Chapter V: Usurers and Curryers., 392 (23)

Poverty and Avarice are near A-kin, and the Rich Insatiable Miser that is still Carking after More and More, is every jot as Miserable as he that has just Nothing at all. What’s the Difference betwixt Gold in one Part of the Earth, and Gold in Another? Betwixt the Minted Gold that the Sordid Churl Buries in a Pot, and the Ore that Nature has Prepar’d and Tinctur’d in the Mine? They are Both equally lost to the common Use of Mankind; Only the One lies a little deeper then the Other. We may finish this Moral with a Consideration of the Folly of those People that Starve themselves to Enrich others, and make their Own Lives Wretched for the Advantage perhaps of Thieves or Strangers. The Halter, in fine, serv’d both their turns; as well His that had no Mony at first, as t’others that Lost it.

FAB. CCCCLXXVIII.

A _Mountebank_ and a _Bear_.

As a _Quack_ was Exposing his Bills and Med’cines upon a Stage, in the Quality both of a _Doctor_ and a _Jack-Pudding_, Thousands and Thousands of People Gaping and Staring at him with as much Reverence and Attention, as if every Word that came out of his Mouth had dropt from the Lips of an Oracle: It happen’d just in the Nick of this _Interim_, that an Officer of _Paris-Garden_ was Leading one of his Majesties _Bears_, that way, with a Ring through the Nose of him. The Rabble immediately upon the Novelty of this Adventure, quitted the _Mountebank_, and Gather’d in Multitudes about the _Bear_, _Shouting_ and _Huzzaing_ along with him, as if it had been a Procession to a _Pope-Burning_, or peradventure some more Pompous Spectacle. The _Bear_ upon this Noise and Bussle, (though none of the Quickest-Witted Animals,) made a Speech to the Crowd after the best manner. Heark ye my Friends, says he, I’m Glad to see you so Merry at my being led like a Sot by the Nose thus; but pray let’s Laugh at one another by Turns, for you are every Jot as Ridiculous to _Me_, as I am to _You_, the _Mobile_ are led by the _Ears_ just as the _Bears_ are led by the _Noses_; and that’s all the Difference in the Case betwixt us.

The MORAL.

_The_ Mobile _are altogether for Noise and Novelty, and One New Thing drives out another: Nay, we take Pleasure in the very Spectacle that Effectually Abuses us; as a Bear with a Ring in his Nose, is no more then an Emblem of Every Man of us, for we are led as much as He, some by the Ear or Eye; others by our Lusts and Affections: But in fine, every Soul of us some way or other_.

REFLEXION.

No Man should make Sport with, or Condemn any thing in another, without first Considering whether he be not Guilty of the very same thing Himself. The _Bear_ is led after _One_ Manner; the _Multitude_ are led after _Another_ Manner; and in some sort or other we are all led; only the _Bearward_ in this Fable leads but _One_ Brute, and the _Mountebank_ leads a _Thousand_: And what’s the whole Bus’ness at last, but Noise, Novelty, and Example? And One Fool Staring and Hooting for Company after Another; We take more Care to do as _Others_ do, then to do as we _ought_ to do, or in truth to Understand the Sum and Substance of our Duties. The _Peoples_ leaving the _Mountebank_ for the _Bear_, Imports as great Readiness, even to leave _Him_ too for what comes next, and shews us that there’s no Trusting to the _Mobile_. It may serve also to Mind us, that the very Course of our Lives is little better then a _Series_ of Mistakes, and a Transition from One Weakness to Another. He that finds himself Uneasie in One Unreasonable Choice, has Recourse naturally to Another, perchance as Unreasonable: And let him be never so Sick of the Error, there’s yet some Pleasure in the Variety; though it be but in the _Hope_ of Mending the Matter.

FAB. CCCCLXXIX.

A _Skittish Horse_.

There goes a Story of a Restiff, Skittish Jade, that had gotten such a Trick of Rising, Starting, and Flying out at his own Shadow, that he was not to be Endur’d; for the Discipline of the Spur and the Bit was wholly Lost upon him. When his Rider found that there was no Reclaiming of him by the Ordinary Methods of Horsemanship, he took him to task upon the Philosophy and Logick of the Bus’ness. ’Tis only a _Shadow_, says he, that you Boggle at: And what is that _Shadow_, but so much Air that the Light cannot come at? It has neither Teeth nor Claws, you see, nor any thing else to Hurt ye: ’Twill neither Break your Shins, nor Block up your Passage; and what are you afraid of then? Well says the Horse, (who it seems had more Wit then his Master,) ’tis no new Thing in the World, even for the greatest _Heroes_ to shrink under the Impression of _Panick Terrors_. What are all the _Sprights_, _Ghosts_ and _Goblins_ that you your selves Tremble at, but _Phantomes_ and _Chimera’s_, that are bred and shap’d in your own Brain?

The MORAL.

_Nature and Reason have Fortify’d us, if we will but make use of our Strength, against all Difficulties that can Befall us in this World. But if we will stand Boggling at Imaginary Evils, let us never Blame a Horse, for starting at a Shadow._

REFLEXION.

’Tis a Common Thing for People to Blame what they Practise, and to be spending their Censures upon others, when they should be Examining Themselves: Whereas in Justice, Charity and Prudence, we should make no other Use of our Neighbours Faults, then we do of a Looking Glass to Mend our own Manners by, and to set Matters right at Home. When we see a Horse start at a Shadow, what have we more to do then to Contemplate the Folly and Vanity of our own Surprizes and Mistakes in a Thousand Instances of the same Quality! For what are all the Vexatious Transports of our Hopes and Fears, Extravagant Wishes, and Vain Desires, but the Images of Things every jot as Whimsical, as the Vision of the Shadow here in the Fable? And we can never hope for Better, so long as we Govern our selves by _Fancy_, without _Reason_. To say all in a Word, the whole Bus’ness comes to no more then this; First, we form some _Nonsensical Idea_ to our selves, and then fall down to an _Idol_ of our _Own Making_.

FAB. CCCCLXXX.

