Chapter IV: Appendix: B: Marriage Counseling Agencies 211 (4)

Often this ideal has the qualities of some of the people we idolized in earlier years. Sometimes the qualities seem to be those of a favorite movie star, or of a heroine of literature. Sometimes they are inspired by qualities of an admired parent or older brother or sister. If you were brought up in a home by an adored and deeply-loved mother, your “phantasy ideal” may have almost all the good qualities of your mother. But if you were brought up in a home where you and your mother were in constant conflict, then you may be interested in avoiding in a mate all the qualities you associate in your mind with your own mother.

People who cling to their phantasy ideal after they are grown up do so largely because they cannot distinguish between what they want and what they need. They are convinced that their wants and needs are identical. Their families and friends may try to show them the difference but their immediate wants are all that they can see.

Most of us who are married can look back and can see that the girl or man we yearned to marry at twenty would not be the kind of mate we need now. We thank Heaven that we did not marry that one.

Then what are the things we need in a mate? There are certain qualities that almost everyone would accept as desirable--qualities such as good health, sense of humor, fairness, dependability, unselfishness, patience. And there are some traits that are so fundamental that we will take them up in the next chapter under “Crucial Traits for a Happy Marriage.”

However, most all authorities are agreed that in considering possible mates you should in general seek someone who is roughly near your own age, who has about the same education that you have, who comes from approximately the same social-economic level that you do, and who is of the same nationality, race and religion.

Intelligence is important only in a relative sense--relative, that is, to you. Feebleminded persons tend to marry feeble-minded persons. While geniuses cannot always marry geniuses, they do tend to marry highly intelligent people. The average man marries a woman who is slightly less intelligent than he is. That’s why many brilliant women never marry. They do not come in contact with sufficiently brilliant men, or fail to disguise their brilliance in order to win a man of somewhat less intelligence. College males tell us that they want a girl for a wife who is “intelligent,” but makes them feel they are still more intelligent!

Another thing we must concede: some people have wants which are so intense that they become needs. We have a letter from a veteran, a young major. The girl he has long considered proposing to has everything he wants except beauty. He has gone with her for four years. He is thirty-one, she is twenty-seven. She is sweet, understanding, affectionate, is well educated and supporting herself. She is a good cook and an excellent companion. She is neat and clean and plain. But she is not pretty. He knows she loves him and he thinks he loves her but every time he thinks of proposing he is held back because she isn’t attractive. Perhaps he should not marry this girl if her lack of beauty is going to gnaw at him the rest of his life. One alternative--and we suggested it--was that he suggest to her somehow that she take a course with a “charm school.” Another thought we suggested was that most beauty comes from within and that ten years from now this girl would probably have a more appealing face than many of the so-called beauties of her own age today.

In considering what you need in a mate it might be helpful to consider what are the important things to your happiness in life. _A marriage will be good for you only if it helps you satisfy these basic needs._ These needs--after you have achieved subsistence through food, shelter and clothing--are primarily psychological.

In considering whether any particular person would be a good mate for you, ask yourself these seven questions, based on the psychological needs you will want to satisfy:

* * * * *

WILL THIS MATE BRING YOU SOCIAL APPROVAL? You will want a mate that other people will like, that other people will admire and respect. You thus need a mate who is adept at getting along with other people. Will your friends like him and will the mate’s friends like you? Will your parents think approvingly of the marriage?

* * * * *

CAN THIS MATE OFFER YOU SECURITY? This desire for security is a very fundamental one, especially with girls. It is based upon the bodily need for food, shelter and clothing but is much more complex. Will this mate be kind and considerate and give you a feeling of confidence and stability? Will this mate refrain from gambling, drinking and other things that might imperil the security of your future home and children? In short, will this mate bring you a feeling that you have an anchor that will keep you steady?

* * * * *

WILL THIS MATE HELP YOU GET AHEAD? This involves the desire for mastery, which is a universal human motive, particularly with men. It produces the urge to succeed, to excel, to overcome obstacles, to keep on fighting, to master situations. It is this desire for mastery that makes a husband take a correspondence course which may lead to a job promotion. The girl wants a mate who will be ambitious and the man needs a wife who will show initiative, who will read books on how to prepare tasty dishes and how to rear children according to the best principles of child care, and who will not become easily discouraged or frustrated.

* * * * *

WILL THIS MATE EMBARRASS YOU BY NONCONFORMITY? The man wants a wife who will not act unbecomingly in public, who knows how to say and do the right thing when other people are present, who will conform to the customs that will cause the neighbors to think well of her. The girl wants a man who is not discourteous or sloppy, who will get to work at the time he is supposed to report, who will not embarrass her in public by doing things that will make them criticized by others.

* * * * *

WILL THIS MATE BE AFFECTIONATE WITH YOU? We all want to be appreciated, to be approved by our own mate, to be given spontaneous tokens of affection, to be told that we are loved. It is tied up with our desire for praise and recognition. The man wants his wife to cherish him, to build him up, to show him in many little ways that she loves him, that she is close to him, and that she needs him. And the wife, perhaps to an even greater degree, needs to feel she is important to her husband, that he loves her and shows that love in many little ways.

