Chapter XIII: The Clear Sentence

BUSINESS men like to talk of brevity. They tell you that a talk or a letter must be brief. What they really mean is that the talk or the letter must be concise; that it must state the business clearly in the fewest possible words. Don't omit any essential fact when you write, but don't repeat. If you can express an idea in ten words, don't use twenty. In a later exercise we shall meet the sentence, _The size of the crops is always important, and it is especially so to the farmer, and this is because he has to live by the crops._ The writer of that sentence was very careless. He had a good idea and thought that, if he kept repeating it, he would make it stronger. Just the reverse is true. The sentence may be expressed in a very few words: _The size of the crop is vitally important to the farmer._

If you wish to secure conciseness of expression, be especially careful to avoid joining or completing thoughts by these expressions: _and_, _so_, _why_, _that is why_, _this is the reason_, _and everything_.

In this chapter we shall consider some of the larger faults that should be avoided in sentences.

=Exercise 197--Unity of the Sentence=

Give the definition of a sentence.

How many thoughts may one sentence express?

What is likely to happen when two thoughts are joined by _and_? What, then, is the danger in using the compound sentence?

The compound sentence is good to use to express certain ideas, especially contrast; as,

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.

It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery,
but the friction [but it is the friction].

The sentences which most clearly and easily give us one thought are the simple and the complex sentences.

Compare the following sentences. Which of them leave _one_ idea in your mind?

The tongue is a sharp-edged tool.

A sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows
keener with constant use.

A sharp tongue is like an edged tool, and it grows
keener with constant use.

=Exercise 198=

The following is wordy. Rewrite it, condensing as much as possible. Use simple and complex sentences rather than compound, expressing in each only one thought.

In the early summer the corn crop frequently seems to
be very poor, and so reports begin to circulate that
corn will be high in the autumn, but when the autumn
really comes, Wall Street, that great center of
business life, begins to see that the reports have
been greatly exaggerated and that crops really will be
very good, and so business begins to pick up. The size
of the crop largely settles the volume of the next
season's business, because so great a part of the
world's business activity is made up of buying and
selling the actual potatoes and corn and wheat and
cattle or the products made from these, and when the
crop is poor there are a great many people concerned,
because they will be poor just as the crops are poor,
and this applies to the farmer as well as to the
dealer.

The size of the crops is always important, and is
especially so to the farmer, and this is because he
has to live by the crops. A man may be living in the
city and working for a salary and begin to see that
his work is not supporting him, and if he is an
ambitious man, he will change his occupation. This the
farmer cannot do because he has made an enormous
investment; in the first place, he has invested in
his land, and then in his seed and farm implements,
and this investment often means all the available
money the farmer has, and often it means a mortgage on
his farm. He puts the mortgage on his farm in hope of
getting a good crop, and when his hope is not
realized, he is in trouble, because he may lose his
whole farm if he cannot pay the installments of
interest due on his mortgage; but then, on the other
hand, if we consider the other side of the question,
when the crop is large, the situation is altogether
different. Even if the farmer has put a mortgage on
his farm, he gets enough money from his produce to pay
the debt of that mortgage, and he need not worry how
he is to live during the next winter.

The town merchants depend on a good crop, because, if
the farmer has not a good return from his fields, he
will have almost no ready money, and so he cannot buy
much clothing or household furnishings. In Iowa, for
instance, there is a little town in the center of a
corn-raising community, and it is here that the
farmers congregate to do their buying, and in this
town there is quite a large department store, and it
is run by a woman. She does most of her buying in the
autumn and she prefers to do it personally, and so she
likes to make a trip to New York for the purpose, but
she never sets out until she knows that the corn crop
is good. And the reason for this is that she knows
that it will cost her hundreds of dollars to make the
trip East, to stay at a good hotel, and to spend the
requisite length of time choosing her purchases at the
different wholesale houses, and she knows that if
there is no corn crop she will sell very few coats and
hats and lace curtains, and it will never pay her to
run up her expenses into the hundreds of dollars, but
she will buy as best she can from the drummers, and
buy only a little, and thus the size of the crop
determines how much the farmer can buy, and,
therefore, how much the wholesale and retail dealers
can sell.

