Chapter LXI: Smudgeography; Or, How to Tell the Character by

HANDWRITING.

This is a portrait of Billy Baker (Fig. 1). It is not by the famous Flemish artist Van Daub, whose works are to be found in every gallery in Europe, but by his distant relative Von Smudge, whose efforts need only to be known to be equally appreciated. It is understood to be a successful attempt to tell Billy’s character ‘from his handwriting.’ It is not a flattering likeness. We are afraid Von Smudge found that the hand was not in due submission to the will. It, however, shows Billy as having a deal of breadth and very substantial understanding.

It is his own fault if he did not ‘come out’ better. All that he had to do was to write his ‘usual signature’ with a thickish pen dipped heavily into the ink, and while it was wet and easily blottable Von Smudge folded the paper so as to divide it in the middle, gave a little pat with his finger where the head ought to be, a rub with his thumb where the arms should come, and an artistic flourish all along the line, and, lo! this was the ‘character’ he produced.

The parents of Billy were much flattered at the result, and, having ‘great faith in the system,’ proceeded to inquire whether their son would do best as a Rapparee or a Nigger corner-man. They were informed, however, that ‘as the handwriting changes the character develops,’ and agreed to wait before deciding, and in the meanwhile let Billy have six lessons from a professional writing master. This was done, and now Billy’s writing, like Billy himself, has no character at all!

Martin Jones was another of Von Smudge’s sitters. He also ‘wrote his usual signature,’ and in like manner did ‘the artist’ fold the paper on which it was written and produce the accompanying Napoleonic figure (Fig. 2). As Martin is a fat-faced stunted little fellow with no chance of reaching five feet two, he decided long ago to go in for ‘brain power and command,’ and the Bonapartish portrait is said by him to be ‘characteristic.’ So it is--of Von Smudge.

Von Smudge’s theory is, that no matter what name be written, ‘the character will always be that of the writer.’ In an unguarded moment he consented to sign himself as Walter Scott, and this is the ‘character’ that was revealed (Fig. 3). There must be some truth in Von Smudge’s theory, for this is not in the least like Sir Walter, whereas in general Janusfacedness and clumsiness it may be taken as a fit symbol of ‘the artist.’

Miss Jenks was persuaded to have her ‘character indicated.’ It was ‘indicated’ with a vengeance (Fig. 4).

She has not called again. Von Smudge says she used too fine a pen. ‘Freedom, perfect freedom, is necessary in the handwriting.’ To which we may add that the thicker the lines, the more the ink, and the harder the paper, the better the result.

One success Von Smudge did have, that in the case of Ellis Ferris, whom he managed to hit off to a nicety--in a caricature, of course. We give the portrait of Ellis in Fig. 5. He is not pleased with it himself, but his friends and enemies assure him it is ‘very like.’ Ellis signed his name with a skewer dipped half an inch in the inkpot, and so gave himself a chance.

Von Smudge has not patented his invention, so that all can try it who care to do so. And it is not a bad amusement for a stray half-hour. The important point is not to be too scratchy in the writing or too careful of the ink.

It is also capable of development. If the paper, instead of being folded in the middle of the signature, be folded above or below it, a duplicate will be produced; if a portrait be drawn and folded down on to the paper while the ink is wet, a reverse copy will be printed off; and if an ornamental design be drawn on paper, it can also be reproduced in reverse by smudgeography, and, owing to the copy taking off the surplus ink and the original being thus reduced to about the same intensity, the pattern will be much more equal in tone than would be thought without trial. All sorts of outline decorative work can be done in this way, and with careful management of the ink the labour of drawing duplicates can be saved.

However, we began this chapter merely with a view of popularising Von Smudge’s new method of character-reading, which does not prosper in his hand quite so much as he expected. In fact, he has taken to saying, ‘There is the idea, let others try if they can make anything out of it.’ And others may as well. They will be just as near the ‘character’ by this means as by any other. It will take them some time to beat the sketch of Ferris the Fierce.