* * * * *

WILL THIS MATE SATISFY YOU SEXUALLY? There are many ways you can detect before marriage whether such satisfaction can be achieved with this particular mate. Beware a person who shows a neurotic tendency, unconventional behavior, a craving for excitement, an urge to be constantly on the go. Beware of both the prudes and of persons who seem preoccupied with sex. Beware of indications of jealousy and possessiveness. These symptoms suggest that this person may not be able to find sexual satisfaction in marriage nor bring it to you.

* * * * *

FINALLY, CAN THIS MATE TALK THINGS OVER WITH YOU? This ability, in our opinion, is one of the biggest single values in marriage. Beware of suspiciousness, of demands for explanation, of resentment, of continual criticism of others. These things suggest you may be entangled with a nagger and a complainer who will constantly try to improve you stead of dealing with you as a partner. You will find it difficult to talk to such a person, to discuss your mutual problems. Being able to talk things over with another person without restraint--which psychologists call mutual psychotherapy--is probably one of the greatest things you can get out of marriage. If a couple have confidence in each other, can confide their hopes, and their ambitions, can encourage and stimulate each other when frustrated, then such a couple can go far in satisfying the basic needs in their lives.

_Chapter X_

Crucial Traits for a Happy Marriage

Thus far we have talked about what young people think they want in their mates and about the basic needs, which a good mate should fill. But we still haven’t discussed the big question. What are the actual traits you should have and your mate should have if you are to achieve happiness in marriage? What makes a marriage happy or unhappy?

A few years ago no reliable answer was available. But within the past few years a great deal of illuminating data has been turned up by investigators as a result of an upsurge of scientific interest in marriage. This interest was aroused by the frightening rise in marital bankruptcy as shown by the divorce trend.

What are the characteristics actually found in happily married mates and unhappily married mates?

Terman delved into the lives of 792 married couples and came out with these conclusions about the qualities that usually go with both kinds of mates:

HAPPY WIVES UNHAPPY WIVES

Have kindly attitude toward Often have feelings of
others inferiority
Like to help underdogs Tend to be defensive or
Tend to be conventional aggressive
Are coöperative Easily annoyed, irritated
Strong urge to save money Often join clubs only to get
Are optimistic about life an office or recognition
Do not take offense easily in them
Less interested in social activities Extreme in their views
such as dances More likely to be neurotic
Like to teach children Lose tempers easily
Put less importance on clothes Impressed by thrilling
Are systematic homemakers situations
Do less daydreaming Seek spectacular activities
Want to be on the move
Show little interest in
housework

Now how about the husbands? Here is what Terman found about them:

HAPPY HUSBANDS UNHAPPY HUSBANDS

Have greater stability Often have feelings of
Are coöperative inferiority
Get along well with business Compensate by browbeating wife
associates and subordinates
Are somewhat extroverted Dislike details
Are more conservative in attitudes More radical about sex
Willing to take initiative morality
Take responsibility easily Inclined to be moody
Do not get rattled easily Are more argumentative
Like recreations that take
them away from home
Apt to be careless about money

Another approach Terman made was to find out what husbands and wives complain about most in their mates. He found that unhappily married couples were overflowing with complaints while happily married couples voiced few criticisms. Here are the complaints he heard most often:

COMPLAINTS FROM HUSBANDS COMPLAINTS FROM WIVES

Wife’s feelings hurt too easily Insufficient income from husband
Wife too critical In-laws
Trouble with in-laws Impatience of husband
Wife nervous or emotional Husband’s poor management of
Income managed poorly income
He has no “freedom” His tendency to be critical
Wife has poor taste in His preferences in amusements
amusements His failure to talk things over
Wife is a nagger His failure to show affection

When Terman had accumulated all of his findings, he devised a “Prediction of Marriage Happiness Scale” by means of which an unmarried person could determine his own chances of finding happiness in marriage. This has nothing to do with the other person involved but simply tests your own capability of becoming a good mate for someone. He found what we have already indicated--that your background largely predetermines your ability to be a successful mate. Of the factors he found most significant in predicting happiness in marriage, ten stand out as most essential to success.

1. Are your parents happily married?
2. Did you have a happy childhood?
3. Were you free from conflict with your mother?
4. Was your childhood discipline firm but not harsh?
5. Did you have a strong attachment to your mother?
6. Did you have a strong attachment to your father?
7. Were you free from conflict with your father?
8. Were your parents frank with you about sex?
9. Were you punished infrequently and mildly?
10. Is your attitude toward sex free from disgust or aversion?

Terman says that any person who has all ten in his favor is a considerably better than average marriage risk. He gives emphasis to this by saying that any one of the ten factors seems to be more important to marriage happiness than does virginity of the individual at the time of marriage.