=Exercise 199--Subordination in the Sentence=

Sentences containing compound predicates may be made more direct in thought if one of the verbs is changed to a participle or an infinitive, because the predicate will then express only one action; as,

1. The carpenter _threw_ down his hammer _and walked_
out of the shop.

2. _Throwing_ down his hammer, the carpenter walked
out of the shop.

3. I _went_ downtown _and applied_ for the position.

4. I went downtown _to apply_ for the position.

Change the following sentences so that one action is denoted by the predicate of each:

1. A teamster drove out of the alley east of the
theater and swung his horses directly in front of a
Madison street car.

2. The tongue struck the front of the car and bored a
hole in the fuse box.

3. The fire spread and burned the roof of the car.

4. The half dozen passengers were badly frightened and
got out quickly.

5. Several people ran and turned in a fire alarm.

6. In a few minutes the fire engines arrived and began
to fight the flames.

7. Crowds came from all directions and silently
watched the flames.

8. The people poured out of the theater and cheered
the firemen.

9. The half dozen passengers soon recovered and stood
on the curbstone in the crowd.

10. The firemen did their work quickly and departed
amid the cheers of the crowd.

=Exercise 200--Combination of Short Sentences=

Sometimes short sentences are bad because two or three of them are needed to express one complete thought. If that is the case, they should be combined, the most important detail being put into the principal clause, and the other details into modifiers, as in the preceding exercise.

Make use of--

1. Adjectives.
2. Adverbs.
3. Participial phrases.
4. Infinitives.
5. Relative pronouns.
6. Subordinate conjunctions.

Below, the first and second sentences together make one thought, which is expressed in the third.

John is a good reporter.
That is why he earns a good salary.
Because John is a good reporter, he earns a good salary.

Combine the sentences of each group below into a single sentence, either simple or complex, omitting as many words as possible but no ideas:

1. We stayed at home for two reasons: first of all, we
thought Baltimore might be unpleasantly warm. Then,
the other reason was that we thought we ought to
economize.

2. In China the wedding takes place at the
bridegroom's house. This has been decorated with
strips of bright red paper, and they have the word
"Hsi" on them. This means "Live in happiness."

3. First in the procession come the standard bearers.
They are hired for the occasion. These men have red
coats put on over their dirty clothes. The men they
hire are usually beggars.

4. Six years ago I went sailing on Lake George with my
father. I was ten years old at that time. Two other
men went along with us. The boat that we went in
belonged to my father and these men.

5. The wind was high and it would come in gusts. This
made it hard to sail. It shifted the sails so quickly
that it would throw the boat over on one side.

6. Several times the boat leaned over at an angle of
forty degrees. This let the water come in on that
side. When this happened, we all had to jump to the
other side. We did this so that the boat would right
itself.

7. The heart is the most important organ in the body.
This is because if the heart stops beating, you cannot
live. Besides, all the other organs are connected with
it. It is something like the main spring in a watch.

8. This is a good machine. And since that's the case,
I don't see why it is that it doesn't work as it
should.

9. In every business there are many bad debts. Some
can be collected and others cannot be. This is because
the men who made them were given credit, and they
didn't have any money.

10. The night was dark, and there were no stars. The
fishermen stood on the shore, and they gazed at the
wild sea. A storm had arisen, and they could not go
out in their boats.

=Exercise 201=

As in the preceding exercise, rewrite the following, omitting as many words as possible, but no ideas. Use shorter, simpler expressions wherever possible.

