Chapter XI: Part 11

A drama entails more expense and care than characters and tableaux. A host or hostess should never take leading part unless it be especially urged upon them by the others, and even then it is not best, first, because the entertainers should never eclipse their guests, and, second, they should be free for a general oversight of the whole affair, ready to settle disputed points and find missing stage “properties.” An effort should be made to assign, as nearly as possible, acceptable and suitable parts to all.

Those invited should display willingness to take parts assigned them, even if not the most important in the cast. All cannot be Romeos or Juliets. There are minor parts to play on all stages. Learn the part given you thoroughly, and do your best to make the play a success. If sickness or unavoidable accident intervene, inform the hostess at once that she may be able to supply a substitute for the part.

Guests indulge in conversation between the acts, and the music of an orchestra often fills the pause.

A carpenter is usually called in to build the temporary stage, or a curtain is fitted to rise and fall in the archway between two parlors; the first parlor being used for the audience room and the second one for stage, with dressing-room in the rear. A private billiard-room, also, can be used to good advantage. At the conclusion of the play, supper is served, and social conversation and dancing follow.

A Social Evening.

There are many ways of making pleasant entertainments out of these informal gatherings. Such an evening may last from nine to twelve o’clock. Where impromptu dancing is resorted to, as it so often is, another hour is sometimes added. If dancing be excluded, games, music, cards, or recitations should take its place. If neither card-playing, nor dancing is permitted, the supper usually becomes the feature of the evening.

When friends are invited to pass an evening socially with cards and music, refreshments are always served. They can be placed upon the dining-room table, and the company invited to partake of them. They should consist of sandwiches or cold meats and rolls, and cakes and coffee or chocolate, or only cakes, ices and lemonade can be served. The best dishes the china closet affords should be used.

Or, the supper can be made an elaborate “sit-down” banquet. If the long table is not sufficient for all, the guests can be served in relays. The table should be prettily decorated. There are different forms of home parties, such as birthday celebrations, where gifts and toasts are in order, house-warmings, or a church party.

When the supper is served in relays the hostess had better wait until the last table, and circulate about among those guests who have not yet been served. Some appointed lady can serve as hostess at each table. The elder guests should be seated at the first. Sometimes small tables are scattered about the rooms to accommodate those who cannot find place at the large table, thus all are served at once.

Where neither card-playing nor dancing are indulged in, it becomes necessary to find some other amusement. Impromptu charades are sure to break the ice. A shadow party also, where any amount of sport can be had with a darkened room and a tightly stretched sheet illuminated from the rear, whereon shadows can be cast for guessing. There are also a great many interesting games of which enough can be furnished for an entire company.

Authors’ Parties

Are also amusing entertainments, but they must be arranged for beforehand. It is usual to take the works of one author and give out the characters to be represented to each one, that repetitions may be prevented. Then the guessing that will follow when the company are all together, and the conversation that naturally ensues on literary subjects, ensures the success of the party.

Firelight Parties

Are pleasurable affairs. There is no light furnished except by an open fire. The guests sit around in a circle and tell stories. Each one is provided with a bunch of twigs, or fagot to be thrown on the fire, the guest being expected to sing a song, tell a story, give a recitation, or otherwise amuse the company while his fagot burns.

Conversaziones.

These gatherings, as the name signifies, are devoted entirely to conversation, and are supposed to be chiefly gatherings of literary and scientific people. Where one especially fine conversationalist is the star of the evening, one or two lesser lights should be invited to share with him the honors of the occasion.

A Country Dinner.

A summer dinner in the country has many pleasant features peculiar to itself. Chief among these is its lack of formality, and city guests are always pleasurably entertained at the country dinner table. A good cook and a competent waitress are necessities.

The flowers that ornament the table must partake of the field and forest rather than suggest the city hothouse. Slender, light, glass vases and rose-bowls are best for the light grasses, field flowers and garden blossoms. Pretty, modern, inexpensive china is sufficient for a country dinner, and not too much silverware should be used.

Light, clear soups should form the first course (mock turtle or ox-tail soup is not in order). The roast should be carved away from the table. Plenty of fresh vegetables should be prepared, that being one of the privileges of country life. Delightfully fresh salads are also at command of the suburban householder; and if the dining-room be cool and large, and therewith the grace be given of a beautiful view, what greater gift can the gods grant!

