Chapter XXVI: Part X: Personal Matters (1)

_Dress of Ladies--Dress of Gentlemen--Manners--Etiquette of
Society--Dinner Parties--Courtship--Marriage--The Ceremony--After
Marriage--Social Intercourse--"Our House," etc._

2386. _Importance of Dress._--Attention to personal appearance is a human duty as well as a required observance in civilized society.

2387. The following rules will be found useful in guiding the judgment and taste of those who desire to dress well.

DRESS OF LADIES.

2388. A young lady should always be neatly attired. A fresh-looking and well-fitting dress is more important than rich materials or showy ornaments.

2389. Never furbish up old finery, if you wish to appear really the lady. A clean, soft, white muslin gown is far more genteel than a tarnished brocade.

2390. _Colors and Complexions._--The great art, as regards colors of dress, is to enhance the tints of the complexion, care being taken to let the flesh appear of a healthy natural hue, and to avoid wearing those colors which heighten or destroy either the red, yellow, or white, in the natural flesh tints.

2391. _Primitive Colors._--Out of three primitive colors, red, blue, and yellow, there are endless mixtures and variations, and some of these can skillfully be adapted to any complexion; but to do so, these two rules must be observed: the rule of Harmony and of judicious Contrast.

2392. _Decided Colors_, or colors without mixture, are very unbecoming. A lady all _blue_ in dress would be more disagreeable than a real _bleu_.

2393. _Red_, and its dark variations, may be worn by dark persons, and will harmonize with their complexion.

2394. _Crimson and brilliant red_ are vulgar and unsuitable, but purple and dark maroon, worn by brunettes, and persons of a dark complexion, are both becoming and genteel, either in evening or winter dresses.

2395. _Blue_ is a becoming color to fair faces and blue eyes. It also looks well worn by brunettes, when the wearer is youthful.

2396. _Light blue_ is a beautiful color for spring dresses; dark blues look better in the autumn and winter.

2397. _Red Colors._--_Light red and pink_, approaching flesh tints, are becoming both to dark and to fair; to the former especially, because they, by contrast, set off the complexion.

2398. Fair persons venturing upon such dresses or trimmings by daylight, should have clear and excellent complexions, or the brightness of the color, from a similarity of tint, will make their faces appear dirty and clouded.

2399. _Chocolate colors_, and warm browns partaking of red, may be worn by either fair or dark persons, provided they be not too pale, in which case the contrast will render the face chalky or death-like.

2400. _Yellow_ in dress, as well as orange, is also more becoming to dark than to fair persons.

2401. _Primrose_ is becoming to fair persons. The trimmings of this color, the flowers and ribbons, should be violet, such contrast being agreeable to art and nature.

2402. _Maize_ color is becoming to all complexions, especially to those which are brilliant.

2403. _Grain_ is more becoming to fair than to dark persons, because in the fair complexion, brilliancy and depth of color are more frequently found.

2404. _Pale green_ should never be worn by the dark, it rendering them sickly and cadaverous in look. To those of a fair and brilliant complexion it is most becoming.

2405. _Trimmings._--For trimmings and flowers ladies cannot do better than to study nature, there being in the leaves of flowers every imaginable tint of green, whilst the flowers themselves are various in their hue.

2406. _Artificials_ should be few, and perfectly arranged. A load of flowers is a burden, not a beauty.

2407. The most elegant dresses are black or white.

2408. A vulgar girl wears bright and glaring colors, fantastically made, a large flaring, red, yellow, or sky-blue hat, covered with a rainbow of ribbons, and all the rings and trinkets she can load upon her.

2409. In any assemblage, the most plainly-dressed woman is sure to be the most lady-like and attractive. Neatness is better than richness, and plainness better than display.

2410. It is a general rule, applicable to both sexes, that persons are the best dressed when you cannot remember how they were dressed. Avoid every thing out of the way, uncommon, or grotesque.

2411. Single ladies dress less in fashionable society than married ones; and all more plainly and substantially for walking or traveling, than on other occasions.

2412. Common modesty should prevent indecent exposure of the shoulders and bosom.

2413. _Tight Lacing._--No woman who laces tight can have good shoulders, a straight spine, good lungs, sweet breath, or is fit to be a wife and mother.

2414. Can it be a pleasant sight to behold a woman cut in two in the middle, as it were, like a wasp? On the contrary, it is as shocking to the eye as it is painful to the imagination.

2415. Every thing that confines and lays nature under a restraint is an instance of bad taste. This is as true in regard to the ornaments of the body as to the embellishments of the mind.

2416. Life, health, reason, and convenience, ought to be taken first into consideration.

2417. Gracefulness cannot subsist without ease; delicacy is not debility; nor must a woman be sick in order to please.

2418. The distinction of the sexes, notwithstanding that it is so prominent and marked, still requires a distinctive dress. This has generally, by all nations, civilized or savage, been conceded.

2419. This difference has been so permanent, that any attempt to lessen it--and there have been many--has failed, and must fail whenever attempted.

2420. _Robes._--The outer garment of woman is, and has been for centuries, the robe or gown, and upon the proper choice, make, and disposition of this, and its concomitants, depends the elegance or inelegance of the wearer.

2421. The gown should fall gracefully from the hips, as free as possible from the odious "bustle" or "hoop." It should fall in long full folds, and expand gradually to the feet, which it should touch, but not entirely cover.

