Chapter XII: Part 12

A lady walking with two gentlemen should not take an arm of each; neither should a gentleman walk with a lady on each arm, unless at night, in coming from a place of amusement or passing through a crowd.

In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside unless the lady’s comfort renders it necessary.

In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go before her.

ETIQUETTE OF RIDING.

The etiquette of riding is very exact and important. Remember that your left when in the saddle is called the _near_-side, and your right the _off_-side, and that you always mount on the _near_-side. In doing this, put your left foot in the stirrup; your left hand on the saddle; then, as you take a spring, throw your right leg over the animal’s back. Remember, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding and driving, is, that you keep to the _right_.

Never appear in public on horseback unless you have mastered the inelegancies attending a first appearance in the saddle, which you should do at a riding-school. A novice makes an exhibition of himself, and brings ridicule on his friends. Having got a “seat” by a little practice, bear in mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme—

“Keep up your head and your heart,
Your hands and your heels keep down,
Press your knees close to your horse’s sides
And your elbows close to your own.”

In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty to see them in their saddles before you mount. And the assistance they require must not be rendered by a groom; you must assist them yourself.

The lady will place herself on the near side of the horse, her skirt gathered up in her left hand, her right on the pommel, keeping her face toward the horse’s head. You stand at its shoulder, facing her, and stooping, hold your hand so that she may place her left foot in it; then lift it as she springs, so as to aid her, but not to give such an impetus that, like “vaulting ambition,” she loses her balance, and “falls o’ the other side.” Next, put her foot in the stirrup and smooth the skirt of her habit—then you are at liberty to mount yourself.

Keep to the right of the lady or any ladies riding with you.

Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road. Never, under any circumstances, allow a lady to attend to any duty of this kind while under your escort. You must anticipate her every need, and provide for it; making her comfort your first thought.

If you meet friends on horseback, do not turn back with them; if you overtake them, do not thrust your company upon them unless you feel assured that it is agreeable to them for you to do so.

If you are on horseback and meet a lady who is walking, and with whom you wish to speak, dismount for that purpose, and lead your horse. To put her to the inconvenience of straining after and shouting to you, would be a gross breach of manners.

If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first take her place on the seat facing the horses. Enter a carriage so that your back is toward the seat you are to occupy; you will thus avoid turning round in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that you do not trample on the ladies’ dresses, or shut them in as you close the door.

The rule in all cases is this: you quit the carriage first and hand the lady out.

You may properly speed your horse in driving with a lady, but remember that it is vulgar to drive too fast; it suggests the idea of your having hired the “trap” from a livery stable, and is in every respect ungentlemanly.

The carriage or buggy should be driven close to the sidewalk, and the horses turned from the sidewalk, so as to spread the wheels away from the step. The gentleman should then alight, quiet the horses, and hold the reins in his right hand as a guard against accidents. The lady should, in leaving the carriage, place her hands on the gentleman’s shoulders, while he should place his under her elbows. Then, with his assistance, she should spring lightly to the pavement, passing him on his left side to avoid the reins which he holds in his right. In driving, the gentleman must place a lady on his left. This leaves his right arm free to manage his horses.

A gentleman should not drive fast if the lady accompanying him is timid, or objects to it. He should consult her wishes in all things, and take no risks, as he is responsible for her safety. Above all, he should never race with another team. Such conduct is disrespectful to the lady who accompanies him.

THE ETIQUETTE OF BOATING.

There are certain customs and usages in connection with this interesting pastime that deserve to be noted and observed.

Gentlemen unaccustomed to the management of a boat should never venture out with ladies. To do so is foolhardy, if not criminal. Great care should be taken not to overload a boat. The frequent boating accidents that happen are in most instances due either to overloading, or to the inexperience of the man at the oars. Men who cannot swim should never take ladies upon the water.

Assisting Ladies to Their Seats.

When the gentlemen are going out with the ladies, one of them steps into the boat and helps the ladies in and seats them, the other handing them down from the bank or pier. When the ladies have comfortably disposed themselves, and not before, the boat may be shoved off. Great care must be taken not to splash the ladies, either in first dipping the oars or subsequently. Neither should anything be done to cause them fright.

Who Should Row.

If a friend is with you, he must be given the preference of seats. You must ask him to row “stroke,” as that is the place of honor.

If you cannot row, do not pretend you can. Say right out that you can’t, and thus settle it, consoling yourself with the pleasant reflection that your confession entitles you to a seat by the side of the ladies and relieves you from the possibility of drowning the whole party.

A Popular Exercise.

Rowing has become a great fad among the ladies in recent years, and it is to be commended as a wholesome and vigorous exercise. But it should be indulged only on quiet rivers or on private lakes. If ladies venture into more frequented waters, they must at least have the protection of a gentleman. And in all cases they must wear costumes proper for the exercise, which requires freedom of movement in every part. Corsets should be left at home, and a good pair of stout boots should complete an equipment in which a skirt barely touching the ground, a flannel shirt and a sailor hat are the leading features. Rowing gloves should protect the hands.

