Chapter V: Usurers and Curryers., 392 (22)

One Nail must be driven out with Another. _Bantering_ is only an old way of _Fooling_, under a new Name; but the License of the Age has perhaps given it more Credit in the World, in this Nation and Conjuncture then ever it had. It is a Turn of Wit next to _Slight of Hand_; and the Play of _Jest or Earnest_ is as arrant a _Jugglers_ Trick, as little _Hocus’s Fast or Loose_. It is a stroke of Wit, Pleasant and Agreeable enough, if it be kept within the Bounds of Sobriety, Candor and Respect: But when it comes to Lash out once at a venture, into matters Holy as well as Prophane; when it comes once I say to be Intemperate, Ill-Natur’d, Sceptical, Scandalous and Bitter, ’tis a way of Conversation for a _Merry-Andrew_ or a _Buffon_, rather then for a Man of Honour, or of Common Sense. It is not one jot better then Boys Play, when they cry, _I made ’em Believe so_; and that’s the very Point at last that they drive at. _The Rats have Eat your Copper_, says the _Trustee_ here to the Merchant. What was there more in this, then to try whether the Merchant was a Fool or not, and so to Couzen him if he had found him one? Nay, and to make him a Fool upon Record too by his own Confession, both in one. Now if he had but put a Dammee to the Truth on’t, according to the Modish Humour of the Times, some Soft-headed, Conscientious Fop might have Swallow’d it perhaps; but the Merchant very Dextrously turn’d the Conceit upon him, and sav’d his Copper and his Credit both at once.

FAB. CCCCLII.

A _Woman Reviv’d_ with _Beating_.

There was an Untoward Perverse Piece of Womans Flesh that fell now and then under the Discipline of a little Family-Correction; and she had got a trick of throwing her self down upon her Back, holding her Breath, and there lying at her Length for Stone-Dead. Her Husband it seems had been wonted to these Gamboles, and so in a Grave Serious way, as she lay in a Fit once, calls for a Knife. Come, says he, When the Beast is Dead, we must e’en make the best of his Skin, and so he fell to work, and began to flay her at the Heel. The Woman did not like that way of Fooling, but started up, and came to her self immediately.

The MORAL.

_This in the Fable, is One of those Cases wherein People that are to be Believed in Nothing else, ought to be taken at their Words._ My Heart’s too Big to bear this, (_says a Blustering Fellow_,) By the Lord, I’ll Destroy my self. _Sir, says the Gentleman, here’s a Dagger at your Service; and so the Humour went off_.

REFLEXION.

Here’s Fooling against Fooling, and one Counterfeit Answer’d with another. The Woman would needs persuade the Good Man that she was Dead; and the Husband in Requital, gives her to understand, that she must be Flay’d then; which was the only way the Poor Man had of making the best of a Bad Game. ’Twas a Sham both ways, and so they Compounded the Quarrel upon’t; and the Good Woman never Dy’d after this, ’till she came to Dye for Good and all. There are some Peevish Cases that will bear no other way of Conviction.

FAB. CCCCLIII.

_Two Friends_ and _Fortune_.

There goes a Story of Two Familiar Friends that were often together, and had a great many Words upon the Subject of that which we call _Fortune_. They were both well enough to pass, but of very Differing Humours; the one a Man of Project and Bussle in the World, the other altogether for Ease and Quiet. The one had a Roving, Rambling Head; the other was a Man of Privacy and Reserve. The one in Fine, was for making his Court to _Fortune_; the other for _Lying by_, ’till _Fortune_ should make her Court to _Him_, (according to the Freak of the rest of the Sex.) Come, come, says the Ranger, we shall never make any thing on’t at this rate of Living; here’s neither Honour nor Mony to be got by staying where we are, and for my own part, I’m e’en for a Pilgrimage to the Temple of _Fortune_. Ay, but where’s that? says t’other. Why, says the Rambler, we must e’en beat it out the best we can. Pray’e, says his Companion, Advise well with your Pillow before you Embark in this Adventure. You are going you know not whither, to find out you know not what, or whom: A Phantome, that slips out of your Arms in the very Grasping at it, a common Prostitute to Fools and Footmen. You must be a Knave to be a Favourite, and abandon all the Substantial Comforts of Human Nature for a Jilt; and a Shadow; in one word, if you’ll needs be wandring, Pray’e, when we meet next, remember what I told ye; And in the mean time, I’ll e’en lye down in Peace, and keep my Self just as I am, and where I am; and if ever you live to come back again, do but look for me, and there, if I’m Alive, you shall be sure to Find me.

Upon these Terms they parted, and away Posts the Cavalier in Quest of his new Mistress. His First Jaunt is to Court, where he Enquires for Madam _Fortune’s_ Lodgings: But she shifted so often, they told him, that there was no certainty of Finding her. He never fail’d to make one at the Princes _Levee_ and _Couche_, where he heard over and over, how she had been at this Place and at that Place, but never could get sight of her. They told him indeed, that at such or such a Time, he might be sure of her at this _Minions_, or at that _Buffoons_ Apartment; but she was still so Busie, and so Private, that there was no coming to the Speech of her. In fine, when he had Hunted and waited like a Dog, Early and Late, I know not how long, one told him for a certain, that she had newly taken Wing, and was gone a Progress to a Temple she had in _Terra Australis Incognita_. Upon this, he takes his leave of the Court, and away immediately to Sea, where he meets with Pyrates, Rocks and Shelves, and in short, so many Dreadful Encounters, as made him cast many a heavy Look and Thought upon the Quiet Cottage and Companion that he had left behind him: But he goes pressing forward still for all this, ’till in the conclusion, he was Fobb’d again with another Story: That _Fortune_ ’tis true, had been there; but she was call’d away by an Express, not above Two Minutes before, to the _Nor’ward_. These Phantastical Amusements and Miscarriages brought him by little and little to his Wits again, and to a contempt of all the vain Promises and Pretences of Avarice and Ambition. With these thoughts about him, he makes all the hast he can back again, to his poor Blessed Home; where he finds his old Friend and Acquaintance, without any Cares in his head, Fast asleep; and that very _Fortune_ that had led him this _Wild-Goose Chase_ over the whole World, waiting like a Spaniel at the Door, and _Begging_ to be let in.

