Chapter VIII: Act I: PRESIDENT (solus)

There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now let
The dirt fly.

[_Enter Shonts._]

SHONTS:

Very well, sir, don’t you fret;
It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—
I’m getting out of this concern. I fly!

[_Exit Shonts._]

PRESIDENT:

Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-level
Canal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.

[_Enter Loeb with a card._]

What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—
Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.
Always that Democrat appears if I
But mention him—I really wonder why.
Of one too many he’s the one. Go say

(_sighing_)

That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.

LOEB:

The gentleman is in the waiting room.
I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”

PRESIDENT:

Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,
And there’s no vacancy.

LOEB:

O you forget—
There’s Hitchcock.

[_Enter Adversary._]

PRESIDENT:

Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!

(_aside_)

The fellow never waits till he’s invited.

ADVERSARY:

Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten law
Forbidding a third term. You must withdraw.

PRESIDENT (_aside_):

Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,
Grinning behind his hand like any ape,
Maddens to candor. (_Aloud_) Brute! you might delay
Your triumph until I have had my day
And nations weep, in slow procession walking——

ADVERSARY:

For him who dug the great canal by talking!
’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were made
By miracle divine into a spade.

PRESIDENT:

Take that, you beast!

[_Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the
scuffle._]

LOEB (_solus_):

The rogues fall out—_sic semper_.
As honest man, I will annex his temper.

[_Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit._]