No _Laws_ against _Flattery_.

_Flattery_ is undoubtedly one of the most Unmanly, and Pernicious Vices under the Sun, either Publick or Private; and in One Word, the very Pest of all Commonwealths and Families, wherever it is Entertained; and yet, to the Scandal of Human Policy, even in the Best of Governments, the World was I know not how many Thousand Years Old, before ever any Provision was thought of for the Preventing or the Suppressing of this _Epidemical Corruption_. _Apollo_ was the First that (out of his Own Wisdom and Goodness) Erected a Court of Justice for the Tryal of _Parasites_; appointing the Sharpest Satyrists of the Age for their Judges; and Arming the Commissioners with full Power and Authority to Hear and Determine all Causes of that Quality: The Offender to stand Convict upon the Testimony of one single Witness; and Immediately upon Conviction, to be carried away into the _Market-Place_, and there _Chained to a Stake_, and _Flay’d Alive_. It was Observ’d, that notwithstanding the Severity of this Inexorable Law, _Flattery_ was still as Bold, Busie, and Barefac’d as Ever, from the very Palace to the Cottage; and yet in a matter of Six Months time, not One Complaint brought into the Court against it. Upon this Neglect, there were _Spies_ and _Informers_ set at work in all _Coffee-Houses_, and other Publick Places, to Watch the Company, and give intelligence to the _Tribunal_ of what was said or done there, that might be laid hold of. The very next day there was a Courtier taken up, and an Accusation Exhibited against him, for having given a Person of Eminent Quality, the Character of a Man of Honour, Brains, Good Government, and Virtue, when the whole World knew him to be no better then an Ignorant Mercenary Sot, that without any regard to Honesty, Prudence, or Good Manners, Abandon’d himself Entirely to his Lusts and Pleasures. The Prisoner both Confess’d and Justifi’d the Fact at the same time, appealing to the Person most concern’d, whether he had wrong’d him or not; who not only Acquitted the Man, but Reflected most Desperately upon the Scandalous Practice of the Court it self, in making that to be _Flattery_, which upon the whole Matter, was no other then _Truth_ and _Justice_. The Commission was hereupon Discharg’d, for they found it utterly Impracticable to punish a Fault that no Body would either Acknowledge or Complain of.

The MORAL.

_’Tis nothing but Self-Love at Home, that Provokes and Invites Flattery from Abroad: And the Disposition of One Man to Receive it, Encourages Another to give it._

REFLEXION.

This Fiction may serve to shew us, that what Influence soever Political Laws and Provisions may have upon the External Regulation of our Practices and Manners; it is a thing yet utterly Impossible for Human Wisdom to form such an Act of State, as shall reach the Wickedness of the Heart: So that in despite of all the Rules and Cautions of Government, the most Dangerous and Mortal of Vices will still come off, without so much as a Publick Censure. As who shall pretend to inflict any Punishment upon Flattery, Hypocrisie, and other Sins of the Heart, when there lies no proof against them? One may be a very Honest Man in the Eye of the Law, and yet a most Abominable Wretch in the Sight of God, and of his Own Conscience. But still it is worth the while however, to consider how we may discountenance and prevent those Evils which the Law can take no Cognizance of. And to gain this Point, the Effect must be Obviated in the Cause. _Flattery_ can never take Place upon any Man (so as to Corrupt him) that did not Flatter Himself First; for it is a vain Opinion of our Selves, that lays us Open to be Impos’d upon by Others.

FAB. CCCCLXXXI.

Three _Dreaming Travellers_.

Three Men were Travelling through a Wilderness; the Journey it seems was longer then they thought for, and their Provisions fell short; but there was enough left for any One of ’em yet, though too little for all; and how to Dispose of the Remainder, was the Question. Come (says One of the Three,) Let’s e’en lye down and Sleep, and he that has the Strangest Dream, shall have That that’s Left. The Motion was Agreed to, and so they dispos’d themselves to their Rest. About Midnight, Two of them Wak’d, and told one another their Dreams. _Lord_, says one of ’em, _What a Fancy have I had! I was taken up methought into the Heavens, I know not how, and there set down just before_ Jupiter’s _Throne. And I_, says T’other, _was Hurry’d away by a Whirlwind, methought to the very Pit of Hell_. The Third all this while Slept _Dog-Sleep_, and heard every Word they said. They fell then too Lugging and Pinching their Companion, to tell him the Story. _Nay, pray be Quiet_, says he, _What are ye? Why we are your Fellow Travellers_, they Cry’d. _Are ye come back again then?_ says he. They told him they had never stirr’d from the Place where they were. _Nay then_, says t’other, _’twas but a Dream, for I Fancy’d that one of ye was Carry’d away with a Whirlwind to_ Jupiter, _and t’other to_ Pluto: _And then thought I to my self, I shall never see these Poor People again: so I e’en fell on, and Eat up all the Victuals_.

The MORAL.

_There is a Fooling sort of Wit that has nothing more in’t then the Tricking up of some Insipid Conceit to no manner of Purpose, but to Mortifie Good Company, and Tire out an Ingenious Conversation. The Jests of these People are only to be Order’d as we do Cucumbers: Wash them, and Beat them, and then throw them out at the Window. That is to say, they are Flat and Insipid, without either Meaning or Morality to help them out._

REFLEXION.

Where Men will be Fooling and Bantering, a Trick for a Trick is but Common Reason and Justice; and it comes closer yet too, when the Trick is Encounter’d with Another of the same kind; for it does not only spoil the Jest, but makes the Agressor Himself Ridiculous; especially when the Design is Forelay’d and Concerted in Form, as here in the Fable. The Frolick of a Cleanly Banter, may do well enough _off-hand_, and without _Affectation_; but a _Deliberated_ Foolery is most Abominably Fulsome.

FAB. CCCCLXXXII.

_Reason_ of _State_.