1

Uncle Sam now has an aerial navy, but it's a small
one, and foundations of it were recently laid. This
was done when contracts were signed for the delivery
of three aeroplanes and they are the first aeroplanes
that the United States bought. These aeroplanes are of
the latest development. They are all capable of rising
from land or water. They are able also to land on
water or on the deck of a ship, and they can carry at
least one passenger and are equipped with wireless
outfits. Two of them are Curtis machines and the third
is a Wright, and they ranged in price from $2,700 to
$5,500.

2

The United States produces more steel than any two
European countries, and it is continuing to produce
more. Moreover, it has the productive capacity to
produce more than any other three or four countries
put together. This capacity is being still further
increased. At the present time, there is one very
important steel company. It is very large, and seems
to wish to monopolize the entire iron and steel
industry. Even at this time it owns half the principal
plants that are now producing steel and iron, and
controls half the trade of the entire steel and iron
industry, and when such a thing happens, it is a
matter of international concern.

3

Condense the following into a single sentence, either simple or complex:

The iron and steel industry is very important, and it
includes a great deal. First, the ore has to be mined,
and then the work includes everything up to making the
finest wire for musical instruments. Or, to put it
another way, you can say from smelting the ore to
building a battle ship. This is a very interesting
occupation and, as said before, very important. There
is hardly anything more interesting or important
except agriculture.

=Exercise 202--Dangling Expressions=

Sometimes a sentence is not clear because it contains a participle which does not modify anything in the sentence. A participle is part _verb_ and part _adjective_. As a verb, it expresses the idea of the verb from which it is derived. As an adjective, it must modify a noun or a pronoun. The important point is that this noun or pronoun must be expressed in the sentence and not lie in the mind of the writer, as it does in the following:

Riding from Saugatuck to Holland last year, the
country showed unmistakable signs of lack of rain.

Here the writer means, _We saw that the country_, etc., but he says that the country rode from Saugatuck to Holland.

Again, an expression may be used which is really an incomplete clause. Do not use such a clause, unless the understood subject is the same as the subject expressed in the independent proposition.

_Wrong_: When almost exhausted, the camp was reached.
_Right_: When almost exhausted, we reached the camp.

Recast the following sentences, correcting the dangling expressions:

1. You should not stop studying your lessons until
thoroughly prepared.

2. In talking to the postman yesterday, he said that
his route had been changed.

3. Owing two months' rent, the foreman laid me off.

4. Before becoming a physician, the law sets a very
severe examination.

5. Having eaten our luncheon very hastily, the
typewriters were soon clicking merrily again.

6. The difficulty could easily be settled, going about
it in the right way.

7. Although determined to get my money, the task was
harder than I had expected.

8. Having installed an adding machine, our office work
could be done in half the time.

9. On entering the car, the first thing that caught my
attention was the sign at the end.

10. Silk should be washed with warm water and a mild
soap, being careful not to rub it.

11. The house was redecorated, making it clean and
homelike.

12. The book should be carefully studied, reviewing
each chapter after it is read.

13. Going to work this morning, an accident happened.

14. Having entered college, Mr. Brown watched his
son's progress with pride.

15. Soon after abandoning the boat, it sank.

16. They say he will be lame, caused by a fall on the
ice while skating.

17. While trying to break the half mile record, his
back was injured.

18. Many people object to football, because in
tackling the boys' hearts are weakened.

19. He did not wish to take up an extra study, thus
lessening his chance of being eligible for athletics.

20. While a child, my father often told me stories of
Indian days.

21. Absorbed all day in superintending his work, in
the evening the newspaper brought him political news
enough to fill the hours between dinner and bed-time.

22. Discussing the happenings in the ward with an old
crony, his daughter would often sit near him
listening.

23. He is failing in his work, caused by his laziness.

24. Although a good tonic, I did not gain weight while
taking it.

25. In the new telephone, upon lifting the receiver, a
ticking sound is heard.

26. Leaving the window open when she went to lunch, of
course the papers were disarranged on her return.

27. Dictionaries must be returned to the desk after
using.

=Exercise 203--Pronouns with Uncertain Antecedents=

Sometimes the meaning of a sentence is not clear because the pronouns have uncertain antecedents.

