Chapter V: Usurers and Curryers., 392 (21)

To come now to the Doctrine that’s wrapt up in the Example. ’Tis Scandalous with a Respect to the Ordinances both of God and Man; ’tis a high Offence to common Decency in regard of the Sex, the Duty, and the Relation: And then ’tis most abominably Indiscreet, because if the Man be not a Coxcomb, the Woman is sure to be worsted; and if he be one, ’tis as good as a _Noverint Universi_, that there’s _a Fool and a Shrew well met_. The word _Yoak-Fellow_ goes a great way with a _Thrush-Woman_. And so does the _Text_, that says, _They shall be both One Flesh_. From whence she infers an Equality at least, if not a Right of Dominion; for the Rib ought to have some Preference above the Clay.

This is not to be taken for a General Character of Women, but for a Reproof only of some Eager-Spirited _Gypsies_ of the Sex; and for the Honour also of those Angelical Perfections, which render them both the Joy and the Blessing of Mankind, when they live Suitably in all Points to the Intent of their Creation.

FAB. CCCCXXIX.

Two _Soldiers_ go Halves.

The Humour took Two Country Fellows in the Head once to turn Soldiers, and so away they went to try the Chance of War, upon an Agreement to go Halves in the Adventure. The One fell Sick upon the way; t’other went forward to the Army, where he got himself both Money and Credit. At his Return a while after, he found his Friend upon the Mending Hand, and told him how and how, which he was Extremely Glad to hear, because of the Snip that he himself Expected upon the _Dividend_. As they were Talking of this and that by the By; he took his time to put in a hint about Sharing the Booty according to their Agreement. That’s all the Reason in the World, says t’other; but then there are other things to be divided too, which I han’t told you of, and when we come to reckon, we had e’en as good make one work on’t, and count all together. This, says t’other to himself, must be something of Plate, Jewels or Precious Plunder; and so he came bluntly to the Question, what it was that his _Camrade_ had gotten besides? Why look ye, says the Soldier, (shewing him his Naked Body,) Here are Bruises, Wounds, Maims and Scars, that are to be divided as well as the Money. Nay, says the other, you may e’en keep all y’ve got to your own use then; for I’ll have no dividing upon those Terms.

The MORAL.

_Part’ners must go Half-Profit, Half-Loss, ’tis no Bargain else._

REFLEXION.

’Tis Wisdom not to give more for a Thing then ’tis worth; and in Common Equity, Part’ners should take the Good and the Bad, one with another, or let both alone. People should not enter _Hand over Head_ into Part’nerships or Adventures, either in War or in Business; they should consider that the Blows and the Scars are to be divided, as well as the Pistols and the Ducats, and the Loss as well as the Profit. The Two Parties are as good as Man and Wife, where the Bargain is _for Better for Worse_. Nay, there’s Brawling as well as Kissing in the very State of Matrimony it self; and when People come to be Us’d to both at Once, let them set one against the other, and then put the Gain in their Eyes. If Life be a Journey, Men must expect Foul Way as well as Fair, and content themselves to Travel in all Weathers, and through all Difficulties; which is no more then the same Mixture that we meet with in all our Undertakings: Wherefore let no Man Brag of his Bargain, till he has cast up his Account, and set the Scars against the Booty.

FAB. CCCCXXX.

A _Lion_ and a _Man_.

Among other good Counsels that an Old Experienc’d Lion gave to his Whelp, this was One; That he should never Contend with a Man; for says he, _if ever you do, you’ll be worsted_. The Little Lion gave his Father the Hearing, and kept the Advice in his Thought, but it never went near his Heart. When he came to be grown up afterward, and in the Flower of his Strength and Vigour, About and About he Ranges to look for a Man to Grapple with: In his Ramble he chances to spy _a Yoak of Oxen_; so up to ’em he goes presently; _Hark ye Friends_, says he, _are you MEN?_ They told him No; but their _Master_ was a Man. Upon leaving the Oxen, he went to a Horse that he saw _Bridled_, and Ty’d to a Tree, and ask’d him the same Question; _No_, says the Horse, _I am no Man my Self, but he that Bridled and Sadled me, and ty’d me up here, He’s a Man_. He goes after this to one that was cleaving of Blocks. D’ye hear, says the Lion, You seem to be a _Man_. _And a Man I am_, says the Fellow. That’s well, quoth the Lion, and dare you Fight with Me? Yes, says the Man, I dare Fight with ye: Why I can Tear all these Blocks to pieces ye see. Put your Feet now into this Gap, where you see an Iron Thing there, and try what you can do. The Lion presently put his Claws into the Gaping of the Wood, and with one Lusty Pluck, made it give way, and out drops the Wedge, the Wood immediately closing upon’t; and there was the Lion caught by the Toes. The Woodman presently upon this, Raises the Country; and the Lion finding what a Streight he was in, gave one Hearty Twitch, and got his Feet out of the Trap, but left his Claws behind him. So away he goes back to his Father, all Lame and Bloody, with this Confession in his Mouth; _Alas, my Dear Father_, says he, _This had never been, if I had follow’d your Advice_.

The MORAL.

_Disobedience to Parents is against the Laws of Nature and of Nations, Common Justice, Prudence and Good Manners; and the Vengeance of Heaven, Sooner or Later, Treads upon the Heels on’t._

REFLEXION.