The ordinary rowing costume for gentlemen is white flannel trousers, white rowing jersey and a straw hat. Peajackets are worn when their owners are not absolutely employed in pulling the oar.

Bicycle: Etiquette

Cycling having taken such a mighty grasp upon the land, it has naturally followed that an etiquette of cycling should be established, and that it should be well established and rigidly regarded by society.

There are the details of meeting, mounting, right of way and various other points which are carefully observed and give the desired air of fashionable righteousness, without which, for many people, the pleasure of meeting in a social way on one’s wheel would be but legendary.

It is distinctly understood in the first place that “cycling” is the correct word; the up-to-date woman dares not speak of bicycling nor of wheeling.

A Cycler’s Guide.

If in town, the early hours of the morning are chosen for a ride through the park. This is on the same principle that it is considered good form for a young woman to drive only in the morning, that is, when she herself is the whip. In the country the rules, both as regards cycling and driving, are not as rigid. The maiden, however, who is a stickler for form, does all her cycling in the hours which come before noon—unless there be a special meet, a bicycle tea, for instance, or a spin by moonlight.

Neither is it correct for a young woman to ride unaccompanied. In the matter of chaperons we are becoming almost as rigid as the French, who scarcely allow a young girl to cross the street, to say nothing of shopping or calling, without being accompanied by an elder woman, her mother, relative, or a friend, as a chaperon.

During the past few years there has been a tendency in America toward a closer imitation of all French etiquette which has brought in its train a strict construction of the duties of a chaperon.

Maids Do Duty.

The unmarried woman who cycles must be chaperoned by a married lady—as every one rides nowadays, this is an affair easily managed. Neither must the married woman ride alone; failing a male escort, she is followed by a groom or a maid.

A woman is very fortunate if among her men or women servants, one knows how to ride a bicycle. Ladies occasionally go to the expense of having a servant trained in the art.

A Man’s Duty.

If one possesses such a commodity as a brother or a husband, he can always be made useful on a cycling excursion. Never is a man better able to show for what purpose he was made than upon such occasions.

The man’s duty to the woman who rides might be made the text for a long sermon; but long sermons are never popular; therefore, it may be better to state briefly that he must always be on the alert to assist his fair companion in every way in his power—he must be clever enough to repair any slight damage to her machine which may occur _en route_, he must assist her in mounting and dismounting, pick her up if she has a tumble, and make himself generally useful and incidentally ornamental and agreeable.

He rides at her left in order to give her the more guarded place, as the rule of the road in meeting other cyclers is the same as that for a carriage, to turn to the right. In England, the reverse is the case.

Assisting the Lady.

In mounting, the gentleman who is accompanying a lady holds her wheel; she stands on the left side of the machine and puts her right foot across the frame to the right pedal, which at the time must be up; pushing the right pedal causes the machine to start and then with the left foot in place, the rider starts ahead—slowly at first, in order to give her cavalier time to mount his wheel, which he will do in the briefest time possible.

When the end of the ride is reached, the man quickly dismounts and is at his companion’s side to assist her, she, in the meantime, assisting herself as much as possible. This is done—that is, dismounting in the most approved style—by riding slowly, and when the left pedal is on the rise, the weight of the body is thrown on it, the right foot is crossed over the frame of the machine, and, with an assisting hand, the rider easily steps to the ground.

In meeting a party of cyclists who are known to each other and desire to stop for a parley, it is considered the proper thing for the men of the party to dismount while in conversation with the ladies.

As to the furnishings of the bicycle, to be really complete, it must be fitted out with a clock and a bell, luggage carrier and a cyclometer, the latter being an absolute _sine qua non_ to the woman who cares for records. From five to six lessons are always considered necessary before one can master even the details of riding.

On the Road.

On the road the woman who wishes to ride _a la mode_ has to know a number of little things that are overlooked by another woman, just as the smart set have a code for riding and driving that is as inexorable as that they should not eat with their knives or put sugar on oysters. Society insists on an upright position, with, of course, no attempt at racing pace. It also frowns upon constant ringing of the bell—that will do for the vulgar herd who delight in noise. The well-informed wheelwoman keeps eye and ear alert and touches her bell rarely. She dresses daintily and inconspicuously—effaces herself, in fact, as much in this exercise as she does in all public places.

Very gallant escorts use a towrope when accompanying a lady on a wheeling spin. These are managed in various ways; one consists of an India-rubber door-spring just strong enough to stretch a little with the strain, and about six feet of shade cord. One end is attached to the lady’s wheel at the lamp bracket or brake rod by a spring swivel, and the other end is hooked to the escort’s handle bar in such a way that he can set it free in a moment, if necessary. When he has finished towing he drops back to the lady’s side, hanging the loose end of the cord over her shoulder, to be ready for the next hill. A gentle pull that is a bagatelle to a strong rider is of great assistance to a weak one up hill or against a strong wind.

