Chapter XII: Part 12

Abon Hassan called so loud, that his mother, who was in her own apartment, heard, and running to him upon the noise he made, said, What do you mean, son? What is the matter? At these words, Abon Hassan lifted up his head, and looking haughtily at his mother, said, Good woman, who is it you call son? Why, you, answered his mother, very calmly; are not you Abon Hassan, my son? It is a strange thing that you have forgot yourself. I your son, old trull! replied Abon Hassan; thou art mad, and knowest not what thou sayest: I am not Abon Hassan, I tell you, but the commander of the faithful.

Hold your tongue, son, answered the mother; one would think you were a fool, to hear you talk thus. You are an old fool yourself, replied Abon Hassan: I tell you once more, I am the commander of the faithful, and God’s vicar on earth. Ah! child, cried the mother, is it possible that I should hear you utter such words, that show you are distracted? What evil genius possesses you, to make you talk at this rate? God bless you, and preserve you from the power of Satan. You are my son Abon Hassan, and I am your mother.

After she had made use of all the arguments she could think of to bring him to himself, and to show how great an error he was in, she said, Do not you see that the room you are now in is your own, and is not like a chamber fit for the commander of the believers? Think seriously of what I have said to you, and do not fancy things that are not, nor ever can be.

Abon Hassan heard all these remonstrances of his mother very patiently, holding down his eyes, and clapping his hands before his face, like one who was looking into himself to examine the truth of what he saw and heard. At last, said he to his mother, just as if he was come out of a deep sleep, and with his hands in the same posture, Methinks I am Abon Hassan, you are my mother, and I am in my own room. Then looking about him again, he added, I am Abon Hassan, there is no doubt of it; and I cannot comprehend how this fancy came into my head.

The mother really believed that her son was cured of that disorder of mind, and began to laugh, and ask him questions about his dream; when, all on a sudden, he started up on his breech, and looking crossly at his mother, said, Old sorceress, thou knowest not what thou sayest. I am not thy son, nor thou my mother, but the commander of the faithful; and thou shalt never persuade me to the contrary. For heaven’s sake, son, said the mother, let us leave off this discourse, and talk of something else, for fear some misfortune should happen to us. I will tell you what fell out yesterday in our division to the iman of the mosque, and the four scheiks our neighbours: the judge of the police came and seized them, and gave each of them I do not know how many strokes with a bull’s pizzle; and afterwards led them through all the streets, with a crier before them, who proclaimed, that that was the punishment of all those who troubled themselves about other folks’ business, and set their neighbours at variance; and ordered them never to come into our division again. Abon Hassan’s mother could not imagine that her son had any share in this adventure, and therefore turned the discourse this way to put him out of the conceit of being the commander of the faithful; but instead of effacing that idea, she rather strengthened it.

Abon Hassan no sooner heard this relation, than he cried out, I am neither thy son, nor Abon Hassan, but certainly the commander of the believers: I cannot doubt of it, after what you have told me. Know then, that it was by my order that the iman and the four scheiks were punished; and I tell you, I am certainly the commander of the faithful; therefore do not tell me any more of its being a dream. I was not asleep, but as much awake as I am now. You do me a pleasure to confirm what the judge of the police told me he had executed according to my order; and I am overjoyed that the iman and the four scheiks, those great hypocrites, were so chastised, and would be glad to know how I came here. God be praised for all things! I am certainly commander of the faithful, and all thy arguments shall not convince me to the contrary.

The mother, who could not divine or imagine why her son supported and maintained himself so strenuously to be caliph, never disputed but that he had lost his senses, when she found he insisted so much upon a thing that was so incredible; and in this thought said, I pray God to have mercy upon you, son! pray do not talk so madly. Beseech God to forgive you, and give you grace to talk more reasonably. What would the world say to hear you rave in this manner? Do not you know, they say walls have ears?

These remonstrances only enraged Abon Hassan the more; and he was so provoked at his mother, that he said, Old woman, I have bid you once already hold your tongue; if you do not, I shall rise and give you cause to repent it all your life-time. I am the caliph, and the commander of the believers; and you ought to believe me when I say so.

Then the good woman perceiving that he was more lunatic than ever, abandoned herself to tears; and beating her face and breast, expressed the utmost grief and astonishment to see her son in that distraction. Abon Hassan, instead of appeasing and being moved by his mother’s tears, on the contrary, lost all the respect due from a son to his mother; and getting up hastily, and laying hold of a cane, ran to his mother in great fury, and in a threatening manner said, Tell me presently, wicked woman, who I am. I do not believe, son, replied she, looking at him tenderly, and void of fear, that you are so abandoned by God as not to know your mother, who brought you into the world. Indeed you are my son Abon Hassan; and are very much in the wrong to arrogate to yourself the title of our sovereign lord the caliph Haroun Alraschid, after the noble and generous present that monarch made us yesterday. In short, I forgot to tell you, that the grand vizier Giafar came to me yesterday, and putting a purse of a thousand pieces of gold into my hands, bade me pray for the commander of the faithful, who made me that present.

