Chapter XXXV: Act V: SCENE I. The forest

_Enter_ TOUCHSTONE _and_ AUDREY.

_Touch._ We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.

_Aud._ Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old gentleman’s saying.

_Touch._ A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile 5 Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to you.

_Aud._ Ay, I know who ’tis: he hath no interest in me in the world: here comes the man you mean.

_Touch._ It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by 10 my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

_Enter_ WILLIAM.

_Will._ Good even, Audrey.

_Aud._ God ye good even, William.

_Will._ And good even to you, sir. 15

_Touch._ Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?

_Will._ Five and twenty, sir.

_Touch._ A ripe age. Is thy name William?

_Will._ William, sir. 20

_Touch._ A fair name. Wast born i’ the forest here?

_Will._ Ay, sir, I thank God.

_Touch._ ‘Thank God;’ a good answer. Art rich?

_Will._ Faith, sir, so so.

_Touch._ ‘So so’ is good, very good, very excellent good; 25 and yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?

_Will._ Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

_Touch._ Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying, ‘The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.’ The heathen philosopher, when 30 he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth; meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do love this maid?

_Will._ I do, sir.

_Touch._ Give me your hand. Art thou learned? 35

_Will._ No, sir.

_Touch._ Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse is he: now, you are 40 not ipse, for I am he.

_Will._ Which he, sir?

_Touch._ He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon,—which is in the vulgar leave,— the society,—which in the boorish is company,—of this 45 female,—which in the common is woman; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with thee, 50 or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o’er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways: therefore tremble, and depart.

_Aud._ Do, good William.

_Will._ God rest you merry, sir. [_Exit._ 55

_Enter_ CORIN.

_Cor._ Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away!

_Touch._ Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.

[_Exeunt._

~~~~~ Linenotes: _As You Like It_, V, 1.

29: _wise man_] _wiseman_ Ff. See note (III).

34: _sir_] _sit_ F1.

48: _or, to wit_] _to wit_ Steevens (Farmer conj.).

52: _policy_] F2 F3 F4. _police_ F1.

56: _seeks_] F3 F4. _seekes_ F1 F2. _seek_ Rowe. ~~~~~

SCENE II. _The forest._

_Enter_ ORLANDO _and_ OLIVER.

_Orl._ Is’t possible that on so little acquaintance you should like her? that but seeing you should love her? and loving woo? and, wooing, she should grant? and will you persever to enjoy her?

_Oli._ Neither call the giddiness of it in question, the 5 poverty of her, the small acquaintance, my sudden wooing, nor her sudden consenting; but say with me, I love Aliena; say with her that she loves me; consent with both that we may enjoy each other: it shall be to your good; for my father’s house and all the revenue that was old Sir Rowland’s 10 will I estate upon you, and here live and die a shepherd.

_Orl._ You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow: thither will I invite the Duke and all’s contented followers. Go you and prepare Aliena; for look you, here comes my Rosalind. 15

_Enter_ ROSALIND.

_Ros._ God save you, brother.

_Oli._ And you, fair sister. [_Exit._

_Ros._ O, my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee wear thy heart in a scarf!

_Orl._ It is my arm. 20

_Ros._ I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws of a lion.

_Orl._ Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.

_Ros._ Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to swoon when he showed me your handkercher? 25

_Orl._ Ay, and greater wonders than that.

_Ros._ O, I know where you are: nay, ’tis true: there was never any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams, and Cæsar’s thrasonical brag of ‘I came, saw, and overcame:’ for your brother and my sister no sooner met but 30 they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy: and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage which they will climb 35 incontinent, or else be incontinent before marriage: they are in the very wrath of love and they will together; clubs cannot part them.

_Orl._ They shall be married to-morrow, and I will bid the Duke to the nuptial. But, O, how bitter a thing it is 40 to look into happiness through another man’s eyes! By so much the more shall I to-morrow be at the height of heart-heaviness, by how much I shall think my brother happy in having what he wishes for.

_Ros._ Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn 45 for Rosalind?

_Orl._ I can live no longer by thinking.

_Ros._ I will weary you then no longer with idle talking. Know of me then, for now I speak to some purpose, that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit: I speak not 50 this that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you are; neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in some little measure draw a belief from you, to do yourself good and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things: I 55 have, since I was three year old, conversed with a magician, most profound in his art and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out, when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her: I know into what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is 60 not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes to-morrow human as she is and without any danger.

_Orl._ Speakest thou in sober meanings?

_Ros._ By my life, I do; which I tender dearly, though 65 I say I am a magician. Therefore, put you in your best array; bid your friends; for if you will be married to-morrow, you shall; and to Rosalind, if you will.

_Enter_ SILVIUS _and_ PHEBE.

Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.

_Phe._ Youth, you have done me much ungentleness, 70 To show the letter that I writ to you.

_Ros._ I care not if I have: it is my study To seem despiteful and ungentle to you: You are there followed by a faithful shepherd; Look upon him, love him; he worships you. 75

_Phe._ Good shepherd, tell this youth what ’tis to love.

_Sil._ It is to be all made of sighs and tears; And so am I for Phebe.

_Phe._ And I for Ganymede.

_Orl._ And I for Rosalind. 80

_Ros._ And I for no woman.

_Sil._ It is to be all made of faith and service; And so am I for Phebe.

_Phe._ And I for Ganymede.

_Orl._ And I for Rosalind. 85

_Ros._ And I for no woman.

_Sil._ It is to be all made of fantasy, All made of passion, and all made of wishes; All adoration, duty, and observance, All humbleness, all patience, and impatience, 90 All purity, all trial, all observance; And so am I for Phebe.

_Phe._ And so am I for Ganymede.

_Orl._ And so am I for Rosalind.

_Ros._ And so am I for no woman. 95

_Phe._ If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

_Sil._ If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

_Orl._ If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

_Ros._ Who do you speak to, ‘Why blame you me to love you?’ 100

_Orl._ To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.

_Ros._ Pray you, no more of this; ’tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon. [_To Sil._] I will help you, if I can: [_To Phe._] I would love you, if I could. To-morrow meet me all together. [_To Phe._] I will marry you, if 105 ever I marry woman, and I’ll be married to-morrow: [_To Orl._] I will satisfy you, if ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married to-morrow: [_To Sil._] I will content you, if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married to-morrow. [_To Orl._] As you love Rosalind, meet: [_To 110 Sil._] as you love Phebe, meet: and as I love no woman, I ’ll meet. So, fare you well: I have left you commands.

_Sil._ I’ll not fail, if I live.

_Phe._ Nor I.

_Orl._ Nor I. [_Exeunt._ 115

