Chapter XXIII: Act IV: SCENE I. Before OLIVIA'S house

_Enter_ SEBASTIAN _and_ Clown.

_Clo._ Will you make me believe that I am not sent for
you?

_Seb._ Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Let me be clear of thee.

_Clo._ Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; 5
nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario; nor
this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

_Seb._ I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else:
Thou know'st not me. 10

_Clo._ Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I
am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.
I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I
shall vent to my lady: shall I vent to her that thou art 15
coming?

_Seb._ I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me:
There's money for thee: if you tarry longer,
I shall give worse payment.

_Clo._ By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise 20
men that give fools money get themselves a good report--after
fourteen years' purchase.

_Enter_ SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY, _and_ FABIAN.

_Sir And._ Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for
you.

_Seb._ Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. 25
Are all the people mad?

_Sir To._ Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the
house.

_Clo._ This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence. 30
[_Exit._

_Sir To._ Come on, sir; hold.

_Sir And._ Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to
work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him,
if there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him first,
yet it's no matter for that. 35

_Seb._ Let go thy hand.

_Sir To._ Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my
young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed;
come on.

_Seb._ I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? 40
If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

_Sir To._ What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce
or two of this malapert blood from you.

_Enter_ OLIVIA.

_Oli._ Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold!

_Sir To._ Madam! 45

_Oli._ Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
Rudesby, be gone!
[_Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian._

I prithee, gentle friend, 50
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house;
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby 55
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

_Seb._ What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream: 60
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

_Oli._ Nay, come, I prithee: would thou'ldst be ruled by me!

_Seb._ Madam, I will.

_Oli._ O, say so, and so be! [_Exeunt._

LINENOTES:

SCENE I. Before....] The street before.... Capell. The street. Rowe.
om. Ff.

[9, 10] Arranged as in Capell; as prose in Ff.

[13] _great lubber, the world_] _great lubberly World_ Collier MS.
_great luberly word_ Grant White (Douce conj.). _lubberly word_
Staunton conj. See note (XIII).

[15] _that thou_] _that that_ F2.

[17] _Greek_] F3 F4. _greeke_ F1 F2. _geck_ Hanmer (Theobald conj.).
_grig_ or _gleeker_ Anon. conj.

[17-19] Arranged as in Capell; as prose in Ff.

[19] _worse_] _worser_ Anon. conj.

[21] _report--_] Staunton. _report,_ Ff.

[24] [Striking Sebastian. Rowe.

[25] _and there, and there_] _and there, and there, and there_ Capell.

[Beating Sir Andrew. Rowe.

[30] [Exit.] Rowe. om. Ff.

[31] _Come on, sir_] _Come, sir_ Rann. _Come off, sir_ Anon. conj.

[Holding Sebastian. Rowe.

[34] be] he F2.

[_stroke_] F1 F2. _strook_ F3. _struck_ F4.

[38] _put up ... fleshed_] [To Sir And.] _put up ... fleshed_ Badham
conj.

[40] [Wrenches from him and draws. Capell.

[43] [They draw and fight. Rowe.

[44] SCENE II. Pope.

[50] [Exeunt....] Capell. Exeunt Sir T. and Sir A. Rowe.

[55] _botched_] _bouch'd_ Becket conj.

[63] _prithee_] _pray_ Pope.

SCENE II. OLIVIA'S _house_.

_Enter_ MARIA _and_ CLOWN.

_Mar._ Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do it
quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.
[_Exit._

_Clo._ Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
in 't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in 5
such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function
well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student; but
to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. The
competitors enter. 10

_Enter_ SIR TOBY _and_ MARIA.

_Sir To._ Jove bless thee, master Parson.

_Clo._ Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a
niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;' so I, being master
Parson, am master Parson; for, what is 'that' but 'that,' 15
and 'is' but 'is'?

_Sir To._ To him, Sir Topas.

_Clo._ What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!

_Sir To._ The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

_Mal._ [_within_] Who calls there? 20

_Clo._ Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.

_Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my
lady.

_Clo._ Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this 25
man! talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

_Sir To._ Well said, master Parson.

_Mal._ Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good
Sir Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me here
in hideous darkness. 30

_Clo._ Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will
use the devil himself with courtesy: sayest thou that house
is dark?

_Mal._ As hell, Sir Topas. 35

_Clo._ Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clearstores toward the south north are as lustrous
as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

_Mal._ I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this
house is dark. 40

_Clo._ Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the
Egyptians in their fog.

_Mal._ I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never 45
man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are: make
the trial of it in any constant question.

_Clo._ What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
wild fowl?

_Mal._ That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit 50
a bird.

_Clo._ What thinkest thou of his opinion?

_Mal._ I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve
his opinion.

_Clo._ Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness: 55
thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of
thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess
the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

_Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

_Sir To._ My most exquisite Sir Topas! 60

_Clo._ Nay, I am for all waters.

_Mar._ Thou mightst have done this without thy beard
and gown: he sees thee not.

_Sir To._ To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this 65
knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he
were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I
cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come
by and by to my chamber. [_Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria._

_Clo._ [_Singing_] Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, 70
Tell me how thy lady does.

_Mal._ Fool,----

_Clo._ My lady is unkind, perdy.

_Mal._ Fool,----

_Clo._ Alas, why is she so? 75

_Mal._ Fool, I say,----

_Clo._ She loves another--Who calls, ha?

_Mal._ Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper: as I
am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't. 80

_Clo._ Master Malvolio?

_Mal._ Ay, good fool.

_Clo._ Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

_Mal._ Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused:
I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art. 85

_Clo._ But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be
no better in your wits than a fool.

_Mal._ They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
face me out of my wits. 90

_Clo._ Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour
thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.