Let the housekeeper forbear to serve hot puddings or heavy pastries. Fruit tarts, the freshest of fruits with great glass pitchers of country cream, cold custards, gelatine creams of all kinds and ice cream are always satisfactory; and many substitute for the heavy roast the lighter dishes of broiled fish, chicken, or chops. A cold boiled ham on the sideboard adds another dish to the board.

Etiquette of Card Playing and Games.

There is a certain etiquette to be observed in playing all social games. In card-playing especially this is a necessity. In the first place, it is the hostess who proposes the game. In the second, no one who refuses should be urged to join in the amusement. They may have conscientious scruples, and respect should be shown their principles. Unless, however, this be the reason, no one should refuse to play from mere caprice when their presence is required to make up a table.

New packs of cards should be provided by the hostess. Playing for money, even the smallest amount, should be strictly avoided. It is unfit for the home parlor.

Those who do not understand playing should not join a set unless especially urged, as their ignorance is apt to spoil the pleasure of the others. The fingers should not be wet to deal the cards. Partners should never exchange signs. Let every one play his best and not act indifferent to the game.

Do not talk on all manner of topics; it disturbs those who enjoy the game.

Do not criticise, nor hurry other players.

Never lose temper over a game.

To cheat is extremely ill-bred.

If you have a poor partner manifest no annoyance.

Never reflect upon the playing of your opponents.

Those who have played together so much that they understand one another’s play should not be partners in general company.

Never manifest anger at defeat, nor undue exultation at winning.

These rules, many of them, apply to all other social games, both outdoors and in.

Outdoor Amusements.

Coaching parties are delightful. They give much latitude for gay, pretty costumes, and there are few brighter pictures than that of a tally-ho coach as it dashes along the city boulevards and over the country roads to the music of jingling chains and winding horns.

Appetites are sharpened by the long drive, and hampers must be well packed with substantial viands. Potted meats, all manner of sandwiches, game pies, cold birds, and substantial beef and tongue, will be sure of appreciation.

(See “Dress,” etc., for suitable attire.)

Hunting Parties.

Hunting is very little favored by ladies on this side the water, though it is occasionally indulged in by a few. The enthusiasm, however, of a ride to hounds is much dampened by the knowledge that an anise-seed bag, instead of a fox, furnishes the scent over which the hounds give eager tongue. Those who attempt to hunt must be at home in the saddle.

(See “Dress,” etc., for appropriate attire.)

Archery, Lawn Tennis and Croquet.

These popular games have their own etiquette, rules, dress, etc., so thoroughly established that all devotees of these sports understand the routine without giving it place here.

Never dispute, or show any temper over the outcome of any game.

Boating and Yachting.

Many ladies are quite expert with the oars, and boating, when not overdone, is a healthful and pleasant amusement. When gentlemen are with a party of ladies, one of them should step in the boat to steady it, while another “assists” the ladies in. See that their dress is so arranged that they will not get wet. Inexperienced rowers should learn before joining a party.

The stroke oar is the seat of honor. It may be offered to a guest. Ladies should wear short dresses, free from encumbering draperies, heavy shoes, and a hat with a broad brim. Heavy gloves, if they intend rowing, should be worn.

Yachting is a delightful and rather dangerous amusement. Ladies wear warm wool dresses that water will not injure, made short in the skirt, and jaunty of cut, with sailor-like emblems for adornment. No young lady should go out alone with a gentleman either yachting or rowing. In yachting especially a boat is sometimes becalmed for hours and even all night. A party composed entirely of young people should have a chaperon.

Children’s Parties.

The celebration of children’s birthdays and other little anniversaries by means of parties, is a pleasant custom and one worthy of observance. Such red-letter days are long remembered by the little ones.

The invitations are issued in the children’s own names, and may be written or engraved. Usually they are written upon small note sheets and enclosed in small envelopes. If the invitation is for a Christmas-tree, or an Easter-egg hunt, a tiny tree, or a colored egg, may ornament one corner of the sheet.

The form varies hardly at all: Miss GERTRUDE HALL requests the pleasure of Miss CLARA WINSHIP’S company, on Wednesday, June twentieth. From three until five o’clock. 3 Madison Avenue.

These invitations should be carefully and promptly answered in the same form as given and in the third person. (See “Invitations,” etc.)

This teaches the little host or hostess the gravity of their position as entertainers, and impresses the little guests with the importance of their behavior. Also giving them an early lesson in the etiquette of social life.