For Protection Against Dogs.

Every bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the ammonia gun for dogs blessed. Nothing is more annoying to the rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be a constant reminder of a possible “header.” The gun is calculated to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions to investigate the pace of a rider. It is said to be a perfect instrument in every way. The advantages enumerated for it are: Positively will not leak; has no spring to press or caps to remove, and will shoot from five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading.

A Few Don’ts for Cyclers.

Don’t try to raise your hat to the passing “bloomer” until you become an expert in guiding your wheel.

Don’t buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.

Don’t go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself.

Don’t travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while resting. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.

Don’t allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.

Don’t get off the old gag about “that tired feeling” every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell.

Don’t absent yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.

Don’t leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.

Don’t believe the farmer boy who says that it is “two miles to the next town.” It may be two, four, six or twelve.

Don’t be more than an hour passing a given point, although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst.

Don’t smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you.

Don’t coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.

Don’t ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.

Don’t try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.

Don’t laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.

Don’t dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter. Sweaters worn like a Chinaman’s blouse are almost indecent.

Don’t forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle.

Women’s Bicycle Rides.

“Women who ride bicycles should make it a law with themselves never to ride after a feeling of weariness comes over them,” said a well-known physician. “I just came from visiting a woman who tried to ride around the city last Sunday. It was the fourth time she had ever ridden a wheel out of doors. She got half way around, came home in street cars and a carriage, and has been sick in bed ever since. She ought to be an example to all women who ride. For those who are beginning, especially, and in a measure for all women, there is a great danger in overdoing. Some women ride centuries, it is true, but they are men in strength. No ordinary woman should start out before knowing how far she is going. Ordinarily, though, they ride twice as far as they ought. They start out and ride away from home until they get tired.

“Then they have to ride back, getting more and more exhausted with every turn of the wheels. No ordinary woman who rides once or twice a week should go more than ten miles at a trip. That is perhaps an hour’s ride, that may be easily extended to an hour and a quarter before that distance is covered, and if she does not feel fresh and in a glow when she stops, she may be certain that she has ridden too long. Naturally there is that healthy tired feeling which any one recognizes after athletic exercise, but it is quite different from and never to be mistaken for the weariness which comes from too much exertion and straining of the nerves and muscles. Very few women have ever been injured on a bicycle who kept to this rule and limited their riding to nominal distances.”

Length of the Ride.

“This limit of distance, which is designated by the feeling of weariness, is only a little more important than the limit of speed which the female frame is capable of undergoing under healthy exercising rules. Whether a man can ride at full speed for a long distance and still retain his good health is a doubtful question. It is certain, however, that no woman can keep up a high rate of speed for even a generous portion of a mile and not create the beginning of injuries. The added strength required to increase speed even a little after a certain amount of power has been expended is out of all proportion to the results. There is no relaxation of the muscles between revolutions of the pedals, nor any let up on the nervous and muscular strain while the speed lasts. The heart is far more taxed than one realizes at the moment, and that species of tingling or numbness in the nerves and muscles which often results is only a sign that they have both been overtaxed.”

Properly used, a wheel is certainly a promoter of health. It develops muscles that are seldom, if ever, otherwise used. It gains for women that ideal condition of the flesh so prized by sculptors and artists, namely, a firm, solid tissue when the muscles are flexed, and a softness of an infant with muscular relaxation. It develops the entire torso and limbs, it renders one’s nerves like steel and is a splendid antidote for headaches.

An exceedingly smart and yet thoroughly practical cycling costume is known as the “Londonderry,” and is made in gray-green hopsack, a soft fabric which lends itself admirably to the full folds of the ample knickerbockers, which form a most important part of this costume. The “Londonderry” coat is made with long and very full basques, which form a kind of skirt when on the machine, and which, nevertheless, do not interfere in the least with the rider’s freedom of action. This coat is prettily braided with black, and fastened with big black buttons. It is so arranged in front that it can be worn either with a shirt or over a double-breasted vest of cloth or leather.

Skirts are an Abomination.

A renowned lady writer says: “In the first place let me condemn the skirt—not from prejudice, but from experience. Skirts, no matter how light, how trim, how heavy, are both a nuisance and a danger. A nuisance because they are always subject to entanglement in the wheel; because they fly up with every breeze and motion; because they have not the chic appearance of the properly made bloomer, and because, if they are weighted, like a riding habit, they make so much more to carry against the wind. And breeze makes weight.