People are not to Reason upon Obedience to Parents, and Submission to Governors, provided there be nothing in the Command, or in the Imposition that is simply Evil. Reason in Man, does abundantly supply the Defect of other Faculties wherein we are inferior to Beasts; and what we cannot compass by Force, we bring about by Stratagem. The Intent of this Fable is to set forth the Excellency of Man above all Creatures upon the Earth; and to shew, that he is _Lord and Ruler over all the rest_; their _Teeth_, _Claws_, _Stings_, and other means of Offence, notwithstanding. The young Lion himself is Charg’d by his Sire not to Contend with him; so that consequently no Creature of less Force is upon any Terms to Encounter him. Not but that there are some special Instances to the contrary, in Exception to the General Rule. The _Moralist_ makes the Event to confirm the Reason, and to support the Authority of the Lions Counsel. It may pass likewise in some sort, for a _Punishment_ of Disobedience to a Parent; but there’s the Voice of Providence and Wisdom in’t as well as the Voice of a Father; which is intimated in shewing us, that the Yoak of Oxen, and the Horse that stood Bridled and Sadled, had a _Man_ still to their _Master_.

FAB. CCCCXXXI.

A _Hare_ and a _Sparrow_.

A Sparrow happen’d to take a Bush just as an Eagle made a Stoop at a _Hare_; and when she had got her in the Foot, Poor _Wat_ cry’d out for Help. Well, (says the Sparrow) and why don’t ye Run for’t now? I thought your Footmanship would have Sav’d ye. In this very Moment comes a Hawk and whips away the _Sparrow_; which gave the Dying _Hare_ this Consolation in her last Distress, that she saw her Insolent Enemy overtaken with a just Vengeance, and that the _Hard-Hearted Creature_ that had no _Pity_ for _another_, could obtain none for her self neither, when she stood most in _need_ on’t.

The MORAL.

_’Tis with Men and Governments, as it is with Birds and Beasts. The Weaker are a Prey to the stronger, and so one under another, through the whole Scale of the Creation. We ought therefore to have a Fellow-Feeling of one anothers Afflictions; for no Body knows whose turn may be next._

REFLEXION.

Here’s a Just Judgment upon Ill Nature; wherefore let no Man make Sport with the Miserable, that is in danger to be Miserable himself, as Every Man may be; and in Truth every Man deserves so to be, that has no Tenderness for his Neighbour. It is a high Degree of Inhumanity not to have a Fellow feeling of the Misfortune of my Brother; but to take Pleasure in my Neighbour’s Misery, and to make Merry with it, is not only a Brutal, but a Diabolical Barbarity and Folly.

FAB. CCCCXXXII.

A _Fox_ and a _Cock_.

A Hungry _Fox_ that had got a _Cock_ in his Eye, and could not tell how to come at him; cast himself at his Length upon the Ground, and there he lay winking and pinking as if he had Sore Eyes. Ah, (says he to the _Cock_) I have gotten a Thorn here, with Creeping through a Hedge t’other Day; ’twould be the greatest Charity in the World, if you would but help me out with it. Why truly, says the _Cock_, I am no Oculist, and if I should go to _Help one Eye_, and _put out T’other_ with my _Spur_, we should have but an Untoward Business on’t; but if you are not in very great Hast, I can fly Home in a Trice, and bring ye One that shall certainly Cure ye. The _Fox_ finding ’twas all but _Banter_: _Well_, (says he,) _’tis no Great Matter then; for the more Physicians, the more Danger, they say_.

The MORAL.

_Shuffling and Fencing, is in many Cases both Allowable and Necessary: Especially where Craft is to be Encounter’d with Craft._

REFLEXION.

There’s no Trusting to a _Known Hypocrite_ and an _Enemy Both_ in _One_, and therefore the _Cock_ was too Crafty for the _Fox_ here, and kept himself upon his Guard. There is this Mischief in _False Dealing_, that it forces People to be _Hard Natur’d_ and _Suspicious_ in their own Defence; for Credulity is Mortal. Not but that many Men are Impos’d upon to their Ruin by a Mistaken _Charity_ and _Compassion_. It is a Nice Point however, for a Man to take upon him to Assign the many and Various Cases that occur upon this Topick, and so as to allot them their Just and Proper Limits, with such a Regard to _Good Nature_ and _Discretion_, as neither to be wanting to _Our Selves_, nor to _Others_: But yet the _Possible Danger_ of Relieving a _Miserable Person_, for fear he should be a _Counterfeit_, will not _Excuse_ a Man from doing Acts of _Humanity_, notwithstanding that Pretence. But there is a Double Hazzard in’t, for we may Miscarry either by _too Little Caution One_ way, or by _too much Presumption_ the _other_. Now the Smelling out of a Trick, and the _Defeating_ of it, does not come so Home, as _Repaying_ of it in _kind_; for the _Contempt_ in the manner of doing it, gives a kind of _Sting_ to the _Disappointment_. But the _Fox_ however has the Grace of other _Bantering Buffons_: That is to say, he is never to be put out of _Countenance_; and when he finds himself _Pinch’d_, he shifts it off with a _Droll_.

FAB. CCCCXXXIII.

_Joy_ and _Sorrow_ are near A-kin.

There pass’d a great many Bitter Words once upon a time betwixt _Joy_ and _Sorrow_; insomuch that they Mov’d the Court upon it by Consent, and made a Chancery Cause on’t. Upon a _Fair_ and a _Full Hearing_, the Judge found some colour of Equity on _Both sides_, and would fain have made ’em _Friends_ again. You should consider, says he, how near y’are _a-kin_, and what a Scandal ’tis, to have these Heats and Squabbles among _Relations_: But all this went in at One Ear, and out at _T’other_: So that when he saw there was no Good to be done, he pass’d this Sentence upon them, That since they would not go Hand in Hand Amicably of _Themselves_, they should be _Link’d_ together in a _Chain_; and Each of them in his Turn should be perpetually Treading upon the _Heel_ of the _Other_; and not a Pin Matter then which went _Foremost_.

The MORAL.

_No Man is to Presume in Prosperity, or to Despair in Adversity; for Good and Ill Fortune do as naturally succeed one another, as Day and Night._

REFLEXION.