~~~~~ Linenotes: _As You Like It_, V, 2.

4: _persever_] F1 F2. _persevere_ F3 F4.

7: _nor her_] Rowe. _nor_ Ff.

12–15: Printed as five lines ending _consent...I...followers:...you,...Rosalinda_ in Ff.

13: _all’s_] Ff. _all his_ Pope.

15: Enter R.] Ff (after line 11).

17: _And you_] _And you, and your_ Johnson conj.

[Exit.] Capell. om. Ff.

25: _swoon_] _sound_ F1 F2 F3. _swound_ F4.

_handkercher_] _handkerchief_ F4.

28: _fight_] _sight_ F4.

29: _overcame_] _overcome_ F1.

52: _I say_] (_I say_) Ff.

56: _year_] F3. _yeare_ F1 F2. _years_ F4.

58: _cries it_] _crieth_ Capell conj.

59: _shall you_] F1 F2. _you shall_ F3 F4.

64: _meanings_] _meaning_ S. Walker conj.

69: SCENE III. Pope.

75: _Look...you_] _Look on him, love him, for he worships you_ Anon. conj.

77: _all made_] F1 F2. _made all_ F3 F4.

82: _all made_] Ff. _made all_ Rowe.

89: _observance_] F1 F3 F4. _obserbance_ F2. _obedience_ Dyce (Collier MS.).

91: _observance_] Ff. _obeisance_ Ritson conj. _obedience_ Malone conj. _perseverence_ Heath conj. _endurance_ Harness conj. _deservance_ Nicholson conj.

99: _ Who...to_] Rowe. _Why...too_ Ff. _Whom...to_ Singer.

103, 108, 110: To Sil.] Pope. om. Ff.

104, 105: To Phe.] Pope. om. Ff.

105: _all together_] F4. _altogether_ F1 F2 F3.

106, 110: To Orl.] Pope. om. Ff.

107: _satisfied_] _satisfy_ Douce conj.