“They are a danger because with the constant pumping of the pedals the knee is required to raise too great a weight; this bears upon the body just below the back of the hips, giving backache; often more serious troubles. I wouldn’t wear a skirt. I had one torn off me by the wheel; but I rode with them long enough to give a just comparison of the merits of skirts _versus_ bloomers.

“Riding suits should be of fine, light weight, navy blue or black material, made with bloomers, and the blouse with tailor-made jacket. I wear the sweater myself in preference, because it is not so apt to leave one subject to changes of temperature. The Alpine hat of Tam O’Shanter is _au fait_ for street, with leggings to match the bloomers and jacket, and low shoes made broad on the ball of the foot. All bicycle shoes should be broad on the ball, because the pedaling is done with the ball, not with the under curve, as so many think. Doeskin gloves are best for ordinary riding. Bloomers should be made to fasten at the left side of the back, which leaves room for a pocket on the right side. Tinted leggings should always match the hat and gloves.

“Tell the ladies to have their saddles built high and wide in the back, sloping away and downwards in front; and that if they pedal properly there is no reason why bicycling should not be a healthful, moral, modest and permanent form of exercise. For, mark it,” she added, as a parting sally, “the wheel has come to stay.”

A Pace Indicator.

A man who rides for health and pleasure and not to race or score centuries says that his plan is never to go so fast that he must breathe through his mouth. As long as his nostrils can supply sufficient air he knows that he is not over-exerting himself. As soon as he feels an inclination to breathe through his mouth he slackens his pace.

Don’t Dodge a Bicycle.

Before bicycling will ever become a success a meeting must be called for the purpose of allowing the wheelmen and the pedestrian to arrive at some understanding. “I am in favor of a convention or something of that sort,” said a prominent wheelman to a reporter.

As it is now, a rider comes down the street and sees ahead of him at a crossing a man or woman who is supposed to be endowed with reasonable intelligence. This person is in the act of crossing the street. He looks up, sees the rider coming and stands still right in the middle of the street. Of course, he is mentally calculating his chances for getting across safely.

In the meantime, the rider is getting closer and closer and is in a study equally as profound as to what the person is going to do. The pedestrian takes a step forward, takes another glance up the street, stops, starts back, makes an effort to reach the pavement, stops again, starts forward, stops.

Of course, by this time the cyclist is almost at a standstill and is also zigzagging from one side to the other, waiting and muttering. The pedestrian seems to give up all possibility of escape, faces the rider, both arms extended, jumps from one foot to the other, and the two collide. The cyclist is thrown to the ground, his wheel twisted, and he gets the blame.

And how easily all this can be avoided! Let the pedestrian, instead of performing all these trying evolutions, merely walk along as though there was nothing behind him, keep his course, and the cyclist will know what to do. He will turn his wheel to one side and slide past with perfect ease and safety. On the crossings let a man walk along as though there were not a bicycle in the state, and the wheelman will judge his course accordingly. He has control of his wheel and is as anxious not to collide as the other fellow.

CLUB ETIQUETTE

Club life in all large cities is becoming so important a factor of social life that no book on etiquette would be complete without some notice of its varied features.

The membership of the smaller social clubs is chosen solely for the purpose of social enjoyment, and they frequently blackball names that are brought up for membership simply from the standpoint of some member to whom the one proposed may not be personally agreeable. If an applicant is blackballed once, his friends should not persist in introducing his name again.

In the larger clubs, where the members are never all thrown together at any one time, no one should blackball a name from a personal standpoint.

If any one, however, is aware of some blemish in the character of the candidate for admission, he has good grounds for objection.

Observing the Rules.

A new member of a club should at once acquaint himself with the rules and regulations that govern the organization and govern himself accordingly. The courtesy that obtains in the home is to be observed in the club-rooms.

Opinions of others should be respected, and exciting discussions, or disturbing topics of conversation, are to be avoided there, as they should be in the home circle. Remember that every one has the same right to his preconceived opinions as you have to yours.

Treat all books, papers and other club property with due care. Never take any article away from the club-house. Never monopolize any one article to the exclusion of others.

When there are certain rooms appointed for smoking, confine yourself to them when indulging in the weed. In the reading-room observe the same respect for the readers that you would wish observed toward yourself, only another rendering of the Golden Rule which is at the foundation of all good manners. While there converse very little, and that in a low tone of voice.

Do not look upon the servants of the club as your private property, and never send them on personal errands without first obtaining the consent of the manager. Never expect undue attention from the waiters. Do not take dogs into club-rooms; they are liable to destroy furniture, and everyone may not appreciate them as much as you do.

Morning dress is worn at the club. In the evening a dress suit may be worn if desired, but morning costume is equally appropriate. Hats should be removed at luncheon or dinner.

Gentlemen will refrain from much mentioning of the names of ladies while in the club-rooms, or from indulging in scandal. Serious ill-feeling is often aroused in this manner. Many men refuse to listen to anything of the kind, and will retire if any such subject is brought up.