The MORAL.

_It is with Fortune as it is with other Fantastical Mistresses; she makes sport with those that are ready to Dye for her, and throws her self at the Feet of others that Despise her._

REFLEXION.

’Tis Great Virtue and Happiness for a Man to set his Heart wholly upon that Lot and Station which Providence has Assigned him, and to Content himself with what he has, without Wand’ring after Imaginary Satisfactions in what he has not. Fancy and Curiosity have no Bounds. Their _Motto_ may be [_SOMEWHAT ELSE_.] And how should it be otherwise with People that are never Pleas’d with the Present? They want they know not what, and they look for’t they know not where. We have had so many Occasions already to handle this Moral, that it would be Time lost to say any more upon’t in this Place.

FAB. CCCCLIV.

A _Boy_ that would not learn his _Book_.

There was a Stomachful Boy put to School, and the whole World could not bring him to Pronounce the First Letter in his Alphabet. Open your Mouth says the Master, and cry [_A_.] The Boy Gapes, without so much as offering at the Vowel. When the Master could do no good upon him, his School-Fellows took him to Task among Themselves. Why ’tis not so hard a thing methinks, says one of ’em, to cry [_A_:] No, says the Boy, ’tis not so hard neither; but if I should cry [_A_] once, they’d make me cry [_B_] too, and I’ll never do that, I’m Resolved.

The MORAL.

_There’s no Contending with Obstinacy and Ill-Nature; especially where there’s a Perverseness of Affection that goes along with it._

REFLEXION.

The _Spaniards_ will have it that _Apes_ can speak if they would, but they are afraid they shall be put to work then. The _Boys_ Reason here, and the _Apes_ are much at one; and ’tis the case of Counterfeit Cripples too, that pretend they cannot do this or that, when in truth, they are Lazy, and have no mind to be put to’t. The same Humour Governs in a World of Cases, where a Pretext of Disability is made use of, either out of Crossness or Sloth. This Restiff Stubbornness is never to be Excus’d, under any Pretence whatsoever; but where the thing to be done is that which we are bound in Honour and in Duty to do, there’s no Enduring of it. As in Cases of Law, Conscience, Church-Ceremonies, Civil or Natural Obedience to Princes, Parents, Husbands, Masters, &c. If I should do This, you’d make me do That, they cry; which is only a short Resolution that puts all the Functions and Offices of Order and Authority to a stand. He that says I cannot do this or that, where the Thing is Lawfully Impos’d and Requir’d, and not _Simply Evil_, might e’en as well have said, I _will_ not do’t; for the Exception is not to the _Thing Commanded_, but to the _Commanding Power_. If I yield in one Point, says the _Boy_, they’ll expect I should yield in more. Grant _One_ Prerogative, and grant _All_, says the _Republican_. But then says the Sovereign on the Other hand, Part with one Prerogative, and part with All: So that the Contest is not Matter of _Scruple_, but who shall be _Uppermost_. In One Word, _Stubborn Boys_ and _Stubborn Subjects_, where they will not Comply upon _Fair_ Means, must be _whipp’d_ into their _Duties_.

FAB. CCCCLV.

_Hercules_ and _Pluto_.

When _Hercules_ was taken up to Heaven for his Glorious Actions, he made his Reverence in Course to all the Gods, ’till he came to _Pluto_, upon whom he turn’d his Back with Indignation and Contempt. _Jupiter_ ask’d him, what he meant by that Disrespect? Why, says _Hercules_, that _Son of Fortune_ Corrupts the whole World with _Mony_, Encourages all manner of Wickedness, and is a common Enemy to all Good Men.

The MORAL.

_This is only to shew the Opposition betwixt a Narrow, Sordid, Avaritious Humour, and the Publick-Spirited Generosity of a Man of Honour, Industry, and Virtue._

REFLEXION.

Mony has its Use ’tis true; but generally speaking, the Benefit does not Countervail the Cares that go along with it, and the Hazzards of the Temptation to Abuse it: It is the Patron, and the Price of all Wickedness: It Blinds all Eyes, and Stops all Ears, from the Prince to the very Beggar. It Corrupts Faith and Justice; and in one Word, ’tis the very Pick-Lock, that opens the way into all Cabinets and Councils. It Debauches Children against their Parents; it makes Subjects Rebel against their Governors; it turns Lawyers and Divines into Advocates for Sacrilege and Sedition; and it Transports the very Professors of the Gospel into a Spirit of Contradiction and Defiance, to the Practices and Precepts of our Lord and Master. It is no Wonder now, that _Hercules_ should so Contemptuously turn his Back upon _Pluto_, or the God of Mony; when the One’s Bus’ness is to Propagate and Encourage those Monsters, which the other came into the World to Quell and to Subdue.

FAB. CCCCLVI.

A _Lion_, _Boar_, and _Vultures_.

There happen’d a Desperate Quarrel betwixt a _Lion_ and a _Boar_; they Fought upon’t, and the _Vultures_ came hovering over the Combatants to make a Prey of him that should be left upon the Spot: But it so fell out, that there was no Death in the Case, and the _Vultures_ were not a little troubled at the Disappointment.

The MORAL.

_When Fools fall out, it shall go Hard but Knaves will be the better for’t._

REFLEXION.

There are several sorts of Men in the World that live upon the Sins and the Misfortunes of other People. This Fable may be Moraliz’d in almost all the Controversies of Human Life whether Publick or Private. _Plaintiff_ and _Defendant_ find Bus’ness for the _Lawyers_: Questions of _Religion_ for the _Divines_: Disputes about _Privileges_ and _Liberties_, Cut out Work for the _Soldiers_. A _General Peace_ in fine, would be a _General Disappointment_; for the wrangling of some, is the Livelihood of others; and wherever there are like to be _Carkasses_, there will never fail to be _Vultures_.

