Chapter VII: Part 7

A poor Country-woman of _Poitou_ fell into such a Lethargy, that her Husband, and all the Women of the Neighbourhood, gave her over for Dead. In order to bury her, they only wrapt her up in a Sheet, as ’tis usual with the poor People of that Province. As she was carried to the Church-Yard, they pass’d so pear a Thorn-bush, that being prickt to the Quick by the Thorns, she came out of her Lethargy; but some Years after she died in good earnest. Her Husband apprehensive of another Resurrection, remembred the Thorn-bush. And when his Wife’s Corps came near it, he fail’d not crying several times, _Take heed of the Thorn-bush, do not come too near the Hedge_.

144

Une Pauvre Païsane du _Poitou_ tomba malade d’une si grande
Lethargie, que son Mari & toutes les Femmes du voisinage la crurent
morte. Pour l’enterrer, on ne fit que l’enveloper d’un Drap,
suivant la maniere des pauvres Gens de cette Province. Comme on
la portoit au Cimetiere, on passa si prés d’un Buisson d’Epines
qu’étant piquée jusqu’au vif par les Epines, elle revint de sa
Lethargie; mais quelques années aprés elle mourut tout de bon.
Son Mari craignant une autre Resurrection; se souvint du Buisson
d’Epines, & quand le Corps de sa Femme passa prés de ce Buisson, il
ne manqua pas de crier à diverses fois, _Prenez garde au Buisson
d’Epines, n’approchez pas trop de la haye_.

145

_Sixtus_ V. being made Pope from a Cordelier, (or Gray-Friar) did not change his Humour by changing his Fortune, but kept still the Character of a facetious Man: And he lov’d to run over in his Mind all the cunning Tricks he had played, and the Adventures of his first Condition. He remembred, amongst other things, that when he a Cordelier, he had borrowed Money of ——, and had not repaid it to him. He therefore inquired about him, and hearing he was still living, he sent him Orders to come, and give him an Account of his Actions. The good Father, who found no Guilt upon him, went to _Rome_ with that Tranquillity of Mind, which is the result of a good Conscience. And being come before the Pope, _We are inform’d_, says the Holy Father to him, _that you have misimployed the Revenues of your Monastery; and we have sent for you, to give us an Account of the Matter._ _Holy Father_, answer’d the Monk, _I think my self altogether Innocent as to that._ _Consider well_, said the Pope, _Whether you have not indiscreetly lent Money to any Body, particularly to a certain Cordelier, who came to you such a Year._ The good Man having thought upon it a while: _’Tis true_, said he, _Holy Father, He was a great Knave, who got that Money from me upon idle Pretences, and a Promise he made me of repaying it in a little time._ _Well_, said the Pope, _we are that very Cordelier you speak of. We are willing to return that Money, according to Promise, and advise you at the same time never to lend any more to Men of that Coat, who are not all cut out for Popes, to be in a Condition to pay you again._ The good Man, very much surpriz’d to find his Cordelier in the Person of a Pope, offered to beg his Pardon for calling him Knave. _Never trouble your self about it_, said the Holy Father, _that might be true enough at that time; but God has furnish’d us with means to retrieve our past Offences._ Thus he dismist the good Monk, having paid him the Money he ow’d him, and exprest to him great Demonstrations of Favour.

145

_Sixte_ V. ètant devenu Pape de Cordelier qu’il ètoit, ne changea
pas d’humeur en changeant de fortune, mais conserva le Caractere
qu’il avoit d’homme naturellement plaisant, & il aimoit à repasser
dans sa memoire les bons Tours qu’il avoit faits, & les aventures
de sa premiere Condition. Il se ressouvint entr’autres choses,
qu’ètant Cordelier, il avoit emprunté de l’argent du Superieur du
Convent de ——, & qu’il ne le lui avoit point rendu. Il demanda
donc de ses nouvelles, & ayant appris qu’il vivoit encore, il lui
envoya ordre de venir lui rendre conte de ses Actions. Le bon
Pere qui n’avoit rien à se reprocher, s’en alla à _Rome_, avec la
tranquillité que donne une bonne Conscience. Quand il fut devant
le Pape: _On nous a averti_, lui dit le S. Pere, _que vous avez
mal employé les deniers de votre Convent, & nous vous avons envoyé
querir pour nous en rendre compte._ _S. Pere_, lui repondit ce
Religieux, _Je ne crois point avoir failli en cela._ _Songez,
bien_, dit le Pape, _si vous n’avez point prêté de l’argent à
quelqu’un mal-à-propos, & entr’autres à un certain Cordelier qui
passa chez vous en une telle année._ Ce bon Homme aprés avoir un
peu revé, lui dit: _Saint Pere, il est vray, C’ètoit un grand
Fripon, qui m’atrappa cet argent sous de vains Pretextes, & sur la
parole qu’il me donna de me le rendre dans peu._ _Hé bien_, lui dit
le Pape, _nous sommes ce Cordelier dont vous parlez nous voulons
bien vous restituer cet argent, suivant notre Promesse, & vous
donner avis en même tems, de n’en plus prêter aux Gens de cette
Robe; qui ne sont pas tous destinez à devenir Papes, pour être en
êtat de vous le rendre._ Le bon Homme fort surpris de retrouver son
Cordelier en la Personne du Pape, voulut alors lui demander pardon
de l’avoir appellé Fripon. _Ne vous en mettez pas en peine_, lui
dit le S. Pere, _cela pouvoit bien être en ce tems-là; mais Dieu
nous a donné le moyen de reparer nos fautes passées._ Il renvoya
ensuite ce bon Religieux, aprés lui avoir rendu l’argent qu’il lui
devoit, & lui avoir fait beaucoup de Caresses.

