Chapter X: Appendix: Extracts From the Critics (3)

MER. Out vpon’t! 30
And loſe the laudable meanes, thou haſt at home, heere,
T’aduance, and make him a young _Alderman_?
Buy him a Captaines place, for ſhame; and let him
Into the world, early, and with his plume,
And Scarfes, march through _Cheapſide_, or along _Cornehill_,
And by the vertue’of thoſe, draw downe a wife 36
There from a windo’, worth ten thouſand pound!
Get him the poſture booke, and’s leaden men,
To ſet vpon a table, ’gainst his Miſtreſſe
Chance to come by, that hee may draw her in, 40
And ſhew her _Finsbury_ battells.

GVI. I haue plac’d him
With Iustice _Eytherſide_, to get so much law--

MER. As thou haſt conſcience. Come, come, thou doſt wrong
Pretty _Plutarchus_, who had not his name,
For nothing: but was borne to traine the youth 45
Of _London_, in the military truth--
That way his _Genius_ lies. My Couſin _Euerill_!

[449] SD. ACT. ...] _Enter_ MEERCRAFT. G

[450] 7 ring. [_Aside to Gilthead._

[451] 15 Tom G

[452] 20 ’s] is G

[453] 23 so in W, G

[454] 27 he’s W, G

[455] 45,6 to ... truth] in italics G

[456] 47 lies.--_Enter_ EVERILL.

ACT. III. SCENE. IIJ.

EVER-ILL. PLVTARCHVS. GVILT-HEAD.
MERE-CRAFT. FITZDOTTRELL.

O, are you heere, Sir? ’pray you let vs whiſper.

PLV. Father, deare Father, truſt him if you loue mee.

GVI. Why, I doe meane it, boy; but, what I doe,
Muſt not come eaſily from mee: Wee muſt deale
With _Courtiers_, boy, as _Courtiers_ deale with vs. 5
If I haue a _Buſineſſe_ there, with any of them,
Why, I muſt wait, I’am ſure on’t, Son: and though
My _Lord_ diſpatch me, yet his worſhipfull man--
Will keepe me for his ſport, a moneth, or two,
To ſhew mee with my fellow Cittizens. 10
I muſt make his traine long, and full, one quarter;
And helpe the ſpectacle of his greatneſſe. There,
Nothing is done at once, but iniuries, boy:
And they come head-long! an their good turnes moue not, [124]
Or very ſlowly.

PLV. Yet ſweet father, truſt him. 15

GVI. VVell, I will thinke.

EV. Come, you muſt do’t, Sir.
I am vndone elſe, and your _Lady Tayle-buſh_
Has ſent for mee to dinner, and my cloaths
Are all at pawne. I had ſent out this morning,
Before I heard you were come to towne, ſome twenty 20
Of my epiſtles, and no one returne--

Mere-craft _tells him of his faults_.

MER. VVhy, I ha’ told you o’ this. This comes of wearing
Scarlet, gold lace, and cut-works! your fine gartring!
VVith your blowne roſes, Couſin! and your eating
_Pheſant_, and _Godwit_, here in _London_! haunting 25
The _Globes_, and _Mermaides_! wedging in with _Lords_,
Still at the table! and affecting lechery,
In veluet! where could you ha’ contented your ſelfe
With cheeſe, ſalt-butter, and a pickled hering,
I’ the Low-countries; there worne cloth, and fuſtian! 30
Beene ſatisfied with a leape o’ your Hoſt’s daughter,
In garriſon, a wench of a ſtoter! or,
Your _Sutlers_ wife, i’ the leaguer, of two blanks!
You neuer, then, had runne vpon this flat,
To write your letters miſſiue, and ſend out 35
Your priuy ſeales, that thus haue frighted off
All your acquaintance; that they ſhun you at diſtance,
VVorse, then you do the Bailies!

EV. Pox vpon you.
I come not to you for counſell, I lacke money.

_Hee repines._

MER. You doe not thinke, what you owe me already?

EV. I? 40
They owe you, that meane to pay you. I’ll beſworne,
I neuer meant it. Come, you will proiect,
I ſhall vndoe your practice, for this moneth elſe:
You know mee.
_and threatens him._

MER. I, yo’ are a right ſweet nature!

EV. Well, that’s all one!

MER. You’ll leaue this Empire, one day? 45
You will not euer haue this tribute payd,
Your ſcepter o’ the ſword?

EV. Tye vp your wit,
Doe, and prouoke me not--

MER. Will you, Sir, helpe,
To what I ſhall prouoke another for you?

EV. I cannot tell; try me: I thinke I am not 50
So vtterly, of an ore vn-to-be-melted,
But I can doe my ſelfe good, on occaſions.

_They ioyne._

MER. Strike in then, for your part. M^r. _Fitz-dottrel_
If I tranſgreſſe in point of manners, afford mee
Your beſt conſtruction; I muſt beg my freedome 55
From your affayres, this day.

FIT. How, S^r.

MER. It is
In ſuccour of this Gentlemans occaſions,
My kinſ-man--
Mere-craft _pretends_ buſineſſe.

FIT. You’ll not do me that affront, S^r.

MER. I am ſory you ſhould ſo interpret it,
But, Sir, it ſtands vpon his being inueſted 60
In a new _office_, hee has ſtood for, long: [133]

Mere-craft _describes the_ office _of_ Dependancy.

_Maſter_ of the _Dependances_! A place
Of my proiection too, Sir, and hath met
Much oppoſition; but the State, now, ſee’s
That great neceſſity of it, as after all 65
Their writing, and their ſpeaking, againſt _Duells_,
They haue erected it. His booke is drawne--
For, ſince, there will be differences, daily,
’Twixt Gentlemen; and that the roaring manner
Is growne offenſiue; that thoſe few, we call 70
The ciuill men o’ the ſword, abhorre the vapours;
They ſhall refer now, hither, for their _proceſſe_;
And ſuch as treſſpaſe ’gainſt the rule of _Court_,
Are to be fin’d--

FIT. In troth, a pretty place!

MER. A kinde of arbitrary _Court_ ’twill be, Sir. 75

FIT. I ſhall haue matter for it, I beleeue,
Ere it be long: I had a diſtaſt.

MER. But now, Sir,
My learned councell, they muſt haue a feeling,
They’ll part, Sir, with no bookes, without the hand-gout
Be oyld, and I muſt furniſh. If’t be money, 80
To me ſtreight. I am Mine, _Mint_ and _Exchequer_.
To ſupply all. What is’t? a hundred pound?

EVE. No, th’ _Harpey_, now, ſtands on a hundred pieces.

MER. Why, he muſt haue ’hem, if he will. To morrow, Sir,
Will equally ſerue your occaſion’s,---- 85
And therefore, let me obtaine, that you will yeeld
To timing a poore Gentlemans diſtreſſes,
In termes of hazard.--

FIT. By no meanes!

MER. I muſt
Get him this money, and will.--

FIT. Sir, I proteſt,
I’d rather ſtand engag’d for it my ſelfe: 90
Then you ſhould leaue mee.

MER. O good S^r. do you thinke
So courſely of our manners, that we would,
For any need of ours, be preſt to take it:
Though you be pleas’d to offer it.

FIT. Why, by heauen,
I meane it!

MER. I can neuer beleeue leſſe. 95
But wee, Sir, muſt preſerue our dignity,
As you doe publiſh yours. By your faire leaue, Sir.

_Hee offers to be gone._

FIT. As I am a Gentleman, if you doe offer
To leaue mee now, or if you doe refuſe mee, 99
I will not thinke you loue mee.

MER. Sir, I honour you.
And with iuſt reaſon, for theſe noble notes,
Of the nobility, you pretend too! But, Sir--
I would know, why? a motiue (he a ſtranger)
You ſhould doe this?