FAB. CCCCLVII.

A _Man_ that would never Hear _Ill News_.

One came to a Country Grazier, and asked him if he should tell him a piece of News. Is’t Good or Bad? (says he.) Nay, says t’other, ’tis not very Good. Pray, says the Grazier, keep it to your self then; and so he went his way. The Grazier was telling the next day, that the Wolves had kill’d one of his Bullocks: That’s like enough, says the same Man; for I saw him wand’ring from the Herd, and I was afraid on’t. I would you had told me this in time, says the Grazier. Why I came I know not how far yesterday a-purpose to tell you the Story, and you would not hear on’t.

The MORAL.

_The Man is too Delicate to be Happy, that makes it in his Bargain not to hear any Thing that may give him a Present Trouble._

REFLEXION.

This way of Consulting a Bodies Ease, makes a Man Accessory to his own Ruin. There’s an Attempt design’d for the Purpose, upon the Person of a Man; and he shuts his Ears against any Intelligence, or Notice of it, till the Dagger is at his Heart. He that will not hear the Worst of things Betimes, must expect afterward to feel the Effect of the Bad News that he would not Hear. First, he loses the Means of Preventing Mischiefs, by not suffering himself to be Inform’d whereabouts the Danger lies. Secondly, He lives in a continual Dread of all Accidents that may befall him in general, though of Nothing in particular, and leaves himself no Place for the Exercise of Prudence and Precaution. This sort of People Jog on in the World, (for I cannot call it Living) without any Thought for to Morrow. Talk to them of Poverty, Persecutions, Torments, Slavery, Sickness, nay, Death it self at a Distance, they’ll put it off to the last Moment, and venture the Surprisal, when it comes indeed, rather then abide but so much as the Hearing on’t Before-hand.

FAB. CCCCLVIII.

A _Miser_ and _Rotten Apples_.

There was a Stingy Narrow-hearted Fellow, that had a great deal of Choice Fruit in his Ground, but had not the Heart to touch any of it till it began to be Rotten. This Man’s Son would every foot and anon be taking some of his Companions into the Orchard with him. Look ye says he, That’s an Excellent Apple, and here’s a Delicate sort of Plum. Gather and Eat what you will of these, provided you don’t Meddle with any of the Rotten Ones: For my Father (you must know) keeps them for his own Eating.

The MORAL.

_This is to set forth the Wicked and the Scandalous Wretchedness of Avarice, that rather then make use of the Bounties of Providence in their Season, suffers them to lye by and Perish._

REFLEXION.

How Miserable are those Cormudgeons that spend their Lives in Carking and Pinching themselves for things they have not the Heart to make use of! And in this Humour of Griping (which they call Saving) fall foul upon the very Extreme of Profusion another way. They either Lose or Spoil every thing by Keeping it, till ’tis fit only to be thrown away; and that’s their way of Spending it. Their Money lies as close in their Coffers, as ever it did in the Mine whence it was drawn. They’ll rather venture the whole Stock, then be at one Penny Charge for the Saving of the Rest. They pervert the very Intent, as well as they destroy the Bounties of Providence: Nay, they Envy the common Enjoyment of those Blessings that were intended for the Relief, Comfort, and Satisfaction of Mankind.

FAB. CCCCLIX.

The _Devil_ Refus’d to _Marry_.

A Certain Devil had the hap to live for some time in a State of Wedlock, with a Spiteful, Vexatious Gipsy, that in Truth was too hard for him. She Dy’d at last of the Pip, and the Breath was no sooner out of her Body, but he fell to Blessing the Stars for his Deliverance; and so bound himself by a Desperate Vow, that he would never Marry again. It fell out some time after, that a Poor Man was Possess’d with this very Devil, and that when an _Exorcist_ had try’d all the ways of Charm, Prayer and Menace, to Remove him, and found him Proof against all manner of _Exorcisms_, he Bawl’d it out, once for all, _Either come forth, or Marry_. The Devil immediately cry’d out for Mercy, _I go Father_, says he; _Any Hell but that of a Second Wife_.

The MORAL.

_Take this Droll by the Right Handle, and it gives to understand, that some Women may as well fright the Devil out of a Man, as others Conjure him up into one._

REFLEXION.

This Fable is only a High-Flown _Hyperbole_ upon the Miseries of Marriage under the Judgment of a Wayward, a Jealous and a Brawling Wife: And the Moral of it is Directed to all the Poor Husbands, that are Condemn’d to that Purgatory.

FAB. CCCCLX.

A _Country-man_ and _Jupiter_.

A Poor Plain Fellow was so Dazled and Transported with the Pomp, the Splendor, the Plenty, State and Luxury that Great Men live in, that it was the First Petition of his Daily Litany to _Jupiter_, to make him a _Lord_. _Jupiter_ found he could not be Quiet for him, and bad _Mercury_ carry him Two Curious Baskets with Honour and Money in them. They were both cover’d, the one with Purple, the other with Gold, and _Mercury_ was Order’d to let the Man Open and Examin them as strictly as he pleas’d, but to bid him have a care not to meddle with them Rashly, for fear of the worst. The Countryman was so Charm’d with the Present at First Sight, that he took it away with him by _Content_, without asking any Questions. But when he came afterward to consider at leisure the Cares, Anxieties, Fears, Doubts, and all manner of Troubles and Diseases that were inseparably to go along with his Bags and Dignities; he found himself much more Uneasie now then he was before; and that he had Sacrificed the Peace of his very Soul, to the Vanity of his Eye and Appetite.

The MORAL.

_’Tis not for a Wise Man to set his Heart upon Gay and Glittering Appearances. The Devil himself Baits all his Hooks with Pomp, Lusts and Pleasures: and the very Glory of the Outside, makes the Contents the more suspicious for’t._

REFLEXION.