2422. _Flounces_ should only be worn by those of a tall, graceful figure, and then they should be made of a light material, gauze, muslin, or of stuff akin to it, so that they fall in gracefully with the outline of the dress. When made of any rich stuff, which stands out stiffly, they break the graceful flow of the dress.

2423. Flounces, by marking the height, at regular intervals, take away from it, and make a short figure look shorter. For this reason, short persons should not wear stripes running in parallel rings round the dress. Perpendicular stripes upon a dress make the wearer look taller, like the flutes in a composite.

2424. The rules which we have given for the color of the dress, must of course apply to the covering for the head; the colors must, to look well, contrast or harmonize with the complexion.

2425. Texture, material, and pattern, should suit, not only the taste, but also the purse. There are few greater evils in this country than an inordinate passion for dress.

2426. No one looks so well dressed as those who are dressed properly, neatly, and whose attire sets them at their ease. A lady who is so over-dressed as to be constantly afraid of spoiling her gown, can never be graceful, since she cannot be at her ease.

2427. _The hair_ should always be neatly brushed and arranged.

2428. _Ringlets_ make round faces look longer, and more oval; plain bands make the face which is too long, lose part of that length. This should be studied. It is manifestly absurd to render oneself hideous merely to follow the fashion.

2429. The dress of the foot is important both for beauty and health.

2430. Thus, a thin shoe in winter would be vulgar, because useless and dangerous to the wearer's health, and a thick boot in summer would be _gauche_ and vulgar.

2431. _Boots and shoes_ should be well, nay, scientifically made. The foot should be fitted well, but not compressed.

2432. Modern boots and shoes are therefore often made narrow, just where they should be wide; and the foot, instead of being beautiful in shape, and graceful in its action, becomes long, narrow, distorted, and ungraceful when used.

2433. _Gloves_ must be fresh and well-fitting to make the dress perfect.

2434. Ladies' dresses should be chosen so as to produce an agreeable harmony.

2435. Never put on a dark-colored bonnet with a light spring costume.

2436. Avoid uniting colors which will suggest an epigram; such as a straw-colored dress with a green bonnet.

2437. The arrangement of the hair is most important.

2438. Bands are becoming to faces of a Grecian caste.

2439. Ringlets better suit lively and expressive heads.

2440. Whatever be your style of face, avoid an excess of lace, and let flowers be few and choice.

2441. In a married woman, a richer style of ornament is admissible.

2442. Costly elegance for the married--for the young girl, a style of modest simplicity.

2443. The most elegant dress loses its character if it is not worn with grace.

2444. Young girls have often an air of constraint, and their dress seems to partake of their want of ease.

2445. In speaking of her toilet, a woman should not convey the idea that her whole skill consists in adjusting tastefully some trifling ornaments.

2446. A simple style of dress is an indication of modesty.

2447. _Neatness._--The hands should receive special attention. They are the outward signs of general cleanliness. The same may be said of the face, the neck, the ears, and the teeth.

2448. The cleanliness of the system generally, and of bodily apparel, pertains to Health, and will be treated of under this head.

2449. _The Handkerchief._--There is considerable art in using this accessory of dress and comfort.

2450. Avoid extreme patterns, styles, and colors.

2451. Never be without a handkerchief.

2452. Hold it freely in the hand, and do not roll it into a ball. Hold it by the centre, and let the corners form a fan-like expansion.

2453. Avoid using it too much. With some persons the habit becomes troublesome and unpleasant.

2454. _A word to Young Ladies._--If you have blue eyes, you need not languish.

2455. If black eyes, you need not stare.

2456. If you have pretty feet, there is no occasion to wear short petticoats.

2457. If you are doubtful as to that point, there can be no harm in letting them be long.

2458. If you have good teeth, do not laugh for the purpose of showing them.

2459. If you have bad ones, do not laugh less than the occasion may justify.

2460. If you have pretty hands and arms, there can be no objection to your playing on the harp, if you play well.

2461. If they are disposed to be clumsy, work tapestry.

2462. If you have a bad voice, speak in a rather low tone.

2463. If you have the finest voice in the world, never speak in a high tone.

2464. If you dance well, dance but seldom.

2465. If you dance ill, never dance at all.

2466. If you sing well, make no previous excuses.

2467. If you sing indifferently, hesitate not a moment when you are asked, for few people are judges of singing, but every one is sensible of a desire to please.

2468. If you would preserve beauty, rise early.

2469. If you would preserve esteem, be gentle.

2470. If you would obtain power, be condescending.

2471. If you would live happy, endeavor to promote the happiness of others.

DRESS OF A GENTLEMAN.

2472. Since dress is, with the world, the outward sign of both character and condition: and since it costs no more to dress well than ill, and is not very troublesome, every one should endeavor to do the best that his circumstances will allow.

2473. _The Shirt._--A clean, unrumpled shirt, coarse or fine, cotton or linen, as you can afford, is of the first importance. If the choice is between a fine shirt or a fine coat, have the shirt by all means.

2474. _Fine Linen_, and a good hat, gloves and boots are evidences of the highest taste in dress.

2475. A gentleman walking should always wear gloves, this being one of the characteristics of good breeding.

2476. Upon public and State occasions, officers should appear in uniform.

2478. A black coat and trowsers are indispensable for a visit of ceremony, an entertainment, or a ball.

2479. The white or black waistcoat is equally proper in these cases.

2480. Yellow or white gloves are worn in the ball-room.

2481. A neat exterior, equally free from extravagance and poverty, almost always proclaims a right-minded man.

2482. To dress appropriately, and with good taste, is to respect yourself and others.

2483. _Neatness._--A well-bred man may be ever so reduced in his wardrobe--his clothes may be coarse and threadbare, but he seldom wears a coarse, and never a dirty shirt.