At these words, Abon Hassan grew quite mad. The circumstance of the caliph’s liberality his mother told him of, persuaded him more than ever that he was caliph, remembering how he had sent the vizier. Well, old hag, cried he, will you be convinced when I tell you that I sent you those thousand pieces of gold by my grand vizier Giafar, who obeyed my commands, as I was commander of the faithful? But, instead of believing me, thou endeavourest to distract me by thy contradictions, and maintainest with obstinacy that I am thy son; but thou shalt not go long unpunished. After these words, he was so unnatural, in the height of his frenzy, as to beat her cruelly with his cane.

The poor mother, who could not have thought that her son would have come so soon from words to blows, called out for help so loud, that the neighbours ran in to her assistance. But in the mean time, Abon Hassan, at every stroke, asked her if he was the commander of the faithful. To which she always answered tenderly, that he was her son.

By the time the neighbours came in, Abon Hassan’s rage began to abate. The first who entered the room got between him and his mother; and taking the cane out of his hand, said to him, What are you doing, Abon Hassan? Have you no fear of God, nor reason? Did ever a son, so well brought up as you, ever dare to strike his mother? Are you not ashamed to treat yours so, who loves you so tenderly? Abon Hassan looked at him that spoke, without returning an answer; and then staring on all that followed him, said, Who is that Abon Hassan you speak of? Is it me you call by that name?

This question put the neighbours a little to a stand. How! said he that spoke first, do not you know your mother, who brought you up, and with whom you have always lived? Be gone, you are impertinent people, replied Abon Hassan; I neither know her nor you, and will not know you; I am not Abon Hassan; but will make you know, to your cost, I am the commander of the faithful.

At this discourse, the neighbours no longer doubted but that he was mad; and to prevent his being guilty of the like actions, seized him, notwithstanding his resistance, and bound him hand and foot, while one in the mean time ran for the keeper of the hospital for mad folks, who came presently with a bull’s pizzle, chains, and handcuffs, and a great many attendants. When they entered the room, Abon Hassan, who little expected such treatment, endeavoured all he could to unloose himself; but after the keeper had given him two or three smart strokes upon his shoulders with the bull’s pizzle, he lay so quiet, that the keeper and his people might do what they would with him; who as soon as they had bound and manacled him, took him with them to the hospital; where, before the keeper put him into a room, he regaled him with fifty strokes of the bull’s pizzle on his shoulders, which he repeated every day without pity for three weeks, bidding him to remember that he was not the commander of the faithful.

Abon Hassan’s mother went every day to see her son, and could not forbear crying to see him fall away daily, and to hear him sigh and complain at the hardships he endured. In short, his shoulders, back, and sides were so black and blue and bruized, that he could not turn himself. His mother would willingly have talked with him, to comfort him, and to sound him whether he still retained the notion of being caliph; but whenever she opened her mouth, he rebuked her with so much fury, that she was forced to leave him, and return home disconsolate at his obstinacy.

At last those strong and lively ideas which Abon Hassan entertained of being clothed in the caliph’s habit, and having used all his authority, and being obeyed very punctually, and treated like the true caliph, and which persuaded him when he waked that he was so, all began to be insensibly effaced. Sometimes he would say to himself, If I was the caliph, and commander of the believers, how came I home dressed in my own apparel? Why should I not have been attended by eunuchs and ladies? Why should my grand Vizier Giafar, and all those emirs and governors of provinces, who prostrated themselves at my feet, forsake me? Undoubtedly if I had any authority over them, they would have delivered me all this time out of this miserable condition I am in: certainly I ought to look upon all this as a dream. It is true, I commanded the judge of the police to punish the iman and four old men his companions: I ordered Giafar the grand vizier to carry my mother a thousand pieces of gold: and all my commands were executed. All these things are obstacles to my believing it a dream; but yet there are so many things that I cannot comprehend, nor ever shall, that I will put my trust in God, who knows all things.

Abon Hassan was taken up with these thoughts and sentiments, when his mother came to see him, who found him so much altered and changed from what he had been, that she let fall a torrent of tears; in the midst of which she saluted him as she used to do, and he returned her salute, which he had never done before while he had been in the hospital. This civility she looked upon to be a good sign. Well, son, said she, how do you do, and how do you find yourself? Have you renounced all those whims and fancies which some cursed demon had put into your head? Indeed, mother, replied Abon Hassan, very rationally and calmly, I acknowledge my error, and beg of you to forgive the execrable crime which I have been guilty of towards you, and which I detest. I ask pardon also of my neighbours whom I have abused. I have been deceived by a dream; but by so extraordinary a one, and so like to truth, that any other person, to whom such a thing might have happened, would have been guilty of as great extravagances: and I am at this instant so much perplexed about it, that I can hardly persuade myself but that it was matter of fact. But whatever it was, I do and always will look upon it as a dream and illusion. I am convinced that I am not that shadow of a caliph and commander of the faithful, but Abon Hassan, your son; and shall never forget that fatal day which covered me with shame and confusion; but honour and respect you all my life as I ought.