Introduction of Friends.

Some clubs have cards for introducing visitors, as:

_VISITING CARD._

COLUMBIA CLUB, 420 Madison Square.

Admit Mr. ...............................

Introduced by Mr. ...................................

Club members are at liberty to introduce friends at their respective clubs, but care should be exercised in this respect, since they must vouch for their friends’ behavior, and in many cases are held responsible for the debts they may contract. It is not at all necessary that such a guest should be formally presented to any of the officials, nor to many of the members, unless in the case of some guest whom the club would delight to honor.

The guest of a club is expected to conform to all rules of the association while enjoying its hospitalities, but he may also avail himself of all its privileges, with the exception that he is not permitted to introduce another stranger. A gentleman about to leave town, and who has been entertained at a club, leaves his card in a sealed envelope for the gentleman who introduced him.

Ladies’ clubs are now coming to the front in such profusion as to make it necessary to give them some notice. The same general rules of etiquette apply to them as to a club of men. As a rule, women’s clubs have some especial feature, some object to call them into being.

The most usual form that the club activities assume is that of literary work of some kind, either as a gathering of literary women, or simply a gathering of women for some particular form of literary study. They usually give club banquets and club luncheons, but rarely attain to the dignity of a café.

Barring Out Disputed Questions.

The temper of the meetings depends very largely on the kind of organization that holds them, whether, for instance, as in the case of Sorosis, it is a club of refined and educated women, of literary and artistic pursuits and tastes, or whether it is one for reform, as temperance, suffrage, social purity, or religious development and work. The members of Sorosis, when in session, are well-bred, if not always clearheaded and reasonable. Religious gatherings of women are seldom other than of good temper, and quiet in their tone.

Political meetings and sectarian meetings are apt to be turbulent. This fact has been recognized by some women’s clubs, Sorosis, for example, and they will not permit the subjects to be discussed or introduced in any way at meetings.

The various business womens and working girls’ clubs are instituted for the sole purpose usually of furnishing good lunches at the noon hour at reasonable rates, and combine this feature with pleasant reception and lounging rooms, and often with various literary and business courses of study.

There is one Ladies’ Suburban Club—the Alexandra—the most exclusive of London’s women clubs. It is also the most successful. No individual of the other sex above the age of twelve is admitted beyond the doormat. Husbands, fathers, and brothers, are all ruthlessly excluded from within its sacred precincts. It furnishes an admirable center for shopping operations, and for lunches, teas, etc. It possesses the advantages of bedrooms, let at the most reasonable rate, so that girls and young married women can spend a night or two in town without any trouble to chaperons or maids. Women friends, of course, may be admitted into the club, and servants and tradespeople interviewed. It is named for the Princess of Wales, and no one who has not been presented to the Queen is eligible to membership.

There is also a Ladies’ Suburban Club in Chicago that partakes of the same features, save that it is not founded upon quite so aristocratic a basis, and the suburban woman heartily appreciates its benefits. No more does she wander aimlessly up and down the streets while awaiting a home-bound train. She has a resting place of her own within easy reach of the shopping district, one where she can be made presentable for matinée or theater. Here, on one floor, she finds hairdressers, manicurists, a café, a woman ready to repair damaged garments; and should she miss the last train, comfortable sleeping-rooms, where she can spend the night quietly. There, the club-shopper is ready to attend sales and do all manner of purchasing—from ordering funeral flowers to selecting a good seat at the theater, while the club nursery is responsible for all children left there. Their membership hails from many states.

Presiding at a Woman’s Club.

The average woman is not so well qualified to preside over meetings in which continual interruptions are occurring, through the members rising to points of order, and other questions of privilege, because, unlike the average man, she has not given much attention to the study of parliamentary law.

The rules for conducting a meeting do not admit of any personal feeling or individual taste on the part of the presiding officer. On the contrary, there is a code of rules expressly laid down to guide and regulate such matters.

The presiding officer is not supposed to control the opinions of the members, but merely to direct them. She should be in entire sympathy with the objects of the meeting, and have a full and complete understanding of all its aims, objects and purposes. This latter is a very important consideration. Members, and especially new ones, are constantly asking for information, and unless the presiding officer can furnish it briefly and at once, delays are sure to occur, and the meeting be anything but pleasant or satisfactory to the other members present.

Order of Business.

Having been chosen to preside, the first duty is to call the meeting to order. If it is a first meeting, the objects for which it is called should then be stated clearly, but in as few words as possible. If it is not a first meeting, but a regular or constituted one, the presiding officer should have the roll of members called by the secretary. The minutes of the last meeting should then be read. Next, the presiding officer should appoint her committees for the session; or, if it is a regular meeting, the reports of the various committees appointed at the previous session should be heard. Next, the regular business should be taken up, and having been disposed of, the presiding officer should allow the introduction of any new business that may properly come before the meeting.