2484. _The Boots._--Boots are now men's common wear on all occasions, varying in elegance for different purposes. They should always be clean, and invariably well blackened and polished.

2485. _The Hat._--Make a point of buying a good hat. One proper fur hat, worth four or five dollars, when a year old, looks more respectable than a silk one bought yesterday.

2486. Of the trowsers little need be said. When full at the bottom they serve to hide a large foot. If colored trowsers are worn, those patterns should be chosen which conform to the rules of taste. Bars running across the legs should be avoided, and also all large staring patterns.

2487. _The Vest_ allows of some fancy, but beware of being too fanciful. A black satin is proper for any person or any occasion. Nothing is more elegant than pure white. Some quiet colors may be worn for variety, but beware of every thing staring or glaring, in materials or trimmings.

2488. Avoid all singularity in dress; never wear gaudy waistcoats, out-of-the-way hats, or coats of the extreme of "sporting fashion:" such things are positively odious.

2489. We may add a few general maxims, applied to both sexes.

2490. "All affectation in dress," says Chesterfield, "implies a flaw in the understanding." One should therefore avoid being singular, or eccentric.

2491. Never dress against any one. Choose those garments which suit you, and look well upon you, perfectly irrespective of the fact that a lady or gentleman in the same village or street may excel you.

2492. When dressed for company, strive to appear as easy and natural as if you were in undress.

2493. Dress according to your age. It is both painful and ridiculous to see an old lady dressed as a belle of four-and-twenty; or an old fellow, old enough for a grandfather, affecting the costume and the manners of a _beau_.

2494. Young men should be _well_ dressed. Not foppishly, but neatly and well. An untidy person at five-and-twenty, degenerates, very frequently, into a sloven and a boor at fifty.

2495. Be not too negligent, nor too studied, in your attire.

2496. Let your behavior and conversation suit the clothes you wear, so that those who know you may feel that, after all, dress and external appearance is the least portion of a LADY OR GENTLEMAN.

MANNERS.

2497. It is sometimes objected to books upon etiquette, that they cause those who consult them to act with mechanical restraint, and to show in society that they are governed by arbitrary rules, rather than by an intuitive perception of what is graceful and polite.

2498. This objection is unsound, because it supposes that people who study the theory of etiquette, do not also exercise their powers of observation in society, and obtain, by their intercourse with others, that freedom and ease of deportment, which society alone can impart.

2499. Books upon etiquette are useful, inasmuch as that they expound the laws of polite society. Experience alone, however, can give effect to the precise _manner_ in which those laws are required to be observed.

2500. Whatever objections may be raised to the teachings of works upon etiquette, there can be no sound argument against a series of simple and brief hints, which shall operate as precautions against mistakes in personal conduct.

2501. Avoid intermeddling with the affairs of others. This is a most common fault.

2502. A number of people seldom meet but they begin discussing the affairs of some one who is absent. This is not only uncharitable but positively unjust. It is equivalent to trying a _cause in the absence of the person implicated_.

2503. Even in the criminal code, a prisoner is presumed to be innocent until he is found guilty. Society, however, is less just, and passes judgment without hearing the defense.

2504. Depend upon it, as a certain rule, _that the people who unite with you in discussing the affairs of others, will proceed to scandalize you the moment that you depart_.

2505. Be consistent in the avowal of principles. Do not deny to-day, that which you asserted yesterday. You may fancy that you gain favor by subserviency; but so far from gaining favor, you lose respect.

2506. Avoid falsehood. There can be found no higher virtue than that of truth.

2507. Be honest. Not only because "honesty is the best policy," but because it is a duty to God and to man.

2508. Avoid idleness--it is the parent of many evils. Can you pray, "Give us this day our daily bread," and not hear the reply, "Do thou this day thy daily duty?"

2509. Avoid telling idle tales, which is like firing arrows in the dark; you know not into whose heart they may fall.

2510. Avoid talking about yourself; praising your own works; and proclaiming your own deeds. If they are good, they will proclaim themselves; if bad, the less you say of them the better.

2511. Be kind in little things.

2512. The true generosity of the heart is more displayed by deeds of minor kindness, than by acts which may partake of ostentation.

2513. Reason is given for man's guidance. Passion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of passion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed.

2514. A moment's passion has frequently cut off a life's friendship, destroyed a life's hope, imbittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace.

2515. Avoid pride. If you are handsome, God made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, God gave you what you own.

2516. The best men throughout all history, have been the most humble.

2517. Affectation is a form of pride. It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Affectation is usually the fault of weak people.

2518. Avoid swearing. An oath is but the wrath of a perturbed spirit.

2519. It is _mean_. A man of high moral standing would rather treat an offense with contempt, than show his indignation by an oath.

2520. It is _vulgar_: altogether too low for a decent man.

2521. It is _cowardly_: implying a fear of either not being believed or obeyed.

2522. It is _ungentlemanly_. A gentleman, according to Webster, is a _genteel man_--well-bred, refined.

2523. It is _indecent_: offensive to delicacy, and extremely unfit for human ears.

2524. It is _foolish_. "Want of decency is want of sense."

2525. It is _abusive_--to the mind which conceives the oath, to the tongue which utters it, and to the person at whom it is aimed.