(EVE. You’ll mar all with your fineneſſe)

FIT. Why, that’s all one, if ’twere, Sir, but my fancy. 105
But I haue a _Buſineſſe_, that perhaps I’d haue
Brought to his _office_.

MER. O, Sir! I haue done, then;
If hee can be made profitable, to you. [134]

FIT. Yes, and it ſhall be one of my ambitions
To haue it the firſt _Buſineſſe_? May I not? 110

EVE. So you doe meane to make’t, a perfect _Buſineſſe_.

FIT. Nay, I’ll doe that, aſſure you: ſhew me once.

MER. S^r, it concernes, the firſt be a perfect _Buſineſſe_,
For his owne honour!

EVE. I, and th’ reputation
Too, of my place.

FIT. Why, why doe I take this courſe, elſe? 115
I am not altogether, an _Aſſe_, good Gentlemen,
Wherefore ſhould I conſult you? doe you thinke?
To make a ſong on’t? How’s your manner? tell vs.

MER. Doe, ſatisfie him: giue him the whole courſe.

EVE. Firſt, by requeſt, or otherwiſe, you offer 120
Your _Buſineſſe_ to the _Court_: wherein you craue:
The iudgement of the _Maſter_ and the _Aſsiſtants_.

FIT. Well, that’s done, now, what doe you vpon it?

EVE. We ſtreight S^r, haue recourſe to the ſpring-head;
Viſit the ground; and, ſo diſcloſe the nature: 125
If it will carry, or no. If wee doe finde,
By our proportions it is like to proue
A ſullen, and blacke _Bus’neſſe_ That it be
Incorrigible; and out of, treaty; then.
We file it, a _Dependance_!

FIT. So ’tis fil’d. 130
What followes? I doe loue the order of theſe things.

EVE. We then aduiſe the party, if he be
A man of meanes, and hauings, that forth-with,
He ſettle his eſtate: if not, at leaſt
That he pretend it. For, by that, the world 135
Takes notice, that it now is a _Dependance_.
And this we call, Sir, _Publication_.

FIT. Very ſufficient! After _Publication_, now?

EVE. Then we grant out our _Proceſſe_, which is diuers;
Eyther by _Chartell_, Sir, or _ore-tenus_, 140
Wherein the Challenger, and Challengee
Or (with your _Spaniard_) your _Prouocador_,
And _Prouocado_, haue their ſeuerall courſes--

FIT. I haue enough on’t! for an hundred pieces?
Yes, for two hundred, vnder-write me, doe. 145
Your man will take my bond?

MER. That he will, ſure.
But, theſe ſame Citizens, they are ſuch ſharks!
There’s an old debt of forty, I ga’ my word
For one is runne away, to the _Bermudas_,
And he will hooke in that, or he wi’ not doe. 150

_He whiſpers_ Fitz-dottrell _aſide_.

FIT. Why, let him. That and the ring, and a hundred pieces,
Will all but make two hundred?

MER. No, no more, Sir.
What ready _Arithmetique_ you haue? doe you heare?
_And then_ Guilt-head.
A pretty mornings worke for you, this? Do it,
You ſhall ha’ twenty pound on’t.

GVI. Twenty pieces? [135] 155

(PLV. Good Father, do’t)

MER. You will hooke ſtill? well,
Shew vs your ring. You could not ha’ done this, now
With gentleneſſe, at firſt, wee might ha’ thank’d you?
But groane, and ha’ your courteſies come from you
Like a hard ſtoole, and ſtinke? A man may draw 160
Your teeth out eaſier, then your money? Come,
Were little _Guilt-head_ heere, no better a nature,
I ſhould ne’r loue him, that could pull his lips off, now!
_He pulls_ Plutarchus _by the lips_.
Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman?

PLV. Yes, Sir.

MER. And went to the Court at _Chriſtmas_,
and S^t. _Georges-tide_? 165
And lent the Lords-men, chaines?

PLV. Of gold, and pearle, S^r.

MER. I knew, thou muſt take, after ſome body!
Thou could’ſt not be elſe. This was no ſhop-looke!
I’ll ha’ thee Captaine _Guilt-head_, and march vp,
And take in _Pimlico_, and kill the buſh, 170
At euery tauerne! Thou shalt haue a wife,
If ſmocks will mount, boy. How now? you ha’ there now
Some _Briſto-ſtone_, or _Corniſh_ counterfeit
You’ld put vpon vs.
_He turns to old_ Guilt-head.

GVI. No, Sir I aſſure you:
Looke on his luſter! hee will ſpeake himſelfe! 175
I’le gi’ you leaue to put him i’ the Mill,
H’is no great, large ſtone, but a true _Paragon_,
H’has all his corners, view him well.

MER. H’is yellow.

GVI. Vpo’ my faith, S^r, o’ the right black-water,
And very deepe! H’is ſet without a foyle, too. 180
Here’s one o’ the yellow-water, I’ll ſell cheape.

MER. And what do you valew this, at? thirty pound?

GVI. No, Sir, he cost me forty, ere he was ſet.

MER. Turnings, you meane? I know your _Equinocks_:
You’are growne the better Fathers of ’hem o’ late. 185
Well, where’t muſt goe, ’twill be iudg’d, and, therefore,
Looke you’t be right. You ſhall haue fifty pound for’t.
_Now to_ Fitz-dottrel.
Not a deneer more! And, becauſe you would
Haue things diſpatch’d, Sir, I’ll goe preſently,
Inquire out this _Lady_. If you thinke good, Sir. 190
Hauing an hundred pieces ready, you may
Part with thoſe, now, to ſerue my kinſmans turnes,
That he may wait vpon you, anon, the freer;
And take ’hem when you ha’ ſeal’d, a game, of _Guilt-head_.

FIT. I care not if I do!

MER. And diſpatch all, 195
Together.

FIT. There, th’are iuſt: a hundred pieces!
I’ ha’ told ’hem ouer, twice a day, theſe two moneths.

_Hee turnes ’hem out together.
And_ Euerill _and hee fall to ſhare_.

MER. Well, go, and ſeale, then, S^r, make your returne
As ſpeedy as you can.

EVE. Come gi’ mee.

MER. Soft, Sir.

EVE. Mary, and faire too, then. I’ll no delaying, Sir. 200

MER. But, you will heare?

EVE. Yes, when I haue my diuident.

MER. Theres forty pieces for you.

EVE. What is this for? [136]

MER. Your halfe. You know, that _Guilt-head_ muſt ha’ twenty.

EVE. And what’s your ring there? ſhall I ha’ none o’ that?

MER. O, thats to be giuen to a _Lady_! 205

EVE. Is’t ſo?

MER. By that good light, it is.

EV. Come, gi’ me
Ten pieces more, then.

MER. Why?

EV. For _Guilt-head_? Sir,
Do’you thinke, I’ll ’low him any ſuch ſhare:

MER. You muſt.

EVE. Muſt I? Doe you your muſts, Sir, I’ll doe mine,
You wi’ not part with the whole, Sir? Will you? Goe too. 210
Gi’ me ten pieces!

MER. By what law, doe you this?

EVE. E’n Lyon-law, Sir, I muſt roare elſe.

MER. Good!

EVE. Yo’ haue heard, how th’ _Aſſe_ made his diuiſions, wiſely?

MER. And, I am he: I thanke you.

EV. Much good do you, S^r.

MER. I ſhall be rid o’ this tyranny, one day?

EVE. Not,
While you doe eate; and lie, about the towne, here; 216
And coozen i’ your bullions; and I ſtand
Your name of credit, and compound your buſineſſe;
Adiourne your beatings euery terme; and make
New parties for your proiects. I haue, now, 220
A pretty taſque, of it, to hold you in
Wi’ your_ Lady Tayle-buſh_: but the toy will be,
How we ſhall both come off?

MER. Leaue you your doubting.
And doe your portion, what’s aſſign’d you: I
Neuer fail’d yet.