At Penn State, where the first all-college marriage counseling service in America was founded, an adaptation of Dr. Terman’s prediction scale is used, by special permission of Dr. Terman, along with the Guilford-Martin Personnel Inventory I and other tests. But the main device the Penn State clinic uses in building an over-all “index” of a person’s prospects for a happy marriage is the Adams-Lepley Personal Audit, which was a product of Penn State’s own investigations. This Audit not only discloses your potentialities for being a good mate, and the potentialities of your possible mate, but goes on to match your two profiles to see if you are compatible.

The happiest marriages, the clinic has found, are between persons who not only are good prospects for marriage individually but who have markedly similar personalities. The clinic calls this compatibility. It has found that _opposites_ may attract each other but it is the _likes_ who achieve the happiest marriages together.

In the process of perfecting this Audit, the clinic not only tested it on thousands of persons and couples but followed up hundreds of those couples who later married, to find out how well the predictions bore up after the couple had been living with each other a year or so as man and wife. (They bore up very well indeed.)

Now the clinic believes it knows just what traits are crucial for men to possess and what ones are crucial for women. (They sometimes differ.)

The Audit measures you for nine separate and distinct traits of personality--sociability, conformity, tranquillity, dependability, stability, idealism, steadiness, flexibility, and seriousness. A personality trait has two extremes, just as height has the two extremes of tallness and shortness. These are the opposite poles for the nine traits just listed:

Reserved--Sociable Bold--Fearful
Agreeable--Nonconforming Broadminded--Idealistic
Tranquil--Irritable Calm--Emotional
Dependable--Evasive Rigid--Flexible
Thoughtful--Frivolous

Let’s consider these nine traits, and their significance when found in a mate. (You can also apply them to yourself.)

* * * * *

TRAIT I. IS HE RESERVED OR SOCIABLE? Another way to put it is this: “Is he introverted or extroverted?” The reserved person is usually quiet, ambitious, serious, agreeable with intimates and confines his socializing to close friends. Sociable or extroverted people are extremely social and aggressive. They are talkative and carefree and sometimes show little regard for other people’s rights. They are the “glad-handers.” Perhaps the man is a salesman, or the girl is a sorority president.

The Penn State investigators found, surprisingly, that the happily married men tended to be just a bit more impulsive, to be more sociable, to be more talkative and to have broader interests than did unhappily married men. Women on the other hand could tend to be either reserved or sociable and still be happy, as long as they were not extreme introverts or extreme extroverts.

* * * * *

TRAIT II. IS HE AN AGREEABLE SORT, OR IS HE AN “INDIVIDUALIST”? The agreeable person tends to conform to the norms set by society. He is usually poised, coöperative, can concentrate easily and tends to wholesome recreations. The individualist enjoys the idea of being “different,” is apt to hurt people’s feelings by his brusqueness and impatience with things that bore or irritate him. In extreme cases he is bullheaded and argumentative.

* * * * *

TRAIT III. IS HE TRANQUIL OR IRRITABLE? The tranquil person has an even disposition, works methodically, is patient, gets along well with folks. The irritable person tends to “fly off the handle,” to be easily annoyed, to find fault, to be erratic and peevish.

For men tranquillity is a _crucial_ trait, the Penn State investigators found. The happily married man is less easily annoyed, less irritable, less peevish, less critical than the unhappily married man. To a girl this means she should be careful about marrying a man who is irritable. While it is desirable for the girl to be even-tempered too, this trait is not as important for a girl as for a man. However, it was found that when one of the two mates tends to be irritable and annoyed it is highly desirable for the other mate to be even-tempered. When you get two irritable persons under the same roof the explosions soon force one to beat a retreat, sometimes into divorce.

* * * * *

TRAIT IV. IS HE FRANK OR EVASIVE? This is probably the most crucial trait for marriage happiness that we know. The dependable person is frank and truthful and conscientious. He gets along harmoniously with others, is willing to accept responsibility, is stable and coöperative. The evasive person is unwilling to face reality or to accept responsibilities. He “passes the buck” or projects the blame for things onto others. He exaggerates and often lies. He is easily depressed and lacks integrity.

Persons who rate high in dependability consistently are the ones who are happiest in both marriage and their work. This one trait is at least as crucial to happiness in marriage for a girl as is the entire complex of traits measured by Terman’s Prediction Scale. While it is most crucial for girls in marriage, it is also crucial for men. For a girl it is unquestionably the most crucial trait we know.

This means that in considering any possible mate you should be particularly careful to notice whether he or she is dependable or not dependable. Does he keep appointments, tell the truth and work conscientiously?

* * * * *

TRAIT V. IS HE BOLD OR FEARFUL? The “bold” person is confident to the point of cocksureness. He is willing to carry out responsibilities, usually is carefree, stable, self-sufficient, and a bit dominant. The unstable, or fearful, person is shy and changeable. He may seem withdrawn and rarely evinces qualities of leadership.

This trait is crucial for women and fairly important for men. A woman, to have a happy marriage, needs to show strong indications of stability, because in running her household alone she must be self-assured and independent in emergencies when outside help isn’t available. A man should beware a woman who is exceedingly nervous or fearful, jittery or afraid. For the man it is important that he be fairly stable, but without being reckless.