146

A Divine, preaching before a great Prince, who had taken up Arms against his own Country, compar’d him to _Coriolanus_, that famous _Roman_ Captain, who having well deserv’d of his Country in the Infancy of the Commonwealth, was banish’d out of it, which piece of Ingratitude he so highly resented, that he came and laid Siege to _Rome_, assisted by the _Volsci_. _That great Captain_, cry’d the Preacher, _justly provok’d by the Ingratitude of his Countrymen, was in a Condition to take a cruel Vengeance of them. But at last he was prevail’d upon by the Tears of his Mother and Wife; and those two Ladies obtained from him, what neither the Sacred College of Cardinals, nor the Pope himself, who were gone to meet him, could not obtain_.

146

Un Predicateur prèchant devant un grand Prince, qui avoit pris
les Armes contre son Païs, il le compara à _Coriolan_, ce fameux
Capitaine _Romain_, qui aprés avoir bien servi sa Patrie dans les
Commencemens de la Republique, en fut banni. Et cette ingratitude
lui toucha si fort au coeur, qu’il vint assieger _Rome_ avec
les _Volsques_. _Ce grand Capitaine_, s’écria ce Predicateur,
_Justement irrité de l’ingratitude de ses Compatriotes, ètoit en
ètat d’en tirer une cruelle vengeance. Mais enfin il se laissa
toucher par les Larmes de sa Mere & de sa Femme: & ces deux Dames
obtinrent de lui ce que ni le sacré Collége des Cardinaux, ni le
Pape mêmes, qui ètoient allez au devant de lui, n’avoient jamais pu
obtenir_.

At these Words the Prince fell a laughing, and could not forbear crying out to the Preacher, _Sir, you know not what you say, for in those times there were neither Popes nor Cardinals_.

But the Preacher unconcern’d, stoutly maintain’d to the Prince, that he was under no mistake: _And for a Proof, my Lord_, added he, _of what I say, I my self have seen the History of it represented in a Sute of Tapistry, in a Castle of yours at such a place_. The Authority of that Tapistry brought in so pat, increased the Laughter. Which discompos’d the ignorant Preacher to that degree, that he duckt, as they call it, in the Pulpit, and went his way without making an end of his Sermon.

Le Prince fit alors un éclat de rire, & ne put s’empécher de
s’écrier, _Monsieur le Predicateur, vous ne savez pas ce que vous
dites, il n’y avait en ce tems-là ni Papes ni Cardinaux_.

Mais le Predicateur, sans s’étonner, soûtínt courageusement au
Prince qu’il ne se trompoit pas. _Et pour marque_, Monseigneur,
ajoûta t-il, _que ce que je vous dis est vray, c’est que j’ai veu
cette Histoire representée dans une Tapisserie de votre Chasteau
d’un tel Lieu_. l’Autorité de cette Tapisserie citée si à propos
redoubla les éclats de rire, & l’ignorant Predicateur en fut si
troublé qu’il fit, comme on dit, le Plongeon dans sa chaire, &
s’enfuit au lieu d’achever son Sermon.

147

A Bishop entertaining several Prelates at Dinner, had a Side-board Table covered with a Set of large and fine Plate, made by the best Artists; and as his Brethren admir’d the Magnificence of it: _I bought it_, said he to them, _in order to relieve the Poor of my Diocese_: _My Lord_, answer’d one of the Prelates, _You might very well have sav’d them the making_. Giving him to understand by this answer, that he had purchas’d that Plate not so much out of Charity, as out of Pride and Vanity.

147

Un Evêque donnant à Diner à plusieurs Prelats, fit dresser un
Buffet composé de beaux & grands Ouvrages d’argenterie, faits
par les meilleurs Ouvriers. Et comme ses Confreres admiroient
la magnificence de ce Buffet, _Je l’ai acheté_, leur dit-il, _à
dessein d’en assister les Pauvres de mon Diocese: Monseigneur,
lui repondit un de ces Prelats, vous auriez pû leur en épargner
la façon_. Lui faisant entendre par cette réponse, que sa charité
avoit eu moins de part que sa vanité & son luxe en l’achapt de
cette Vaisselle.

148

A Monk going to preach about the Country, staid at Dinner with a poor Parson of a Country Town; But finding neither the Bread nor the Wine good enough to his Palate, he sent one to buy better, with other necessary Provisions to make a good Meal. As he sat at Table, he call’d for a Box full of Utensils Silver-gilt, which he us’d in his Travels. The Parson, amaz’d at his Magnificence, ask’d him, _Whether he had made his Vows_? _Yes sure_, answer’d the Preacher. _Then Father_, reply’d the Parson, _You and I could make a good Monk, for you have made a Vow of Poverty, and I observe it_.

148

Un Religieux allant prêcher par la Campagne, s’arrêta pour diner
chez un pauvre Curé de Village; Mais ne trouvant pas le Pain ni le
Vin assez bon, il en envoya achêter de meilleur, avec les autres
Provisions nécessaires à faire un bon Repas. En se mettant à table
il se fit apporter une Cassette, remplie d’Utensiles d’argent
vermeil-doré, dont il se servoit dans ses Voyages. Le Curé, surpris
de sa magnificence, lui demanda, _S’il avoit fait ses voeux_? _Oui,
sans doute_: Répondit le Predicateur, _Mon Pere_, lui dit alors le
Curé, _Nous ferions donc vous & moi un bon Religieux, Car vous avez
fait le voeu de Pauvreté, & moy je l’observe_.