Upon the coming out of a Book Entituled _Reason_ of _State_, there happen’d a warm Dispute in the Cabinet of a Great Prince, upon that Subject. Some would have it to be, _The Skill of Erecting, Defending and Enlarging a Common-Wealth_. Others were for changing the Title from _Reason of State_ to _Reason of Policy_. And a Third Party was for Correcting the former Definition, and rather running it thus, [_Reason of State is a Rule Useful for Common-Wealths, how contrary soever to the Laws both of God and Man_.] There was great Exception taken to the Plain Dealing of this Latter Definition; but upon Consulting Presidents, it was found very Agreeable to the Practical Truth of the matter.

The MORAL.

_Honesty may do well enough betwixt Man and Man, but the Measures of Government and Righteousness are quite Different Things. The Question in Reason of State is not Virtue, but Prudence._

REFLEXION.

_Reason of State_, in the Simplicity of the Notion, is only the Force of _Political Wisdom_, Abstracted from the Ordinary Rules and Methods of _Conscience_ and _Religion_. It Consults only Civil Utility, and never Matters it, provided the Publick may be the better for’t, though the Instruments and Managers go to the Devil. ’Tis somewhat with Statesmen and their Disciples, as it was with the _Patient_ and his _Physician_, that Advis’d him for his Health’s sake to have the Use of a Woman. The Good Man Scrupled the Remedy. Well says the Doctor, I Prescribe to your Body, not to your Soul, which are Two Distinct Provinces; and when I have done my Duty to the _One_, Let your _Confessor_ look to the _Other_. It is most certain, that _Reason of State_ is a very _Devillish Thing_, under a _Specious Name_, and a Cover for all Wickedness. What are Alliances and Ruptures, but Temporary Expedients? And the Ordinary Reasons of War and Peace are very little better then Banter and Paradox. This is the very Truth of the Matter, and may be seen at large in the History of all the Governments in the World: But it is one of those Truths yet that is not at all times to be spoken; and ’tis the part of a Wise Man in these Cases, to _Hear_, _See_, and _Say Nothing_.

FAB. CCCCLXXXIII.

An _Eagle_ and a _Leveret_.

An _Eagle_ that was Sharp set, and upon the Wing, looking about her for her Prey, spy’d out a _Leveret_, made a Stoop like Light’ning, and Truss’d it; and as she had it in the Foot, the Miserable Wretch Enter’d into an Idle Expostulation upon the Conscience, and Justice of the Proceeding: With what Honesty, says the _Hare_, Can you Invade the Right of another Body? _Why_, says the _Eagle_, _to whom do you belong then_? I belong to him, (says the Other) whom Heaven has made Master of all Living Creatures under the Sun, and from whom That Propriety cannot be taken without manifest Wrong and Usurpation. _Man_ is _My Master_, and I know no other. _Well_, says the _Eagle_ again in Wrath, _And what’s the Title now, that he pretends to this Propriety?_ Why ’tis the Excellency of his _Reason_, says the _Hare_, that Entitles him to this Sovereignty; which is a Claim that from the Creation of the World to this Day, was never Subjected to the Question. _In Truth_, says the _Eagle, You have advanc’d a very Pretty Invention here, in setting up_ Reason _against_ Force, _where the Cause is not to be Decided by_ Argument, _but by_ Power: _And to Convince ye now how much I am in the Right, You shall find, in despite of all other Pretensions, since I have ye under my Government and Law, that you were not Born for_ Him, _but for_ Me.

The MORAL.

_Laws with Penalties are made for the Government of the Simple, and the Weak, like Cobwebs to Catch Flies; but Power is the Law of Laws, and there’s no Disputing with it, but upon the Swords Point._

REFLEXION.

_Tyranny_ and _Oppression_ never wanted either a Plea, or an Advocate for whatever they did; for the _Majority_ of the _Lawyers_, the _Divines_, and _All Quæstuary Professions_, will be sure to run over to the _Stronger Side_, where _Will_ passes for _Law_, and _Rapine_ for _Providence_. So that it is a Folly next to Madness, for a Friendless, and an Unarmed Innocence to Expostulate with an Invincible Power. The Case of the _Hare_ and the _Eagle_ is a Common Case in the World, where the Weaker is a Prey to the Stronger; where a forcible Possession gives a Title, and where the Justice of the Cause is Determin’d by the Success. When the _Hare_ comes once to be in the gripe, ’tis too late to talk of _Reason_ and _Equity_, when contrary to all the Rules of _Moral Justice_, the _Conqueror_ is both _Judge_ and _Party_.

FAB. CCCCLXXXIV.

A _Dog_ and his _Master_.

There was an Excellent _House-Dog_, that spent his whole Night still in Bawling and Snarling at all People Indifferently that pass’d within Hearing of him. His Master took him to Task once for Barking and Yelling so at every Body that came near him, without Distinction. Why what have you a Nose for, says he, but to smell out a Thief from an Honest Man? I will not have you so much as Open your Mouth, I tell ye, at a Venture thus. Sir, says the Mastiff, ’tis out of the Zeal I have for your Service; and yet, when all is done too, I would I had no more to Answer for, then giving _False Alarums_, and _Barking out of Season_. You may fancy perhaps, that there are _No other Thieves_ then those that the Law Exposes to the _Pillory_, or a _Whipping-Post_; or to a Turn perchance at _Tyburn_ the next Sessions. You’ll find your Self Mistaken Sir, if you’ll take upon ye to Judge of these Blades by their Garbs, Looks, and outward Appearance: But if I get them in the Wind once, I’ll tell ye which is which, to the very Hearts and Souls of ’em, without the Ceremony of either Bench, Witness or Jury. Nay, says the Master, if you should happen to Spy a _Knight of the Post_, a _Catch-pole_, a _Jayler_, a _Pawn-Broker_, a _High-way-man_, a _Crop-Ear’d Scriv’ner_, a _Griping Usurer_, a _Corrupt Judge_, or any of these Vermin, pray’e Cry out _Thief_, and spare not: And I beseech ye Sir, says the Dog, what if it should be a _Pettifogging Splitter of Causes_, a _Turncoat_, _Ecclesiastical_, _Military_, or _Civil_; a _Trading Justice_, a _Mortal Enemy_ under the Mask of a _Friend_: A _Glozing Hypocrite_: Or in One word, let it be in any other Case or Encounter whatsoever; You will find it Twenty Thousand to One upon the whole Matter, that I Bark Right.