* * * * *

TRAIT VI. IS HE BROADMINDED OR IDEALISTIC? The broadminded person is tolerant, flexible, practical, realistic. His temperament tends to be pleasant and smooth. The idealistic person shows strong attitudes. Prejudice, often disguised as “high” standards, may be present. Inferiority and peevishness are often found here.

Stop and think. The girl you want to marry is the one you hope will be the mother of your children. You want her to instill reasonably high standards and ideals in the children. You want her to be conventional and not do things that will bring criticism. The happiest marriages are those in which the wife has high standards and ideals but not ones that are so stiff and unyielding that she can never see any justification for a slip-up now and then. Unhappy marriages are those where the wives have standards that are very low and who behave in unconventional or questionable ways. Our society encourages higher standards and ideals for women than it does for men. The man can be tolerant and easygoing but should have standards sufficiently high so that he considers it important to be faithful to his wife, and does not waste his money in drink or gambling.

* * * * *

TRAIT VII. IS HE CALM OR EMOTIONAL? Calm persons have “normal” ways of thinking. Their feelings are not intense. Persons whose work requires objectivity and courage--such as surgeons and military leaders--score high at this level. Emotional people, in contrast, usually think in unorthodox ways. They are usually sensitive. Their feelings are volatile and deep-seated. Interests in writing, drama, arts, literature are often found here. Individualistic, creative work is preferred, and the person may appear temperamental or eccentric to others. Repression and sexual conflicts are common.

Since the emotional person is intense and usually not too well adjusted, marriage may not prove too satisfactory. The trait of coolness or steadiness is much more crucial for men than for women. The happiest married men seem to be those who are steady and free of excess emotion. This enables them to be objective in their work. A girl should be wary of selecting a mate who is very emotional, who is too much interested in sex or who works in the movies or other work where there is a great deal of glamour and excitement.

* * * * *

TRAIT VIII. IS HE RIGID OR FLEXIBLE? This is more important in men than in women, and the man’s age determines whether he should score high in rigidity or in flexibility. If the man is under twenty-five it is well for the couple’s future happiness if he scores quite high in flexibility because marriage requires a great deal of adjusting and a certain amount of trying out new jobs is healthy for a young man. However, flexibility in a man past thirty should make a girl seriously question the advisability of marriage to him because he is apt to be permanently a “will-o’-the-wisp”; his characteristics are pretty well set. A man in his thirties who changes jobs frequently, who is not “settled,” is not a good matrimonial bet.

* * * * *

TRAIT IX. IS HE THOUGHTFUL OR FRIVOLOUS? Beware of the girl who is frivolous. She will be shallow and discontented; she will have many unsettled problems; she will be worrying about her past as well as her future; she will have trouble making up her mind and will seem to be at loose ends. She may nag and complain. For women, thoughtfulness ranks second only to dependability in importance to marriage happiness.

There you have the nine traits. As you have probably noticed, it is much more crucial for women to have the right personality traits than for men. This is due largely to the fact that marriage looms much larger in a woman’s life than it does in a man’s. A wife has to do the larger part of the “adjusting” to marriage. She usually has to give up her name, her job, her residence, and many of her friends. The man can go on pretty much the same as he did before marriage. The wife must spend the greatest part of her day being a wife (homemaker) whereas the man serves actively in the role of husband only a few hours a day.

In summing up, what advice would we give the young man in order that he can select a mate who will be happy in marriage and contribute to his happiness in marriage? Ideally, he might well look for a girl:

Who is frank and dependable,

Whose family background has been such that she was reared in
a happy home,

Who is thoughtful and not beset by conflicts revolving around
her adjustments to the opposite sex,

Who is stable and self-sufficient and free from neuroticism,

Who is objective and free from excessive sensitiveness,

Who is friendly, kindly and considerate,

Who is coöperative in her relations with others,

Who is flexible and adaptable,

Who is steady and free from emotional behavior,

Who is tranquil and not easily irritated,

Who has average to high standards and ideals,

Who can be influenced by people who have sound ideas,

Who is somewhat extroverted and carefree.

All of these traits of course are not vital but it is advisable that she fit into the general pattern outlined above.

Next, what should a girl look for in a young man? Ideally, he should be a man:

Who is tranquil and not easily irritated,

Who is dependable and frank,

Who is objective and has feelings that are not easily hurt,

Who gets along easily with others,

Who is coöperative in group projects and likes to help people,

Who is cool and free from emotionality,

Who is concerned about what other people think of him,

Who was reared in a happy home,

Who is free of cares and has broad interests,

Who is fairly well contented with his lot in life,

Who can be influenced by others when their reasoning is sound.

The big question is how you can know if you and any prospective mate have qualities that make you good marriage risks. You will find in the next chapter ten tests that should provide the answer. They will record your rating on the nine traits we have just discussed, plus a rating on your family background.