It is of the utmost importance that a presiding officer should be possessed of good eyesight, so as to be able to perceive a member as soon as she rises. There must be no hesitation or nervousness about a presiding officer. She must be ever on the alert, with all her faculties about her. She must be broad-minded, liberal, and clear-visioned, with a readiness to instruct the members when any mistakes are made, and always willing to grant the full liberty of debate to all; for out of the widest differences will come the very best conclusions after full and fair discussion.

SOCIETY

Women are our only leisure class. This has been so often repeated that it scarcely matters to whom the credit of the saying must be given.

In this country the burden of social work rests upon women, while in all European countries, men, young and old, statesmen, officials, princes, ambassadors, make it one of the duties of life to visit, leave cards and take up all the numerous burdens of the social world.

Here it is the lady of the house that does all this. Husbands, fathers, sons, are all too much engrossed in the pursuit of business or pleasure to spend time in these multifarious cares. Mrs. John Sherwood says: “They cannot even spend time to make their dinner calls. ‘Mamma, please leave my cards,’ is the legend written on their banners.”

Influence of Women.

The wonderful influence of women of culture and fashion, with their “happy ways of doing things” in the political, as well as the social world, is as great now in Washington as it ever was in Paris, in the palmiest days of the Imperial _Salon_.

The graces and the courtesies of life are in their hands. It is women who create society. It is women from whom etiquette is learned, not from association with men. The height of a stage of civilization can always be measured by the amount of deference paid to woman. The culture of a particular man can be gauged by his manner when in the company of ladies.

Primitive man made women do all the hard work of life, bear all the burdens, eat of the leavings, and be the servants of the tribe.

Civilized man, on the other hand, gives precedence to woman in every particular. He serves her first, he gives her places of comfort and safety, he rises to assist her at every opportunity, and we measure his culture by sins of omission, or commission, along this line.

Thus, all these small observances not only conduce to the comfort of woman, but they refine and do away with the rough and selfish side of man’s nature, for without this refining contact with gentle womanhood, a man will never lose the innate roughness with which nature has endowed him.

It is women, as before said, who create etiquette, and Burke tells us that “manners are of more importance than laws.” A fine manner is the “open sesame” that admits us to the audience chamber of the world. It is the magic wand at whose touch all barriers dissolve.

Effect of Cultured Manners.

“Give a boy address and accomplishments and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes. He has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they solicit him to enter and possess.”

Whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette, which govern the whole machinery of society, and it is largely to women with their leisure, and their tact, that we must look to create and sustain the social fabric.

“To know her is a liberal education,” was the stately compliment once paid a woman, and there are women left to whom it still applies.

As Emerson says in his essay upon “Manners:” “Are there not women who inspire us with courtesy; who unloose our tongues, and we speak; who anoint our eyes, and we see? We say things we never thought to have said. For once, our walls of habitual reserve vanished and left us at large; we were children playing with children in a wide field of flowers. Steep us, we cried, in these influences for days, for weeks, and we shall be sunny poets and write out in many-colored words the romance that you are.”

The successful society woman has a genius for leadership. She molds and makes what she will of her surroundings. She undervalues the talents of no one; she rather draws out and makes the most of every one with whom she comes in contact.

She is quiet, she is reposeful, she has the tact that puts every one with whom she meets at ease, and, above all, she is sympathetic. A judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the highest attributes of our nature.

“Unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life.” It is tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weakness that we would support and conceal from others. Madame Récamier had this gift of hidden sympathy, this power of drawing out the best that was in those who approached her. To this gift it was that she owed that power over all men which survived her wonderful beauty.

A Sympathetic Nature.

It was not her wit, for with this she was not so greatly endowed; it was not alone her beauty, for the eminent men and women of the day followed her when, blind and poor, she sought the solitude of the abbey; but it was the delicate tendrils of her sympathy and the steadfastness of her friendship that drew towards her all hearts, and molded and welded her company of followers into one of the most perfect and powerful social circles that has ever surrounded any society leader.

Many an awkward situation has been saved by feminine tact. There was the cabinet-member’s wife who drank out of her finger-bowl because her guest, a senator, had done so. And the general’s wife who, when a clumsy tea drinker smashed a priceless cup, picked up another of the fragile affairs and crushed it between her fingers with a “They do break easily, don’t they?” And the woman who, when M. Blanc was mistaken at an English garden party for a page, replied, “Well, M. Blanc is a page—of history.”

This tact is in great measure a natural gift, but it can be cultivated, and is well worth the trouble. Nothing can be so utterly painful in society as the tactless person who is perpetually “doing those things which he ought not to have done, and leaving undone those things which he ought to have done.”

The art of conversation, too, is worth cultivating. A woman, noted among her friends for her delightful letters and as delightful gifts of conversation, was asked how she managed it.