1. Sometimes a pronoun may refer to either of two antecedents; as,

_Wrong_: He gave his brother John the umbrella and then _he_ left.
_Right_: He gave the umbrella to his brother John, who then left.

2. Sometimes the sentence must be entirely recast and a direct quotation used before the pronouns can be made clear; as,

_Wrong_: Tom told his father that _his_ suit case was lost.
_Right_: _a._ Tom said, "Father, your suit case is lost."
_b._ Tom said, "Father, my suit case is lost."

3. Sometimes the pronoun refers to a word that has not been expressed or to an _idea_. In that case, the antecedent must be supplied; as,

_Wrong_: If any one wishes to contribute to the cause, let him send
_it_ in the enclosed envelope.
_Right_: If any one wishes to contribute to the cause, let him send
_his contribution_ in the enclosed envelope.

_Wrong_: I wouldn't wear mittens. Nobody does _that_ nowadays.
_Right_: I wouldn't wear mittens. Nobody wears _them_ nowadays.

4. A sentence containing an indefinite _they_ or _it_ is corrected thus:

_Wrong_: Don't _they_ have street cars where you live?
_Right_: Are there _no_ street cars where you live?

Recast the following:

1. She asked her mother if she could go, and she said
she thought she ought to stay at home.

2. John told James he was sure he did not know the
office that he meant.

3. George told his father his watch had stopped.

4. The manager asked the clerk to bring his book.

5. A light touch is important in a typewriter, because
it makes it easy to write upon it.

6. The size of the crops is important to the farmers,
because they have to live by them.

7. They decided to reorganize the company, which is
always a difficult task.

8. They went into the hands of a receiver, which is an
indication that the affairs of the company had been
poorly managed.

9. There is a boat on the lake over which there is a
pleasant view, in which there is a club for working
girls.

10. He stole some money which brought about an
investigation.

11. She asked her aunt how old she was.

12. John is famous for telling anecdotes, and he got
it by remembering every story he reads.

13. The sleighing party last night was a success,
which is not always the case.

14. He told a lie, which is a bad thing to do.

15. They engaged a gardener, which doubled their
monthly expenses.

16. Why don't you get some of that new fur trimming
for your blue dress?

17. They had an accident on the street car this
morning.

18. In the newspaper it said that the lecture would
begin at 8:15.

19. They don't find iron in Illinois, do they?

20. Do they have the original paintings in our art
gallery?

21. It says "Closed" on that door.

22. It doesn't mention a bank draft in this book.

23. They have a great many foreigners in New York
City.

24. John accompanied his brother to the city where he
bought a typewriter.

25. I had expected to take the 9:30 train, but I
couldn't do it.

26. Going up to the horse he put a lump of sugar into
his mouth.

27. In letter writing one should always be exact and
arrange them in the customary form.

28. Those hooks are not rust-proof because the back of
my dress is stained with it.

29. The telephone is a great convenience to all. They
are now used in almost every house.

30. As we came down the road, it sounded like a train,
which, as we approached, grew louder and louder.

=Exercise 204--Misplaced Modifiers=

Sometimes a sentence is not clear because a modifier does not stand close to the word it modifies.

_Wrong_: I can't _even_ do the first problem.
_Right_: I can't do _even_ the first problem.

Change the order of words in the following sentences, placing each modifier as closely as possible to the word which it modifies. Some of the sentences are incorrect because they contain split infinitives. (See Exercise 92.)

1. I only waited for him about ten minutes.

2. She stood at the window, trying to close it with a
troubled face.

3. The city is supplied with water from cold springs
which flow nearly a hundred million gallons of the
purest liquid that ever burst from the earth, daily.

4. The famous S. F. ice cream is made in this factory
containing fifty per cent pure cream.

5. A man should not be allowed to cast a vote, who
cannot read and write.

6. After taking the medicine for a short time, the
appetite is improved, and a desire is created for
food, that has not existed before.