At these sensible words, the mother of Abon Hassan changed the tears of her sorrow and affliction into those of joy, to find her son so well recovered. My dear child, said she, transported with pleasure, my satisfaction and comfort is inexpressible, to hear you talk so reasonably, and gives me as much joy as if I had brought you into the world a second time. But I must observe one thing in this adventure, which you may not have taken notice of: the stranger that you brought home one night to sup with you, went away without shutting the chamber-door after him as you desired him; which I believe gave some demon an opportunity to enter, and put you into that horrible illusion you were in: and therefore, my son, you ought to return God thanks for your deliverance, and beseech him to keep you out of the snares of the evil spirit.

You have found out the source of my misfortunes, answered Abon Hassan; it was that very night I had this dream, which turned my brain. I bade the merchant expressly to shut the door after him; and now I find he did not do it. I am persuaded, as well as you, some devil came in, and filled my head full of these fancies. For they at Moussel are not so well convinced that the devil is the cause of troublesome dreams, as we are at Bagdad. But since, mother, you see I am so well recovered, for God’s sake get me out of this hellish place. The mother, glad to find her son so well cured of his foolish imagination of being caliph, went immediately to the keeper, and assuring him that he was very sensible and well, he came and examined him, and afterwards gave him his liberty.

When Abon Hassan came home, he staid within doors some days, to comfort himself by better food and nourishment than what he had at the hospital. But when he had recovered his strength, and refreshed himself after his harsh treatment, he began to be weary with spending his evenings alone, and so entered again upon the same way of living as before; which was to provide enough every day to regale a stranger at night.

The day on which Abon Hassan renewed this custom, happened to be the first day of the month, which was the day that the caliph always sets apart to go disguised through the town, to observe what irregularities were committed in the government of the city. Towards the evening he went to the bridge, and set himself on a bench which was fixed to the parapet; where, looking about him, he perceived the caliph disguised again like a Moussel merchant, and followed by the same slave: and, persuaded that all his misfortunes were owing to the caliph’s leaving his door open, whom he took for a merchant, he swooned at the sight of him. God preserve me, said he to himself; if I am not deceived, there is the magician again that enchanted me! and thereupon got up, and looked over the parapet into the river, that he might not see him.

The caliph, who had a mind to carry on his joke farther, had taken a great deal of care to inform himself of all that had happened when Abon Hassan waked at home, and conceived a great pleasure at the relation given him, especially at his being sent to a mad-house. But that monarch was both just and generous, and had taken a great liking to Abon Hassan: he designed, after he had carried on this scene, to take him into his palace; and to pursue this project, he had dressed himself again like a merchant of Moussel. He perceived Abon Hassan at the same time that he saw him, and presently guessed by his actions that he was angry with him, and wanted to shun him. This made him walk close to the parapet Abon Hassan leaned over; and when he came nigh him, he put his head over to look him in the face. Ah, brother Abon Hassan, said he, is it you? give me leave to embrace you. Not I, replied Abon Hassan roughly, without looking at the pretended Moussel merchant: I will not embrace you; I have nothing to say to you; go along.

What! answered the caliph, do you not know me? Do you not remember the evening we spent together at your house this day month, where you did me the honour to treat me very generously? No, replied Abon Hassan, I do not know you, nor what you talk about: go, I say again, about your business.

The caliph was not to be dashed with this rude behaviour of Abon Hassan. He knew very well the law he had imposed on himself, never to have any commerce again with a stranger he had once entertained; but though Abon Hassan had declared so much to him, he pretended to be ignorant of it. I cannot believe, said he, but you must know me again; it is not possible that you should have forgot me in so short a time. Certainly some misfortune has befallen you, which gives you this aversion. However, you ought to remember that I show my acknowledgment by my good wishes; and that I have offered you my interest, which is not despicable, in an affair which you had very much at heart.

I do not know, replied Abon Hassan, what your interest may be, and I have no desire to make use of it; but I am sensible the utmost of your wishes was to make me mad. In God’s name, I say once more, go your way, and trouble me no more.

Ah! brother Abon Hassan, replied the caliph, embracing him, I do not intend to part with you in this manner, since I have had the good fortune to meet with you a second time: you must exercise the same hospitality towards me again that you showed me a month ago, when I had the honour to drink with you.