The MORAL.

_The History of Cheats and Sharpers truly Written, would be no other then the History of Human Nature._

REFLEXION.

’Tis an Unhappy thing both for Master and Servant, when the Love, Loyalty and Zeal of the One, shall be Ill Taken at the Hands of the Other; for he that will not Believe and Depend upon the Faith of a _Try’d Friend_ and _Servant_, falls under the Judgment commonly of giving too much heed to a _Secret Enemy_: Beside, that it goes to the Heart of a Man of Honour and Address, when he has done his Uttermost for his Masters Service, to fall under the Scandalous Character of Officious, and Impertinent, for his Pains. The Master here was in another Mistake too, in Supposing that all _House-Breakers_ and _Sharpers_ had _Thief_ written in their Foreheads; whereas the most Dangerous sort of _Cheats_, are but Masqueraders, under the Vizor of _Friends and Honest Men_. The Cardinal’s Rule to one of his Laquayes that had lost his Coat, comes very well to our present Purpose. The Boy said that his Eminence told him they were so Holy at _Rome_, that he thought there had been _no Thieves there_. Well, says the _Cardinal_, but hereafter, when ever you come into a strange Place, you may _take_ every Man you see for a _Thief_, provided that you _Call_ no Body so. The Dog went this way to work, and did wisely in’t; for he that keeps himself upon this Guard, shall never be Couzen’d. The Best will help it self, and therefore ’tis good to be wary for fear of the Worst.

FAB. CCCCLXXXV.

Two _Doctors_ and a _Sheep_.

As a _Sheep_ was Grazing One Evening in a Pleasant Meadow, it had the Hap to Overhear _Two Doctors_ of the _Schools_, as they were taking a Walk there, Philosophizing upon the Advantages of Mankind above all other Creatures; and particularly, upon the Natural Disposition that Man has to live in _Union_ and _Society_. The Sheep gave One of them a Gentle Touch by the Cloak, and told him, that under favour, he could not be of their Opinion. ’Tis true, says he, you have your Cities, Towns Incorporate, and Large Communities; but then you have your Magistrates too; your Laws, Oaths, and a Thousand Shackles upon ye; and all little enough to keep the Peace among ye. You Dispute, Wrangle, Fight, make a perpetual Bussle in the World, Break Friendships, Dissolve the very Tyes of Marriage, and Tear one Another to Pieces with all manner of Extravagant Contests. Now this would never be, sure, if there were in ye that same Implanted Inclination to _Unity_ and _Agreement_ that you speak of. If you would come to a clear Resolution of this Question, you must first set your Selves at liberty from the Over-ruling Awe of Disgrace, Shame, and Punishment; and by the Removal of that Force, leave your Selves to the full Scope of your Avarice and Ambition. You will then find by the Event, whether Man be Naturally a _Protector_ and _Preserver_ of _Society_, or a _Destroyer_ of it. No, no, my Learned Sirs, ’tis _We_ that are the Sociable Creatures. We Troop together, Feed together, Live together, follow the same Leader too, without any Constraint upon us, either of Vows or Penalties; and the very Flies and Pismires upon this Topick, will Rise up in Judgment against Mankind.

The MORAL.

_The Philosophers will have_ Man _in a Degree of Excellency to be a Sociable Creature; but these Philosophers are_ Men _themselves then, and Judges in their Own Case: Now, if we may Credit Matter of Fact and Experience, Men are the most Disunited Creatures under the Heavens: ’Tis their Delight, Study, Practice and Profession to lye Cutting One Anothers Throats, and Destroy their own Kind: Insomuch that Birds, Beasts and Insects, to the very Flies and Pismires, will rise up in Judgment against Mankind in this Point_.

REFLEXION.

The _Sheep_ in this Fable was clearly too hard for the _Two Doctors_; and we find all those Reasonings to be true in the World, which the _Mutton_ Alleges in the Fiction. For Man is certainly one of the most Perverse Pieces of the Creation; and not only Cross to his Rational Brethren, but betwixt his Will and his Understanding, he lives in a Perpetual Contradiction to Himself. His Practice is directly contrary to his Knowledge, and he shuts his very Eyes against the Light of his Nature. Now other Creatures that are only guided by a Providential Impulse, have the Grace to follow the Voice of their Director, and to keep themselves within the Compass of their proper Bus’ness and Duty. Whereas Man, that over and above the same common Instinct, is endu’d with the Talent of Counsel and Knowledge, Improves those Advantages only to his Greater Condemnation, by Abandoning the Offices and Functions of his Reasonable Being. The Sum of the Moral, in fine, may be this, that it is not so much the Excellency of our Human Nature, that Distinguishes us from Brutes, as the due Exercise and Application of those Rational Faculties that Heaven has Bestow’d upon us: Which comes to the very case of the _Sheep_ and the _Doctors_. _Man_ knows what he _Ought_ to do, but (to his Greater Condemnation,) he does not Act according to his Knowledge; whereas _Animals_ that are Guided barely by _Instinct_, live in Obedience to the Voice of Heaven in that of _Nature_.

FAB. CCCCLXXXVI.

_Few Friends._

One that had a Great Honour for _Socrates_, took Notice of a Pitiful Little House that he was a Building: ’Tis a strange Thing (says he to the Philosopher,) that so Great a Man as you are should ever think of Living in so Wretched a Cabin. Well, says _Socrates_, And yet as Little as it is, he were a Happy Man that had but _True Friends_ enow to fill it.

The MORAL.

_A Friend in the World, is quite Another Thing then a Friend in the Schools: And there’s a Great Difference in the Speculation of a Friend, from what we find in the Practice._

REFLEXION.