113–115: Printed as a verse by Reed. ~~~~~

SCENE III. _The forest._

_Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY._

_Touch._ To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will we be married.

_Aud._ I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it is no dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the world. Here come two of the banished Duke’s pages. 5

_Enter two Pages._

_First Page._ Well met, honest gentleman.

_Touch._ By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and a song.

_Sec. Page._ We are for you: sit i’ the middle.

_First Page._ Shall we clap into’t roundly, without hawking or spitting or saying we are hoarse, which are 10 the only prologues to a bad voice?

_Sec. Page._ I’faith, i’faith; and both in a tune, like two gipsies on a horse.

SONG.

It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, 15
That o’er the green corn-field did pass
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:
Sweet lovers love the spring.

Between the acres of the rye, 20
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
These pretty country folks would lie,
In spring time, &c.

This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, 25
How that a life was but a flower
In spring time, &c.

And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino;
For love is crowned with the prime 30
In spring time, &c.

_Touch._ Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untuneable.

_First Page._ You are deceived, sir: we kept time, we lost not our time. 35

_Touch._ By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God buy you; and God mend your voices! Come, Audrey. [_Exeunt._

~~~~~ Linenotes: _As You Like It_, V, 3.

SCENE III.] SCENE IV. Pope.

11: _the only_] _only the_ Capell conj. _your only_ Grant White.

17: _In the_] Ff. _In_ Knight (Edinburgh MS.). See note (XII).

_the only...ring_] Edinburgh MS. and Steevens conj. _the
onely...rang_ Ff. _the pretty spring_ Rowe (ed. 2). _the
only...rank_ Johnson (ed. 2). _the pretty ring_ Steevens conj.
_the only...range_ Whiter conj. _the only...spring_ Harness conj.

22: _folks_] _fools_ Edin. MS.

_would_] _did_ Edin. MS.

23: _In_] F1 F2 and Edin. MS. _In the_ F3 F4.

24: _This_] F1 F2 and Edin. MS. _The_ F3 F4.

26: _a life_] Ff and Edin. MS. _life_ Hanmer.

27: _In_] F1 F2 and Edin. MS. _In the_ F3 F4.

28–31: Placed after line 19 in Ff. Transferred by Johnson (Thirlby conj.); so in Edin. MS.

28: _And...time_] _Then prettie lovers take the tym._ Edin. MS.

33: _untuneable_] _untunable_ Ff. _untimeable_ Theobald.

34, 35: _time...time_] _tune...tune_ S. Walker conj.

37: _buy you_] Ff. _b’ w’ you_ Rowe. ~~~~~

SCENE IV. _The forest._

_Enter_ DUKE senior, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, _and_ CELIA.

_Duke S._ Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy Can do all this that he hath promised?

_Orl._ I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not; As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

_Enter_ ROSALIND, SILVIUS, _and_ PHEBE.

_Ros._ Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged: 5 You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, You will bestow her on Orlando here?

_Duke S._ That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

_Ros._ And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?

_Orl._ That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. 10

_Ros._ You say, you’ll marry me, if I be willing?

_Phe._ That will I, should I die the hour after.

_Ros._ But if you do refuse to marry me, You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

_Phe._ So is the bargain. 15

_Ros._ You say, that you’ll have Phebe, if she will?

_Sil._ Though to have her and death were both one thing.

_Ros._ I have promised to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter; You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter: 20 Keep your word, Phebe, that you’ll marry me, Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd: Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry her, If she refuse me: and from hence I go, To make these doubts all even. 25

[_Exeunt Rosalind and Celia._

_Duke S._ I do remember in this shepherd boy Some lively touches of my daughter’s favour.

_Orl._ My lord, the first time that I ever saw him Methought he was a brother to your daughter: But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born, 30 And hath been tutor’d in the rudiments Of many desperate studies by his uncle, Whom he reports to be a great magician, Obscured in the circle of this forest.

_Enter_ TOUCHSTONE _and_ AUDREY.

_Jaq._ There is, sure, another flood toward, and these 35 couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

_Touch._ Salutation and greeting to you all!

_Jaq._ Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the 40 forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.

_Touch._ If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, 45 and like to have fought one.

_Jaq._ And how was that ta’en up?

_Touch._ Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

_Jaq._ How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this 50 fellow.

_Duke S._ I like him very well.

_Touch._ God ’ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear; according as marriage binds and 55 blood breaks: a poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.

_Duke S._ By my faith, he is very swift and sententious. 60

_Touch._ According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