EVE. With reference to your aydes? 225
You’ll ſtill be vnthankfull. Where ſhall I meete you, anon?
You ha’ ſome feate to doe alone, now, I ſee;
You wiſh me gone, well, I will finde you out,
And bring you after to the audit.

MER. S’light!
There’s _Ingines_ ſhare too, I had forgot! This raigne 230
Is too-too-vnſuportable! I muſt
Quit my ſelfe of this vaſſalage! _Ingine!_ welcome.

[457] SD. om. G

[458] 1 [_takes Meer. aside._ G

[459] 7 I’m 1716, W I am G

[460] 16 think. [_They walk aside._ G

[461] 17 I’m 1716 I am W

[462] 21 SN. om. G

[463] 23 gartering W, G

[464] 32 Storer 1716 storer W, G

[465] 33 Sulters 1641

[466] 38 Bayliffs 1716 bailiffs W, G

[467] 39,43 SN. om. G

[468] 44 you’re 1716, W

[469] 52 _Enter_ FITZDOTTREL. || SN. om. G

[470] 53 part. [_They go up to Fitz._] G

[471] 57, 61 SN. om. G

[472] 68 since 1641, f.

[473] 90 I had G

[474] 97 SN. _Hee_ om. G

[475] 103 () ret. G

[476] 104 _Ever._ [_Aside to Meer._]

[477] 106 ’d] would G

[478] 114 the W

[479] 123 ’s] is G

[480] 127 our] your 1641

[481] 148 gave G

[482] 149 to] into 1641

[483] 150 SN.] [_Aside to Fitz._ G he wi’] he’ll G

[484] 153 SN.] [_Aside to Gilthead._ G

[485] 159 you] your 1641, f.

[486] 163 SN.] [_Pulls him by the lips._ G

[487] 165 George-G

[488] 166 Lords-] lords W lords’ G

[489] 173 Bristol stone W, G

[490] 174 SN. _He_, _old_ om. G

[491] 177 He is W, G

[492] 178 He has W, G

[493] 178, 180 He’s W, G

[494] 184 equivokes W, G

[495] 185 You’re 1716, W You are G || ’hem] ’em G || o’ ret. G

[496] 186 where it G

[497] 187 SN.] [_To Fitz._] G

[498] 188 dencer 1641 Denier 1716 denier W, G

[499] 196 they’re just a 1716, W they are just a G

[500] 197 SN.] [_Turns them out on table._ G

[501] 199 can. [_Exeunt Fitzdottrel, Gilthead, and Plutarchus._] me.
[_They fall to sharing_. G

[502] 201 Dividend 1716 dividend W, G

[503] 204 o’ ret. G

[504] 205 that is G

[505] 206 Is it W, G

[506] 208 allow 1692, f.

[507] 209 you om. 1692, 1716, W

[508] 212 E’n] Even G

[509] 213 You’ve 1716, W

[510] 218 your om. 1641

[511] 223 you om. 1641

[512] 227 to doe] to be done 1641

[513] 229 audit. [_Exit._ G

[514] 232 vassalage!--_Enter_ ENGINE, _followed by_ WITTIPOLL. G

ACT. IIJ. SCENE. IV.

MERE-CRAFT. INGINE. VVITTIPOL.

How goes the cry?

ING. Excellent well!

MER. Wil’t do?
VVhere’s _Robinſon_?

ING. Here is the Gentleman, Sir.
VVill vndertake t’himſelfe. I haue acquainted him.

MER. VVhy did you ſo?

ING. VVhy, _Robinſon_ would ha’ told him,
You know. And hee’s a pleaſant wit! will hurt 5
Nothing you purpoſe. Then, he’is of opinion,
That _Robinſon_ might want audacity, [129]
She being ſuch a gallant. Now, hee has beene,
In _Spaine_, and knowes the faſhions there; and can
Diſcourſe; and being but mirth (hee ſaies) leaue much, 10
To his care:

MER. But he is too tall!

_He excepts at his ſtature._

ING. For that,
He has the braueſt deuice! (you’ll loue him for’t)
To ſay, he weares _Cioppinos_: and they doe ſo
In _Spaine_. And _Robinſon’s_ as tall, as hee.

MER. Is he ſo?

ING. Euery iot.

MER. Nay, I had rather 15
To truſt a Gentleman with it, o’ the two.

ING. Pray you goe to him, then, Sir, and ſalute him.

MER. Sir, my friend _Ingine_ has acquainted you
With a ſtrange _buſineſſe_, here.

WIT. A merry one, Sir.
The _Duke_ of _Drown’d-land_, and his _Dutcheſſe_?

MER. Yes, Sir. 20
Now, that the _Coniurers_ ha’ laid him by,
I ha’ made bold, to borrow him a while;

WIT. With purpoſe, yet, to put him out I hope
To his beſt vſe?

MER. Yes, Sir.

WIT. For that ſmall part,
That I am truſted with, put off your care: 25
I would not loſe to doe it, for the mirth,
Will follow of it; and well, I haue a fancy.

MER. Sir, that will make it well.

WIT. You will report it ſo.
Where muſt I haue my dreſſing?

ING. At my houſe, Sir.

MER. You ſhall haue caution, Sir, for what he yeelds, 30
To ſix pence.

WIT. You ſhall pardon me. I will ſhare, Sir,
I’ your ſports, onely: nothing i’ your purchaſe.
But you muſt furniſh mee with complements,
To th’ manner of _Spaine_; my coach, my _guarda duenn’as_;

MER. _Ingine’s_ your _Pro’uedor_. But, Sir, I muſt 35
(Now I’haue entred truſt wi’ you, thus farre)
Secure ſtill i’ your quality, acquaint you
With ſomewhat, beyond this. The place, deſign’d
To be the _Scene_, for this our mery matter,
Becauſe it muſt haue countenance of women, 40
To draw diſcourse, and offer it, is here by,
At the _Lady Taile-buſhes_.

WIT. I know her, Sir.
And her Gentleman _huiſher_.

MER. M^r _Ambler_?

WIT. Yes, Sir.

MER. Sir, It ſhall be no ſhame to mee, to confeſſe
To you, that wee poore Gentlemen, that want acres, 45
Muſt for our needs, turne fooles vp, and plough _Ladies_
Sometimes, to try what glebe they are: and this
Is no vnfruitefull piece. She, and I now,
Are on a proiect, for the fact, and venting
Of a new kinde of _fucus_ (paint, for _Ladies_) 50
To ſerue the kingdome: wherein ſhee her ſelfe
Hath trauell’d, ſpecially, by way of ſeruice
Vnto her ſexe, and hopes to get the _Monopoly_,
As the reward of her inuention. [138]

WIT. What is her end, in this?

EV. Merely ambition, 55
Sir, to grow great, and court it with the ſecret:
Though ſhee pretend ſome other. For, ſhe’s dealing,
Already, vpon caution for the ſhares,
And M^r. _Ambler_, is hee nam’d _Examiner_
For the ingredients; and the _Register_ 60
Of what is vented; and ſhall keepe the _Office_.
Now, if ſhee breake with you, of this (as I
Muſt make the leading thred to your acquaintance,
That, how experience gotten i’ your being
Abroad, will helpe our buſinesse) thinke of ſome 65
Pretty additions, but to keep her floting:
It may be, ſhee will offer you a part,
Any ſtrange names of--

WIT. S^r, I haue my inſtructions.
Is it not high time to be making ready?

MER. Yes, Sir.

ING. The foole’s in ſight, _Dottrel_.

MER. Away, then. 70

[515] SD. om. G

[516] 1 ’t] it G

[517] 3 t’] ’t 1716, W it G

[518] 6 he’s 1692, f.