A Man may bear the want of Honours and Riches, before he has ’em, much better then the Loss of them when he has obtain’d them. And they are in short the Plagues of an Inconsiderate Life. He that wishes them for the Common Good, and applies them when he has them, to that Generous End, makes a Right Use of the Divine Providence and Bounty: But he that seeks them for his own sake, and Converts them wholly to his own Profit, Defrauds the Publick. As if a Man should apply an Estate that was made over to him in Trust, to the wrong Uses.

FAB. CCCCLXI.

A _Bee_ that went over to the _Drones_.

To what End (says a _Bee_) should I Toil and Moil my self out of my Life for a Poor Subsistence, when the _Drones_ that do nothing at all, Live in as much Plenty every jot as I do? Upon this Thought, the _Bee_ Resolv’d after their Example to work no longer. The Master it seems call’d her to Account for’t; the _Bee_ took Pet upon’t, and without any more to do, went over to the _Drones Party_, where she pass’d the Summer easily enough, and to her Satisfaction. But upon the Winter’s coming on, when the _Drones_ were all Dispers’d into their several Holes, the _Bee would_ fain have gone Home again; but the Cells of the Combs were all Clos’d, so that there was no Entrance, and the Poor _Bee_ Starv’d to Death betwixt Cold and Hunger.

The MORAL.

_It is all the Reason in the World, that every Man in what Station soever, should Work in some sort or other for his Living. Nature her self is always at Work; and a Prince has no more Prerogative to be Idle, then a Beggar._

REFLEXION.

Action is a Reasonable Duty, how variously soever it may be Exercised, whether in the Functions of Power, or in the Offices of Subjection. A Reasonable Soul can no more stand still, then the Sun can stop its course. This Fable branches out into several Morals: First, it serves for a Reproof of Sloth. Secondly, In the _Bees_ being Corrupted by the Practice of the _Drones_, it shews us the Danger and the Force of Ill Example; especially where there’s Ease and Sensuality to strengthen the Temptation, which must needs be wonderfully Powerful, where the _Emblem_ of _Industry_ on the one hand, comes to be wrought upon by the very _Emblem_ of _Laziness_ on the other. Thirdly, it leads us to a Consideration of the End of an Unactive and an Unprofitable Life. The Bees Summer-Friends Forsake her; those of her own Family shut the Doors against her; and so she’s Abandon’d to the wide World, as an Object of Detestation and Scorn.

FAB. CCCCLXII.

A _Crow_ and a _Raven_.

The Ancients tell us that the _Crow_ was once _Minerva_’s Favourite, and the _Raven_ _Apollo_’s; but the One of them was found to be so full of Tongue, so Over-Officious and Inquisitive; and the Other so Desperately given to Croking and Fore-boding upon Evil Things to come, that they fell both into Disgrace for’t.

The MORAL.

_Great Talkers, Medlers, and Busie-Bodies, are the very Pest of Human Society._

REFLEXION.

There is no Peace to be expected, either in a Government, or in a Family where Tale-bearers, and the Spreaders of Ill and of False News, are Encourag’d. Now the Curiosity of Heark’ning after Privacies that do not concern us, and of Prying into forbidden Secrets, does not arise so much from a Desire of knowing the Truth of Things simply for our own Satisfaction, as from an Itch of Screwing our Selves into other Peoples Matters, that we may be Prating of them again. And then the Tale is very seldom or never without Calumny and Detraction at the End on’t.

FAB. CCCCLXIII.

The _Bitches Bed-maker_.

You must needs make this Bitches Bed immediately, says the Master of the House to his Maid, for she’s just ready to lie down. It was not done it seems, and the Man was very Angry with the Wench for not doing as she was bid. Alas, says the Poor Girl, I’de have made her Bed with all my Heart, if I could but have told which way she’d lie with her Head, and which with her Backside.

The MORAL.

_There’s no Pleasing those that cannot Please themselves._

REFLEXION.

A Steady Mind will admit Steady Methods and Counsels; but there’s no Measure to be taken of a Changeable Humour. Tell me where I may find ye, and I shall know where to fit ye: But otherwise, ’tis with us in the Levity of our Manners, and of our Humours, as it was with _Clark_, the Famous Posture-Master, and his Taylor. When the Workman took Measure of him, he was Crump-Shoulder’d, and the Right Side Higher then the Left; when he brought home his Suit, the Left was Higher then the Right; The Fellow was Mad at himself, and made him another Suit; and that would not do neither, for his Body was then as Straight as an Arrow.

FAB. CCCCLXIV.

A _Trusty Dog_ and his _Master_.

The Master of a Family that had, as he thought, a very good Condition’d Dog, coming home from his Bus’ness once, found a Cradle Over-turn’d; the Dog’s Mouth all Bloody, and his only Child Missing. He draws his Sword immediately and Kills the Dog, upon a Presumption that he had Worryed the Child, without any regard to his Try’d Fidelity, and without Allowing himself One Moment of Time for a Second Thought. Upon a further Enquiry, he found the Truth of the Matter to be this: The Child being left alone in the Cradle, there was a Serpent Winding it self up the side on’t, to Destroy the Child. The Dog leaps upon the Serpent, and Tears it to Pieces; but in the Scuffle, the Cradle happen’d to be Over-turn’d: Upon the Taking up of the Cradle, the Master found the Child Alive under it, and the Serpent Dead, which, upon Reflexion, Convinc’d him of the Miserable Temerity of his Mistake.

The MORAL.

_The Repentance of a whole Life, is not sufficient to Atone for the Miscarriage of One Rash Action._

REFLEXION.

Anger without Consideration, is little better then a downright Madness; it makes us take Benefits for Injuries, it Confounds Truth and Falshood; and we have but too many Instances of Outrages committed on the Persons of the best of our Friends, upon a False Persuasion of their being our Mortal Enemies. Charity bids us Hope and Believe the Best of Things: Prudence bids us examine the Truth of Things: Religion and Common Equity Preach to us upon the Text of _Do as you would be done by_. So that it is Uncharitable, Unreasonable, Unchristian, and Inhuman, to pass a Peremptory Sentence of Condemnation upon a Try’d Friend, where there’s any Room left for a more Favourable Judgment.