_Chapter XI_

Test Your Mate and Yourself

Now you are going to take ten tests that will record how well qualified you are to marry. Your over-all score will indicate your chances of achieving a happy marriage, with whomever you may marry. These tests can be taken by either men or girls. And we suggest that after you take the tests you have your favorite date take them too. Then in the next chapter you can see how well you are matched.

In addition to scoring your desirability as a mate, the tests will help unveil for you your own personality. They will present you as you appear to other people. Be honest with yourself. There are no catch questions.

If you wish you can get a piece of paper to write your answers on. If you do this you will not mark up the book, nobody will know how you answered, and any other person taking the tests will not be influenced by your answers.

Don’t look up the correct answers until you have finished all the tests. After you have completed all ten tests you can then see how they should be scored. Some of these traits are more important to marriage happiness than others, and some are more important for one sex than the other. Be sure not to talk over any of the questions with anyone until after you have taken all the tests. Now go ahead, and work rapidly.

TRAIT I (Sociability)

Indicate the degree of your liking for each of the following
activities by drawing a circle around _M_ if you would like
it a great deal, around _S_ if you would have some liking for
it, around _L_ if you would have a little liking for it,
around _N_ if you would have practically no liking for it.

1. Introducing strangers at a party. M S L N
2. Entertaining a group of friends. M S L N
3. Raising money for a charity. M S L N
4. Taking part in some athletic contest. M S L N
5. Going on a picnic. M S L N
6. Playing games like golf, tennis, croquet, or darts. M S L N
7. Reading the sporting section of the newspaper. M S L N
8. Playing games like bridge, pinochle or Monopoly. M S L N
9. Keeping a pet, such as a cat or dog. M S L N
10. Attending a masquerade party. M S L N
11. Performing on the radio. M S L N
12. Being a delegate to a convention. M S L N
13. Making long-distance telephone calls to friends. M S L N
14. Preparing for an examination by studying with classmates. M S L N
15. Helping a stranded motorist change a tire. M S L N

TRAIT II (Conformity)

Fifteen experts, each of whom had won success in a different
field, were asked to give an opinion of the statements below.
At least eight or more of the experts marked each statement
below as true. Read each statement, and if you agree with the
experts that the statement is true, draw a circle around _A_.
If you agree but only with reservations, draw a circle around
_R_. If you disagree with the experts, draw a circle around
_D_.

1. Shows with scantily dressed performers should not be
permitted. A R D
2. No cultured person would ever use profanity. A R D
3. The right to vote should be given to persons of 18
years of age. A R D
4. No person except a law officer should be permitted to
own a pistol. A R D
5. No acceptable excuse can ever be made for suicide. A R D
6. Children owe their parents more than their parents
owe them. A R D
7. Few people would be better off dead than alive. A R D
8. Rich people are no happier than poor people. A R D
9. Natural resources should belong to individuals rather
than to the government. A R D
10. Parents can decently support and educate two children
in a city of 5000, with a total income of less than
$200 per month. A R D
11. Parents should be permitted to punish or whip their
children. A R D
12. Stealing cannot be excused on any grounds. A R D
13. Anything injurious to the human body, such as tobacco,
should be outlawed. A R D
14. Highly intelligent people are just as happy as average
people. A R D
15. The average person needs more mathematics than the
eighth grade provides. A R D

TRAIT III (Tranquillity)

Below is a list of the common annoyances which affect most
people to some extent. Indicate your degree of annoyance for
each of them by drawing a circle around _M_ if it annoys you
much, around _S_ if it annoys you some, around _L_ if it
annoys you a little, and around _N_ if it never annoys you.

1. To have stop light turn red as you drive up to it. M S L N
2. To drop an article when you have your arms full. M S L N
3. To have to stand up in a streetcar or bus. M S L N
4. To have to talk when you don’t feel like it. M S L N
5. To be interrupted when reading a very interesting story. M S L N
6. To have a casual visitor outstay his welcome. M S L N
7. To be detained when you are in a hurry. M S L N
8. To listen to radio when static is bad. M S L N
9. To have someone break an engagement at the last minute. M S L N
10. To be interrupted when you are talking. M S L N
11. To have someone read over your shoulder. M S L N
12. To miss a streetcar or bus. M S L N
13. To have movie film break at an exciting point. M S L N
14. To burn your mouth or tongue with hot food or beverage. M S L N
15. To be accidentally locked out of your car or home. M S L N

TRAIT IV (Dependability)

Of the statements below, draw a circle around _T_ for the
ones you believe to be usually true; draw a circle around _D_
for the ones whose truth you doubt; and draw a circle around
_F_ for the ones usually false.