If it is a birthday party, a birthday cake will be the chief feature, and it is a pretty fancy to have it decorated with as many tiny wax candles as there are years in the child’s life in whose honor the party is given. These tapers may be placed around the cake, or put in tin tubes and sunk into the top of the cake. Light them just before the little guests are called out to the table.

At the close of the supper the child whose birthday it is, blows out the candles, and, if old enough, cuts the cake and passes it.

Presents are sometimes brought by the guests, but it is not best to encourage this fashion.

Dancing or games may follow the supper, and older persons should constantly superintend the amusements to see that the merriment does not flag, nor the little folks become too boisterous.

At an Easter party, dainty little egg-shaped boxes, filled with bon-bons, may be placed at each plate, or else hidden in a room from which the lighter articles of furniture have been removed, and the children permitted to search for them. The hunt is the chief pleasure.

If it is a Christmas party the tree is the source of interest, and often a make-believe Santa Claus adds to the merriment of the occasion. The refreshments should be simple but fanciful. Make the table bright as possible—snowballs, cornucopias, lady-fingers, assorted cakes, love-knots, sandwiches (fancy), crystalized fruits, tarts, sliced tongue, pressed veal, thin bread and butter, rolled and tied, ice cream in molds, and one large heavily-frosted cake. A host of flowers, and the table is complete. Lemonade for a drink, or perhaps hot chocolate.

The good breeding learned, the opportunities of impressing upon children the beauty of self-denial and politeness, and of teaching them to dispense, and to receive hospitalities, and to restrain that tendency toward favoring certain playmates, so strong in childhood, will more than repay for the trouble of preparing the feast. Never permit the party to extend to late hours, and never overdress the little folks. White is always suitable for girls, and jacket suits for boys under the age for long trousers.

Christenings Confirmations and Graduations

Announcement Cards are frequently sent out to all friends immediately upon the arrival of a little heir or heiress. These cards are variously worded. One seen by the writer was as follows:

ARRIVED: In Los Gatos, Sunday morning, November third, eighteen hundred and ninety-five, FLORENCE WESCOTT. Weight, ten pounds; blue eyes and sound lungs. She sends greeting to all her friends.

A simpler one would be: GREETING: EDITH MAY TOUCEY, November 1, 1895. Weight, 9½ pounds.

These cards received (or even if they are omitted), the lady friends and acquaintances call and leave cards with kind inquires or send them by a servant. Gentlemen do not call, but they are expected to see the happy father and inquire after mother and child.

When the mother is ready to receive friends she sends out cards to all that have called “with thanks for kind inquiries,” written beneath her name, or issues invitations for a candle or christening party.

The Christening.

The baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of whatever church the parents may be members of. If the ceremony is performed in church, personal fancy has very little play, though it is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little ones are brought for dedication.

If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christening is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.

Invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception. They may be written or engraved, and are issued in the name of both parents, thus: MR. and MRS. JAMES GRAY request the pleasure of your presence at the Christening of their son at half-past four o’clock, Wednesday, May tenth. 12 Madison Avenue.

Or: MR. and MRS. JOHN THURSTON request the honor of MR. and MRS. BROWN’S presence at the Christening of their daughter on Thursday, May 11th, at three o’clock. Reception from two to five, 150 Delaware Place. Sometimes the words, “No presents expected,” are added to the invitation.

Attendance at the Ceremony.

These invitations are promptly answered, and those who attend should wear a reception dress. The solemnity of the occasion should be recognized by the appearance, previous to the hour named, of all who expect to be present. Those who cannot be in time to witness the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has elapsed to allow of its completion.

A temporary font is placed in a central position. This is best arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses, smilax and delicate ferns, while the top, outside the rim of the bowl holding the china basin containing the water, is a mass of white flowers.

The drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms, and vocal or instrumental music is usually provided. Hired musicians are sometimes engaged. See that the selections are suitable to the sacred character of the occasion. Friends are sometimes asked to give two or three vocal selections.

At the appointed time the father and mother stand before the clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some friend; the godparents range themselves on either side, and the clergyman proceeds with the service. If the parents are able, the clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions.

Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and the baby, robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which is bountifully spread as for a reception.

A toast in the child’s honor is often given at this time by one of the sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these parties. When the christening is held in church, the party is set for some hour of the same day.

Godfathers and Godmothers.

In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given precedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice, as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the church in some other manner.