_Friendship_ is a Divine Excellency, wrapt up in a Common Name, and nothing less then the uttermost Perfection of Flesh and Blood, for Wisdom and Virtue, can Entitle a Man to the Character of a _True Friend_; though Custom, I know, has so far Prevail’d for a Promiscuous Application of the Word to Common Acquaintances and Relations, that it passes in the World, by a certain kind of Figure, for _Civility_ and _Respect_. But _Socrates_ all this while did very well Understand what he said, touching the Rarity and Paucity of Friends; and he might have added, that it is as hard a matter to Understand how to _Be_ a Friend, as to know where to _Find_ One.

FAB. CCCCLXXXVII.

An _Ass_ Carrying an _Image_.

As an Ass was Carrying an Image in Procession, the People fell everywhere down upon their Knees before him. This Silly Animal fancy’d that they Worship’d _Him_ all this while; ’till One Rounded him in the Ear; and told him, _Friend_, says he, _You are the very same Ass with this Burden upon your Back, that you were before you took it up; and ’tis not the_ Brute _they Bowe to, but the_ Image.

The MORAL.

_A Publick Character is never the less to be Reverenc’d, because a Coxcomb perhaps may Carry it; nor that Coxcomb one jot the more, save only for the sake of his Office._

REFLEXION.

The Simple Vanity of this Ass is a very Pertinent Reproof to those Men that take the Honour and Respect that is done to the Character they Sustain, to be paid to the Person; as if Mr. Constable should Assume to his Visage, the Reverence that’s paid to his Commission. There are that Interpret every Nod or Glance of Civility, in their own Favour, though it was neither Due to them, nor ever Intended them.

FAB. CCCCLXXXVIII.

A _Dog_ and a _Cat._

There was a _Dog_ and a _Cat_ brought up in the same House, from a _Whelp_ and a _Kitling_, and never were Two Creatures better together; so Kind, so Gamesome and Diverting, that it was half the Entertainment of the Family to see the Gamboles and Love-Tricks that pass’d betwixt them. Only it was Observ’d, that still at _Meal-times_ they would be Snarling and Spitting at One Another under the Table: And what was the whole Sum of the Controversie at last, but a _Dog-and-Cat-Wrangle_ about the Picking of a Bone, or the Licking of a Trencher?

The MORAL.

_Flesh and Blood does Naturally Consult its own Advantage; and when that comes to be the Question_, There’s _the Bone that in some Degree or other sets all Mortals together by the Ears_.

REFLEXION.

Here’s a Perfect Emblem of the Practices and Friendships of the World; for Men have their Toying Seasons: and their Pleasant Humours, as well as _Dogs_ and _Cats_. We Contract Little Likings; enter into Agreeable Conversations, and pass away the time so Merrily and Kindly together, (at least while that Fit of Dalliance and Diversion Lasts,) that one would think it impossible for any thing under the Sun to Break the _Intrigue_; and yet upon the throwing in any Cross Interest among ’em; (which is all One with the Bone under the Table,) nay, upon a Jealous Thought, or a Mistaken Word or Look, all former Bonds are Cancell’d, the League Broken, and the Farce Concludes in Biting and Scratching one another’s Eyes out. The same Figure will serve for Princes and States, Publick Persons and Private, Marry’d and Single; People in fine of all Professions and Pretences.

FAB. CCCCLXXXIX.

_Aristotle’s_ Definition of a _Tyrant_.

There was so great Offence taken at the Definition of a _Tyrant_ in _Aristotle_’s _Politicks_, that all the Governors under the Cope of Heaven, found themselves Touch’d in the Reflexion: Insomuch that they all Met in a General Council, to take the Matter into Consideration. _Those Princes_ (says _Aristotle_) _are_ Tyrants, _that intend their own Good, more then that of their Subjects_. The Princes were so Nettled at the Scandal of this Affront, that every Man took it to Himself; for according to that Doctrin, all the Governors upon the Face of the Earth from _Adam_ to this Day, have been no better then Downright _Tyrants_. The Council was once Thinking to put _Aristotle_ to Extremities: but imputing it rather to the Natural Sawciness of a _Pedant_, (for there’s no _Grammar_ for _Politicks_,) then to any _Malice Prepense_, they made him Eat his Words, and Expound Himself; that what he said of _Tyrants_, was only meant of _a sort of Persecutors of Old Time, that have been now long since Extinct_.

The MORAL.

_In all General Characters of Bad Men, whether Princes, Publick Ministers, or Private Persons, Care should be taken not to Involve the Good under the same Scandal and Condemnation. There are some Principles and Methods of Government, wherein the Best and the Worst of Princes may Agree; but then there are certain Perverse Notions of the Thing, and Corrupt Practices, that can hardly be Touch’d upon, without Engaging all Crown’d Heads in the Reproche: And ’tis Dangerous Skewing upon the Errors of the Age a Man lives in._

REFLEXION.

This Fancy gives us to understand, that Secrets of State are not properly the Bus’ness of the _Schools_, and in truth it is a _Topick_ too, that does as little become the _Pulpit_; for _Politicks_ are matter of _Practice_ rather then of _Notion_: Beside, that the Rules of _Government_ and those of _Religion_, Abstractedly consider’d, have very little Affinity one with the other: For the Wisdom of this World, or that which we call _Civil Prudence_, does not at all Concern it self in the Question of _Virtue_ or of _Conscience_. From hence it may be Infer’d, that Ministers of State, Priests, and Philosophers, should do well to keep their Respective Professions, without Invading the Province one of another. Here’s a Check put upon the Definition of a _Tyrant_; not so much for the _False Doctrine_ of the Position, as for the _Scandal_ of Exposing Majesty, by the _Innuendo_ of so Irreverend a Truth; for the Character of a Crown’d Head ought to be kept Sacred, let the Person be what he will. Here is likewise another Hint of Caution to us, that in all Liberties of this Nature, we keep clear of the Present Times, and be still looking another way, whatever we mean.