[519] 7 want] have 1641

[520] 11 SN. om. G

[521] 12 () ret. G

[522] 17 you to go 1716, W

[523] 35 _Provedore_ 1716 provedore W provedoré G

[524] 43 Usher 1716 usher W, G

[525] 47 Sometime 1692, 1716, W

[526] 55 EV.] _Meer._ 1716, f.

[527] 59 is hee] he is W, G

[528] 62, 65 () ret. G

[529] 70 [_Exeunt Engine and Wittipol._ G

ACT. IIJ. SCENE. V.

MERE-CRAFT. FITZ-DOTTREL. PVG.

Return’d ſo ſoone?

FIT. Yes, here’s the ring: I ha’ ſeal’d.
But there’s not ſo much gold in all the row, he ſaies--
Till’t come fro’ the Mint. ’Tis tane vp for the gameſters.

MER. There’s a ſhop-ſhift! plague on ’hem.

FIT. He do’s ſweare it.

MER. He’ll ſweare, and forſweare too, it is his trade, 5
You ſhould not haue left him.

FIT. S’lid, I can goe backe,
And beat him, yet.

MER. No, now let him alone.

FIT. I was ſo earneſt, after the maine _Buſineſſe_,
To haue this ring, gone.

MER. True, and ’tis time.
I’haue learned, Sir, ſin’ you went, her _Ladi-ſhip_ eats 10
With the _Lady Tail-buſh_, here, hard by.

FIT. I’ the lane here?

MER. Yes, if you’had a ſeruant, now of prefence,
Well cloth’d, and of an aëry voluble tongue,
Neither too bigge, or little for his mouth,
That could deliuer your wiues complement; 15
To ſend along withall.

FIT. I haue one Sir,
A very handſome, gentleman-like-fellow,
That I doe meane to make my _Dutcheſſe Vſher_--
I entertain’d him, but this morning, too:
I’ll call him to you. The worſt of him, is his name! 20

MER. She’ll take no note of that, but of his meſſage. [139]

_Hee ſhewes him his_ Pug.

FIT. _Diuell!_ How like you him, Sir. Pace, go a little.
Let’s ſee you moue.

MER. He’ll ſerue, S^r, giue it him:
And let him goe along with mee, I’ll helpe
To preſent him, and it.

FIT. Looke, you doe ſirah, 25
Diſcharge this well, as you expect your place.
Do’you heare, goe on, come off with all your honours.
_Giues him inſtructions._
I would faine ſee him, do it.

MER. Truſt him, with it;

FIT. Remember kiſſing of your hand, and anſwering
With the _French_-time, in flexure of your body. 30
I could now ſo inſtruct him--and for his words--

MER. I’ll put them in his mouth.

FIT. O, but I haue ’hem
O’ the very _Academies_.

MER. Sir, you’ll haue vſe for ’hem,
Anon, your ſelfe, I warrant you: after dinner,
When you are call’d.

FIT. S’light, that’ll be iuſt _play_-time. 35
_He longs to ſee the_ play.
It cannot be, I muſt not loſe the _play_!

MER. Sir, but you muſt, if ſhe appoint to ſit.
And, ſhee’s preſident.

FIT. S’lid, it is the _Diuell_.

_Becauſe it is the_ Diuell.

MER. And, ’twere his Damme too, you muſt now apply
Your ſelfe, Sir, to this, wholly; or loſe all. 40

FIT. If I could but ſee a piece--

MER. S^r. Neuer think on’t.

FIT. Come but to one act, and I did not care--
But to be ſeene to riſe, and goe away,
To vex the Players, and to puniſh their _Poet_--
Keepe him in awe!

MER. But ſay, that he be one, 45
Wi’ not be aw’d! but laugh at you. How then?

FIT. Then he ſhall pay for his’dinner himſelfe.

MER. Perhaps,
He would doe that twice, rather then thanke you.
Come, get the _Diuell_ out of your head, my _Lord_,
(I’ll call you ſo in priuate ſtill) and take 50
Your _Lord-ſhip_ i’ your minde. You were, ſweete _Lord_,
_He puts him in mind of his quarrell._
In talke to bring a _Buſineſſe_ to the _Office_.

FIT. Yes.

MER. Why ſhould not you, S^r, carry it o’ your ſelfe,
Before the _Office_ be vp? and ſhew the world,
You had no need of any mans direction; 55
In point, Sir, of ſufficiency. I ſpeake
Againſt a kinſman, but as one that tenders
Your graces good.

FIT. I thanke you; to proceed--

MER. To _Publications_: ha’ your _Deed_ drawne preſently.
And leaue a blancke to put in your _Feoffees_ 60
One, two, or more, as you ſee cauſe--

FIT. I thank you
Heartily, I doe thanke you. Not a word more,
I pray you, as you loue mee. Let mee alone.
That I could not thinke o’ this, as well, as hee?
O, I could beat my infinite blocke-head--! 65

_He is angry with himſelfe._

MER. Come, we muſt this way.

PVG. How far is’t.

MER. Hard by here
Ouer the way. Now, to atchieue this ring,
From this ſame fellow, that is to aſſure it; [140]
_He thinkes how to coozen the bearer, of the ring._
Before hee giue it. Though my _Spaniſh Lady_,
Be a young Gentleman of meanes, and ſcorne 70
To ſhare, as hee doth ſay, I doe not know
How ſuch a toy may tempt his _Lady-ſhip_:
And therefore, I thinke beſt, it be aſſur’d.

PVG. Sir, be the _Ladies_ braue, wee goe vnto?

MER. O, yes.

PVG. And ſhall I ſee ’hem, and ſpeake to ’hem? 75

MER. What elſe? ha’ you your falſe-beard about you? _Traines._

_Questions his man._

TRA. Yes.

MER. And is this one of your double Cloakes?

TRA. The beſt of ’hem.

MER. Be ready then. Sweet _Pitfall_!

[530] SD. ACT. ...] _Re-enter_ FITZDOTTREL. G

[531] 3 Till it G || from G§

[532] 8 comma after ‘earnest’ om. 1716, f.

[533] 9 it is W, G

[534] 10 since G

[535] 14 or] nor W, G

[536] 21, 27, 35 SN. om. G

[537] 22 Devil!--_Enter_ PUG. G

[538] 27 Do’you] D’you 1692, 1716, W

[539] 30 in] and W, G

[540] 31 now] not 1641

[541] 38 she is W, G

[542] 39 And,] An G

[543] 38, 51 SN. om. G

[544] 47 Then] That 1692, 1716 || for’s 1692, f.

[545] 50 () ret. G

[546] 53 o’] on G

[547] 59 publication G

[548] 60 leave me a 1692, 1716, W

[549] 65 SN.] [_Exeunt._ SCENE II. _The Lane near the Lady_
Tailbush’s _House. Enter_ MEERCRAFT _followed by_ PUG. G

[550] 67 way. [_They cross over._] G

[551] 68 SN. om. G || is] is, W, G

[552] 73 [_Aside._ G

[553] 76 else? _Enter_ TRAINS. || SN. om. G

[554] 78 then. [_Exeunt._ SCENE III. _A Hall in Lady_ Tailbush’s
_House_. _Enter_ MEERCRAFT _and_ PUG, _met by_ PITFALL. G

ACT. IIJ. SCENE. VI.

MERE-CRAFT. PITFALL. PVG.
TRAINES.

Come, I muſt buſſe--

_Offers to kiſſe._

PIT. Away. MER. I’ll ſet thee vp again.
Neuer feare that: canſt thou get ne’r a bird?
No _Thruſhes_ hungry? Stay, till cold weather come,
I’ll help thee to an _Ouſell_, or, a _Field-fare_.
Who’s within, with Madame?

PIT. I’ll tell you straight. 5

_She runs in, in haſte: he followes._

MER. Pleaſe you ſtay here, a while Sir, I’le goe in.

PVG. I doe ſo long to haue a little venery,
While I am in this body! I would taſt
Of euery ſinne, a little, if it might be
After the māner of man! _Sweet-heart!_

PIT. What would you, S^r? 10

Pug _leaps at_ Pitfall’s _comming in_.