2526. It is _venomous_, showing a man's heart to be as a nest of vipers; and every time he swears, one of them starts out from his head.

2527. It is _contemptible_--forfeiting the respect of all the wise and good.

2528. It is _wicked_: violating the Divine law, and provoking the displeasure of Him who will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

2529. Be a gentleman. Swear not at all.

2530. Moderation, decorum, and neatness, distinguish the gentleman; he is at all times affable, diffident, and studious to please. Intelligent and polite, his behavior is pleasant and graceful.

2531. Appear only to be a gentleman, and its shadow will bring upon you contempt; be a gentleman, and its honors will remain even after you are dead.

2532. The foregoing remarks may be said to apply to the moral conduct, rather than to the details of personal manners.

2533. Great principles, however, suggest minor ones; and hence from the principles laid down, many hints upon personal behavior may be gathered.

2534. Be hearty in your salutations.

2535. Be true in your professions.

2536. Discreet and sincere in your friendships.

2537. Like to listen rather than to talk.

2538. Behave, even in the presence of your relations, as though you felt respect to be due to them.

2539. In society never forget that you are but one of many.

2540. Visiting a friend, conform to the rules of his home.

2541. Lean not upon his tables, nor rub your feet against his chairs.

2542. Pry not into letters that are not your own.

2543. Pay unmistakable respect to ladies everywhere.

2544. Beware of foppery and of silly flirtation.

2545. In public places, be not pertinacious of your rights.

2546. Find pleasure in making concessions.

2547. Speak distinctly.

2548. Look at the person to whom you speak.

2549. When you have spoken, give him an opportunity to reply.

2550. Avoid drunkenness as you would a curse; and modify all appetites, especially those that are acquired.

2551. Dress well, but not superfluously.

2552. Be neither like a sloven, nor like a stuffed model.

2553. Keep away all uncleanly appearances from the person. Let the nails, the teeth, and in fact, the whole system receive _salutary_ rather than _studied_ care. But let these things receive attention at the toilet--not elsewhere.

2554. Avoid displaying excess of jewelry. Nothing looks more effeminate upon a man.

2555. Every one of these suggestions may be regarded as the centre of many others, which the earnest mind can not fail to discover.

2556. Avoid envy, for it can not benefit you, nor can it injure those against whom it is cherished.

2557. Avoid disputation, for the mere sake of argument.

2558. Be sociable; avoid reserve in society.

2559. Remember that the social elements, like the air we breathe, are purified by motion. Thought illumines thought, and smiles win smiles.

2560. Be punctual. One minute too late has lost many a golden opportunity. Besides which, the want of punctuality is an affront offered to the person to whom your presence is due.

2561. Be polite. Politeness is the poetry of conduct--and like poetry it has many qualities.

2562. Let not your politeness be too florid, but of that gentle kind which indicates refined nature.

2563. It is true, indeed, that we should not dissemble and flatter in company; but a man may be very agreeable, strictly consistent with truth and sincerity, by a prudent silence where he can not concur, and a pleasing assent where he can.

2564. Now and then you meet with a person so exactly formed to please, that he will gain upon every one that hears or beholds him; this disposition is not merely the gift of nature, but frequently the effect of much knowledge of the world, and a command over the passions.

2565. _Ceremonies._--All ceremonies are in themselves very silly things; but, yet a man of the world should know them. They are the outworks of manners and decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not for that defense which keeps the enemy at a proper distance.

2566. _Therefore_ always treat fools and coxcombs with great ceremony, true good-breeding not being a sufficient barrier against them.

2567. _Agreeableness._--The true art of being agreeable is to appear well-pleased with all the company, and rather to seem well entertained with them than to bring entertainment to them.

2568. Eschew personalities and personal adventures; nothing is more tedious than one who is addicted to talk prodigiously about himself.

2569. Never, in a mixed company, speak disrespectfully of woman.

2570. Treat your parents with the greatest possible respect. Restrain yourself even from smiling at their foibles, or their weaknesses. Obey them, even should you yourself be of mature age.

2571. To restrain your desire for indulgences is not only well bred, but it is heroic; much good results from it. Watch well the little sins, and you will escape those which are more gross. This applies, not only to morals, but to the minor morals--the manners.

2572. A badly-tempered man, and he who has no command over his passions, will rarely become a polished gentleman.

2573. If you have children, be careful to behave well before them. Remember that the child naturally and easily imitates the actions of his parent, be they good or evil.

2574. Any thing which is essentially out of place is vulgar. Thus, an over familiarity with servants is vulgar, because it is out of place, and can only lead to a bad result.

RULES OF ETIQUETTE.

2575. In walking with a gentleman, the step of the lady must be lengthened, and his shortened, to prevent the hobbling appearance of not keeping step.

2576. Of course, the conversation of a stranger, beyond asking a necessary question, must be considered as a gross insult, and repelled with proper spirit.

2577. Having dressed yourself, pay no further attention to your clothes. Few things look worse than a continual fussing with your attire.

2578. Never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails, or worse than all, pick your nose in company; all these things are disgusting. Spit as little as possible, and never upon the floor.