A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother; a girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to each person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office. This request should never be refused except for good and sufficient reason.

Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally in the form of some suitable silver article. Among the very wealthy, especially if the child bears the godfather’s name, very valuable presents are often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large amounts.

Caudle Party.

The modern caudle party is given when the child is about six weeks old, and is quite a separate affair from the christening, the church having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the same time. Caudle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival, are frequently given when the christening is not observed.

Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the following form: MR. and MRS. BROWN request your company, Wednesday afternoon, at three. CAUDLE. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents expected.

The words, “no presents,” need not prevent any who wish from making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared.

The phrase, “Caudle Party,” is somewhat difficult to define, but the name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratulations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel, flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as “caudle.” This was served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed from one to another. These were called “caudle cups,” and are much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony was then observed when the child was three days old; now the “caudle party” is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old.

The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests are served with “caudle” in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madeira or rum added at the last until the beverage is “to the Queen’s taste.”

Christening Gifts.

When the announcement cards of a baby’s birth are sent out, very many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making a present to the new arrival. This is not a new social custom, for its origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts of frankincense and myrrh.

The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making, is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.

The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins connected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been favorites.

One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was recently presented to a girl. Each of her father’s groomsmen sent a five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman’s name.

Dainty Presents for the Newcomer.

Another tiny new woman received from her grandmother a spoon which was made of little bits of silver melted down. A silver piece taken from the pocket of a dead aunt, two or three bits left in the purse of the grandfather, who had died; a bit of a broken spoon used by the baby’s own mamma—these and other souvenirs of the family history made the gift spoon something far out of the ordinary.

One of the most magnificent and costly gifts in silver that is given to the baby is the entire food set, consisting of plate, bowl, pitcher, knife and fork, spoon and napkin ring. These sets come in cases and range in prices ordinarily from $50 to $150, though some very elaborate ones may be ordered which go far into the hundreds.

A very pretty and surely most interesting gift that could be sent to a baby is a baby diary in which the principal events of the little one’s life can be entered by the mother and kept in after years as a record of those marvelously interesting days of babyhood.

A certain very sensible woman usually deposits a small sum of money in bank and presents the bank book to her little new friend, thus laying the foundation for future habits of economy and thrift.

Some Birthday Superstitions.

Monday’s child is fair of face.
Tuesday’s child is full of grace.
Wednesday’s child is born for woe.
Thursday’s child has far to go.
Friday’s child is loving and giving.
Saturday’s child must work for a living.
But the child that is born on the Sabbath Day,
Is bonny and happy and wealthy and gay.

CONFIRMATION.

In the Episcopal, Lutheran and Roman Catholic churches, “Confirmation is the sequel of baptism.” Here comes in one of the duties of the godparents, and should the child become orphaned, or should its parents by reason of carelessness, or irreligion, neglect this important matter, the church holds the godparents in a large measure responsible that these children be brought before the Bishop for confirmation.

Some weeks prior to the arrival of the Bishop, persons desirous of admission to the church present their names to the clergymen, and classes are formed of instruction and preparation for the solemn event.

The ceremony of the confirmation service is in accordance with the forms of the church in which it is observed. The only uniformity being in the garb of the young candidates. This for the girls is always gowns of purest white, with gloves and shoes to match. White bound prayer-books should be carried, and in the Roman Catholic and the Lutheran churches white veils and wreaths crown the young heads. For the youths, black suits, black ties and gloves are the proper thing.

GRADUATION.

With the important event of graduation ends the three great ceremonies of youth. The church and the school have both set their seal upon the young man and maiden, and the business world and the social world are waiting to receive them.

In the matter of dress for this important event, the young man is supposed to confine himself to conventional black with white tie. The young girl is usually in white, with gloves, shoes, hose and fan to match.

This, however, depends upon the taste of the class, as they expect to dress alike, and often select some other delicate shade of color for the class costume.

Avoid all Extravagance.

There is one thing to be remembered—that is, that too much extravagance should not be displayed in the selection and adornments of the gown for the occasion. In the first place, simplicity is the prerogative of youth. In the second, it is bad taste to overload a young schoolgirl with expensive materials and lavish ornaments. In the third, there will always be found in every graduating class one or more students to whose purse the expenses incident upon the school course have been a heavy drain, and to whom compliance with the style of dress worn by other members of the class will mean a serious strain upon the home exchequer, or the incurring of a debt for the future, while to dress as their purse affords requires more self-denial than an outsider realizes. The slights, the sneers of insolent classmates have driven more than one sensitive soul to solitude and tears, and clouded what should have been the bright beginning of life with sorrow and anger.