As to the Definition of a _Tyrant_ it self, let it be Candidly taken, and the Drift of it is this; the common Safety of King and People is wrapt up in the Well-being of each other. The _Prince_ intends his _Own_ Good in that of the _People_; and at the same time, the Good of the _People_ in that of _Himself_; for they stand or Fall together: But then there’s One Tenderness of Care and Duty, and another of Personal Inclination, or (if I may so Call it) Infirmity; and _That’s_ Aristotle’s _Tyrant_, where a Ruler Indulges his Private Appetite, and Sacrifices his People to his Passions or his Pleasures.

FAB. CCCCXC.

A _Country-man_ and a _Panther_.

A _Panther_ had the Fortune to drop into a _Pit-fall_. The People came Flocking about him; some Pelting and Battering him with Stones and Cudgels; others Pity’d him, and threw him somewhat to Eat. Toward Night, they went All Home again, taking for granted that they should find him Dead next Morning: But in that _Interim_ he came to Himself again, and gave ’em the Slip: And upon getting Loose, he made such Havock both with Man and Beast, that the whole Country, Friend and Foe, were all in Dread of him. The _Panther_ finding the Fright so General, call’d out to ’em, and told them; _So many of ye_ (says he) _as were Kind to me in the Pit, set your Hearts at Rest, for I’ll not Hurt a Creature of ye, now I’m at Liberty_. I have not forgotten who they were that gave me Bread, and who threw Stones at me; and I’m an Enemy only to those that were Enemies to me.

The MORAL.

_There’s no Creature so Wild and Savage, but it may be wrought upon and Reclaim’d by Good Offices and Benefits; to the shame of that part of Mankind, that returns Evil for Good, and is yet to Learn Humanity from the Beasts of the Forrests._

REFLEXION.

Here’s a Reproof to the Practices of Ungrateful Men, under the Figure of a Grateful Beast: A Grateful, and I might have said a Generous Beast, in being kind to those in their Distress, that had been so to Him in His. How much Worse then Brutes are those Men then, that owe the Best Blood in their Veins to the Bounty of their Friends and Patrons, and yet after Raising them from the very Dunghil to Honours and Fortunes, are the forwardest to Insult upon their Supporters and Masters, when they see ’em in any Calamity; and to add Affliction to Affliction! Now to Pursue the Fable, Here’s a Common Enemy in Appearance, at the Mercy of the People about him; some Beat him, others take pity of him: He comes afterward to make his Escape, and Distinguishes his Enemies from his Friends, by Destroying the One, and Sparing the Other. Shall we call the One a Judgment now, and the other a Providence; as if the Outrage had been a Fault, and the Pity a Meritorious Act of Good Nature? the _Moral_ will hold in both Respects; for, let the Judgment or the Execution of Death be never so Just, it is yet Barbarous, Inhuman and Unwarrantable to Agravate the Suffering with Insolence, Contumely, Malice and Reproche: And so for the Tenderness on the other hand, ’tis a Softness Inseparable from the Genuine Impulse of Reasonable Being: For the Compassion is a Laudable Benignity of Disposition, though Exercis’d upon a Beast.

FAB. CCCCXCI.

A _Mastiff_ and an _Ass_.

There was a Huge _Bear-Dog_, and an _Ass_ laden with Bread upon a Long Journey together: They were both very Hungry, and while the _Ass_ was Grazing upon Thistles by the Way-side, the _Dog_ would fain have been Eating too for Company, and Begg’d a Bit of Bread of him. The _Ass_ made him Answer, that if he were Hungry, he might e’en do as he did; for he had no Bread to spare. While this pass’d, up comes a _Wolf_ toward them. The _Ass_ fell a Trembling, and told the _Dog_, he hop’d he would stand by him if the _Wolf_ should set upon him. No, says the _Dog_, they that will Eat Alone, shall e’en Fight Alone too, for me: And so he left his Fellow-Traveller at the mercy of the _Wolf_.

The MORAL.

_Common Defence and Preservation, is the Main End of Society, and the Great Benefit we receive by Joining in’t: We Love One Another, because we are the better for One Another: And it is the Interest that Supports us in the Duty; when that Reciprocal Kindness fails, as we see here in the Dog and the Ass, the League drops to pieces._

REFLEXION.

One Good Turn, we say, requires Another; and it may be added that one Shrewd Turn Deserves and Provokes Another. The _Asses_ want of Charity in One Minute, cost him his Life in the next; and he was paid in his Own Kind too, in the return of One Scorn for Another. It was an Offence against the very Laws of Nature, and Society, and the Punishment Consequently was Providential and Just. He that shews no Compassion, shall find None.

FAB. CCCCXCII.

A _Laconique_ Try’d and Sentenc’d.

It was the Ill hap of a Learned _Laconique_, to make use of _Three Words_, when _Two_ would have done his Business: The Matter was so Foul, and the Fact so clearly Prov’d upon him, that being Cited before the Senate, he was Heard and Condemned to Read over _Guicciardines War of Pisa_ from End to End, without either Eating or Drinking till he had gone through it. The Poor Man fell into so Desperate an Agony before he could get over One Single Leaf on’t, that he threw himself upon his Face, Imploring the Mercy of the Court, though ’twere but to change his Punishment: They might send him to the _Gallies_, he said, or if it were to _Flay him Alive_, or _Bury him betwixt Four Walls_, and he should ever acknowledge it as an Act of Clemency; but for a Man of Brains and Thought, to Trouble his Head with such a deal of Tedious Trash and Pedantry, the Torment, he said, of _Perillus’s Brazen Bull_ was Nothing to’t.

The MORAL.

_Time is Life, and Life is Precious; ’Tis short enough at Best; but the more we Contract our Talk and our Business, the more we have on’t. Wherefore it is Great Wisdom to Couch all we have to do, in as Narrow a Compass as possible. The Killing of a Man with many Words, is only Another sort of Murder, out of the Reach of the Law._

REFLEXION.

This Emblem bids us Husband our Time, and bring the Business of Life into as Narrow a Compass as we can; for we have a great deal to do. ’Tis in effect, so much Life Lost, as we squander away in more Words then needs, and in the Exchange of Idle and Impertinent Discourses; Beside the Mortification of a Tedious Talker. The Figure is carry’d to the Height, in the Representation, both of the Crime and of the Punishment; over and above the Equity of Tormenting the Tormentor of Others in his own kind, as _Phalaris_ Sentenc’d _Perillus_ to be Burnt in his _Own Bull_.