1. Prohibition encouraged many people to drink who had
never drunk before. T D F
2. An unpopular person could often become popular by
lowering his standards of conduct. T D F
3. People who date a great deal before marriage often make
poor marriage mates. T D F
4. Students who are always taking the lead in class discussions
are usually trying to get attention. T D F
5. Policemen “bawl out” people largely to satisfy their own
sense of importance. T D F
6. People of high ideals usually have fewer friends than
individuals whose ideals are not of the highest. T D F
7. A person is often a failure because of very high ethics. T D F
8. The very pretty girl with little ability often is more
successful than the plain girl who has real ability. T D F
9. What you know is not so important to success as whom you
know. T D F
10. Getting the breaks is more important to success than being
well qualified. T D F
11. Few employees would loaf on the job if they were paid
sufficient wages. T D F
12. Man is powerless in the hands of fate. T D F
13. People often try to impress others by saying that they are
very fond of “highbrow” music and books. T D F
14. The law is harder on the poor man than on the rich man. T D F
15. The good “bluffer” succeeds nearly as well as the person
who can deliver the goods. T D F

TRAIT V (Stability)

Below is a list of the common fears that most people experience
to some extent. Indicate your degree of fear for each of these
things by drawing a circle around _M_ if you would usually have
considerable fear, around _S_ if you would usually have some
fear, around _L_ if you would have a little fear, and around
_N_ if you would usually feel no fear.

1. Being buried alive. M S L N
2. Being bitten by a snake while walking alone in the woods. M S L N
3. Being drowned at sea or while swimming. M S L N
4. Friends losing confidence in you because of untrue rumors. M S L N
5. Walking past graveyards alone late at night. M S L N
6. Having friends learn about your worst faults. M S L N
7. Touching mice, rats, worms, or lizards. M S L N
8. Losing your wife or sweetheart to somebody else. M S L N
9. Getting too deeply in debt or having financial misfortune. M S L N
10. Looking down from the edge of a precipice. M S L N
11. Being punished in the next world. M S L N
12. Elevator falling while descending from the top of a
skyscraper. M S L N
13. Losing your mind or becoming insane. M S L N
14. Losing your eyesight. M S L N
15. Listening to radio horror story late at night while
alone. M S L N

TRAIT VI (Standards and Ideals)

Indicate the degree of your dislike for each of the following
activities or things by drawing a circle around _M_ if you
would dislike it a great deal, around _S_ if you would
dislike it some, around _L_ if you would have a little
dislike for it, and around _N_ if you would have no dislike
for it.

1. A person who brags about his achievements. M S L N
2. Individuals who always put the blame on somebody else. M S L N
3. Storekeepers who never make mistakes except in
their favor. M S L N
4. Extreme pessimists or people who always expect the
worst. M S L N
5. A girl who is a gold-digger. M S L N
6. The person who “forgets” to pay his share of the check. M S L N
7. People who are never on time for appointments. M S L N
8. People who have little control over their tempers. M S L N
9. The girl who uses excessive make-up. M S L N
10. People who cheat on examinations. M S L N
11. Individuals who are careless and indifferent about
dress. M S L N
12. Radicals or reactionaries who impose their views upon
you. M S L N
13. Individuals who are always bored and never have a good
time. M S L N
14. A person who gambles for money. M S L N
15. Listening to scandalous gossip. M S L N

TRAIT VII (Steadiness)

Each word in capitals is followed by four words. Draw a
circle around the word that seems to you to go most naturally
with the word in capitals. Mark only one word in each line.

-------
For example: TRAVEL boat ship train | car |
-------

Here _car_ has been encircled. There are no right or wrong
answers. Work rapidly.

1. PAST yesterday forget sorrow hidden

2. SLEEP rest dream need together

3. IMMORAL vulgar person vile criminal

4. DREAM vision night trance romance

5. LOVE adore esteem worship yearn

6. BABY home future unwanted cost

7. LONELY solitary friendless miserable forsaken

8. DEBT obligation weight necessary nightmare

9. SWEETHEART love engaged wistful lost

10. MONEY currency pay lack urgent

11. ENEMY foe hated dangerous destroyed

12. FILTHY dirty disgusting mind body

13. PARENT home love depend strict

14. SIN wrong vice guilt black

15. REVOLTING distasteful repulsive loathsome degrading

TRAIT VIII (Flexibility)

Below is a list of activities or things. If you feel about
the same way toward them now that you did three or four years
ago, draw a circle around _S_. If you have partly changed
your feelings toward them, draw a circle around _P_. If your
feeling now is considerably different from your feeling three
or four years ago, draw a circle around _D_.

1. Pacifism. S P D
2. Labor unions. S P D
3. Less governmental supervision of business. S P D
4. Old-age pensions. S P D
5. Sit-down strikes. S P D
6. Socialization of medicine. S P D
7. Emphasis that colleges place upon activities. S P D
8. The Soviet Union. S P D
9. Distribution of wealth. S P D
10. Capital punishment. S P D
11. Sterilization of the feeble-minded. S P D
12. “Work-or-starve” relief legislation. S P D
13. Need for polls like the Gallup or _Fortune_ polls of
public opinion. S P D
14. Basing taxation on the ability to pay. S P D
15. Preferences for styles of homes. S P D

TRAIT IX (Seriousness)

Below is a list of topics which people consider to some
extent at one time or another. Will you indicate the degree
of thinking you have given each of them during the past
year by drawing a circle around _M_ if you have done much
thinking; around _S_ if you have done some thinking; around
_L_ if you have done a little thinking; and around _N_ if you
have done no thinking.