FAB. CCCCLXV.

A _Fool_ and a _Sieve_.

An Innocent found a Sieve, and presently fell to Stopping the Holes, which he call’d Mending it. When he had been Puzzling a good while about it, he threw’t away in a Rage: I shall never make any thing on’t, says he, for I don’t know which I am to Stop, and which to leave Open.

The MORAL.

_It fares with the Pragmatical sort of State-Menders, much as it did with this Sieve-Mender: They do not like things as they are, neither do they understand how they should be. But they are for Change however at a Venture; and when they have once put Matters out of Order, there’s no setting them to Rights again._

REFLEXION.

There are none so Forward as Fools to Mend Things that are Well already; though they find upon Experiment that they Make and they Leave every Thing worse then they found it. They are at first for Stopping of Holes, and when that won’t do, they are for Making of ’em again. We have abundance of Fools in the Moral to answer this Fool in the Fable; that is to say, People that take upon them to Correct what they do not Understand; and that when they have Embroil’d the Publick, leave the Main Chance to Fortune, to Shuffle the Cards anew, and Play the Game over again. This is the Fate on’t, when Pedants will be medling with Politicks, and Botchers setting up for the Reformers of Providence.

FAB. CCCCLXVI.

A _Fig-Tree_ and a _Thorn_.

A _Fig-Tree_ and a _Thorn_ were valuing themselves once upon the Advantage that the One had over the Other. Well, says the _Thorn_, What would you give for such _Flowers_ as these? Very Good, says the _Fig-Tree_, and what would you give for such _Fruit_ as This? Why, says the other, ’twould be against _Nature_ for a _Thorn_ to bring forth _Figs_. Well (says t’other again,) and ’twould be against _Nature_ too, for a _Fig-Tree_ to bring forth _Flowers_: Beside that, I have _Fruit_ you see, that is much Better.

The MORAL.

_Every Creature has a Share in the Common Blessings of Providence; and it is a Virtue as well as a Duty for every Creature to rest well satisfied with its Proportion in those Comforts; but when we come once to Boast of our selves, and to Derogate from others, ’tis no longer a Virtue but a Vanity; and especially when we Mistake the Value of things, and prefer the Advantages of Beauty, before those of Use and Service._

REFLEXION.

’Tis not Every Man that can distinguish betwixt the Excellencies of Beauty and of Virtue: And how in Truth should they Distinguish, when Every Man that has Eyes in his head, sees the One, and not One Man of Forty Understands the Other? Nay, the very Ostentation of the Thorn, is a Weakness, and I might have said a Vice too; for the Vanity Unhallows the very Virtue, especially where it is Accompany’d with Detraction.

FAB. CCCCLXVII.

A _Wolf_ and a _Fox_.

A _Wolf_ had the Fortune to pass by, as the Thief-Leaders were Dragging a Proper Goodly Fox to the Place of Execution. The _Wolf_ took such a kindness for him, that he Resolved to Employ his Interest with the Lion to save his Life; but by the way, says he, what’s the Malefactor’s Crime? So the Officers told him, that he had not only Robb’d several Hen-Roosts, but had the Impudence to Steal a Fat Goose, that was Reserv’d for his Majesties own Table. Say ye so? says the _Wolf_, why then _the Case is Alter’d_, quoth _Plouden_; and so he left him to take his Fortune.

The MORAL.

_Interest is the very Test and Standard of Good and Evil. If I may gain by doing a Thing, ’tis Honest; if it be against my Profit, ’tis consequently against my Conscience. This is the_ Pro & Con _of Common Practice; and ’tis but Casting some Grains of Allowance into the Scale, to Palliate the Foulest Iniquity_.

REFLEXION.

This Fable hits the Humour of the World to a Hair, and it holds from him that sits upon the Throne, to the poor Devil that has scarce a Tatter to his Breech. Men are easie to Pardon Offences committed against other People; but when they come to be Touch’d Once in their Own Copy-Hold, the _Lion’s Fat-Goose_ weighs down all the _Cocks_ and _Hens_ in the Country: And in that Case the _Wolf_ leaves his Brother _Fox_ at the Gallows. The Rogue has Stoll’n a _Prerogative-Goose_, says he, and the King will never Pardon him. This is according to Practice, how contrary soever to the true Measures of Generosity, Honour and Justice. _That’s the veriest Villain in Nature_, cries one, _for I’ll tell ye how he Us’d Me. As Worthy a Man_, says another, _as ever trod upon a Shoe of Leather; for really I have been much Beholden to him_. In short, there is such an Affinity betwixt our Prudentials and our Appetites, that they are like two _Unison Strings_, if you Touch the One, the Other Moves by Consent. There was a certain _Filacer_ (an Officer of the Common Pleas,) that in _Oliver_’s Days was mightily concern’d upon the Subject of the Government, and Dilating in a kind of Rhetorical _Climax_ upon the Iniquity of the Times: Well (says he,) here’s the Best Church upon the Face of the Earth Destroy’d; the Nobility and Gentry trampled under Foot, and begger’d; the Commonalty Enslaved; the Laws Overturn’d; the Constitution of Parliaments Dissolv’d; a most Pious, Gracious King Murder’d; And now to _Consumate the Villany_, they say they are putting down the _Filacers_. When it comes once to the _Filacers_, it Touches to the Quick.

FAB. CCCCLXVIII.

A _Rich Man_ and a _Poor_.