2579. Do not lounge on sofas, nor tip back your chair, nor elevate your feet.

2580. If you are going into the company of ladies, beware of onions, spirits, and tobacco.

2581. If you can sing or play, do so at once when requested, without requiring to be pressed, or make a fuss.

2582. On the other hand, let your performance be brief, or, if ever so good, it will be tiresome.

2583. When a lady sits down to the pianoforte, some gentleman should attend her, arrange the music-stool, and turn over the leaves.

2584. Do not make yourself too conspicuous in those attentions. The lady, not the gentleman, is the performer.

2585. Never tattle, nor repeat in one society any scandal or personal matter you hear in another.

2586. Give your own opinion of people, if you please, but never repeat that of others.

2587. Meeting an acquaintance among strangers in the street or a coffee-house, never address him by name. It is vulgar and annoying.

2588. It is not considered fashionable to introduce two persons who accidentally meet in your parlor, and who are paying you a morning visit.

2589. Never introduce in the street, unless the third person joins and walks with you. You may make an exception to this rule when the parties are mutually desirous of knowing one another.

2590. When a gentleman is presented to a lady, if she is in her own house and desires to welcome him, she may shake hands with him; but on any other occasion, unless the gentleman is venerable, or the bosom friend of the husband or father, this practice is reprehensible.

2591. A lady is at liberty either to take another lady or a gentleman to pay a morning visit to a friend, without asking permission; but she should never allow a gentleman the same liberty.

2592. A lady who is invited to an evening assembly may always request a gentleman who has not been invited by the lady of the house, to accompany her.

2593. If you are walking with one lady, do not stop to converse with others who are unknown to her; as she must necessarily feel unpleasant; but, if with a gentleman, you may do as you please.

2594. _Visits and Presentations._--Friendship calls should be made in the forenoon, and require neatness, without costliness of dress.

2595. Calls to give invitations to dinner parties, or balls, should be very short, and should be paid in the afternoon.

2596. Visits of condolence require a grave style of dress.

2597. A formal visit should never be made before noon. If a second visitor is announced, it will be proper for you to retire, unless you are very intimate, both with the host and the visitor announced; unless, indeed, the host expresses a wish for you to remain.

2598. Visits after balls or parties should be made within a month.

2599. In the latter, it is customary to enclose your card in an envelope, bearing the address outside. This may be sent by post, if you reside at a distance. But, in the neighborhood, it is polite to send your servant, or to call. In the latter case, a corner should be turned down.

2600. Scrape your shoes and use the mat.

2601. When a new visitor enters a drawing-room, if it be a gentleman, the ladies bow slightly; if a lady, the guests rise.

2602. Hold your hat in your hand, unless requested to place it down. Then lay it beside you.

2603. The last arrival in a drawing-room takes a seat left vacant near the mistress of the house.

2604. A lady is not required to rise on receiving a gentleman, nor to accompany him to the door.

2605. When your visitor retires, ring the bell for the servant. You may then accompany your guest as far toward the door as the circumstances of your friendship seem to demand.

2606. Request the servant, during the visit of guests, to be ready to attend to the door the moment the bell rings.

2607. When you introduce a person pronounce the name distinctly, and say whatever you can to make the introduction agreeable. Such as "an old and valued friend," a "school-fellow of mine," "an old acquaintance of our family."

2608. Never stare about you in a room as if you were taking stock.

2609. The gloves should not be removed during a visit.

2610. Be hearty in your reception of guests. And where you see much diffidence, assist the stranger to throw it off.

2611. A lady does not put her address on her visiting card.

2612. In all your associations, keep constantly in view the adage, "too much freedom breeds contempt."

2613. Never be guilty of practical jokes; if you accustom yourself to them, it is probable you will become so habituated as to commit them upon persons who will not allow of such liberties: I have known a duel to arise from a slap on the back.

2614. If there be another chair in the room, do not offer a lady that from which you have just risen.

2615. Always suspect the advances of any person who may wish for your acquaintance, and who has had no introduction: circumstances may qualify this remark, but as a general principle, acquaintances made in a public room or place of amusement are not desirable.

2616. Never converse while a person is singing; it is an insult not only to the singer, but to the company.

2617. The essential part of good breeding is the practical desire to afford pleasure, and to avoid giving pain. Any man possessing this desire, requires only opportunity and observation to make him a gentleman.

2618. Always take off your hat when handing a lady to her carriage, or the box of a theatre, or a public room.

2619. If, in a public promenade, you pass and repass persons of your acquaintance, it is only necessary to salute them on the first occasion.

2620. Do not affect singularity of dress by wearing any thing that is so conspicuous as to demand attention; and particularly avoid what I believe I must call the ruffian style.

2621. Never lose your temper at cards, and particularly avoid the exhibition of anxiety or vexation at want of success.

2622. If you are playing whist, not only keep your temper, but hold your tongue; any intimation to your partner is decidedly ungentlemanly.

2623. Let presents to a young lady be characterized by taste, not remarkable for intrinsic value.

2624. Except under very decided circumstances, it is both ungentlemanly and dangerous to _cut_ a person: if you wish to rid yourself of any one's society, a cold bow in the street, and particular ceremony in the circles of your mutual acquaintance, is the best mode of conduct to adopt.

2625. Never introduce your own affairs for the amusement of a company; it shows a sad want of mental cultivation, or excessive weakness of intellect.

2626. Recollect, also, that such a discussion cannot be interesting to others, and that the probability is that the most patient listener is a complete gossip, laying the foundation for some tale to make you appear ridiculous.