“Frankly,” was the reply, “I strive for it. When I see in a book or hear anywhere a happy phrase, or a telling sentence, I make a mental note of it, and watch for an opportunity to incorporate it in my own speech or written word. I don’t mean I appropriate other folks’ ideas in wholesale fashion, but I do steal or utilize their knack of expression. Another point I make is never to permit myself to speak carelessly, that is, slovenly, any more than I let my hair be untidy or my gowns mud-stained. It does not seem to me frivolous or bestowing too much care on trifles to take this small pains for my betterment. I pin a flower on my dress for a bit of color, or adjust a bow where I know it is becoming; why should I not apply the decorative idea to my speech?”

Power through Repose.

Cultivate repose of manner. Be calm and restful. Do not fidget. Command of the tongue is a valuable accomplishment to cultivate. Many a young girl is actually fidgety, because she thinks to be a success she must be “full of life” and always “on the go.” She wants to be bright and vivacious. If such is her temperament and her vivaciousness comes spontaneously it is perhaps attractive, though it is very likely to get tiresome.

Nine out of ten women would be twice as attractive if they would learn to keep still and thus gain the full social value of this ability. Especially is this true of young girls. When a young man is introduced, why plunge at him with a volley of phrases? An effect is made twice as quickly if his look is met with steady, quiet eyes, a few words spoken in a gentle, sincere voice, and a chance given him. Presumably, he requested the introduction, and so, probably, he has something to say. Anyway, he is likely to have, if you are serene and quiet.

A habit of repose will save from many a blunder. When a man, one does not remember, plunges into a conversation, the habit of repose enables one to keep an unmoved and quiet demeanor until something is said that will “place” him. To be in a hurry to speak is to betray oneself, and embarrassment ensues on both sides.

This command of quiet is also a protection against tiresome, talkative, people. It enables one to preserve an air of kindly attention, while one’s thoughts, free and untrammeled, roam at their own sweet will, drifting back just in time to utter an appreciative affirmative, or negative.

A Good Listener.

This repose of manner is a boon to the shy and awkward man, who, under its influence, actually acquires some confidence in himself, which is simply impossible when he is bombarded with a volley of vivacious conversation.

Learn to be a good listener, a sympathetic and interested listener, and the majority of people will pronounce you “interesting.” If the partner assigned you at a dinner party seems to have no topic in common with your thought, strive to find out what does interest him; a few skillful questions, and he is launched on a tide of talk, at his ease, even brilliant, and all that is needed on your part is to appear interested. Whether you understand the subject, or care for it, is another question; you have established your place in that man’s estimation, and he will ever thereafter have a word of praise when your name is mentioned.

There are women who are themselves not fluent, and who enjoy being talked to, to be spared the trouble of “making conversation.” With these women it is the ready talker who finds favor. But there is another class of women quite as large who love to talk, and to them the good listener is welcome; therefore, let the man who wishes to talk choose his audience with discretion.

Madame Récamier liked to be talked to, and was so sympathetic a listener that the careful student of her times is forced to conclude that was one of the chiefest of her charms, but he would have been a bold man who would have interrupted the flow of Madame de Staël’s eloquence.

Men are less inclined to certain forms of etiquette than women. Not that they would be less polite, but, as a rule, they do not attach so much importance to the little niceties of life, and they are too prone to lack in certain courtesies which a society man should practice.

How Men are Spoiled.

This process of spoiling begins with the mothers, and ends with the young women. Women pride themselves upon being independent, and the result is that the men naturally fall back and let them wait upon themselves. Women take the lead, women plan entertainments and excursions, women tolerate neglect, and all of this spoils the men. Be a woman first and last, and exact all these little courtesies for the sake of your sex.

Says a well-known lady: “I remember a thing that impressed me very much, and made me ashamed of my own sons whom I have always waited upon, I am sorry to say. We had as guests a gentleman, wife and son, the latter about thirteen. In the morning there was a parade; the gentleman and his wife went, while I stayed at home with another relative. The boys came in to luncheon, and then as I was going up-town, Harry, our visitor, put up his wheel, brushed his clothes, and announced that he was ready to escort me. I assured him that we did not need him, to run along with the other boys, but he would not hear of it. He opened the gates, carried my umbrella, and stayed with me until he saw me safe at home. I complimented him to his mother, but she assured me that he would never have thought of doing anything else, for when the father could not accompany her, Harry had been taught to do so. I had always assured my boys that I could take care of myself, but I wish now I had made them take care of me.”

GENERAL ETIQUETTE

This chapter is devoted to the gathering up of the fragments that remain from all the other departments that cannot be rigidly classified, and yet are useful to remember.

There are many minute points of etiquette which, although not extremely important, often serve as a source of embarrassment to uninitiated persons, and upon which information that can be relied upon is desired.