As a Poor Fellow was Beating the Hoof upon the High-way, and Trudging on Merrily in a Bitter Cold Morning, with never a Rag to his Tayl: A Spark that was Warm Clad, and Well Mounted, (but his Teeth Chattering in his Head yet,) call’d to this _Tatter-de-Mallion_, and ask’d him how he was able to endure this Terrible Weather? Why, says t’other, how does your _Face_ endure it? My _Face_ is us’d to’t, says the Cavalier. And so is my Body, says the other; so that I am all Face. And then (says the Poor Cur) there’s another thing yet besides; I have all the Cloaths I have in the World upon my Back, and that’s enough to keep me Warm: Do but you put on all yours too, and you shall be Warm as well as I.

The MORAL.

_By Custom, Practice and Patience, all Difficulties and Hardships, whether of Body or of Fortune, are made Easie to us. Mankind is all of a Make, and if we shrink in the Wetting, as we say, or in any Trial of Distress or Persecution, ’tis our own Fault; for we are Consulting our Skins, and our Affections, when we should rather be attending to the Motions of our Reason, which would give us better Counsel._

REFLEXION.

If Men would but Inure themselves to do those things by Choice, which ’tis Forty to One they shall be some time or other forc’d to do by Necessity, it would exceedingly Advance the Peace and Comfort of Human Life; for all those Miseries are only Visionary and Fantastical, so far as we Govern our selves by Opinion rather then by Reason. Our Bodies are not Naturally more Tender then our Faces; but by being less Expos’d to the Air, they become less able to endure it. Exercise makes things Easie to us, that would be otherwise very Hard; as in Labour, Watchings, Heats and Colds: And then there is something _Analogous_ in the Exercise of the Mind, to that of the Body. ’Tis Folly and Infirmity that makes us Delicate and Froward. We are taught likewise in the Differing Tempers and Conditions of the _Rich Man_ and the _Poor_ here, that a Man may be Happy with a Little, and Miserable in Abundance.

FAB. CCCCLXIX.

A _Wolf_ and a _Hog_.

A _Wolf_ that had liv’d many Years upon the Spoil, came at last to be Troubled in Conscience for the Spilling of so much Innocent Blood, and so took up a Christian Resolution to keep a long Lent for’t; and not to Eat One Bit of Flesh for a Whole Twelve-Month: But Fasting it seems did not agree with his Constitution, for upon the sight of a _Hog_ Wallowing in a Muddy Puddle, he ran presently to him, and ask’d him what he was? Why, says the _Hog_, I belong to a Neighbour here in the Village, and the Ancient _Romans_ call me _Porcus_. In Good Time, says the _Wolf_; for I have read in _Littleton’s Dictionary_, that _Porcus is a Fish, that being Taken, Grunteth like a Hog_; and so he made a Supper of the _Hog_, without breaking his _Fast_, and without any Offence to his Vow of _Mortification_.

The MORAL.

_In a long Practice of Wickedness, now and then a Faint Vow or Promise of Amendment, goes for Nothing: And if a Body should have a Mind to break a Commandment under such an Obligation, it will be hard if he cannot bring himself off with some_ Salvo, _and be his own Confessor_.

REFLEXION.

Men that are Habitually Wicked, may now and then by Fits and Starts feel certain Motions of Reflexion that look toward Repentance; but those Dispositions are commonly short Liv’d, and the same Meat shall be Fish or Flesh as it may best serve their Turn. We find this Fable Moraliz’d in our Daily Practice, not only among our _False Converts_, upon the Matter of Truth, Steadiness and Justice, but among _Politicians_, _Lawyers_, and _Divines_, that shall make the most Establish’d Principles of Law, Prudence and Religion, _Felons of themselves_, and by the help of a little _Sham_ and _Paradox_, _Blow Hot and Cold_, with the _Man_ and the _Satyr_, out of the same Mouth. This _Wolf_ now was somewhat of the Mans Humour that was Charg’d by his _Confessarius_, for Eating Flesh in Lent: Father, says he, I have as Catholick a Faith as any Man in Christendom; but a most Confounded Heretical Stomach. So the Wolves Heart was Right all this while, and by turning _Hog_ into _Porcus_, he kept his Fast in _Latin_ still, though he broke it in _English_.

FAB. CCCCLXX.

A _Farmer_ and his _Servant_.

A Country Farmer miss’d an Ox out of his Grounds, and sent his Man abroad one Day to look after him. The Simpleton went Hunting up and down, till at last he found him in a Wood; but upon Three Birds coming cross him, away goes he Scampering after them. He stay’d so long upon the Errand, that his Master Wonder’d what was become of him; and so Abroad he goes to look for his Man; and there was he in a Field hard by, running as hard as he could drive, and Staring up into the Air. Well, says the Master, what News? Why Master, says the Tony, I have found them. Ay, but says the Farmer again, Where are they? And what have ye found? Why look ye there they are, says the Fellow; I have found Three Birds here, and I’m trying if I can Catch ’em.

The MORAL.

_We have this Fool Moraliz’d abundantly to us in Common Practice. We leave the main End and Business of Life Unregarded, to run after Butterflies._

REFLEXION.

A Man cannot look into himself without an Application of this Fable to his own Soul and Conscience. He was much in the Right, that call’d _Old Men_ only Great Blockheaded Boys with Beards, that Entertain themselves with _Bigger Play-things_. There’s an _Ox_ lost, and this Coxcomb runs a Gadding after _Wild-Fowl_. Is it not our very Case now, that when our Souls, Good Names, Bodies, and Fortunes are at Stake, we must be running out at Check, after every Crow, Buzzard, or Jack-daw that comes in the way, and leave the main Chance at last at Six and Seven? Nay, and here’s this more in’t too, that the Quarry would not be worth the taking up neither, if we could Catch it? beside, that it flies away still before us, and is never to be Overtaken.

FAB. CCCCLXXI.

A _Satyr_ and _Fire_.