2627. When you meet a gentleman with whom you are acquainted, you bow, raising your hat slightly with the left hand, which leaves your right at liberty to shake hands if you stop.

2628. If the gentleman is ungloved, you must take off yours, not otherwise.

2629. Meeting a lady, the _rule_ is that she should make the first salute, or at least indicate by her manner that she recognizes you.

2630. Your bow must be lower, and your hat carried further from your head: but you never offer to shake hands; that is _her_ privilege.

2631. The right, being the post of honor, is given to superiors and ladies, except in the street, when they take the wall, as furthest from danger from passing carriages, in walking with or meeting them.

2632. In walking with a lady, you are not bound to recognize gentlemen with whom she is not acquainted, nor have they, in such a case, any right to salute, much less to speak to you.

2633. Whenever or wherever you stand, to converse with a lady, or while handing her into or out of a carriage, keep your hat in your hand.

2634. Should her shoe become unlaced, or her dress in any manner disordered, fail not to apprize her of it, respectfully, and offer your assistance. A gentleman may hook a dress or lace a shoe with perfect propriety, and should be able to do so gracefully.

2635. Whether with a lady or gentleman, a street talk should be a short one; and in either case, when you have passed the customary compliments, if you wish to continue the conversation, you must say, "Permit me to accompany you."

2636. Don't sing, hum, whistle, or talk to yourself, in walking. Endeavor, besides being well dressed, to have a calm good-natured countenance. A scowl always begets wrinkles.

2637. It is best not to smoke at all in public, and none but a ruffian in grain will inflict upon society the odor of a bad cigar, or that of any kind on ladies.

2638. Ladies are not allowed, upon ordinary occasions, to take the arm of any one but a relative or an accepted lover in the street, and in the day time; but in the evening--in the fields, or in a crowd, wherever she may need protection--she should not refuse it.

2639. The lady should pass her hand over the gentleman's arm merely, but should not walk at arm's length apart, as country girls sometimes do.

DINNER PARTIES.

2640. We will begin with the invitation, the reply to which you will make at once, for obvious reasons, and address it to the mistress of the house.

2641. If you accept, arrive at the house very punctually, not too late nor too early, both are inconvenient, but the latter irreparable. Get there, therefore, a little before the time, and wait till the precise moment before knocking.

2642. If you arrive by some accident a great deal too late, do not disturb the party by going in; send your card and an apology from some neighboring place.

2643. The host, if attentive, will point out to gentlemen the ladies whom he wishes them to conduct to table--always follow his directions.

2644. If either at dinner or at supper he should offer you the place of honor, never refuse it. To do so, as some do, is to show a pretended modesty; it keeps the rest of the company standing, and is vulgar in the extreme.

2645. The great requisites in the office of host are to be a good carver (if they carve at table), a calm temper, and a wish to place every one perfectly at his ease.

2646. The company should be so arranged that each lady will have some gentleman at her side, to assist her. Of course, it is every gentleman's duty, first of all to see that ladies near him are attended to.

2647. The lady of the house sits at the head of the table, and the gentleman opposite, at the foot. The place of honor for gentlemen, is on each side of the mistress of the house--for ladies, on each side of the master.

2648. When napkins are provided, they are at once carefully unfolded, and laid on the knees.

2649. Observe, if grace is to be said, and keep a proper decorum. If soup is served, take a piece of bread in the left hand, and the spoon in the right, and sip noiselessly from the side of the spoon.

2650. Do not take two plates of the same kind of soup, and never tip up the plate.

2651. When regular courses are served, the next dish is fish. If silver or wide-pronged forks are used, eat with the fork in the right hand--the knife is unnecessary.

2652. If dishes are carved by the servants, they must be taken to a sideboard from the proper position on the table, as they are required.

2653. Take whatever is given you if you intend to eat it; do not offer it to your neighbor, and begin at once to eat. The stiff formality of waiting till, as it were, all have a fair start, is vulgar in the extreme.

2654. Attend to the wants of the lady who sits next to you, but do not watch her plate or use any offensive vulgarism.

2655. The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his guests will take it for granted that any thing found at his table is excellent.

2656. The host must not relinquish his knife or fork till his guests have finished.

2657. It is not usual to drink wine with any of the company present; if you, however, find it the custom where you dine, adopt it at once. Champagne is drunk between the meats and the dessert.

2658. Never address a servant, nor ever speak _of_ one at dinner.

2659. Should a gentleman send you wine at a public table, or ask the honor of a glass with you, observe when he raises his glass, and do the same, bowing, whether you drink or not.

2660. As a general rule, in helping any one at table, never use a knife when you can use a spoon.

2661. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side.

2662. If you should have to carve and help a joint, do not load a person's plate--it is vulgar; also in serving soup, one ladleful to each plate is sufficient.

2663. Eat peas with a dessert spoon, and curry also. Tarts and puddings are to be eaten with a spoon.

2664. After the dinner, a rose-water dish is passed round; dip a corner of your napkin in it, and refresh your mouth and hands. Finger-glasses are not in vogue.

2665. Be careful not to drink too much wine; and join the ladies in the drawing-room as quickly as possible.

2666. Ladies, although allowed a great latitude of dress at dinner-parties, should never be extravagantly fine.

BALLS AND EVENING PARTIES.

2667. An invitation to a ball should be given _at least_ a week beforehand.

2668. Upon entering, first address the lady of the house; and after her, the nearest acquaintances you may recognize in the house.