Who Bows First?

Whether the lady or gentleman should bow first is a point where many differ. That the lady should bow first, most authorities agree in declaring. This acts as a safeguard to a lady, permitting her to drop an undesirable acquaintance, as a failure to bow would be considered the “cut direct.” But some ladies are forgetful of faces, and some are near-sighted, thus preventing ready recognition of others; so that, while this custom might apply to introductions given at a ball, still, a bow hurts no one, and an undesirable acquaintance is easily dropped without this rudeness. Hence it would seem that, whichever one recognizes first, the other ought to have the privilege of bowing without breaking this social law, which is better observed in the spirit than in the letter.

“Lady” or “Gentleman?”

These terms have come to be used so continuously, and sometimes so meaninglessly that they bid fair to crowd out the sweet, strong words, “man” and “woman,” and a revulsion of taste has swept in that goes nigh in some “sets” to utterly swamp the “lady” and “gentleman.” Either extreme is a mistake.

There is a right and wrong use of these terms; for example, one says to one’s servants, or to one’s children, “I expect some ladies to visit me to-morrow,” while later, referring to them in conversation with a friend, one may say, “they are women of exquisite culture.” A matron may speak of young ladies as “girls,” but if she be not intimate, “young ladies,” is more usual, or she may address them collectively as “young women.”

Misuse of the Term “Lady.”

The term “lady” has been more abused than that of “gentleman.” The words “fore-lady,” “sales-lady,” “wash-lady,” have rendered it ludicrous when one thinks of contrasting it with the terms, happily never used, of “fore-gentleman,” “sales-gentleman,” etc.

Formal consideration asks “if the ladies are at home,” and refined custom requires it. But to express the graces and endowments of a woman, it is her womanliness that is emphasized. “She is a gracious, sweet-tempered, kindly woman.” The same distinction applies to the use of the term “gentleman,” or “man.”

Says one writer, giving some examples of the use of these words: “A polite host would say, ‘The men are looking for some ladies who would enjoy a game of tennis,’ or, ‘I can promise the young ladies a pleasant time, for there will be a great many dancing men present.’ One gentleman says to another, in expressing his admiration, ‘Miss Blank is my ideal of a lovely and lovable woman’ (he does not say ‘lady’), but in the same breath he may add, ‘Let us join the ladies (not ‘women’) on the balcony.’”

One should always say “she is such a sweet old lady,” rather than “she is such a sweet old woman.”

Much might be said in this regard, but after all, exact discrimination of the proper term at the proper time must be left somewhat to the personal judgment of each man and woman.

The leading business and professional men owe their success, in great measure, to their graciousness in business manners. It is well, from many points of view, to form the habit of treating all, rich and poor, men and women, with uniform courtesy. The pleasant business man draws the largest custom. The polite professional man secures the best clientage.

Pay bills and drafts promptly, or else explain satisfactorily to your creditor when you will be able to meet the obligation. If your word has always been as good as your bond, in nine cases out of ten he will grant the extension of time desired.

Keep appointments to the moment. If unable to do so, send a messenger to explain. Finish your business promptly and then leave. Time is money. Never misrepresent goods, nor allow others in your employ so to do.

Enclose a stamped envelope for reply when asking for information that is to benefit yourself solely. Answer letters of inquiry promptly. Do not display curiosity in regard to business matters that do not concern you, nor try to examine the books or private papers of another. Be polite to all employés. They will give much better service.

Business Forms are always useful, hence we furnish some that are in constant use:

A Promissory Note.

$300. CHICAGO, Ill., November 5, 189-.

Ninety days after date I promise to pay to Charles Chapman, or order, at the Second National Bank, Three Hundred Dollars, value received.

MARTIN VOORHEES.

If it is intended to draw interest that should be added, thus, “with interest at six per cent.”

A Joint Note.

$200. SALIDA, Col., December 2, 189-.

Three months after date we jointly promise to pay Howard Crosby, or orders, Two Hundred Dollars, value received.

GRACE HARDING.
GEORGE HARDING.

A Receipt on Account.

$500. SAN MATEO, Cal., November 1, 189-.

Received of George Woods, Five Hundred Dollars, on account.

FRANK JAMES.

A Receipt in Full.

$200. LOUISANA, Mo., October 31, 189-.

Received of John Jenkins, Two Hundred Dollars, in full for all demands up to date.

JAMES HIGGINS.

Form for a Bill.

NEW YORK, December 3, 189-.

MR. JOHN HENSON.

To JAMES CARROLL, DR.

To 10 pounds coffee, @ 30c $3.00
To 20 pounds sugar, @ 5c 1.00
To 2 pounds lard, @ 18c .36
To 1 pound tea, @ 60c .60
—————
$4.96

What and What Not to Say.

Don’t say “I feel good,” for “I feel well.”