Directors of schools have more than once striven to do away with this abuse of the occasion by prescribing the dress to be worn, but with poor success, since sumptuary laws are not kindly received in this free country.

Now, the remedy lies in the hands of the girls themselves, and with their parents. Let it be once understood that such a display is the mark of social _parvénus_, of the newly-rich, and the custom will cease to exist.

Friends bring flowers to the place of graduation which are sent up, either by the ushers, who are chosen among intimates of the classmates, or by tiny boys dressed as pages. These floral offerings have come to be so extensive that the stage is often banked with the beautiful blossoms. Here, too, is another abuse. To those who have few friends, and less money, the absence of these remembrances is often so marked as to cause many a heartache.

Cards with the donor’s name and the words, “Congratulations,” or “Graduation Congratulations,” penned in one corner, are tied with narrow ribbons to these gifts. Presents of a more substantial nature are also sent up; books, watches, jewels, etc., and have a more lasting remembrance than the fleeting blossoms. One of the prettiest floral gifts seen on an occasion of graduation was a graceful ship, white sailed, and lovely, all of fragrant flowers, and full freighted with the hopes and prayers for the young legal graduate, who was sole son of the house.

Carriages convey the graduates to and from the hall, and a class reception is supposed to finish the long round of the gaieties of “Class Week.”

Etiquette of Funerals and Mourning.

The great sorrow brought upon a family by the death of a loved one renders the immediate members of the family incapable of attending to the necessary arrangements for the funeral. The services of an intimate friend, or a relative, should, therefore, be sought. He should receive general instructions from the family, after which he should take entire charge of the arrangements, and relieve them from all care on the subject. If such a person cannot be had, the arrangements may be placed in the hands of the sexton of the church the deceased attended in life, or of some responsible undertaker.

The expenses of the funeral should be in accordance with the means of the family. No false pride should permit the relatives to incur undue expense in order to make a showy funeral. At the same time, affection will dictate that all the marks of respect which you can provide should be paid to the memory of your beloved dead.

Funeral Invitations.

In some parts of the country it is customary to send notes of invitation to the funeral to the friends of the deceased and of the family. These invitations should be printed, neatly and simply, on mourning paper, with envelopes to match, and should be delivered by a private messenger. The following is a correct form, the names and dates to be changed to suit the occasion:

“Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of DAVID B. JONES, on Tuesday, March 18, 189-, at 11 o’clock A. M., from his late residence, 1926 Amber Street, to proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery.”

Where the funeral is from a church, the invitation should read:

“Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of DAVID B. JONES, from the Church of the Holy Trinity, on Tuesday, March 18, 189-, at 11 o’clock A. M., to proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery.”

Where such invitations are sent, a list of persons so invited must be given to the person in charge of the funeral, in order that he may provide a sufficient number of carriages. No one to whom an invitation has not been sent should attend such a funeral, nor should those invited permit anything but an important duty to prevent their attendance.

When the funeral is at the house, some near relative or intimate friend should act as usher, and show the company to their seats.

Showing Respect for the Dead.

Preserve a decorous silence in the chamber of death—speak as little as possible, and then only in low, subdued tones.

The members of the family are not obliged to recognize their acquaintances. The latter show their sympathy by their presence and considerate silence.

As the coffin is borne from the house to the hearse, gentlemen who may be standing at the door or in the street remove their hats, and remain uncovered until it is placed in the hearse.

The pall-bearers should be chosen from among the intimate friends of the deceased, and should correspond to him in age and general character.

With regard to sending flowers, the wishes of the family should be considered. If you are uncertain upon this point, it is safe to send them. They should be simple and tasteful.

Letters of condolence are sent to those in bereavement by their intimate friends. We append a few forms that will be helpful to all persons who wish to express their sympathy with the bereaved.

To a Lady on the Death of her Husband.

CLEVELAND, O., June 6, 189—.

DEAR MRS. WALROD:

Though I know that no words of mine can bring comfort to your sorely tried heart, yet I can not refrain from writing to you to express my deep and heartfelt sympathy in your affliction.

Knowing your husband as intimately as I did, I can understand what a blow his death is to you. He was a man whose place will not be easily filled in the world; how impossible to fill it in his home!