7. In real value, this magazine towers head and
shoulders over all others to the woman who is in
charge of her home.

8. There are pages of fashion news and embroidery
hints and news articles of the day that will appeal to
the husband and father as the others do to the wife
and daughter as well as departments for the children.

9. The number of the sewing machine is 37A with a drop
head.

10. They neither are gentle nor well-mannered.

11. I only heard about the trouble yesterday.

12. He left the same station at which, thirty years
before, he had arrived very humbly, in his own special
car.

13. He urged his brother to buy a home in his letter.

14. The lighting system has been developed to a really
remarkable degree of perfection for the trains.

15. The dynamo is so arranged that when the train is
standing still or only traveling twenty miles an hour,
the lamps are lighted from a storage battery.

16. The batteries must be large enough during the run
to carry the entire lighting load.

17. Please send me 6 Dining Tables No. 46 that extend
to ten feet as soon as possible.

18. Large trees grow on each side of the house which
is a rambling affair shutting out the light.

19. They decided to give a bonus to the one doing the
best work, amounting to fifty dollars.

20. We had almost got to the corner before we saw the
fire.

21. I don't ever remember having seen so big a fire.

22. Remember to thoroughly oil the machine.

23. Do you need to in any way alter the machine?

24. If we expect to completely fill the order to-day,
we need more help.

=Exercise 205--Omission of Necessary Words=

Sometimes a sentence is not clear because a word has been omitted that is necessary to the sense; as,

_Wrong_: The two officers that they elected are the president and secretary.

_Right_: The two officers that they elected are the president and _the_ secretary.

_Wrong_: His writing is as good or better than yours.

_Right_: His writing is as good _as_ or better than yours.

_Wrong_: The library is where we go to read.

_Right_: The library is _the place_ where we go to read.

State the difference between the following typewriter ribbons:

1. A red and blue and black ribbon.
2. A red and a blue and black ribbon.
3. A red and blue and a black ribbon.
4. A red and a blue and a black ribbon.

Supply the omitted part in each of the following:

1. I always have and I'm sure I always shall be
considerate of others' feelings.

2. They have a stenographer and bookkeeper, who are
kept busy all day.

3. I believe he has already or will soon begin the
work.

4. The cushions of the rocker are much softer than the
armchair.

5. The arrangement of your flat is much more
convenient than our house.

6. The number of shelves in your sideboard is just the
same as our china closet.

7. I think the articles you ordered will arrive as
soon or sooner than you expect.

8. She is as tall or taller than you.

9. When your message arrived, I had already or at
least had decided to begin cutting the goods.

10. It may not be better but it is fully as good as
the other article.

11. I think you cook fully as well if not better than
your sister.

12. His poems hold a place in our hearts second only
to the Bible.

13. Your idea is as good if not better than mine.

14. We decided to make the change both for the sake of
health and economy.

15. You will find the armchair fully as comfortable,
if not more so, than the rocker.

16. The river is where we had the most fun.

17. I know you better than Mary.

18. She went to the park but I didn't care to.

19. We didn't object to the scheme as much as you.

20. A conservatory is where there are all kinds of
flowers.

=Exercise 206--Shift in Construction=

Sometimes the meaning of the sentence is obscure because there has been a shift in construction. Do not change subject, person, tense, or any grammatical form without a good reason. Remember that _and_ is a coördinate conjunction. If there is an adjective before _and_, there must be an adjective after it. If a clause precedes, a clause must follow. In other words, _and_ joins two members of exactly the same structure. _And_ may not join one word and a phrase, nor may it join a prepositional and a participial phrase. Both members must be alike. In the following extract, parallel constructions are used correctly. Be able to tell what kinds of elements are used and how they are parallel.