149

An _Italian_ Parson, _Il Piovano Arlotto_ by name, going through the City of _Naples_, went to pay his Respects to King _Alphonsus_, who was told by one of his Courtiers, that this Parson was a jocose sort of a Man, who freely and pleasantly deliver’d his Thoughts to Persons of the highest Quality, and had a Book wherein he used to write down all the Follies of the Chief Men in his time. The King, being disposed to be merry, _Messer_ Piovano, said he to him, _Am I set down in your Book_? You may see, answer’d _Piovano_, and having given him the Book, he found there amongst other things: _A Piece of Folly committed by_ Alphonsus _King of_ Naples, _in sending to_ Germany, _a_ German _that was in his Court, with two Thousand Ducats to buy him Horses_. How do you find that I have done amiss, said the King a little moved, in giving that Commission to a _German_? Why! answer’d _Piovano_, because he will stay in his own Country with your Money; What if he returns with Horses, or brings me my Money back again, what wilt thou say then? Said the King: _Well then_, replied _Piovano_, _I’ll blot your Name out of my Book, and put the_ German’s _instead on’t_.

149

Un Curé _Italien_ nommé _Il Piovano Arlotto_ passant par la ville
de _Naples_, alla saluër le Roy _Alphonse_, qui apprit par un de
ses Courtisans que ce Curé ètoit un homme plaisant, qui disoit
librement & agréablement ce qu’il pensoit aux Personnes les plus
élevées, & qu’il avoit un Livre où il écrivoit toutes les Fautes
des Principaux de son tems. Le Roy, ètant d’humeur à rire, lui
dit, _Messer Piovano, ne serois je point écrit sur vôtre livre_?
Vous pouvez voir, repondit _Piovano_, & lui ayant donné le Livre,
il y trouva entr’autres choses, _Faute faite par_ Alphonse _Roy
de_ Naples, _d’avoir envoyé en_ Allemagne _un_ Allemand _qui ètoit
en sa Cour pour lui acheter des Chevaux_. En quoi trouves tu que
j’aye failli, dit le Roy un peu ému, de donner cette Commission à
un _Allemand_? c’est, répondit _Piovano_, parce qu’il restera en
son Païs avec vôtre argent; Et s’il revient avec des Chevaux, ou
qu’il me rapporte mon argent, que diras tu alors? repartit le Roy:
_Alors_, repliqua _Piovano_, je vous effacerai de mon _Livre, & j’y
écrirai l’_Alemand _en vôtre_ place.

150

An _Italian_ Parson, one Day invited to Dinner _Il Piovano Arlotto_, with many other Parsons; and having a mind to shew his Wit, took these aside and told them, Gentlemen, ’tis my opinion that we should make our selves merry to Day with _Piovano_, who, you know, sets up for a jester, and drolls upon every Body; Being my Clark lies Sick, and that I no Body to wait on us, I will propose to draw Cuts, to see which of us shall go to the Cellar to draw the Wine, and wait on the Rest whilst they are at Dinner: And I will contrive it so, that it shall fall to _Piovano_’s Lot; which being thus concluded amongst them, was put in Execution accordingly. _Piovano_ smoak’d the Plot, and resolv’d to make his Host Repent it. Down he goes to the Cellar to fill the Bottles, whilst the others fell to, and being come up again with the Bottles, _You see, Gentlemen_, said he, _How I have perform’d what I had to do; let’s now draw Cuts to see which of us shall go down into the Cellar to stop the Hogs-heads I left running_. Now the Landlord talk’d no more of casting Lots, and knowing _Piovano_ to be a Man that would as soon do it, as say it, leaves presently his Dinner, and runs to the Cellar, where he finds his Vessels running, and part of his Wine spilt; which as he afterwards expostulated with _Piovano_, _You have no Reason to Complain of me, answer’d he, since I have punctually satisfied the Conditions of the Play, which indeed obliged me to draw the Wine and fill the Bottles, but not to stop the Vessels of a Host who entertains his Guests so scurvily_.

150

Un Curé _Italien_ invita un jour à diner _il Piovano Arlotto_
avec plusieurs autres Curez; & voulant faire le plaisant, il tira
ceux-ci à part & leur dit: Messieurs, je suis d’avis que nous nous
divertissions aujourd’huy aux Dépens de _Piovano_, qui comme vous
savez, fait le bon Compagnon, & se moque de tout le Monde; Comme
mon Clerc est malade, & que je n’ai personne pour nous servir, j’ai
dessein de vous proposer de tirer à la courte Paille, pour voir
lequel de nous ira à la Cave tirer le vin, & servir les autres
pendant qu’ils dineront, & je ferai en sorte que le sort tombera
sur _Piovano_, ce qui ayant été conclu entr’eux, fut executé.
_Piovano_ s’apperceut du complot, & resolut d’en faire repentir son
Hôte; il s’en va à la Cave remplir les Bouteilles pendant que les
autres commençoient à diner, & étant remonté avec les Bouteilles,
_Vouz voyez, Messieurs_, leur dit-il, _comme j’ai fait ce que le
sort m’a ordonné; tirons presentement à la courte paille pour voir
lequel de nous descendra à la Cave pour refermer les muids que j’ai
laissez ouverts_. Alors le Maitre de la Maison ne parla plus de
tirer au sort, & connoissant _Piovano_, pour être homme à l’avoir
fait comme il le disoit, il quitta promtement son Diner, & courut
à la Cave où il trouva ses Muids ouverts, & une partie de son vin
perdu; dont il fit ensuite de fort grandes Plaintes à _Piovano_.
_Vous n’avez pas raison de vous plaindre de Moy_, lui repondit il,
_puisque j’ay satisfait ponctuellement au jeu, qui m’avoit bien
ordonné d’aller tirer le vin, & de remplir les Bouteilles, Mais non
pas de refermer les Muids d’un Hôte qui fait si mal les honneurs de
sa Maison_.

