Chapter VI: Part II: The News Story (4)

|Even if the allies shall be able to force the |
|Dardanelles, and present indications are that they |
|will, the wheat crop in Russia will not be up to the|
|average from that country on account of the |
|withdrawal of so many millions of men for purely |
|military purposes, either in the fields of battle or|
|in the factories getting munitions of war ready. |

Put into two sentences, the illustration becomes:

|Even if the allies shall be able to fulfil their |
|present expectations of forcing the Dardanelles, the|
|Russian wheat will not be up to the average. Too |
|many millions of men have been withdrawn from the |
|field to the trenches and the munition factories to |
|enable the country to produce a full crop. |

=162. Shifted Subject.=--A shifted subject within a sentence is also usually a hindrance to clearness. Indeed, one can aid clearness in successive sentences by retaining as far as possible the same subject. Certainly one should not shift subjects within the sentence without good reason. The two following sentences exhibit the weakness of the shifted subject:

|The British ambassador to Norway has offered $25,000|
|reward for his capture, and he bears a special |
|passport from the Kaiser. |

|Witter was standing near the curb, but the death-car|
|passed without his seeing it. |

Improved, these sentences become:

|The British ambassador to Norway has offered $25,000|
|reward for the capture of Benson, who bears a |
|special passport from the Kaiser. |

|Witter was standing near the curb, but failed to see|
|the death-car pass. |

=163. Coherence.=--Clearness frequently is destroyed or greatly lessened through lack of proper coherence. Writers often forget that every sentence has a double purpose: to convey a meaning itself and to make clearer the meaning of preceding and succeeding sentences. The reporter should watch closely to see not only that the phrases of his sentences follow each other in natural sequence, but also that the relation of those phrases to adjacent ones in the same or other sentences is clearly shown. Here is a notice made ludicrous because the reporter used a connective indicating a wrong relation between two clauses:

|Mrs. Alpheus White is on the sick list this week. |
|Dr. Anderson has been with her, but we hope she may |
|soon recover. |

The connective that the writer should have used, of course, was _and_, or else none at all. Substitute the _and_ or merely omit the _but_ and the coherence is perfect.

=164. Coherence and Unity.=--Many sentences that appear to lack unity are really wanting in proper coherence. For instance,

|Dr. Alvers was called as soon as the accident was |
|discovered, and it is feared now she will not |
|recover, |

is a sentence lacking in unity, but one that may be unified properly if the coherence is made good. Thus:

|Dr. Alvers was called as soon as the accident was |
|discovered, and though he gave all the aid that |
|medical science could render, it is feared now she |
|will not recover. |

=165. Sentence Emphasis.=--Sentence emphasis is gained in five ways: by form, position, proportion, repetition, and delicacy of expression. Sentence form--putting into an independent clause what is most important--has already been discussed under clearness. The use of position for emphasis is the placing at the beginning or end of the sentence the ideas that are most important and the enclosure within of the less important thoughts. The following sentence illustrates a writer's failure to avail himself of position for emphasis:

|This afternoon reports that she was still missing |
|from home were being circulated. |

But _this afternoon_ and _circulated_ are not the important concepts. _Reports_ and _still missing from home_ are the emphatic ideas and should be put first and last respectively. Thus:

|Reports were being circulated this afternoon that |
|she was still missing from home. |

So with the following:

|This morning fifty convicts of the Kansas State |
|penitentiary were placed in solitary confinement, |
|accused of being leaders in a mutiny yesterday in |
|the coal mines operated by the penitentiary. |

_This morning_ and _mines operated by the penitentiary_ are not, however, the important ideas. A better arrangement of the sentence reads:

|Accused of being leaders in a mutiny yesterday in |
|the penitentiary coal mines, fifty convicts of the |
|Kansas State penitentiary were placed this morning |
|in solitary confinement. |