I have protested against it, said Abon Hassan, and have so much power over myself as not to receive such a man as you. You know the proverb, Take up your drum and be gone: make the application to yourself. God be with you; you have been the cause of my misfortune, and I will not venture myself with you again. My good friend Abon Hassan, said the caliph, embracing him again, I beg of you not to treat me after this injurious manner, but be better persuaded of my friendship. Do me the favour to tell me what has happened to you; for I assure you, I wish you well, and would be glad of an opportunity to make you amends for the trouble I have caused you, if it has been actually my fault. Abon Hassan yielded to the pressing instances of the caliph, and bade him sit down by him. Your incredulity and importunity have tired my patience; and what I am going to tell you, will show you that I do not accuse you wrongfully.

The caliph sat down by Abon Hassan, while he told him all that happened to him, from his waking in the palace to his waking again in his own house, all as a mere dream, with all the circumstances, which the caliph knew as well as himself, and which renewed his pleasure. He exaggerated afterwards upon the impression that dream of being caliph made upon him, which, he said, threw him into such extravagances, that he was carried to the mad-house, and used very barbarously. But, said he, what will surprise you, and what you little think of, is, that it was altogether your fault that these things fell out: for, if you remember, I desired you to shut the door after you, which you neglected; and some devil finding it open, put this dream into my head, which, though it was very agreeable, was the cause of the misfortune I complain of; therefore you, for your negligence, are answerable for the horrid and detestable crime I was guilty of, in lifting my hand against my mother, whom I might have killed, and committed parricide, because she said I was her son, and she would not acknowledge me for the commander of the faithful: besides, I blush when I think of it, and that all my neighbours were witnesses of my folly. In short, Abon Hassan complained of his misfortunes with great heat and vehemence, and did not forget the least circumstance; which pleased the caliph to find he had succeeded so well, who could not help bursting out a-laughing at the simplicity wherewith he related them.

Abon Hassan, who thought that his story should rather move compassion, and that every one ought to be as much concerned at it as himself, very much resented the pretended Moussel merchant’s laughter. What! said he, do you make a jest of me, to laugh in my face, or do you believe that I do not speak seriously? If you want proofs of what I advance, look and see whether or no I tell you the truth: with that, stooping down, and baring his shoulders, he showed the caliph the strokes and weals the bull’s pizzle had made.

The caliph could not behold these objects of horror without pitying poor Abon Hassan, and being sorry for carrying the jest so far. Come, rise, dear brother, said he, hugging Abon Hassan friendly in his arms; let me go and enjoy the happiness of being merry with you to-night; and to-morrow, if it please God, all things will go well.

Abon Hassan, notwithstanding his resolution and oath, could not resist the caliph’s caresses. I will consent, said he to the pretended merchant, if you will swear to shut my door after you, that no demon may come in to distract my brain again. The caliph promised that he would; upon which they both got up, and, followed by the caliph’s slave, reached Abon Hassan’s house by the time it was dark.

As soon as Abon Hassan entered the doors, he called for candles, and desired his guest to sit down upon a sofa, and then placed himself by him. A little time after, supper was brought up, and they both fell to without ceremony: afterwards there came up a small dessert of fruit, wine, and glasses. Abon Hassan first filled out his glass, and then the caliph’s; and after they had drunk some time, and talked of indifferent matters, the caliph perceiving that his host grew warm with liquor, began to talk of love, and asked him if he had never been sensible of that passion.

Brother, replied Abon Hassan familiarly, I never looked upon love or marriage but as bondage or slavery, to which I was always unwilling to submit; and must own to you that I never loved any thing but good cheer and good wine; in short, to divert and entertain myself agreeably with my friends. But yet I do not tell you that I am so indifferent for marriage, or incapable of an inclination, if I could meet with a woman of such beauty and sweetness of temper as those I saw in my dream that fatal night I first saw you, and received you into my house, and you, to my misfortune, left my door open, who would pass the whole night with me, drinking, and singing, and playing on some instrument, and who would study to please and divert me: I believe, on the contrary, I should change all my indifference to a perfect attachment to such a person, and I believe should live very happily with her. But where is such a woman to be found, but in the caliph’s palace, or in those of the grand vizier, or some other great lords of the court, who want no money? I choose rather to stick close to my bottle, which is a pleasure much cheaper, and which I can enjoy as well as they. In saying, these words, he filled out his own and the caliph’s glass, and said, Come, take your glass, and let us pursue this charming pleasure.