PVG. Nothing but fall in, to you, be your Black-bird,
My pretty pit (as the Gentleman ſaid) your _Throſtle_:
Lye tame, and taken with you; here’is gold!
To buy you ſo much new ſtuffes, from the ſhop,
As I may take the old vp--

TRA. You muſt send, Sir. 15
The Gentleman the ring.

Traine’s _in his falſe cloak, brings a falſe
meſſage, and gets the ring_.

PVG. There ’tis. Nay looke,
Will you be fooliſh, _Pit_.

PIT. This is ſtrange rudeneſſe.

PVG. Deare _Pit_.

PIT. I’ll call, I ſweare.

Mere-craft _followes preſently, and askes for it_.

MER. Where are you, S^r?
Is your ring ready? Goe with me.

PVG. I ſent it you.

MER. Me? When? by whom?

PVG. A fellow here, e’en now, 20
Came for it i’ your name.

MER. I ſent none, ſure.
My meaning euer was, you ſhould deliuer it,
Your ſelfe: So was your Maſters charge, you know.
_Ent._ Train’s _as himſelfe againe_.
What fellow was it, doe you know him?

PVG. Here,
But now, he had it.

MER. Saw you any? _Traines_? 25

TRA. Not I.

PVG. The Gentleman ſaw him.

MER. Enquire.

PVG. I was ſo earneſt vpon her, I mark’d not!
_The_ Diuell _confeſſeth himſelfe coozen’d_.
My diuelliſh _Chiefe_ has put mee here in flesh, [141]
To ſhame mee! This dull body I am in,
I perceiue nothing with! I offer at nothing, 30
That will ſucceed!

TRA. Sir, ſhe ſaw none, ſhe ſaies.

PVG. _Satan_ himſelfe, has tane a ſhape t’abuſe me.
It could not be elſe.

MER. This is aboue ſtrange!
Mere-craft _accuſeth him of negligence_.
That you ſhould be ſo retchleſſe. What’ll you do, Sir?
How will you anſwer this, when you are queſtion’d? 35

PVG. Run from my fleſh, if I could: put off mankind!
This’s ſuch a ſcorne! and will be a new exerciſe,
For my _Arch-Duke_! Woe to the ſeuerall cudgells,
Muſt suffer, on this backe! Can you no ſuccours? Sir? 39

_He asketh ayde._

MER. Alas! the vſe of it is ſo preſent.

PVG. I aske,
Sir, credit for another, but till to morrow?

MER. There is not ſo much time, Sir. But how euer,
The lady is a noble Lady, and will
(To ſaue a Gentleman from check) be intreated
Mere-craft _promiſeth faintly, yet comforts him_.
To ſay, ſhe ha’s receiu’d it.

PVG. Do you thinke ſo? 45
Will ſhee be won?

MER. No doubt, to ſuch an office,
It will be a Lady’s brauery, and her pride.

PVG. And not be knowne on’t after, vnto him?

MER. That were a treachery! Vpon my word,
Be confident. Returne vnto your maſter, 50
My _Lady Preſident_ ſits this after-noone,
Ha’s tane the ring, commends her ſeruices
Vnto your _Lady-Dutcheſſe_. You may ſay
She’s a ciuill _Lady_, and do’s giue her
All her reſpects, already: Bad you, tell her 55
She liues, but to receiue her wiſh’d commandements,
And haue the honor here to kiſſe her hands:
For which ſhee’ll ſtay this houre yet. Haſten you
Your _Prince_, away.

PVG. And Sir, you will take care
Th’ excuſe be perfect?

MER. You confeſſe your feares. 60
_The_ Diuel _is doubtfull_.
Too much.

PVG. The ſhame is more, I’ll quit you of either.

[555] SD. om.

[556] 1 SN.] [_Offers to kiss her._ G

[557] 5 SN. [_Exit hastily._ (after 5) [_Exit._ (after 6) G

[558] 10 SN.] Sweetheart! _Re-enter_ PITFALL. || sir?
[_Pug runs to her._ G

[559] 16 SN.] _Enter_ TRAINS _in his false beard and cloke_.
(after ’vp--’15) [_Exit Trains._] (after ‘tis’ 16) G

[560] 18 SN. _Enter_ MEERCRAFT. G

[561] 21 for’t W

[562] 23 SN.] _Re-enter_ TRAINS _dressed as at first_. G

[563] 26 Gentlewoman 1716 gentlewoman W, G

[564] 27, 33, 39 SN. om. G

[565] 31 succeed! [_Aside._ G

[566] 33 else! [_Aside._ G

[567] 34 ’ll] will G

[568] 37 ’s] is G

[569] 39 back! [_Aside._] G

[570] 44 entreated W, G

[571] 45 has 1692, f. passim

[572] 44, 60 SN. om. G

[573] 60 period om. 1716, f.

[574] 61 I’ll ...] _Meer._ I’ll ... W, G

[575] 61 [_Exeunt_ G

ACT. IIIJ. SCENE. I. [142]

TAILE-BVSH. MERE-CRAFT. MANLY.

A Pox vpo’ referring to _Commiſsioners_,
I’had rather heare that it were paſt the ſeales:
Your _Courtiers_ moue ſo Snaile-like i’ your _Buſineſſe_.
Wuld I had begun wi’ you.

MER. We muſt moue,
_Madame_, in order, by degrees: not iump. 5

TAY. Why, there was S^r. _Iohn Monie-man_ could iump
A _Buſineſſe_ quickely.

MER. True, hee had great friends,
But, becauſe ſome, ſweete _Madame_, can leape ditches,
Wee muſt not all ſhunne to goe ouer bridges.
The harder parts, I make account are done: 10
_He flatters her._
Now, ’tis referr’d. You are infinitly bound
Vnto’the _Ladies_, they ha’ so cri’d it vp!

TAY. Doe they like it then?

MER. They ha’ ſent the _Spaniſh-Lady_,
To gratulate with you--

TAY. I must ſend ’hem thankes
And ſome remembrances.

MER. That you muſt, and viſit ’hem. 15
Where’s _Ambler_?

TAY. Loſt, to day, we cannot heare of him.

MER. Not _Madam_?

TAY. No in good faith. They ſay he lay not
At home, to night. And here has fall’n a _Buſineſſe_
Betweene your Couſin, and Maſter _Manly_, has
Vnquieted vs all.

MER. So I heare, _Madame_. 20
Pray you how was it?

TAY. Troth, it but appeares
Ill o’ your Kinſmans part. You may haue heard,
That _Manly_ is a ſutor to me, I doubt not:

MER. I gueſs’d it, _Madame_.

TAY. And it ſeemes, he truſted
Your Couſin to let fall some faire reports 25
Of him vnto mee.

MER. Which he did!

TAY. So farre
From it, as hee came in, and tooke him rayling
Againſt him.

MER. How! And what said _Manly_ to him?

TAY. Inough, I doe aſſure you: and with that ſcorne
Of him, and the iniury, as I doe wonder 30
How _Euerill_ bore it! But that guilt vndoe’s
Many mens valors.

MER. Here comes _Manly_.

MAN. _Madame_, [143]
I’ll take my leaue--

Manly _offers to be gone_.

TAY. You ſha’ not goe, i’ faith.
I’ll ha’ you ſtay, and ſee this _Spaniſh_ miracle,
Of our _Engliſh Ladie_.

MAN. Let me pray your _Ladiſhip_, 35
Lay your commands on me, some other time.

TAY. Now, I proteſt: and I will haue all piec’d,
And friends againe.

MAN. It will be but ill ſolder’d!

TAY. You are too much affected with it.

MAN. I cannot
_Madame_, but thinke on’t for th’ iniuſtice.

TAY. Sir, 40
His kinſman here is ſorry.