Similarly, a phrase or clause transferred from its normal position in the sentence will attract attention to itself. Note the increased emphasis upon _the matter was purely political_ in the following sentence by transference of it from its normal position at the end:

|Simpson, who was in the uniform of a lieutenant when|
|arrested at New Orleans, said the matter was purely |
|political. |

|That the matter was purely political was the |
|statement made by Simpson, who was in the uniform of|
|a lieutenant when arrested at New Orleans. |

=166. Proportion for Emphasis.=--The emphasis of a sentence in a news story varies in inverse proportion to its length. Emphasis is gained by brevity. A prolix style tires the reader; and newspaper space is valuable. The reporter, therefore, must make his sentences short and pointed. He must condense, must reduce predication to a minimum. As few verbs as possible and all verbs active is a slogan in the news room. It is an error from a newspaper standpoint to include in a sentence any word that may be omitted without altering or obscuring the sense. One of the first requisites for success in journalism is ability to present facts with a minimum of words. Note the added emphasis given the following sentences by mere reduction in the number of words:

|It is well to understand that a high temperature of |
|heat, boiling or more, destroys the germs of |
|disease. |

|It is well understood that a high temperature, |
|boiling or more, destroys germs. |

* * * * *

|A pioneer living west of Solon blew his head off |
|to-day with a shotgun. Death followed the deed |
|instantly. |

|A pioneer living west of Solon killed himself |
|instantly to-day by blowing his head off with a |
|shotgun. |

* * * * *

|Miss Helen Goodrich, who is an aviatrix of note, was|
|arrested in Bremen this morning charged with |
|kidnapping. |

|Miss Helen Goodrich, an aviatrix of note, was |
|arrested in Bremen this morning charged with |
|kidnapping. |

Note that in the last illustration, in particular, the condensation consists in reducing predication, in merely removing a verb and a pronoun from the sentence.

=167. Repetition.=--The worth of repetition as a means of obtaining coherence has been discussed in a preceding chapter. Its value as an effective means of gaining emphasis is also noteworthy. Consider the effect of the repetition of the word _blithe_ in the following two sentences:

|A blithe young man met a blithe young woman at State|
|and Adams Streets Friday. Michael Hurley, a blithe |
|plain-clothes policeman, met them both. |

Great care must be exercised, however, in repeating a word for emphasis. The usage may easily be a handicap rather than a help. More often than not, repetition of the same word or phrase is the result of laziness or paucity of vocabulary, and destroys the force of the sentence. An instance of too frequent use of the same word--the adjective _beautiful_--appears in the following:

|The bride was elaborately gowned in a beautiful |
|sky-blue messaline dress, with silk over lace, and |
|carried a beautiful bouquet of gladiolis, besides |
|having a beautiful bouquet of flowers at the waist. |
|The groom wore the usual blue worsted suit, with a |
|beautiful buttonhole bouquet, while the bridesmaid |
|was beautifully gowned in a white French serge |
|trimmed with a light blue silk girdle and a blue |
|silk tango cord at the throat, and also had a |
|beautiful bouquet at the waist. The best man wore a |
|rich dark gray suit and also had a beautiful |
|buttonhole bouquet. The room was beautifully |
|decorated with green foliage and roses, formed into |
|a beautiful arch, under which the couple stood |
|during the ceremony, which was performed by Rev. |
|Wells of this city. |

=168. Delicacy of Expression.=--Delicacy of expression is that quality in news writing which distinguishes the star reporter from the cub. It may be learned, but never taught. It is this elusive element in writing and the inability of instructors to impart it that make many journalists say news writing cannot be taught. Delicacy of expression is not effeminacy. It is originality; it is cleverness; it is nimbleness of wit and beauty of phrase; it is grace; it is simplicity; it is restraint; it is tact. It is all these, and more. It is that intuition in a star man which forbids his beginning the same kind of story day after day with a fixed, hackneyed type of sentence, which makes him avoid triteness of expression. It is that something in him which compels him to avoid affectation, to love beauty and grace, born of simplicity, unadornedness. It is that inborn sense of good taste that restrains the writer from indelicate, personal allusions so offensive to men and women of refinement. All this and more is delicacy of expression, and blest is the journalist who has it. The reporter who wrote the following had not yet learned the art:

| =THE HAVENS-MERRILL WEDDING= |
| |
|At 7:30 the sounds of the wedding march scintillated|
|through the Havens house like tired waves laving the|
|shores of a mighty lake. Seldom if ever has such a |
|scene been witnessed in this place. The smell of |
|spring flowers was everywhere coming to all |
|nostrils. Presently there was a slight disturbance |
|at the right hand entrance, and then the bride |
|entered on the arm of her father, William Havens, |
|the well-known merchant. Simultaneous at the |
|opposite door was another disturbance, and the |
|bridegroom entered attended by Henry Merrill of Des |
|Moines. Then the two parties proceeded down the |
|middle aisles, meeting under a beautiful marriage |
|bell where the two hearts were beautifully made as |
|one, which was followed by congratulations all along|
|the aisles. |

| =MR. CRAIG WEDS MISS SCHELL= |
| |
|Mr. Joe Craig and Miss Cora Schell, both of Mena, |
|were quietly married at the Hotel Main, Durant, |
|Okla., Monday, and are boarding at this hotel. Mr. |
|Craig is well known as a skilful bricklayer, honest |
|and industrious. The bride is well known in this |
|city and proved her worth by the years she served |
|the Lochridge Dry Goods Company as cashier. She is a|
|member of the Woodmen Circle and carries a large |
|insurance. We regret that she must leave, but like |
|Rebekah of old, she leaves home, family, and friends|
|to travel the journey of life with her "Isaac" (Joe)|
|in a distant land. We feel that the expression of |
|all her friends is that the best this world affords |
|will be theirs to the end of their journey and that |
|a new life awaits them in another and higher sphere.|

=169. Essentials of the Sentence.=--If a reporter can write grammatically correct sentences,--if he can cooerdinate and subordinate accurately the different parts; if he can give all the pronouns definite antecedents; if he can keep his verbs consistent, having them agree in person and number with their subjects; if he can make effective use of ellipsis,--his sentences will possess the first essentials of a good sentence,--accuracy. If he can make his sentences clear and forceful,--if he can keep grammatically connected words, phrases, and clauses close together; if he can eliminate lengthy parenthetic expressions; if he can avoid unnecessary shifts of subjects within sentences; if he can make readily clear the relation of every phrase in a sentence to every other phrase in it and adjoining sentences; if he can put important ideas at the beginning and the end of the sentence; if he can make his sentences short and concise; if he can acquire delicacy of expression,--his sentences will possess the second requisite of a good sentence,--interest. Accuracy and interest, these are the elements that make a sentence good. And the greater of these is accuracy.

XIII. WORDS

=170. Accuracy and Interest.=--For words, as for sentences and stories, the same law holds,--accuracy and interest. If one's words are accurate and stimulate interest in the reader, they are good.

=171. Accuracy.=--Accuracy comes first. It is necessary always to write with a nice regard for exact shades of meaning. As Flaubert declared, "Whatever one wishes to say, there is only one noun to express it, only one verb to give it life, only one adjective to qualify it. Search then till that noun, that verb, that adjective is discovered. Never be content with very nearly; never have recourse to tricks, however happy, or to buffoonery of language to avoid a difficulty. This is the way to become original." An accurate writer avoids looseness of thinking and inexactness of expression as he avoids libel. The adjective _lurid_ is an illustration of a word over which careless reporters have stumbled for generations. When the casualties of the war against inaccuracy are recorded, _lurid_ will be among the missing. As used by ignorant scribblers, the word means something like bright or brilliant, or perhaps towering; yet its precise meaning is pale yellow, wan, ghastly. Journalists of the last quarter of the nineteenth century will remember a long list of such sins against precision, recorded by Charles A. Dana, editor of the _New York Sun_. A few additions have been made to his list, and the whole is given below. The reader should distinguish keenly between each pair of words and should be careful never to misuse one of them. Do not use:

above _or_ over _for_ more than
administered _for_ dealt
affect _for_ effect
aggravate _for_ irritate
allude _for_ refer
and _for_ to
audience _for_ spectators
avocation _for_ vocation
awfully _for_ very _or_ exceedingly
balance _for_ remainder
banquet _for_ dinner
beside _for_ besides
call attention _for_ direct attention
can _for_ may
claim _for_ assert
conscious _for_ aware
couple _for_ two
date back to _for_ date from
deceased _for_ died
dock _for_ pier _or_ wharf
dove _for_ dived
emigrate _for_ immigrate
endorse _for_ approve
exposition _for_ exhibition
farther _for_ further
favor _for_ resemble
groom _for_ bridegroom
happen _for_ occur
hung _for_ hanged
infinite _for_ great, vast
in our midst _for_ among us
in spite of _for_ despite
last _for_ latest
less _for_ fewer
like _for_ as if
materially _for_ largely
notice _for_ observe
murderous _for_ dangerous
onto _for_ on _or_ upon
partially _for_ partly
pants _for_ trousers
past two years _for_ last two years
perform _for_ play
posted _for_ informed
practically _for_ virtually
prior to _for_ before
propose _for_ purpose
proven _for_ proved
raise _for_ rear
quite _for_ very
section _for_ region
spend _for_ pass
standpoint _for_ point of view
suicide _as_ a verb
suspicion _for_ suspect
sustain _for_ receive
transpire _for_ occur
universal _for_ general
vest _for_ waistcoat
vicinity _for_ neighborhood
viewpoint _for_ point of view
witness _for_ see
would seem _for_ seems

=172. Clearness.=--To secure interest, a word must be clear and forceful. It should not be technical or big, but simple. The biggest words in the average newspapers are the handiwork and pride of the cub reporters. Yet clearness, force, brevity all demand little words,--simplicity. And the simplest words are those of everyday speech,--Anglo-Saxon words generally,--such as _home_ rather than _residence_, _begin_ rather than _commence_, _coffin_ rather than _casket_. The reporter who uses ornate, technical, or little-known words does so at his own peril and to the injury of his story; for the average newspaper reader, without the benefits of a college education and having a limited vocabulary of one to two thousand words, does not know and has no time to look up the meaning of unfamiliar words and phrases. This is why many city editors prefer to employ high-school students and break them in as cubs rather than take college graduates who, proud of their education and vocabularies, attempt to display their learning in every story they write. Simple, familiar, everyday words, those that every reader knows, are always the most forceful and clear, and hence the most fitting. The following is a list of words which young writers are most commonly tempted to use:

accord _for_ give
aggregate _for_ total
appertains _for_ pertains
apprehend _for_ arrest
calculate _for_ think, expect
canine _for_ dog
casket _for_ coffin
commence _for_ begin
conflagration _for_ fire
construction _for_ building
contribute _for_ give
cortege _for_ procession
destroyed by fire _for_ burned
donate _for_ give
elicit _for_ draw
hymeneal altar _for_ chancel
inaugurate _for_ begin
individual _for_ person
obsequies _for_ funeral
participate _for_ take part
per diem _for_ a day
perform _for_ play
purchase _for_ buy
recuperate _for_ recover
remains _for_ body, corpse
render _for_ sing
reside _for_ live
retire _for_ go to bed
rodent _for_ rat
subsequently _for_ later
tonsorial artist _for_ barber
via _for_ by way of

=173. Force.=--Force demands that one's words be emphatic. Unfortunately a reporter cannot have readers always eager to read what he writes. If he had, his readers would be satisfied with having his words merely accurate and clear. Instead, they demand that their attention be attracted, compelled. The words must be fitting, apt, fresh, unhackneyed, specific rather than general. The spectators gathered in the field must not be _a vast concourse_, but _ten thousand persons_. Nor must it be _about_ ten thousand. The _about_ should be omitted. A specific _ten thousand persons present_ is much more effective and, being a round number, is a sufficient indication that no actual count has been made. In all cases where there is a choice between a specific and a general term, the specific one should be used.