You are, even in your loss, fortunate in this. He left behind him a name unsullied, and which should be a priceless legacy to his children and to you. His life was so pure and his Christian faith so undoubted, that we may feel the blessed assurance that he has gone to the home prepared for those who love and faithfully serve the Lord Jesus.

This should comfort you. You have the hope of meeting him one day in a better and a happier union than the ties that bound you here on earth. He waits for you, and reunited there, you will know no more parting.

I pray God to temper your affliction and give you strength to endure it. May He, in His own good time, give you the peace that will enable you to wait with patience until He shall call you to meet your loved one in heaven.

Sincerely yours,
WALTER BAILEY.

MRS. LYDIA WALROD, New York.

To a Friend on the Death of Her Sister.

GENEVA, N.Y. May 4, 189—.

MY DEAR NELLIE:

The melancholy intelligence of your sister’s death has grieved me more than I can express, and I beg to render you my heartfelt sympathy. Truly we live in a world where solemn shadows are continually falling upon our path—shadows that teach us the insecurity of all temporal blessings, and warn us that here “there is no abiding place.” We have, however, the blessed satisfaction of knowing that death cannot enter that sphere to which the departed are removed. Let hope and faith, my dear friend, mingle with your natural sorrow. Look to that future where the sundered ties of earth are reunited.

Very sincerely yours,
SARAH CLARK.

To MISS NELLIE BARTON,
No. 4 Beacon Place, Boston.

To a Friend on the Death of His Brother.

CHICAGO, July 12, 189—,

DEAR MR. AMES:

In the death of your brother, you have sustained a misfortune which all who had the pleasure of knowing him can feelingly estimate. I condole with you most sincerely on the sad event, and if the sympathy of friends can be any consolation under the trying circumstance, be assured that all who knew him share in your sorrow for his loss. There is, however, a higher source of consolation than earthly friendship, and, commending you to that, I remain,

Yours sincerely,
JEROME C. HOOVER.

G. H. AMES, St. Louis.

To a Friend on the Death of Her Child.

ATLANTA, GA., November 17, 189—.

MY DEAR BLANCHE:

I feel that a mother’s sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence, yet I must write a few lines to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief. There is one thing, however, that should soften the sharpness of a mother’s agony under such a bereavement. It is the reflection that “little children” are pure and guileless, and that of such is the kingdom of heaven. “It is well with the child.” Much sin and woe has it escaped. It is treasure laid up in a better world, and the gate through which it has passed to peace and joy unspeakable is left open so that you, in due time, may follow. Let this be your consolation.

Affectionately yours,
MAUD TROWBRIDGE.

To MRS. BLANCHE NORTON,
New Haven, Conn.

To a Friend on a Sudden Reverse of Fortune.

LOUISVILLE, KY., June 5, 189—.

MY DEAR FRIEND:

Hackneyed phrases of condolence never yet comforted a man in the hour of trouble, and I am not going to try their effect in your case. And yet let me say, in heartfelt earnest, that I was deeply pained to hear of your sudden and unexpected reverse of fortune. Misfortune is very hard to bear, when it falls upon one, like a flash of lightning from a clear sky, without any warning. But do not be discouraged. When Senator Benton saw the work of many years consumed in ten minutes, he took the matter coolly, went to work again, and lived long enough to repair the damage. So I hope will you. There is no motto like “try again,” for those whom fate has stricken down. Besides, there are better things than wealth even in this world, to say nothing of the next, where we shall neither buy nor sell.

If I can be of any assistance to you, let me know it, and I will help you as far as I am able.

In the meantime, cheer up, and believe me as ever,

Yours sincerely,
JAMES STERLING.

H. R. DRAYTON,
Covington, Ky.

ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.

There is no surer mark of a well-bred man or woman than proper and dignified conduct in public. The truly polite are always quiet, unobtrusive, considerate of others, and careful to avoid all manifestations of superiority or elegance.

Loud and boisterous talking, immoderate laughing and forward and pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding. They inevitably subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he is thrown, and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such a person is not used to the ways of polite society.

Etiquette in Church.

It is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on Sunday.

In entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to your pew or seat. Walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the congregation.

If you are a stranger, wait in the lower part of the aisle until the sexton or ushers show you a seat, or you are invited to enter some pew.

A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner doors of the church, and should not replace it on his head after service until he has reached the outer vestibule.