It is the lot of Mankind to be happy and Miserable by turns. The Wisdom of _Nature_ will have it so; and it is exceedingly for our Advantage that so it should be. There’s nothing Pure under the Heavens, and the Rule holds in the Chances of _Life_, as well as in the _Elements_: Beside that, such an Abstracted Simplicity, (if any such thing there were,) would be neither Nourishing to us, nor Profitable. By the Meditation of this Mixture, we have the Comfort of _Hope_ to _support_ us in our Distresses, and the Apprehensions of a _Change_, to keep a _Check_ upon us in the very Huff of our _Greatness and Glory_: So that by this Vicissitude of _Good_ and _Evil_, we are kept steady in our _Philosophy_, and in our Religion. The one Minds us of _God’s Omnipotence_ and _Justice_; the _Other_ of his _Goodness_ and _Mercy_: The _One_ tells us, that there’s _No Trusting to our own Strength_; the _Other_ Preaches _Faith_ and _Resignation_ in the prospect of an _Over-ruling Providence_ that takes Care of us. What is it but _Sickness_ that gives us a Taste of _Health_? _Bondage_ the Relish of _Liberty_? And what but the Experience of _Want_ that Enhances the Value of _Plenty_? That which we call _Ease_ is only an _Indolency_ or a Freedom from _Pain_; and there’s no such thing as _Felicity_ or _Misery_, but by the _Comparison_. ’Tis very true that _Hopes_ and _Fears_ are the _Snares_ of Life in some Respects; but they are the Relief of it in others. Now for fear of the worst however on either hand, every Man has it in his own Power by the Force of Natural Reason, to Master the Temptation of falling either into Presumption or Despair.

FAB. CCCCXXXIV.

The _Owl_ and the _Sun_.

There was a Pinking Owl once upon a very Bright and a Glorious Morning, that sate Sputtering at the _Sun_, and ask’d him what he meant to stand Staring her in the _Eyes_ at that _Rate_. Well, says the _Sun_, but if _your Eyes_ will not bear the _Light_, what’s your Quarrel to _my Beams_ that _Shed_ it? Do you think it a Reasonable Thing that the whole World should be Depriv’d of the Greatest Blessing in Nature, to Gratifie the Folly, the Arrogance and the Infirmity of One Sot?

The MORAL.

_There is nothing so Excellent, or so Faultless, but Envy and Detraction will find somewhat to say against it._

REFLEXION.

It is no more in the Power of Calumny and Envy to Blast the Dignity of a Wise and of an Honest Man, then it was in the Power of the _Blear-Ey’d Owl_ here, to cast a Scandal upon the Glory and Greatness of the _Sun_. The Principles of Good and Evil are as Firm, as the Foundations of the Earth, and never had any Man Living the Face yet to make an Open Profession of Wickedness in its own Name. Not but that Men of Vicious Lives and Conversations, have found out ways of Imposing their Corruptions and Infirmities upon the World for Virtues, under false Semblances and Colours. But there’s no Man all this while, that sets up for a Knave or a Coxcomb in Direct Terms. Now the Mystery of the Cheat lies in the Artificial Disguising of One thing for Another, and in making Evil pass for Good, and Good for Evil: As every Virtue has its Bordering Vice, and every Vice its Bordering Virtue. So that the Pretence is fair still, let the Practice be never so Foul, and Men will be trying to bring down the Rule to the Error, where they cannot Reconcile the Error to the Rule. When People have once Inverted the Measures of Moral Equity, and Natural Reason, and brought the Question of Right or Wrong, so far as in them lies, to a False Standard, there follows in course, an Envious Malevolence upon the Opposition. As for Example; A Fool Naturally Hates a Philosopher: A Debauchee does as Naturally Hate a Man of good Government and Moderation. A Man of Conscience and Religion is as much an Eye-Sore to a Profligate Atheist: And a Mercenary _Knight of the Post_ has just as much Kindness for a Man of Probity and Virtue. To Conclude the Moral, There are of these _Owls_ in Palaces and Assemblies, as well as in Barns and Groves; but a Man of Honour and Integrity Shines on, like the Sun in the Firmament, Unconcern’d, and continues his Course.

FAB. CCCCXXXV.

_Jupiter_ and a _Farmer_.

_Jupiter_ had a Farm a long time upon his hand, for want of a Tenant to come up to his Price, ’till a Bold Fellow at last was content to Take it, upon Condition that he himself might have the Ordering of the Air and the Seasons, as he thought fit. So _Jupiter_ Covenanted with him, that it should be Hot or Cold, Wet or Dry, Calm or Windy, as the Tenant should Direct. In Conclusion, this Man had effectually a Climate of his own, that his very next Neighbours felt nothing of: And it was well they did not; for when they had a Plentiful Harvest and Vintage, the Farmer himself had hardly any Corn or Grass upon his Ground. He took other Measures the Year following, which (as it fell out) prov’d the more Unkindly of the Two. He held on however, till he was upon the very Point of Breaking; and when it came to that once, he was e’en glad to Petition _Jupiter_ to Release him of his Bargain; for he was now Convinc’d that Providence knows Better what is good for us, then we know what is good for our Selves.

The MORAL.

_We should do well to make it One Petition in our_ Litany, _that in many Cases Heaven would be so Gracious to us, as not to hear our Prayers; for we are otherwise in Danger to be undone by our own wish_.

REFLEXION.

What work would Malevolents and Malecontents make in the World, if they might but have the Governing of it; and if Heaven were not more Mercifull to us, then to grant us our Wishes? Wherefore there must be no Prescribing of Rules to the Divine Wisdom. What a Confusion would it bring upon Mankind, if all those People that are Unsatisfied with the Motions, Revolutions and Influences of the Celestial Orbs; the Course of the Seasons, and the Providential Distribution of Heats and Colds, Rain, Frosts and Sun shine, might be Allow’d to take the Government into their own Hands? There needs nothing more to Convince us of the Vanity, the Malice and the Folly of these Intermedlers with the Works and Orders of an Over-ruling Power; and yet we must be making Articles and Conditions forsooth, in Matters where we have neither Authority nor Skill: And where, in spite of our Hearts, we must Submit, as in Duty and Reverence we are obliged to Resign, and to Obey.