FAB. CCCCXCIII.

_Matchiavel_ Condemn’d.

No Man ever had a Worse Name in the World for a Promoter of Seditious and Atheistical Politicks, then _Nicholas Matchiavel the Florentine_: Insomuch, that he was Banished not only the Conversation, but the very Libraries of all Learned Men, upon pain of being Burnt for his Pestilent Doctrins, wherever he should be taken; and a Severe Punishment inflicted over and above upon any Man that should presume to Comfort, Abet or Receive him. It was his Fortune after this, to be found upon a Search, in the Corner of a Friends Study, and to be made a prisoner; and then in course to Undergo a Sentence according to the Decree. But all these Formalities notwithstanding, he was yet by the Extraordinary Favour of his Judges, upon his Humble Petition for a Hearing, admitted to his Defence, which was to this following Effect. He made no Difficulty of Confessing the Fact, and of Acknowledging himself the Publisher of Pernicious and Execrable Positions; but withal, says he, no Mortal upon the Face of the Earth, has a Greater Abhorrence for those Desperate Maxims then my self. As to the Inventing of those Tenets, he made Protestation, that he had no Hand in’t it all, and that the Political Part of his Discourses, was only Copy’d out of the General Practices of Christian Princes; and that if they pleas’d, he was ready to Instance in the very Precedents. After this, he appeal’d to the Justice of the Bench, whether it were not very hard to make it Mortal, for One Man to write the Naked History of a thing done; and at the same time to allow the very _Doing_ of it to be Praise-worthy in Another. This Plea had brought him off, but for a fresh Accusation that was Immediately started against him; which was, that he was taken in the Dark One Night among a Flock of Sheep, putting _Dogs Teeth_ into their Mouths, which must inevitably be the Ruin of the Shepherd; for it could never be Expected that the whole Flock would ever submit to the Government of _One_, if it had either Teeth, Wit or Horns. Upon the Proof of this Charge, he was Deliver’d up immediately to Justice, and the Law Executed upon him.

The MORAL.

_The Secrets of Government ought not to be Touched with Unwash’d Hands, and Expos’d to the Multitude; for upon Granting the People a Priviledge of Debating the Prerogatives of Sovereign Power, they will Infer Naturally enough a Right, and a Title to the Controlling and the Over-ruling of it._

REFLEXION.

He that Exposes the Arts of Government to the people, does in Effect Appeal to ’em, and give the Multitude some sort of Right to Judge of, and to Censure the Actions of their Superiors. For what is any thing Publish’d for, but to be Read, and to lye consequently at the Mercy of the Reader how to Understand it? As if the Author should say, Gentlemen, here’s a _Scheme_ of _Politicks_ Submitted to your Grave Consideration, pray’e what’s your Opinion on’t? Can any Body think, that in a Question of State Exhibited after this manner, the _Mobile_ will not determine in their Own Favour, and Clap what _Bias_ upon the Proposition they themselves please? So that let the Matter be Handled never so Tenderly, ’tis a main Point lost yet; the very Admittance of the Common People into the Council, and allowing them to be of the _Quorum_. _Matchiavel_ Excuses himself well enough, as to any thing of _Malice_ in his Discourses; for (says he) these Maxims are none of My Invention, neither has any Man living a Greater Abhorrence for those Poysonous Doctrins then my Self; but my Writings are only Historical Notes and Abstracts drawn from the Life of an Universal Practice. Now the Hazzard and the Mischief is this, that in all these Cases, Men are Apt to take things by the Wrong Handle, and raise Arguments for their Own Advantage. And that’s the Moral of _Matchiavel_’s putting _Dogs Teeth_ by Night into the Mouths of the _Sheep_: That is to say, ’tis a Sly way of Irritating Subjects to fall foul upon their Rulers, which certainly is a Crime Unpardonable in any State.

FAB. CCCCXCIV.

A _Dispute_ betwixt a _Doctor_, a _Vint’ner_ and a _Botcher_.

There was a _Vint’ner_ and a _Botcher_ Challeng’d a _Doctor of Divinity_ to a Tryal of Skill in his own Trade. He Ask’d them by whom they’d be Try’d? They’d be Try’d by the _Text_ they said. The Thing was Agreed, and the Time Set, and so they brought their _Geneva_ Bibles along with them. The Doctor told them by way of Preface, that though St. _Paul fought with Beasts at_ Ephesus, _it was not the Fashion for his Followers to Fight with_ Beasts _in_ England; _and therefore if they could not prove themselves to be_ Men, _he’d have nothing to do with them_. They stood upon their Pantoufles, that _Men_ they were, and that _Men_ he should find ’em to be; and they were ready to cast the Cause upon that Issue. That’s well, says the Doctor to one of ’em, and _pray’e what are you for a Man in the First place_? I am a _Vint’ner_, says t’other. _Very Good_, quoth the Doctor, _and do you ever put New Wine into Old Bottles_? Yea, I do so, says the _Vint’ner_. _Then_, says the Doctor, _You are no_ Man; for the _Text_ says, that _No Man putteth New Wine into Old Bottles_. I shall now come to your Companion; _Pray’e, will you tell me Friend, what are you for a Man_? I am, says t’other, _a Taylor_. Alias a _Botcher_, I suppose, quoth the Doctor. _Put the Case now that my Doublet were out at the Elbows, and I have no more of the Old Cloth to Patch it up withal, could you Mend it d’ye think?_ Yea, quoth the _Botcher_, I could get _New Cloth_ to Mend it. _Why then_, says the Doctor, _You are no_ Man _neither; for you shall find it in_ Another Text, _that No Man putteth New Cloth into an Old Garment_, so that you are both Beaten here at your own Weapons; for here are _Two Texts_, to prove that _You Two_ are No Men; which is but according to your own Rule and Method of Interpreting Scripture.

The MORAL.