In accompanying a lady to church, pass up the aisle by her side, open the pew door for her, allow her to enter first, and then enter and seat yourself beside her.

Should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next the door, rise, step out into the aisle, and allow her to enter.

Once in church, observe the most respectful silence except when joining in the worship. Whispering or laughing before the service begins, or during service, is highly improper. When the worship is over, leave the sacred edifice quietly and deliberately. You may chat with your friends in the vestibule, but not in the hall of worship. Remember, the church is the house of God.

Should you see a stranger standing in the aisle, unnoticed by the sexton or usher, quietly invite him into your pew.

You should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with the books necessary to enable him to join in the service. If he does not know how to use them, assist him as quietly as possible. Where there are not books enough for the separate use of each person, you may share yours with an occupant of your pew.

In attending a church of a different denomination from your own you should carefully observe the outward forms of worship. Stand up when the congregation do, and kneel with them. A Protestant attending a Roman Catholic church should be careful to do this. It involves no sacrifice of principle, and a failure to do so is a mark of bad breeding. Whatever the denomination, the church is devoted to the worship of God. Your reverence is to Him—not to the ministers who conduct the worship.

To be late at church is an offence against good manners.

Gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church, and stare at the ladies as they pass out.

In receiving the Holy Communion both hands should be ungloved.

Etiquette of Fairs.

Fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable purpose. At such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are offered for sale.

Ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their wares. Do not importune a gentleman to buy of you; and do not charge an extortionate price for a trifling article. A young man may not have the courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance; but his purchase may be beyond his means, and may involve him in serious embarrassment.

Visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character or quality of the articles offered, unless they can offer sincere praise.

Do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale. If you cannot afford to buy it, decline it frankly. If you can, pay the sum asked, although you may think it exorbitant, and make no comment.

A gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which a fair is held, although it be a public hall, and remain uncovered while in the room.

Flirting, loud or boisterous talking or laughing, and conspicuous conduct, are marks of bad breeding.

When a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the article, return the change promptly. Some thoughtless young ladies consider it “a stroke of business” to retain the whole amount, knowing that a gentleman will not insist upon the return of the change. To do this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill-breeding.

A lady may accept any donation of money a gentleman may wish to make at her table. The gift is to the charity, not to her; and the gentleman pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means of increasing the receipts of the fair.

Etiquette of Shopping.

In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.

Speak to the clerks and employés of the store with courtesy and kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them to do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner. Give them no more trouble than is necessary, and express your thanks for the attentions they may show you. In leaving their counter, say pleasantly, “Good-morning,” or “Good-day.” By treating the employés of a store with courtesy, you will render your presence there, welcome, and will receive all the attention such conduct merits.

Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your examination.

To attempt to “beat down” the price of an article is rude. In the best conducted stores the price of the goods is “fixed,” and the salesmen are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere.

Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are marks of bad breeding.

Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing, unless asked to do so. To say to a customer about to make a purchase that the article can be bought cheaper at another store, is to offer a gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale.

You should never ask or expect a clerk engaged in waiting upon a customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for your turn.

It is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you are examining and those of another store.

Have your parcels sent, and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them.

It is best to buy for cash. You can always buy cheaper in this way. If you make bills, however, pay them promptly. Make no bill you are not sure of paying at the time promised by you. Avoid debt as the greatest curse of life.

Etiquette of the Theatre, Opera and Concert.

A gentleman, desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera, theatre, or other place of amusement, must send her a written invitation not later than the day previous to the entertainment. It must be written in the third person, upon white note-paper of the best quality, with an envelope to match. The lady must send her reply immediately, so that should she be unable to accept, the gentleman may secure another companion.

Should the lady accept the invitation, the gentleman must secure the best seats within his means. To ask a lady to accompany you to a place of amusement, and incur the risk of being obliged to stand during the performance, is to be inexcusably rude to her. Should the demand for seats be so great that you cannot secure them, inform her at once, and propose another occasion when you can make this provision for her comfort.

In entering the hall in which the entertainment is given, a gentleman should walk by the side of the lady until the seat is reached. If the width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this, he should precede her. As a rule, he should take the outer seat; but if this is the best for seeing or hearing, it belongs to the lady.

The habit of leaving ladies alone during the “waits,” and going out to “get a drink,” or “to speak to a friend,” is indicative of bad manners. A gentleman escorting a lady to a place of amusement is bound to remain by her side to the end of the entertainment.