_Mal._ Sir Topas,----

_Clo._ Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, 95
I, sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas. Marry,
amen. I will, sir, I will.

_Mal._ Fool, fool, fool, I say,----

_Clo._ Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
shent for speaking to you. 100

_Mal._ Good fool, help me to some light and some
paper: I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in
Illyria.

_Clo._ Well-a-day that you were, sir!

_Mal._ By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper 105
and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady: it
shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter
did.

_Clo._ I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit? 110

_Mal._ Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

_Clo._ Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

_Mal._ Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
prithee, be gone. 115

_Clo._ [_Singing_] I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I'll be with you again,
In a trice,
Like to the old vice, 120
Your need to sustain;

Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
Like a mad lad, 125
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, goodman Drivel. [_Exit._

LINENOTES:

SCENE II.] SCENE III. Pope.

OLIVIA'S house.] Rowe.

[3] [Exit.] Exit M. Theobald.

[6] _tall_] _fat_ Reed (1803) (Farmer conj.). _pale_ Tyrwhitt conj.
_of taille_ Becket conj.

[7] _student_] _studient_ F1.

[9] _careful_] _graceful_ Hanmer (Warburton).

[10] Enter Sir T. and M.] Theobald. Enter Toby. Ff.

[11] _Jove_] _God_ Edd. conj.

[11, 14, 15, 27] _master_] _M._ Ff and passim.

[13] _Prague_] Rowe. _Prage_ F1 F2 F3. _Prauge_ F4.

[14] _Gorboduc_] _Gorboduck_ Pope. _Gorbodacke_ F1 F2 F4. _Gorbodack_
F3.

[18] [rapping at an inner door. Capell.

[20] Mal. [within] Malvolio within (as a stage direction) Mal. Ff.

[26] _nothing but of_] _of nothing but_ Anon. conj.

[33] _that_] _this_ Rann. _the_ or _that_ _the_ Anon. conj.

[37] _clearstores_] _cleere stores_ F1. _cleare stones_ F2. _clear
stones_ F3 F4. _clear stories_ Boswell (Blakeway conj.).

[49] _wild fowl_] _the soul_ Theobald conj.

[50] _haply_] Capell. _happily_ Ff.

[58] _soul_] _soule_ F1. _house_ F2 F3 F4.

[61] _waters_] _wanters_ or _ventures_ Anon. conj.

[65] _well_] F1. _all_ F2 F3 F4. _all well_ Collier MS.

[68] _to the upshot_] Rowe. _the upshot_ Ff.

[69] _chamber_] _champer_ F2.

[Exeunt....] Exit with Maria. Theobald. Exit Ff.

[70] SCENE IV. Pope.

[Singing] Rowe.

[70, 71] _Hey ... does._] _Hey, jolly Robin, tell to me, How does thy
lady do?_ Farmer conj.

[71] _thy_] _my_ Rowe (ed. 2).

[83] _besides_] _beside_ Capell conj.

[86] _you are_] _thou art_ Rowe (ed. 2).

[88] _have here_] _have_ Pope.

[96] _be wi' you_] _buy you_ Ff. _b' w' you_ Pope.

[97] _sir, I will_] F1. _sir, I will sir_ F2 F3 F4.

[109, 110] _are you not_] _are you_ Johnson conj.

[110] _or_] _and_ Malone conj.

[116-127] Arranged as in Capell. As eight lines in Ff.

[116] [Singing] Rowe. on. Ff.

[119, 120] _In a trice, Like to the_] _With a trice, Like the_ Collier
MS. _With a trice, Like to the_ Collier (ed. 2).

[126] _dad;_] _dad,_ Ff. _dad?_ Farmer conj.

[127] _goodman Drivel_] Rowe (ed. 2). _good man diuell_ F1. _good man
Direll_ F2. _good man Devil_ F3 F4. _goodman Mean-evil_ Johnson conj.
_good Mean-evil_ Mason conj. _goodman Civil,_ or _good man, be civil_
Anon. conj.

SCENE III. OLIVIA'S _garden_.

_Enter_ SEBASTIAN.

_Seb._ This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
I could not find him at the Elephant: 5
Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service;
For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
That this may be some error, but no madness, 10
Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me
To any other trust but that I am mad, 15
Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing
As I perceive she does: there's something in't 20
That is deceivable. But here the lady comes.

_Enter_ OLIVIA _and_ Priest.

_Oli._ Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
Now go with me and with this holy man
Into the chantry by: there, before him,
And underneath that consecrated roof, 25
Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
May live at peace. He shall conceal it
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note,
What time we will our celebration keep 30
According to my birth. What do you say?

_Seb._ I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

_Oliv._ Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
That they may fairly note this act of mine! [_Exeunt._ 35

LINENOTES:

SCENE III.] SCENE V. Pope.

OLIVIA'S garden.] Capell. Another apartment in O.'s house. Theobald.

[6] _this credit_] _in credit_ Becket conj. _this credit_ [He takes a
letter from his pocket] Jackson conj.

_credit_] F3 F4. _credite_ F1 F2. _credent_ Theobald conj. _current_
Hanmer. _credited_ Mason conj.

[15] _I am_] _I'm_ Pope.

[18] _affairs and their dispatch_] _and thus dispatch affairs_ Collier
(Collier MS.).

[21] _the lady comes_] _she comes_ Pope. _comes the lady_ Steevens.

[27] _jealous_] _iealious_ F1.

[28] _live_] _henceforth live_ Hanmer.

[29] _Whiles_] _While_ Grant White.

[34] _and heavens_] F1 F2. _and heaven_ F3 F4. _heav'ns_ Pope.

[35] [Exeunt.] Exeunt. Finis Actus Quartus. F1. Finis actus Quarti. F2
F3 F4.