MER. Not I, _Madam_,
I am no kin to him, wee but call Couſins,
Mere-craft _denies him_.
And if wee were, Sir, I haue no relation
Vnto his crimes.

MAN. You are not vrged with ’hem.
I can accuſe, Sir, none but mine owne iudgement, 45
For though it were his crime, ſo to betray mee:
I am ſure, ’twas more mine owne, at all to truſt him.
But he, therein, did vſe but his old manners,
And fauour ſtrongly what hee was before.

TAY. Come, he will change!

MAN. Faith, I muſt neuer think it. 50
Nor were it reaſon in mee to expect
That for my ſake, hee ſhould put off a nature
Hee ſuck’d in with his milke. It may be _Madam_,
Deceiuing truſt, is all he has to truſt to:
If ſo, I ſhall be loath, that any hope 55
Of mine, ſhould bate him of his meanes.

TAY. Yo’ are ſharp, Sir.
This act may make him honeſt!

MAN. If he were
To be made honeſt, by an act of _Parliament_,
I ſhould not alter, i’ my faith of him.

TAY. _Eyther-ſide!_
Welcome, deare _Either-ſide_! how haſt thou done, good wench?
_She spies the_ Lady Eyther-ſide.
Thou haſt beene a ſtranger! I ha’ not ſeene thee, this weeke. 61

[576] SD. IIIJ] VI. 1641 TAILE. ...] _A room in Lady_ TAILBUSH’S
_House. Enter Lady_ TAILBUSH _and_ MEERCRAFT. G

[577] 10 SN. om. G

[578] 32 valours. _Enter_ MANLY. G

[579] 33 SN. om. G

[580] 42 SN. om. G

[581] 43 wee] he G

[582] 47 I’m 1716, W

[583] 56 Y’are 1716, W

[584] 59 him. _Enter Lady_ EITHERSIDE.

[585] 60 SN. om. G

ACT. IIIJ. SCENE. II.

EITHERSIDE. {_To them_

Ever your ſeruant, _Madame_.

TAY. Where hast ’hou beene? [144]
I did ſo long to ſee thee.

EIT. Viſiting, and ſo tyr’d!
I proteſt, _Madame_, ’tis a monſtrous trouble!

TAY. And ſo it is. I ſweare I muſt to morrow,
Beginne my viſits (would they were ouer) at _Court_. 5
It tortures me, to thinke on ’hem.

EIT. I doe heare
You ha’ cauſe, Madam, your ſute goes on.

TAY. Who told thee?

EYT. One, that can tell: M^r. _Eyther-ſide_.

TAY. O, thy huſband!
Yes, faith, there’s life in’t, now: It is referr’d.
If wee once ſee it vnder the ſeales, wench, then, 10
Haue with ’hem for the great _Carroch_, ſixe horſes,
And the two _Coach-men_, with my _Ambler_, bare,
And my three women: wee will liue, i’ faith,
The examples o’ the towne, and gouerne it.
I’le lead the faſhion ſtill.

EIT. You doe that, now, 15
Sweet _Madame_.

TAY. O, but then, I’ll euery day
Bring vp ſome new deuice. Thou and I, _Either-ſide_,
Will firſt be in it. I will giue it thee;
And they ſhall follow vs. Thou ſhalt, I ſweare,
Weare euery moneth a new gowne, out of it. 20

EITH. Thanke you good _Madame_.

TAY. Pray thee call mee _Taile-buſh_
As I thee, _Either-ſide_: I not loue this, _Madame_.

ETY. Then I proteſt to you, _Taile-buſh_, I am glad
Your _Buſineſſe_ ſo ſucceeds.

TAY. Thanke thee, good _Eyther-ſide_.

ETY. But Maſter _Either-ſide_ tells me, that he likes 25
Your other _Buſineſſe_ better.

TAY. Which?

EIT. O’ the Tooth-picks.

TAY. I neuer heard on’t.

EIT. Aske M^r. _Mere-craft_.

MER. _Madame?_ H’is one, in a word, I’ll truſt his malice,
With any mans credit, I would haue abus’d!

Mere-craft _hath whiſper’d with the while_.

MAN. Sir, if you thinke you doe pleaſe mee, in this, 30
You are deceiu’d!

MER. No, but becauſe my _Lady_,
Nam’d him my kinſman; I would ſatisfie you,
What I thinke of him: and pray you, vpon it
To iudge mee!

MAN. So I doe: that ill mens friendſhip,
Is as vnfaithfull, as themſelues.

TAY. Doe you heare? 35
Ha’ you a _Buſineſſe_ about Tooth-picks?

MER. Yes, _Madame_.
Did I ne’r tell’t you? I meant to haue offer’d it
Your _Lady-ſhip_, on the perfecting the pattent. [145]

TAY. How is’t!

MER. For ſeruing the whole ſtate with Tooth-picks;
_The_ Proiect _for_ Tooth-picks.
(Somewhat an intricate _Buſineſſe_ to diſcourſe) but-- 40
I ſhew, how much the Subiect is abus’d,
Firſt, in that one commodity? then what diſeaſes,
And putrefactions in the gummes are bred,
By thoſe are made of adultrate, and falſe wood?
My plot, for reformation of theſe, followes. 45
To haue all Tooth-picks, brought vnto an _office_,
There ſeal’d; and ſuch as counterfait ’hem, mulcted.
And laſt, for venting ’hem to haue a booke
Printed, to teach their vſe, which euery childe
Shall haue throughout the kingdome, that can read, 50
And learne to picke his teeth by. Which beginning
Earely to practice, with ſome other rules,
Of neuer ſleeping with the mouth open, chawing
Some graines of _maſticke_, will preſerue the breath
Pure, and ſo free from taynt--ha’ what is’t? ſaiſt thou?

Traines _his man whiſpers him_.

TAY. Good faith, it ſounds a very pretty _Bus’neſſe_! 56

EIT. So M^r. _Either-ſide_ ſaies, _Madame_.

MER. The _Lady_ is come.

TAY. Is ſhe? Good, waite vpon her in. My _Ambler_
Was neuer ſo ill abſent. _Either-ſide_,
How doe I looke to day? Am I not dreſt, 60
Spruntly?

_She lookes in her glaſſe._

EIT. Yes, verily, _Madame_.

TAY. Pox o’ _Madame_, Will you not leaue that?

EIT. Yes, good _Taile-buſh_.

TAY. So?
Sounds not that better? What vile _Fucus_ is this,
Thou haſt got on?

EIT. ’Tis _Pearle_.

TAY. _Pearle?_ _Oyſter-ſhells_:
As I breath, _Either-side_, I know’t. Here comes 65
(They say) a wonder, ſirrah, has beene in _Spaine_!
Will teach vs all; ſhee’s ſent to mee, from _Court_.
To gratulate with mee! Pr’y thee, let’s obſerue her,
What faults ſhe has, that wee may laugh at ’hem,
When ſhe is gone.

EIT. That we will heartily, _Tail-buſh_. 70

Wittipol _enters_.

TAY. O, mee! the very _Infanta_ of the _Giants_!

[586] SD. om. G

[587] 1 thou 1692, f.

[588] 22 not loue] love not 1716, f.

[589] 26 O’] O, 1641

[590] 27 on’t] of it G

[591] 28 Madam! [_Aside to Manly._] G || He is G

[592] 29 SN. _with him the_ 1692, 1716, W SN. om. G

[593] 37 tell it G

[594] 39 is it G || SN. om. G

[595] 40 an] in 1641

[596] 42 disease W

[597] 44 adulterate G

[598] 53 chewing 1716, f.

[599] 55 SN.] taint--_Enter_ TRAINS, _and whispers him_. G

[600] 58 in. [_Exit Meercraft._] G

[601] 61 SN.] _She_ om. G || o’ ret. G

[602] 68 Prythee 1692 Prithee 1716 prithee W, G

[603] 70 SN.] _Re-enter_ MEERCRAFT, _introducing_ WITTIPOL _dressed
as a Spanish Lady_. G

ACT. IIIJ. SCENE. IJI.