1. Responsibilities that parents and children should share. M S L N
2. Proper training of children. M S L N
3. Immoral influences of movies on children. M S L N
4. Smoking of cigarettes by girls and women. M S L N
5. Importance of regular saving of part of income. M S L N
6. Use of the atomic bomb in warfare. M S L N
7. Regular attendance of religious services. M S L N
8. The way or place to spend your vacation. M S L N
9. Stricter censorship of books and magazines. M S L N
10. Learning to dance, ski, skate, etc. M S L N
11. Punctuality on a job or regular class attendance. M S L N
12. Getting better grades at school or working for a
promotion. M S L N
13. The cost of living. M S L N
14. Life after death. M S L N
15. Automobile accidents caused by reckless driving. M S L N

TRAIT X (Family Background)

Be absolutely truthful in taking this test; try to be
objective and honest with yourself. Answer _Yes_ or _No_ if
possible; if you can’t decide _Yes_ or _No_, then circle the
question mark.

1. Were your own parents quite happily married? YES ? NO
2. Did you have a happy childhood? YES ? NO
3. Did you have a great deal of love and affection for
your mother? YES ? NO
4. Did you have a great deal of love and affection for
your father? YES ? NO
5. Did you get along well with your mother without any
serious conflict? YES ? NO
6. Did you get along well with your father without any
serious conflict? YES ? NO
7. Was your home discipline firm but not harsh? YES ? NO
8. Was the punishment that you received both mild and
infrequent? YES ? NO
9. Is your present attitude toward sex free from disgust
or aversion? YES ? NO
10. Was at least one of your parents easy to talk to, and
frank, about matters of sex? YES ? NO
11. Were you reared in either the country, a small town,
or the suburbs of a city? YES ? NO
12. Do you go to church three or four times (or more) every
month? YES ? NO
13. Are you regularly employed? YES ? NO
14. Do you have many friends of your own sex? YES ? NO
15. Do you belong to three or more social organizations? YES ? NO

_Directions for Scoring Your Tests_

Do _not_ read these scoring directions until after you have taken the tests. When you have marked the tests according to the directions, then you are ready to score them. Because all the tests are not scored in the same way, be sure you score them very carefully. After having done so, then turn to the _further_ directions, some of which apply to a man, some of which apply to a girl.

* * * * *

TEST FOR TRAIT I. For each item that you have marked _M_, give yourself three points; for each one that you marked _S_, give yourself two points; for each item that you marked _L_, give yourself one point. Items marked _N_ are counted zero. Then add these numbers up for your _total_ score on Trait I. For example, if you marked four of the fifteen items _M_, that would give you twelve points; let us say you also marked five items _S_, that would be five times two points, or ten more points; if you marked three items _L_, that would be another three points. That would leave three items that you marked _N_ for which you get no credit. Your total score on Trait I would then be 12 + 10 + 3 = 25 points.

* * * * *

TEST FOR TRAIT II. For each _A_ you marked, you get two points and for each _R_ you get one point. Items that you answered _D_ are counted zero. Add these up for your total score.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT III. The scoring is reversed on this test from that used for Trait I. On Trait III, _M_ is scored zero, each _S_ gets credit of one point, each _L_ gets credit of two points, and each _N_ gets credit of three points.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT IV. You marked the items on this test either, _T_, _D_, or _F_. Those you marked _T_ are scored zero. For each _D_ answer you get one point, and for each _F_ answer you get two points.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT V. Each marked _M_ gets zero credit, each _S_ gets one point, each _L_ gets two points, and each _N_ gets three points.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT VI. Each _M_ gets three points, each _S_ gets two points, each _L_ gets one point, and _N_ receives no credit.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT VII. This is the test in which four words come after each word in capitals. The first of the four words gets three points if circled, the second gets two points, the third word gets one point, and the last word receives no credit. Take the word PAST. If you marked it _yesterday_, or the word in the first column, you get three points; if _forget_ is circled instead you would get two points. If you marked it _hidden_, you get no credit for that word. Add all your points for your total score.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT VIII. The items in this test were marked _S_, _P_, or _D_. Items marked _S_ get no credit. For each item marked _P_, give yourself one point credit; for each item marked _D_, give yourself two points credit.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT IX. Each _M_ gets three points; each _S_, two points; each _L_, one point, each _N_ gets no credit.

* * * * *

TEST ON TRAIT X. In this test you were asked to mark your answers either _Yes_, _?_, or _No_. For each _Yes_, give yourself ten points; for each question mark, credit yourself with five points. You receive no credit for any question that you answered _No_.

If you have followed carefully the directions that have been given you, you now have ten separate raw scores, one for each of the ten traits on which you were tested. We are now ready to see what these scores mean. Using the little outline below, put down your scores.