_This Fable strikes at the Ridiculous License of Prophane Intermedlers in Holy Matters; that is to say, a sort of Illiterate Enthusiasts, and Mechanicks, that without either Authority or Skill, will be Correcting_ Magnificat, _and setting up the Phantome of New Lights against the Doctrin of Christ and his Apostles_.

REFLEXION.

The Wisdom of the Law will not suffer any Man to Exercise a Trade that he has not serv’d his Time to; and a Body would think that the Reason of this Provision should hold as well in Divinity, as in Manual Crafts, for _Revelations_ at this time of the Day, are as much out of Date as _Miracles_. This Comical Whimsie may serve in General for a Reproof to Bold and Ignorant Pretenders in matters that they do not Understand; and so to those also that Confidently Usurp upon other Mens Provinces, without any Right or call to the Function. What are the Freaks in fine, of these _Religionaries_, but Fits of the _Spleen_, and the Fumes of a Dark Melancholy, Cover’d under the name and pretence of Divine Gifts and Graces? They’ll Cap ye _Texts_, as School-Boys Cap _Verses_; and in Defiance of all the Extraordinary Cases, the Figures, Types, Allegories, and Parables that are so frequent in Holy Writ, every thing must be Understood too, as the Doctor has Turn’d it here upon the _Vint’ner_ and the _Botcher_, according to the _Letter_. They’ll draw ye a Warrant for the Murdering of Kings, from the Example of _Ahab_ and _Benhadad_. An Authority for _Couzening_ their Neighbours, from the _Israelites Robbing the Egyptians_. In One Word, they shall Overturn all the Principles of Human Society, Morality, and Religion it self, and shew ye a Text for’t: And upon the whole Matter, what is the Conscience of these People more at last, then _Fancy_ and _Illusion_? They Contend for they know not what, like the Two Fellows that went to Loggerheads about their Religion; the One was a _Martinist_ he said; the other said that all _Martinists_ were _Hereticks_, and for his part he was a _Lutheran_: Now the Poor Wretches were both of a Side, and Understood it not. As for the Bus’ness of Learning and Common Sense, they call it _the Wisdom of this World_, and effectually make it a Heavenly Grace to be an Egregious Coxcomb. There was an Honest Simple Tradesman, wonderfully Earnest with the Parson of the Parish to know what the _Forbidden Fruit_ was; as if there had been no more in’t, then whether ’twas a _Kentish_ or a _Kirton Pippin_. The Good Man told him, that it was an _Apple_, and that _Adam_’s Eating of it, brought all his Posterity under a Sentence of Condemnation. T’other said, it was so hard a Case, that in reverence to the Divine Mercy, he thought himself bound to question the whole Story. This Liberty of Retailing Divinity by the Letter, is the very Root of Infidelity and of all Heresies, nay of Atheism it self. For when people have been Beating their Brains about a Difficulty, and find they can make Nothing _on’t_, they are apt to think there’s Nothing _in’t_; for the _Mystery’s_ Lost to Him that stands Poring only upon the _Letter_.

FAB. CCCCXCV.

There’s no _To Morrow_.

A Fellow had got a Wench in a Corner; and very Earnest they were upon the Text of Encrease and Multiply; but the Gipsy stood upon her Points forsooth; _She’d not be Towz’d and Tumbled at that Rate, i’ faith not She_. In fine, _No Peny, No Pater-Noster_; and there was no Good to be done unless he would Marry her. The Poor Devil was under a kind of _Duresse_; and for brevity sake, promis’d her with a kind Oath, that he would Marry her _to Morrow_. Upon this Assurance, they Sign’d and Seal’d. The next Day they met again, and the Next to that; and so _Every Next Day_, for a matter of a Fortnight after; and the Love went on to the Tune of _To Morrow_, and _To Morrow_ still. But the Girl finding her Self Fool’d, and put off thus from _One_ to _Morrow_ to _Another_, fell in the Conclusion to Expostulating with him upon the _Matter_. _Did not you Swear_, Yesterday says she and Yesterday, _and I know not how many_ Yesterdays, _that you’d Marry me_ to Morrow? Yes my Dear, says the Spark, I did Swear so; and I do now Swear it all over again too, and thou shalt find me as good as my Word. Ay, but hark ye, says the Lass, is not _to Day to Morrow_? No my Heart, says the Gallant again, that’s thy Mistake; for there are _No to Morrows_; People are apt to _Talk_ of ’em indeed, but they never come, for _Life it self is but the Time Present_.

The MORAL.

_The Sparks Case here in the Fable, of_ to Morrow _and_ to Morrow, _is Every Man’s, and Every Days Case in the World; and we do the very same Thing with God Almighty, that this Blade does with his Mistress, we Promise, and Put-off, and Perform Nothing_.

REFLEXION.

Whoever Reads and Considers this Emblem, will find it to be his own Case; we promise, and we put-off, and we sin, and we go on Sinning: But still as our Conscience Checks us for’t, we take up Faint Purposes, and Half Resolutions to do so no more, and to lead a New Life for the future. Thus the Young Fellow here, we Indulge our Selves in our Pleasures from Time to time; and when we have Whil’d away our Lives, Day after Day, from _One to Morrow to Another_, that same _to Morrow_ never comes. This is the Sluggard’s Plea and Practice; the Libertine’s; the Miser’s; and in short, whose is it not? Now if Man would but Consider the Vanity and the Vexation of a Lewd Course of Life; the Impiety first of Entring into Vows, which they intend Before-hand not to Perform, and afterward of Breaking them; the Folly and the Presumption of Undertaking for any thing that is wholly out of our Power; the Necessity of Emproving every Moment of our Lives, the Desperate and the Irreparable Hazzard of Losing Opportunities: People would not venture Body and Soul upon the necessity of a Procrastinated Repentance; and Postpone the most uncertain Duties of a Man and of a Christian. For there’s no _to Morrow_, nor any thing in truth, but the Present Instant that we can call our Own.

FAB. CCCCXCVI.

A _Lady_ in Trouble for the Loss of a _Set_ of _Horses_.