MERE-CRAFT. WITTIPOL. } to them.

Wittipol _is dreſt like a_ Spaniſh Lady.
MER. Here is a noble _Lady_, _Madame_, come, [146]
From your great friends, at _Court_, to ſee your _Ladi-ſhip_:
And haue the honour of your acquaintance.

TAY. Sir.
She do’s vs honour.

WIT. Pray you, ſay to her _Ladiſhip_,
It is the manner of _Spaine_, to imbrace onely, 5
Neuer to kiſſe. She will excuſe the cuſtome!

_Excuſes him ſelfe for not kiſſing._

TAY. Your vſe of it is law. Pleaſe you, ſweete, _Madame_,
To take a ſeate.

WIT. Yes, _Madame_. I’haue had
The fauour, through a world of faire report
To know your vertues, _Madame_; and in that 10
Name, haue deſir’d the happineſſe of preſenting
My ſeruice to your _Ladiſhip_!

TAY. Your loue, _Madame_,
I muſt not owne it elſe.

WIT. Both are due, _Madame_,
To your great vndertakings.

TAY. Great? In troth, _Madame_,
They are my friends, that thinke ’hem any thing: 15
If I can doe my ſexe (by ’hem) any ſeruice,
I’haue my ends, _Madame_.

WIT. And they are noble ones,
That make a multitude beholden, _Madame_:
The common-wealth of _Ladies_, muſt acknowledge from you.

EIT. Except ſome enuious, _Madame_.

WIT. Yo’ are right in that, _Madame_, 20
Of which race, I encountred ſome but lately.
Who (’t ſeemes) haue ſtudyed reaſons to diſcredit
Your _buſineſſe_.

TAY. How, ſweet _Madame_.

WIT. Nay, the parties
Wi’ not be worth your pauſe--Moſt ruinous things, _Madame_,
That haue put off all hope of being recouer’d 25
To a degree of handſomeneſſe.

TAY. But their reaſons, _Madame_?
I would faine heare.

WIT. Some _Madame_, I remember.
They ſay, that painting quite deſtroyes the face--

EIT. O, that’s an old one, _Madame_.

WIT. There are new ones, too.
Corrupts the breath; hath left ſo little ſweetneſſe 30
In kiſſing, as ’tis now vſ’d, but for faſhion:
And ſhortly will be taken for a puniſhment.
Decayes the fore-teeth, that ſhould guard the tongue;
And ſuffers that runne riot euer-laſting!
And (which is worſe) ſome _Ladies_ when they meete 35
Cannot be merry, and laugh, but they doe ſpit
In one anothers faces!

MAN. I ſhould know
This voyce, and face too:

Manly _begins to know him_.

VVIT. Then they ſay, ’tis dangerous [147]
To all the falne, yet well diſpos’d _Mad-dames_,
That are induſtrious, and deſire to earne 40
Their liuing with their ſweate! For any diſtemper
Of heat, and motion, may diſplace the colours;
And if the paint once runne about their faces,
Twenty to one, they will appeare ſo ill-fauour’d,
Their ſeruants run away, too, and leaue the pleaſure 45
Imperfect, and the reckoning all vnpay’d.

EIT. Pox, theſe are _Poets_ reaſons.

TAY. Some old _Lady_
That keepes a _Poet_, has deuis’d theſe ſcandales.

EIT. Faith we muſt haue the _Poets_ baniſh’d, _Madame_,
As Maſter _Either-ſide_ ſaies.

MER. Maſter _Fitz-dottrel_? 50
And his wife: where? _Madame_, the _Duke_ of _Drown’d-land_,
That will be ſhortly.

VVIT. Is this my _Lord_?

MER. The ſame.

[604] SD. om. G

[605] 1 SN. is om. 1692, 1716, W || For G see 70 above.

[606] 5 embrace 1716, f.

[607] 6 SN. om. G

[608] 16 ’em G

[609] 20 Yo’] Y’ 1716, W

[610] 22 ’t] it G

[611] 38 SN.] [_Aside._ G

[612] 39 _Mad-dams_ 1692, 1716 mad-dams W mad-ams G

[613] 46 also G

[614] 51 wife! _Wit._ Where? _Enter Mr. and Mrs._ FITZDOTTREL,
_followed by_ PUG. _Meer._ [_To Wit._] Madam, G

ACT. IIIJ. SCENE. IV.

FITZ-DOTTREL. Miſtreſſe FITZ-DOTTRELL.
PVG. } _to them._

Your ſeruant, _Madame_!

VVIT. How now? Friend? offended,
That I haue found your haunt here?

Wittipol _whiſpers with_ Manly.

MAN. No, but wondring
At your ſtrange faſhion’d venture, hither.

VVIT. It is
To ſhew you what they are, you ſo purſue.

MAN. I thinke ’twill proue a med’cine againſt marriage;
To know their manners.

VVIT. Stay, and profit then. 6

MER. The _Lady_, _Madame_, whose _Prince_ has brought her, here,
To be inſtructed.

_Hee preſents Miſtreſſe_ Fitz-dottrel.

VVIT. Pleaſe you ſit with vs, _Lady_.

MER. That’s _Lady-Preſident_.

FIT. A goodly woman!
I cannot ſee the ring, though.

MER. Sir, ſhe has it. 10

TAY. But, _Madame_, theſe are very feeble reaſons!

WIT. So I vrg’d _Madame_, that the new complexion,
Now to come forth, in name o’ your _Ladiſhip’s fucus_,
Had no _ingredient_--

TAY. But I durſt eate, I aſſure you.

WIT. So do they, in _Spaine_.

TAY. Sweet _Madam_ be ſo liberall, 15
To giue vs ſome o’ your _Spaniſh Fucuſes_!

VVIT. They are infinit, _Madame_.

TAY. So I heare, they haue
VVater of _Gourdes_, of _Radiſh_, the white _Beanes_,
Flowers of _Glaſſe_, of _Thiſtles_, _Roſe-marine_.
Raw _Honey_, _Muſtard-ſeed_, and Bread dough-bak’d, 20
The crums o’ bread, _Goats-milke_, and whites of _Egges_,
_Campheere_, and _Lilly-roots_, the fat of _Swannes_,
Marrow of _Veale_, white _Pidgeons_, and pine-_kernells_, [148]
The ſeedes of _Nettles_, _perse’line_, and _hares gall_.
_Limons_, thin-skind--

EIT. How, her _Ladiſhip_ has ſtudied 25
Al excellent things!

VVIT. But ordinary, _Madame_.
No, the true rarities, are th’ _Aluagada_,
And _Argentata_ of Queene _Isabella_!

TAY. I, what are their _ingredients_, gentle _Madame_?

WIT. Your _Allum Scagliola_, or _Pol-dipedra_; 30
And _Zuccarino_; _Turpentine_ of _Abezzo_,
Wash’d in nine waters: _Soda di leuante_,
Or your _Ferne_ aſhes; _Beniamin di gotta_;
_Graſſo di ſerpe_; _Porcelletto marino_;
Oyles of _Lentiſco_; _Zucche Mugia_; make 35
The admirable _Verniſh_ for the face,
Giues the right luſter; but two drops rub’d on
VVith a piece of ſcarlet, makes a _Lady_ of ſixty
Looke at ſixteen. But, aboue all, the water
Of the white _Hen_, of the _Lady Eſtifanias_! 40

TAY. O, I, that ſame, good _Madame_, I haue heard of:
How is it done?