FAB. CCCCXXXVI.

A _Wolf_ turns Religious.

A Wolf that was past Labour, had the Wit in his Old Age, yet to make the best of a bad Game: He borrows a Habit, and so about he goes Begging a Charity from Door to Door under the Disguise of a Pilgrim: And for ought we know, this may be one of the Pilgrims that were to have Landed at _Milford Haven_, in the Year 1677/8. One of his Relations that had the Fortune to Meet him in this Holy Garb and Pretence, took him up Roundly, for stooping so much below the Dignity of his Family and Profession. _Why what would you have me do?_ says the _Pilgrim Wolf_; _My Teeth and my Heels are gone, so that I can neither Run, nor Worry, and I must either Cant, and turn Religious, or Starve_.

The MORAL.

_When People can live no longer by downright Rapine and Villany, for want of Strength, Means, or Ability to go on at the Old Rate, ’tis a common thing for ’em to Drive on the Old Trade still, under a Semblance of Religion and Virtue. So that Impotency goes a great way toward the Conversion of an Old Sinner._

REFLEXION.

A _Proselyte-Wolf_ is a very Saint yet to a _Proselyte-Christian_, that makes his Belly his God, and Renounces his Faith for Bread. Now over and above the Lively Image of the Practice of the World in this Wonderfull Conversion, ’tis Pleasant enough to consider how Gravely the _New-Convert_ is taken up by one of his _Fellow Wolves_, for bringing such a Disgrace upon his Character and Function, as to Submit to the Picking up of a Livelyhood in that _Strolling_ way of Canting and Begging; which in the Moral, gives us to Understand, that the Hypocrite is the Fouler and the Baser Beast of the Two. The Doctrin of this Fable, if the Matter were well Examin’d, would more or less run through the whole Race of Mankind; for Repentance and a New Life, is naturally the Discourse and Retreat of Old Sinners, when they find they can live by Barefac’d Wickedness no longer: What a Hideous Roll would it make, if the Names of all the People that are Pointed at under this Emblem of the _Pilgrim-Wolf_ were written in their Foreheads!

FAB. CCCCXXXVII.

The _Asses Skin_.

A Miserable _Ass_ that was ready to sink under Blows and Burdens, call’d upon Death to Deliver him from that Intolerable Oppression. Death was within Hearing it seems, and took him at his Word; but told him withal for his Comfort, that whereas other Creatures end their Misfortunes and their Lives together, You must not expect that it will be so with you; for (says Death,) they’l make Drums of your Skin, when your Carcass shall be Carrion, and never leave Drubbing of ye so long as one Piece will hold to another.

The MORAL.

_Some People are Miserable beyond the Relief even of Death it self: That is to say, there are Men that lead Restless Lives in this World, under a Dreadful Apprehension at the same time, of being more Wretched in the next._

REFLEXION.

This Moral does not lye so square, as to bear any great Weight upon’t. ’Tis true, that our Fame and Memory shall out-live our Bodies; and that in that sense a Man may be said to be Miserable after his Death; even in a Pagan way of Understanding it, as well as with a Regard to the Immortality of the Soul in a Christian Application. It holds forth to us the Pertinacy of Ill Fortune, in Pursuing some People into their very Graves: But they that are born to a Fatality of Endless Misfortunes, must submit to go thorough with them.

FAB. CCCCXXXVIII.

A _Fool_ and a _Hot Iron_.

A Smith threw down a Horse-Shoe in his Shop that was but just come out of the Fire. A Fool took it up; it burnt his Fingers, and he cast it down again. Why ye Blockhead you says the Workman, could not you have try’d whether ’twas Hot or no before you meddled with it? _How try?_ says the Fool. Why a _Hot Iron_ would have Hiss’d if you had but _Spit_ upon’t. The Fool carry’d this Philosophy away with him, and took an Occasion afterward to _Spit_ in his _Porridge_, to try if they’d _Hiss_. They did not _Hiss_ it seems, and so he Guttled ’em up, and Scalt his _Chops_. Well says one that was by, and could not you have stay’d till they were cold? Why, I thought they had been Cold, says the Fool. You might have known they were Hot, says t’other, by their Smoaking. The Fool carried this in his mind too; and going a while after to a Spring-Head to quench his Thirst, he fancy’d that the Fountain Smoak’d too; and there he staid ’till he was almost Choaked, for fear of Burning his Chops once again.

The MORAL.

_This very Innocent may serve to Teach Wise Men Caution, that they Examine Matters before they pass a Judgment upon them; for otherwise, we live at a kind of Hap-Hazzard, and without any Insight into Causes and Effects._

REFLEXION.

’Tis a Great Folly not to Distinguish betwixt things Extremely Differing in their Qualities and Nature; ’tis no wonder to find one Simplicity of this Kind follow’d with more; for Weak Men will be still applying the last Rule to the next Case, for want of Reasoning and Connecting upon the _whole_. ’Tis an Odd thing now, that a _Mountebank_ should get Reputation by the same Error that makes an _Idiot_ yet more Ridiculous; that is to say, by Prescribing the same Remedy to all Diseases. There was Just such another Innocent as this, in my Father’s Family: He did the Course Work in the Kitchen, and was bid at his first Coming to take off the _Range_, and let down the _Cynders_ before he went to Bed. The poor Silly Wretch laid Hands of the Irons, when they were next to _Red Hot_ yet, and they stuck to his Fingers. _A Vengeance on ye_, says he, _Y’are as warm as Wool_; and so shook ’em off again. Now this _Innocent_, I dare Answer for him, had never read _Camerarius_, so that he did not Burn his Fingers by that Copy.

