Chapter XI: Act II: The White House

LOEB:

O Mr. President, depress your ear
Till it enfold me, so that you may hear
Strange news of one departed—one that you
Have done to death: old Nelson Miles.

ROOSEVELT:

Go to!
There is no news of him; he’s dead as nails.

LOEB:

About him, though, they tell alarming tales.
’Tis said that he has moved an inch or so.

ROOSEVELT:

Go put a heavier stone upon him—go!
Confound the fellow! will he ne’er stay dead?

LOEB:

The worst is yet to come: they say his head
Is half-protruded from the tomb!

ROOSEVELT:

Quick, quick!
Go rap it roundly with the big, big stick.

LOEB:

Nay, that’s a weapon I’m too weak to wield.

(_aside_)

For anything I know, the corpse is “heeled.”

ROOSEVELT:

Where’s Colonel Hull? Command him to attack.
He’s brave and generous enough to crack
The skull of any dead man living. Take the stick.

[_Exit Loeb._]

That rogue’s obedient, but he makes me sick.

[_An hour elapses. Enter Hull._]

HULL:

The work is done: again he is no more—
He was half out. These red stains are his gore.

ROOSEVELT:

I trust you gave him a conclusive whack.

HULL:

Well, not exactly, but—I bit his back!

A STRAINED RELATION

_The President._ _Root, Secretary of State._ _Taft, Secretary of
War._ _Bonaparte, Secretary of the Navy._ _Metcalf, Secretary of
Commerce and Labor._ _Dewey, an Admiral._ _Loeb, Private Secretary
to the President._