To eat your cake and keep it too; to wear a gown with
the air of originality and distinction, and keep a
full purse; to have your house display taste and
refinement, and be praised as an economical housewife;
to dress your children daintily, and save money for
their education--use ABC transfer patterns. By their
aid you can make an inexpensive waist look like a
French blouse, have table linen of unrivaled elegance,
and dress your babies in the most approved style.
These patterns cost,--some ten, some fifteen cents.
They cover the entire field of dress,--waists, tunics,
panels, infants' clothes, underwear, men's apparel,
and neckwear; and of household articles,--towels,
table-linen, and pillow tops.

Recast the following sentences, correcting the shift of construction in each:

1. In the large department stores every clerk is to
report on her way to lunch and coming back.

2. When one hears a cry of "Fire," your first thought
is to run.

3. He seemed fond of his work and to have skill in
doing it quickly.

4. I decided on taking the trip and to keep my
expenses within fifty dollars if possible.

5. X Y Z Cleaner is good for softening water and other
household uses.

6. Because of the rise in the price of meats and owing
to the fact that grocers charge more for butter and
eggs, people find it hard to live.

7. The office is well-heated and with plenty of light.

8. The crowds began to watch the fire and cheering
loudly.

9. I heard the opera last year and have gone again
this year.

10. It was wonderful to see how fast they worked and
their accuracy.

11. I can't decide whether to take up stenography or
if bookkeeping is better.

12. He taught us the principles of letter writing, and
somewhat of advertising was taken up.

13. Hoping that the work progressed, and unless a
landslide occurred, the Americans expected to remove
5,000,000 cubic yards each year.

14. The study of the earth has always been stimulated
by two fundamental passions of humanity--a desire for
wealth and because of their curiosity.

15. He insists on our taking the trip and to go
without further delay.

16. In reviewing, it is well to go over each part of
the course carefully, and you should make a note of
every point which you do not understand, and let each
ask those questions which he himself cannot answer.

17. Mr. Fitzmorris is a man of great technical skill
and who has handled the situation capably.

18. It will cost her hundreds of dollars to make the
trip East and spending the requisite length of time
choosing her purchases at the different wholesale
houses.

19. He had assumed control of the office, planned the
advertising, and the finances were also directed by
him.

20. We have decided to go on the excursion to the
Capitol and at the same time visiting Uncle John.

=Exercise 207=

What prevents clearness in the following?

1. The Federal Government began an investigation into
fire conditions in Europe in 1907, through our
consuls.

2. It cost $2.39 a year for fire in the United States
between 1901 and 1910, for every man, woman, and
child, and Germany does not even pay nineteen cents.

3. The number of our fires is increasing, which is
worse.

4. In ten years our population has increased 73 per
cent and 134 per cent is the increase in fires.

5. Having considered the details, the conclusion is
easily drawn that fire is a disgrace.

6. He only gets to the office at ten o'clock.

7. Having settled the plan of attack, the rest was
simple.

8. The manager warned him not to make the mistake
again and adding that mistakes are costly.

9. To keep flannels from shrinking, wash in the
following way, and you will find it very satisfactory.

10. To open a fruit jar run a knife under the edge and
it comes off easily.

11. I didn't even finish half the questions.

12. Electric lights are economical, clean, and give
more light than gas.

13. You should buy your suit now, both for the sake of
economy and style.

14. If in doubt as to the best word, a book of
synonyms should be consulted.

15. The comma fault is where, two principal clauses
are run together without a coördinate conjunction.

Rewrite the following so that it will be correct, concise, and clear:

The Europeans were anxious for trade with the East,
for they were dependent upon them for spices and
luxuries. The three routes were through the
Mediterranean Sea, over the Suez Peninsula, down the
Red Sea, and across to India. Another was through the
Mediterranean and then through Arabia. The other was
from the Mediterranean and then through the Black Sea
and then by land to India. It became necessary to seek
a new route because the Turks held Constantinople, and
all vessels had to pass through the Mediterranean, and
the Turks held this by pirates. The first explorers
were working under the leadership of the King of
Portugal, and they solved the problem by going around
Africa and then to the Indies, but this was too long,
and so explorers tried other ways, and the result was
the discovery of America.