When they had drunk off their wine, It is a great pity, said the caliph, that so gallant a man as you, who owns himself not insensible of love, should lead so solitary a life. I prefer the easy quiet life I live, replied Abon Hassan, before the company of a wife, whose beauty might not please, and who, besides, might create me a great deal of trouble by her imperfections, and perhaps ill humour. This subject lasted a long time; and the caliph, seeing Abon Hassan had drunk up to the pitch he wanted to have him, said, Let me alone; since you have so good a taste, I warrant you I will find you one that shall please you: and then taking Abon Hassan’s glass, and putting a pinch of the same powder into it again, filled him up a bumper, and presenting it to him, said, Come, let us drink first the fair lady’s health who is to make you happy.

Abon Hassan took the glass laughing, and shaking his head, said, Come, I will drink the lady’s health you promised me, though I am very well contented as I am, and do not rely on your promise; but cannot be guilty of so great a piece of incivility, as to disoblige a guest of so much merit, in such a trifling matter. But as soon as he had drunk off his liquor, he was seized with as deep a sleep as before; and the caliph ordered the same slave to take him and carry him to the palace, and in the mean time shut the door after him, as he had promised, and followed him.

When they arrived at the palace, the caliph ordered Abon Hassan to be laid on a sofa, in the fourth hall, from whence he was carried home: but first he bade them put him in the same habit which he acted the caliph in. After that, he charged all the eunuchs; officers, ladies, and musicians, who were in the hall when he drank the last glass of wine, to be there by daybreak, and to take care to act their parts well; and then went to bed, charging Mesrour to wake him before they went into the hall, that he might hide himself in the closet as before.

Mesrour wakened the caliph at the hour appointed; who immediately rose, and went to the hall where Abon Hassan was laid fast asleep; and when he had placed himself in his closet, Mesrour and the other officers and ladies placed themselves about the sofa, so that the caliph might see what passed.

Things being thus disposed, and the caliph’s powder having had its effect, Abon Hassan began to stir, and the music to play a very agreeable concert. Abon Hassan was in a great surprise to hear that charming harmony; but when he opened his eyes, and saw the ladies and officers about him, and which he thought he knew again, his amazement was redoubled. The hall that he was in seemed to be the same he dreamed of; and he observed the same branches, and the same furniture and ornaments.

When the concert was ended, he bit his finger and cried loud enough for the caliph to hear him, Alas! I am fallen again into the same dream and illusion that happened to me a month ago, and must expect again the bull’s pizzle and mad-house. Almighty God, added he, I commit myself into the hands of thy divine providence. He was a wicked man that I entertained at my house last night, who has been the cause of this illusion, and the miserable hardships I must undergo. The base wretch swore to shut the door after him, and he did not do it; and the devil came in, and filled my head full of this wicked dream of being commander of the faithful, and other phantoms, which bewitch my eyes. May thou be confounded, Satan, and crushed under some mountain!

After these words, Abon Hassan closed his eyes, and remained some time thoughtful, and very much perplexed; then opening them again, and looking about him, cried out a second time, Great God! I commit myself into the hands of thy providence; preserve me from the temptation of Satan. Then shutting them again, he said, All that I know is, I will go and sleep till Satan leaves me, and returns as he came; when one of the ladies approached, and sitting down on a sofa by him, said to him, Commander of the Faithful, I beg of your majesty to forgive me for taking the liberty to tell you not to go to sleep; day appears, and it is time to rise. Be gone, Satan! answered Abon Hassan, raising his voice: but looking upon the lady, he said, Is it I you call the commander of the faithful? Certainly you take me for somebody else. It is to your majesty I give that title, replied the lady, to whom it belongs, as you are sovereign of the world and the Mussulmans, and I am your most humble slave. Undoubtedly your majesty, added she, pretends to have forgot yourself, or this is the effect of some troublesome dream; but if you would but open your eyes, the mists which may disturb your imagination will soon be dispelled, and you will find yourself in your own palace, surrounded by your officers and slaves, who all wait your commands: and that your majesty may not be surprised to find yourself in this hall, and not in bed, I beg leave to tell you, that you fell so suddenly asleep last night, that we were unwilling to wake you, to conduct you to your own chamber, but laid you carefully upon this sofa. In short, she urged so many things to him that were so very probable, that at last he sat upon his breech, and knew all the ladies again. Then she who spoke first, assuming the discourse, said, Commander of the Faithful, and the prophet’s vicar on earth, be not displeased if I acquaint your majesty once more, that it is time to rise, for day appears.

You are very troublesome and importunate, replied Abon Hassan, rubbing his eyes: I am not the commander of the faithful, but Abon Hassan; and you shall not persuade me otherwise. We do not know that Abon Hassan your majesty speaks of, answered the lady; but know you to be the commander of the believers.

Abon Hassan looking about, and finding himself in the same hall, attributed all he saw and heard to be such a dream as he had before, and feared very much the dreadful consequences. Heaven have mercy on me! said he, lifting up his hands and eyes, like a man who knew not where he was; after what I have seen, there is no dispute but that devil who came into my chamber possesses me, and fills my imagination full of all these visions.