FAB. CCCCXXXIX.

A _Cock_ and _Horses_.

A Cock was got into a Stable, and there was he Nestling in the Straw among the Horses; and still as the Fit took ’em they’d be Stamping and Flinging, and laying about ’em with their Heels. So the Cock very gravely Admonish’d them; Pray, my Good Friends, let us have a Care, says he, that we don’t Tread upon One Another.

The MORAL.

_Unequal Conversations are Dangerous and Inconvenient to the Weaker Side in many Respects, whether it be in Regard of Quality, Fortune, or the like; where the weight of the One, sinks the Other: And no matter whether we Embark out of Vanity or Folly; for ’tis Hazzardous both ways._

REFLEXION.

So says many a Vain Fool in the World, as this Cock does in the Like Case, and Exposes himself to Scorn, as well as Destruction. ’Tis a necessary Point of Wisdom for People to sort themselves with fit Company, and to make a Right Judgment of their Conversation. I do not mean in the matter of Morals only, where Vicious and Ill Habits are Contagious; but there should a Regard be had to the very Size, Quality and Degree of the Men that we Frequent: For where the Disproportion is very great, a Man may be Ruin’d without Malice, and Crush’d to Pieces by the Weight even of one that has a Kindness for him. Now where we Misjudge the Matter, a Miscarriage draws Pity after it, but when we are Transported by Pride and Vanity into so Dangerous an Affectation, our Ruin lies at our own Door.

FAB. CCCCXL.

A _Gard’ner_ and a _Mole_.

A Gard’ner took a Mole in his Grounds, and the Question was, whether he should put her to Death or no. The Mole Pleaded that she was one of his Family, and Digg’d his Garden for Nothing: Nay, she Insisted upon’t, what Pity ’twas to Destroy a Creature that had so smooth a Skin, and Twenty other Little Pretences. Come, come, says the Gard’ner, I am not to be Fool’d with a Parcel of Fair Words: You have nothing for Digging ’tis True; but pray who set you at Work? Is it for my Service d’ye think, to have my Plants and my Herbs torn up by the Roots? and what’s your business at last, but by doing all you can for the filling of your own Belly, to leave me nothing to Eat?

FAB. CCCCXLI.

A _Man_ and a _Weazle_.

There was a Weazle taken in a Trap, and whether she should Dye or not, was the Point: The Master of the House Charg’d her with heavy Misdemeanors, and the Poor Vermin stood much upon her Innocence and Merit. Why says she, I keep your House Clear of Mice. Well says the Man, but you do’t for your Own sake, not for Mine. What work would they make in the Pantry and the Larder, (says she) if it were not for me? And in the mean time (says the Master of House) You your Self devour the same things that they would have Eaten, Mice and All: But you would fain sham it upon me, that you do me a Service, when in Truth you do me an Injury; and therefore you deserve a double Death; First, For the Fault it self, and then for the Justification of it.

The MORAL of the Two FABLES above.

_’Tis according to the Course of those Kind Offices in the World, which we call Friendship, to do one another Good for our Own Sakes._

REFLEXION.

There’s nothing Commoner in this World then the Case of the Mole here and the Weazle: That is to say, the Case of the People that Value themselves mightily upon Merit; when in the mean time they do only their own Business. What Virtue is it for me to do another Man good by Chance; or where’s the Obligation of doing it for my own Profit? ’Tis the Will of a Man that qualifies the Action. A Body may do me Good, and yet Deserve to be Punish’d for’t. He may save my Life, for the purpose, with an Intention to take it away. There is however some Regard to be had to the very Instrument that Providence makes use of for our Advantage. But this is out of a Respect to the Providence, not to the Man: And we are not yet come up to the Force of the Fable neither; for many People have the Confidence to Plead Merit, when Effectually they do us Mischief.

FAB. CCCCXLII.

A _Woman_, _Cat_ and _Mice_.

A Good Woman that was willing to keep her Cheeses from the Mice, thought to mend the matter by getting her a Cat. Now _Puss_ Answer’d the Womans Intent and Expectation, in keeping the _Mice_ from Nibbling the Cheeses; but she her self at the same time devour’d the Mice, Cheese and all.

The MORAL.

_This has been our Case within the Memory of Man: There were a matter of Half a Dozen Little Roguy Political Mice lay Nibbling at our Liberties and Properties, and all Peoples Mouths Open’d for the Providing of some 500 Cats to Destroy them. The end on’t was this, they Kill’d the Vermine; but then they Gobbled up Priviledges and All: And was not the World well Amended?_

REFLEXION.

The Present State of Things is best, unless we may be very well Assur’d that the Danger of the Remedy is not Greater then that of the Disease: Nay, it so falls out many times, that a Thing may be Good for the Distemper, and yet Mortal to the Patient: Wherefore Men should never Trouble their Heads about Innovations for slight Matters, without a strict Calculation, upon the Profit or Loss of the Exchange. The Fancy of the _Cat_ and _Mice_, points very naturally at the Case of _Monarchy_ and _Episcopacy_ in the Days of King _Charles the First_. There were Grievances of all sorts Complain’d of, and Popular Disputes Rais’d about Prerogative and Arbitrary Power, in the Pretended Favour of Liberty and Property. Every thing was amiss they Cry’d, and nothing would serve the Turn but a General Reformation; and what was the Issue at last, but the _Cats_ that should have Kill’d the _Mice_, Eat up, as the Fable says, _Mice, Cheese and All_.

FAB. CCCCXLIII.

A _Man_ in _Tears_ for the Loss of his _Wife_.