The Poets tell us, that _Prometheus_ stole some of _Jupiter_’s _Fire_, and brought it down to us from Heaven, and that was our Original of it. A _Satyr_ was so Transported with the Glory and the Splendor of this Spirit, that down on his knees he falls, and would needs Kiss and Embrace it. Have a care of your Beard, says _Prometheus_; nay, and of your Chin too; for ’twill both Singe and Burn ye. And why, says the _Satyr_, would you bring down so Glorious a Temptation then to Plague the World withal? Why, says _Prometheus_, there were no Living without it; only the Mischief lies in the Abuse. It Burns, ’tis true, but then consider the Heat and the Light that comes along with it, and you shall find it serves us to all manner of Profitable, Delightful and Necessary Purposes, provided only that we make a Right Use on’t.

The MORAL.

_There’s not One Grain in the whole Composition of the Universe, either too Much, or too Little; Nothing to be Added, Nothing to be Spar’d; nor so much as any One Particle of it that Mankind may not be either the Better or the Worse for, according as ’tis Apply’d. The most Sovereign Antidotes have Poison in them; the most necessary Means of Life may be Corrupted or Perverted, and render’d the most Destructive to us; As an Infected Air, for the Purpose, a Raging Sea, or a Consuming Fire: But let this Air continue as God made it; the Waters be kept within their Bounds, and the Fire from breaking out into Conflagrations, and there’s no Living without them under this Regulation._

REFLEXION.

The Best things in the World may be Misapplied; and the greatest Blessings Abus’d, may become the Occasion to us of the most Judicial Maledictions. What’s more necessary for the common Comfort and Benefit of Mankind, then Understanding and Power; and nothing certainly is more Pernicious then those Illustrious Qualifications Perverted. We are not to Quarrel with the Heavens for Pestilential Influences, or Unkindly Seasons; nor with the Earth for Poysonous Minerals and Exhalations; nor with the Water for Inundations, and Shipwrecks; nor with the Fire for Conflagrations. We must not take upon us to Dispute or to Correct the Wisdom of Providence, but sit down Contented and Thankful, and with this Reflexion upon the whole, that we are Indebted to the Divine Bounty for all the Good we Enjoy; and that for the Evil we Suffer, we may thank our Selves.

FAB. CCCCLXXII.

A _Generous Lion_.

As a _Lion_ was Bestriding an _Ox_ that he had newly Pluck’d down, a Robber passing by, Cry’d out to him, _Half-Shares_. You should go your Snip, says the Lion, if you were not so forward to be your own Carver. The Thief had but just turn’d his Back, when up comes an Innocent Traveller, that so soon as ever he saw the _Lion_, was going off again. The _Lion_ bad him fear Nothing, but take part of the Prey with him in Reward of his Modesty: Whereupon the Lion went immediately into the Woods to make Way for the Traveller.

The MORAL.

_If Great Men in the World would but follow the Example of the Lion in this Fable, Sharpers should not Ride in Triumph any longer, while Honest Men go out at the Elbows._

REFLEXION.

This is an Instance of a Great and a Laudable Example; but People are forwarder to Commend such Precedents, then to Imitate them: for the Bold and Rich Thrive in the World, when the Poor and the Bashful go a Begging: But Virtue is never the less Venerable for being out of Fashion.

FAB. CCCCLXXIII.

A _Brother_ and a _Sister_.

There was a _Brother_ and a _Sister_ that happen’d to look in a Glass both together: The _Brother_ a very Lovely Youth, and the _Sister_ as hard-favour’d as a Girl could well be. Look ye, (says the Boy) and have not I a very Good Face now? This the Lass took for a Reproche, as if hers were not so too. What does this Envious Tit, but away to her Father with a Tale of her Brother, how Effeminately he Behav’d himself, and that a Petticoat would become him better then a Sword. The Good Man Kiss’d them both, and Reconciled the Controversie. My Dear Children, says he, I lay my Command upon ye Both to look often in a Glass; You Son, to keep a Guard upon your Self, not to Dishonour the Advantages that Nature has given ye, with Ill Manners: And you Daughter, (says he) to Mind you of Supplying the Defects of an External and a Transitory Beauty, with the more substantial Ornaments of Piety and Virtue.

The MORAL.

_There is not any Accident or Adventure in Nature, that does not yield Matter and Occasion for Good Counsell: And the Excellency of that necessary Office lies in the Address of Managing it Pertinently, and without Reproche._

REFLEXION.

The Vanity of the Youth here in the Fable, is doubly to Blame; First, he Values himself upon a Trivial and an Uncertain Advantage. Secondly, ’Tis below the Dignity of the Sex, for a Man to Glory in, and to Usurp upon the proper Ornaments and Privileges of a Woman. The Sister’s Envy may be better Reprov’d then Reform’d; for to say that a Woman is not Handsome, is a Sin never to be Forgiven. The Father does excellently well Discharge the Part of a Wise Man, and of a Tender Parent both in One. And the Moral of his Part Resolves finally into this, That Virtue attones for Bodily Defects, and that Beauty is nothing worth, without a Mind Answerable to the Person.

FAB. CCCCLXXIV.

The _Bees_ and the _Drones_.

There was a Controversie betwixt the _Bees_ and the _Drones_ about some _Hony-Combs_ that were found in a Hollow Oak. They both laid Claim to ’em, and a _Wasp_ was to be _Judge_, as one that well understood the Matter. Upon the Tryal of the Cause, they seem’d both to stand fair for’t, as being of the same Size, Make and Colour. Now, says the Wasp, I am upon my Oath, and therefore let me see them work their Combs, and fill ’em here before me in the Court, and I shall be then the Better able to Understand the Merits of the Cause. The _Drones_ would not Agree to’t, and so the Verdict went for the _Bees_.

The MORAL.

_Pretences go a great way in the World with Men that will take Fair words and Magisterial Looks for Current Payment: But the short and the certain way of bringing the Cause to a Fair Issue, is to put the Pretenders to the Test of Doing what they say._

REFLEXION.

