what say You To your Brother and I Tossing up for it When It comes
for I am Sorry to hear His Lordship is breaking, and I know _Who I
sh^d. Like To see Lady Drelincourt_, oh what a hapiness Only To
think Of, As They are dividing very soon (And they Do Run It
_Uncommon_ _Fine_, But Ministers Must Be Suported or The Country
Will Go to the Devil Dogs) Must Close Begging an Answer directed to
Me Here, And Subscribe myself,

"Hn^d. and dear Madam,
"Yr^s. Most Obediently,
"T. TITMOUSE.

"MISS AUBREY,
"Vivian Street."

"I hope, Kate, you have not been giving this gentleman encouragement!" quoth Delamere, when he had read the above. It formed a topic of pleasant merriment when they all met at dinner--a right cheerful party, consisting solely of the Aubreys and Lord and Lady De la Zouch, and Delamere. Mr. Aubrey had returned from town with important intelligence.