_Jaq._ But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?

_Touch._ Upon a lie seven times removed:—bear your 65 body more seeming, Audrey:—as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard: he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again ‘it was not well cut,’ he would send me word, he cut 70 it to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again ‘it was not well cut,’ he disabled my judgement: this is called the Reply Churlish. If again ‘it was not well cut,’ he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again ‘it was not well cut,’ he would say, 75 I lie: this is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

_Jaq._ And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

_Touch._ I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, 80 nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.

_Jaq._ Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

_Touch._ O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you 85 have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie 90 Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, ‘If you said so, then I said so;’ and they shook hands and 95 swore brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If.

_Jaq._ Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he’s as good at any thing and yet a fool.

DUKE S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and 100 under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.

_Enter_ HYMEN, ROSALIND, _and_ CELIA.

_Still Music._

_Hym._ Then is there mirth in heaven, When earthly things made even Atone together. Good Duke, receive thy daughter: 105 Hymen from heaven brought her, Yea, brought her hither, That thou mightst join her hand with his Whose heart within his bosom is.

_Ros._ To you I give myself, for I am yours. 110 To you I give myself, for I am yours.

_Duke S._ If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

_Orl._ If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

_Phe._ If sight and shape be true, Why then, my love adieu! 115

_Ros._ I’ll have no father, if you be not he: I’ll have no husband, if you be not he: Nor ne’er wed woman, if you be not she.

_Hym._ Peace, ho! I bar confusion: ’Tis I must make conclusion 120 Of these most strange events: Here’s eight that must take hands To join in Hymen’s bands, If truth holds true contents. You and you no cross shall part: 125 You and you are heart in heart: You to his love must accord, Or have a woman to your lord: You and you are sure together, As the winter to foul weather. 130 Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing, Feed yourselves with questioning; That reason wonder may diminish, How thus we met, and these things finish.

SONG.

Wedding is great Juno’s crown: 135 O blessed bond of board and bed! ’Tis Hymen peoples every town; High wedlock then be honoured: Honour, high honour and renown, To Hymen, god of every town! 140

_Duke S._ O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me! Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.

_Phe._ I will not eat my word, now thou art mine; Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

_Enter_ JAQUES DE BOYS.

_Jaq. de B._ Let me have audience for a word or two: 145 I am the second son of old Sir Rowland, That bring these tidings to this fair assembly. Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day Men of great worth resorted to this forest, Address’d a mighty power; which were on foot, 150 In his own conduct, purposely to take His brother here and put him to the sword: And to the skirts of this wild wood he came; Where meeting with an old religious man, After some question with him, was converted 155 Both from his enterprise and from the world; His crown bequeathing to his banish’d brother, And all their lands restored to them again That were with him exiled. This to be true, I do engage my life.

_Duke S._ Welcome, young man; 160 Thou offer’st fairly to thy brothers’ wedding: To one his lands withheld; and to the other A land itself at large, a potent dukedom. First, in this forest let us do those ends That here were well begun and well begot: 165 And after, every of this happy number, That have endured shrewd days and nights with us, Shall share the good of our returned fortune, According to the measure of their states. Meantime, forget this new-fallen dignity, 170 And fall into our rustic revelry. Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all, With measure heap’d in joy, to the measures fall.

_Jaq._ Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly, The Duke hath put on a religious life 175 And thrown into neglect the pompous court?

_Jaq. de B._ He hath.

_Jaq._ To him will I: out of these convertites There is much matter to be heard and learn’d. [_To Duke S._] You to your former honour I bequeath; 180 Your patience and your virtue well deserves it: [_To Orl._] You to a love, that your true faith doth merit: [_To Oli._] You to your land, and love, and great allies: [_To Sil._] You to a long and well-deserved bed: [_To Touch._] And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage 185 Is but for two months victuall’d. So, to your pleasures: I am for other than for dancing measures.

_Duke S._ Stay, Jaques, stay.

_Jaq._ To see no pastime I: what you would have I’ll stay to know at your abandon’d cave. [_Exit._ 190

_Duke S._ Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites, As we do trust they’ll end, in true delights. [_A dance._