VVIT. _Madame_, you take your _Hen_,
Plume it, and skin it, cleanſe it o’ the inwards:
Then chop it, bones and all: adde to foure ounces
Of _Carrauicins_, _Pipitas_, _Sope_ of _Cyprus_, 45
Make the decoction, ſtreine it. Then diſtill it,
And keep it in your galley-pot well glidder’d:
Three drops preſerues from wrinkles, warts, ſpots, moles,
Blemiſh, or Sun-burnings, and keepes the skin
_In decimo ſexto_, euer bright, and ſmooth, 50
As any looking-glaſſe; and indeed, is call’d
The Virgins milke for the face, _Oglio reale_;
A Ceruſe, neyther cold or heat, will hurt;
And mixt with oyle of _myrrhe_, and the red _Gilli-flower_
Call’d _Cataputia_; and flowers of _Rouiſtico_; 55
Makes the beſt _muta_, or dye of the whole world.

TAY. Deare _Madame_, will you let vs be familiar?

WIT. Your _Ladiſhips_ ſeruant.

MER. How do you like her.

FIT. Admirable!
But, yet, I cannot ſee the ring.

_Hee is iealous about his_ ring, _and_ Mere-craft _deliuers it._

PVG. Sir.

MER. I muſt
Deliuer it, or marre all. This foole’s ſo iealous. 60
_Madame_--Sir, weare this ring, and pray you take knowledge,
’Twas ſent you by his wife. And giue her thanks,
Doe not you dwindle, Sir, beare vp.

PVG. I thanke you, Sir.

TAY. But for the manner of _Spaine_! Sweet, _Madame_, let vs
Be bold, now we are in: Are all the _Ladies_, 65
There, i’ the faſhion?

VVIT. None but _Grandee’s_, _Madame_,
O’ the claſp’d traine, which may be worne at length, too,
Or thus, vpon my arme.

TAY. And doe they weare
_Cioppino’s_ all?

VVIT. If they be dreſt in _punto_, _Madame_.

EIT. Guilt as thoſe are? _madame?_

WIT. Of Goldſmiths work, _madame_; [149] 70
And ſet with diamants: and their _Spaniſh_ pumps
Of perfum’d leather.

TAI. I ſhould thinke it hard
To go in ’hem, _madame_.

WIT. At the firſt, it is, _madame_.

TAI. Do you neuer fall in ’hem?

WIT. Neuer.

EI. I ſweare, I ſhould
Six times an houre.

WIT. But you haue men at hand, ſstill,
To helpe you, if you fall?

EIT. Onely one, madame, 76
The _Guardo-duennas_, ſuch a little old man,
As this.

EIT. Alas! hee can doe nothing! this!

WIT. I’ll tell you, madame,
I ſaw i’ the _Court_ of _Spaine_ once,
A _Lady_ fall i’ the Kings ſight, along, 80
And there ſhee lay, flat ſpred, as an _Vmbrella_,
Her hoope here crack’d; no man durſt reach a hand
To helpe her, till the _Guarda-duenn’as_ came,
VVho is the perſon onel’ allow’d to touch
A _Lady_ there: and he but by this finger. 85

EIT. Ha’ they no ſeruants, _madame_, there? nor friends?

WIT. An _Eſcudero_, or ſo _madame_, that wayts
Vpon ’hem in another Coach, at diſtance,
And when they walke, or daunce, holds by a hand-kercher,
Neuer preſumes to touch ’hem.

EIT. This’s ſciruy! 90
And a forc’d grauity! I doe not like it.
I like our owne much better.

TAY. ’Tis more _French_,
And _Courtly_ ours.

EIT. And taſts more liberty.
VVe may haue our doozen of viſiters, at once,
Make loue t’vs.

TAY. And before our husbands?

EIT. Huſband? 95
As I am honeſt, _Tayle-buſh_ I doe thinke
If no body ſhould loue mee, but my poore husband,
I ſhould e’n hang my ſelfe.

TAY. Fortune forbid, wench:
So faire a necke ſhould haue ſo foule a neck-lace.

EIT. ’Tis true, as I am handſome!

WIT. I receiu’d, _Lady_, 100
A token from you, which I would not bee
Rude to refuſe, being your firſt remembrance.

(FIT. O, I am ſatisfied now!
MER. Do you ſee it, Sir.)

WIT. But ſince you come, to know me, neerer, _Lady_,
I’ll begge the honour, you will weare for mee, 105
It muſt be ſo.

Wittipol _giues it Miſtreſſe_ Fitz-dottrel.

M^rs. FIT. Sure I haue heard this tongue.

MER. What do you meane, S^r?

Mere-craft _murmures,_

WIT. Would you ha’ me mercenary?
We’ll recompence it anon, in ſomewhat elſe.

_He is ſatisfied, now he ſees it._

FIT. I doe not loue to be gull’d, though in a toy.
VVife, doe you heare? yo’ are come into the Schole, wife,
VVhere you may learne, I doe perceiue it, any thing! 111
How to be fine, or faire, or great, or proud,
Or what you will, indeed, wife; heere ’tis taught.
And I am glad on’t, that you may not ſay,
Another day, when honours come vpon you, 115
You wanted meanes. I ha’ done my parts: beene,
Today at fifty pound charge, firſt, for a ring, [150]
_He vpbraids her, with his Bill of coſts._
To get you entred. Then left my new _Play_,
To wait vpon you, here, to ſee’t confirm’d.
That I may ſay, both to mine owne eyes, and eares, 120
Senſes, you are my witneſſe, ſha’ hath inioy’d
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money--

M^rs. FIT. To make a foole of her.

FIT. Wife, that’s your malice,
The wickedneſſe o’ you nature to interpret
Your husbands kindeſſe thus. But I’ll not leaue; 125
Still to doe good, for your deprau’d affections:
Intend it. Bend this ſtubborne will; be great.

TAY. Good _Madame_, whom do they vſe in meſſages?

WIT. They comonly vſe their ſlaues, _Madame_.

TAI. And do’s your _Ladiſhip_.
Thinke that ſo good, _Madame_?

WIT. no, indeed, _Madame_; I, 130
Therein preferre the faſhion of _England_ farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or diſcreet Vſher.

FIT. And I goe with your _Ladiſhip_, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-vſher.
There’s not a finer _Officer_ goes on ground. 135

WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place, once.

FIT. Nay, ſo I preſuppoſe him.

WIT. And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue ’hem call’d
Our _Eſcudero’s_.

FIT. Good.

WIT. Say, I ſhould ſend
To your _Ladiſhip_, who (I preſume) has gather’d 140
All the deare ſecrets, to know how to make
_Paſtillos_ of the _Dutcheſſe_ of _Braganza_,
_Coquettas_, _Almoiauana’s_, _Mantecada’s_,
_Alcoreas_, _Muſtaccioli_; or ſay it were
The _Peladore_ of _Isabella_, or _balls_ 145
Againſt the itch, or _aqua nanfa_, or _oyle_
Of _Ieſſamine_ for gloues, of the _Marqueſſe Muja_:
Or for the head, and hayre: why, theſe are _offices_.

FIT. Fit for a gentleman, not a ſlaue. They onely
Might aske for your _pineti_, _Spaniſh_-cole, 150
To burne, and ſweeten a roome; but the _Arcana_
Of _Ladies_ Cabinets--

FIT. Should be elſe-where truſted.
Yo’ are much about the truth. Sweet honoured _Ladies_,
_He enters himſelfe with the_ Ladies.
Let mee fall in wi’ you. I’ha’ my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what ſutes 155
A _Lady_ of ſpirit, or a woman of faſhion!

WIT. And you would haue your wife ſuch.

FIT. Yes, _Madame_, aërie,
Light; not to plaine diſhoneſty, I meane:
But, ſomewhat o’ this ſide.

WIT. I take you, Sir.
H’has reaſon _Ladies_. I’ll not giue this ruſh 160
For any _Lady_, that cannot be honeſt
Within a thred.

TAY. Yes, _Madame_, and yet venter
As far for th’other, in her Fame--