151

A Courtier playing at Picket in a Gaming Ordinary, and finding by the Cards he took in, that he had discarded amiss, _I am a downright_ Goussaut, cry’d he. Now _Goussaut_ was the Name of a President, who was none of the greatest Wits of his Time; but who hapned to be there behind the Gamester, unperceived by him. This President nettled to hear himself quoted upon such an Occasion, told him, _He was a Coxcomb: You say right_, reply’d the Gamester, _that’s it I meant_.

151

Un Courtisan joüant au Piquet dans une Academie, & ayant reconnu
par les Cartes qui lui rentroient, qu’il avoit mal écarté,
il s’écria, _je suis un franc_ Goussaut; c’étoit le nom d’un
President, qui ne passoit pas pour être des plus êclairez de son
Tems, mais qui se trouva pour lors par hazard derriere le joüeur
qui ne l’avoit pas aperceu. Ce President, se sentant offensé d’être
cítè en cette occasion, lui dit, _qu’il ètoit un sot_: _Vous avez
raison_, lui rèpondit le joüeur, _c’est cela mêmes que je voulois
dire_.

152

_Marriage is Sometimes a Cure for Love._

_Clitander_ having seen by chance _Celimene_, stood both surprised and charm’d with her Beauty. However because she had but a very mean Fortune, and that he was Master of a vast Estate, he reflected upon an Engagement which he found no less strong, than Sudden. He had quite lost his Repose; he felt himself in continual agitation, and feared lest a Passion, so very violent in its first rise, should prompt him at last to gratify his Heart at the Expence of his Fortune. In order to banish so dangerous a Tenderness from his Heart, he went to serve a Campaign in _Flanders_, but came back deeper in Love than he was at his Departure. Then accusing his own Weakness, he made a second attempt and resolv’d to travel into _Italy_, but the Diversions of _Rome_, and the Carnaval of _Venice_, proved as useless as the Siege of _Namur_. _Clitander_ return’d more ardent and passionate than ever, and as his Friend _Philantes_ came to visit him, Dear _Philantes_, said he, I lead a lingring wretched Life; I cannot forget _Celimene_, I fancy her always present to my view with all her Charms. _At last_, added he, _at last I must marry her, to cease to love her_. He did so, and a Months Marriage chang’d his violent and boysterous Love into a gentle and quiet Friendship.

152

_Le Mariage est quelquefois un Remede contre l’Amour._

C_litandre_ ayant veu par hazard _Celimene_, il demeura surpris &
charmé de sa beauté extraordinaire, Cependant comme elle n’avoit
qu’un bien médiocre, & qu’il avoit des Richesses immenses, il fit
Reflexion sur un engagement qu’il trouvoit bien prompt, & bien
fort. Il n’avoit plus de repos: Il se sentoit continuellement
agité, & il craignoit qu’une Passion qui ètoit si violente dés
son commencement, ne le portât enfin à satisfaire son coeur au
prejudice de sa Fortune. Pour bannir de son ame une tendresse si
dangereuse il alla faire une Campagne en _Flandres_; mais il revint
plus amoureux qu’il n’ètoit parti. Puis, s’accusant de Foiblesse,
il fit un second effort & entreprit le voyage d’_Italie_; mais
les Divertissemens de _Rome_, & le Carnaval de _Venise_ ne furent
pas moins inutiles que le Siege de _Namur_. _Clitandre_ fut à son
retour plus passionné que jamais, & comme son Ami _Philante_ fut
lui rendre visite, Mon cher _Philante_, lui dit il, je traine
une vie malheureuse; je ne puis oublier _Celimene_; je m’imagine
qu’elle est toûjours devant mes yeux avec tous ses Charmes;
_Enfin_, ajoûta-t-il, _enfin il faudra, que je l’épouse pour cesser
de l’aimer_. Il l’épousa en effet, & un mois de Mariage changea son
Amour violente & tumultueuse, en une Amitié douce & tranquille.