=174. Trite Phrases.=--Interest requires one also to seek originality of expression, to avoid trite phrases and hackneyed words. Embalmed meats and kyanized sentences are never good. Yet one of the most difficult acquirements in reporting is the ability to find day after day a new way to tell of some obscure person dying of pneumonia or heart disease. Only reporters who have fought and overcome the arctic drowsiness of trite phraseology know the difficulty of fighting on day after day, seeking a new, a different way to tell the same old story of suicide or marriage or theft or drowning. Yet one is no longer permitted to say that the bridegroom wore the conventional black, or the bride was elegantly gowned, or the bride's mother presided at the punch bowl, or the assembled guests tripped the light fantastic. The reporter must find new words for everything and must tell all with the same zest and the same sparkling freshness of expression with which he wrote on his first day in the news office.

=175. Figures of Speech.=--In his search for freshness, variety of expression, the reporter often may avail himself of figures of speech. These add suggestiveness to writing and increase its meaning by interpretation in a figurative rather than a literal sense. To say, "Oldfield flew round the bowl like a ruined soul on the rim of Hades," is more effective than "Oldfield ran his car round the course at a 110-mile rate of speed." But the writer must be careful not to mix his figures, or he may easily make himself ridiculous. An apt illustration of such mixing of figures is the following:

|It seemed as if the governor were hurling his glove |
|into the teeth of the advancing wave that was |
|sounding the clarion call of equal suffrage. |

In particular, one must not personify names of ships, cities, states, and countries. Note, for example, the incongruity in the following:

|Especially does the man of discriminating taste |
|appreciate her when he compares her with the |
|ordinary tubs sailing the Great Lakes. |

=176. Elegance.=--Force also requires that one heed what may sometimes seem trivialities of good usage. For instance, a minister may not be referred to as _Rev. Anderson_, but as _the Rev. Mr. Anderson_. Coinage of titles, too, is not permitted: as _Railway Inspector Brown_ for _John Brown, a railway inspector_. And the overused "editorial we" has now passed entirely from the news article. In an unsigned story, even the pronoun _I_ should not be used, nor such circumlocutions as _the writer_, _the reporter_, or _the correspondent_. In a signed story, however, the pronoun _I_ is used somewhat freely, while such stilted phrases as _the scribe_, _your humble servant_, etc., are absolutely taboo.

=177. Slang.=--Finally, mention must be made of slang, the uncouth relative in every respectable household. It is used freely on the sporting page, but is barred from other columns, its debarment being due to its lack of elegance and clearness. On the sporting page slang has been accepted because there one is writing to a narrow circle of masculine Goths who understand the patois of the gridiron, the diamond, and the padded ropes and prefer it to the language of civilization. But such diction is always limited in its range of acquaintances and followers. A current bit of slang in Memphis may be unintelligible in Pittsburg. A colloquial ephemeralism in a city may be undecipherable in the country districts twenty-five miles away. A large percentage of the athletic jargon of the sporting club and field is enigmatical to the uninitiated. And since a newspaper man writes for the world at large rather than for any specific class or group, he cannot afford to take chances on muddying his sentences by the use of slang. The best test of a good journalist is the instinct for writing for heterogeneous masses of people. That word is not a good one which is clear only to select readers, whether select in ignorance or select in intelligence. The news story permits no such selection. It is written, not for the few, not for the many as distinct from the few, but for all. No other kind of reading matter is so cosmopolitan in its freedom from class or provincial limitations as is the news story, and none is more unwavering in its elimination of slang. Newly coined words, it is true, are admitted more readily into news stories than into magazine articles, but slang itself is barred. One may not write of the "glad rags" of the debutante, or the "bagging" of the criminal, or the "swiping" of the messenger boy's "bike." One may not even employ such colloquialisms as "enthuse," "swell" (delightful), "bunch" (group). But one may use such new coinages as _burglarize_, _home-run_, and _diner_ rather freely. When in doubt about the reputability of a word, however, one should consult a standard dictionary, which should be kept continually on one's desk.