All People that set up for a Reputation in the world upon the Credit of other Mens Labours, fall under the Reproof of this Fable; and the Judges in those Cases are not always so Tender, Circumspect and Conscientious as the Wasp was in this; for they let False and Frivolous Pretenders run away many times, not only with the Character, but with the Reward, both of Honester and Soberer Mens Virtues. There’s no Proof like Matter of _Fact_, and putting the Drones to the Test of making _Wax_ and _Hony_.

FAB. CCCCLXXV.

A _Fox_ and a _Dragon_.

As a _Fox_ was Earthing Himself, he Digg’d so Deep, ’till at last he came to a _Dragon_’s _Den_, where he found a Prodigious Mass of Hidden Treasure. He made his Excuse for his Intrusion, and begg’d the Dragon’s leave but to Ask him One Question. Pray (says he) where’s the Pleasure or the Profit of Spending all your Days in a Hole thus, without either Light or Sleep? Why, ’tis my _Fate_, says the _Dragon_, and there’s no more to be said. Here’s a Monstrous Hord, says the _Fox_, and I cannot find that you either Give or Use One Penny out of all this Store. ’Tis a Misery, says the other, that I am Doom’d to, and there’s no Avoiding it. Why then, says the _Fox_, He that’s Born under Your Stars is certainly the most Wretched of Creatures.

The MORAL.

_We are apt to do Amiss, and to Persevere in so Doing, and then to lay the Blame upon our Stars, or our Fortune as we call it, which in truth, is neither Better nor worse then making Heaven the Author of Evil. The very sooth of it is, that an Ill Habit has the Force of that which we call an Ill Fate; and we Tye up our Selves, where Providence has left us at Liberty._

REFLEXION.

Your Covetous Churl is Undoubtedly the most Miserable of Beggars; the more he _Has_, the more he _Wants_; Beside that, he wants what he _Has_ too; for ’tis lost to all Intents and Purposes, when neither he Himself, nor any Body else is the Better for’t. He Pines and Watches himself to Death, for fear of losing that which he only Fancies that he has; or which is the same thing, that which he has not the Heart to Use. All this, says the _Dragon_, I suffer, because I’m Doom’d to’t, which tells us most _Emphatically_, that an Anxiety of Mind is a Just Judgment upon a Man for Delivering himself up to so Sordid an Appetite. We must not understand the _Dragon_ here to be Condemn’d to this Misery by the Fatality of any Inevitable Decree; but in these Cases, Custom and Corruption, superinduce upon us a kind of Necessity of going on as we begun.

FAB. CCCCLXXVI.

The _Shipwrack_ of _Simonides_.

_Simonides_ was a Learned Man, and an Excellent Poet, especially in the way of _Panegyrick_, or _Encomium_, to the Honour of the Great Men of his Age; insomuch that he made his Fortune by’t. After some time spent abroad, and a great deal of Mony got by his _Encomia_ upon the _Hero’s_ of those Times, he put Himself and his Treasure Aboard for his own Countrey again, in an Old Rotten Vessel. They fell into Foul Weather, and the Ship Miscary’d. In the Hurry of the Shipwrack, while the Passengers were at their Wits end how to Save that which they took to be of the most Value, _Simonides_ was the only Man that appeared Unconcern’d, notwithstanding that his whole Fortune was at Stake in the _Cargo_. One Ask’d him why he did not look after his Goods. Why, so I do, says he, for all the Goods that I pretend to, I have now about me. In this Extremity, some made a shift to Swim A-shore; the greater Part sunk under the weight of what they thought to Preserve; and in the mean time came in a Crew of Free-Booters, that Rifled and Stript those that Scap’d. The Men that were Paddling for their Lives, made a Port, where by great Providence there liv’d a Famous Philosopher that was a Passionate Admirer, and a Diligent Reader of _Simonides_, and his Writings. This Philosopher, upon the First Encounter, found out _Simonides_ by his very Discourse; took him into his House Cloath’d him, Furnish’d him with Mony, Provided him Servants, and put him into a Condition in fine, to Live in Honour and Plenty. As _Simonides_ was walking the Streets a while after, he saw several of his Shipwrack’d Companions begging their Bread from Door to Door, with a Certificate of their Misfortune. Well, says _Simonides_, and d’ye not find it True now as I told ye, that a Man of Letters and of Integrity, carries all his Goods about him?

The MORAL.

_The Moral is no more then this, that Virtue shall never Fail of a Reward in the Conclusion._

REFLEXION.

A Wise and a Good Man carries his Happiness in his own Breast; and that’s a Happiness too, that the Uttermost Malice of Wicked Men, and of Cross Fortune can never take away. Let all Men of Honour apply the Moral of this History to their own Comfort and Support, and Assure themselves, that Providence either in the Blessing of a good Conscience, or in that of a Happy Deliverance, will never Forsake them.

FAB. CCCCLXXVII.

Two _Men_ and a _Halter_.

A Poor Rogue that had got the Devil into his Pocket, and not One Cross in the World to drive him out again, found upon Mature Consideration, that he had no Choice before him, but either to Hang or Starve; for, says he, I have neither Cash, Credit, nor Friends, to keep Life and Soul together. He bethought himself a while upon the Matter, and so Resolv’d rather of the Two to go to Heaven in a String. Upon this, he immediately provides himself a Halter; fits the Noose, and pitches upon the Place of Execution; but as he was driving a Hook into an Old Wall to Fasten the Cord to, Down comes a Great Stone that was Loose, and a Pot of Mony along with it. The Fellow presently throws away the _Halter_, Takes the Gold by Content, without either Weighing or Counting it, and so away he Scours with the Purchase. He was no sooner gone, but in comes the Man that had hid the Mony, to give his Pot a Visit: He finds the Birds flown it seems, and _Marrying and Hanging_, they say, _go by Destiny_. The last Comer, in fine, succeeds to the Rope of his Predecessor, and very fairly Hangs himself, with this Comfort in the Conclusion, That Providence had sav’d him the Charge of a _Halter_.

The MORAL.

_Where there’s Mony in the Case, ’tis Forty to One but some Body or other goes to the Devil for’t._

REFLEXION.