153

_Of the Queen of_ Spain _and her Parrots._

T_he Camerara Major_, or first Lady of Honour and Groom of the Stole, to the last Queen of _Spain_, was a Woman of a mighty sowr angry Humour, who took upon her rather to govern than to serve her Mistress; She mortally hated two Parrots, the Queen had brought along with her from _France_, because they could talk _French_. One Day her Majesty going abroad, the _Camerara_ took the Parrots from their keeper, wrung off their Necks in cold Blood, and then went her way. As soon as the Queen came home, she askt for her Parrots, that were her chief Diversion in a Countrey, where she scarce enjoyed any other. Her Women amaz’d, discover’d Surprize in their Faces, and not being able to answer a Word at first, confess’d the whole Matter at last. This struck her Heart; but she thought convenient to conceal her Resentment. Some time after, the _Camerara_ coming back, and seeing her Majesty calm enough, offered to kiss her Hands, as she us’d to do, but was receiv’d by the Queen with two great Boxes on the Ear. The Confusion of that haughty Woman, upon so sensible an Affront, can hardly be exprest; she went out in a Passion, and gathered all her Kindred and Relations: applied her self to the King, with a Train of Four hundred Ladies, and was so importunate with him for the Reparation of her Honour, that he was fain to come and ask the Queen her Reasons. _Sir_, replied readily that Ingenious Princess, _’twas but to save a Womans longing_. Do you then think two enough, Madam? answer’d the King; else, pray, let her have two Dozen. And as one Misfortune comes upon the neck of another, the _Camerara_ lost her place to boot. A well deserved Reward for such as keep not the Respect due to so Sacred Persons.

153

_De la Reine d’_Espagne _& de ses Perroquets._

La _Camerara Major_, ou la premiere Dame d’honneur, de la feuë
Reine d’_Espagne_, ètoit une Femme d’une humeur chagrine &
emportée, qui au lieu de servir sa Maitresse, se croyoit en droit
de la gouverner: Elle haïssoit mortellement deux Perroquets que
la Reine avoit apportez de _France_, parce qu ils parloient
_François_. Un jour sa Majesté ètant sortie, la _Camerara_, prit
les Perroquets de celle qui les gardoit, leur tordit le cou de
sang froid, & s en alla. Aussi tôt que la Reine fut revenuë, elle
demanda ses Perroquets, qui ètoient son plus grand divertissement,
dans un Pays où elle n’en avoit guere d’autre; ses Femmes tout
étonnées firent paroitre leur surprise sur leur Visage, & ne
sachant d’abord que lui repondre, elles lui avoüerent enfin ce qui
en ètoit. Cela lui perça le coeur, mais elle trouva à propos de
cacher son ressentiment. Quelque tems aprés la _Camerara_ ètant de
retour, & voyant sa Majesté assez calme, s’approcha d’elle pour lui
baiser la main comme elle avoir accoutumé de faire, mais elle en
fut receuë avec deux grands soufflets. A peine peut on exprimer la
confusion qu’un affront si sensible donna à cette Femme superbe:
Elle sortit toute en colere, & ramassant toutes ses Parentes &
Alliées, elle s’en alla trouver le Roy avec une suite de quatre
cens Dames, & lui demanda la Reparation de son honneur avec tant
d’importunité, qu’ils se vit obligé d’aller chez la Reine, pour
savoir ses Raisons. _Sire_, repliqua cette ingenieuse Princesse,
_ce n’ètoit que pour faire passer une envie de Femmes_: Est-ce
donc assez de deux, Madame, repondit le Roy: Autrement, je vous
prie, appliquez lui en deux douzaines. Et comme un malheur ne
vient jamais seule la _Camerara_ perdit sa place sur le Marché.
Digne recompense de ceux qui perdent le respect qui est dû à des
Personnes si augustes.

154

_Of an Old Impotent Lord._

An Old Lord fell in Love with a young Gentlewoman that waited upon his Lady: The Frailty which is pretty common in Waiting-women, being happily supported by the Defects of an Old Man, she found strength enough in her self to resist his Sollicitations: Moreover, she told her Lady of it, and confirm’d by a Shower of Tears those Proofs of her Chastity. It is not possible, Madam, said she, for me to bear it any longer: What does my Lord make of me? And how can he have the Thoughts that I can be wanting in my Duty, either to your Ladiship, or to my Honour? If he goes on at this rate, I beseech your Ladiship to let me be gone. The good Lady very much incensed against her Husband, and no less pleas’d with her Woman’s Honesty, told her, Child never trouble thy self, neither think of leaving me, as long as thou art assured of my kindness to thee. Then Madam, return’d she, be so kind as to free me from my Lord’s Persecutions. Well, _said the Lady_, there comes now in my Thoughts an expedient very fit for that purpose: Thou must dissemble a kindness for him, and afterwards give him an Assignation in thy Chamber. I, Madam, give him an Assignation? said the Waiting-woman. Hear me out, replied the Lady, When thou hast set the time, and left the Door open, I’ll go in thy place into thy Bed, and thou shalt slip into my Room, and then, when he comes, I’ll make him so asham’d, that he’ll have no more Thoughts of tormenting thee. The Waiting-woman perform’d with care her Lady’s Orders: And the Night being come, the old Dotard crept into the Chamber, and eagerly went to that Bed where his Wife waited for his coming. She did not think it convenient to quarrel with him at first; but this Adventure being carried on more chastly than she had expected, she grew weary on’t, and resolv’d to give her Tongue its liberty, _What! is it only for this_, said she, _that you have been at so much pains_? The Husband acknowledging his Error by his Wife’s Voice, _I vow, Madam_, said he, _my Body has been wiser than my Mind, for it has known you, when my blinded Mind took you for a handsom Maid_.