2669. If you introduce a friend, make him acquainted with the names of the chief persons present. But first present him to the lady of the house, and to the host.

2670. Appear in full dress.

2671. Always wear gloves.

2672. Do not wear rings on the outside of your gloves.

2673. Avoid an excess of jewelry.

2674. Do not select the same partner frequently.

2675. Distribute your attention as much as possible.

2676. Pay respectful attention to elderly persons.

2677. Be cordial when serving refreshments, but not importunate.

2678. If there are more dancers than the room will accommodate, do not join in every dance.

2679. In leaving a large party, it is unnecessary to bid farewell, and improper to do so before the guests.

2680. A Paris card of invitation to an evening party usually implies that you are invited for the season.

2681. The host and hostess should look after their guests, and not confine their attentions. They should, in fact, assist those chiefly who are the least known in the room.

2682. Avoid political and religious discussions. If you have a "hobby," keep it to yourself.

2683. After dancing, conduct your partner to a seat.

2684. Resign her as soon as her next partner advances.

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.

2685. No union should be undertaken until both of the contracting parties are fully acquainted with each other's disposition.

2686. If either man or woman are subject to indulge in any foible, or known vice, such as irritability, idleness, love of scandal, drunkenness, or worse, he or she should not marry till that vice is conquered.

2687. When before union there is an unreasonable, absurd, and romantic degree of affection, that marriage will probably be an unhappy one.

2688. When a woman knows a man to be addicted to any known self-indulgence, or to that which the world too frequently calls pleasure, she should discountenance him.

2689. Position in society is frequently reckoned as more than an equivalent for riches. Yet neither a wise man nor woman will seek to marry greatly out of their sphere of life.

2690. When you are going to marry, do not expect more from life than life will afford.

2691. For acquirements, look more to solid knowledge, either in wife or husband, than to accomplishments.

2692. When a young man admires a lady, and thinks her society necessary to his happiness, it is proper, before committing himself, or inducing the object of his admiration to do so, to apply to her parents or guardians for permission to address her; this is a becoming mark of respect, and the circumstances must be very peculiar, which would justify a deviation from this course.

2693. Young men frequently amuse themselves by playing with the feelings of young women. They visit them often, they walk with them, they pay them divers attentions, and after giving them an idea that they are attached to them, they either leave them, or, what is worse, never come to an explanation of their sentiments. This is to act the character of a "dangler," a character truly dastardly and infamous.

2694. In case of rejection, the gentleman should at once, unless under peculiar circumstances, abstain from his suit. Unless he does so, his conduct becomes persecuting.

2695. Ladies should never, by the slightest familiarity, encourage any one whom they would object to marry.

2696. Rejection should be courteous, definite, and decisive; but couched in a manner that, whilst it deprives the suitor of hope, inflicts no pain.

2697. Engaged people should avoid compliments in company.

2698. A proposal being made, the lady should first signify her own willingness, and then refer her suitor to her parents.

2699. In public, or in company, the conduct of lovers should be guarded. Avoid all show of extreme preference. Neither caress nor chide before others.

2700. Letters, trinkets, and presents, when engagements are broken off, are always returned by both parties.

2701. Long engagements are dangerous.

2702. If a gentleman does not intend to marry a lady, he has no right to make his attentions peculiar. He should consider her true interest, and he would not trifle with her affections.

2703. _Love's Telegraph._--If a gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the _first_ finger of the left hand; if he is engaged, he wears it on the _second_ finger; if married, on the _third_; and on the _fourth_, if he never intends to be married.

2704. When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or diamond on her _first_ finger; if engaged, on the _second_; if married, on the _third_; and on the _fourth_, if she intends to die a maid.

2705. When a gentleman presents a fan, flower, or trinket, to a lady with the _left_ hand, this on his part, is an overture of regard; should she receive it with the _left_ hand, it is considered as an acceptance of his esteem; but if with the _right_ hand, it is a refusal of the offer.

2706. Thus, by a few simple tokens, explained by rule, the passion of love is expressed: and, through the medium of the telegraph, the most timid and diffident man may, without difficulty, communicate his sentiments of regard to a lady, and in case his offer should be refused, avoid experiencing the mortification of an explicit refusal.

2707. _Marriage Ceremony._--Weddings are everywhere accompanied with some degree of ceremony, and are usually considered as occasions of festivity.

2708. The preliminaries having been arranged by the contracting parties, and the lady having named the happy day, preparations are made for the wedding.

2709. Those who belong to the Episcopal and Roman Catholic churches are usually married at church, in the morning, and by the prescribed forms.

2710. In some cases there is a wedding-party given in the evening; in others, the happy couple make a short wedding tour, and issue cards of invitation on their return.

2711. Where a wedding is celebrated in the usual forms, cards of invitation are issued at least a week beforehand.

2712. The hour selected is usually eight o'clock, P. M.

2713. Wedding cakes, wines, and other refreshments are provided by the bride and her friends for the occasion.

2714. The bride is usually dressed in pure white--she wears a white vail, and her head is crowned with a wreath of white flowers, usually artificial; and orange blossoms are preferred.

2715. She should wear no ornaments but such as her intended husband or her father may present her for the occasion--certainly no gift, if any such were retained, of any former sweetheart.

2716. The bridesmaid, or bridesmaids, if there be two, or more, are generally younger than the bride, and should also be dressed in white, but more simply.