YOUR RAW SCORE

TRAIT I ________ TRAIT VI ________
TRAIT II ________ TRAIT VII ________
TRAIT III ________ TRAIT VIII ________
TRAIT IV ________ TRAIT IX ________
TRAIT V ________ TRAIT X ________

NOW FIND YOUR ADJUSTED SCORE

If you are a man If you are a woman
TRAIT I ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT II ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT III ____ (Double raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT IV ____ (Double raw score) ____ (Multiply raw score
by 4)
TRAIT V ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Double raw score)
TRAIT VI ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT VII ____ (Double raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT VIII ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
TRAIT IX ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Double raw score)
TRAIT X ____ (Repeat raw score) ____ (Repeat raw score)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Total Score ____ (add the 10 scores) Total Score ____

Thus, if you were a man you repeated all of your original “raw” scores except in traits III, IV, and VII where you doubled the raw score. For example if your raw score on III was twenty-eight your adjusted score should be fifty-six. Likewise if you were a girl you repeated your raw scores in all but IV, V, and IX. You quadrupled the score on IV and doubled each of the other two.

_Interpretation of Your Final Adjusted Scores_

TRAIT I. If your score was thirty or above you would seem to be a very sociable person, quite fond of the company of others, one who has very broad interests, and who will probably enjoy talking things over with your mate. A score of twenty-five is about average. If your score is twenty or less, you are probably cautious about making friends, have rather specialized interests, and are not very talkative unless the topic is quite interesting to you. It may be wise, if you have a low score, to try to develop more friends, have more of a social life, and to get out of your shell.

* * * * *

TRAIT II. If your score was fifteen or more you are probably a conforming person, agreeable and poised. You tend to be coöperative even though you are positive and firm when your mind is made up. A score of eleven is average. If your score was eight or less, you may be bullheaded, domineering, and argumentative. It may be wise, if you have a low score, to try to remember that the other person has a right to his own opinion and that you may lose friends and make enemies unless you act more diplomatically.

* * * * *

TRAIT III. If your score was fifty-six or more if a man, or twenty-eight or more if a girl, you are probably a tranquil person who is not easily irritated or annoyed. You rarely “fly off the handle” or become impatient; this is particularly important if you are a man. A score of forty-six for a man or twenty-three for a girl is typical or average. If your score is thirty-six or less if a man or eighteen or less if a girl, you are probably an irritable person who is easily annoyed. You may lose your temper too easily and stay peeved too long. You should make an effort to control your temper and to think before you speak, especially when you are annoyed or provoked.

* * * * *

TRAIT IV. If your score is fifty or more if you are a man, or one hundred or more if you are a girl, you would seem to be a frank, dependable person who makes few excuses and who tries to face reality and do a good job. A score of forty for a man and eighty for a girl are average. If you are a man and have a score of thirty or less or are a girl and have a score of sixty or less, you tend to blame your mistakes on others, may shirk your responsibilities, exaggerate and daydream too much. If your score was low, you should try to improve, especially if you are a girl for whom this trait is quite crucial in marriage happiness. Try to be more honest with yourself and others; be less unreasonable, and stop being suspicious and resentful of people who do not think and act as you do.

* * * * *

TRAIT V. If you are a man and have a score of forty or more, or are a girl and have a score of eighty or more, you would appear to be a stable person, confident, and responsible. You can work with others or can work by yourself without getting lonely and depressed. An average score is thirty for a man or sixty for a woman. If you are a man and have a score of fifteen or less, or are a girl with a score of thirty or less, you may be unstable, nervous, and fearful. You may feel inferior at times and get blue and discouraged. You need to raise your opinion of yourself. Acquire more social skills, train yourself to be very good or expert in something like a sport or a hobby.

* * * * *

TRAIT VI. If your score was thirty or above, you would seem to have extremely high ideals and standards, especially if you are a man. While this is generally desirable, don’t permit yourself to become too intolerant or prejudiced about others. A score of twenty-five is average. A score of twenty or less is low and may indicate that you are too broadminded, too flexible and expedient in your standards and ideals. Watch this because you are not the sort of person who should let himself go. Keep a firm grip on yourself, and remember it is easier never to begin a bad habit than it is to break one.

* * * * *

TRAIT VII. If your score is eighty or more if you are a man, forty or more if you are a girl, you are probably a very objective person who thinks like most other people think. You are probably quite steady, look at things dispassionately, and are neither repressed nor hypercritical. A score of seventy for a man, or of thirty-five for a girl is average. A score of sixty or less for a man or of thirty or less for a girl may indicate that you are temperamental and emotional. You may, at times, appear peculiar and odd to your friends. You may be repressed. Associate as much as possible with others. Don’t be the first to suggest something different or the last to give in.

* * * * *

TRAIT VIII. If your score is twenty-two or more, you would seem to be a person whose attitudes and interests are flexible and adaptable especially if you are in the twenties. If you are in the thirties or forties a high score is probably less desirable than an average score. A score of thirteen is average. If your score is eight or less, you would seem to be a very persistent person whose attitudes and interests are so fixed and rigid that you may find it difficult to adjust readily in marriage. Especially would that seem to be the case if you are in the twenties.

* * * * *