_D’un vieux Seigneur Impuissant._

154

Un vieux Seigneur devint amoureux d’une jeune Demoiselle qui
servoit sa Femme: La Fragilité qui est assez ordinaire aux
Suivantes se trouvant heureusement soutenuë par les defagrémens
du Vieillard, Elle eut assez de force pour resister à ses
Sollicitations: Elle en avertit même sa Maitresse, & confirma par
ses larmes ces Temoignagnes de sa Chasteté. Il n’est pas possible,
Madame, lui dit elle, que je souffre davantage: Pour qui me prend
Monsieur? Et comment peut-il me croire capable de manquer à ce
que je dois & à vous, & à mon honneur? S’il continuë, je vous
supplie de me permettre de me retirer. La bonne Dame fort piquée
contre son Mari, & trés contente de l’honnêteté de sa Suivante,
lui dit, Ma fille, ne te mets point en peine, il ne faut pas que
tu songes à me quitter, ètant si asseurée que tu l’es de mon
Amitié. Il faut donc, Madame, reprit-elle, que vous me delivriez
des Persecutions de Monsieur. Hè bien, lui dit la Dame, il me
vient dans l’esprit un expedient fort propre pour cela: Il faut
que tu fasses semblant de t’addoueir pour lui, & qu’ensuite tu lui
donnes la nuit un Rendez-vous dans ta Chambre. Moy, Madame, lui
donner un Rendez-vous? lui dit la Demoiselle; écoute jusqu’áu bout
ce que j’ai à te dire, repliqua la Dame: Quand tu lui auras donné
l’heure, & laissé la Porte ouverte, j’irai en ta place dans ton
lit & tu passeras dans ma Chambre, & alors quand il viendra je lui
ferai tant de honte qu’il n’aura plus l’envie de te tourmenter.
La suivante executa avec soin les ordres de sa Maitresse: la nuit
venuë, le vieillard amoureux se glissa dans sa Chambre, & alla avec
empressement dans le lit où sa Femme l’attendoit. Elle ne jugea
pas à propos de le quereller d’abord, mais comme cette avanture se
passoit plus chastement qu’elle ne s’y ètoit attenduë, elle s’en
ennuya, & se resolut enfin de parler: _Quoy! n’est-ce donc que pour
cela_, lui dit elle, _que vous vous êtes donné tant de peine_? Le
Mari reconnut alors son erreur & la voix de sa Femme, _Je vous
avouë, Madame_, lui dit-il, _que mon Corps est plus sage que mon
Esprit, car il vous a reconnuë, & mon Esprit aveugle vous prenoit
pour une jolie fille_.

155

_The Widow Exchange._

A Young Lady having lately buried her Husband, whom she call’d _Old Simon_, ordered a Carver to make her a Statue of Wood, as near his Figure as he could, which was laid by her Side every Night in remembrance of him. In the mean time, a young Gentleman that had a great Passion for her, by the Intercession of some Guineas, prevail’d with her Maid to lay him one Night in the place of _Old Simon_. The Widow went to Bed, and after her usual manner cast her Arms over her dear Husband’s Statue, and finding it very warm, she crept closer and closer to it, till at length they came very close together, by which she perceiv’d it was not her Wooden Bed Fellow. In the Morning the Maid call’d at her Chamber-door, as she us’d to do, Madam, What will you please to have for Dinner? She reply’d, Rost the Turky that was brought in Yesterday, Boil a Leg of Mutton and Colley-flowers, and get a good Dish of Fruit. Madam, says the Maid, we have not Wood enough to dress so much Meat. _If not_, reply’d she, _you may burn_ Old Simon.

155

_Le Troc de la Veuve._

Une jeune Dame, qui venoit d’enterrer son Mari, qu’elle appelloit
le vieux _Simon_, commanda à un Statuaire de lui faire une Statuë
de Bois aussi ressemblante qu’il pourroit, laquelle elle faisoit
mettre toutes les nuits à son côté, pour se souvenir de lui.
Cependant un jeune Gentilhomme qui l’aimoit passionnément, gagna
si bien sa Servante par l’entremise de ses Guinées, qu’elle le mit
une nuit en la place du vieux _Simon_. La Veuve s’alla coucher, &
selon sa coutume embrassa la Statuë de son cher Mari, & la trouvant
fort chaude, elle s’en approcha davantage, jusqu’à ce que s’ètant
embrassez fort étroitement, elle s’apperceut que ce n’ètoit point
son homme de Bois. La Matin, sa Servante vint à la porte de la
Chambre selon sa coutume, & lui demanda ce qu’elle souhaitoit
avoir à diner? A quoi elle répondit, Fais rotir le Dindon qu’on
apporta hier, & bouillir un Gigot de Mouton avec des choux fleurs,
& achete nous un bon plat de Fruit, Madame, dit la Servante, nous
n’avons pas assez de Bois pour apprêter tant de Viandes. _Et bien_,
repliqua-t-elle, _vous n’avez qu’à bruler le vieux_ Simon.

156

_The Foolish Confession._

A Simple Fellow in _Lombardy_, had a great Love to a young Maid, as he thought she was, and that they might live peaceably and quietly together, he thought of this Expedient; one day he told her, that it was his full intent to marry her, and to prevent future Quarrels, he said, he would tell her all the Secrets of his Heart, that their Alliance might be the stronger. Among many other things, he told her, That in the Heat of his Youth, he got a Son on a Friend of his, which Friend was yet living, and desir’d her not to take it amiss. No, no, said she, I am very well pleas’d, for a Friend of mine got me with Child, and it is a Daughter; and if you intend to fortify our Alliance, it may be done with another Marriage, between your Son and my Daughter.