2717. The bridegroom must be in full dress, that is, he must wear a dress coat, which if he pleases, may be faced with white satin; a white satin vest, black pantaloons, and dress boots or pumps, black silk stockings, and white kid gloves, and a white cravat.

2718. The bridegroom is attended by one or two, or more, groomsmen, who should be dressed in a similar manner.

2719. It is the duty of the bridesmaids to assist in dressing the bride, and making the necessary preparations for the entertainment of the guests.

2720. The chief groomsman engages the clergyman or magistrate, and upon his arrival introduces him to the bride and bridegroom, and the friends of the parties.

2721. The invited guests, upon their arrival, are received as at other parties, and after visiting the dressing-rooms, and arranging their toilettes, they proceed to the room where the ceremony is to be performed.

2722. In some cases the marriage is performed before the arrival of the guests.

2723. When the hour for the ceremony has arrived, and all things are ready, the wedding party, consisting of the happy couple, with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, walk into the room arm in arm.

2724. The groomsmen, each attending the bridesmaids, precede the bride and bridegroom, and take their position at the head of the room, which is usually the end furthest from the entrance; the bride standing facing the assembly on the left of the bridegroom--the bridesmaids taking their position at her left, and the groomsmen at the right of the bridegroom.

2725. The principal groomsman now formally introduces the clergyman or magistrate to the bride and bridegroom, and he proceeds to perform the marriage ceremony; if a ring is to be used, the bridegroom procures a plain gold one, previously taking some means to have it of the proper size.

2726. As soon as the ceremony is over, and the bridegroom has kissed the bride, the clergyman or magistrate shakes hands with the bride, saluting her by her newly-acquired name, as Mrs. ----, and wishes them joy, prosperity and happiness.

2727. Then the groomsmen and bridesmaids do the same; and then the principal groomsmen brings to them the other persons in the room, commencing with the parents and relatives of the parties, the bride's relatives having precedence, and ladies being accompanied by gentlemen.

2728. In this manner, all present are expected to make their salutations and congratulations, first to the newly-married couple, and then to their parents and friends.

2729. And where the wedding ceremony has been performed before the arrival of the guests, they are received near the door, having, of course, first visited the dressing-rooms, and are introduced in the same manner.

2730. The groomsman takes occasion, before the clergyman or magistrate leaves, to privately thank him for his attendance, at the same time placing in his hand the marriage fee, which is wrapped up nicely in paper, and if more than the legal sum, as is frequently the case where the parties are wealthy, it is usually in gold.

2731. The bridegroom, of course, takes an early opportunity to reimburse his groomsman for necessary expenses.

2732. When the presentations and congratulations are over, that is, when the guests have arrived, the bridal party, which till now has kept its position, mingles with the rest of the company, and joins in the dancing or other amusements.

2733. The practice of kissing the bride is not so common as formerly, and in regard to this, the taste of the bridegroom may be consulted, as the rest of the company follow the example of the groomsman; but the parents and very near relatives of the parties, of course, act as affection prompts them.

2734. When the ceremony is performed according to the Protestant Episcopal service, the order of going to church is as follows:

2735. The bride, accompanied by her _father_, not unfrequently her _mother_, and uniformly by a _bridesmaid_, occupies the _first carriage_.

2736. The father hands out the bride, and leads her to the altar, the mother and bridesmaid following. After them come the other bridesmaids, attended by the groomsmen, if there are more than one.

2737. _The bridegroom_ occupies the _last carriage_, with the principal groomsman, an intimate friend or brother.

2738. He follows, and stands facing the altar, with _the bride at his left hand_. The father places himself behind, with the mother, if she attends.

2739. _The chief bridesmaid_ occupies a place on the _left_ of the _bride_, to hold her gloves and handkerchief, and flowers; her _companions_ range themselves on _the left_.

2740. Remember to _take the ring with you_. The fee to a clergyman is according to the fortune of the bridegroom; and a trifle should be given to the sexton.

2741. When the ceremony is concluded, _the bride takes the groom's arm_, they enter their carriage, and proceed to the breakfast, every one else following.

2742. _The order of return from church_ differs from the above only in the fact that the bride and bridegroom now ride together, the bride being on his left, and a bridesmaid, and a groomsman, or the father of the bride, occupying the front seats of the carriage.

2743. _The wedding breakfast_ having been already prepared, the wedding party return thereto.

2744. If a large party, the bride and bridegroom occupy seats in the centre of the long table, and the two extremities should be presided over by elderly relatives, if possible one from each family.

2745. Every body should endeavor to make the occasion as happy as possible.

2746. After marriage, the bridal party usually travel for a week or two; upon their return, it is customary for the bride to be at home for a few days to receive visits. The first four weeks after marriage, constitute the honeymoon.

2747. You need not retain the whole of your previous acquaintance; those only to whom you send cards, are, after marriage, considered in the circle of your visiting acquaintance.

2748. The parents or friends of the bride usually send the cards to her connections; the bridegroom selects those persons among his former associates whom he wishes to retain as such.

2749. The cards are sometimes united by a silken cord, or white ribbon, to distinguish those of a newly married pair from ordinary visitors; but it is doubtful whether it be in good taste.

2750. A married woman may leave her own or her husband's card in returning a visit; the latter only would be adopted as a resource in the event of her not having her own with her.

2751. Cards should (if belonging to the gentleman) be plain, plainly written or printed, and unglazed and ungilt.