Never had any Man such a Loss in a Woman certainly as I have had! Cries a Widdower in the Flush of his Extravagancies for a Dead Wife: Never so dear a Creature! Never so Miserable a Wretch! And so he runs Raving on, how he should abhor the Sex it Self now she is gone. As he was in the Transport of his Lamentations, and about half thorough the Farce, he started all on a sudden, and call’d out to the Woman about the Body, (who it seems, had gotten the best Piece of Linnen in the House for a Winding Sheet;) Pray, says he, will you take another Cloth for the Present, and let this be laid by for my next Wife, if it should be the Lords will to have me Bury another. This set the Company a Laughing, for all their Sorrow, to see the Good Man so soon brought to his Wits again.

The MORAL.

_Funeral Tears are but Matter of Form; and it is a Distinguishing Mark of Hypocrisie, to take upon us to be Kind as well as to be Righteous, beyond Measure. But Time and Nature will bolt out the Truth of Things, through all Disguises._

REFLEXION.

It is Morally Impossible for an Hypocrite to keep himself long upon his Guard; for the Force is Unnatural, and the least Slip or Surprise, either a Word, Look, or Action, lays him open through his Disguise. But to Sum up the Case in short: what with the Hazzards of Conjugal Disagreement, Ungracious Children; None at all; or the Loss of them; with a Hundred other Uneasy Circumstances incident to that Condition, Happy is the Couple that in a Marry’d State have the Good Fortune to make a Saving Game on’t.

FAB. CCCCXLIV.

A _Rich Man_ that would be no Richer.

There was a Huge Rich Man, that could neither Eat nor Sleep for fear of Losing his Mony: The whole Entertainment of his Life was Vision and Phantome; Thieves, Earthquakes, Inundation; nothing in short came amiss to him, that was Possible, Dangerous, and Terrible. In this Torment of a Restless Imagination, he call’d a Beggar to him, told him his Case; and now says he, I must send you presently of an Erand to _Fortune_. Go your ways to her immediately, (you’ll find her in _Japan_,) and desire her from me, that for the future she’ll never Trouble her self further upon any Accompt of mine; for I am absolutely resolv’d never to touch Penny of her Mony more. Be gone this very Moment and I’ll give you a Hundred Crowns for your Pains. Why truly Sir, says the Poor Fellow, ’tis a great way; but yet (after a little Humming and Hawing upon’t,) he agreed to undertake the Jobb. Do so then, says the Rich Chuff, and you shall have _Ninety_ Crowns down upon the Nail. The Poor Creature stuck a while upon the other Ten that he promis’d; but at last came to his Price, and for _Ninety_ he was to go. Well then, says the Miserable Churl, _A Bargain’s a Bargain_, and _Fourscore_ Crowns you shall certainly have. At this Rate he went Chaffering on, ’till by Bating Ten and Ten still upon every New Demand, the Man was e’en fain to Content himself with Ten Crowns at last for the whole Journey. And so away he Goes to _Fortune_; finds her out, and delivers his Errand: And says he, since that Rich Man will have no more, pray be so good as to give Me that am ready to Starve, what you would otherwise have given to a Man that does not want it. No, says _Fortune_, as for his Part, I am Resolv’d to Plague him with thrice as much more as he has already, in spite of his very Teeth; and then for your part, I’ll e’en keep ye in a Starving Condition as I found ye, to the last Minute of your Life, and make Good the Old Saying to ye; _That he that’s Born under a Three-Penny Planet, shall never be worth a Groat_. ’Tis true, y’ave gotten Ten Crowns in Hand, and you should never have had that neither, if I had not been Fast Asleep when they were Deliver’d ye.

The MORAL.

_Not One Man of a Thousand knows his own Mind. Some Men shall be Rich in spite of their Teeth. And then, All the Carking and Caring in the World, shall not keep another Man above Water._

REFLEXION.

The Covetous Man is _never well_ (as we say) _neither Full nor Fasting_: Avarice has a great deal in’t of the _Dog-Appetite_. It is Greedy, Ravenous and Insatiable; Raving Mad after what it has not, and Sick of what it has; for it Digests nothing, and the very Success of the Wickedness is the Plague on’t. Nay, and the Two Extremes of Want and Abundance are so near a-kin too, that the Misery of both these Opposite States, takes its Rise in a great Measure from the same Root. Only Men are Sollicitous in the One Case how to Get, that which they are as Sollicitous in the other Case how to Keep; and the pain of the Disappointment, whether in Missing or in Losing, is much the same. For what is the Difference betwixt having Nothing at all Originally, and after such or such an Acquisition, having Nothing at all Left? ’Tis but Nothing against Nothing both ways: And the Case has much in it of what we find in an Extreme Drought, or a Nauseous Surfeit. Men are ready to Choak for want of Drink, and when they have Over-charg’d themselves with more then Nature will bear, they are ready to Dye on that Hand too, till they have it up again. Now to carry on the Allusion, here’s a Covetous Man Deliberating betwixt the Qualms of a Wambling Stomach, and an Unsettled Mind. Here is he a Defying _Fortune_ and all her Works; he’ll have no more to do with her: he says, and so he Talks and Does on, at the Rate of Almost _Half a Christian_. But he does not yet know his own Mind it seems; for while he is Renouncing the World and the Devil on the One Hand, he strikes a League with them on the other, and in the same Breath Practises what he pretends to Disclaim, and Couzens the Labourer of his Hire. We are not therefore to value our Selves upon the Merit of Ejaculatory Repentances, that take us by Fits and Starts, and look liker Confessions upon the Torture, then Acts of Piety and Conscience. ’Tis not for a Desultory Thought, to attone for a Lewd Course of Life; nor for any thing but the Super-inducing of a Virtuous Habit upon a Vicious One, to qualifie an Effectual Conversion. We are to Distinguish betwixt this Miser’s being Weary of the Anxious Condition he was in, and his Repenting the Iniquity of his Oppression and Extortion: But _Fortune_ will have him Richer and Richer still, in spite of his Heart: That is to say, for his Greater Condemnation and Punishment. And the last Touch is to shew us, in the Churlishness of _Fortune_, what a Poor Honest Man has to Trust to in this World.