156

_L’aveu Indiscret._

Un Idiot en _Lombardie_, ètoit fort amoureux d’une Fille qu’il
croyoit être Pucelle; & afin de vivre en paix & en bonne amitié
avec elle, il s’avisa de cét expedient; un jour il lui dit qu’il
avoit resolu de l’épouser, & que pour éviter toutes sortes de
querelles à l’avenir, il vouloit lui dire tous ses Secrets, afin de
rendre par la leur Alliance plus ferme: Entre autres choses, il lui
dit, que dans la Chaleur de sa jeunesse il avoit fait un Garçon à
une de ses amies, laquelle ètoit encore en vie, & qu’il la prioit
que cela ne lui fit point de peine. Non, non, dit elle, j’en suis
fort contente, car un de mes Amis m’a fait une Fille, & si vous
voulez fortifier nôtre Alliance, nous pouvons le faire par un autre
Mariage de vôtre Fils avec ma Fille.

157

_The_ Gascon _punish’d._

A Young Widow, rich and beautiful, was belov’d by a young _Gascon_; both poor and proud. This _Gascon_ had a mind to be thought very intimate with the Lady, and boasted of more Favours than he receiv’d. The Lady, who lov’d to be Merry, resolv’d to punish him for it after a new manner: I know, said she to him, you have an Affection for me, and doubt not but you will give me proofs of it upon an Occasion that now offers it self. The _Gascon_ assur’d her he was ready to do any thing to serve her. You know, added the Widow, such a Lady of my Acquaintance, who has a Cross and Jealous Man to her Husband, that will never give her leave to lie abroad; now it is necessary, for some private Reasons, that she should lie with me to Night; and what I desire of you, is to lie in her place, that her Husband, who will come home late, finding you in his Bed, may take you to be his Wife: And as he rises earlier than she, to go about his Business, he will take no notice of any thing; for though he be Jealous of his Wife, he seldom disturbs her Rest at Night. The _Gascon_ consented to every thing, and suffer’d himself to be carried to his Mistress’s Friend; they dress’d his Head in Womens Night-Cloaths, and afterwards he laid himself in the Bed of the Jealous Husband, who the young Lady knew would not be at home that Night. The two Ladies left the _Gascon_ alone in Bed, and a little while after the young Widow came in in her Night Gown, and without a Light, and went to Bed to him. The _Gascon_, who took her for the Jealous Husband, was in great Pain and Trouble; he lay extreamly close, and turning his Back to the young Widow, put himself as near the other side of the Bed as possible. Thus he spent a whole Night more restless and uneasy than any in his Life, being still apprehensive of some preposterous Caresses from the Jealous Husband; but his Trouble increas’d when at break of Day, the young Widow rung a Bell, at the noise of which he heard some body coming into the Room; he cover’d his Head with the Bed-Cloaths, and such was his fear of being known, that he wish’d he could have buried himself in the Bed. Now ’twas the Widow’s Friend that came in, and open’d the Curtains, and at that very instant the Widow rose from Bed adorn’d with all her natural Beauties, which made almost the _Gascon_ die with Regret, Spite, and Shame, for making such ill use of so favourable a Night.

_FINIS._

157

_Le_ Gascon _puni._

Une jeune Veuve belle & riche, ètoit aimée par un jeune _Gascon_,
pauvre & presomptueux. Ce _Gascon_ vouloit qu’on crut qu’il ètoit
fort bien avec cette Dame, & divulguoit beaucoup plus de faveurs
qu’il n’en recevoit. La Dame qui ètoit d’une humeur enjoüée &
plaisante, resolut de l’en punir d’une maniere nouvelle: Je sai,
lui dit elle, que vous avez de l’Affection pour moy, & je suis
persuadée que vous voudrez bien m’en donner des Marques dans une
Occasion qui se presente; le _Gascon_ lui temoigna étre prêt à
tout faire pour son Service; vous connoissez, ajoûta la veuve, une
telle Dame de mes amies, qui a un Mari jaloux & fort incommode, &
qui ne lui permet pas de coucher hors de chez lui, cependant il
est nécessaire, pour des Raisons particulieres, qu’elle couche ce
soir chez moy, & ce que je desire de vous est que vous ailliez
vous coucher en sa place, afin que son Mari, qui ne reviendra
que tard, vous trouvant dans son lit croye que c’est sa Femme;
& comme il se leve de meilleur matin qu’elle pour aller à ses
Affaires, il ne s’appercevra de rien, car quoy qu’il soit fort
jaloux de sa Femme, il n’a pas accoutumé de troubler son repos
durant la nuit. Le _Gascon_ aprés avoir consenti à tout ce qu’elle
voulut, se laissa mener chez l’Amie de sa Maitresse; on lui mit
une coiffure de nuit telle que les Femmes en portent, & il se mit
ensuite dans le lit du Mari jaloux qui ètoit absent, & que la jeune
Veuve savoit bien ne devoir pas revenir ce soir là: les deux Amies
laisserent le _Gascon_ seul dans ce lit, & quelque tems aprés la
jeune Veuve entra en Robbe de Chambre, & sans lumiere, & alla se
coucher auprés de lui. Le _Gascon_ qui la prenoit pour le Mari
jaloux, ètoit en une peine extreme; il tenoit fort peu de place,
& tournant le dos à la jeune Veuve, il s’ètoit mis le plus prés
qu’il avoit pû de l’autre bord du lit. Il passa de cette sorte une
nuit la plus in quiete qu’il eût jamais euë, apprehendant toûjours
quelques Caresses à contre tems du Mari jaloux, mais sa peine fut
encore plus grande, lorsque le jour comçant à paroitre, la jeune
Veuve prit une sonnette au bruit de laquelle il entendit qu’il
entroit quelqu’un dans la Chambre; il se couvrit la tête avec la
Couverture, & auroit voulu s’abimer dans le lit, tant il avoit peur
d’être connu. Ce fut l’Amie de la Veuve qui entra & qui ouvrit
les rideaux du lit, d’où la veuve sortit aussitôt parée de toutes
ses beautez naturelles, qui penserent faire mourir le _Gascon_ de
regret, de depit, & de honte d’avoir fait un si mauvais usage d’une
si belle nuit.