Between the Acts.

At the opera it is customary for ladies and gentlemen to leave their seats, and promenade in the lobbies or _foyer_ of the house during the intervals between the acts. The gentleman should always invite the lady to do so. Should she decline, he is bound to remain with her.

A gentleman accompanying a lady is not bound to give up his seat to another lady. His duty is solely to the lady he accompanies. He cannot tell at what moment she may need his services, and must remain where she can command them.

It is rude to whisper or talk during a performance. It is discourteous to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around you, who desire to enjoy the entertainment.

To seek to draw attention to yourself at a place of amusement is simply vulgar.

It is in especial bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate demonstrations at such places.

A gentleman must see that the lady accompanying him is provided with a programme. If at the opera, he must also provide her with a libretto.

Applause is the just due of the deserving actor, and should be given liberally. Applaud by clapping the hands, and not by stamping or kicking with the feet.

Upon escorting the lady back to her home, the gentleman should ask permission to call upon her the next day, which request she should grant. She should, in her own sweet way, cause him to feel that he has conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation.

A gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on such occasions. If his means do not permit this, he should not embarrass himself by assuming the expense. If the evening be stormy, he should not expect the lady to venture out without a carriage.

A gentleman should call at the lady’s house in full time to allow them to reach their destination before the commencement of the entertainment.

WALKING RIDING BOATING DRIVING

Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness are improper in public, especially in a lady.

When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be so absent-minded as to fail to recognize your friends. Walk erect and with dignity, and do not go along reading a book or a newspaper.

Should you stop to speak to a friend, withdraw to the side of the walk with him, that you may not interrupt the passing of others. Should your friend have a stranger with him, apologize to the stranger for the interruption. You must never leave your friend with whom you are walking to speak to another without first asking him to excuse you.

In walking with a lady on the street, give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside is the safer part, in which case she is entitled to it. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety require it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building. A gentleman should accommodate his walk to that of a lady, or an elderly or delicate person.

When a lady with whom a gentleman is walking wishes to enter a store, he should open the door, permit her to pass in first, if practicable, follow her, and close the door. He should always ring door bells or rap at a door for her. A gentleman should never pass in front of a lady, unless absolutely necessary, and should then apologize for so doing.

Should a lady ask information of a gentleman on the street, he must raise his hat, bow, and give the desired information. If unable to do so, he must bow and courteously express his regrets.

In crossing the street, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission. It may not be agreeable to her, or convenient that her most intimate friend should join her. She has the right, after granting such permission, to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may see fit; and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such a right. If it is inconvenient for a lady to accept the gentleman’s company, she should frankly say so, mentioning some reason, and excusing herself with friendly courtesy. Gentlemen give place to ladies, and to gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the street.

If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.

Etiquette of the Street.

When you are passing in the street, and see coming toward you a person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall—that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditiously. Wait your turn, and, if any of the persons before mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.

When two gentlemen accompany a lady in a walk, she should place herself between them, and not unduly favor either. A gentleman meeting a lady friend accompanied by another gentleman should not join her unless satisfied that his presence is agreeable to both parties.

A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class. When a lady passes the evening with a friend, she should make arrangements beforehand for some one to come for her at a stated hour. If this cannot be done, or if the escort fails to come, she should courteously ask the host to permit a servant to accompany her home. A married lady may, if circumstances render it necessary, return home alone. An unmarried lady should never do so.

Should your host offer to accompany you himself, decline his offer, politely stating that you do not wish to give him so much trouble; but should he insist upon it, accept his escort. In the case of a married lady, the husband should always come for her. He is an ill-bred fellow who refuses to render his wife such attention. A lady, upon arriving at her home, should always dismiss her escort with thanks. A gentleman should not enter the house, although invited by the lady to do so, unless for some especial reason.

Evading a Long Talk.

Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves as you may soil her white ones.

If, when on your way to fulfil an engagement, a friend stops you in the street, you may, without committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity.

A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention of the other sex, or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a lady demand services or favors from gentlemen. She accepts them graciously, always expressing her thanks.

A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or club windows, and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive business of loafers, upon which well-bred men will not trespass.

Do not shout to your acquaintances from the opposite side of the street. Bow, or wave your hand, or make any courteous motion; but do it quietly and with dignity. If you wish to speak to them, cross the street, signalling to them your desire.