FAB. CCCCXLV.

An _Eagle_ sets up for a _Beauty_.

It was once put to the Question among the Birds, which of the whole Tribe or sort of ’em was the greatest Beauty. The Eagle gave her Voice for her self, and Carry’d it. Yes, says a Peacock in a soft Voice by the by, You are a great Beauty indeed; but it lyes in your Beak, and in your Talons, that make it Death to Dispute it.

The MORAL.

_The Veneration that is paid to Great and Powerful Men, is but_ from the Teeth outward, _not from the Heart; and more out of Fear then Love_.

REFLEXION.

This Beauty in the Fable, Extends in the Moral to all the Advantages in Human Nature that One Man can pretend to have over Another: Let it be Matter of Honour, Title, Justice, Good Faith, Conscience, _&c._ for _the Longer Sword can do no Wrong_; and rather then fail, the Laws of God and Man shall take up Arms against themselves in defence of the most Extravagant of Conquests. Religion is a kind of Two Edged-Sword in the Hands of a Man of Might, that Cuts both ways alike; and it is either Right or Wrong, or Wrong or Right, as Occasion serves. Take it by One Light, ’tis an Angel; by Another, ’tis a Devil: And so ’tis _Pro & Con_ at the same time. The whole World and the Business of it, is manag’d by Flattery and Paradox; the one sets up False Gods, and the other maintains them. Power in short, is Beauty, Wit, Courage, and all Good Things in One, where Slaves and Parasites are Judges.

FAB. CCCCXLVI.

An _Image_ Expos’d to Sale.

A Certain Carver, that had a _Mercury_ lay a great while upon his Hands, bethought himself at last of Billing it about in _Coffee-Houses_, that at such a place there was a God to be Sold, a Merry Penn’worth, and such a Deity as would make any Man Rich that Bought him. Well (says One) And why d’ye Sell him then? For he will make you Rich, if you Keep him, as well as he will make me Rich if I Buy him. You say very Right says t’other; but ’tis Ready Mony that I want, and the Purchaser will have only an Estate in Reversion.

The MORAL.

_Ready Mony goes as far in Religion as in Trade: People are willing to Keep what they Have, and to get what they Can, without Launching out into Lives, and Uncertainties. They are well enough Content to deal in the Sale of Reversions, but they do not much care for Buying them._

REFLEXION.

The Old Saying, _A Bird in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush_, holds with most People in Religious Matters, as well as in Civil. A Sum of Mony down upon the Nail, goes further with them, then Heaven it self in the Reversion. Where we are in the Dark, we are but too apt to be Doubtful, and to reckon upon it the common Acceptation of Flesh and Blood, as the Parting with a Certainty for an Uncertainty. Now the Moral of this Fable must be Understood to Tax the Vanity and Error of the Common Practice and Opinion of the World in this Matter. The Fiction methinks has somewhat in’t of the _French Libertines_ Conceit to a Severe Religious upon the Point of Mortification: Father (says he) What’s the Meaning of all these Austerities of Hard Living, Hair Shirts, Watchings, Fastings, and I know not what? Oh Brother (says the Holy Man) ’tis all for _Paradise_. Well (says the Licentious Droll again) but what if there should be no _Paradise_ at last, are not you finely brought to Bed then? The Mockery of this Fable is somewhat a-kin to the Freak of this Story, and by no means to be Allow’d of but in Reprehension of so Irreverend a Freedom.

FAB. CCCCXLVII.

_Demetrius_ and _Menander_.

When _Demetrius Phalaræus_ (a Tyrant and an Usurper,) took Possession of _Athens_, how was he Beset and Pursu’d with the _Huzza’s_ and _Acclamations_ of the People! Nay, and the Leading Men of the City too, with Joy in their Looks, and Gall in their Hearts, striving who should be Foremost in the Solemnity, to cry _Vive Demetrius_, and Kiss the Hand that Enslav’d them. After them follow’d the Men of Ease, Luxury and Pleasure, for fear of being thought Wanting in point of Affection and Respect. _Mænander_ the Famous Comical poet was one of the Number, but in so Loose a Garb and Dress, and with so Unmanly a kind of March and Motion, that _Demetrius_ had his Eye upon him presently, and call’d Aloud to know how such an Effeminate Sot durst presume to Appear in his Presence. Somebody gave the Tyrant immediately a Whisper, and told him, Sir, says he, This is the Poet _Mænander_ that you your self have been pleas’d to own so Great an Admiration and Esteem for. _Demetrius_ recollects himself, and changes his Humour in the very instant; calls _Mænander_ to him, and Treats him with all the Instances imaginable of a singular Liking and Respect.

The MORAL.

_This Fable sets forth the Slavish Humour and Practice of the World, upon all Violent Changes, let them be never so Impious and Unjust: And it shews us again, that no Tyrants Heart can be so Hard, but it may be Soften’d, and wrought upon by the Force of Wit and Good Letters._

REFLEXION.

’Tis no Wonder, where there’s Power on the One Side, to find Flattery and Slavery on the Other: Nor is there any Inference to be drawn from the Outward Pomp of Popular Addresses and Applause, to an Inward Congruity of Affections in the Heart: For Blessings and Cursings come out of the same Mouth. These Noisy Acclamations are rather made of Mode and Ceremony, then of Zeal and Good Will; and the _Huzza’s_ of the _Rabble_ are the same to a _Bear_ that they are to a _Prince_, and signifie no more to the One then they do to the Other. The Tyrants Reproof here of _Mænander_ for his _Meen_ and _Garb_, and his Recollection then, upon being better Inform’d, are First to the Honour of his Character, in being so Generous, as upon so solemn an Occasion, to own his Mistake: And Secondly, Instructive to us, that we are not to Judge of the Man by his Outside.