The caliph, who saw him all the time, and heard these exclamations, almost killed himself with laughing; and had much ado to forbear bursting out into so loud a laughter, that the false caliph must have heard him.

Afterwards Abon Hassan laid himself down again, and shutting his eyes, the same lady said again, Since your majesty does not rise, after we have, according to our duty, told you it was day, and the dispatch of business requires your presence, we shall use the liberty you give us in such like cases. Then taking him by one arm, and calling to one of the other ladies to do the same by the other, they lifted him up, and carried him into the middle of the hall, where they set him on his breech, and all taking hands, danced round him while the music played.

Abon Hassan was in an inexpressible perplexity of mind, and said, What! am I indeed caliph, and commander of the faithful? and in the uncertainty he was in, would have said something more, but the music was so loud that he could not be heard. At last he made a sign to two of the ladies who were dancing, that he wanted to speak with them; upon which they forbore, and went to him. Do not lie, now, said he, but tell me truly who I am.

Commander of the Faithful, replied one of the ladies, your majesty would either surprise us by asking this question, or else you must have had some very extraordinary dream to-night; which may very well be, considering that your majesty has slept longer to-night than ordinary: however, if you will give me leave, I will refresh your memory with what passed yesterday. Then she told him how he went to the council, punished the iman and the four old men, and sent a present by his grand vizier, of a thousand pieces of gold, to the mother of one Abon Hassan: after that, continued she, your majesty dined in the three halls, and, in the fourth, did us the honour to make us sit down by you, to hear our songs, and receive wine from our hands, till your majesty fell so fast asleep, that you never awaked, contrary to custom, before day. All your slaves and officers can confirm what I say; and it is now time you should go to prayers.

Very well, replied Abon Hassan, shaking his head, you would have me believe all this but I can tell you, you are all fools or mad; and that is a great pity, for you are very handsome: for I can tell you, that since I saw you, I have been at home, where I used my mother so ill, that they sent me to a mad-house, and kept me three weeks, and beat me every day with a bull’s pizzle; and yet you would make me believe all this to be a dream. Commander of the Faithful answered the lady, we are all ready to swear by what your majesty holds most dear, that all you tell is a dream; for you never stirred out of this hall since yesterday, but slept here all night long.

The confidence with which the lady assured Abon Hassan that all she said was truth, and that he had never been out of the hall since that time, made him not to know what to believe, but bewildered his senses. O Heaven! said he to himself, am I Abon Hassan, or the commander of the faithful? Almighty God, enlighten my understanding, and inform me of the truth. Then he bared his shoulders, and showed the ladies the livid weals. Look, and judge, said he, whether these strokes could come to me in a dream, or when I was asleep. For my part, I can affirm that they were real blows; for I feel the smart of them yet, and that is a testimonial there is no room to doubt of. Now, if I received these strokes in my sleep, it is the most surprising and extraordinary thing in the world, and what I cannot understand.

In this uncertainty, Abon Hassan called to one of the officers that stood round him: Come hither, said he, and bite the tip of my ear, that I may know whether I am asleep or awake. The officer obeyed him, and bit so hard that he made him cry out horridly: the music struck up at the same time, and the officers and ladies all began to dance, and skip about Abon Hassan, and made such a noise, that he was in a perfect enthusiasm, and played a thousand merry tricks. He tore off his caliph’s habit, threw off his turban, and jumped up in his shirt and drawers, and taking hold of two of the ladies’ hands, fell a-dancing and singing, and jumping and cutting capers, that the caliph could not contain himself, but burst into so violent a laughter at this sudden pleasantry of Abon Hassan’s, that he fell backwards, and made a greater noise than the musicians and all of them together, and lay in that condition for some time. At last he got up again, and putting out his head, cried out, Abon Hassan, Abon Hassan, what! have you a mind to kill me with laughing?

As soon as the caliph’s voice was heard, every body was silent, and Abon Hassan among the rest; who, turning his head to see from whence the voice came, knew the caliph and the Moussel merchant, but was not in the least dashed; but, on the contrary, found that he was awake, and all that had happened to him was matter of fact, and not a dream. He entered into the caliph’s pleasantry and intentions: Ha! ha! said he, looking at him with a good assurance, you are a merchant of Moussel, and complain that I would kill you, who have been the occasion of my using my mother so ill, and being sent to a mad-house. It was you who treated the iman and the four scheiks in the manner they were used, and not I; I wash my hands of it. It was you who have been the cause of all my disorders: in short, you are the aggressor, and I the injured person.