_FINIS._

_BOOKS printed for_ Thomas Newborough _and_ John Nicholson.

The Compleat _French_-Master, for Ladies and Gentlemen. Containing, I. A New Methodical _French_ Grammar. II. A Large and Copious Vocabulary. III. Familiar Phrases, with the Niceties of the _French_ Tongue. IV. Familiar Dialogues. V. Dialogues of Wit and Humour, upon Love, and other Subjects. The Six last done out of _Spanish_. By Mr. _Savage_. For the use of His Highness, the Duke of _Glocester_. By Mr. _Boyer_, Author of the _Royal Dictionary_. The Second Edition, Corrected and much Enlarged.

The History of the Buccaneers of _America_: From their first Original down to this Time. Written in several Languages, and now Collected into one Volume. The Whole newly Translated into _English_, and Illustrated with Twenty five Copper Plates. _Octavo._

A new Survey of the _West-Indies_, being a Journal of Three thousand and three hundred Miles within the Main Land of _America_. By _Tho. Gage_, the only Protestant that was ever known to have Travell’d those Parts. The Fourth Edition enlarg’d by the Author. With an Accurate Map. _Octavo._

The History of _Portugal_; from the first Ages of the World to the late Revolution, under King _John_ the Fourth, in the Year 1640. Written in _Spanish_ by _Emanuel de Faria y’ Souso_, Knight of the Order of Christ. Translated and continued down to this Year, by Capt. _John Stevens_. _Octavo._

_There is in the Press, and will be speedily Published_,

A Dictionary of the _Roman_ and _Greek_ Antiquities. Written by _Peter Danett_ for the use of the _Dauphin_, Duke of _Burgundy_, _Anjou_ and _Berry_. Translated into _English_ for the use of Schools.

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE

Original spelling and grammar have generally been retained, with some exceptions noted below. This fact is especially noteworthy herein, as this book exhibits great variety in spelling and grammar, and much of it differs greatly from modern usage. There are many variations that may be regarded as probable typographical errors, which nevertheless have been retained. Original _ſ_ (now Unicode U+17f) has been changed to _s_ throughout; and original _ß_ (U+df) have been changed to _ss_. Original italics look _like this_. The transcriber produced the cover image and hereby assigns it to the public domain. Scanned images of the original pages are available from archive.org — search for “wiseingeniouscom00boye”.

The original pagination has been discarded. The book was comprised of English text on verso (left-hand) pages, and corresponding French text on recto (right-hand) pages. The pagination was unusual, in that the first printed page of the book — the English title page — occurred on a verso page. This page was unnumbered, but shall be counted in this discussion as page i. Page ii displayed the French title page. A Prefatory Introduction started on page iii, verso. The last page of introductory material fell on page xiv, recto. The first chapter, The Apophthegms of the Ancients, fell on the first numbered page (1), verso.

This ebook cannot retain the verso/recto arrangement. In this edition, the English text is generally aligned to the left margin while French text is indented four spaces right. Paragraphs of French text have been moved from their original locations to follow directly the corresponding paragraphs of English text. Paragraphs originally broken at page _n_ and continued on page _n+2_ are reunited.

Page vii. The phrase “Proper, and and the” was changed to “Proper, and the”.

Page 11 ¶16. Changed “borc” to “bore”.

Page 20 ¶26. In “j’ay défait Hannibal” (as shown in this transcription), the acute accent over the e looked more like “ẻ” (U+1ebb latin small letter e with hook above) in the original print.

Page 34 ¶51. “marié ees Mots” to “marié ces Mots”.

Page 35 ¶57. “aswered” to “answered”.

Page 65 ¶119. “Clock is too Cold” to “Cloak is too Cold”.

Page 86 ¶161. Paragraph heading changed from 162 to 161.

Page 88 ¶165. Paragraph heading changed from 164 to 165.

Page 98 ¶184. “sou utilité” to “son utilité”.

Page 130 ¶7. “Grand d’_Espapne_” to “Grand d’_Espagne_”.

Page 132 ¶11. “Epitapnes” to “Epitaphes”.

Page 136 ¶21. “fott” to “fort”.

Page 138 ¶23. “blesla” to “blessa”.

Page 143 ¶35; “Humlity” to “Humility”.

Page 148 ¶41; “demeurent au dessous” to “demeurent au dessus”.

Page 152 ¶51; “uomment” to “nomment”.

Page 152 ¶54; “lni” to “lui”.

Page 155 ¶60; “Archqishop” to “Archbishop”.

Page 161 ¶71; “difficujty” to “difficulty”.

Page 165 ¶75; “qu’ll desiroit” to “qu’il desiroit”.

Page 170 ¶87; “chacum” to “chacun”.

Page 200 ¶135; “l’ Fglise” to “l’ Eglise”.

Page 202 ¶136; “Contumes” to “Coutumes”.

Page 223 ¶154; “Ladi-” to “Ladiship”.

Page 230 ¶156; “nous pouvous” to “nous pouvons”.