FAB. CCCCXLVIII.

A _Consultation_ about _Securing_ a _Town_.

There was a Council of Mechanicks call’d to Advise about the Fortifying of a City; a _Bricklayer_ was for Walling it with _Stone_; a _Carpenter_ was of Opinion, that _Timber_ would be worth Forty on’t: And after them, up starts a _Currier_. Gentlemen, says he, when y’ave said all that can be said, there’s nothing in the World like Leather.

The MORAL.

_Charity begins at Home, they say, and ’tis every Man’s Bus’ness in the First Place to look to his own Mother’s Child._

REFLEXION.

Here was a Debate set afoot, but the Board came to no Resolution, we see; and it could not be expected they should, where the Advisers were Every Man Interested for himself, and consequently both Parties and Judges. This is the Fate and the Issue of all Mix’d Councils, where the Members that are Intrusted with the Protection, the Care, and the Treasure of the Publick, lie under the Temptation of Voting Honourable Charges to themselves, and putting Mony in their own Pockets. These Men in some Cases are call’d Pensioners, in others Patriots; and in some again Committee-men, according to the Humour of the Age they Live in. Now where a Sharper is allow’d both to Shuffle and Cut, the Devil’s in him if he does not deal himself a Good Game. The Disposers of other People’s Fortunes seldom forget themselves; and all this is no more then the Common Liberty that every Cook has of Licking his own Fingers.

FAB. CCCCXLIX.

A _Hedge_ Destroy’d for Bearing no _Fruit_.

A Foolish Heir that was now come to the Possession of a Wise Man’s Estate, caus’d all the _Bushes_ and _Hedges_ about his Vineyard to be Grubb’d up, because they brought him no Grapes. The Throwing down of this Hedge, laid his Ground open to Man and Beast, and all his Plants were presently Destroy’d. My Simple Young Master came now to be convinc’d of his Folly, in taking away the Guard that Preserv’d his Vines, and in expecting Grapes from Brambles.

The MORAL.

_There needs as much Care and Industry to the Preserving of Things, as there does to the Acquiring of them, and the Centinel is as necessary to the Common Safety, as he that Fights the Battel._

REFLEXION.

This Parable of the _Hedge_ and the _Vineyard_, may be aptly enough expounded of the Laws that secure a Civil Community. So long as the Enclosure is kept up, and maintain’d, the Peace and the Order of the Publick is Provided for; but if it be suffer’d by Neglect, either to fall to Decay, or to be over-born by Violence, and all laid in Common, the Beasts of the Forest break into’t, and of a Vineyard it becomes a Wilderness. This Fable marks out to us also the double Folly of those, that First disappoint the Intent, Use and Benefit of Things, for want of Understanding the Reason of them; and Secondly, ground all this upon as gross a Mistake of ’em: For what’s his Quarrel to the _Hedge_, but that his _Thorns_ and his _Brambles_ did not bring forth _Raisins_, rather then _Haws_ and _Blackberries_?

FAB. CCCCL.

A _Bull_ and a _Gnat_.

A Gnat that had Planted himself upon the Horn of a Bull, very civilly begg’d the Bull’s Pardon for his Importunity; but rather then Incommode ye, says he, I’ll Remove. Oh, never Trouble your Head for that, says the Bull; for ’tis all One to me whether you go or stay. I never felt ye when you sat down, and I shall take as Little Notice of ye when you Rise.

The MORAL.

_The Vanity of this Fly, strikes at a Humour that we meet with every Day in the World, in a Hundred Trifling, Nonsensical People, that will be still making Themselves more Considerable then they are._

REFLEXION.

There are a Thousand Frivolous and Impertinent Pretensions of Civility that are struck at in this Fable; and they well deserve to be Corrected; for it is certainly one of the most Nauseous, Mawmish Mortifications under the Sun, for a Man of Sense and Bus’ness to have to do with a Punctual, Finical Fop, that’s too Mannerly, and does every thing forsooth by Rule and Compass: Especially where his Quality, Relation, or Authority, Entitles him to a Respect.

FAB. CCCCLI.

_Rats_ that Eat _Copper_.

A Merchant that had gotten a Friend of his to lay up a considerable Quantity of _Copper_ for him, comes afterward to have Occasion for’t, and so desires he may have his _Copper_ again. Alas, says his Friend, my House is so Pester’d with Rats, that they have gotten to your _Copper_, and Eat it all up. The First _Rats_ of that Diet, says the Merchant, that ever I heard of. O Good Sir, says the Man, ’tis a common thing with ’em here in this Island. So away goes the Merchant, and the next Morning comes his Friend to him, Wringing his Hands, and Exclaiming, Oh what should he do! The _Kidnappers_ had stoll’n away his only Child. Bless me, says the Master, this minds me of a Raven I saw Yesterday Steeple-high, just over your House with a Child in’s Foot: My Life for’t, that was your Child. No, no, says t’other, a Raven Fly away with a Child! that’s Impossible. Pardon me, says the Merchant, ’tis a common thing where _Rats_ Eat _Copper_, for _Ravens_ to Fly away with _Children_. The Man found himself Beaten at his own Play, and so Compounded with the Merchant to give him Satisfaction for his _Copper_, upon condition that he might have his _Child_ again; for he had smelt it out by this time that the _Merchant_ himself was the _Kidnapper_.

The MORAL.

_’Tis a Dexterous Turn of Address, to Baffle One Banter with Another; And the Nearer the Resemblance of the Humour, the Hit is so much the Better._

REFLEXION.