Indeed you are in the right of it, Abon Hassan, answered the caliph, laughing all the while; but to comfort thee, and make thee amends for all thy troubles, I call Heaven to witness, I am ready and willing to make thee what reparation thou pleasest to ask. After these words, he came out of the closet into the hall, and ordered one of his most magnificent habits to be brought, and commanded the ladies to dress Abon Hassan in it; and when they had done so, he said, embracing him, Thou art my brother; ask what thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

Commander of the Faithful, replied Abon Hassan, I beg of your majesty to do me the favour to tell me what you did to disturb my brain in that manner, and what was your design; for that is a thing of the greatest importance for me to know, that I may perfectly recover my senses.

The caliph promised to give him that satisfaction, and said, First you ought to know, that I often disguise myself, and particularly at night, to observe what irregularities are committed in Bagdad; besides, I set apart the first day of every month to make a tour about it, sometimes on one side and sometimes on another, but always return by the bridge. That evening that you invited me to supper, I had been taking my rounds; and in our discourse you told me, that the only thing you wished for was to be caliph for four and twenty hours, to punish the iman of your mosque and his four counsellors. I fancied that this desire of thine would afford me a great deal of diversion, and thought immediately how I might procure thee that satisfaction. I had about me a certain powder, which throws immediately the person that takes it into a sound sleep for such a time. I put a dose of it, without being perceived by thee, into the last glass I presented to thee; upon which you fell fast asleep, and I ordered my slave to carry you to my palace, and came away without shutting the door. I have no occasion to repeat what happened at my palace when you waked: but after you had been regaled all day, one of the slaves, by my order, put another dose of the same powder at night into a glass she gave you; you fell asleep as before, and the same slave carried you home, and left the door open. You told me all that happened to you afterwards. I never imagined that you could have suffered so much as you have done. But as I have a great regard for you, I will make you amends; and that you may have no cause to remember your ill treatment, think of what would please you, and ask me boldly for it.

Commander of the Faithful, replied Abon Hassan, how great soever my tortures may have been, they were all blotted out of my remembrance, as soon as I understood my sovereign lord had any share in them, and doubt not in the least of your majesty’s bounty; but as interest had never any sway over me, and I have the liberty to ask a favour, I beg that it may be that of having access to your person, to have the happiness of admiring, all my life-time, your grandeur.

This last proof of Abon Hassan’s generosity completed the esteem the caliph had entertained for him. I am mightily pleased with thy request, said the caliph, and grant thee free access to my person at all times and all hours. In short, he assigned him an apartment in the palace; and, in regard to his pension, told him, that he would not have him to have any thing to do with his treasurer, but to come always to him for an order upon him. Abon Hassan made a low bow, and the caliph left him to go to council.

Abon Hassan made use of this time to go and inform his mother of his good fortune, and what had happened, which, he told her, was not a dream; for that he had actually been caliph, and had acted as such, and received all the honours; and that she had no reason to doubt of it, since he had it confirmed, by the caliph himself.

It was not long before this new story of Abon Hassan was spread all about Bagdad, and was carried into all the provinces both far and near, and not one single circumstance scarce omitted.

The new favourite Abon Hassan was always with the caliph; for as he was a man of a pleasant temper, and created mirth by all his words and actions, the caliph could not live without him, and often carried him along with him to see his spouse Zobeide, to whom he told his story, and who was mightily pleased with him, and observed that every time he came with the caliph he had his eyes always fixed upon one of her slaves, called Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, (which is to say, Renewed Pleasure,) and resolved to tell the caliph of it. Commander of the Faithful, said that princess one day, you do not observe so well as I, that every time Abon Hassan attends you in your visits to me, he never keeps his eyes off Nouz-hatoul-aonadat, and makes her blush, which is almost a certain sign that she entertains no aversion for him. If you approve of it, we will make a match between them.

Madam, replied the caliph, you put me in mind of a thing which I ought to have done before now. I know Abon Hassan’s taste of marriage from himself, and have always promised him a wife that should please him. I am glad you mentioned it, for I know not how I came to forget it. But it is better that Abon Hassan has followed his own inclination, and chose for himself; and if Nouz-hatoul-aonadat is not averse to it, we ought not to hesitate upon their marriage; and since they are both present, let them declare that they give consent.

Abon Hassan threw himself at the caliph’s and Zobeide’s feet, to show the sense he had of their bounty; and, rising up, said, I cannot receive a wife from better hands, but dare not hope that Nouz-hatoul-aonadat will give me hers. After these words, he looked upon the princess’s slave, who showed, by her respectful silence, and the sudden blush that rose in her cheeks, that she was disposed to obey the caliph and her mistress Zobeide.

The marriage was solemnized, and the nuptials celebrated in the palace, with great rejoicings, which lasted several days. Zobeide, in respect to the caliph, made her slave considerable presents, and the caliph did the same to Abon Hassan. The bride was conducted to the apartment the caliph had assigned Abon Hassan, who waited for her with all the impatience of a bridegroom, and received her with the sounding of trumpets and all sorts of instruments, which played in concert, and made the air echo again their sweet and harmonious notes.

After these feasts and rejoicings, which lasted several days, the new-married couple were left to pursue their loves peaceably. Abon Hassan and his spouse were charmed with each other, and lived together in perfect union, and seldom were asunder, but when either he paid his respects to the caliph, or she to Zobeide. Indeed Nouz-hatoul-aonadat was endued with all the qualifications capable of gaining Abon Hassan’s love and attachment, and was just such a wife as he desired; therefore they could want nothing to render their lives agreeable. They always ate the nicest and choicest rarities in season, and had the best meats tossed up in fricasees and ragouts, &c. by an excellent cook, who took upon him to provide every thing. Their beaufet was always stored with exquisite wines. At dinner they enjoyed themselves in this manner, and afterwards entertained each other with some pleasantry or other: and in the evenings, which they consecrated to mirth, they had generally some slight repast of dried sweetmeats, choice fruits, and other light meats, and invited each other by songs and catches to drink, and sometimes played to their voices on a lute, or other instruments which they could touch.

Abon Hassan and Nouz-hatoul-aonadat lived a long time in this manner, when the caterer, who disbursed the money for these expenses, put them in mind that he had gone his length, and parted with all his money; which they found, but too late, to be so considerable a sum, that all the presents that the caliph and the princess Zobeide had given them at their marriage, were but just enough to pay him. This made them reflect on what was past, and which at that time they could not remedy. However, they agreed to pay the cook; and sent for him, and paid him all they owed him, without showing the least trouble.

The caterer went away very well pleased to receive so large a sum of money, though Abon Hassan and his wife were not so over-well satisfied with seeing the bottom of their purse, but remained a long time silent and very much embarrassed, to find themselves reduced to that condition the first year of their marriage. Abon Hassan remembered very well that the caliph, when he took him into the palace, promised never to let him want any thing. But when he considered how prodigal he had been of his money in so short a time, he was unwilling to expose himself to the shame of telling the caliph the ill use he had made of what he had given him, and that he wanted more. Besides, he had made over his patrimony to his mother, as soon as the caliph had received him nigh his person; and was afraid to go to her, lest she should find that he had returned to the same extravagance he had been guilty of after his father’s death. His wife, on the other hand, looked upon Zobeide’s generosity, and the liberty she had given her to marry, as more than a sufficient recompense for her service, and thought she could not ask any more.

Abon Hassan at last broke silence, and looking upon his wife, said, I see you are in the same embarrassment as myself, and am thinking what we must do in this unhappy juncture. I do not know what your sentiments may be; but mine are, let what will happen, not to retrench our expenses in the least; and, I believe you will come into my opinion: the point is, how to support them without asking the caliph or Zobeide; and I fancy I have thought on the means: but we must both assist each other.

This discourse of Abon Hassan’s very much pleased his wife, and gave her great hopes. I was thinking so as well as you, said she; but durst not explain my thoughts, because I did not know how to help ourselves; and must confess, that what you tell me gives me a great deal of pleasure. But since you say you have found out a way, and my assistance is necessary, you need but to tell me, and I will do all that lies in my power.

I believe, replied Abon Hassan, that you will not fail in this affair, which concerns us both; and therefore I must tell you this want of money has made me think of a trick we will put upon the caliph and Zobeide, and at which, I am sure, they will both be pleased, and be diverted with the cheat; which is, you and I will both die. Not I indeed, interrupted Nouz-hatoul-aonadat; you may die by yourself, if you will. I am not so weary of this life; and whether you are pleased or not, will not die so soon. If you have nothing else to propose than that, you may do it by yourself; for I shall not meddle with it.

You are so quick and hasty, replied Abon Hassan, that you will not give me time to explain my meaning: have but a little patience, and you shall find that you will be ready enough; for sure you did not think I meant a real death. Well, said his wife, if it is but sham death you design, I am at your service, and you may depend on my zeal: but I must tell you truly, I am very unwilling to die as I apprehended you meant at first.

Be but easy a little, said Abon Hassan, and I will tell you what I propose. I will feign myself dead, and you shall lay me out on a white sheet, in the middle of my chamber, with my feet towards Mecca, and my turban upon my face, just ready to be buried. When you have done so, you must cry and take on, as is usual in such cases, and tear your clothes, and with your hair loose about your ears, go to Zobeide. The princess will ask you the cause of your grief; and when you have told her, with words intermixed with sighs, she will pity you, and give you some money to defray the expense of my funeral, and a piece of gold brocade, to cover my body with, that my interment may be the more magnificent, and to make you a habit in the room of that you had torn; and as soon as you return with the money and the brocade, I will get up and lay you in my place, and go and act the same part with the caliph as you have done with Zobeide; and I dare say the caliph will be as generous to me as Zobeide will be to you.